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The first time Liam spots Zayn, it’s freshman year.

 

The football players are entering the field as the track kids are leaving. It’s Liam’s first practice and his curls are plastered to his forehead and his clothes stick close to his body because of all the sweat.

 

Liam loves to run, it gives him an incomparable high, but at the moment he wished that it didn’t make him look so gross.

 

The football players jog past him, warming up for their own practice, and Liam can’t help but blush pink. It’s only the junior varsity team, but they’re still football players and hundreds of times more popular than anyone on the track team.

 

Jogging a few yards behind the rest of the team, obviously late to practice, is a boy who Liam recognizes from a few of his classes. He flashes Liam a friendly smile, bright and beautiful and swoon-worthy, as he passes by and Liam can feel his cheeks burning as he tries to smile back.

 

Though he is only a sophomore, Zayn causes quite a buzz around school. Liam’s heard of his talent on the football field and it’s hard not to notice the way most of the younger girls stare and giggle whenever he’s around.

 

Liam can’t blame them. With his perfectly tanned skinned, deep eyes, and irresistible smile, Zayn is easily one of the most attractive underclassman.

 

As Liam watches Zayn speed up to catch up to rest of his team, one of the older members on the track team pats him on the back and asks if he’s okay. Liam’s face is still pink and his teammate reassures him that it’s okay if the first practice was a bit too much and he needs to take some rest before heading home. Liam stammers out a startled no and replies that he’s fine.

 

The older kid leaves with a small smile and Liam continues to stand there, his eyes trained on Zayn as he warms up with his teammates. He stands there for almost two minutes before he realizes what he’s doing and he shakes his head a little, trying to clear his foggy mind.

 

Liam heads to the locker room distracted by thoughts of Zayn.

 

The first time that Zayn talks to Liam, he says three words, and they’re the three most meaningless words ever. Nevertheless Liam can recall everything about those three words and sometimes he still believes that they’re the three most important words ever.

 

It’s sophomore year and Liam is sitting in the cafeteria with his best friend Niall and a few of his trackmates. Niall is furiously cramming for a pre-calculus test he has next period while Liam watches him memorize formulas with amusement.

 

From the corner of his eye Liam can see Zayn and one of his friends coming closer to his table. It happens quite suddenly, really. Zayn’s friend gives him a joking shove and Zayn accidentally falls against Liam, laughing.

 

Liam is shocked by the sudden contact, the feel of Zayn’s warmth against his back, and he startles.

 

Zayn is still laughing as he says, “Oops. Sorry, Liam.” He turns back to his friend, giving him a returning shove which almost knocks him into a particularly small freshman girl.

 

Liam stares after Zayn and his friend as they walk to their table. He can still hear the sound of Zayn saying his name ringing in his ears and the only thing that brings him down from his sudden high is the sound of Niall’s laughter.

 

“Wow, the look on your face, Liam. Someone would think you’ve just won the lottery or something.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Liam picks up one of the fries on his lunch tray and chucks it at Niall who only starts to laugh harder.

 

“Seriously though,” Niall says in between laughs, “why don’t you just talk to him?”

 

Liam’s face turns pink at the very thought of Niall’s suggestion. “No. No, no, no. I can’t do that. No. Oh my God, what would I say? I would just end up embarrassing myself. That’s a terrible idea, Niall.”

 

Liam has always been a bit socially awkward as it is. He constantly reminds himself that it’s a miracle he’s managed to become so close with his friends on track. The thought of talking to Zayn completely mortifies him.

 

Zayn is always so cool and laid back. He has a way of drawing people in with his kind and quiet exterior. Liam has seen the side of Zayn that is fun and loud and just a tad bit obnoxious, but for the most part, Zayn is the most subdued of his friends.

 

There’s no doubt that Liam wants so desperately to talk to Zayn, but Liam’s a bit quiet and shy. He has a tendency to get uptight about things and Niall often refers to him as a perfectionist. Liam has no idea how he could ever talk to Zayn without sounding like a stammering idiot.

 

Liam is completely content with observing Zayn from afar. He’s learned as much about Zayn as possible from listening to other people’s conversations and a fair bit of Facebook stalking. Niall always says that Liam’s a bit of a creeper but Liam always shrugs it off because seriously, there’s nothing creepy about wanting to know as much as physically possible about someone, right?

 

Zayn’s never really paid much attention to Liam except maybe the occasional smile in the hallway or during class. Honestly, Liam is a bit surprised Zayn even knows his name.

 

Liam turns back to Zayn as Niall continues to giggle and it’s probably just his extremely overactive imagination, but he swears that for a second, Zayn was staring at him too.

 

The first time that Liam and Zayn have a real conversation, it’s junior year.

 

Sra. Gonzalez, Liam’s Spanish teacher, pulls him aside one day after class and asks him if he’s interested in tutoring one of the students in his class who are having a bit of trouble with the material. Liam, who is in desperate need of volunteer hours, gladly accepts the offer and arranges to meet the student in the media center after school the next day.

 

For some reason, Sra. Gonzalez never reveals who the student is, and Liam spends all day wondering who it could be. His class is fairly small and he can probably pick out the students who are having a bit of trouble, but then again it really could be anyone.

 

At the end of the day, Liam says goodbye to Niall and rushes to the media center after the bell rings and sits down at one of the many empty tables.

 

It’s that awkward time of the year when track practices are dwindling down before the end of the season. Liam has been bored out of his mind without practice every day. He’s been spending quite a lot of time at Niall’s house, but Liam can only spend so much time playing video games and listening to Niall complain about school or girls or how much he hates the band instructor.

 

Liam’s so glad for a distraction from his usual routine. He’s planned out the tutoring session pretty efficiently and is determined to make it as effective as possible. He even went to the trouble of printing out supplementary worksheets to go along with those given in class.

 

As he gets out his Spanish textbook as well as that day’s homework and the printed out worksheets, Zayn walks into the media center. He looks around for a bit and then smiles upon spotting Liam.

 

Liam’s eyes widen and he freezes as Zayn approaches him because, no. No, no, no, no, no. He couldn’t possibly be tutoring Zayn. Just. No.

 

Zayn isn’t turning around though and the closer he gets, the more Liam wants to panic. His heart feels like it’s stopped beating and his palms start to sweat and all he can think is oh God, this cannot be happening.

 

“Hey, Liam. Sra. Gonzalez said you would be helping me with Spanish?” Zayn asks as he stands right in front of Liam.

 

Liam momentarily forgets how to speak because his mouth is dry and his tongue feels about three sizes too big for his mouth. It takes a moment for him to realize that he can’t just sit there in shock for the whole day and plus Zayn is starting to look at him sort of funny.

 

“Um, yeah…” Liam chokes out, his eyes somehow defying all possible laws of the human anatomy and widening farther. “Sit down, Zayn.”

 

Zayn takes a seat, a smile replacing his previously confused look. He shrugs off his varsity jacket and Liam almost groans when he sees that underneath Zayn’s wearing a tight black t-shirt that hugs his body in the all the right places.

 

“Thanks so much for doing this,” Zayn says still smiling as Liam tries his hardest not to stare, “Coach said that if I fail Spanish this quarter I won’t be able to continue playing football.”

 

“It’s, uh, no problem,” Liam says. He’s still having a bit of trouble forming words, but Zayn’s smile is very comforting and he thinks his heart’s started beating again, even if it’s going extremely slowly. “So, uh, what exactly are you having trouble with?”

 

“Um, everything?” Zayn says with a sheepish half smile which is so undeniably adorable that it makes Liam’s pulse suddenly want to race. “Spanish doesn’t really make sense to me. At all.”

 

Liam manages a small laugh and says, “Well obviously you can’t be that terrible at Spanish considering that you’ve been in the honors program since freshman year. Let’s start with today’s homework, and then we’ll see where we have to go from there.”

 

He doesn’t believe that he managed to get out not only one, but two fully coherent sentences. As Zayn lets out a small sigh and opens his Spanish textbook, Liam can’t help but think that maybe this will go better than he initially thought.

 

The first time Liam is harassed during school, it’s right after winter break, junior year.

 

Liam had technically been out of the closet since the end of sophomore year. Prior to that the only person who had known was Niall who helped Liam through most of middle school and the beginning of high school when he started to realize that the things he felt around other boys were exactly the same as things Niall felt around girls.

 

When Liam came out to his family, they were extremely supportive, and immediately reassured him that they loved him no matter what. Most of his teammates were supportive as well, but it was obvious that not everyone took Liam’s news with ease. Some of the boys had grown distant from Liam and others would throw him uncomfortable looks in the locker room or in the showers.

 

Even then, nobody openly said anything to Liam and almost everyone continued to treat him like he was part of the family that the track team had become.  

 

To Liam’s knowledge, nobody ever went around talking about him behind his back. Liam didn’t want too many people to know about his sexuality – he wasn’t ashamed of himself or anything, he was just sort of afraid – and the people he told seemed to respect that.

 

That’s probably why the bullying comes as such as a shock to Liam. He’s at his locker, getting his stuff together to go meet Zayn in the media center, when it happens. One of the senior football players shoves Liam hard into his just closed locker as he walks by.

 

Liam drops his books and his eyes water with pain as his shoulder makes contact with the cold metal of the locker. He can feel the tingling up his whole right arm and knows that a bruise is already forming at the place of impact.

 

The football player glares at Liam and sneers out, “Fag,” underneath his breath as he continues to walk by.

 

Nobody seems to notice the interaction, or if they do, they choose to ignore it. Liam walks to the media center with his head down and sits down across from Zayn gingerly rubbing his shoulder.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Zayn asks, brown eyes filled with genuine concern.

 

Liam has been tutoring Zayn for about three months. Even though Zayn’s Spanish scores improved drastically and football season was over for the year, the two continued their sessions.

 

Liam has track and a demanding schedule dictated by after-school club meetings. For a while Zayn is busy filling out college applications and stressing over essays for schools and scholarships. The two still make time to meet at least two or three times a week.

 

They both make excuses for their meetings. Liam claims that he needs more service hours for his membership in the National Honor Society and Zayn says that he needs to keep his grades up if he’s going to play lacrosse in the spring. Neither mention that they can’t stand the thought of not seeing each other like this.

 

Over the course of the three months, Liam and Zayn definitely grew closer. Liam still feels that fluttery feeling in chest whenever Zayn smiles or talks or looks at him or even breathes, but it’s gotten easier to be around him. Zayn is so easy-going that it’s hard for Liam to be completely nervous all the time.

 

More often than not they found themselves taking extended breaks from their studies to talk about track or football or music or movies or books or anything other than Spanish really. At first Liam tried desperately to keep them on track, mostly because while they were studying there was less a chance of him saying something completely embarrassing, but as time wore on, he loosened up a little and let the conversation take its course.

 

Despite the relationship that was slowly forming between the two, Liam wasn’t fully comfortable enough to tell Zayn about what just happened. He didn’t know if Zayn knew about him being gay. He wanted Zayn to know – he wanted it oh so bad – but he didn’t think they were that close yet.

 

That’s why Liam averts his eyes, looking anywhere possible but at Zayn, and says, “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Stevenson bumped into me in the hallway; it was probably just an accident.”

 

The worry leaves Zayn’s face and he laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that’s so cute that it makes Liam’s breathing a bit shallower. “No surprise there, Stevenson’s like a truck. He’s seriously gotta watch where he’s going when he’s walking down the hall. I’m afraid he’s gonna accidentally squish one of the freshman one day.”

 

Liam lets out a small but forced laugh and decides its best he didn’t tell Zayn what actually happened. Liam has his family and Zayn has his. He really doesn’t want Zayn to think any less of his teammates.

 

The first time Liam kisses a boy, it’s not Zayn, but he’s thinking of Zayn the whole time.

 

Valentine’s Day junior year, Niall decides to throw some kind of “Lonely Hearts” party to make up for his third consecutive year with a lack of a date to the annual school dance. Liam, being the amazing and considerate friend he is, attends the party in support of Niall.

 

The party starts off slow, just Liam and Niall and some of Niall’s friends from marching band. But then Liam’s friends from track trickle in and Michael brings drinks he swiped from his mom’s liquor cabinet and things start to pick up.

 

Soon the party is in full bloom. Someone hooks their iPod up to the speakers in Niall’s basement and some bass-filled pop song blears out as people grind up on each other.

 

Liam spends some time just watching the antics around him, almost laughing as he spots Niall trying to dance with a girl from their Physics class. Parties really aren’t Liam’s thing. He’s not much of a dancer and sometimes being around so many people makes him a bit nervous.

 

Liam also isn’t a drinker, a fact that’s always baffled Niall. He spends most of the night milling around wherever it’s least crowded and steering far away from the alcohol being passed around. Well, that is until he unwittingly takes a cup of something offered to him by his friend Abby.

 

He downs the drink even though it tastes awful – a sure sign that it was spiked – and the next thing he knows he finds himself in a closet with Josh, leader of the percussion section in the marching band.

 

Josh is openly gay and Niall has tried to hook him and Liam up on multiple occasions. Liam always resists his efforts, claiming that he isn’t interested in Josh. Josh is cute and he’s funny and dorky in a very charming way but well, honestly, he’s not Zayn.

 

Niall always says that Liam needs a backup plan in case things don’t work out with Zayn. In the back of his mind, Liam knows that he probably should try to get over Zayn, but there’s something so captivating about him that Liam can never seem to get him off his mind or out of his dreams.

 

Liam doesn’t know how he ends up making out with Josh at that party. He just remembers Josh’s chapped lips guiding his own and his rough hand’s roaming his body.

 

The kiss is a bit awkward at first and Liam can’t help but think about what it would feel like if it was Zayn kissing him and not Josh. He imagines Zayn’s lips softer, less eager. Zayn’s hands would probably be more gentle, less likely to slip down low to Liam’s ass or up across his abs.

 

At some point Liam realizes that Zayn probably isn’t even gay and maybe he should follow Niall’s advice and get together with Josh. There’s nothing wrong with Josh and Liam can see himself having fun with him and Niall and their other friends in the marching band. Plus there is something nice about being held and being touched and feeling wanted.

 

It’s obvious that Josh is into Liam at least a little while Zayn hasn’t really shown any romantic interest in him at all.

 

Just as Liam realizes that he really does like being kissed and that maybe he likes that Josh is the one kissing him and that he likes the feeling of Josh’s toned arms under his palms, the door to the closet opens.

 

Liam and Josh separate in surprise but Josh’s hands are still warm on Liam’s hips and Liam can feel Josh’s arms tensing underneath his own hands.  

 

“Oops. Sorry, boys,” says Abby giggling, her arms wrapped around Nate Stevenson, who’s staring at Liam and Josh in disgust.

 

They close the door, leaving Josh and Liam alone together. Suddenly things seem extremely awkward. Josh seems uncomfortably close and his lips seem too rough and his hands too eager when they start to kiss again.

 

---

 

The first time Zayn gets angry at Liam – angry, not frustrated or overwhelmed like he sometimes gets when they’re studying – it’s the week after Niall’s Valentine’s Day party.

 

Zayn is quiet the whole afternoon, and he barely says a word to Liam. Whenever Liam asks him a question, Zayn gives short, one word replies, his eyes never leaving his Spanish textbook.

 

After a half an hour or so of this, Liam gets fed up. He’s heard that sometimes Zayn can moody and quiet, but the attitude is something Liam really doesn’t want to deal with. In most cases he’s the type to talk out his problems and find solutions, not bottle them in and put up an angry face for the world.

 

“What’s your problem today?” he asks, frustrated.

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow, shrugs, and looks back at his textbook.

 

It’s the first time he’s made any sort of eye-contact the whole day and it takes Liam aback a little. His eyes lack the usual light of laughter and instead are ablaze with the fire of anger.

 

“Seriously? Zayn, what the hell is going on?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Liam can feel his own anger boiling underneath his skin. Usually he has his temper under control, but when it comes out, it’s fierce and harsh and cold.

 

“Really, now? Is that why you’ve basically been ignoring me all day? If something’s wrong, you can tell me,” Liam says. His voice is calm but he’s glaring daggers at Zayn.

 

“Just like you tell me when something’s wrong? Or if anything’s happened at all?” Zayn replies, looking up from his textbook and glaring back at Liam.

 

“What the hell are you –?”

 

“Oh don’t give me that,” Zayn interrupts, “I heard about you and Josh Devine hooking up during Niall’s party.”

 

Liam furrows his brow in confusion. It might just be his imagination but Zayn appears a bit disappointed by the news. But that can’t be right. Why would Zayn be disappointed to hear about Liam hooking up with anyone?

 

“So?”

 

“So, I want to hear these things from you, not from people like Stevenson,” and suddenly the disappointment is gone and Zayn is angry again, “Oh speaking of Stevenson, why didn’t you ever tell me that he was being such a douchebag to you?”

 

“Because I honestly don’t think it’s really any of your business.”

 

Liam doesn’t know why he’s being so snippy. Frankly, he’s a bit surprised and confused by Zayn’s concern. He and Zayn are friends, but Liam really doesn’t think Zayn would care that much about Liam occasionally being pushed around a bit.  

 

“Why the hell would it not be my business?”

 

“You don’t even know me, Zayn. At least not about the things that matter. I’m not gonna go around telling you all my problems.”

 

Liam’s frustrated and angry for some reason and he’s not thinking about what he’s saying. What he wants to say is that he wants Zayn to know him. He wants him to know about the things that matter. He wants to share his problems, all of them.

 

But that’s not what’s coming out.

 

“Maybe I don’t know about the things that ‘matter’”, Zayn says, his cold voice startling Liam, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, Liam. I want to know these things. I want to know about you. I want to be someone you can trust to tell your problems to.

 

“Most importantly, I want to help you, Liam. Why the hell would you not tell me about Stevenson? You know I could’ve stopped him from being an asshole. I can protect you.”

 

Liam feels his anger flaring up again. Protect him? Liam doesn’t need to be protected. Just because he’s younger and a bit introverted it doesn’t meant that Liam can’t take care of himself. “I don’t need anyone to protect me. I can handle things myself.”

 

“Fine,” Zayn says. “I – just – fine,”” he repeats, clearly frustrated.

 

Zayn gathers up his things and leaves without a word. Liam is so engulfed in anger and frustration and confusion that he barely registers the fact that Zayn said he cared about him.

 

The first time Liam realizes that maybe Zayn really does care about him is about three weeks after they fight.

 

For the most part, Zayn and Liam ignore each other. They avoid eye-contact in the halls and during lunch and classes. The only time they ever talk is during speaking exercises in Spanish class. It’s safe to say things are tense.

 

Liam has other things to worry about though. His track practices slowly increase in length and frequency as the team gets itself ready for competitions in the spring. He barely has time to eat, sleep, and keep up with his schoolwork, let alone worry about Zayn.

 

But even then sometimes after a long, hard day, Liam yearns to be in Zayn’s presence. Liam misses Zayn’s laugh and his smile and the way he feels whenever Zayn says his name.

 

There are nights when Liam’s fingers itch to pick up his phone and call Zayn or text him. He wants to apologize for keeping things from him and not being more open with his problems. There are other nights where he gets frustrated and wonders why he has to be the one to call and why Zayn can’t get in contact with him and show him that he cares about Liam as much as he claims to.

 

The days he almost breaks are the days when his confrontations with Stevenson get worse. Slowly Stevenson begins to target him more often, adding both verbal and physical attacks during lunch and between classes to his usual habit of pushing Liam into his locker at the end of the day.

 

Niall, as well as Liam’s friends from track, try to help, but there’s not much they can do. They alert teachers, guidance counselors, parents, but everyone claims nothing can be done about the situation until an authority figure witnesses things first hand.

 

What Liam needs is someone to talk to, someone who isn’t Niall or his friends from track. He needs Zayn and his calming voice and his comforting eyes.

 

One particularly stressful day before lunch, Liam finds himself pushed to the ground by the force of Stevenson’s shove. Before he can get back up, he hears the now familiar sound of a body being slammed into a locker, but for the first time, it’s not his own.

 

Liam picks himself off the floor and is surprised to see Zayn pinning Stevenson against one of the lockers.

 

“I don’t care if you’re my teammate, Nate. Football’s over and lacrosse isn’t worth this shit. I ever see you pushing anyone around like that again, I swear to God I will beat the crap out of you.”

 

Stevenson laughs as he struggles against Zayn’s weight. “What? Please don’t tell me you’re defending this faggot.”

 

Zayn lets go of Stevenson as if shocked and the look on his face is as cold as the arctic tundra. “Don’t you ever use that word again. Stay away from Liam and stay away from me.”

 

Liam watches the whole exchange, mouth open in shock. He never expected Zayn to stand up for him like that, and he’s still rather surprised when Zayn grabs his hand and pulls him into an empty classroom.

 

Zayn’s hand is a bit rough from playing football but it is also warm and strong and Liam’s mind goes temporarily blank as he memorizes the way it feels inside of his own.

 

Liam only has a moment to take in the touch of Zayn’s skin against his own because Zayn goes to close the door as Stevenson calls out, “Whatever, buttboy. It won’t be any trouble staying away from you or your gay lover.”

 

When the sounds of the hall disappear, Zayn turns and says, “Liam, listen, I –”

 

But before Zayn can finish, Liam throws his arms around him. He buries his face into the soft leather of Zayn’s varsity jacket and takes in the comforting scent of deodorant and cigarette smoke.

 

Liam can tell that he’s startled Zayn, but it doesn’t take long for Zayn’s arms to wrap around Liam in return. All the stress Liam’s been feeling from track and school and Stevenson’s bullying seems to slide off of him as he snuggles deeper into Zayn’s embrace.

 

“Thank you, Zayn. And I’m so, so sorry.”

 

Zayn doesn’t ask for what. He just squeezes Liam a little bit tighter. There would be time to talk later.

 

The first time that Liam and Zayn hang out outside of school, it’s at, of all places, the bowling alley.

 

Lacing up his rented his shoes, Zayn explains that his dad always used to take him bowling when he was young. He and his family still came together sometimes, but nowadays, more often than not, Zayn would go bowling when he needed to clear his head.

 

Zayn tries to explain how there’s something incredibly satisfying in seeing all the pins at the end of the lane lying defeated on their sides. Liam doesn’t really understand, but he smiles with amusement as Zayn tries to communicate his feelings.

 

To be honest, Liam’s sort of kind of really extremely bad at bowling. He’s only gone a couple of times but it was when he was younger and he would always play with the bumpers up.

 

Zayn spends the night getting strikes and the occasional spare and almost bowls the perfect game. Liam spends the night trying to keep the ball out of the gutter.

 

But it’s all okay because hearing Zayn’s laugh makes up for any embarrassment that Liam feels. He’s missed the sound and the way it makes his chest tighten in the best way possible.

 

“I’ve missed this,” Zayn says after Liam rolls his fourth consecutive gutter ball.

 

“Missed what? My terrible bowling? That’s been happening all night.”

 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “No, not that. I’ve missed hanging out with you. Talking to you. Being with you. It felt weird not having our study sessions every day, you know what I’m saying?”

 

Liam nods in agreement because he knows exactly what Zayn means. “Yeah, honestly, after a while I didn’t really know why I was mad or what we were really fighting about. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know what to say.”

 

That wasn’t completely true. Liam spent most of the three weeks replaying their fight over and over again, looking for any way that things could have played out differently or any way to fix things.

 

Liam knows there was blame to go around. The day after Zayn’s confrontation with Stevenson, Liam admitted that he shouldn’t have kept such important things from Zayn. Zayn admitted that he might have overreacted a little – Liam had every right to keep some things to himself.

 

Things were a bit easier now though. Liam found that he felt more comfortable telling Zayn about what was on his mind and Zayn was okay if Liam decided to hold back a little.

 

The one thing the two of them did agree on was that Zayn would be the first to know about any more problems with Stevenson. Liam was a little reluctant at first – he knew how important relationships within a team were – but Zayn was insistent. He said team dynamics didn’t matter at a time like this. Liam and his safety were more important than Zayn’s relationship with Stevenson or anyone else on the football team or the lacrosse team.

 

As Liam reflects on the last few days and the way he and Zayn have been easing back into their friendship, Zayn bowls another strike.

 

“How do you do that?” Liam asks in amazement. “It takes all my effort just to keep the ball on the lane.”

 

Zayn laughs as he hands Liam a ball. “Here I’ll show you.”

 

He spends the next few minutes standing behind Liam, showing him exactly how to position his shoulders and his back and how far to move his arm before letting go of the ball. Zayn moves Liam around with light touches that make Liam’s heart race and sometimes they’re standing so close together that Liam can feel Zayn’s breath brushing up against his cheek.

 

After some coaching, Liam manages a spare – his first of the game. He jumps with excitement and he’s practically yelling when he exclaims, “They’re all down! Oh my God, I knocked all of them down, Zayn!”

 

Zayn laughs and casually slings an arm around Liam’s shoulders. “Well, I guess that’s a start.”

 

The first – and only – time that Liam gets suspended from school is also the day that Zayn comes out of the closet.

 

Stevenson’s bullying dies down slightly after his confrontation with Zayn. He occasionally knocks into Liam in the hallway when Zayn isn’t around, but he is no longer leaving Liam-shaped dents in the lockers.

 

Liam starts to let his guard down and he feels like he can breathe easier when he walks down the halls. It helps when Zayn is walking by his side, a comforting arm slung across Liam’s shoulders, but even when he’s not there, Stevenson seems to restrain himself.

 

But then one day it starts happening again. The day starts off with harsh words whispered in his directions and hard knocks against his shoulders. Then, right before lunch, Liam finds himself on the floor exactly where he was the day Zayn defended him. What happens next is all a blur and the next thing he knows, Stevenson is in the nurse’s room and him and Zayn are sitting outside of the principal’s office.

 

Liam’s temper had gotten the best of him at that point, and he remembers throwing the first punch in a fit of anger. What he doesn’t remember is when Zayn joined him. Liam hadn’t even realized that Zayn was nearby and it was as if he had come out of nowhere at the exact moment Liam needed him.

 

Zayn and Liam sit in silence for a while they wait for the principal to call them in. Zayn is holding a tissue to his bleeding nose and Liam gingerly massages the spot underneath his cheekbone where Stevenson’s class ring had made contact with his face.

 

Suddenly, Zayn breaks the silence.

 

“Liam?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’m gay.”

 

Liam is taken aback by Zayn’s sudden confession, especially since he’s revealing it at a time like this. He would’ve been less surprised if Zayn had told him that an elephant pranced past the doorway while Liam was looking up at the ceiling. “Wait. What?”

 

“I’m gay,” Zayn repeats, his voice soft and serious. He’s looking at Liam, his brown eyes searching for some sort of reaction.

 

“You’re – wait – are you – what?” Liam really doesn’t know how to process this right now.

 

“I came out to my parents and my sisters last week. I came out to the team this morning. Coach had sent out an e-mail saying he wanted to have a meeting before school. He heard about what’s been happening with Nate. I didn’t tell him, but it’s high school, word gets around. He told us that if he heard about any more of this kind of behavior from anyone, they would be kicked off the team. I don’t know why, but I felt like this was the right time to mention something to everyone.”

 

“Oh.” Liam tries to take everything in, but it’s like his brain has been fried.

 

“I was gonna tell you after school today, while we were studying, but given the current circumstances, that’s not really an option anymore.”

 

Zayn is still staring at Liam as he tries to take in what he’s just been told. After a while the words start to sink in and they crawl under Liam’s skin and through his veins and into his brain. Even then, all he can think to ask is, “Why now?”

 

“What?” Zayn asks, clearly confused.

 

“Why did you decide to come out now?” The timing seems a bit odd to Liam. Zayn is going to graduate in a couple of months, and he could have easily gone through his high school career without coming out. He could’ve easily waited for the safety of university where for the most part people are more mature and understanding and those who aren’t are at least more easily avoidable.

 

Liam hates living his life without people knowing who he really is, but if given the chance, he probably would’ve continued hiding his sexuality just to avoid people like Stevenson.

 

“Oh,” Zayn shifts uncomfortably in his chair, “I don’t know. I guess because of you? I’ve been wanting to come out for a while now, but honestly I’ve been sort of scared. I didn’t want people to think different of me, you know? And I’ve seen the kind of things people go through when they’re out and I guess I wasn’t ready for that yet.

 

“But then I found out you were gay and everything changed. I saw how the track team and Niall and all your other friends still treated you with so much acceptance. I saw how you held your head up high in the face of Nate’s behavior. I guess I realized that if you could do it, I could do it too.”

 

Before Liam can reply, Zayn is called into the principal’s office, leaving him alone. Liam is still sort of in shock. He’s been wanting Zayn to come out of the closet and announce his undeniable love for him since freshman year, but that was when he didn’t know Zayn.

 

But now Zayn wasn’t just someone Liam admired from afar. He was actually friends with this gorgeous, sweet, funny, intelligent boy who made his heart and stomach do things they weren’t supposed to do.

 

And now there was the possibility that this boy might like him too.

 

Liam shakes his head. No, he can’t get ahead of himself. Just because Zayn is gay, it doesn’t mean he’s in love Liam. That’s honestly the last thing Liam should be thinking of at a time like this.

 

But, Liam can’t help but keep in mind that this means that maybe possibly somehow Liam might have a chance.

 

The first time Liam wears Zayn’s varsity jacket, it’s an unseasonably cold and rainy day near the end of April.

 

Liam rushes out of his house in the morning, toast stuffed half-way into his mouth. It’s a lot more chilly and overcast than he thought it would be and he really wishes he brought a jacket with him.

 

He’s literally half a block away from school when it starts pouring. Liam curses as the clouds open up and although he sprints the rest of the way there, he’s still soaked to the bone by the time he gets into building.

 

Liam frantically searches through his locker for a sweatshirt or extra t-shirt or anything warm and dry. Usually he would keep extra clothes in gym locker, but there was no track practice that week and he had taken all his practice clothes home over the weekend to get them washed.

 

Just as Liam loses hope in ever finding new clothes, he hears Zayn’s voice behind him.

 

“Oh God, what happened to you?”

 

“It’s raining,” Liam replies drily with a scowl, closing his locker.

 

“Um, no it’s not,” Zayn replies, a slight hint of bemusement in his voice.

 

Liam looks out one of the windows near his locker and surely enough the rain has passed and the skies look a little clearer than before. The grass on the lawn is glistening a little and there are a couple of puddles littering the streets, but other than that, there’s no hint whatsoever that it had just been pouring outside.

 

“Are you serious? It was definitely raining just a minute ago. Typical. This would happen to me.”

 

Zayn laughs as Liam closes his locker and then with an endearing smile he says, “You’re gonna freeze, here take my jacket.”

 

Liam protests as Zayn slips the blue and white varsity jacket off his shoulders but Zayn insists. Even though football season is long gone, Zayn claims that he wears the jacket mainly out of habit. Most days it’s sweltering hot in the school and Zayn ends up stuffing it in his backpack anyway.

 

Reluctantly, Liam slips on the jacket. It’s a little big in the shoulders and just a tiny bit long but it’s okay because it’s warm and comfortable and it smells just like Zayn. Liam’s always wondered what it would feel like to be wrapped up in a jacket that wasn’t his and he has no trouble admitting to himself that it makes him a little giddy and lightheaded knowing that the one covering his shoulders at the moment is Zayn’s.

 

“It looks good on you,” Zayn says, a huge smile on his face which is all bright teeth and sparkling eyes, “you should consider joining football next year.”

 

Liam can’t help but laugh at the suggestion. “If it’s good with you, I think I’ll stick with track. Football’s not really my thing.”

 

As he walks down the hall, Liam can feel people staring at him and Zayn. He hears the whispers and he knows what they’re all thinking. The captain of the football team doesn’t just give his jacket to anyone. Cliché as it is, the gesture means something to people. It means something to Liam.

 

There it is again, that feeling creeping up inside Liam’s chest, those little tendrils of hope that seem to set his heart on fire. Zayn knows what he’s doing giving Liam his jacket. He’s showing the world the Liam is his and that he’s not afraid to admit it. Maybe Zayn really does care for Liam in the way he cares for Zayn.

 

But maybe Liam’s looking into things too much. Maybe Zayn just sees the whole thing as a gesture of friendship. He’s not making a statement; he’s just being a nice guy. It wouldn’t be the first time Liam sees signs that aren’t there.

 

It’s hard to tell when Liam is wrapped up all warm and cozy in Zayn’s jacket, surrounded by the comforting scent of simple deodorant, cigarette smoke, and leather. It’s even harder when Zayn is right there and Liam is hyperaware of how close they are and of how if he swings his arm a little to the left their fingers will be brushing.

 

Maybe Liam is overthinking things, but maybe, just maybe, the little tendrils of hope that have decided to coil loosely around his chest have a right to be there.

 

The first time that Liam and Zayn kiss, it’s nothing like Liam imagined because it is so much more.

 

Surprisingly enough, Zayn and Liam’s relationship doesn’t change much after Zayn comes out. They still spend most afternoons together studying and talking about the same things as before.

 

Occasionally they pass time in other places. In order to match the bowling alley, Liam takes Zayn to the batting cages his father used to take him to. It pleases Liam that Zayn is not nearly as good at baseball as he is at football or bowling or lacrosse.

 

The thing that has changed is that Liam now sees every touch, every smile, every laugh in a whole new light.

 

Whenever Zayn’s fingers brush up against his own he feels an electric shock coursing through him and every time Zayn even looks at him Liam feels his breath catch and his heart slow.

 

The middle of May is a bit stressful for the both of them. Liam and Zayn both start studying for AP tests and Zayn gets ready for his senior finals. Sometimes Liam has a hard time concentrating because he all he can think about is how soon Zayn will be graduating and then going off to university.

 

It’s like neither of them want to admit that next year things will be completely different. University comes up every once in a while, especially since Liam has to start making his college decisions in the fall, but usually the conversations are a bit forced and lack excitement.

 

The two of them get through AP tests and Zayn gets through finals, but just barely. Before they know it, it’s the day of graduation and the school is buzzing with a mixture of excitement and sadness all at once.

 

Liam goes to graduation to watch his friends from track walk across the stage and grab their diplomas and start the next part of his life. He tries not to cry as more and more people he knows get called to shake hands with the principal. It finally starts to hit him that all these people will be gone next year and there’s a possibility that he may not see a lot of them ever again.

 

Zayn is called to the stage somewhere near the middle and Liam just barely manages to hide the sob that’s building in the back of his throat. Niall grabs his hand and looks at him with sad eyes but says nothing.

 

After the last graduate receives her diploma, students and parents and siblings disperse to find their loved ones and their friends to take pictures. Liam hugs almost every graduating member of the track team and takes what feels like hundreds of photos. Every goodbye is bittersweet and by the time most people have left, Liam feels like a wreck.

 

After every goodbye, Liam searches around for Zayn who doesn’t seem to be anywhere. Liam knows he must be somewhere, but he’s lost amongst the sea of black and white gowns.

 

After he says goodbye to Abby for what seems like the fiftieth time, Liam sighs, finally admitting to himself that Zayn must have already left and that he wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye. As he and Niall walk towards the parking lot, Liam hears his name being called behind him.

 

Liam turns and sees Zayn running towards him. He’s discarded his black graduation robe somewhere, and is instead clad in a crisp white button up and freshly pressed black slacks. His black tie is coming undone and his hair is a bit of a mess but to Liam he still looks perfect.

 

Niall squeezes Liam’s shoulder and says he’ll meet him back at the car and Liam stands there, waiting for Zayn to catch up to him.

 

“Hey, Liam,” Zayn says, a tiny bit winded from his sprint, “I thought I missed you.”

 

Liam smiles, “I thought I missed you. I’ve been looking for you all night.”

 

Zayn returns the smile but it’s a bit hesitant and it makes the one on Liam’s face falter a bit.

 

“I’m really gonna miss you, Zayn,” Liam sighs out. His stomach is clenched and his heart feels heavy in his chest. Liam’s been waiting for Zayn to enter his life for such a long time, and now that he’s there, he doesn’t want Zayn to leave.

 

“You know, this doesn’t have to be goodbye, Li,” Zayn says reaching out and grabbing one of Liam’s hands.

 

Liam feels the blood rush to his cheeks at the sudden touch of Zayn’s skin against his.

 

“What do you mean? Zayn, you’re leaving in a couple of months.”

 

Zayn laces his fingers through Liam’s and the gesture is so simple yet so intimate that Liam stops breathing for a second. “I know, but the university’s only an hour’s drive from here. I’ll be coming back pretty often to see my family anyway so I’ll be able to see you a lot. I care about you, Liam, so much. I can’t stand to say goodbye to you. Not now, not ever. We can make this work.”

 

“Make what work?” Liam asks, a bit dumbfounded. Liam’s heart feels like it’s about to beat right out of his chest because Zayn can’t be saying what Liam thinks he’s saying. That’s not possible at all.

 

“This,” Zayn says, drawing Liam’s attention to their intertwined hands, “us.”

 

“Us,” Liam repeats. He still can’t believe what Zayn’s saying.

 

He doesn’t start to believe it until Zayn’s lips are suddenly on his. Zayn’s lips are soft and warm and his kisses slow and hesitant. Liam is a bit surprised at first but then he starts to kiss back, giving Zayn the confidence to continue with a bit more force.

 

It’s nothing like when Josh kissed him. Zayn’s hands aren’t roaming all over Liam’s body. Instead he keeps one locked in Liam’s and the other moves to the back of Liam’s neck where his fingers wind into Liam’s curls.

 

Zayn tilts Liam’s head just a little, deepening the kiss, and Liam relishes in the surprisingly intoxicating taste of mint gum and tobacco. Liam’s free hand reaches forward and grabs the front of Zayn’s shirt, pulling him closer.

 

Liam doesn’t know how long they stand there kissing. It could be a few seconds or it could be a few minutes. People might be walking by staring or giving them disgusted looks but Liam will never know because Zayn’s lips are on his and Zayn is holding his hand and Zayn feels the same way about him as he does about Zayn and nothing else matters.

 

Finally Zayn separates from Liam with a breathy laugh and Liam almost whimpers because all he wants is the feeling of Zayn’s lips pressing against his.

 

Zayn fully embraces Liam and nuzzles his nose into Liam’s neck. “So are you willing to give us a chance?”

 

Liam giggles a little, a blush creeping up his neck and into his cheek because of the tickle from Zayn’s breath. He feels like he’s floating on a cloud because Zayn is holding him and Zayn just kissed him and Zayn wants him to be his.

 

Maybe Zayn is right and maybe they can make this work. Distance is not that big a deal. Not with Facebook and Skype and texting and phone calls. And if Zayn comes down to visit a lot, then it’ll be like he’s not even gone.

 

 Liam’s not big on taking risks, but he admits sometimes they’re necessary.

 

“I’m willing to do whatever I can to make this work.”