Chapter Text
How did it start? When did it start? Those are some of the cliche questions that Ichigo is always asked but can never answer, not even for himself. Maybe it started back in Hueco Mundo, maybe it started during the Quincy war and maybe it started all the way back when Inoue rang the bell to the clinic all wet from the rain and with a face full of tears and misery hanging heavy on her shoulders.
If he really had to say, it might have started right before Hueco Mundo, when he inevitably started to pay attention to her fully and really see her, after failing to protect her that time, taking shape when he lost all his abilities and possibility of helping anyone, when he was useless she remained a constant at his side even knowing that he couldn’t fight for her anymore, looking back he already had the biggest and most tender of softspots for her when he was fighting to gain back his powers, when he realized it Ichigo was always counting on her presence at his side, almost as if she was a part of him that was briefly ripped away from him, leaving him unbalanced when the reality of events were twisted and turned by someone in pain and finally his feelings settled inside his heart during the Quincy war his mind had already made peace with them without his rational consent.
But, he does remember when he noticed it happen, he’s no fool he knew she was beautiful all the way back in highschool, even before he became a shinigami for that first time but it wasn’t a problem back then, she was just beautiful and that was it, the problem with her undeniable beauty began when he started to think about her all the time.
He was aware that there was something already during the war, he could be naive sometimes but he’s not stupid. She was already special but there was no time, lives were at stake, everything they’d fought to protect in the past could be undone with the snap of that man’s fingers. But he could fight for her, and she could protect him in return. He could notice her, put her worries at ease, is the least he could do, make sure she was safe and feeling alright. Reassure her, even when he himself wasn’t sure of the outcome but it was said like a promise, an oath to her and himself.
Ichigo would remember that first glance after the war forever, when their eyes first met after so much sorrow and pain and finally victory. She had healed herself and Rukia while they battled and the two women sat side by side leaning on the other, still exhausted and praying for the best outcome, everything around them silent and destroyed. When they made their way back, in pain and still terrified but somehow satisfied, the girls smiled and when his eyes settled on her face he could notice that it wasn’t a relieved smile but a confident one, almost approving as if she knew that he would come back, almost as if affirming satisfied inside her mind that once again she was right.
And even then he knew that the sparkling warmth he felt spreading through his chest and towards his arms wasn’t just pride.
He never had a big moment of realization in which he instantly knew he wanted her in his life, it was very slowly, like a constant weaving net that steadily took grasp over his heart, it was comfortingly warm like a blanket that remained light as a feather but firm and strong as a sequoia tree. There was a time after the war of so much uncertainty, was his spiritual pressure so strong that he wouldn’t be able to return home?And when he did return it was like walking on a decaying bridge, one that you walked across confidently through your whole life feeling safe but now it’s crumbling at your feet.
Even so his friends proved to him once again that the string that united them was stronger than something so mundane like having to graduate, but Ichigo got scared anyways, everyone was branching out, the times to hang out like before were starting to scarce and even deciding what to do with his future was too much.
And his friends, Ichigo has the best friends he could’ve ever wished for, when they could only see each other in school they would spend every time they could together, probably because they were all as scared as he was and if there was a single moment in which two of them or three, a miracle if it was everyone in which they could hang out for just an hour then they would make it happen.
And it was right then that he found himself not only enjoying the times in which it was only Inoue and himself that could make it, but he also found himself seeking those occasions, looking forward to them.
Being with her was like being under the sun on a winter day, when the sun warms you so much you can just wear a single shirt despite the cold of the season, and he found her so funny and charming even more so than before and without the uncertainty of what ifs and what or who would be the next enemy around, enjoying her presence was like a soothing balm to almost every wound on his heart and mind.
And there was also that time, a while before they started dating when they saw each other almost every day even with no threats around nor a precise excuse other than to just spend time together, that time Ichigo was alone in his room, his stomach twisted in an almost painful knot, the tip of his tongue itching with the words he had wanted to say during the evening.
He had been trying to get his life together, get used to the normalcy of life or as much normalcy as he could ever get. He had his degree and a proper job but it was just as an assistant and he wanted more. Ichigo knew Orihime had noticed his change but he wanted to give her the life she deserved before saying a word, he was a man and he had his pride. Ichigo knew he was a proper… well whatever he was actually but the point is he is capable of offering protection against numerable threats, but he also wanted to have a proper life as a human man, to be able to provide somewhere she could always call home, Ichigo wanted a proper human life and he wanted to share it with her. So he would keep quiet until he felt everything was just as it should, he would keep her right on sight never too far and when he’s ready, Ichigo would open up his door and invite her in.
But that day no doors were opened, things weren’t just right yet, Rukia’s and Renji’s wedding was just in a couple days, he had been seeing Inoue almost every day and it still wasn’t enough for him, he wanted, god he wanted.
He had been slowly trying to introduce the idea to his family, subtly asking; What do you think? Do you like her? Does she feel like family to you like she feels to me? Do you like it when she comes over? Would you like her to be around more like me? Am I enough for her? Isn’t she too good for me? It had been years since the Kurosaki family gave an opinion about her, they had known her for so long it felt weird to be talking about her in that way, back then Ichigo didn’t care about what they thought of his friend but he started to quite a few years back, later he realized why they didn’t, it was like an unspoken agreement, she was different and their relationship was different in a fundamental way and as if they could feel it and chose to keep quiet, give them space let them walk on their own. Probably not even consciously but they did and somehow he was grateful for it.
That day, they had been making the last few stitches on Rukia’s veil at his house, just a few details that needed a retouch to be sure it looked neat and perfect for the ceremony in case she really wanted to wear it.
Sadly, their friends' schedule was too busy for all of them to make it again and it had been a miracle that they had the day before.
This time Chad was the last one to leave, besides Inoue of course, who had been invited and insisted to stay after she tried to excuse herself, repeating that she really didn’t want to impose. She had looked at Ichigo with big bright eyes seeking aid, but instead of telling his family to back off like he would have in the past, he just said that she didn’t have to if she really didn’t want to, but she wasn’t imposing and it would be nice if she stayed.
Inoue had no choice to make after that, she just nodded dazedly and let herself be pushed around by his sisters. After that she soon relaxed again, although once in a while she couldn’t help but to send him little glances.
She stayed until after dinner and Ichigo walked her home. It was a beautiful starry night but the wind was a little too chilly to be comfortable.
He had left her at the door and he had wanted to take her hand but, he felt like his hands were too cold and so he closed them into a fist and when he saw her about to say goodbye right there in front of him with a small smile and sparkling eyes, Ichigo had wanted then more than he ever had before.
He just stood there like a fool with his mouth open and her name on the tip of his tongue, he couldn’t say it, so he just stammered a clumsy goodbye to a confused Inoue and left.
But the taste of her name had not left, Ichigo had not been able to say it, but the taste remained until late that night, when the stars illuminated his room with soft hues of blues and he sat on his bed for hours unable to sleep until he couldn’t resist it anymore.
“Orihime” He whispered to himself, and the knot on his stomach dissolved into a thousand butterflies spreading upwards and towards his heart.
With a light blush he placed a hand over his eyes frustrated, he wanted to curse himself for being so stupid about this but still… On the other hand it felt wrong to say her name like this, after so long of only last names to say it without her consent but he still whispered to himself again and again, Ichigo couldn’t resist the sweetness with which her name coated all of his mouth and his heart with it.