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It was nice.
For once Bad and Forever were hanging out just like that. Working together on something. Bonding over their son’s interest in collecting trees. Even if they weren’t with them. It still was kinda nice.
It almost felt like the earlier island days.
No fighting, no screaming, no arguments. For the first time in what felt like ages they were just hanging out. Without politics, without accusations, without distance.
It almost felt like it used to be between them. Almost.
But they couldn’t pretend like everything was fine forever. Because it wasn’t. It wasn’t like it used to be anymore. Things had changed. And they were not fine.
And this was the first time since Forever got back that Bad had a chance to actually get the answers to the questions Forever just left him with when he went away.
“You remember before you left what you said?” He needed to know. What did Forever know about the eggs? About Dapper? As much as he would have liked to stay in that delusional state of everything being ok, he couldn’t.
“Oh yeah, actually I was just playing with you and I wish you just left that worker alone. I was just trying to get your attention because I was thinking you should just leave that worker alone, man.”
And that's when Bad’s heart broke for the first time. A sharp pain of betrayal cutting through it.
“So you were just messing around?” Bad almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He for sure must have misheard, right? Forever would never go that far, right? He knows how much Dapper means to Bad. He wouldn’t have done that to him. Right?
“Not messing around. I was just trying to help that worker.”
“What worker?” Bad’s head was spinning. Trying to find anything to make this ok, to change what he just heard and to stop the growing pain in his chest.
“You for sure know what I’m talking about, Bad.” And of course Bad knew but at the same time it felt like he didn’t know anything anymore. Like he didn’t know the man standing in front of him anymore.
“So you pretended like you had information about Dapper to help a worker that doesn’t exist?”
Bad brain still refused to believe that Forever would do that. That he would use his son , the most important thing in the world to him and whose disappearance had broken him so deeply, to find a person he didn’t even know, who was working for the federation, and he didn’t even have any proof that Bad was actually involved in the kidnapping. Did Forever actually go that far?
“Yeah, I was pretending to, to try to get you to show me where the worker is or put me in the same place as he was.”
So he actually did. And he didn’t even sound like he felt bad for it. It didn’t even feel like he realized what he had done. That he had gone too far.
This time he really went too far.
“Hmm… ok.” It was all that Bad could say. He had no words left.
“What is happening with the worker, Bad? Did you actually set him free?”
Bad stayed silent, deep in his own mind.
The crack had solidified but the pain turned dull, walls rising high to close it back off. It was easier not to let anyone in. He had known that and still opened it up. Maybe he was a fool. Maybe he should have seen it coming. Even if they had been on different sides for so long now and even if his mind disagreed, Bad had trusted Forever with his whole heart.
But Forever had made his choice and his place clear now. He was the president after all.
“Well, have fun with your saplings. I’ll see you later.” Bad was done. He just wanted to get away.
“If I ever come up with something about the eggs, Bad, you are one of the first people I will tell, man. Really.” And Forever sounded like he meant it, like he always did. And maybe it was because he believed it himself.
“Ok.” I don’t believe you , was what Bad really thought. How could he ever trust him again after this?
“I’m missing them as much as you are.” And Bad knew that Forever meant it.
“I’m sure you are.” But he also knew that Forever had no idea how horribly Bad was actually doing without them. How much he was actually hurting.
“Wouldn’t be willing to do like bad stuff to innocent people though.” And Forever also believed this but that's where they disagreed. Bad was willing to do whatever it takes to get the eggs back. But was that worse than betraying your best friend and messing with his feelings for basically the enemy? Was it worse than not even realizing how bad you were hurting someone? At least Bad knew that what he did was hurting people.
After a while of silence Forever continued.
“I saw the eggs place. I went there to see the book. Was looking so cool. So many memories, right?”
“Yeah. Lots of memories.” Memories that hurt like knives as long as they didn’t know if they would ever get the chance to make new ones.
“Yeah.”
“Well. Yeah.”
“They will come back, Bad.” Forever was reading the awkward silence very differently than what was actually going on with Bad.
“Yeah. No, I know they will.” Because I will make sure of it, is what Bad didn't say. “It's just you know… I guess it's surprising…” A part of Bad just desperately wanted Forever to understand. To understand what he did. How much he hurt him.
“What is surprising?” Forever asked curiously.
“I don't know. Just the lengths some people will go to, you know?” And Bad was not talking about what he was willing to do to get his kids back.
“Oh definitely, actually.” But Forever was. He didn’t even stop to think about the possibility that it was directed at him. At what he did. It felt like they were having two very different conversations here.
“Yeah.”
“I don't want you to do anything that you will regret, Bad.” And the irony of Forever saying this. Bad was ok with regretting things if it meant he would get the kids back. It didn’t matter if he had to live with what he did for the rest of his immortal life if it meant saving Dapper and Pomme and all the other eggs.
“Yeah. You neither. I would hate for you to make a decision that… you ended up regretting later. You know.” And Forever had no idea that he had already made that decision. The moment he used Dapper against Bad was the moment he went too far. He chose the federation over the eggs. But maybe he wouldn’t even regret losing Bad because of it. “You gotta be careful, Forever, we gotta stay on the right track, you know?”
“You know what I was thinking, Bad?”
“What?” Bad wasn’t sure if he even wanted to hear what Forever was gonna say.
“I’m actually glad that Cucurucho drugged me.” He definitely didn’t want to hear it.
“Why?” Bad was already worried about the answer but also curious to see how Forever could see anything good in what happened.
“Because like before, I was having so many bad thoughts. I was like not in control of myself. Thinking about killing everyone. You know like just like out of control actually.” And being on Cucurucho’s drugs was so much more you being in control of yourself, but Bad didn’t say anything and just listened, we could have been in this together.
“Even though I don’t think what Cucurucho did was good, at least I have nothing that I regret about it, actually.”
And this is when Bad’s heart broke the second time that day. He had already put up his walls but hearing this crashed right through them, piercing into what was left. After everything they went through, after everything Forever did and said while he was on drugs he regretted nothing ?
“Well, kind of, right? I remember that I blew you up, once. And I regret that. I’m actually happy that you didn’t die that day. That anger was not about you. It was about Cucurucho and the eggs that were missing. Just happy that we’re over it.”
Bad almost let out a cold, distant laugh. At least Forever regretted something about that day. But the explosions were by far the worst thing he did. Bad still saw Forever’s empty eyes when he asked Bad to marry him in the rose field whenever he closed his eyes at night.
“Yeah. Nah, I’m glad we’re over it. I’m glad we are past that. That was pretty, uhm, pretty messed up. When you were all drugged.” Everything Forever had done and said in that state should be something worth regretting but they had different standards for that apparently.
“Yeah.”
“Doing Cucurucho’s bidding on drugs is probably the second worst thing that could happen, you know.” How could he ever think that anything coming out of that was good or even just ok? Had Bad been so wrong about everything he ever thought about Forever?
“It's all about my son, right?”
“Yeah.” And still everything Forever did seemed to be for the Federation.
“I think I don’t know how to live without Richarlyson.”
“No, I understand.” And Forever had no idea how deeply Bad understood that statement. His mind flashed back to the cyan birds in the secret lab. All the nights spent there instead of sleeping.
“I hope he somehow finds his way home. Just naked. Without anything. He just sent a message to us. You probably saw it already, right?”
“Yeah.” At this point Bad was more talking on autopilot about the message and the picture he found the other day. Very distant.
He was too hurt and tired to argue.
“I guess time will tell. I hope they come back to us soon.” Because if they didn’t Bad wasn’t sure how much longer he could take it. But he would not give up.
“I’m pretty sure they will, Bad. If there's anything I can do for you just please let me know, Bad.” And Bad knew that he meant it. Which almost made things worse.
“I will. Don't worry. I think I'll need something soon.”
“Ok”
"Yeah."
And that was where the conversation ended. They said their awkward goodbyes. It had never been like this. Maybe the fact that they didn’t fight and scream and shout at each other was the reason why this conversation felt so much worse than any fight they had before.
“Bye bye, Bad. Take care.”
“Bye. Goodbye.”
Forever moved in for a hug and even after everything Bad hugged him back just as tight.
"Hug. Yeah, let's hug it out. This might be one of the last friendly hugs we'll get. You never know.” There was a sad smile on Bad’s face and maybe his heart broke a third time.
The hug almost felt like a hug goodbye. A hug to say goodbye to something you don’t know you will ever get back. At least to Bad it felt like that.
“Yeah you are never gonna know when it's gonna be the last one, right?” And Forever focused on the hug aspect rather than the friendly part of what Bad said. And even then he was still right.
“Yeah, you never know.” Bad hated how final all of this felt.
“Whatever's happening, Bad, I’m always gonna take care of you, my friend.” And Bad knew that that was what Forever thought he was doing. He knew deep down that Forever really cared about him.
“You too, Forever. I got your back.” And even after everything Bad still cared so much about Forever as well.
But sometimes love is just not enough.