Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Silence. Daniel absolutely hated it. Since he can remember, he had always been a loud, expansive person, constantly expressing his thoughts freely, never holding back something he evaluated as worth saying. He loved blasting, and dancing music, loved small talk, loved to make people laugh and laugh along with them. So now, sitting on that couch in the midst of the crushing absence of sound, he felt desperate. It was painfully uncomfortable.

This was in spite of the spacious room, decorated with bright colors, with lots of windows opened to the morning wind of the summer of Monaco. Still, it was like being under the water, with no chatting, no jokes, no music. Just... nothing. And he hated it. So. when it dragged way too much, he said it out loud.

“I hate this.”, he mumbled. It felt strange, to say it out of the blue and so rawly, but it was the truth.

“You hate what, Daniel?”, Dr. Laura prompted, attentively.

She was an older, french woman, always with kind eyes that made you feel like talking to your mom after a bad day at school.

“This”, he gestured generally to the room.

“The therapy?”

“No, the silence.” he explained “How we sat here almost an hour ago and didn't manage to sort anything out.”

Dr. Laura nodded, seeming to understand. At his side, on the couch, his wife shifted. From the moment they arrived, she had curled up there — arms crossed, scrunched between the pillows as if she wanted to be swallowed by the furniture. He hated that too.

“Maybe hate is not the best word to express this feeling”, Dr. Laura spoke softly looking at him, “Maybe you're feeling frustrated for not being able to track the progress as fast as you wished?”

He let out a humorless laugh. He hated that too, how she ways seemed to read his mind and explain in beautiful words what to him was just: frustration, anger, more frustration.

“Or do you mean something else?”

“You make me sound like I'm impatient, but it's not it.”

“What is it then?”

“I just…” he sucked a breath, trying to convey his thoughts into words, trying to explain to Dr. Laura what it was.

However, mid-thought he realized it wasn't her he wanted to talk to. So, bravely, he turned to the side to face his Eleonor. She didn't move, stayed curled up to herself, staring at the ground, her loose dark hair partly covering her beautiful face.

“How did we get into this? We’ve been here before and it was easy.”, he pleaded, failing to not sound frustrated but restraining his anger as much as he could. “We talked about stuff, you were even better than me, and– and now you won't say a word…”
She looked at him for a second, dark, sad eyes, before returning her gaze to the ground again.

“Daniel…” she whispered, reluctantly. It turned something inside of him, a cruel spark of hope.

“What?” he prompted, ready to hear her talk. Something, anything. Honestly, he didn't care if she got mad at him or hated him, or asked him to leave. He only needed to hear her say it to him. Desperately.

But of course, she didn't. After an embarrassing pause, Dr. Laura spoke again:

“Let's go one topic at a time, all right? You said you were here before, what does it mean?”

He reluctantly looked away from his wife and turned to a therapist with a grimace, grumpy as hell.

“Uh... we did therapy before.”

“Couple therapy?”

“No, it was more of…” he shook his head, how could he explain it? “Well, it was, uh, over two years ago, when we were kinda struggling to learn sign language. It was more to gain confidence and... I don't know.”

“I see. Do you think that therapy was like this one?”

“No.” he almost laughed, of course it was different. “We are talking about different, uh... issues.”

“Okay. So maybe it's normal to act differently here than you two acted back then, don't you think?”

He made a face when he saw where she was getting. He hated this as well, how in some sessions (more than less), with Dr. Laura defending his wife, he felt it was him against the two. Which, if he was honest, wasn't totally unfair – because, in the end, he got her side. He just wished not to feel so alone in this.

“Yes”, he muttered.

“But you wish it could be the same?”

He opened his mouth to answer, only to find out he didn't know. Back in the sign-language-confidence therapy/class, he was the one struggling the most. He was the one always mopey and unsure of the future, and Eleonor was the one boosting him up and never letting go of her optimism. Either way was terrible.

“I don't know…”

“It's normal to cling to the past because it's familiar. But if you hold on to tight to it, it might hold you back from overcoming the present challenges, you know”?

He nodded.

“Do you agree, Eleonor?” Dr. Laura gave it a hopeful try.

Eleanor denied it with her head, but they both knew what it meant: it wasn't that she didn't agree, it was that she didn't want to talk about it. After another frustrating silence lapse, the session didn't last much. In the end, Dr. Laura gave her farewells and made reassuring affirmations on how they keep working the following week.

“I think in the next session we can try something different” she suggested by the door “Maybe split the time between you two.”

That took Daniel by surprise.

“You mean to talk to us separately?”

It seemed ironically controversial as to what couple therapy was supposed to mean, but Dr. Laura acted as if was normal and acceptable.

“It's not a permanent arrangement, just to see if we get new perspectives for a week or so. But only if you two are up to it.”, a tiny, reassuring smile, “Think about it.”

Once out of the office, Eleonor told him she needed to go to the bathroom and Daniel nodded He knew she was going there to cry for a bit without anyone watching her and he could only sit in the waiting room miserably. Until last month, she used to cry in the car once they got out of the building. It was terrible, yes, but at least he was there by her side, trying to offer some comfort. But, one day, it changed. She now cried in the bathroom and spent the ride home awfully quiet. Daniel had no idea what had changed and he couldn't help to wonder if he had made some unforgivable mistake.

“Oh, you're still here” Dr. Laura appeared in the corridor and smiled at him sympathetically, dropping some papers by the reception.

“Yeah.” he sat straighter, “Els went to the bathroom.”

“Oh, right.”

For a second, didn't know what else to say. But then, something occurred to him, and he got up and walked over to her.

“Hey, I, hum... don't know if this is wrong or not but,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “Don't you maybe have some tips for me?”

Dr. Laure gave a smile, amused.

“Tips?”

“Yeah. On how to get her to open up. This is really killing me, you know.”

Her smile turned into something sad.

“I'm sorry, Daniel, that’s not how it works. Do you remember what we said not long ago, about patience?”

“Yeah…” he mumbled.

He liked to believe he was being patient, and still. Still. Sometimes, patiently waiting didn’t seem different than simply sitting and watching the woman he loved getting further and further away from him.

He spent the ride home thinking about it.

Of course, he wanted to go back to how things were before. It wasn't perfect, obviously, but it was undeniably better. They used to spend more time together, laughing and chatting, talking about nothing and everything. He loved talking to her more than pretty most everything else in life.

He was sure they had a really special heart-to-heart connection, way back since their first date. He recalled it fondly while driving by the Avenue de La Costa, how they met it is. Daniel couldn't help but think, what went wrong? They went through something difficult, yes, but why couldn't they do it together this time?

When he parked down at their home, they both sat silently in the car for a while. He knew she wouldn't say anything if he didn't first, so he did:

“Listen, I…” he did his best to speak softly, calming. “I don't want to pressure you, all right?”

Eleonor nodded.

“I know”, she whispered.

“Honey.” he called, almost painfully, “Look at me, okay?”

After a painful beat, she did – shiny dark eyes turned to him, expectantly. So sad. Daniel wished he could wipe it all away. If he could, he'd just take his heart out and give it to her. Only if it wasn't so bruised too.

“We’ll be alright”, he said softly.

Because what else there was to say? What else have they still got? She softened a bit with it, her shoulders slouching down, her eyes instantly shining with tears.

“You know that, right?” he felt the urge to be sure.

“Yeah.” she murmured, her low voice rasping, still looking softly at him “I do.”

He didn't expect to release a breath of relief as he did. Had he thought she didn't? He pushed the feeling aside, to a very dark corner of his mind, and focused on the honesty behind her words — because he knew she was being honest. And for today, at least, that was enough for him.

+++

“Eleanor mentioned you'll have a break from work soon.” Dr. Laura brought up during their individual session the following week.

“Oh, yeah. The summer break is in three weeks.”

“How are you feeling about it?”

Daniel scowled and swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. It was his second year in McLaren and it should be, technically, calmer now, that he was more adapted and everything. Except it wasn’t.

“Uh, I, actually I haven't put much thought into it, honestly. I was operating in a kind of automatic mode lately, you know.”

She nodded.

“After everything, you didn't think of taking a break from work?”

He furrowed his brows. Was she joking? But then he remembered they haven’t know Dr. Laura back then and she didn’t witness his multiples nervous episodes and willingness to got into a hole in the ground.

“Well, yes,”, he chose the words after a beat, “but it's not that simple.”

“How so?”

Well… where could he begin? Maybe with his talks with Zak Brown at the beginning of the season about him not “meeting the team's expectations”? Or maybe with him telling the press he still has one more year with the team while they speculate his contract will end early? Or maybe the fact that despite this being a terrible season so far is the only thing keeping him from losing his mind?

“My situation at work is a bit... complicated.” he settled for this instead. “The press speculations about my contract and so… Partly is from the silly season, I suppose. Pretty normal in the business.”

Her eyebrows went up in surprise. Only then he realized, in all their sessions, he hadn't mentioned a thing about work. Ever.

“Do you want to elaborate?”

He absolutely-fucking did not. How could he fit the crasy last weeks of media speculation, bad performance, and flashbacks of not so long ago when it happened for the first time. Not even Els knew.

“It’s just the season stress, you know? Time for summer. I think is gonna be good to actually take a break. But, again, I don't think it's necessarily going to be fun, either. Given the circumstances.”

He felt almost guilty for worrying about it now.

“And what does your wife think of it?”

“Of what?”

“Your season stress.”

Oh.

“Oh… I’m, hm, kinda haven’t got into the details with her, actually.”

He saw the disappointment in Dr. Laura’s expression. Yeah, yeah, Daniel knew he made a mistake there. But it was just… argh. When everything happened he was already so stressed, so depressed actually, that he just wished to ignore it while he could. He came home after the Montreal Grand Prix absolutely crashed, and when Eleonor asked him about it, he just shrugged it away. They already had enough to worry about.

“And why is that?”

“Ah…” he rubbed a hand over his stubble. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Daniel…”

“OK. It’s a big deal. But still... you know. We have been through so much that I don’t want to bring more to the table”, he suddenly was defensive, “And now, to be honest, I don’t wanna talk about it either. I just wanna go on vacation and… I don’t know.”

She nodded, apprehensively. Then he was grateful when she changed the topic:

“Do you and Eleonor usually have plans for it?”

“Yes.” A smile escaped him, remembering. “When we started dating, I invited her to spend a weekend with me in LA, and from there we ended up venturing to Mexico. It had been a tradition since then.”

“Going to the US?”

“No, visiting two countries.” He clarified. They were a bit of adventurous. “We have been doing this ever since. Except for when she was pregnant.”

He said the last part lower, as is his voice was dying as the memories flooded in.

“You have traveled with your son then?”

“Yeah, surprisingly”. Daniel genuinely smiled now, his heart thankful for this other perspective. “When he was one year old we thought, why not? Then we went to Paris, more because Els needed to pass on Sorbonne for work, but we seized the opportunity and then spent a few days with my family in Australia. And then, last year, we took him to Disney.”

Nate’s first trip was something. Daniel and Eleonor were so excited that they didn’t stop to consider what traveling internationally with a baby meant – an adventure itself. They spent more time in the hotel than anywhere else, alternating their sleeping schedules, a stark difference from their non-parental trips before he was born, but it was cool in its own way. The second trip, on the other side, was definitely more thrilling. Since now Nate could walk and ask for things and actually have fun.

He spent the rest of the session talking about Nate, which was easier and automatically warmed his heart with fondness. It made him consider that, maybe, a summer break trip would only to good, for all of them. So, once back home, he approached Eleonor on the kitchen with the idea. She was finishing washing the dishes silently, and Daniel rested his elbows on the white marble kitchen counter.

“Listen, I was thinking. About the summer break” he started, careful but excited, testing waters. Glad when she looked at him over her shoulder curiously. “We didn't talk about it, but I think might be a good idea. Especially if Nate's going to preschool in September, it'll be our last month of vacation–like. Then he’ll be in school for the next… fifteen years. It’s a big deal.”

He tried to sound relaxed as if it wasn't a big deal. Eleonor thought for a moment, rinsing the last dishes.

“Sounds about right.”

“Really?” he sounded way too high-pitched and much excited and tried to suppress it. “I mean, really?”

“Yeah. It'll be good for him.”

Not just him, Daniel thought to himself. She breathed in by finishing the dishes, whipping her hands seeming tired, and turned to look at him a bit uncertain.

“Maybe just go to Duncraig, that'd be okay? I don't feel much like exploring this time.”

Yeah, he expected that. But it wasn't where he wanted to go with that conversation. He took a deep breath and drew a nervous smile.

“Actually, I had something else in mind. But don't say no, the right way, okay?” he added quickly. “Just think about it first, you have a few days to consider, no rush.”

Eleonor shot him and apreehensive look from leaning on the sink.

“Hm... okay”

“Right. Hm. So, I was thinking... we could go to Brazil.”

She froze. He instantly regretted it.

“What?” her eyes were wide and her voice a grouch.

“Just listen, all right? I think it'll be good for you to–”

“Good for me?!” she blurted out, a step ahead and her hands pressing down on the kitchen counter

“Yes.” Daniel pressed a bit desperate. “To try something different and, at the same time, familiar. Like returning home with a new perspective after all this…”

“Home?!” she was looking at him as if she didn't know him, a mix of terror and unbelief in her eyes that made Daniel feel like he had committed a terrible, terrible mistake. “You gotta be kidding me, Daniel. My home is here, not there. You know that. That's not fair.”

“I'm not dumb, Els.” He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “I don't mean your home city, I mean anywhere else. It's a big country, we can go in secret and work out so no one sees us there. We can even go to see Interlagos, maybe.”

He had a mental list with all the reasons on how that would be a perfect healing–journey–destination. They seemed pretty reasonable earlier on the car back home, but now, with her looking like she was going to combust or burn him with her eyes, he was regret it.

She pulled a face, exasperated, before covering her eyes with her hands and shaking her head.

“I can't believe you're saying this.”

She sounded tired. Exhausted. As if she didn't even want waste efforts arguing. Daniel felt lost.

“I swear to God, it can be a good thing.”

“I assure you it cannot.” She murmured angrily.

“Why?” He was pleading. Suddenly, he was furious too, but more despondent than anything, as if she was so, so far away.

“You know why.”

“Because of your family? Because you had a shitty time there ages ago and you can't face it? Because let me tell you, I'm having a shitty time right now and being forced to endure it, and I–”

He stopped upon seeing the look on her face: absolute, sheer, complete devastation. His heart sank in his chest. He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have said that.

“Sorry, I…” he floundered even before starting properly.

He shouldn't have said that.

But before he could think of an apology, before finding out it there could be one, Eleonor turned on her heels and left the kitchen in a hurry without looking back. He heard the front door clicking not long after that.

“Shit.” escaped his lips in a whisper, gnawed by guilt.

Daniel knew better than try to go after her, after all this tip-toeing from the last months, so he was left in the kitchen, curved over the kitchen counter, in his own misery. Part of him was still mad because they couldn't seem to sort this out anyway. But there was a bigger part of him feeling guilty as hell for bringing that topic with such insensibility. Fuck, that was a delicate thing for her, something she had confided for him in a moment of vulnerability, in fearful whispers and emotional tears. And now he had just discarded it like it was nothing.

He didn’t seem to get anything right these days.

He felt a tug on the hem of his shirt and looked down to find dark curls and an adorable pout as his son looked up at him.

"I'm hungry" he signed. Thankfully unaware of all the chaos.

"Sure, buddy. Sorry for the delay" he signed back, trying to put on a smile, and crouching to be at his eye level, "how does pasta sound, uh?"

+++

Max came by when they were eating. Daniel went to open the door already knowing it must have been him, and he felt immensely grateful for it, really. Max greeted him with an apologetic expression and raised his hand with a box of beers.

“Oh, thank God.”

“Good night to you too”. Max greeted, entering the apartment. “Thought some dutch courage wouldn't do any harm.”

Daniel agreed.

“Yes. As soon as I send Nate to bed.”

They both seemed equally eager to do it, but, of course,as soon as Max entered the dining room, Nate (who was, until a second before, very sleepy) broke into a huge grin and almost jumped off his chair in excitement.

"Super Max!"

"Hello, Super Nate." Max signed after putting the beers over the wooden table of the living room.

"Come see my new car!" and then he was practically jumping out of the chair and going towards the living room, but Daniel caught him in the act and put him back in his seat.

"Dinner first, buddy".

Then he proceeded to eat everything as fast as he could so he could show Max the new cars he had bought just this morning in Monte–Carlo. To his credit, Max seemed to truly enjoy it.

"Jesus, that's a classic Mclaren you got here'', he commented, sat on the coloful mat surrounded by toys, "is this an M4B? I think it is, right from the 60s."

"Cool, buddy…" Nate sighed, dazzled, observing the model closely as if he understood what an M4B was.

Daniel couldn't help but smile at him. But the little one didn't last much, though, already yawning and rubbing his eyes once the novelty has worn out.

"Ok, time to bed" Daniel went to pick him up, but the kid protested.
"No. Mamãe..." he pouted.

Oh shit. Max averted his eyes. Daniel did his best to remain stoic.

"She went to visit aunt Kelly, she'll be back soon” he tried to transmit some calmness. “But once she arrives I'm sure she wants to see you in bed already".

Nate took a few steps away from him, refusing to go to bed without his mom. The only thing that appeased him was the purpose of waiting for her on the balcony. Only then he let Daniel pick him up, and they three went to seat outside on the recliners, by the night view of Larvotto Beach. Once Nate’s eyes started drifting shut and he reclined over his father’s warm chest, Daniel and Max began talking properly. Slowly, but seriously.

“As your friend, I feel the need to say”, Max said at one point, looking to check if Nate was really sleeping, comfortably between Daniel’s arms, “what the hell, mate?”

Something clenched in Daniel's chest hard and he couldn't hide his shame.

“Was it too bad?” He whispered, his hand rubbing Nate’s back absentmindedly.

“Well,” Max considered for a bit, “when I left she was crying.”

“Oh crap.”

“What happened?”

Daniel let out a breath, lost in his thoughts, and his friend mistook by something else.

“Oh, Daniel, what did you do?” Max enquired, now a bit accusatory and alerted.
“Nothing!” He reacted instinctively, only to realize what a lie it was at the same time Max made a disbelieving face at him. “Fine… I was a bit of a dick.”

“A bit?”

“Ouch.”

“I’m just trying to analyze the situation…” Max raised his hands defensively from the chair beside him. “Just wanna know what happened.”

Max seemed genuinely curious, and Daniel would have answered him the right way if he didn't get lost in his own thoughts. Because that was the point, wasn't it? What has happened?

Chapter Text

[Le Castellet, France – June 2019. Friday]

Eleonor woke up to find Daniel with a funny expression on his face. He was sat on the bed, by her side, with a crooked smile as if he was trying not to laugh.

“What?”, she asked, rubbing her eyes and with a confusing and sleepy voice.

“You were snoring.” His smile broke into an entertained grin.

She sat up quickly, alarmed.

“No way,” she murmured in disbelief, her voice still a little hoarse from the sleep of the dead.

“Yes way”, he leaned in to kiss her cheek fondly, finding it all very funny for sure.

“Oh, this is embarrassing.”

“No, it was adorable actually.”

“Did I wake you up?”

Only then she noticed he was having breakfast in bed. There were two trays next to him over the mattress, with coffee, juice, fruits, pancakes, croissants, and a bunch of other French classics. Daniel sat up with his legs crossed, in boxers only, relaxed against the mess of hotel pillows.

“No, I woke up early. I was considering waking you up too but the snoring, as we’ve established, was too adorable I couldn’t.”

Eleonor, on the other side, was wrecked as if a troop of trucks had rolled over her. She could still listen to Optimus Prime announcing: “ Autobots, let’s roll” .

“Oh, thanks.” She laid back over her mountain of pillows and the bed’s headboard – Not for the snoring compliment, though. Oh, gosh, I’m dead .”

By her side, eating a toast, Daniel made a small, acute sound.

“What?” She eyed him curiously.

“Nothing”. He shrugged without looking at her, though she could see the ghost of a smile threatening to appear on his side profile. “It’s just that you were not even a little bit tired last night.”

“Oh, prick…” Shee grumbled, bringing a pillow over her face to hide her embarrassment. Her last night self was an energetic slut, and her present self hated her.

“Actually” he announced, mouth full of toast and thoughtful pinched brows, “I’d like to state that made its way to my top 5 sex nights of life.”

She slowly slid the pillow out of her face with a deep frown.

“Your what ?”

“Top 5 sex nights of life.” He repeated, solemnly, while pouring a cup of hot chocolate. “It’s pretty self-explanatory, but if you want me to elaborate…” He gave her a sideways goofy look. “When two people love each other very much…”

“Jesus, I married a pubescent.” She murmured to the ceiling, regretting all of her life choices.

She brought a hand over her face, more to not let Dan see she was smiling reluctantly. She knew better than to encourage those libertine jokes of him. But of course, he went on in spite of it.

“Hear me out. Number Five: last night.” He announced with a faking narrator voice while handing her the hot chocolate.

She sat straighter to accept it, rolling her eyes playfully.

“Number four: our honeymoon’.He wiggled his eyebrows at her, making her blush in spite of everything. Jesus, this man… “See, I am romantic”.

“Ranking our sex nights is not romantic”. She deadpanned before taking a sip of the chocolate. Despite the heat of the French summer, it had become a habit of hers. A craving, Daniel had insisted.

“It is once you see the whole picture.”

She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“I’m not so sure, but okay.”

“Number Three: New Year’s Eve in Singapore.” He stated very seriously. “Though I don’t enjoy sharing the credits, I owe a bit to that hot tub in the Marina Bay Sands”.

“Fair enough”.

“Number Two: Monaco, last year”.

“Oh”. She smiled dreamily, her chest warming up with the memory. “ Yeah” .

“Yeah?”. He mimicked. A sly, proud grin. “Out of all the ones I've mentioned this is the one you agree with?”

“Well…” she tried to hide her smile, refusing to admit he had a point, as crazy as it was. Maybe all these years together had infected her. “To be honest, I thought you were making this all up until now. But Monaco was, yeah, mental.”

Daniel laughed, throwing his head back and clapping his hands as if he had achieved a victory by having her admit it. But what could she do?

It was remarkable, indeed. Maybe because of all that happened that day. There was, as everyone liked to call it, the redemption win for Daniel, plus the glamourous podium, the pool party, etc, etc, etc. Everything was so Gatsby and the celebration was so Monaco–like — the glamour, the champagne, the celebrities in the yachts, the music blasting, the drivers risking their DJ skills... What happened between them in the hotel that night was just an extension of all the buzzing.

“Anyway”. She raised her mug to hide her smile. “If that was number two, then which one is the number one?”

“Oh, now you wanna know?” He nudged her leg with his finger, playfully.

“Now I'm curious!” She teased before taking another sip of the hot chocolate.

“Well... okay. Number one belongs to…” he beat his fingers on the wooden tray to mimic suspension drums. “The night I got you pregnant.”

She choked on the drink.

“ What. ”

Daniel relaxed against the headboard, stretching his arms and then crossing his hands behind his head, unbothered.

“This is crazy”. She laughed in disbelief. “We can't know when that was”

“Of course we can, I remember it all too well. It was on Isaac's birthday.”

“ Ew .”

“Don't be a hypocrite, I bet you remember it too.”

Of course, she did remember – the birthday party, it is, it was a lovely night. A family intimate ceremony in Perth. Eleonor had always felt at ease with the Ricciardo family and that day was no different. Whenever Daniel was in his home city, there seemed to be a hundred people lining up behind him, wanting to tell him how much they missed him, so Eleonor chose to venture herself with Michelle, Grace, and the kids. On that birthday night, she divided her time between eating party candies and assisting in watching Isaac and his friends on the trampoline. Somehow, she also found Isabelle glued to her side for almost the whole night – a delightful company, really. And she had fun, under the summer breeze and friendly conversations, good drinks, and a familiar environment she had learned how to be part of.

Later, when the sun was setting, the crickets were chirping and the party was dying,  she was choosing a few leftover treats to take home, when Daniel appeared out of nowhere, hugging her from behind and whispering to her ear: “You're so lovely tonight, you know?". She smiled, tucking a few more candies on her plate "Thank you, Love". Then he shifted her, so she could stand to face him, with his arms around her waist, and stared at her dead serious – so serious she thought, for a second, something serious had happened – before speaking, lowly: "Tonight, let’s make a baby". She choked on air, half shocked and half amused. "What the hell, Daniel?", she laughed with her forehead pressed on his chest.

"I'm serious", to his credit, he didn't look like joking, "Tonight when we get home, we are going to make a baby". Eleonor could only laugh, amused "Sure". She gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning back to the table to continue her candy sorting. "So you're up to it?" he sounded way too excited, his eyes shining with mischief. "Yep, why not." she laughed again. He leaned in to kiss her shoulder, "I'm gonna rock your world”. "Aham, honey". After it, he drifted off to god knows where and she finished her business with the candies.

Of course, she thought it was a joke, for heaven's sake. Eleonor smiled to herself all the way out of the party, giving farewells to Danny's family and riding back to the ranch with him. It was, indeed, very funny, until they reached home and Daniel practically jumped over her once they were behind closed doors. That night, he seemed so... determined. It drove her insane. Looking back, she could concede it was a remarkable night (even P1-coded), but that didn't mean what Daniel was implying now.

However, maybe she was the naive one not putting much faith in it. After all, she knew Daniel acted out of his emotions and very decidedly. That’s how he asked her out on a date (flirting shamelessly with her the first time they met), how he asked her to be his girlfriend (in the middle of a random conversation about life), and how he proposed to her (in the middle of his surprise birthday party she had organized, just by looking at her and deciding they should grow old together). So, yes, considering having a baby wouldn’t be any different.

“You can't be serious”. She scoffed. “You can't…  impregnate people this way, that's not how it works.”

He looked infinitely amused.

“That's exactly how it works for the honey badger, baby.”

She shoved a pillow to his face.

“Ow!”.  He tossed it aside. “Not my fault you don't believe in my breeding powers”.

“Oh, my ears! My ears!” She playfully covered them, faking a crying face.

“You felt for my charm, no point in denying… You just have to make the calculus and match the dates, and now we have a mini Ric on the way!”

He had this big, bright, proud smile on his face while raising a hand in the space between them. Eleonor had no choice but to high-five it.

“Damn right, we do…”

“Oh, that’s my girl”. He came closer, a triumphant smile on his face, and kissed her lightly. Just a chaste brush of lips, but it made her heart warm inside either way. When he grew apart, he faked a theatrical lack of interest. “By the way, I was meaning to ask… Where did all that dirt talk come from?”

She let out a laugh, hands climbing his chest absently, her index finger sliding to trace the tattoo on his toned shoulder.

“You know what they say, you gotta keep the flame alive.”

Because the alternative to this was to admit the pathetic truth: that the hormones were driving her crazy.

“Oh…” He smiled affectedly, “My flame is very alive, you bet”.

He leaned in to kiss her again, but this time she turned her face so his lips met her cheek instead of her mouth. Then she playfully shoved him aside.

“Keep it in your pants, Ricciardo, we gotta leave soon I bet. And we still have the dinner later.” She sat up straighter while he grunted falling on her side.

“Damn it, Gasly” he mumbled faking annoyance.

“I don’t know about you, but I can’t be late because I’m determined to rock in my outfit today in my two-step plan”.

Daniel propped himself up on his elbow, head resting over his fisted hand, and stared at her with the same look he had all the other times she talked about it (a total of five just this week) as if the only reason he didn’t laugh was that he knew she was taking it seriously.

“Oh, come on, you always look fine at races”.

“Yeah, but ‘fine’ is not enough. I’m a senior.” She leaned over to grab a bowl of strawberries, hungry and determined.

She had been a Formula 1 fan long before meeting Daniel. There was a time when she had attended a few races in her life as an average civilian, wearing her lovely Williams merch and feeling happy about it. When she went to a race weekend as Daniel’s girlfriend for the first time, though, she soon realized the team’s merch (ironically) wasn’t the pattern in that glamorous paddock.

“Yeah, but ‘fine’ is not enough. I’m a senior.” She leaned over to grab a bowl of strawberries, hungry and determined.

“If you’re taking suggestions, I’m always voting for the “ Daniel Ricciardo rocks ” T-shirt, or that other one that says “ I’m head over heels for Danny Ric ”. Really fashionable stuff.”

Jokes aside, Eleonor took her outfits very seriously. So yes, she made them finish the breakfast hurriedly (or, rather, she ate quickly while Daniel stayed lazy in bed) to get ready without delays. She did her hair and make-up quickly, simple but elegant, before getting dressed. Her dark hair fell loose in waves, a nude palette makeup hiding her sunburn.  She had prepared a gorgeous dark blue dress with a rose floral print for that Friday. It had a high collar, long flowing sleeves, an open back, and a tight waist, a loose skirt reaching to her knees. Beautiful, she checked for the millionth time looking at the hotel bathroom mirror. Except for… oh no.

“Daniel!” She called, expressionless.

He appeared by the bathroom door soon, already in his full–Renault outfit, and let out a flowery, flirty whistle.

“Damn, gosh”. He leaned by the door, arms crossed over his chest, eyeing her up and down through the mirror. “You’re drop. Dead. Gorgeous. How can you-”

“No, no, no, no” She hastily reached for his hand, pulling him closer. “Look at this.”

She turned to face him, sideways to the mirror. He blinked, a bit confused.

“Hm… still gorgeous?”

She cupped his cheek and turned his face to the mirror, then slid her other hand in front of her belly. He took long to actually notice it, but, once he did, Daniel let out a gasp, eyes softening and full of emotions.

“Oh, geez…” he whispered as if he couldn’t believe it, arms dropping by the side of his body.

“I’m showing…”

She was smiling now. Grinning. A little too emotional, but what could she do? Nothing but to absently pick his hands and bring them to rest over her belly, a small bump now. A real bump. With a baby inside. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it rationally, but it was a good feeling.

“Oh my God…” he was talking so low, as if afraid to break the atmosphere, his fingers gently, timidly rubbing over the dress. “Oh. God.”

Eleonor couldn’t stop smiling, as silly as it was. How could she not have noticed it before? Maybe the stay-at-home and the two-hour car trip outfits from the last few days haven’t created the opportunity. But now, it was like her heart triple-sized in a beat, her hands moving to rest over Daniel’s.

“Look at this.” He looked into her eyes, beaming in wonder. “It’s so small. And so soon.”

And then.

“Oh no…”

“What?” His expression turned into worry rapidly.

“Nothing, it’s that… I’ll have to change.”

Daniel smiled softly at her.

— Oh, honey – he slid his hands to wrap around her waist and gave her a peck on the lips – Don’t worry. You’ll look good in anything .

+++

The sun was shining bright, the breeze was blowing cool, and the Paddock was buzzing lively. They passed the turnstiles to welcome the opening area, full of adults, kids, babies, elders, and all kinds of people with different-colored passes around their necks. A bunch of cameras moved to follow different newcomers, varying in size, and brands, and whether they were accompanied by journalists with mics or not. 

The main entry lane was pavemented with all sorts of stands, from eating areas to patisseries offers Eleonor mentally promised to check later (special shout out to a pain au chocolat tent). She walked at the same speed as her husband, though a little bit behind but not more than an arm's length, her improvised Renault merch a size too big, sunglasses and a black cap on, cell phone in hand, purse over her shoulder, and hair flying with the wind. They managed to walk maybe a few meters before the first fans started to pop up. 

Daniel was stopped a couple of times to take pictures and give autographs, which he did with a smile on his face, attentive small talk, and kind, but quick, farewells. In the meantime, he never let her go out of sight, always looking over his shoulder to catch her eye or blindly grabbing her hand closer to him. She didn't mind, truly, every few times even offering to take the pictures with the fans. Eleonor was surprised when some of them actually asked for her to be in the picture with them as well. It was lovely.

Halfway through it, however, the sun started to feel too hot and her throat suddenly was too dry. She kept with the pace nonetheless, despite an odd sensation.

This continued as they went to the motorhome areas, much noisier and busier. There, people were a colorful sea of team merch, many of them with headsets around the neck or documents in their hands, some even carrying a pile of tires naturally, as if strolling down the park on Sunday. 

Halfway through the path they ended up meeting Daniel’s team. Some faces were familiar to Eleonor, some not. Since it was his, what, eighth race with them only, she hadn’t had the opportunity to meet them all. Once actually surrounded by the crew, Daniel reached for her hand and held it close to him now. It was funny. One time he had told her it was to not lose her in the crowd. “A crowd of ten people”, she enquired with a smile. “Trust me, it can happen”, he had replied, “it happened once with my mom. We only found her after the Quali, lost in Daniil’s side of the box”. But she loved it, nonetheless, the warm squeeze of his hand letting her a bit a little more at ease. A little more, but not completely.

+++

Eleonor started feeling very uncomfortable halfway through the first Free Practice. She was watching the TV along with the crew in the back of the garage, excitedly keeping track of the lap times and occasionally listening to the chat on the radio through her own pair of headsets when she felt a sudden, sharp pain in her abdomen. Round Ligament Pain, her doctor had explained once, was completely normal, but still, it sucks.

She managed to watch FP1 sitting in a corner next to Blake, trying not to look so exhausted when she actually was enjoying being there and trying to pay attention to the laps. Near the end of the hour, however, the discomfort grew to a very stupid nuisance, making her bit out a groan, automatically rubbing her hand over the region as if it could help. She was still a bit bothered by it during the break when Daniel looked over at her over his visor once he was out of the cockpit. She quickly tried to replace her pained expression with a smile and thumbs up.

The best alternative was to tell Blake she needed some air and go to the motorhome to lie a bit. And she didn’t even remember drifting off to sleep, but it must have happened at some point because the next thing she knew there was a warm hand caressing her arm, shaking slowly. She opened her eyes, drowsy, to find Daniel smiling at her.

“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty”. He enunciated with a low voice, crouching by her side in the tiny bed of the motorhome. “Welcome to 10 years into the future”.

Her sleepy brain took a long to get the joke. She let out a deep yawn, frowning at her husband.

“Oh, no... I slept through the whole practice?”

Daniel scrunched his nose in an apologetic expression. He had already changed into his regular clothes again, and he smelled like soap ether which meant he had already showered and everything.

“Yep. It’s long over, actually. I'm only waking you up because the paddock is pretty much desert now, so…” 

It was embarrassing, to come back to the hotel, take a shower, and lay down to drink a chocolate smoothie, and still felt she had a busy, tiring day. Ridiculous. Later, Daniel grabbed his phone and announced he’d send a message to Pierre to tell him they wouldn’t be able to attend his fancy and all mysterious dinner.

“Oh, no!” She protested, quick and firm. “ I won’t go, you will.”

“What? I won’t leave you here alone”. He stated as if it was a matter of fact, scrolling through his message app.

“Come on”. She nudged his tight slightly with her foot. “I’ll sleep early and do nothing. You have fun.”

It lasted for almost half an hour, this back and forth about Daniel going or not going – which he insisted it was actually about the true meaning of partnership and honesty since he’d have to lie to everyone about why she didn’t go. She answered saying he only had separation anxiety. The only thing that made him go was the promise of new gossip around that’ll leave him jaw-dropped.

It took a long, but he left at noon promising to bring back a desert for her.

+++

Max Verstappen was dating Kelly Piquet.

That was so obvious, despite their miserable, but cute, attempt to hide it the whole meal. They were a small group, in an all-exclusive restaurant at the top of the hill. Just them three, a pompous Pierre as the host, an happy-as-always Alex, a slightly already tipsy Charles with his girlfriend, and the food-enthusiast Carlos with his girlfriend as well. Daniel smiled, and greeted them, fighting a laugh. at the new couple. How could Els hide it from him?

On the first opportunity, when the conversation drifted apart from him, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and typed under the table.

   DANIEL: ur a traitor 

The response came less than a minute later.

   ELEONOR: already missing me? ;)

   ELEONOR: (but srsly, you left less than an hour ago. Get it together, mate)

   DANIEL: you knew???

   DANIEL: this is insane

She took longer to answer, as if thinking it through. Daniel could picture her little liar face in his head.

   ELEONOR: my pregnant brain forgot to mention *crying face*

   DANIEL: don’t blame it on the baby!

  ELEONOR: i’m sorry. I was being a good friend. I’m surprised Max hasn’t told you. Go scream at him

   DANIEL: i can’t. they’re being cute and all mellow.

   DANIEL: They are so sweet it’s giving me diabetes.

   DANIEL: but I’ll catch him outside later

ELEONOR: lmaoo *cat laughing emoji*

ELEONOR: who would’ve thought huh

DANIEL: not me

DANIEL: you ok?

ELEONOR: yep, all good. have fun xx (and leave the love birds alone)

DANIEL: k

DANIEL: btw I told everyone you had food poisoning. So try to look a little sick tomorrow right?

ELEONOR: what?!?!

DANIEL: you know I get nervous lying. It was the best I could think of with everybody looking at me.

ELEONOR: —_—

It was fun, though. The good old Red Bull crew (plus Charles) and their inside jokes and crazy remarks about each other. Daniel was soon included by Pierre and Alex in the “loners men club”.

“No, thanks. This looks a bit sad.” He took a sip of his beer “Maybe you should change the name of the group”.

“Yes, makes you look like a bunch of losers.” Charles added.

“We’re not losers. We…” Perrie tried to rebuke, defensively, but he was still a little too drunk to think of a good answer. “Ah come on, Alex, help me here”

“We are a bit of losers, actually.”

“Cheers!” Max raised his glass with a grin.

Everything was light and funny and like they were teenagers, so much the time passed quickly. He was laughing at something Carlos had said when his phone rang. His first thought was that he had lost track of time and she was worried about him, but he furrowed to see an unknown number.

“Hello?”  He answered, covering the other ear so he could hear the call above the loud chat

“Good Night, is it Mr. Ricciardo?” it was an unknown female voice.

“Hm? Yes. Yes, it's me.”

He was still smiling at Carlos’ story, eyeing sideways to see if he kept going. It took him a bit to realize the woman on the line had said something, but he hadn't heard it.

“Sorry? I didn't catch it, it's too loud in here.”

“Eleonor Ricciardo,” she spoke louder, her tone was serious, “is your wife, right?”

He froze. Something was off there.

“Yes, she is.” Daniel promptly was on his feet, getting away from the table to hear more properly, getting him a few curious looks from the table. He stopped by the entry lobby of the restaurant, where it was much calmer. “Who is talking?”

“I'm from the Saint-Anne Hospital of Toulon and I'm calling on the behalf of your wife, she just arrived here and is in need of an escort”.  She spoke in English but with a thick French accent, and yet the words didn't make sense to Daniel. She was in the hotel, he had messaged her not long ago.

“What? I'm sorry, I don't get it” he tried, sounding more aggressive than it was reasonable. “What happened? Why is she there?”

“I'm sorry, I'm not a doctor on her case and–”

“What do you mean you're not a doctor and are calling from the hospital? What the hell?”

“Sir,” her voice was strained, “I'm only the messenger. I reckon Ms. Ricciardo is 12 weeks pregnant, right?”

His heart for sure skipped a beat.

“She called an ambulance from Les Castellet with a complaint about bleeding and-”

Daniel didn't get much after it. He may or may have not accidentally ended the call and bumped into two or three people on his way back to the table. All his mind focused on was to get his keys and run to there. And God, let her be okay.

Let her be okay. Let her be okay. Let her be okay. Ler her b-

“Mate, are you all right?” someone asked him as he retrieved his stuff from his seat.

Daniel blinked. Damned be him, he knew Els all too well to not eat up her “I’m fine” excuses. And what kind of husband was he, letting his pregnant wife all alone in a hotel in a foreign city and-

“Els is in the hospital”.

That caused a commotion of worried commentary and wide-eyed looks but he was already tuning back and heading outside. Let her be okay. And where has he parked his car again? Jesus, let her be okay. And why the fucking hell were his keys suddenly all crumpled and not fitting into the damn-

“Here.” Out of nowhere, Max was by his side. Serious and taking the keys out of his hand, opening the car with no difficulty. “Let me drive, okay.”

And before Daniel could even say anything, there was Kelly taping his shoulder and kindly directing him to the passenger seat.

“We’ll go with you.”

The ride to the hospital lasted forever. And when they arrived there, Daniel sprinted out of the car and ran to the reception having no idea on how to deal with all of that. He knew he had to compose himself and act mature  at least until he got all the information. But still, he couldn't help his sweating hands and the constant threat of his heart jumping out of his mouth.

“Eleonor Ricciardo”. He said to the waiting lady sitting there.

“Hm... are you a... visitor?” She tried to sound reassuring, though a little confused. The French accent made everything even harder to piece together.

“No. No. I mean, yes. That's my wife, you called me saying she was here. In an emergency.”

“Okay…” a reassuring smile that reassured nothing, “I'll check.”

The checking lasted forever as well. It seemed like a thousand hours passed between the lady looking at the screen until she told him:

“She's on the second floor. Room 23. You go to the main corridor and then turn le–”

But he was already gone. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator line, and searching frenetically through the door's numbers.

“Over there!” Kelly pointed to a side corridor. He didn't even remember her here. And so was Max.

The room was with its door opened but windows closed. They could hear the movement from the outside. Daniel took one deep breath and got into the room.

The first thing he noticed was the scary number of doctors and nurses in there, six, maybe seven or eight. (Let her be okay) It paralyzed him, and he hated that, the way he stood by the door frozen, looking as the workers moved from one side to the other. Until one of them noticed him.

“Mr. Ricciardo?” her voice was numb behind the mask and the glasses.

He swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Yes.”

“Come in, she's been calling for you”, the lady gestured for him inside. Lights bright and machines beeping.

She led her to the side of the bed and maneuvered the arrangements so Daniel replaced a nurse holding Eleonor's hand. Oh, Eleonor she was... curled to her side, eyes closed, crying and crying and crying. One hand over her belly, and the other reaching for the void. Daniel promptly held in between his.

“Hey, hey, honey…” he spoke softly, crouching by her side.

She opened her eyes, swollen and red, full of pain.

“Oh, Dan.” She sobbed. Tight gripping on his hand so much it hurt. “The baby... our baby…”

Speaking was clearly an effort, her voice hoarse and her voice drowned by tears. All his despair turned into reassurance easily upon seeing her like that, so vulnerable and weak and–

“It's okay, it's okay. Don't worry.” He stated as a matter of fact as if he could actually protect her from that, his free hand going up to caress her shoulder mindlessly. “I'm here, it's fine. You're gonna be okay, all right? Don't worry.”

It was a night of worries and muffled cries, ultrasound machines and blood tests. And Daniel could not do much more than hold her hand and promise her everything would be okay.

+ + +

The pain had, somehow, reduced to a light nuisance. If Eleonor stayed in that exact position – laid on her side, a huge pillow tucked under her belly, her hand protectively resting over it, with Daniel’s hand running through her hair and shoving all worrying thoughts aside – then maybe she could shut everything off and have a few minutes of sleep.

The last hours seemed to last a life, draining all of her forces, mentally and physically. She wasn’t ready to wrap her mind around it yet.

“Honey…” Daniel whispered cautiously. His presence was a solid thread to her sanity.

“Hm.” The room was too light for her sore, closed eyes taste.

“Have some water, hey?”

She let out a breath, not wanting to move. 

“I’ll turn off the lights, okay?”

That he did, coming back and sitting beside her on the bed. Eleonor opened her eyes slowly, taking in the room. It was not full of healthcare professions, beep machines, and all the chaos from not so long before. Daniel added a straw to a large cup of cold water and handed it to her.

“Thank you.” She murmured with a tired smile, before drinking it moving the least possible.

Daniel smiled sweetly at her, his hand brushing the small of her back, mindlessly. One small action that meant so much. He had that look in his eyes, silent and thoughtful, illuminated by the dim light coming from the outside through the windows...

“Go ahead.” She prompted in a whisper.

“What?” He blinked.

“What are you thinking of.” She elaborated handing him the half–empty cup back. “I can see the engines running in your mind”.

“I’m just glad you’re okay”. He gave her a sweet smile, full of tiredness and yet so much reassurance.

Her heart melted in fondness. Not only for his company but for the whole support in the  last hours. Even Max and Kelly were there. Eleonor was able to tell them to go to the hotel and get some sleep for tomorrow, but of course, Daniel wouldn’t leave her side.

“I got really scared, you know.” barely a whisper, almost as if he was afraid of saying it aloud.

“Oh, honey”

“But it’s all good now”.

He took her hand and kissed her palm. She hoped to not let her worry trespass too much but, in the end, of course, she couldn't. Because it was him. Because she could never hide anything from him. And, Daniel being Daniel, of course, he read her mind.

“And it’s all good with our little guy too.”

She cocked her head to the side, a sad smile.

“It is. Perfectly fine. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that….” Holding her hand over his jaw

The ultrasound they did earlier showed she had 40% of ovular detachment. Not so unlikely in the first trimester, but it was unlikely to have strong symptoms. Usually, it showed in cramps and bleeding, and she had had a hemorrhage, there the strong pain.

The doctor had patiently explained that there were no proven causes for it, and, no, their passionate sex on the last night didn’t have anything with it. “But are the risks for the baby?”, Eleonor had blurted out with tears in her eyes. Yes, she had explained, and they should be careful to avoid premature birth and, though small chance, abortion. Daniel tensed by her side, and promptly asked what they should do, almost begging for a solution. Fully rest and a few doses of progesterone for strengthening for a while. Everything should go back to normal in three months at max.

“I promise.” He responded

“Daniel…”

“I”, one kiss on the back of her hand, “Promise.” Another kiss on the inside of her pulse. Not up for debate. “Let’s do exactly as the doctor said, alright? Go back home and take care. In fact, it reminds me…”

He jumped out of bed, and walked to the couch near the window, picking up his cell phone.

“We should sort out the logistics”.

“what?”

“Time to call the reinforces”.

“Ah…” she was suddenly alert .“That's not necessary”. 

But, when it came to family, Daniel was inflexible. He came by her side, his warm hand massaging the small of her back again, as he made the call. It was almost 9 a.m. in Perth. 

“Do this for me, okay? Please. Let us take care of you”

That sentence alone made her all tearful again. it made her think of a time when she didn’t have a family to count on, or someone to call to tell her she was in a hospital, or no one who was worth it to come back to. A time she didn’t have Daniel. So maybe it was the fact she was weak and emotionally worn out, but she relaxed and let him call his mom.

By Saturday night she was transferred to a proper room and allowed to receive visits. It was as scary and uncomfortable as any other hospital room, but at least it had windows with a beautiful view of the mountains and relatively good room service. Kelly stayed with her to help her convince Daniel to go back to the race weekend.

“I’m sorry,” Eleonor said to her when they were watching the race on the mini TV and eating jelly. “I know how this weekend was supposed to be special for you…”

“No, it’s all fine,” her friend shrugged and smiled. “You know, it was actually better to stay out of radars a bit more”.

“But you’re not backing up?” Eleonor squinted at her, suspicious.

“ No, ma’am ” Kelly rolled her eyes, but she also brought her knees up on the armchair, defensively. And said, with a dreaming look: “He’s… very nice. Very”.

“Oh my God!” Eleonor threw a soft pillow at her.

It was a good morning. Daniel finished P7, she was feeling better – and the food was really tasty.

Daniel, in spite of everything, seemed to be enjoying himself. Especially with the little treats she received, especially a box of chocolates sent by the internet from Michelle.

Max also came by in the evening, when the race day was fully over, with a lot in his arms, walking comically slow into the room, trying to balance everything from falling to the ground.

“Geez, I had no idea you were this popular around the Paddock. I have so many errands I can’t keep track. Here, uh, this is from Michael”. He came to the side of the bed and handed her a giant, brown teddy bear. “This one… hang on, this is from Aurelie. And this, Seb”. Followed by two ‘ get well soon cards ’ signed and with attentive handwriting. She’d definitely read them later. “And this is from me”, he drafted a proud smile while handing her a bouquet of orange tulips. “And this ugly card from nosy Hannah who wanted to take a ride in my flowers”.

Eleonor lips involuntarily curved into a sweet, silent smile in his direction, too emotional to say anything.

“Okay, mate, if you’re trying to woo my wife at least wait until I’m outside.” Daniel punched, enjoying his time with the chocolate box, sat on the couch with his feet propped up on a stool.

“Thank you, Max”. She managed after wiping some tears, holding all the presents dear by her side. “This is really sweet. And don’t mind Daniel, the hospital food leaves him grumpy”.

Max stayed as much as he could, asking attentive questions about her well—being but not being too meddlesome, clearly a line drawn between him and Daniel. He mopped a bit about Lewis had winning the race, again, and elaborated on all the Red Bull team sending her the best well wishes — including Hannah trying to get everybody to sign a collective card, but Max ran away before she outshone his gift. Eleonor bit out a laugh before grabbing her phone to video—chat Hannah (which led to a grinning old friend saying hi and a grumpy Max trying to hide being a sore loser). But, when the two ladies said goodbye, Max had a sneaky smile on his face – and he managed to carry the conversation pretending it wasn’t there.

“Gosh, I can’t believe you two are having a baby…” he marveled at some point. “And you didn’t tell me.”

“I can’t believe you’re dating my wife’s best friend and you didn’t tell me”. Daniel shot back with fake resentment.

And Max was already checking his empty wrist and propping up.

“Look at this, it’s late. I better get going”.

“Wait, wait” Daniel started protesting, ready to press the matter, but not as fast as his friend.

“Goodbye, mates!” Max almost sprinted out of the room.

“Hm.” Daniel turned to Eleonor profoundly confused. “How did I miss this?”

Eleonor smiled at how clueless he could be. She wanted to reach and give him him a long, fond kiss on the cheek, seeing that lost face of him as he tried to piece everything together. So she did – raising her hand and wiggling her index finger, motioning for him to come closer.

He did so, an expectant look for gossip. She placed her hands on both sides of his confused face and glued her lips to his cheek.

“You’re adorable”.

He pressed his lips in a thin line, that adorable, lovely apprehensive look. 

“You’re distracting me, aren’t you?”

“So this you figure, uh?” She raised his eyebrows.

“Oh shut up.” He rolled his eyes but leaned into her touch. As if everything was slowly coming back to normal.

Grace arrived on Monday, as an angel on earth. After meeting her, and especially after marrying Daniel, Eleonor could never relate to people who hated their mothers-in-law, because the quite opposite happened to her. Grace always knew the right thing to say, and how to make Eleonor feel welcome since day one with the family. She so easily distributed hugs, and comfort, and life-changing advice. Just the fact that she flew all the way from Australia to there, just to keep Eleonor’s company said a lot.

With her around, Daniel made himself comfortable, eyelids heavy as if he could drift off to sleep at any second. He sat on the armchair by the side of the bed, laying his upper body over it, reaching one hand to caress her forehead, sweet and soothing.

“I feel kinda bad for it.” Eleonor confessed to Grace, who stood on the other side of the bed with a tender expression. “Making you come in such a rush”.

“Don’t think about it. Daniel is right, you must rest as much as possible”. She gave her a sweet, motherly smile that made her embarrassingly tear up. “And I don’t mind, honestly, some surprising vocations are always welcome, right?”

She turned to Blake, who laughed as well.

“Damn sure. A few weeks in Monaco are a blessing, huh?”

“Oh, yes”. She giggled. “And with Joe obsessed with that restaurant idea, he’s driving me crazy. You're doing me a favor. How long has it been since I visited?”

“Oh, don't embarrass me like that”. Eleonor closed her eyes. “I think you don't know our new apartment, isn’t that right Dan?”

He didn't answer, although he was looking at her, a bit dazzled, brushing his fingers over her forehead in a soothing rhythm.

“Dan?”

A distracted expression on his face, a mix of relief and starstruck. He was in his own head as if nobody else was in the room. The silence stretched way too long for anybody to pretend not to notice, and Eleonor felt her cheeks warm as the blood rushed up to them.

Blake cleared his throat out loud.  Eleonor looked to see him and Grace staring at them funny.

“I'm going back to the hotel,” He said with a smug smile. “Get ready for the trip, alright?”

“Oh, I'll go with you. Rest my feet a bit”. Grace smiled at her, then came closer to where Daniel was sitting. “Unless you want me to stay here so you can go set something up, son?”

“Hm?” He raised his head for the first time, a bit off, looking as his mother came closer to him.

She stated at him smugly.

“Do you want me to stay here so you can go to the hotel?”

“Ah. No, no”. His hand brushed from Eleonor's forehead to her hair, his fingers brushing in a way that she loved. He didn't even seem to realize to do it when he turned to Grace. “Thanks, Mom. You can go rest, don't worry.”

She knew her son well enough to recognize when there was no debate.

“Okay. Take care, uh” she leaned to kiss the top of his head. Daniel gave her a tight embrace. And then she came to give Eleonor a kind hug. “Get some rest, you too”.

“Thanks, sogrinha. You're an angel.”

“Oh, sweetheart. This is what family is for”.

And just like that she was tearing up again. She managed to undercover it a bit, at least, until Michael and Grace left and it was just her and Daniel again. Just husband and wife in a muted hospital room. She looked up at the ceiling instead of looking at him, because it would make her cry all the way down.

“Why are you crying?” Daniel asked softly, coming closer again, hand over her hair.

“I'm not.” She lied.

He smiled, scrunching his nose.

“My eyes are deceiving me”.

“I'm pregnant, it's the hormones”.

She used the back of her hand to wipe some tears and pull herself together before turning to look at him. Daniel was already staring back, with attentive eyes and a soft look.

“You know,”. he said calmly, “When I phoned my mom and told her what happened, she told me she was coming asap. I didn't even have to ask her”.

For some reason, that made her cry all over again. A reason she didn't want to think about or she might really collapse.

“Oh, no, no…”  he laughed, standing up to sit on the side of the bed. “Don’t cry over it. It’s nice.”

“I'm sorry”. She hid her face between her hands.

“Nothing to be sorry for”.

He gently took her hands out of her face, placing his palm to cup her jaw, his thumb brushing away the tears. He looked down at her with so much love it was overwhelming, so she said:

“Please don't say anything sweet or I'll cry more”. She blurted out.

That managed to get a laugh out of him.

“Alrighty. I won't.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek.

She threw her arms around his neck, holding him close.

“Eu te amo”.

“Love you more”.

Chapter Text

Daniel didn’t get much sleep. The next morning, he bounced around uneasy throughout the whole waking up and getting breakfast routine. Everything was so off as if a part of him was missing. So, when Max casually said he and Nate should come along with him to Kelly’s he tried not to look too much relieved. Not that he wouldn’t go without the invite, anyway.

Getting there, he stayed behind like a shadow while everyone switched polite good mornings. Not purposely, though. It was just all the embarrassment of the whole situation. As if he needed help to have a conversation with his own wife, damn it. He couldn’t bring himself to comprehend how they had reached this point.

He gave a thankful smile to Kelly and high-fived a happy, energetic Penelope. Then, he looked over the living room couch, where Nate was jumping to get a hug from his mother. She looked better, a bit more relaxed, though as quiet as the last days. Even so, it eased something in him seeing her so fond of their kid, smiling and tickling him as if everything was perfectly normal.

He stood there, awkwardly and helplessly staring, until the moment Max announced:

“Well, who wants to go to the playground?”

Penelope was the first one to jump on the idea, running to invite Nate along. She didn’t know much of proper sign language, but she and Nate had their own childish way of communicating that, somehow, worked perfectly. Soon, the four of them were heading out, enthusiastically. And, when the front door clicked shut, Daniel and Eleonor were alone. Her eyes were now locked on him, beautiful dark eyes he had dreamed about for so long, staring now at him with so many emotions it was unnerving, but he could recognize each of them. He felt it too.

Daniel had so much to say he didn’t know where to start. So, he was surprised, to say the least, when Els was the one to talk first:

“I’m sorry”, her lip trembled as she dropped her gaze to look at her own hands on her lap, as she sat with her legs crossed on the couch.

Daniel blinked. He couldn’t help but take a few steps closer, to stand closer to her as if drawn by an invisible force, this heartwrenching need rooted in his core.

“What? What are you sorry for?” He blurted out, genuinely shocked and confused. “I’m the wrong one here”.

“No, Daniel, I-”

“No, no, no. I was an idiot”, he pleaded. And then, embarrassingly low, he added: “I shouldn’t have suggested that”.

Now, standing next to the couch, hands in his pockets, he could take a proper look at her and take in. See her shoulders slouched down, the redness around her eyes, as if she hadn’t had proper sleep. As if she cried. As if she was about to cry again.

“I'm hurting our marriage…” she confessed, devastated as her voice crooked. She brought a hand up to wipe a single tear out of her cheek,

“What?” Daniel was mortified. “No”.

He sat on his side on the arm of the couch, facing her. Felt the need to deny it, but no other argument came to his mind, except for:

“No. No, of course not”, he said, horrified. “Where'd you get that from?”

But Eleonor was lost in her own overwhelming thoughts. He could see it by the way she still refused to look at him, her fingers fidgeting insecurely, and by how her voice was weak and broken when she spoke.

“I shouldn't have left home. I shouldn't have gone to bed without apologizing. Without fixing it with you. We have promised-”, she stopped mid-thought, taking a deep breath between falling tears. “We promised to never go to bed angry. And I did that. I ran away…”

She sniffed, one hand in her face as she attempted to clean away the tears.

“I'm hurting our marriage”.
For a moment, he simply had no idea what to say. Her words took a long time to sink into his chest, piercing like a harsh of arrows right in the target.

Daniel considered himself a well-lived person. Not wise, properly, but chill, at least. Someone who knew how to deal with difficult situations at ease. He had endured some very crucial moments in his life and overcame a lot of stumbles along the way. But he had never felt so much lost as right now.

There was only one thing he was sure of at that moment, and it was that Eleonor shouldn’t be crying that way. So he pushed all his feelings aside and slid to sit properly on the couch, one leg bent over the padding, facing her.

“Els”, he called softly. No response and she drowned in sadness. “Honey…”

When she didn’t respond, he carefully reached for her wrist, pushing her hand away from her face, bringing her to reluctantly look at him. Eyes full of tears, low lip trembling. Daniel remembered what Dr. Laura had said to them, about how this was different from anything they had faced before. So he chose his words carefully.

“I don’t blame you”.

Her eyes brightened wet.

“I know you don’t…” she confessed. “I just… I feel so, so… wrecked. And this seems all so wrong”.

“I know… I know. It’s okay”. He ran his thumb over her wrist, trying to soothe her.

“It’s not okay”. She let out, a little bit stronger, an angry confession. “Nothing about this is okay. I’m sorry, Dan”.

She brought her free hand to wipe some more tears that rolled no almost absently. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.

“You don’t have to apologize. You can be sad, you know”, he conceded, eyes soft.

“But it seems to last forever…” she half-whispered, sounding so scared, looking down at her hands. “Like I’ll always be like this”.

He nodded, his chest heavy as he tried not to succumb to his emotions as well. He tried to focus on the fact that she was actually having a conversation with him, verbalizing thoughts he knew she had been torturing herself with the last months.

“I know…”

She turned to stare at him, eyes softening with sweet surprise.

“You do?”

“Of course, I do”, he almost laughed. Then he breathed hard, trying to address the elephant in the room. “We’ve lost a baby”.

She instantly stayed on the edge, breath trembling and eyes dark with devastation.

“That’s not the kind of thing you ever get over. I guess…” he offered. He didn’t know much, but he knew this.

She was silent for a long while. It happened whenever he talked so bluntly about it. He felt guilty, at first, because he knew her instant response was to shut down. However, this time at least, she didn’t push him away at least. Daniel waited, as she fidgeted his hand with her own – handling his fingers tenderly, squeezing it lightly, tracing the number 3 on his pinky.

“Can we…” she said after a while, seeming to have recomposed enough, “not talk about it?”

No, he thought. Let’s talk about it, he wanted to beg. But then she said:

“Please”.

And that was it.

“Okay. Okay…” he conceded.

Though his facade must have shattered a bit, because her gaze softened and she moved to sit a bit closer to him, in a manner her knees touched his leg.

“Thank you”, she murmured with an apologetic face.

He only nodded. There was so much else to say, but he was taking it for now.

“You come back home, so?” He tried.

She squeezed his hand, a small smile on her lips.

“Yeah”.

Okay. They would be okay.

“So you’re not wanting to chop my head off anymore?” he scrunched his nose as if he wanted to make that suggestion himself. Trying to ease the mood a little.

“Just a bit”.

“On a scale from 1 to 10?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Three”, she answered right away. Elbow rested over the back of the couch, head laying on her hand.

Daniel closed his free hand in a fist and murmured a celebratory “yesss”.

“I’ll take it”. He shook his head with a sly smile, “A win is a win”.

She smiled at him.

+++

Tuesday morning Blake came by in a hurry, with his jogging set and a paddle racket bag.

“So?” Daniel said as a greeting upon opening the front door to him. It was a sunny day, proper for cycling and swimming and taking ice cream. But...

“I’m really really thrilled to do this meeting on a free beautiful day on which I already had plans”, Blake deadpanned, not abandoning his sports accessories even when heading to the office.

“C’mon, mate. It’s just a wrap-up…”

They went to Eleonor’s office anyway, in spite of all the informality of that. The room had an enormous window with a view to the Lavortto Beach, which let the sunshine enter and touch the bookshelf filled up with classics.

There was no actual reason to close the door, considering the only person in the house at that moment and their cooker, Noemi. But Daniel did it anyway, maybe out of pure nervous tick.

“Is it bad?” He stood with his hands on his hips, his foot tapping on the wooden floor. “I feel like it’s bad…”

“It’s…” Blake took a deep breath. It made him look so professional and worried and it made Daniel worry. “It’s complicated but, to be honest, as far as I went down, it’s all completely unfounded.”

Would it be embarrassed to admit that simple phrase took a thousand tons out of his back? Daniel audibly exhaled with relief, pinching his nose between his fingers as he took it in.

“It’s most internet rumors, you know how it’s like”, Blake kept going, “I traced it back to a Reddit argument, so nothing to worry about. All clean. And you know you have a massive fanbase, so it probably won’t spread out too much”.

Right, right… He nodded along. Completely unfounded. That was good.

“But…”

“Oh, fuck”, he let out.

Blake made a hesitant face, holding back a bit.

“All right. Rip the band-aid”.
“I talked to Natalie. And… well, she said it’s not unknown to a few reporters so…”

Daniel breathed in deeply.

“I better get ready to be asked about it on the press”
“Yes”, his friend nodded apologetically, “you do”.
“Do you think maybe I should make, I don’t know, a declaration refuting the rumors? Before it gets too big?”

It was starting to get on his nerves, the whole thing. It shouldn’t. Daniel had survived a handful of silly seasons, some of them when he was the one to make audacious and unpredictable moves. It used to be funny even, seeing the prying mics of the media trying to tear some secret out of them, some dirty and shocking news. Whenever something blew up, all the drivers already knew it beforehand, so they just enjoyed the reactions as silly watchers. But this one, for some reason, was getting him in all the wrong ways.

“Listen, I know you won’t like this, but I think we should stay out of the radar for now”, Blake stated after considering for a bit, trying to sound reassuring. “Maybe it’s nothing. You know how these things are. Just… enjoy your free week. All right? And talk to Aurelie on Thursday”.

Daniel wasn’t happy. But what could he do? Let Blake enjoy his paddle morning at least before this McLaren thing consumed them both. He would be leaving for Le Castellet early in the morning and should try at least get a good night of sleep (in that horrible guest room bed, by the way) before another tense race weekend.

Blake just tried to calm him down a bit before heading out for his day.

“You should come to the FIFA at Scotty’s later”, he pointed out, cheerily.

“Uh, I don’t know. Els will be at work.”

“So? Take Nate. But think of something for him to do, I don’t know how much longer we’ll be able to keep him oblivious to the turned-off control…”

Speaking of which, just when they were at the door, Eleonor arrived with the little one from the swimming class. Nate was sleeping in her arms, hair still a bit damp.

“Oh. Hello”. She greeted them both with a surprise look.
“Sorry, sorry, can’t stay”, Blake was already passing by her and heading outside in a hurry, "Stella says hi, by the way! See you!"

Once he was gone, Daniel stepped to close the door with a frown.

"Who is Stella?"

"Uh…" Els struggled a bit to take her show off, throwing them to the side, "Blake's girlfriend. Or something. I don't know if it's serious."

Damn it. Why could Daniel never keep up with this stuff?

"You two are planning something?" She asked, nonchalantly, though he could clearly identify the curiosity in her tone.

“Uh, no, just chatting. Just some stuff from work.”

“Stuff from work?” She murmured, a bit thoughtful.

“Yeah.”

She eyes him attentively, letting him even more vulnerable and at evidence, opened her mouth, shut it tried again.

“Is everything all right?”

No. Everyone thinks I suck.

“Yes. Yes, totally”, he shrugged

"Totally?" She made a funny expression, with her eyes narrowed and her lower lip slightly pouted, observing every centimeter of his face. Daniel wanted to take a step back. "Daniel, if there's something going on..."

"No, no. Relax. There's absolutely nothing going on. At work". He tried his best to sound cool and normal but, by the way, her expression fell a bit, it wasn’t a good job. "Just... it's nothing."

Eleonor nodded once. Daniel remained stoic. And from the kitchen, Noemi screamed:

"The lasagna is ready!" Ir her excited Italian accent. "Come while it's still hot".

"I'll take him to bed", Els indicated to the sleeping Nate in her arms.

"Okay," he murmured, not he's not sure if she heard or not.

Dammit, he needed some air.

Daniel headed outside to the veranda. Right, the day was shining bright. The sun itched his skin but it made him feel something. By the side of his eye, he noticed something odd in the ground. It was a plant vase, an ordinary plant one, that seemed to be made of pottery or weathered (he had 0 knowledge of planting whatsoever), but the funny thing about it was that it had no plants. Not even a single flower. The mud was dark and humid but it had no sign of life besides tiny slim branches that must have fallen from the passing birds.

Daniel looked at the plant vase. What was so special about it? He couldn’t recall the moment it appeared on their veranda but he was sure it wasn’t there the last time he checked. When was the last time he went to Varanda again? Oh. Forget it.

He supposed he could ask Eleonor about it. But that gave him a bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach: since when were they so out of sync about their house disposition? That was probably just the tip of the iceberg, considering their respective careers, the education of their son, and, of course, their marriage in a fucking stupid crisis.

+++

The French GP was a disaster.

Daniel was hopeful until Saturday, when he had an actual good time — making the people beautifully sing Pieeeerre Gaslyyyy in the Fan Zone, tasting some good ass pancakes with Lando recording a cooking video for McLaren's YouTube, and having the crowd cheering at him naming the French foods he loved.

But of course, race weekends weren't made of pancakes and fun times.

On Sunday, when heading to the garage at the star of the day, Andrea had patted him and Lando on the back and said:

"Let's go try to score some points, fellas".

That almost made Daniel trip on his own feet. Score some points? When he was in his gear, waiting to get in the car, there was a weight in his back and a whirlwind in his mind. He got in the MCL36 in a swirl of distant memories of number 1 signs and champagne that tasted like a foot.

Score some points… what the hell. That probably must have distracted him during the laps. That sounded absurd. However, as much as he tried to push the throttle, late brake, and go for gaps, he could barely manage to stay in the scoring range.

"Well done, mate", Michael greeted him after.

Daniel could only manage a distracted nod before heading inside. He was wet with sweat, his back aching like shit, his race suit slung and falling around his hips while his knee cracked a bit. He watched, in some random TV behind the old tires and tech stuff, Max up in first place, having won with 10 seconds of advantage to the Mercedes. 10 seconds.

Daniel got 2 points.

That echoed in his mind all the way during the debrief, the packing, the travel back home, and even while watching Paw Patrol with Nate.

"Look, Daddy! Super Puppy!" He signed excitedly, sprawled over Daniel's legs on the dinosaur-themed mat.

"That's so cool, buddy…"

2 points.

Scored some points. When did that happen? He couldn't help but remember all the things he had seen and heard that made him call Blake last week. These thoughts made even the colorful super puppies seem too distressed too loud and too-

"Hey, buddy", he signed after tapping Nate on the shoulder, catching the toddler's attention, "wanna go pick Mamãe up?"

His honey eyes shone with excitement, accompanied by a thrilled smile. One second he was already jumping on his feet and Daniel was laughing at his eagerness.

"Yes. I miss her too."

They didn't need much besides putting on t-shirts, grabbing the car keys, and a bottle of orange juice. Nate jumped each step down the stairs and Daniel had to pick him up on the last one before he could land with his face on the ground. He only laughed. It almost made Daniel miss the times he was a sleepy baby who only smiled and pooped all day.

"We're going to Menton", he announced to Melissa, who was making her nails in the living room.

"Oh, that's nice. Eleonor will be very shocked", she smiled at them.

From Daniel's arms, Nate signed something in Portuguese for her, who replied something that Daniel didn't catch in his hurry.

They arrived right on time, the university buzzing with the movement. Daniel knew it by heart (which was odd in the beginning, considering his history with academic ambients, but it grew on him eventually). He parked on the designated and now empty Professor spot and, since it was Monday, headed to the Greek History department. And, maybe it was the universe being kind to him, they met Els up just as she was exiting her private office.

"Oh my God…" she gasped, a genuinely surprised smile gracing her lips, "What are you doing here? Oh my God!"

Nate got there first, and Eleonor crouched down to clutch him tight and give him a bunch of kisses on the face. She was wearing her casual end-of-the-day look, a loosened ponytail, the blazer in hand because of the spring day's heat, and a bunch of papers poping out of her purse.

“Oh, hi”, her smile softened a bit when Daniel also stopped by her side, eyeing him with a bit of wavering, “Hi, what are you doing here?”

And in a blink of an eye, he was hugging her. His arms were around her waist and his nose was buried deep in the crook of her neck. He felt the jumping toddler pulling his leg for a bit, but Daniel just needed… Oh, fuck.

“I thought you’d only arrive tomorrow”, her hand rubbed his back mindlessly when they broke apart.

“Yeah. I…” was freaking out, “just wanted to make a surprise”.

She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could Nate was pulling her by the hand and asking to go spin in her office’s chair. Els made a “you know I have to” face to him and Daniel exhaled a relaxed breath. He was sure she’d let it aside and they would have a completely normal time.

That lasted approximately 25 minutes, meaning until the ride back to Monaco when she asked for him to pass on the McDonald’s drive-thru and were deciding on their orders.

“So, one Happy Meal with grape juice, nuggets, and apple slices. And two combos of…”
“Actually”, Daniel interrupted the attendant’s recap, “Just one combo”.

That rendered him an inquisitive arched eyebrow from his wife.

“Just not in the mood for burgers…” he said and ran a bit to the payment cabin before she could say anything.

Two minutes later, he actually wished for her to say something because for some reason she entered into a terrible quiet and frowned mood for the rest of the evening. And, you can’t blame him, Daniel may or may have not gone to hide himself in his own bad humor in the gym upon returning home.

It was only late at night, that he showered and went to bed (in the awful guest room he was starting to hate more and more every day) that he saw Eleonor again. She was already in her pajamas, half under the sheets, and concentrated on a Penguin edition of Ulysses. Only the yellow soft light of the bedside lampshade was on, and the penthouse was as silent as the sleeping city outside.

She side-eyed Daniel silently as he dropped himself on the mattress and checked his phone for a bit. There was a message from Max calling him to a FIFA night pre-Budapest on Wednesday, one from Michael with his meal schedule for the next week, and one from Aurelie with the media containment plan for the rumors approach, as she promised. Daniel clicked on the document and tried to make sense of the words, but all he could think of was that cursed 2 points.

“You didn’t say anything about Nate’s cochlear”.

He gave a little jump in fright. Eleonor was still focused on the book.

“Uh”, he eyed his phone screen one more time before blocking it, “It’s still July, we have time”.

Suddenly, he felt the tiredness growing and him and let out a yawn.

“I don’t think he’ll adapt until September…” she murmured.

“Well, if that mindset he certainly won’t”.

Els closed her book and put it on the bedside table. Daniel fluffed his pillow and a minute passed before she’d speak again.

“I met Dr. Ryan on Saturday”, she said, as if it was to mean something more than it actually did.

“How was he?” Daniel said after another yawn.

“Good”, a pause. And then. “He said his daughter only started using cochlear at eleven, and even now she’s not very fond of it”.

“And everyone is different”.

“Yeah, but-”

Her voice lowered and she never finished what she would say. Daniel meant she simply hadn’t chosen the right words, because he was sure her opinion was very strong. And that started to become a recurrent topic between them.

After a long while, she said:

“Okay, your turn”.

Daniel opened his eyes, which were heavy with weariness, and saw Eleonor looking down at him biting her lower lip with anxiety.

“Turn to what?” he furrowed, confused.

“I just told you what thoughts bothered me this weekend. Now it’s your turn…”

More than expectancy, there was a sharp analytical tone in her expression. Daniel clutched his pillow a little tighter and shrugged.

“Nothing bothered me, it’s all good”.

She arched a brow.

“So you had a marvelous time?”
“Absolutely”.

She didn’t buy and it was written all over her face.

“What?”, he snapped, “Just because I got dropped to the midfield I can’t have had a nice time?”

She pressed her lips in a thin line.

“I didn’t say that…”

“Great.”

“Good night, then”.

He couldn’t identify her tone, if it was sarcastic or worried or defensive. But all he said back was:

“ G‘Night”.

And it took Daniel a great amount of time to fall asleep. His mind kept going back and forth to nostalgic late-breaking and cursed checkered flags. At some point, however, Els turned in bed and snuggled against his chest. Then he drifted off in sweet dreams.

Chapter Text

[LE CASTELLET, JUNE 2019. TUESDAY]

The next day, they sorted everything out a went back home with loads of medical recommendations. But it was good. It was something to cling to, tasks and responsibilities to keep up with, instead of giving into despair and fear.

Their home looked different, but it was actually them who seemed to change over the weekend (since the house layout was exactly the same – a small entrance corridor that led to an open, sea-view living room). They had a lot of work decorating it from scratch when they returned from the honeymoon. Back in the day, Eleonor had asked Kelly for stores’ recommendations, but she had forgotten had friend was from a royal in F1 millionaire family. But Eleonor remembered very quickly upon seeing the prices. One minute, when the salesman excused himself to get some showcase, she turned to Daniel with wide eyes.

“Everything is so expensive here!”

“What, it's not”, he scoffed, super relaxed, hat over his curls, sunglasses tucked on the hem of his Hawaiian shirt, and the Porsche keys rolling around his fingers. “We can afford it”.

“You can afford it”, she remarked.

He looked at her in disbelief, before sliding his hand around her shoulders to go whisper by her ear.

“We got married. It's a we from now on, Mrs. Ricciardo.” And kissed her cheek. “Now, let's finish this painful stuff quickly so we can go choose the bathtub, uh. I want a big one”.

He had given her a smack on the ass, making her jump and flush like a tomato, but before she could quarrel at him, the salesman came back.

The fun moments are reflected in the final result. It was cozy, full of life, and millimetrically decorated with personality. Pictures hang on the wall, special memories at display, grocery lists on the fridge, Amazon boxes to be open by the entry, and bookshelves divided by books and helmets.

However, at that moment, knackered, they just wanted a long day in bed. Just as they arrived, Daniel announced:

“I'm gonna go order something for dinner”.

“Oh, no, no. Don’t you dare think about it”. Grace came right behind and made him sit on the couch too. “You two have a rest, I'm gonna cook for us”.

They both tried to protest, saying it wasn't necessary, but she was stubborn and left for the kitchen giving them an order to not move and stop eating so much take-outs. Honestly, they were so tired none of them would get not even if they wanted to, being barely able to just throw themselves on the couch. Daniel defeatedly got himself comfortable, hugging a pillow and leaning his head on his wife's shoulder.

“Honey, you can go to bed and take a nap”, she said, worryingly. Daniel was definitely exhausted, but he'd deny it to the last minute possible.

“No, I'm fine”, he suppressed a yawn, his head heavy on her shoulder. “It's just the timezone. Let's watch a movie or something”.

“Okay…” she didn't point out the race was just a two-hour car trip away this time and there was no time difference from Monaco to Le Castellet. She passed an arm around his neck, bringing one hand to run through his hair, and with the other, she grabbed the remote and went through the channels until she found History Channel. “Oh, look, Ancient Aliens!”

She knew Daniel was absolutely deadbeat when he didn't complain and only murmured an unintelligible commital sound. When the smell of pasta came from the kitchen, his breath was steady and he was almost snoring.

It was a Tuesday with lots of sleeping, motherly comfort and homecooked meals (which both Eleonor and Daniel were terrible at). The next day, at night, Daniel left for Austria.

As a farewell, he kissed his mother's cheeks dozens of times, muttering infinite gratitude thank yous until Grace grew tired of it and, laughing, said he better get going. Eleonor waited patiently for her goodbye hug, with a fond smile when he came and put his arms around her.

She loved Daniel's hugs. It was like being bathed in affection, surrounded by the purest kind of care. And, the best part was that he always hung on for too long while you never wanted to let go, so it had the perfect length. And, as if sensing no one would ever get enough of it, Daniel always found a way to deepen it, embracing her tighter or curving his head into the crook of her neck. It was so soft. Gaining one of Daniel’s hugs was like she had won the lottery. It made her feel so taken care of, by a gesture so mundane, but it meant everything.

When he drew apart (she never did it), the loss of contact made her suddenly cold and empty. But, well, it was life.

“Take care, okay?” he instructed, one hand hanging around her shoulder and the other brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. “My mom looks like an angel but she can quickly become an army general when taking care of someone”.

She rested her forehead on his chest, warm and cozy, hiding a laugh for a moment, and then looked up at him again, nodding.

“We’ll get along, don’t worry. Text me when you land, alright?”

“In Paris or Spielberg?” he cocked his head to the side pretending not to know it, his hand cupped her cheek delicately, his finger running on her jaw.

“Both”.

He murmured positively before leaning in and putting their lips together for a peck, then parting away looking at her, and doing it again. It was a quick kiss, chaste, as sweet as dating your first love during lunch break in high school. It seemed appropriate, considering Grace was not far, doing her best to give them some privacy while pretending to check Daniel’s luggage.

“See you in a week”, and then, unexpectedly he parted to crouch down to talk to her baby bump. “Stay safe in there, little one. And cross your fingers for me to score a few points so I can win a bet, alright?”

+++

Here are the reasons why the next few months were very, very difficult, despite everyone’s efforts.

First, the way Eleonor had to rely so much on her mother-in-law. They had a cook and a maid that went home a few times a week, but she still needed assistance for pretty much everything else, especially as the weeks progressed and she felt more and more tired every day that passed. She had to take a license from work, but, even trying to do something in her home office, became somewhat unbearable.

Grace insisted it wasn’t much of a job, she endlessly complimented the penthouse and was an absolute angel with her. But still, it was a bit embarrassing, feeling a burden to people she held so dearly.

And second, there was Daniel constantly worrying while he was away. He tried to come back home as much as he could between the races, but sometimes it was impossible. Also, in spite of how much she missed him, Eleonor insisted he wouldn’t commute that much or he’d end up burning out of exhaustion at some point.

Summer break was a blessing for them all. Instead of traveling, as they used to do for years, the couple found comfort in snuggling home and doing online shopping for the baby layette. Grace went back to Australia with a promise to come back before the labor.

And still… She had to fight every second of crippling worry about the well-being of their little growing package. By the end of summer break, they found out it was a boy, which was an exciting novelty that led to an intimate but happy baby shower in September and long days of battle about names.

Michelle came to stay with her after the summer break. She was more relaxed than Grace, but not less attentive. And, the best part, she actively took Eleonor’s side in every debate.

“Congrats, champ!” Eleonor’s smile was too big on her face after Monza.

“Yay!” Michelle clapped her hands, squeezing by her side on the bed to appear on the face call too. “Bring a little champagne home for us”.

Daniel was glowing. Literally and figuratively, sweaty and slouched on a couch in his Renault room, the celebrations muffled on the outside.

“Well, it was just P4 and…” he started, but the two ladies quickly cut him off, giggling and smiling.

“Stop it. You guys now overthrew Toro Rosso!”

“Shut up and enjoy it, loser!” Michelle was a bit less kind but not less enthusiastic.

“P5 in the championship, uh?” Eleonor continued.

“Ah, stop it…” Daniel theatrically faked humbleness. “I’m kidding. Keep going, I love it.”

They both laughed while he relaxed on the couch, waiting to be praised.

“You know what? I deserve a reward for it, don’t you think?”

“Alright”, Eleonor conceded as he reached her sweet spot because a good result made him so happy and she was willing to do anything to make it last, “Go on.”

“I don’t know, I was just thinking”, he averted looking at the camera, faking innocence, “Maybe Little Shaggy would love to…”

“No!”, she cut with a scowl, firmly, “Daniel, we will not name our son Shaggy.”

“But it’s the coolest name ever!” he pouted, “It would be the coolest name. Tell her, Michelle.”

“She’s right, Daniel. You can be a little goofy, but don’t punish your kid like this.”

“Aargh, you two are the worst. I miss mom.”

“Go celebrate your score, be happy about this. And forget Shaggy.”

“Never!”

At least with Monaco being such a small city, there were lovely friends who were also neighbors who came by and nice places to distract them. However, when Eleonor finally got released from her mandatory medical rest, her ankles were swollen, her breasts hurt and she was counting the seconds to give birth.

+++

Nate came into this world at the dawn of a Monday, the first week of October, in the Princess Grace Hospital of Monaco, with 2,9kg and a thin strain of dark hair, surrounded by a team of medical professionals, happy tears from his parents and loved ones waiting outside to meet him. Considering the emotional turmoil of the last months, the labor was the easiest of it all.

Since it happened unexpectedly a few weeks before the due date, neither Grace nor Joe had arrived in Monaco yet, but at least it was Daniel’s free week. He had come home just a few hours before the contractions started, so the timing worked out well, to everyone’s surprise.

It was a blessing that he had a whole free week between the Russian and the Japanese GP. And Eleonor was so, so thankful for this little miracle of time, this universe's blessing of letting him be there in that moment to witness the birth of their little baby.

Especially for what happened later, when her obstetrician came, just a few hours after Nate was in the world, saying he needed to take a few exams. Eleonor didn’t want to let go of him, he was so tiny, so defenseless, and so beautiful. But Because of the ovular detachment, the doctor explained, they had to make sure everything was alright. And it wasn’t.

Imagine sitting there, exhausted from giving birth, hearing a doctor saying they confirmed your child is deaf. Imagine hearing them explain how they still would be able to achieve as many things as hearing children would as if he was less capable. Imagine seeing your son being in the back of a race he didn’t even sign up to participate. Imagine receiving a flyer, a goddamn flyer, explaining your “options”. There was this specialist, an audiologist, who came to talk to them and give them details, though they were in too much of a shock to comprehend the exact details.

So, yes, it was challenging. To say the least.

Having a child with a disability must already be hard enough, but having a newborn with a disability… it changes something in you. Or maybe it was just the parenting stuff, as a whole, to be totally responsible for another human’s well-being, one so little and that you are already loved more than anything else in the universe.

“What are we going to do?” Daniel whispered to her that night. He was lying in bed with her, both failing to get some sleep despite being whacked to their core. He had one arm around her shoulder, emanating so much comfort.

Eleonor was leaning fully at his side, Nate sleeping like an angel between her arms. She couldn’t get enough of him. And, if her arms didn’t get sore, she for sure would carry him 24/7. He was so tiny, his eyes squinting shut while he drifted off in sleep. And his little nose, a little round on the end, was the most adorable thing. It was perfect.

“We’ll sort this out”, she whispered back to him because there was no other alternative.

A moment of sacred silence passed, and then he asked:

“How?” His voice sounded so weak and lost it shredded something inside her.

Eleonor turned to look at him, divided between asking why did he thought she would know the answer and driving into despair as well. But instead, upon seeing the helpless honey eyes, she instructed softly:

“Can you open the Amazon app?”

He opened his mouth to question but decided to do as he was told without debating. He reached for his phone on the bedside table, unlocked it, and opened the app.

“Oh, not your account”, she whispered, “Use mine”.
“What’s the difference?” he shot back, speaking as low as her.
“I’m a Loyalty Rewards customer. I have coupons.”

He covered his mouth with his hand to muffle his laugh. Daniel loved to make fun of the saving techniques.

“Oh, give me this. Here,” she tried to hand him Nate quickly and swiftly but stopped one second after.

It was all still very new and she had no practice, so, instead, she waited for Daniel to place his phone between them. And, only then, she carefully passed him the baby. An actual human being miniature edition (very fragileTM). Daniel was even warier than her, sitting up straight and using both arms to hold Nate. Her two men.

She hid a smile when picking his phone up and switching accounts on the app. Next, she searched for books about hearing parents to deaf children and navigated analyzing synopses and reviews in order to fill the cart. She settled for “We are Hands and Voices”; “If a Tree Falls: a Family’s Quest to Hear and Be Heard”; and “The Parenting Journey: Raising Deaf and Hard of Hearing Children”. Seeing those titles and stories seemed like something far off, it was as far from her reality as buying books about climbing the Everest or directing a Hollywood movie. But, at the same time, it wasn’t. She just hadn't fully grasped it yet.

“Done”, she showed Daniel the screen after the purchase, “We’ll have a better idea in 12 to 24 hours. Courtesy of the Loyalty Awards fast delivery.”

He looked at her in utter disbelief.

“Books? You’ve bought books?”

“We have to start somewhere, no?”

Daniel pondered mentally for a moment. After a beat, he drew a smile at her.

“This was all part of your master plan to make me a reader, right?”

She couldn’t help but to giggle and lean in to give him a kiss on the jaw.

“I’m taking the chance”.

But he was right. Books weren’t enough to cover the tip of that iceberg. Eleonor had the impression Daniel got what it all meant way earlier than she did. For her, it happened as a slow-mo process, unraveling itself little by little.

First, when Daniel’s parents arrived the next day, so eager to meet their grandson. They were the first ones to learn about it. Then, telling everyone else who came to visit. Despite it being all close people whom they loved very much, Eleonor couldn’t help a raging sense of protection, ready to slash anyone who took the slightest ever wrong look at her son. It was a feeling that remained within her for the following weeks and then never went away, so she knew it would be there forever.

Second, when she cried at night reading books. Not only the real overcoming stories but how all of them depicted the impact of the parents’ choices in the children’s development. It made her feel inadequate and unprepared in hundreds of ways. Damn, she didn’t even know a single deaf person. She had no idea how to do it.

Third, the one morning when she jumped out of bed and the first thing she did was enroll herself and Daniel in an online sign language class. At that time, her sleeping schedule was a mess, so she saw no point in waiting for the sunrise to start learning, hitting the play button on her notebook in the middle of the night.

When Daniel woke up to his turn to feed Nate, around 5 a.m., he walked into the living room shirtless and frowning, with the baby in one arm and holding a bottle of breast milk in the other hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a hoarse voice catching her moving her hands in front of the screen.

“Oh. Come here, look what I’ve found.”

Daniel blinked before moving to sit next to her on the couch, his brain so slow at those hours.

“An online sign language course?”

“Hm-hm”, she nodded, pausing her 101 class to scroll through the topics, “It seemed a good idea, but apparently it’s american sign language. Apparently, there’s a difference, from the US, Canada, UK and Australia. It looks obvious now, but I didn’t think this through. And there’s also baby sign language, I had no clue. Did you know that?”

He blinked, squinting at the screen.

“What?”

“Nothing. Listen, this guy”, she pointed at the paused online teacher, “Said it can take up to three years to become fluent. Three years! We can’t wait this long. We need a private teacher, willing to give us intensive classes.”

He nodded for a while, mindlessly rocking Nate in his arms.

“Wher…” he stopped to ywan “Where are we going to find one?”

“I don’t know.” She bit her lower lip apprehensively.

She let out a sudden yawn, provoked by Daniel’s one.

“We can look it up in the morning, uh?” he prompted softly. “You should get some sleep.”

When the day fully rose, hours later, she started the hunt. It turned out there were some instructors in Monaco, but all for BSL, which she didn’t think would be a good idea since they spent too much time in Australia. But there were so many questions and points to take into consideration. In the end, they lived in Monaco, so shouldn’t Nate be taught in French? But Daniel didn’t speak French, so English seemed a fair common ground. But, when he went to school, what would happen? Would he study there in Monaco, in Perth, somewhere else? What if she wouldn’t work in Menton anymore, or Daniel in Renault? Where would they be?

“Oh, you’re worrying too much about the future”, Grace told her over the phone one morning that week.

Eleonor was making a jar of expresso in the kitchen, fiddling with the phone while the water boiled.

“Am I?” she sounded a bit lost “He’s two months old, already. it’s passing so quickly…”

“Oh, sweetheart. It only looks this hard because he’s still a baby, but when he grows you’ll see kids are tougher than they look. Trust me. It breaks our hearts but they can handle themselves. Just focus on the present, all right? The rest will work out with the time.”

Hearing Grace’s maternity pieces of advice was one of the few things that eased her heart at that time. She was right about sleeping when the baby sleeps, about the nursing pillows and the breasting bras, so she must be right about the language learning too.

Still, she spent the day hunting an AUSLAN teacher in Monaco, which proved to be as hard as the seven labors of Hercules. At least she had Daniel One Direction singing as the soundtrack, some habit he picked out of nowhere every time he changed Nate's diapers.

It was funny especially because he only knew three songs, and used to mix them up all the time. Since Nate had just started to smile, they had engaged in ways to find what made him do it (because it was addictive as hell), and seeing his dad sing (and try to dance to the songs while wiggling his legs) apparently was one of those things.

The improvised mashup of Steal My Girl and One Thing, with the charming Aussie accent, got louder as she heard him approach her office.

“Hey, mate!” he greeted stopping by the door.

“Hey, you”, she moved her office chair to face him with a smile.

“I just wanted to say that having a baby is the funniest thing to do in the world.”

“I’m figuring”, she said with a giggle.

“We’re heading to the best part of the day, are you joining us?”

“In a minute. You can get started.”

“Alrighty”, he clicked his tongue, “But you’ll miss the best part. Oh, and, uh. We should go to a Harry Styles concert. He’s really good.”

Eleonor laughed. She’s been saying that for months!

“Thank you for finally getting it.”

“You should have shown me these old songs first”, he scolded before heading out for stretching time.

Daniel loved stretching time. He insisted it was just like exercising for being a racing driver, and, consequently, Nate was turning out to be just like him. Once, when Michael was visiting, he even asked for his professional advice. Michael, finding it very funny, said he only trained adult athletes and had no parameters about newborns. To which Daniel proudly replied, “But you see the potential, no? Look at his muscles”, while flexing the chubby legs of a confused Nate.

As much as she always loved to see it, too, Eleonor was focused on the teacher's research. She had to make several calls to all the BSL teachers, asking all of them if they knew or knew someone else who taught Australian Sign Language. She was almost giving up and settling for a British-speaking son when one of them said yes.

“There’s this friend of mine, he’s Australian himself, but he’s a therapist, not a teacher”, one of them said over the phone, maybe her 15th call of the day, sounding pitiful after hearing the desperation in her voice, “But I know he has a hard of hearing daughter, so maybe he can land a hand.”

“Yes! Yes, please. That sounds perfect.”

He gave her the number and she called right away. The man who answered, Dr. Ryan, was very kind and attentive, having an Australian accent that sounded like music to Eleonor’s ears, her heart already hammering with relief. It didn’t matter when he told her he didn’t work as a teacher, only a therapist.

“I’d like to book a session, actually.”

“Of therapy?” he sounded slightly confused.

“Yes.” she affirmed very decidedly, “To me and my husband. He’s from Perth, by the way.”

“Uh… okay. What time sounds better for you?”

When the call ended, she went jumping with excitement to find Daniel. He was folding some baby clothes by the drawer, a curious look on his face when he saw her approaching. Eleonor drew a big grin before jumping on him, legs around his waist and arms around his shoulders. Thank God for Daniel’s Greek god physique and another planet’s reflexes, catching her firmly without a second thought.

Then she gave him a long peck on the lips because she couldn’t contain the happy energy buzzing inside her body.

“Wow.” he blinked when she drew apart, a bit dazzled, “What is it for?”

“You, my friend, married the smartest and badass woman in the world!” she kissed the tip of his nose.

“Okay. Already knew that, but…” he was interrupted by another kiss, this one making him laugh, a sweet, loving, and contagious sound, “Anything in particular now?”

They sat by the bed as she told him what had just passed in her office.

“I don’t get it. He’s not a teacher?”

“Not yet,” she assured, “We need to do a very good job as a desperate and lost couple, so he will pity us so badly and turn the therapy sessions into teaching.”

Daniel stared at her jaw dropped, a mixture of amazement and understanding in his expression.

“You’re a naughty little thing”, he tickled her ribs.

She cocked her head to the side, a fake humble expression.

“Anything for our shaggy”, she shrugged.

Daniel threw his head back laughing, a laugh take came from his heart, a sound that made her smile instantly.

“I knew the nickname would catch! You owe me 10 bucks.”

“Never. I take it back.”

“ Oh, now you’re gaslighting me?” he took one hand to his chest, offended.

“Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss, baby.”

With that good humor, it was really hard to fake the desperate role the next day, in their session with Dr. Ryan. The therapist genuinely received them for a psychology session but quickly found out what it was about.

“I’m sorry. You two seem very dedicated, but I’m not qualified to teach. I only talk to my daughter, and she’s now more invested in adjusting to her concealer implant. She doesn’t sign to me it’s been months.”

But Eleonor didn’t give up easily. She told him about how he was the only Australian person on that island who could help them. She said if he didn’t do it, they would end up having to move to Australia, and Daniel would lose his job and they’d end up homeless and unable to communicate with their son. Even the dr. didn’t believe it, so she asked if maybe his daughter wasn’t looking for a winter job, maybe some private tutoring for a millionaire couple.

“Okay, I get it. You’re trying the best for your son.”

“Yes!” she smiled, excited with the perspective of reaching a common ground with him.

“The guy on the internet said it can take up to three years to become fluent”, Daniel added, very attentively, sitting by her side with one hand around the couch behind them, “So we’re just in a bit of a rush”.

“I see…” he nodded, “Maybe you feel like you have a deadline here, so?”

It was very swift, what he did, looking back at it. But, in the moment, it didn’t feel like it. However, an hour passed with them expressing their feelings about the whole situation. They didn’t even realize they had fallen into the therapy side of things until Daniel was actively and rawly voicing his concerns about Nate’s future, and how worried he was about having his son feel included and loved. Or when Eleonor started crying because she was so, so afraid about having a toddler and not being able to communicate with him.

Dr. Ryan happened to be a very serious man, encouraging them to verbalize their thoughts and think of them through some less desperate lens. It helped that he knew, personally, what they were talking about. At the end of the session, that wasn’t, by far, long enough, he said he shouldn’t, professionally, give them advice, but he did it anyway. As a father.

“As parents, our first instinct is to shield our children from the world, but, before we notice, they are already going out and facing it by themselves”, he gave them an empathetic smile, “I know it’s scary having a kid with a disability, but don’t underestimate him too much. Give him a chance to fend for himself, all right?”

It was a good, despite unexpected, talk. They didn’t learn a thing of sign language, but it was helpful in a different way. So helpful they decided to go back the next week and, to their surprise, Dr. Ryan started with the basics of AUSLAN.

Eleonor almost cried in relief and thankfulness, but guaranteed it was just a courtesy, and repeated he wasn’t a proper teacher, but it was something.

Every day they discovered something new they had no idea about, and it was hard not to feel like a complete failure but, honestly, they didn’t have time for it. Daniel would soon have to go back to Enstone to work with the Renault new car, and, not much after, Barcelona for testing, and then that crazy traveling calendar.

So they spend the holidays studying. Full party, uh. And, additionally, looking for a babysitter (despite Eleonor’s protests of handling it the traditional way, it became clear taking care of a baby was work for more than one person, and she’ll need help very soon).

It changed much of their old, non-parenting routine, but it was just a matter of adaptation.

“I can’t believe you’re not coming for Christmas”, Michelle pouted on a video call in mid-December. She and Eleonor had become even closer after their time together during Nate’s pregnancy.

“Yeah, you know. Dan thinks he’s “failing” our class”, she whispered, despite knowing Daniel was sleeping like a rock upstairs, “So he wants to study as much as he can while it’s still the break.”

“This is cruel. I miss my favorite nephew. You guys don’t send enough pictures of him, by far.”

“I videochated you yesterday!”

“And it’s been so long already”, she pouted dramatically, “Let me see him.”

“I’m not gonna show you my boobs again, you creep.”

“Please, please, please, please, please…”

“Fine!”

Eleonor rolled her eyes while moving the phone camera to show Nate, comfortably nurseling. He was, in fact, adorable.

And it was a fun time, getting to see Daniel studying with her. He had caught Eleonor smiling mindlessly at her many times. “What?”, he’d ask. “Nothing”, she answered, despite what she really wanted to say was: “Who is the nerd now, uh?”

But he was miserably putting himself down in this learning thing, moping around, and don’t think he was learning it fast enough (despite being only one month so far!). She tried to make him feel better, saying she wasn’t much better, but he denied it vehemently, saying she had an “academic brain”.

“That’s not true…” she tried to console him, one night, both snuggling together in bed. It had been ages since they didn’t spend Christmas in Monaco and the cold weather was proper for it.

“You speak seven languages already”, he mumbled sadly, lying at her side while she ran her fingers through his soft hair. He had a mullet then, which was a horror to her “no sex for six weeks after labor” rule.

“Well. None of them… you know. That doesn’t mean anything. Besides, we only have each other to practice, it’s not like you would know when I get something wrong.”

But, deep down inside, she knew augmenting didn’t work with him. In situations like those, there was only one thing that could cheer him up.

“Okay. That’s disappointing”, she muttered distractedly, “I didn’t think you were gonna let me win this one”.

He raised his head from the mattresses, furrowed eyebrows and questioning honey eyes looking curiously at her.

“Winning?” he propped himself up on his elbows, “You’re not ‘winning’. This is not a competition.”

“Or is it?” She tipped his nose with her fingers, wiggling her eyebrows.

Eleonor could see the exact moment the realization hit him, as he stared at her agape, a bit offended and a bit astonished.

“You’re done. I’m gonna beat you”, he was suddenly so determined

“You’re not”, she laughed, while Daniel came over to her, his face inches above hers, one breath away.

“You’re playing with fire.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Your naughty thing…” he smiled before leaning down and giving a soft, cherishing kiss.

It added a bit of fun. Every session, they asked Dr. Ryan about their development as two infants competing in school. He refused to compare the two but they found ways of picking up cues and tracking the differences. Like, Eleonor was better at spelling, but Daniel had a broader vocabulary, and from that they built a points system. And then they started adding more and more challenges to that competition. They tried to draw other people to it, to see who could teach someone. Eleonor won the first bonus point by teaching Kelly how to sign greetings and introduce herself. But Daniel soon won two double points by teaching Max how to carry a full conversation about the weather. Eleonor had the payback by teaching Michael how to call out on Daniel, which they all (Except for Daniel) had fun with for days.

Soon, many other people were involved and, surprisingly, enjoying it. Eleonor didn’t realize how much they needed before, but seeing their close friends getting involved was comforting in ways she couldn’t explain.

To put the cherry on the cake top, soon was their first Christmas with Nate. And they wanted it to be special.

There wasn’t much to do with a 2-month-old and two sleep-deprived adults, but everything was new and so exciting in their little family of three that the good times were inevitable. They baked (and burned food, having to order it) and they decorated, they took photos of Nate with the take-out cookies and with the decoration, by the tree and with the matching, ugly Christmas sweaters. They watched Home Alone and drank hot chocolate and debated whether they would raise their son by making him believe in Santa Claus or not.

“Of course we will! I thought that was obvious.” Daniel argued, “That’s where half of the Christmas magic is.”

“Actually, it’s not that obvious. The Santa Claus folklore has Nordic origins, not all countries follow it as Hollywood makes it look like. Did you know that he’s actually a modern version of a Greek bishop from Myra?”

“Honey. I already have you to tell me all this weird stuff. Let Nate be uninformed till 30, like me.”

Everything was new and special. And, to close with a golden key, they decided to communicate only with their newly acquired, rough sign language. It was messy and frustrating at the beginning, but they worked it out.

Eleonor gifted Daniel the ball used in the last Bills game, autographed by their quarterback, which left Daniel jaw-dropped. Daniel gifted Eleonor a limited-edition typewriter and a fidelity card to the Acropolis of Athens & Parthenon that left her equally jaw-dropped.

“I know how- you love…” he started, but trailed off at a loss of words.

“C-o-u-p-o-n-s?”, she suggested.

“Yes.” he smiled, thankful, “C-o-u-p-o-n-s.”

“This is so…” she didn’t know how to sign attentive or special, so instead she hoped he understood her smile and settled for: “Thank you very much. I love you.”

He smiled. “I love you too”.

That was one of the easiest and first things they learned. It seemed the most important one, so it was enough.

Chapter Text

On Sunday, Eleonor was determined to make a concession.

It was July 31st and, if the world was made of cotton candy and everything went well, that would be the baby’s due date. So, yes, she was willing to call Daniel and talk about it – in spite of her clammy palms, the constant need to pace around, and a persistent scratch behind her ear. And no, she definitely did not procrastinate this by going to make breakfast.

Actually, Noemi wasn’t there today and Daniel was busy with Quali so… yes. She’ll definitely call him at night. And she was definitely not anxious at all, having woken up at 4 am, walked around the apartment approximately a dozen times and settled, as the sun was rising, to sit on the balcony and mount over her pathetic attempt to grow a stupid plant.

It went way worse than she expected. First, she thought she just aimed too high trying to grow tulips right away, when a month passed with not even a single branch sign, she went to complain to the floriculture guy she bought the seeds from.

“It’s too warm to grow tulips. It’s better to try in the fall”, he had explained.

“And you only tell me this now?” She quarreled. But, in the end, she bought a small and already-grown cactus.

Imagine her frustration when, only a week later, he was brown, withered, and irresurrectable. All her attempts failed miserably: succulents the size of a football, tomato seedlings, pepperoni plants, and even begonias. According to the know-wall floriculture guy, begonias were the easiest flowers in the world to cultivate. So easy even an illiterate child could do it.

There must be something really, really wrong with Eleonor.

The begonias episode even led her to throw the stupid tiny seeding out of the balcony and hit the head of a poor, innocent passerby (who happened to be their neighbor from the building on the other side of the street, David Coulthard). There was definitely something really wrong with her.

“There is nothing wrong with you”, Dr. Laura had kindly remarked in their individual session, “these things just take time.”

“But I was supposed to get this right faster!”

“Have you ever tried to grow plants before?”

And Eleonor had forgotten they were talking about plants. So she eventually gave the whole thing up, that’s why the plant vase would remain empty forever (because she still couldn’t get rid of it).

When the sun was reasonably up, she decided to get busy with something and settled for breakfast. It took her one full hour and two pancake doughs but she managed to make a fair amount that wasn’t burnt.

She heard the door opening and clicking back shut around 8 a.m., and soon Melissa appeared at the kitchen door with a surprised look. Thank god, she thought with relief, because she couldn’t handle being alone with her thoughts for another minute.

“Good morning!” The girl greeted with a smile, “Wow, that smells awesome. Is Noemi around?”

Eleonor chuckled, finishing the last pancake and putting it alongside others on the plate.

“Ha-ha. Thanks for your faith in me.” she rolled her eyes.

“It was a compliment!” Melissa defended herself, eyebrows raising up as she approached the kitchen counter eyeing the put table set. “Caraca, menor. Mandou bem, hein”

Eleonor raised an eyebrow at her, Melissa made a frown but bit her lip while thinking, proceeding to try to repeat the phrase, but in French.

“Ouah. Bon travail.”

“Trés Bien”.

She clicked her tongue, unsatisfied.

“It doesn’t have the same effect.”

“It never does”, Eleonor conceded, a bit sad.

Melissa was a young and wild soul. She came to Monaco a year ago when they hired her to be an au pair for Nate. Initially, she’d only stay for six months, but Eleonor fell in love with her, asking her to work for them permanently. She took care of all the visa and hiring part, because Melissa was a true gem. She was not only Brazilian as well, but from Rio de Janeiro, just like Eleonor. So they rooted for the same football team, listened to the same kind of songs, and had the same superiority complex comments about french beaches and dutch beers. Melissa was a high school graduate that had no idea what to pursue professionally, so she went to France with the dream of learning the local language, and Eleonor helped her. But, the best of best-deciding factor, for sure, was the factor that she spoke brazilian sign language, and had unique didactics to teach it for Nate. So, yes, can anyone blame Eleonor for wanting her around forever?

“So, you slept out last night?”, from the corner of her eye she saw her hesitating.

“Uh.”

“I’m just asking ‘cause your mom asks about you all the time”.

“Ugh!” She grumbled, “My mom should stop bothering you! And please don’t tell her. I’m just trying to be young and free and funny and, and- you know. Can’t you blame me for sneaking around and meeting a rich European dude?”

Eleonor turned to her wide-eyed and with a smirk.

“You’re dating?”.

Melissa's mouth shut as if she regretted letting that out.

“You know what? I’m not. I’m working. And I’m going to wake Nate up”.

Melissa went upstairs in a hurry, making Eleonor smile with the feeling she had a toddler and a young girl to take care of. Soon they were both in the kitchen, her little ball of sunshine a sleepy mess of curls, soft pajamas, and his lovey.

“Good morning, my love” she smiled at him.

Nate’s arms instantly pointed out to her and she picked him up from Melissa’s arms. His hair smelled of soft shampoo and conditioned air, curls picking out in every direction as he let out a yawn. Eleonor couldn’t help but squeeze him a little tighter. Slow mornings were one of the best things about having a toddler. They had so much energy, but it took some time to get it going. And, having just waking up, Nate was more prone to snuggling and just wanting to go back to sleep again.

He raised a tiny hand and made a messy and sleepy sign, which Eleonor quickly got.

“Yeah, pancakes. With smiles, look”, she answered, earning her a light smile that always made her heart triple-size.

And, yeah, maybe she could survive that day. And call Daniel at the end of it.

+++

They went to watch the race at Kelly’s. Eleonor helped her with the final preparations for Penelope’s birthday that week and watched when she and Melissa commented on something everyone on Instagram was talking about.

She had been off social media for a very long time. Because of what happened, at first. But, after, because people were getting off-handed about her on the internet. The F1 enthusiasts used to have only good things to say about her, but many have been critical, in a mean way, on why she hasn't accompanied Daniel in any races that year. People accused her of not supporting him in what looked like a difficult season with McLaren, even assuming they got a secret divorce and weren't together anymore.

Things were already pretty bad when she didn't appear in Melbourne for the Australia GP, as she used to do every year, and only got worse when she didn't leave the house in the Monaco race too. The cherry on the cake's top was the FP2, when Daniel crashed into a wall, and she was only watching from home, her hand over her mouth with the horror. That was a very difficult day, among a sequence of other hard ones. She ran down the street and almost got blocked at the paddock entrance but, after a little quarrel and some calls, got to Daniel in the medical center with a tight hug and tears — half of her heart broken for him not being okay, the other half broken because she wasn't there. She felt so horrible, even though Daniel assured her he was fine. But she knew it was not completely true, she saw how long it took for him to get out of the car, how the team asked about the car and not him. Maybe he was physically well, but that wasn't everything. So she felt even more terrible for not paying attention enough.

That night, they snuggled together in the bed, clinging to comfort from each other as neither of them could seem to get to sleep. In whispers, she tried to coax him into explaining what was really going on inside McLaren's garage, but Daniel remained as stubborn as a door, only trying to convince her everything was perfectly all right. And Daniel seemed to be so much at peace, that she craved to make it last as long as possible, planting light kisses on his neck and inhaling his smell, calming herself as well.

And, to be honest, she wasn’t in her best mental state either, so she couldn’t be of much help. She couldn’t even attend the race that weekend, which raised even more comments about her. People had no idea she could barely leave her room, let alone follow Daniel around the world in fancy events. But in Monaco, specifically, she felt really bad about it. “Don’t worry” Daniel had assured firmly, planting a kiss on the top of her head while she hugged him tight by the door on Saturday morning, “I’m gonna be okay, you don’t have to go. I’d say also you have a few credits left for all the dozens of GPs you’ve been too”. He meant it as a joke, but she couldn’t bring herself to laugh when yesterday’s crash kept on replay in her mind. “Take care”, she just squeezed him a little more before letting go.

There were days and days.

And now she was trying to focus herself on staying whole until the end of the day. On their way back home, late afternoon, Eleonor told Melissa to go up with Nate. And she left for the cemetery.

She didn’t enter, of course, and couldn’t bring herself to since that dark day in early feburary. But she stayed in silence watching the sun set over the sea down the hill.

Eleonor planned on sitting on a dusty bench and waiting until she got the courage to call Daniel, and that’s when she received the call. The ID from Australia shone on the screen making her furrow her brows, considering the time.

Twenty minutes later, she was pressing the buttons of their home, going up, and then- she stopped outside. Why was she even running home for? Damn it, she was panicking. Oh no. Think, think, think.

She couldn’t go in and let Nate see her like that. But she didn’t know what to do. Her mind was spinning. She couldn’t handle another crisis. She couldn’t handle another crisis. There was something really wrong with her, that even a stupid chicken on the other side of the world… She couldn’t handle another crisis. She couldn’t hand…

Tears streamed down her cheeks and she desperately grabbed her phone, typing the numbers in one familiar motion. And before he could say anything, she started rambling.

“Grant just called me. He said Samantha is sick”, her voice trembled, “I didn’t even know that was possible? I don’t know what to do. He said he’d take her to the bet but it’s 9 pm there and, and I… oh my god. What should we do?!”

A silence stretched out. Too long to be Normal for him. And then:

"Uh… Sorry, Daniel can't come to the phone right now".

Came a strange female voice. Eleonor stopped, feeling weirdly vulnerable. Her tears froze.

"Who is it?", she asked slowly.

"It's Kayla".

What the hell? Eleonor frowned. Since she was alone in an empty hallway, she could clearly hear the motion and movements on the other side of the line. The garage after Quali, she’d guess.

"And where is he, then?"

"That is. Hm. Confidential."

Eleonor shut her mouth when she realized it was agape. With the back of her hand, she wiped the reminiscent tears on her face, the despair being slowly replaced by rage.

"Wha- uh. Where's Blake then?"

A pause. And then:

"Who is it?"

Oh, fuck that! Eleonor turned the call down, steaming. Her eyes glued on the phone as if she could burn them with her look. Her jaw hurt with her clenched teeth and maybe, just maybe, if she was young and mad, she would fly to Budapest to put some cards on the table. But she was not. She was an alone mother with a crisis to solve.

So she breathed in deeply and pushed all the anger aside to try to solve the problem.

+++

Daniel was officially on summer break. However, he went to Woking after Hungary instead of coming straight home like literally any other normal person on Earth. So, he only arrived on Thursday. Thursday!

With his stupid grin saying how he missed them all so much. And, just as any other mid-season, he seemed to be so much more toned up. There was this way, when he was watching TV, how he leaned on the couch with his arm above his head, his muscles on display as the shirt sleeve slid down just a bit. And when he picked up the mail, and read the electricity bill with a hand running over his stubble, and then just his finger. Slowly. And he had a frown of concentration, just a tiny wrinkle between his brows and-

Oh, how she was mad at him!

“Why are you mad at me?”, he asked casually, that night.

Eleonor purposefully (and maybe vindictively) stayed until late at the university. But the guy had waited for her for dinner, damn it.

“I’m not.” she stayed focused on cutting the lettuce leaves on her plate.

“Oh, come on…”

She raised her look to meet Daniel with an arched eyebrow at her. They were alone at the kitchen table, Nate already sleeping like a log and Melissa having gone upstairs early.

“I’m not mad at you.”

The clinging of the cutlery on the porcelain rang in her ears. Under the table, her foot was silently tapping the ground.

“Okay”, Daniel said. But she caught something on his expression. That… that thing he did, widening his gaze on the table as if murmuring to himself about her.

“Huh. You think I’m lying”, she accused, her lips ironically curving slightly up.

“Well. You obviously are.”

“I’m not!”

“You’re mad at me because you think I forgot the baby’s due date”, he stated, not looking up at her.

Eleonor’s breath caught. Her shoulders slouched as she leaned back in the chair with a huff.

“I did not, by the way”, he remarked still not looking up, “I was just waiting for you to call. But you didn’t. Which obviously was an issue for you so-”

“Wow.” she let out a humorless laugh that caught his attention. Finally. “You can stop right there, thank you.”

“I was just justifying myself”

“You don’t get to say what is an issue for me and what’s not”, she stated. Maybe more bitter than necessary.

And that seemed to be it for Daniel because his thoughtful face and defensive demeanor turned into a deep offended frown.

“Since when?”

She took a deep, deep breath. Jesus. Eleonor really, really didn’t want to be a sour and lovely wife. Really. But-

“Samantha is sick. Did you know that?”, she bit the inside of her cheek hard. For his expression, he didn’t know. Of course, he didn’t know. “I had to ask your father for help. He spent the night at the vet with her. And, meanwhile-”

“Now you stop right there-” he interrupted, and only then she realized she had raised her voice.

“What?! I’m just telling tha-”

“I was working.”

“This is not about your work…”

“It is, I’m not a fool, all right?” she opened her mouth to protest, lip trembling, but he cut in incisively, “Because I’m away, I know. And I travel A lot, I know that too. But that’s not fair, all right?”

“What?”

The food had already been forgotten in the middle of the arguments. When did they get to this subject? She had no idea what had happened. and he kept going.

“I have been by your side through all of this. I have been going through a lot of bad stuff too, but I have been putting all this aside to be the strong one, but I can't take it on my own. I can’t be the good guy 24/7. And you can't get away with everything things just because you were the pregnant one.”
That itched something in her. Her jaw clenched.

“What.”

“Yeah.” Daniel seemed to stand by whatever shit he was spitting out out of nothing. “That.”

“So you blame it on me.” she squinted at him.

And that single moment, that millisecond of hesitance in his glance. It broke her.

“Daniel…”

“That's not what I've said” he tried, but it wasn’t fast enough.

“You don't have to say it. Fuck this.” She dropped her fork and knife at the table needing her hands to accopaign her words, to show him how she felt, “You don’t get to say this! I Never invalidated your feelings. I never did that. Ever. I said, I always said you could tell me anything. You always-”

“How?”

“You always told me everything”

“When?” he stressed out, breath heavy and eyes darting around as if searching for an answer in the half-lighted room. “Uh? When? When you were crying all day or maybe when you were not even letting me sleep near you?”

“That's not fair.”

“Yes. Right. It's not fair.” the stress on his face made her want to throw up. “It's not fair to me too. You know?”

“Has it ever”, her voice sounded way lower than she wanted, “ever occurred to you that maybe it sucks to see you this way and know that is my fault?”

“Then stop it!”

She almost laughed. No, she laughed. Elbows over the table, hands covering her eyes. That was unbelievable. The whole thing was unbelievable. How did they get to this?

“No shit, Sherlock”, she deadpanned, “Thanks for the cue. I had no idea how to solve this whole shit.”

“Don't do this…”

Eleonor looked up at him, lost. And he was lost too, right before her eyes. And to think that was the longest conversation they had in week…

“Drag it all over you” he kept going after a beat, taking a breath again, “like you're the keeper of all the knowledge and know everything about this.”
Her mouth fell open, wrathful.

“I don’t-”

“You do!” he was on the edge of his seat, on the edge of his patience. “You absolutely fucking do. You simply won't let me help you.”

She got up from the table, mad as hell, taking her half-finished dinner to the sink. Daniel dropped his cutlery at the table. Maybe she was insane to think there was a way out of this.

“You won't let me help you”, he repeated, bit by bit, over his shoulder, with just enough anger to set her on the edge. “You won't let me get near you, you won't let me go through this with you”.

“Oh, well.” There were simply no words in the entire known language to man that could explain that.

“It's true. Don't pretend it's not because it is.”

“It's not that simple”. She said it a little louder than the tone they were using, hands pressed on the counter, knuckles white, and her heart beating so strong she thought she might combust.

She heard more than she saw Daniel getting up too, and in one second he was by her side, as she stared at the faucet with madness.

“Then tell me how it is”, his voice was lower but not less determined. By the side of her eye, she captured him crossing his arms over his chest, looking down at her. “Because you can’t just walk away from this.”

“Fuck you.”

“No”, he scolded, “You don't do that. Not this bullshit on me, all right? You won’t push me away just because you're angry.”

She turned to face him, mad as hell. Just one step away, the dim light reflected in his eyes.

“Talk. To me,” he begged.

She kept staring at him, not a word. Brain empty. And you can’t have a master's and a PhD but they won’t help you in times like these. Because the blood boiling won’t let you have any thoughts.

“What do you want” — he demanded, his blood boiling. It was not even frustration anymore, it was just… just. Fuck.

Eleonor chest was rising and falling with rage, as she stood right there, inches from him, eyes full of determination. And then, for a fraction of a second, her look flicked to his lips. It lasted a blink of an eye, but it was enough to shift the atmosphere. Her smoldering energy turned into something more eager, almost delirious.

And his eyes… His eyes got in the play, moving to stare at her lips too, hanging there for a second too long. Honey and sweet, and she had them tattooed in her memory.

Daniel swallowed a lump in his throat, looking up at her eyes again, letting her analyze him with that grip around her emotions. The need between them was consuming.

“Fuck, Els”, he let out, slow and hoarse. He reached over to lean his hand on the fridge behind her, over her shoulder.

The movement instantly drew him closer to her. She swallowed dry, breath heavy, eyes widening, but didn’t move a muscle.

“Tell me what you want, uh”, he begged, “Or else I’m going insane.”

The silence hung between them for what seemed ages as she tried to concentrate. Her mouth parted as if she was going to say something, but she didn’t. She just stayed like that, like sin, surveying his face for God knows what. And Daniel’s self-control was clearly hung by a thread, lines so blurred he didn’t even think before reaching his free hand to cup her chin, his thumb tracing her lower lip softly and slowly.

And holy God. Eleonor’s knees threatened to give in with just that. And she had no choice but to hold his face between her hands and put their lips together in a needy, obscene, passionate kiss.

Chapter Text

Oh holy moly that naughty little ripper.

It didn’t have teasing, it didn’t have uncertainty, it didn’t have lingering. It was a full, raw, immediate tongue-twisting. She did it passionately, and Daniel felt in heaven, like a gulp of fresh air after miserable weeks of suffocation. It was not even 1% of all the dirty urges running through his mind.

Her fingers moved to the back of his neck, seconds later pulling the grown hair there, just enough to send a shiver through his spine. He moved mindlessly, his hand going down to the low of her back, just to bring her closer.

At that moment, all the tension evaporated and became something else. He couldn’t recall what the argument was about, it was very behind in time now. All that mattered was that she was there, kissing, and kissing and kissing as if her life depended on it. And he was there for it, body and soul.

It had been ages since they had kissed like this. Ages. The realization only made him dive deeper into the moment. Enjoy every fucking second.

It was almost painful to break apart for air. He couldn’t help to fall in the momentum, depositing soft kisses on the corner of her mouth, so perfect, following her jaw, the spot below her ear, and the one on the curve of her neck. The motion had an instant effect, having her curving into him, for his lips and only his lips.

“Fuck”, he hissed against her neck, because he knew he should go slow. Be patient, be patient, be patient, his mind sang. The mantra he had in his head for the last months. But it was so hard (no pun intended). And his mind was running out of thoughts as the blood there rushed to somewhere else, “I missed you so much, you know?”

“Hm”, she murmured with a low groan, her arms coming over his shoulders as she molded onto him.

“All these days away”, he said between soft kisses, trailing down to her collarbone, “It fucking kills me.”

When he hit a sensitive spot he adored, right in the curve of her clavicle, being drawn to there like a magnet, she let out a whimper. Too loud for their taste. It made them both startle and freeze. Nate might be sleeping like an angel, but Melissa was upstairs too.

Daniel swallowed, a bit dizzy, and deposited another quick on the spot before moving to face her, a breathless mess.

“Merda,” she murmured, panting, her hands tightening a bit around his shoulders.

“It’s okay”, he gave her a peck because he couldn’t resist, “Let’s take it slow. I’ll take it slow.”

“No…” she denied with her head, gulping. And: “Please, don’t.”

He furrowed his brows, and then he understood, reading the silent request in their widened eyes. Holy shit.

“Are you…”

“Yes,” she said before he even finished the question, her fingers trailing on the back of his head, “Yes, I’m sure. I’m 100% sure. Just… let’s go to bed.”

She seemed a bit off, uncertain. Not of the act itself, but on how to do it. Daniel wanted to wipe it out away, to show her it was just him – just them – and there was nothing to be nervous about.

“Okay”, he reassured.

He made an effort to take a step back, freeing her from his grip, but his hand soon found hers, their fingers laced together as he led her to the guest room. And once he closed the door, they were back at it again.

Full on. He was careful, though, knowing where this was going and having a bit more self-restraint. He was kind when putting her down on the bed. He was patient in letting her decide when to rip their clothes off. He was very controlled in letting her decide the pace of it all, when to deepen the kiss or when to move their lips elsewhere.

Everything he seemed to have of restraint, tough, Eleonor seemed to have in anxiousness.

Her hands were determined, her eagerness was addicting, and her lips were heaven and hell, a shade of dark red, soft and round. The sounds she made drove him crazy, hovering over her while kissing her bare breast. Then, in a swift and slow movement, he gritted his hips against her—

“Wait”, she panted, opening her eyes wide.

Daniel froze immediately.

“Wait, stop. I…” Her voice was cracked and the witty determination had faded from her eyes. “I can’t. Just… stop, please.”

He blinked, taking one second to regain control over his thoughts, and moving out off the top of her, falling on the mattress, a bit distraught but doing his best to look completely okay.

“It’s okay”, he murmured into the darkness, panting a bit.

Eleonor was so vulnerable now, half naked and looking up with a haunted expression. She brought her hands over her face, trying to cover the tears.

“Come on, hun, it’s fine”, Daniel tried, laying on his side with his head resting on one hand, the other going up to brush her shoulder softly, just the knuckles of his fingers so she knew he was there. And he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I can't do it”, came as a muffled weep, “I'm sorry.”

Daniel’s heart broke into millions of tiny broken pieces.

“Don’t be”, maintaining a safe distance between them, as he kept his voice soft and comforting, “I’m right here”.

She slid her hands out of her face, turning her head slightly to the side to look at him. Her lashes were wet with tears, and he had no idea what to do about it. He wanted to hug her, kiss the top of her head, and tell her everything would be fine. But, before he could bring himself to do any, she whispered:

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

He swallowed empty and nodded.

“Alright”.

She left without looking behind, closing the bathroom door quietly. After a beat, he heard the shower running. It still didn’t muffle the flush sound enough not long after.

+ + +

The next day was Eleonor’s last day of work before the summer break. Daniel tiptoed around her, trying to be sure she was okay to go, but she was irreducible about it.

Supposedly, he would stay a home messing around with Nate, however, early in the morning, standing by the door as he came back from the gym, and watching his wife going around her office collecting her stuff, he thought of something. Something crazy, unprecedented, and surprisingly insane.

“Do you want a ride?” he suggested, trying to sound as if it wasn’t a big thing.

“Hmm, no thanks”, she murmured distractedly, looking for something inside one large book, not finding it, and looking for it in another large book. She had been a bit of avoiding him since last night. “I’ll take the train”.

“Are you sure? The word on the street is that I’m a pretty good driver.”

She stopped in the middle of the room to look at him, a little hesitant. She was stunning, in that academic dress style, glasses over the dark hair in a messy bun she’d probably let loose on the way to the university.

“What about your day with Nate?” she considered.

“Who’s Nate?”

She cocked her head to the side, not finding it funny.

“Oh, come on, we can have our day in Menton as much as here.”

She pressed her lips in a thin line, fingers tapping the book on her hand.

“Okay, if you say so.”

The 20-minute ride was awkwardly quiet, with Els in the passenger seat running through her material, as a student who forgot to make homework trying to finish it before arriving at school.

When he parked in front of the great and glorious Science Po campus, Eleonor grabbed all her stuff and stared at him awkwardly.

“If you two go to the beach, don’t forget to pass sunscreen on him”.
“Hm, okay.”

“And please don’t let him each too much ice cream. No matter how much he insists he can take it, he cannot.”

“Righto.”

“And don’t forget the nap time, or else he’d get all grumpy.”

“All good.”

She turned to the backseat, where Nate was in his baby seat watching videos on the iPad. Els waved for his attention and proceeded to sign long farewells to which Daniel could see Nate replying lazily from the rear mirror, still sleepy it seemed.

Then she turned back to him, already opening the door and stepping a foot out.

“I’ll be out at 3.”

“We’ll be here.”

She drew a small smile and stepped out of the car, walking to a day of work. Was it too needy of him to expect a goodbye kiss or something? Probably. But he still resented it anyway.

But there would be good and bad days, but also numb and neutral ones, Dr. Laura had advised them. And Daniel was starting to identify them very quickly.

At least that wasn’t a bad one, he thought to himself.

+ + +

Menton was a very, very small city. Not much larger than Monaco itself. The design was a classic from the French Cote d'Azur – all the facilities grew along the hills along the shore, where there was a large and busy beachfront between the colorful urban area and the vivid blue sea.

Daniel had been there a couple of times, on other occasions that he had driven Els to work, but never ventured properly in the locality. So that was a time for a father and son adventure, properly.

He turned slightly to the backseat, catching Nate’s attention.

“So, big boy, ready to be an explorer?”

His eyes shone with excitement, the iPad landing on his lap as he raised his hands to ask:

“Like the Paw Patrol?”

“Yes,” Daniel smiled, “Exactly like that”.

+ + +

2–year–old kids, as Daniel has been learning, were the most entertaining human beings on earth. Every time he came home from races, being away for one week or two, Nate always had something new and unexpected, eager to show off to him. And, of course, there was nothing Daniel was more eager to see too.

This time it was Paw Patrol. The only way Daniel was able to take him out of the Netflix on the iPad was by asking questions about the show.

"That's so cool. These cars seem pretty neat” Daniel distracted him while pulling him out of his chair in the supermarket parking lot.

“They really fast” Nate pointed out, jumping out of his seat and climbing out of the car “And they save cats, and the snowbird. And the elephants. And the puppy bird”.

“The puppy bird? No way. So they’re superheroes?”

Nate looked up at him a little taken aback, as if he had never thought of this before, before opening a huge smile and jumping in excitement.

“Yes! Super paw patrol! I want one, daddy!”

“One what?”

“Puppy”.

“Ah.” Oh well “You know most puppies don’t save the city, right? They are a bit boring, only like to bark and sleep all they”.

“I learn him”.

Nate didn’t know the difference between learning and teaching, and it was something so silly and yet made Daniel’s heart swell in fondness.

“But what about all the puppies we have in Perth? At Granny’s? You remember them right”

“Yes! But not”, he frowned, thinking, “dogs.”

Daniel wondered if Els had heard about this yet.

“What does mamãe say about this, huh?”

Nate denied his head, so he hadn’t asked her. So young and already identifying who had the sweetest spot for him. And yet, Daniel couldn’t help but feel a little triumphant. Spending so much time away, he always had this crippling, horrible, and very selfish fear of not being so close to his son, so moments like this eased his ego a bit.

“We must do some research first, I fear”

“Like mamãe?”

He laughed. As they reached the entrance of the grocery, where the carts were parked, Daniel pulled one of them.

“Yes. A bit. Let’s start experimenting, right” he picked Nate up and placed him on the kid’s seat on the cart “Can you handle a little speed?”

“Yes!“

“Formula 1 level or, hold your seat, Paw Patrol level?”

“Paw Patrol!”

“Oh. My. God.” Daniel pretended to be horrified “You’re not ready for it”

“I am” Nate giggled as if they were about to do some mischief

“Okay. But if we get a traffic ticket, we’ll need one of your trained puppies to save us, deal?”

“Deal.”

And then they got into the grocery store, with Daniel walking fast while pulling the car, and Nate laughing with excitement and sometimes instructing him to go even faster. Daniel made calculated stops between the runways, pretending to check the traffic while searching for what he needed. But anytime he stopped, there was Nate tugging on his shirt and asking him to run and run and run. And, honestly, it was embarrassing how he couldn’t say no.

Daniel pushed through the corridors of the grocery shop, Nate in the cart, laughing so loud and so genuine as if it was coming right from his heart. With him being only 2, Daniel didn’t think he knew everything about fatherhood yet, these new findings always left him in awe. Like how could something so simple, such as being pushed at an acceptable speed in a shop cart, in the middle of veggies and refrigerators, provoke such a sweet laugh like that?

If that was one simple thing that’d make Nate that happy, he’d certainly add to a list he had in a warm, cozy part of his heart, alongside running in the beach sand, visiting the F1 boutique in Monte Carlo and Netflix & Chill Ben & Jerry’s. Also, he still struggling to figure out how something so simple as his son’s laugh could make his heart triple-size in a heartbeat, his smile get impossibly wider as if they were sharing a little secret about the good things in life.

He had to take two full rounds at the grocery shop so Nate could spend a little energy and they could properly walk around and collect food for the day.

"More! More!" Nate begged, a sly, adorable smile on his face, eyes shining with excitement.

"Hang on, champion. We need to collect our provisions for the day".

"Okay, champion". Nate reclined back on the seat a bit.

He did frown, though, when he saw Daniel looking at the floaters. Having to get ready so quickly he ended up forgetting them at home. Nate tugged on his shirt to get his attention.

"No need it", he said with that active expression kids have when they want to act like adults.

Daniel arched a brow at him.

"You don't need them?"

He denied it with his head firmly. The point was, that Nate did swimming classes since babies were allowed to do so, but in the last months, it started getting into his head. He did swim quite well, actually, but in pools and surrounded by adults, not on an open beach full of waves.

"Well, I need them", Daniel confessed sternly.

Nate furrowed his brows, a mix of worry and suspicion.

"Daddy don't swim?" he cocked his head to the side, just like his mom.

"No. I'm terrible at it. You'll need to help me with these" he pointed to the shark floaters on the shelf. "Deal?"

“Deal”, he answered with a mischievous look. “Can we get a Paw Patrol floater?”

“Sorry, buddy, I don’t think they have it in here.”

He pouted. “Yesterday?”

Daniel laughed, this time forcing himself to correct him.

“Tomorrow. Yes, I’ll buy you one tomorrow”

+ + +

The day passed so quickly that he almost lost track of time. Okay, maybe he let himself take way to advantage of the afternoon nap at the beach and close his eyes too, however, he arrived in time. 3 p.m. o’clock back at the university.

“Oh, God. No”, Eleonor tapped her forehead with her hand.

Right. That wasn’t exactly the reaction he was hoping for.

“Hello, you too”, he greeted.

“I’m sorry. Really, I completely forgot, I-”, She stopped as a student passed by them and waved, saying something in French. A greeting, apparently, since she replied it as quickly before returning worryingly to Daniel. “A friend of mine had an emergency, she asked me to substitute her…”

Another student passed, this one approaching suddenly, murmuring some excuse to him and Nate and looking at Eleonor with puppy eyes. She drew an exasperated expression at him, answering dismissively. Daniel understood something about “class” and “change” and something’s “structure”. Then the student begged some more, and Eleonor gestured at Daniel while scolding at the guy.

“Pardon, oh, sorry. Sir.” he turned to Daniel, offering his hand, and Daniel greeted him politely.

Never in his life had someone called him Sir. Made him feel 10 years older. But not “retired and sad” older, but “drinking coffee while observing the movement on the streets from his house’s window” older.

“I’m sorry to interrupt. It is that your wife is the only person on this campus who can save my diploma.”

“No, no, none of that”, she corrected him with the same face she used to correct Nate whence tried to lie about drawing on the wall, “Listen, I’m busy now, Mr. Clément.”

Clément? Daniel had heard about him. From out-deadlines, work delivers an “outstanding” argumentation skills. From the way Els talked about him, though, Daniel imagined he was, like, 15. Very smart, if only he was more disciplined, she used to say. To be honest, he never quite wrapped his mind around the fact she taught grown, masters and doctorates pursuing adults.

To be fair, she did talk about them as little kids.

“But would you look at it, just one second, please”, he took a paper out of his bag and handed it out to her, “I redid it. The best work in this university you’ll see.”

“Wait. You’re Clement?” Daniel joined the talk, and, as the guy nodded a bit confused at him, Daniel smiled, “How’s the gladiator's project going?”

He let out a humourous laugh.

“Oh. I'm a celebrity for this, you know. Very good.”
“You know, I get a bit of it”, he lowered his tone, as if telling a secret, “being Italian myself.”

“What! You have to let me interview you for my search, Sir. Mrs. Ricciardo, you never told us your husband is Italian.”

She looked at them both startled.

“What a shame, Els. And the poor guy is in need of some gladiator samples.”

“Can you adopt me, please?”

“Okay, stop it”, Eleonor intervened, “If you want me to revise this, look for me in the amphitheater at 5. Maybe I’ll take a look.”

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

“Maybe”, she stressed.

“Thank you. And thank you, Sir.”

Daniel didn’t feel like he did anything, but he smiled nonetheless. It was nice to be somewhat useful and see some career progress beyond his eyes.

“I’m sorry”, Eleonor turned to him once Clement was gone, sounding tired, but bemused as well, “Sometimes this looks like a high school.”

“It’s okay”, he nodded softly, “You were saying…”

“Oh. Yes. She asked me to replace her today in”, she glanced at the watch on the wall,” ten minutes actually. She helped me so much I couldn’t turn her down.”

“Don’t worry, it’s totally fine”.

She blinked, surprised.

“Really?”

“Yeah”, he shrugged.

“But you and Nate must be tired, no?”

He looked to one side then the other, wondering what she meant. Wondering when he became so terrible at reading her.

“We can watch it too no?” he blurted out the idea as soon as it popped into his mind, suddenly excited about it.

“Uh. Can, you can. But… are you sure?”

“Yeah, why not? You come to see me racing all the time.”

That rendered a little smile.

“Not exactly the same.”

“It's the same. My work, your work, whatever.”
“It’s a discussing lecture for the master's program”, she clarified, kind of a warning, “About ancient Greek Epigraphy.”
“That… sounds absolutely thrilling.”

She made a face.

“What? Don’t think I’m ready for this advanced class?” He meant it as a joke, but she retreated a bit.

“Not what I meant…”, she muttered, averting his eyes, “Just that it won’t be fun.”

“Oh, don’t you dare underestimate the recreation of Greek epistemology”.
“Epigraphy”.
“See? I already learned something”

Having a lecture from the Classical Studies Master’s program of Science Po wasn’t exactly how Daniel imagined starting his summer break. But, hey, wasn’t it kind of fun? Maybe because he had hots for the teacher, perhaps, but it was interesting.

Nate sat by his side and one of the students lended him a paper and a pencil that kept him entertained for approximately 20 minutes. So Daniel has to leave to take a walk and distract him a bit around the corridors. They ended up looking at a Fossils exposition in the History department and, when they came back to the lecture, the symbols were way more complex and Daniel felt he’d definitely fail the tests.

When it ended, Nate went jumping the steps down the hall to the platform to show Eleonor his drawing.

“Wow. You learned all this?” she smiled with surprise, then raised her glance to Daniel, signing as well, “I’m surprised you two didn’t fall asleep”.

“You were brilliant”, he said. And he meant it. “Now I feel kind of bad for trying to drop out of university and seize the day when we met”.

He didn’t mean it as a joke. but it made her laugh so he took it.

On the car back home, Nate fell asleep as soon as Daniel hit the highway. Eleonor sat quietly in the passenger seat, pulling on her blazer again because of the AC. The sunset over the Mediterranean Sea ran outside the coast and, after a long while, he thought she might be asleep too, but she broke the silence by saying:

“Why do you want to go to Brazil?”

It took him by surprise. He thought that was a dead subject. He looked over at her, surveying the tone of the question. Strangely, she seemed tranquil, a bit reclined over the car door, head resting over her hand and knees slouched over the seat.

“Well”, he cleared his suddenly raspy throat, “I just thought a change of airs might be good. But we don’t have to.”

Honestly, after that day, he’d be happy just staying at home the whole break, maybe venturing to southwest Italy on the 20 minutes of road after Menton, if that made things go back to normal again.

“I know…” she said calmly, “I just want to know why.”

His eyes flickered from the road to her again, uncertain of how much to reveal.

“Well. Uh… It's been a… tough year, right?” He focused on the road ahead, that would do, “And, in spite of all of this, I get excited thinking about going to Perth in winter. To see my parents, to... not be surrounded by French people. To have somewhere familiar, and comfortable, you know?”

He noticed her nodding from the corner of his eye.

“And when we're there... you seem to get a bit more relaxed too. And, also, Nate adores the ranch. I don't see us living there now, but I definitely cannot go over a year without coming back, at least for a while. And then I thought about, how I think you… don't have that.”

He said the last part carefully and lower, almost afraid of what her reaction would be. When she didn’t say anything, he kept going.

“You told me you left when you were 18, so that's more than 10 years ago. And, of course, I'm not reducing the whole situation to this, but I think maybe you're a bit homesick. I mean, you know my family loves you, of course. And we have an actual house in Australia, which I feel great about, but I don’t think it’s the same as visiting your home country, right?”

Once he started rambling, he didn’t stop. He kept his tone light, trying not to make a great deal out of it.

“I mean, I lived in Italy for many years, once, and yet, when I go back there it doesn’t… heal my inner child or anything. It’s lovely, but… not the same. I think…” he hesitated, “I think you deserve this. Don’t you?”

She opened her mouth to answer and then closed it a second later. He could see the engines working inside her head, the ones directing this conversation in a different way than the last time they approached the topic.

“You know there’s a reason why I don’t go back there”, she stated, lowly, almost ashamed.

He nodded, not dismissing the issue.

“I do.”

“And…?”

He considered the right words.

“I understand it, I always did. But maybe…” he exhaled, “Maybe you’re not seeing the whole picture? Brazil is a huge country. We can plan a trip to only see the good side of it.”

She eyed him carefully.

“You look really optimistic about it.”

“Maybe I’m just desperate.”

He let out without thinking and regretted it immediately. He looked over to Eleonor, who seemed a little bit taken aback, her lips pressed in a tight line.

“Okay”, she whispered.

“Okay?” he furrowed, confused about what she was agreeing to.

“Yeah, we can go”, she elaborated, “A few days there and then Perth if that sounds right?”

Daniel stared at her gaping, completely at a loss.

“Daniel?”

“Yeah. Okay, right. That sounds amazing.”

She nodded with a neutral expression. He knew it was a big step but at the same time a very small one. For a moment, he wondered if this subtle change had something to do with the last night's incident. And still, he couldn’t help but feel he was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Chapter Text

“Oh my God! What is that?” Eleonor asked after the initial shock upon entering the bedroom, her mouth a bit agape as she didn't quite get the scene.

Daniel was posing in front of the closet mirror only in Hawaiian swimming trunks, very graphic. He had bought those when they went to his birthday party in Hawaii, years ago. He looked thin but toned up, plus all those marked muscles and tattoos (kudos to her name on the inner side of his right thigh, a place her mouth had wandered countless times), and- where was she again?

“Found those in the back of the closet”, he put his hands on his waist, flexing his body to one side then the other very sinfully, “Looks appropriate for this trip, don’t you think?”

No way she was going to let him exhibit himself like that. Eleonor swallowed a lump in her throat, looking away from the vision and heading to her side of the closet.

“You’re distracting yourself by finding this old trash. You should’ve finished your bags already.”

“This is not trash!” he protested, offended to the heart, completely ignoring the important part of her statement, “It enhances my sex appeal. The best 40 bucks I’ve ever spent”.

She rolled her eyes and proceeded to go find her old black swimsuit, trying not to think too much about the semi-naked high-performance athlete behind her. His clothes were a mess in the bed, which was ironic since he was always the one crazy about flight hours and check-in stuff.

“I have the whole day, still…” he commented over his shoulder, making poses now.

“You do not. We have dinner at night”

“Dinner? What dinner?”

She turned to look at his face, genuinely confused. He couldn’t be serious. But he was, looking at her with furrowed eyebrows and a questioning look.

“Scotty and Chloe…” she prompted

“Ah! Oh, crap”, he muttered, arms falling on the side of his body, suddenly serious. It almost hurt her heart a little bit. “It’s today?!”

Yes. And it’s not like they had to confirm the presence three times in the last two months. Ah, thank God, there was the swimsuit. She held it tight to her chest and turned to walk out, but there was Daniel coming at her with his bare, muscled chest at full display.

“Shit, I completely forgot. Now my bags are gonna be a mess again”

“It’s at 8,” she remarked quickly, taking a step back and meeting the wardrobe right away, “It’s okay”.

He made a tired, frustrated noise, and scratched his forehead. There were wrinkles on the sides of his eyes that weren’t there months ago, a sign of time and tiredness and maturity. She let out a breath. He focused his honey gaze on her.

“What?”

She blinked.

“What, what?”

“You have a…” he pointed at her face “That look. You’re thinking something.”

Oh. Oh, she definitely wasn’t.

“I’m just thinking at how much work it’ll be for me to translate everything for you”, she lied, putting her mind on the right track.

He barked out a deep laugh, genuinely entertained.

“Nah, don’t you dare” he pointed an accusing finger at her chest, “You’re one of us now. A foreigner.”

He spoke the last word with a mischievous intonation that made her brain stick to it, her jaw drop a little with the verge of indignation.

“What?”

Daniel just raised a brow at her, his classic unbothered and known-all demeanor.

“You don't even speak in Portuguese with Melissa. Or Kelly.”

“Well…”, she started, indignation, but for some reason, she couldn’t think of a counterargument for that, “You don't know that!”

“Do you?” he prompted, a ghost of a smile already forming on his lips.

The threat of that winning sunshine grin made Elonor press her lips together with defiance.

“Melissa came here to practice French, anyway.”

He laughed once again. The sound made Eleonor’s heart get warmer. They were just one step away from each other. They were talking about something light and funny for the first time in weeks.

“Don’t you think I don’t realize you use Portuguese only to speak baby words with Nate and to curse?”

She wanted to smile too, despite his sass. More than that, she wanted to reach her hand up and touch his bare shoulder, pull him closer, and pour out all the turmoil feeling of her heart.

“I do not.” she leaned a bit on the wardrobe behind her, just for support.

“If you say so”, Daniel shrugged, making no effort to lie decently.

“I do not!” she repeated with more intonation and determination.

“All right”, he crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his chin up. “Say something for me, then. Something nice.”

She considered for a moment, strutting. And then, opened a sweet smile.

“Você é um idiota.”

Daniel’s pose fell off all at once as he let out a laugh.

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy. You just called me an idiot.”

She gasped, dumbfounded, dropping her hands on the sides of her body.

“How did you know?”

“Uh. We’ve been together for 8 years, it’s enough time to learn all the bad words in Portuguese.”

That rubbed something in her. Sometimes, it seemed like forever. Forever and still.

“No way. I don’t buy it”

“Fine. Hm, let’s see”, he looked up to the ceiling, thinking, a smile on his lips, and started counting on his fingers, “Cacete, que merda, caralho, não me fo-”

“Argh! Okay, stop, stop, stop”, she covered her ears, horrified, and then muttered: “I’m such a sailor mouth, ain’t I?”

His amusement was written all over his face. He reached a finger to tickle the side of her belly.

“It’s adorable, really.”

“Ah, vai se ferrar!”

She tried to dodge, to the side, but he took a step in the same direction to block her from running away.

“Okay. Imma screw me”, he proudly translated.

“Oh you’re impossible”, she muttered, averting his eyes and looking at the wooden ground because yes.

When she looked back at him, Daniel’s expression had softened in a way she only rarely saw – when Nate was telling him something he found fascinating, when it was Sunday off-season and they woke up together late in the morning, and when he was worried about someone he cared about.

“Are you all right?” he asked, lower and more serious than their previous talk, “About tonight?”

Eleonor took a deep breath. She knew she couldn’t lie, not for him and not about this, so instead she settled for a shrug.

“It’s Chloe and Scotty”

“Right”, he drew a small smile, “It’s Chloe and Scotty”

She returned the smile, something getting lighter inside her. She let out a breath, he waited, and maybe it was the whole familiarity and coziness of that morning that made her let of some restraint and open up to say:

“I love them. I really do.” She stopped, he nodded, she continued. “But the whole mega event things makes me a bit…”

“Oi, mate!” Came a voice from the room that startled them both “What are you doing hiding in here?”

Daniel’s confusion lasted one second until he recognized the voice and his eyes widened.

“No, mate, don’t com i-”

But it was too late. Michael entered the closet and soon was frightened by the semi-naked-Daniel vision.

“Ah! Oh My God!” He got divided between turning back and covering his eyes “Oh My God what is that?”

Daniel let out a defeated exhale and Eleonor threw him a look of “I told you so” as she took the cue to move on with her errands.

“Make him throw this thing out”, she said as a farewell.

+ + +

Kelly lived just down the street. Not in La Condamine, though, but a few blocks away in Fontvieille. So Eleonor just jogged there, in her short jeans, Enchanté t-shirt, and Havainas, just 10 minutes under the sun to get her breakdown out.

“So the elephant in the room hasn’t been addressed yet?” Kelly asked with a judgemental arched brow.

“No! And it won’t be” Eleonor rebuked sitting on the other side of the kitchen counter, already stressed enough, fiddling with her glass of one tip of red wine with half a can of ginger ale, “I can’t handle another crisis.”

“But this is going up to your head!”

“I know!” she cried, slouching on the counter.

“I doubt you will have fun on the trip thinking about it all the time”, Kelly went on. Unlike Eleonor, she was rational and more all-together. At the moment, waiting for her just-done nails to dry up as they got ready to leave for Croatia. “Just think that the longer you wait, the worse it’ll be”

“But I can talk later…”

“When? In Australia? Or, worse, in Spa? When he-”

She stopped abruptly when steps approached the kitchen and, a second later, Max appeared by the door. He seemed surprised by the scene, calm and collected as always.

“Hello, Eleonor”, he greeted as he went to the fridge.

“Hi, Max”, she murmured, a bit embarrassed for some reason.

He eyed Kelly awkwardly, his girlfriend averting his eyes and deliberately looking down at the marble, suddenly finding it very interesting. Max slowly opened the refrigerator and took out a jar of cold water. He went to the sink to pour into a coup. Meanwhile, Kelly looked up to her pressing her lips in a thin line, as if to stop her from spilling something.

Max looked curiously at the two of them, silent as tombs, before walking out of the kitchen.

“You mad at him?” Eleonor asked once they were alone again.

“Yes! Jesus…” Kelly pressed one finger on her temple, exasperated, “He’s been letting the wet towel on the bed again! As a teenager”

“Oh, poor thing”, Eleonor smiled, taking another sip of her drink, a bit entertained by the distraction. She had gone through this phase once too.

“It is driving me nuts. Can you believe last night he almost ruined my long-staple Egyptian cotton sheet?”

“No… not the Egyptian one!”

“Right! I almost sent him to the couch.”

Eleonor smiled nonetheless. Petty domesticity is a hair-pull issue but it always gets you some very good laughs late in history. She would never forget the battle for the great painting in the living room – the recreation of The Goldfinch or a real-size picture of the bull from the Red Bull Ring. The times they had to play Monopoly and the loser would do the dishes. Or when they had to play rock-paper-scissors to use the TV during that horrible month when Ancient Aliens passed at the same time as UFC Fight Nights.

“Wanna tip?” she suggested, “Bet on stuff. It gets them really dedicated”.

Her friend looked at her knowingly. They have known each other long enough to share enough couple-life tips that Kelly didn’t need to ask further. Instead, she returned to the first topic.

“Listen, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, really.” she encouraged with a reassuring smile. “Remember when we met? I thought your name was Missus”.

“Oh yeah”, that brought a flush to her cheeks that definitely didn’t come from the wine, “That”.

“And between us, come on…” she shrugged a bit, a yellow smile. “It’s Daniel.”

Eleonor shrank into her chair. Just thinking about it let her head spin. She knew it was Daniel (for God’s sake, her Daniel), but still. Still, the unsureness of spending two weeks basically all alone with him didn’t have the same effect it had before. And that scared her. It scared her to death.

“So”, Kelly tapped on the marble decidedly, “Go there. And have fun”.

Eleonor made a frown.

“Simple as that?”

“Yeah. Simple as that. You two need to-”

She stopped again when Max came back to the kitchen, a glass empty in hand. He side-eyed the girls as he went to the fridge to pour himself more water. The silence was thick as the water fell, Kelly throwing Eleonor an annoyed look.

“Don’t you have a bottle or anything?” she murmured without looking back at him.

Max's eyebrows went up and he almost jumped to her side, looking pointedly at his girlfriend.

“Oh. So you’re talking to me again?” he mocked a bemused smile on his face, watching attentively for her reaction.

“Just finish your water”, Kelly rolled her eyes.

“It’s good to hear your voice again”, he sounded genuinely entertained.

“Shut up.”

“Music to my ears.”

He finished his water by the kitchen counter by her side, provocating. Eleonor drew a smile at him, as Kelly looked at her giving in. It was clear she wasn’t angry anymore, only preserving her pride.

“So, what’s the world domination plans or whatever we are talking about”, he asked, eyes darting between them.

“Uh”, Eleonor pondered, “I was wondering if you had any recommendation of Egyptian cotton she-”

“Okay, got it”, he got up and was already walking out of the kitchen with a frown that made Kelly laugh, “You two are horrible!”

+ + +

Eleonor hopped on the way back home strutting down the street slowly and distractedly. Trying to appreciate the way.

The sun was shining bright, making her skin hot and a bit sweaty, and the sea down the way was a vivid blue so bright it made her squint. She regretted not having sunglasses or a cap at least. And all the vicinities were somewhat familiar, almost a village of the people they knew. Heading back to La Condamine, she passed by Lewis’ neighborhood, Jenson’s house, and the street where the Massas lived, where she had spent much of her time bonding with the Brazilian neighbors or dropping Felipinho after he went to play video games with Daniel.

She was almost on her street, head down to avoid the burning Sun, when she heard her name being called from behind. She turned to find Anna walking down towards her with a big smile, sunglasses, and a few lots of hopping bags in her arms.

“Oh my God! Hi! Where have you been, darling?” she greeted Eleonor with one kiss on each cheek and raised the glasses to the top of her head to reveal a lit-up expression it almost made Eleonor feel bad for all the hiding and isolating.

“Hey. It’s been a while…”

“A while?” She scoffed, which turned into a sad pout, “You haven’t been to the club or the yachts in months. And it’s summer!”

Eleonor nodded worryingly, opening a yellow smile.

“Just busy with work, you know? And preparing to travel, also.” She added quickly. “Summer break and everything.”

“Oh. Understandable”. She made an empathic face, “We too are leaving for the month, to Brazil.”

“Really?” Eleonor got caught in surprise for no reason since the Massas went to Brazil at least once a year since… ever. “Us too, actually.”

Anna’s chin dropped in a mixture of shock and excitement.

“Oh my God! What are the chances? Where are you guys going to? You have to stay with us in São Paulo, for a day at least. Felipe is racing in Stock Car in a few days”

“Oh…” Eleonor put on a smile.

Here’s the thing: she was probably the greatest remaining Felipe Massa fan in the whole Earth. Like, a really great fan. It was something Daniel used to make a lot of fun of, especially because they met during Felipe’s first year at Williams, a career move most people weren’t putting much faith into, but Eleonor was delusionally optimistic about back in the day. Having to actually not only know him but become a close friend of his family was one of the plot twists of her life. And she remained a fan ever since, even dragging Daniel along to some E-Prix back in 2018. And seeing him race in Brazil, probably with Barrichello and so many local legends would be…

Her heart ached.

“That’s great. Really. I had no idea. But, hm. I’m not sure”, she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, embarrassed. “We’re going to Fortaleza.”

The other side of the country. As far as possible from the south, she was trying to avoid. Thankfully, Anna seemed okay about it. Curious, even.

“Classic, hm”, she nodded, impressed, “Going to the Beach Park?”

Eleonor nodded positively. They moved a few steps aside on the sidewalk to avoid a group of buzzing tourists passing

“Have you been there already?
“No… never.”

Anna was suddenly overexcited about it, moving her bags to one arm only leaving her other hand free to gesticulate and she proceeded to explain like a pro.

“Nate will love it! You’ll see. You know, we took Filipinho when he was si… no, five. Yes, five. It was a wonder. You stay all day, when the sun is setting the kid is knackered and ready to bed. Leaving the night only for the adults, uh. Smart choice.”

Eleonor averted her eyes as Anna wiggled her eyebrows towards her provocatively.

“Oh well… Thank you,” She said, honestly. Because none of those reasons were on Eleonor’s bucket list when choosing the destination. “Really. I’ll talk to Daniel about Stock Car, let’s see. It’ll be in Interlagos?”

“No. In Mogi Guaçu.”

Though she was sure she wouldn’t be going, she felt the need to give this at least, her heart aching.

“We’ll see each other there then. Hopefully.”

“Yeah”. Eleonor breathed in, “Hopefully.”

She sent regards to Felipinho, just like Anna did to Nate, and continued her path home wondering, how on earth, did she get so fucked in the head.

+++

Pre-traveling time was always full-house time. So she came back to Sandrine cleaning the living room carpet, Melissa in the pool with Nate (according to Sandrine), Noemi busying the kitchen, and Michael and Blake chatting with Daniel (thankfully properly dressed now) in the dining room. For sure trying to sneak bits of the Italian food before it was actually ready.

She stopped by to say hello and just let Daniel know she was back. The guys opened big smiles in her direction, she only could manage the casual “hi”s and “good to see you too”s.

Daniel eyed her attentively, moving discreetly to her side while the other continued to try to bribe Noemi into giving them samples.

“All good?” he asked softly, loud enough only for her to hear it while leaning with one arm on the kitchen counter.

No, she thought.

“Yep”, she said, “I’ll, hm, just finish the bags.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, not convinced, but she was already moving to the guests’ room down the hallway.

She sat on the edge of the bed, hands on her knees and breathing in and out. One minute later, the door opened with a click and she looked up to find Daniel looking seriously at her.

“Els…” he murmured in that disappointed tone.

She exhaled. The weight of dozens of couple’s therapy sessions was heavy on her back. The swirl of hundreds of things bothering her was suffocating in her throat. And Daniel was coming and crouching down in front of her, those bright honey eyes looking right into her soul so heavily…

“I met Anna on the way”, she let out, barely a whisper and, yet, almost a blurted confession. “She said they’re going to Brazil now too. She invited us to see Felipe on Stock Car…”

“Oh”, he nodded slowly, no quite getting it at first, but soon enough the realization hit him, “Is it in São Paulo?”

She moved her head in a silent yes.

“Oh. Right.” He seemed a bit thoughtful. “Well, we don’t have to go. Let’s just stick to the plan.”

Simple like this? She thought with a bit of resentment for some reason.

“Really?”
“Yeah. Do you…” he looked like a puppy trying to hide his excitement, “want to go?”

Yes. She loved racing and she loved Stock Car. But the stress that would be involved maybe wasn’t worth it so…

“No. Not really.”

“Then it’s settled”, he nodded, clear as a bell, “We’re going only to have fun, aren’t we?”

She conceded this. Daniel cocked his head a bit back as if to take a better look at her.

“We’re not going to bump into them”, he assured, carefully, “I promise.”

She had no idea of how on Earth he was so sure of it. And there was a time that she would believe him, nevertheless. But that didn’t happen now. No matter how hard she wanted to.

“Listen, about earlier. When idiot Michael walked in on us”, he muttered, a strain of anger mixed with worry, “You were saying-”

Daniel seemed like he was going to say something else when his phone rang in his pocket. Uuh. He made an apologetic expression as he took a look at it.

“Uh… sorry”, he murmured without looking at her, “Just one sec.”

He answered the call getting up and pacing in the room until he was in the varanda. Eleonor tried really, really hard not to feel the insecurity pulling in her gut. She was not going to become one of those women, who wondered why her husband didn’t let her hear it, why he walked away to talk, why he seemed to mask his expression while talking to whomever it was. She was not.

And still. Still.

It was hard not to look and wonder. Daniel looked rather uncomfortable on the other side of the blurry glass. And Eleonor hated herself for all the speculation that ran in her head, but, most of all, to her unconscious need to sneak in and pry. But she didn’t, she wasn’t that far down yet.

“It was just work”, Daniel murmured distractedly upon returning to the room.
“Right”, She answered, rather too quickly and high-pitched, earning a confused look on his part.

“The guys want a debrief in the afternoon, to talk about the post-summer plans.”

There he was, the pressing justification.

“Okay”. She nodded, feeling weird and sick of herself.

Eleonor pulled her hair over her shoulder and tied it in a low, messy bun, trying to whisk the sudden heat. There was no sane reason to doubt him. For God’s sake, it was Daniel, her Daniel.

So she smiled and nodded and ignored the feeling that they were very far away from each other.

+ + +

After so many weeks of tiptoeing around each other, neither Eleonor nor Daniel had much choice regarding that night’s event.

Daniel’s formal clothes were all in their… she didn’t know: former, old, original room? Whatever. Upstairs. So she had the spare room to get herself physically and mentally ready.

Eleonor put on one dark green silk dress she hadn’t worn yet, that luckily fit right well on her body and had a charming, deep, and a bit exaggerated bareback neckline. She lets her long black loose in soft waves and settles for delicate makeup. When she gathered her purse and went to the living room, Daniel was ready already, in his fresh black tuxedo, standing by the entry and looking down at his phone.

“Ready”, she announced, catching his attention.

He glanced up and, it might have been just her impression, his eyes widened a bit. He opened his mouth but ended up just sucking some air instead of saying something. Eleonor clutched her purse tighter between her fingers, nervous like a teenager.

“Are you ready?” she asked, unsure.

He blinked.

“Yes! Yes, uh. It’s just”, his hand fell on the side of his body at the sudden loss of words. He swallowed empty and straightened his shoulders. “You look… stunning”

The blood instantly rushed up to her cheeks. They had gotten out together probably a million times by now – held hands by the door, kissed under the porch, got late due to quickies, and everything in between. But this…

“Thanks”, her lips clever up softly, “You too”.

This seemed like something they hadn’t reached yet. The lingering silence under the dim light, the soft buzzing of the TV that Melissa had probably let on. His jogging shoes were on the ground and the blazer she used to work on the wall. The other day’s discussion hung heavy between them.

“Allons-y, then”. He gestured for her to take the lead toward the door. And she did.

+ + +

Scotty and Chloe had been engaged for so long everyone was more than ready for that party. They were on the top of a hill, with the breeze blowing and the sound of the sea down in the city. There was club music, an extensive menu of booze, and endless food passing around at trays.

Eleonor found herself a bit taken aback at the number of people. Not that she didn’t know they were popular, but because in the last months, she had been a pathetic stay-at-home ameba, so… She may or may not have scooted a little closer to Daniel right after the entrance and upon meeting that crowd.

“Oh my goddess, you came!” it was Chloe, enveloping Eleonor in a tight hug in a blink of an eye.

Eleonor couldn’t help but smile and relax after the initial shock. Chloe was stunning, of course, with a lace white dress, sparkly makeup, shiny eyes, and a radiant smile.

“Of course I did”.

“Oh, come on, we are playing Never Have I Ever on the bar. The guys are over there” she told Daniel, pointing at somewhere further back on the tables, already taking Eleonor’s hands.

Before she could think about it, Chloe pulled her away, interlacing their arms together and guiding her to the bar where the girls were already starting the party. She recognized Valeria and Taylor from previous mega parties, and Sean’s wife from all their times in Australia. The girls were hyped up and greeted her with celebratory raises of their glasses that reminded Eleonor of how long she hadn’t been in an event like this.

Maybe it was an elder spirit that made her sit beside Chloe’s mom and try to drink the least possible. It was a blessing that none of them knew enough about her past to make assertive inferences, plus the fact that she had never: gone to a trip club in Mykonos, flirted with an Italian, nor got called out at the Marina Bay Sands.

Half an hour later, most of them were more than just tipsy and Elenor was still, in the same first glass of cocktail as the conversation shifted to the wedding ceremony preparations.

“We settled for May”, Chloe told her with a grin, “So mark your schedule, Ms. Dr. Academic Busy!”

“So everything is set up, I imagine”, Eleonor smiled, taking a sip of her Mimosa, sparkly and citric.

“Oh, not everything”, Chloe lamented, taking a step closer to confide in a distressed whisper, “I had a problem with my dress”.

“No…” Eleonor gasped.

“Yes. On my part problem, I mean. All the stores suck, I can’t find the perfect one”, she pouted sadly

“Oh, Chloe…” Eleonor sympathized, Her expression lit up when she had an idea. “Wait, you should get it done for you!”

Chloe made a thoughtful expression with questioning.

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s really special, just the way you dreamed as a little girl, you know? A special thing for your princess day, exactly the way you wanted”.

“Well, that seems wonderful, I just don’t know if I can trust a designer for this”.

Eleonor was almost pouting in lament when the idea came to her mind.

“Oh! You should talk to Kennedy”.

“Who?” she frowned.

“Kennedy! She’s working for, uh, I forgot, some fancy designer in Paris. She’s Charles’ girlfriend. Charles Leclerc.”

“Really?” Chloe’s face turned excited once again, “I don’t think I’ve ever met her”

“Oh, she’s lovely, you two will get along really well. I can get you her number”

“I’d love that. She made your wedding dress?”

“Ah, no.” Eleonor laughed. When she got married, Kennedy was probably in high school. It made her feel strangely old and nostalgic.

That was five years ago, her wedding. She couldn’t help but think about the man who was on the altar that day, just somewhere across the room now, drinking whiskey and laughing along with the guys. They had matching wedding bands on their fingers and just so much in between.

But the party kept going nonetheless, with loud music and bubbly drinks. And the speeches! Oh, the speeches… Eleonor was sat alone by the bar, still, while Scotty got up on a little stage to thank everyone for coming and dump beautiful confessions about his fiancé. She watched with a poetic melancholia, so concentrated that she jumped when a voice came from beside her.

“They are so in love it’s almost cinematographic”

She put a hand over her heart to cover the jumpscare. It was Pietro Bachi, one of the members of the small Brazilian-millionaires community of Monaco. She knew him back from Chloe and Scotty's crazy-rich adventures.

“Oh”, she smiled flatly, not sure what to answer, “Yeah”.

“It reminds me of that passage from Hamlet, you know?”, he commented, a glass of champagne in his hand while he looked over to the crowd (a bit dramatic), “when he climbed up to her window in the middle of the night”

Eleonor smiled with surprise with such an odd but pleasable topic.

“Right! It does look like it, actually”, she nodded along, “Did you know that in Hamlet, he getting kidnapped by pirates is the most normal thing to happen? It reminds me a bit of Scotty too.”

Pietro laughed, a bit exaggerated to her joke, but okay. She took a sip of her drink, not very comfortable with the interaction.

“Not many people around here get these classic Scottish references” he arched a brow at her, as if they were sharing some secret code.

Eleonor blinked. All he could think of was: Hamlet was Danish, it was that Macbeth was Scottish. But she pressed her lips on a thin line, figuring it would be a bit rude to say it. Meanwhile, Pietro opened his mouth to say something else, but it was interrupted by Daniel’s sudden appearance in between them.

“Oh, hi, honey, look at what at I found for you”. With a yellow smile, he showed her a glass of a red drink.

Eleonor frowned, accepting it a bit confused. It smelled like an average red whine.

“What is it?” she asked.

However, Daniel was too busy to answer, looking at Pietro with his jaw set and his chin tilted up. He murmured a hey that, for some reason, left Pietro suddenly wary.

“I better get going,” he said to Daniel.

Daniel gave him a very not-warm smile.

“Yeah.” he nodded.
The second Pietro was gone, she turned to Daniel with an horrified jaw drop.

"What was that?" She inquired with indignation.

Daniel was on another planet. He blinked and the distaste of his look was gone, replaced by a bitter pout.

"He was hitting on you." He accused.

Eleonor choked with shock, divided between being horrified or asking him if he was nuts.

"What? He was not." She put both of her cups on the counter under the urge of having her hands free.

"He was. He has a crush on you, since forever", he looked at the crowd in the distance with certain resentment, trying to be the bigger person, perhaps, but she could see the little tantrum in his words, "Everyone knows that".

There was a clear bitterness in his tone and a bitterness towards her. In a way that made Eleonor press her lips in a thin line and her eyes squint murderously.

"Ei!" She protested, pinching him in the arms over the tuxedo and making him finally look at her, "What are you inferring?"

Daniel gave her a mad look, very similar to the one he pulled on after a frustrating Qualy or when she beat him at Monopoly.

"That you shouldn’t give him attention"

She scoffed.

"Are you monitoring my conversations now?"

"What? No!" His eyes widened with alertness "I just don't like him. That's all."

Elenor rolled her eyes, that was ridiculous. As if she would spend a second thinking about a random guy who...

Then it hit her.

She and Daniel were the same. Some random snooper woman from Mclaren answered his phone, and that was all, just like the idiot who approached her seconds ago. She couldn't help but cover her smile with her hand.

"Why are you laughing?" Daniel frowned at her. "You think this is funny?"

"No", she said between giggles under his curious look, "No it's..."

She exhaled, for the first time ever relieved and happy for being an idiot. He was jealous of her and she was jealous of him, come on. She made a disbelieving motion with her head before proceeding to explain.

"It's stupid- I... It's so dumb thinking about it now really. It's just that when you were in Hungary, I called you and-" she felt like an idiot now, saying it out loud, so much it made her laugh, "This woman answered. And I didn't know her and it maybe it drove me a little bit insane, and I apologize from now for being so weird because I know you-"

She stopped upon seeing his face: pure dread.

The realization settled in the dark pit of her stomach making her want to throw up. The silence that fell between them was so thick she couldn't breathe through it.

"Listen, I..." he started but trailed off.

She couldn't believe it. He couldn’t be serious.

Eleonor let out a sharp breath, blinking at the counter before gathering the strength to look at him again. Daniel looked just... tired.

"We need to talk."

She didn’t know how she dragged her feet outside and managed to follow him to someplace in the external area, where the wind was blowing and still she felt so hot and suffocated. All she could do was stay silent, her hands bracing the parapet defenseless as he talked.

Her name was Kayla, and she was assigned to his PR team after some changes in personnel inside the team. She had this habit of taking care of his phone when he was in meetings, and daniel didn’t like it but he hadn’t found a way to bypass it yet. And yes, he suspected she had a crush on him, maybe, but of course, it didn’t mean anything.

"You lied to me”, Eleonor whispered, eyes glued on the dark sea in the distance as she tried to wrap her mind around that absurd.

"No..", he murmured, downhearted and defensive.

"You lied to me…" and that hurt her mroe than she could've wondered.

"No. I omitted a fact because I knew you'd react like this", the volume of his voice went a bit up as he tried to defend himself, a step away from her, "You can't seriously think I'd cheat on you, what the hell".

"I don-" she started and cut herself with a frustrated growl, closing her hand in a tight fist. "I didn't think, but I didn't know what to think also. Like? Like, what am I supposed to do? You travel the world and I know there are hundreds of hot models and rich girls ready to throw themselves at you at-"

"That's bullshit"

"At every corner! While I'm at home, feeling like trash. And, of course, we haven't had sex in months!"

His head snapped up. Maybe because of her high-pitched and resigned allegation.

"This is not about sex." He pressed, suddenly angry.

"I bet it is"

"It’s not! It just happened and I didn't want to upset you.

"Well, you upset me anyway!"

"I'm so fucking sorry" he sank his head in his hand.

"Why." She begged, turning to look at him, to face him. "Why didn't you tell me before"

"Because." He snorted, scratched a hand at the nap of his neck, and shifted his weight from one foot the the other. "There's no way to talk about this"

"Of course there is" she nervously smiled, her heart slamming and the corner of her eyes prinkling with water. "Of course there is, it's what we're doing at this very moment. Which might suck but it's definitely better than leaving me with hundred of nightmares for days!"

Her voice was far from firm but she managed to sound at least a bit rational.

"You don't get it..." he murmured lowly

Eleonor bit the inside of her cheek so hard she felt the metallic taste. There was nothing she could do but look at him and wait for something. For anything.

"This." While looking at the ground, he gestured between them. "Don't happen."

She was taken aback. Feeling it was all her fault. He had no arguments for this.

"I talk, you talk, we get over: it doesn't happen anymore. All right?"

He kept going, and he could as well have punched her in the gut.

"So I'm sorry if I tried to make things a bit easier by covering a stupid annoyance, but I", he let out a breath, looked up as searching for answers in the sky. Looked back at her with sad eyes. "I didn’t know what to do. You are not the person I can talk to about this kind of stuff right now"

She only realized she was jaw dropped when she shut her mouth. Something really tight at the pit of her stomach twisted hard with his words. The worst part was that he was right.

And what more was he hiding from her? What more he didn't feel like he couldn’t be open about because she was too broken to take it?”

"I don’t wanna do this anymore", she confessed in a broken whisper, "I wanna go home"

He nodded slowly, too tired to fight.

It was all a blur: how they said goodbye to Chloe and Scotty, how they grabbed the car keys, how they met Pietro at the exit who opened his mouth to say something and Daniel said a big "fuck you" before anything. But it was all clear how they remained silent all the way home.

+++

Eleonor sat with her knees pressed against her chest, head resting above them as she looked at the midnight city from the rooftop.

She didn’t even have tears to cry that night, only a very deep sensation of loneliness. It made her want to curl into a ball and disappear, but, realistically, made her not get any sleep until she got tired and got up from bed at three in the morning to go upstairs and take some air. Try to look at the stars and get some answers.

Approximately twenty minutes later, she heard the footsteps from behind. She remained frozen in place until her husband's figure appeared in her peripheral vision and sat by her side, just on the next deck chair.

He just stayed there in silence too, for a moment, but of course, he wasn't a silent person. His heart was too big for him to contain his words. And Eleonor knew exactly what he was going to say when he opened his mouth so she anticipated it:

"Don't apologize", she murmured, still curled up to herself. "You don’t need to, you were right"

He remained quiet, which was even more odd. Maybe there was nothing else left to say. Maybe that was what she was dreading the most, that made her say, after a moment:

"Listen, if you want to end th-"

"No. No, for God's sake, Els.” he interrupted, shaken. “Don't even finish this sentence"

She looked at him and his stoic expression melted into something weak and shattered.

"You know I wasn't serious. You know I was freaking out and..."

"I know", she said softly when he trailed off, trying not to affright him. She even managed a small smile.

It was a big, big fight they had at the beginning of the year. It was just a month after she had lost the baby, Daniel was going to Barcelona in just two days and Nate threw his cochlear implants in the toilet. It began as a worried conversation about his preparation for pre-school, but it escalated to a screaming session about nonsense and divorce. After, he apologized a hundred times and cried to her in the late at night, and Eleonor knew that, due to everything that was going on, he hadn’t actually meant it. However.

"I know you weren't serious then. But now things are different. You can actually consider it."

The words stabbed her own heart as she said them. Because she didn't want it to be true but. But she loved him so much she couldn’t stand hurting him like this anymore.

And it got worse when his gaze towards her turned into pure hurt.

"Of course not." His tone was sorrowful.

"I'm not..." she swallowed back some sadness, "who I used to be and I don’t know if I'll ever be again. So. It's okay if you don’t..."

Love me anymore, she meant, but she couldn’t say it out loud because it would be far from okay.

Daniel turned his legs to face her properly. He placed his elbows on his knees in a way that his face got closer to her body.

"I love you," he said, very seriously, "If you ever doubt that, then I'm doing something very wrong"

Something dark and twisted in her heart loosened and got warm at his words. It reminded her of sunny days on the beach, warm midnights under the sheets, and soft kisses on the cheek.

"Nothing changes that. We just need to learn how to love in awful times, okay?"

She nodded because she wanted to desperately cling on to that lighthouse as a hope in the middle of a flood.

"And we'll do it together, and there's no other alternative t-"

She interrupted his beautiful speech by throwing her arms around his shoulders. Daniel's hands came directly to her back, enveloping her in all his hope and trust and some kind of strength that she didn't have. She buried her nose in the crook of his neck, a place that smelled like fresh soap and safety. A few seconds in, he held her even tighter.

Oh. She loved Daniel’s hugs.

"Thank you" she murmured against his skin cold from the wind.

For not giving up. For not hating her. And so much in between. And they still have so much to go through, and so much to learn how to deal with, but they were together.

They had a flight to Brazil the next day and a whole life ahead.

+++

The next day was a full day of traveling. First, a thirty-minute ride to Nice, then a one-hour-and-a-half flight to Paris, followed by some hours of waiting until an eleven-hour flight to São Paulo.

Despite all the nauseous feelings and messed up expectations, she had fun seeing Daniel organize the logistics, seeing in firsthand how true it was what they said about the Dad Airport Mode. Because one thing was him traveling for racing, where there was a huge team taking care of everything, and he just needed to show up in time with his handbag. Another thing was traveling with his family when he felt the urge to act like a tour guide.

It all started back at home when he checked if the front door was properly locked for about a hundred times. Then, he trusted no one else but himself to watch out for everyone’s bags and passports, because of the true trip leader he was.

“You know you only have two arms, don’t you?” Eleonor genuinely wondered, holding the building door open and watching the comical scene.

“I’m perfectly capable of this” Daniel replied confidently while trying to take four bags at a time to the car.

He forgot, however, that they lived on a literal hill, which led to one of the bags rolling down the street and almost getting lost in the harbor, with Daniel running desperately after it and coming back panting as Nate laughed his ass off at him.

Then he had to tell the particular driver how to do his job when parking to pick them up because, according to him, parking in Monaco was tricky and a very hard job for anyone but locals.

The whole plan led them to check in at the Nice airport two full hours before their flight, enough time for him to check the documents every fifteen minutes and stress about the liquids in their hand baggage. But Nice had a small city airport, the true challenge was the gigantic and monumental Charles de Gaulle International Area.

Daniel swore for his life he knew a “shortcut” to their gate and, despite Eleonor being fluent in French, he took the lead in asking for the directions. He denied all of Nate’s requests to stop by the shining stores saying they needed to make sure their gate really existed (?). Guess what, it did. Only then he finally relaxed a bit.

“I hate flight delay” he signed, sat across from her on a coffee table, bouncing Nate on his legs.

“You mean the delay of the flight booked for two hours ahead?” she raised an eyebrow, mocking him.

It was enough time for a coffee. For him to pace back and for by the airport windows, the classic stance of stepping one foot on a chair with both hands on his hips, checking the flights movement outside as the timetable manager, looking to see if their plane has arrived. For him to disappear for a moment and come back with an airport map, giving an unrequested lesson to her about the gates dynamics.

It was fine while Nate was entertained with his whale-toy bubble-maker, but when the soap ended he got all jumpy, asking to go back to see the plane toys they saw in a store on the way there. Daniel took him happily, coming back half an hour later, not only with that said plane toy but a dinosaur-stamped sleeping pillow, a GQ Magazine, an Eiffel Tower shining souvenir, a bag of candy canes, and a waterproof GoPro.

“Mamãe! Mamãe!” Nate came back excited as a puppy, “Super Max!”.

He pointed back to Daniel, who showed her Max as the cover of that GQ’s issue. Eleonor laughed at it. The little one was entertained with his new airplane, while Daniel was equally entertained with his new camera.

“Lando gave me some tips on photography”, he told her as he went through the setting, “Apparently this one is perfect for beginners. Not that I’ll stick to it for long, seeing I’m almost a pro”

“Oh, I see” she nodded and was surprised when he turned and took a picture of her out of nowhere. “hey!”

“Ah, look at this”, he grinned at the result, “You are so cute”.

She almost believed him until he showed her the pic. On the screen, she had he eyes squinted and her lips pouted as she obviously didn’t believe his photography skills.

“Ah, shut up”, she pretended to be mad with no fire behind it.

“Hm. Please don’t be mean to me or this will become a second honeymoon very quickly”.

She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t not be glad at seeing his good mood.

And for the whole trip that day, Daniel let his first big and genuine smile when they got into their seats, visibly relieved.

He filled out both his and hers country entry forms. And Nate (who Eleonor hoped would fall asleep for most of the flight) actually got super electric finding Paw Patrol on the plane TV, making Daniel watch with him. And shout out to him for actually paying attention and getting on board with the episode as Nate signed every ten seconds: “Daddy, the puppy”, “Daddy, look, the bird”, “Daddy, look, super puppy”. And Daniel always responded with “That’s the coolest show I’ve ever watched, buddy”, and Nate proudly imitated the “Cool, buddy”. And Daniel would laugh and Nate would laugh back and it was the most adorable thing ever.

The thing about first-class international flights was how surprisingly hours sat could be comfortable it could be. The ac was cold enough to make them all wear a comfy blanket each. With Nate peacefully on Daniel’s lap and both of them concentrated on the small TV, Eleonor drifted off to sleep in her seat.

She dreamt of a puddle of blood and the worst kind of pain. It seemed to last for hours, the darkness and the turmoil of erupting feelings. Eleonor woke up with a sharp breath, feeling more tired than before.

There was a squeezing hand resting right above her left knee, a tattooed thumb running soothing and distracted circles.

“Hey…” he murmured softly, “Everything all right?”

She didn’t even realize she was leaning on his side, head on his shoulder, before she lifted up to look at him, taking a grasp of the surroundings and immediately regretting it: her head was hurting like hell. She took a quick checking look at her son, peacefully sleeping on his inflatable seat extenders, before letting her head fall on her husband’s side again.

“I’m having the worst migraine”, she told him, eyes almost closing, despite not an ounce of willingness to fall asleep again.

“Oh”, he lowered his voice tone to a bare whisper, “I think we have some pills, no? In the bag?”

She nodded and took way more time than necessary to get up and let him move to grab the ibuprofen and the water bottle. Daniel loved being helpful it was almost ridiculous, but it was one of the things that made her fall in love with him.

“Is it okay?” he prompted and she nodded in response “Need something else?”

One of your world-crushing hugs maybe.

“No, thanks”, she rested against the seat again, “That’s fine.”

The silence fell between them as she waited for the migraine to pass. Any movement was a twinge, so she tried to stay still, despite not being even a bit comfortable. Paw Patrol was still on and going on Daniel’s TV, and he seemed to be finding it very interesting. His silence was a sign she knew very well, he was sorting out the words in his head before letting them out.

And he did, after a while.

“Are you…”, his hands seemed uncertain and insecure as he signed. Their little communication-free world. “Are you good about this all?”

Wow. That was the question, wasn’t it? Because she was so tired, she answered.

“Yes. Just tired.”

“Right. Sorry.”

From the side eye she could see him fidgeting with the blanket over his legs, a thousand words ready to go out, she knew. So, exhaling slowly, she asked:

“And you?”

“Me what?” He blinked.

“You okay?”

He took a moment to consider, seeming taken aback by the question, analyzing her a bit. She felt unease by that because he knew her so well.

“Look, just because I am…”, she looked for the right way to express it, overcoming the harness in her heart to let it out, “having a hard time, doesn’t mean you can not tell me stuff. If you feel like it. You know that, right?”

Daniel was silent for a very long time. So much she thought he wasn’t going to say anything, almost relieved by it, afraid of what would be his answer. But then, he raised his hands and signed:

“I know.” a considerate pause as he looked a bit guilty, maybe into elaborating a bit more, and he went on “I know”.

Chapter Text

[SILVERSTONE, 2014]

Daniel was being ghosted. And he was pissed.

He hadn’t seen Eleonor in weeks! It shouldn’t be bothering him as much as it was. In the beginning, he was cool with it, maybe she was losing interest or something. It wasn’t as if he had asked her to date him or whatever. But now, after she hadn’t answered his calls and barely answered his messages, he was worried.

Daniel was passing around his hotel room with his nerves on the edge. Maybe she was sick. Maybe she was dating someone else. Maybe she was just buried in tests and college deadlines. Maybe… oh. Maybe her family was in town.

Daniel stopped in his tracks, swallowing empty at the thought. Eleonor was a very mysterious girl, always switching the subject or answering vaguely when he asked about her family. The thought made something blurb inside of him in a weird way.

He was young. A Formula 1 driver. A very likely to become a millionaire and, not that it went unnoticed, a very handsome guy. Why would anyone be embarrassed of him? Not that he cared, either. But.

Well, who was he trying to fool? Of course, he cared. That woman had him wrapped around her finger and she had evaporated. Daniel got sick of it, he wasn’t going to give up that easily. So he grabbed his coat, his wallet, and his car key and got out of the room, pressing the elevator button furiously. Suddenly angry, for some reason. But, well, he was in Silverstone for a few days before the race, and Oxford was just forty-five minutes away (thirty in his Porsche), so why not?

Daniel arrived on the campus in a blink, running up to the dorms and blindly reaching for her door, as he had done so many times before. For a second that lasted too long, he wondered if maybe she wasn’t there. Or worse, if she wouldn’t want to see him. Daniel leaned his forehead against the door as the time dragged and he questioned himself where he had done wrong, when the door suddenly busted open and he fell head to the ground.

“Ouch!” If it wasn’t for his quick reflexes, he’d probably have his precious nose broken. But he managed to stop the major impact, falling on his side instead.

“Oh my God! Daniel!” her voice was so sweet. He had forgotten how sweet it sounded, but at the same time, he hadn’t. “What are you doing, you freak?”

“Ouch!” he laid flat on his back, trying to recover at a pretty reasonable pace. “I was moping! Crying because you have forgotten me!”

She scoffed. She scoffed! Right at him. She was hovering over him, hands on her hips, a beanie over her long, dark hair falling in waves. Oh, how beautiful she was with that little haughty face of hers. And wearing leggings like sin, delineating the curve of her tights and…

“Hey, hey!” She snapped her fingers in front of his face, “Eyes up here, buddy!”

“I’m sorry. Can’t quite blame me, can you? I’m a poor boy in abstinence.”

She laughed at him. Actually laughed.

“Do you have a concussion or something I need to worry about? I don’t have money to pay a fine to that fancy team of yours if you don’t get to drive this weekend, uh.”

Daniel, still lying on the ground, relaxed like a baby with a silly smile.

“So you’re watching the races then?”

Eleonor rolled her eyes and extended her hand to him. Daniel reached and grabbed it, but, instead of helping to get up, he pulled her down to him. She fell with a little squint, landing over his chest.

“Hi”, he smiled.

“Hi”, Eleonor replied, softly. She opened a smile down at him, but it wasn’t a bright, radiant smile. But some other kind, one that made him intrigued.

“I’m glad to see you’re alive”, he whispered and he was sincere.

Something he didn’t recognize shifted in her expression. Eleonor crossed her hands over his chest, resting her chin over it, leaving their faces just inches from each other.

“What made you think I wasn’t?”

“You didn’t give me a life sign in weeks”, he moped, “Listen, if you wanted to ghost me you could have at least given me my beanie back.”

The moment her cheeks turned red and his heart responded by racing faster than he did on weekends, he knew he was fucked. Eleonor laid the side of her head on his chest, just for a second, just to hide her expression, and then she was up, sitting on his side. This time Daniel sat up too, looking curiously at her.

“Do you want to grab some coffee?”, she ventured, hesitantly.

“Yeah… yeah, sure”, he tried to look cool, shrugging trying not not to show how relieved he was.

+++

They walked side by side to the campus Cafe Eleonor was obsessed with, which provided a quiet and empty ambiance that left Daniel uneasy on his feet.

“This time in the semester everyone goes to the libraries”, she explained distractedly, a hand on his arm pulling him closer to look at the pastries on display.

Daniel silently leaned into the touch. Her hair smelled like coconut shampoo and she had this adorable habit of clinging onto his arm and taking him anywhere with her.

“Have you finished your thesis?” he asked, curiously.

She denied it with her head.

“I’m still battling with that damned James Joyce…”

“Oh, I hate him”, Daniel muttered, furiously, making her laugh.

“Thanks. I think you and I are the only ones in the world to hate him”.

“Well”, he bumped their waist together playfully, “that makes us members of a very exclusive club, then”.

She asked for a double expresso (classic all-night puller) and Daniel for a pumpkin latte. She laughed at his delusions of Oxford being like Hogwarts, to which he replied saying they shouldn’t sell pumpkin lattes if they wanted to go further from the resemblance.

He went to pay for the bill. She refused, he insisted. She refused again, saying she owed him one. Daniel insisted again saying he had the right to show off his podium bonus a little, which rendered him a look from the cashier and the sweetest laugh from Eleonor. It was usually like this, he making jokes until she was laughing a little too close to his mouth, and for a moment everything was okay. Until they were out of the shop and walking between the trees and benches.

“Listen, Daniel, I…”

“Is it about the Troy Story joke?” he interrupted, a bit nervous

She furrowed her eyebrows at him.

“What?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t laugh, I thought you were having a stroke. Only because I had no idea what the Iliad was. And I thought Troy was just that movie with Brad Pitt. But I know now!”

“Oh”, she laughed at the ground, “No. I didn’t hide from you because you didn’t laugh at one stupid classic joke.”

“Then why was it then? Because I have no idea what I’ve done wrong.”

“No… you did nothing wrong. Ever”, she smiled sadly at him, “I… well. I’m… It's complicated.”

“I'm all ears”

Her lips curved up a bit and she took a look at him then forward to the path back to her dorm again. They followed through a very Harry Potter-esque gove, very quiet with the exception of some passersby with books and laptops in their hands and a few groups sat by the grass.

“I have been, recently, having some trouble with a group of people.” She said, low, almost embarrassed. “And I didn't want you to be involved. It was stressful and, for real, just a bunch of shit. I'm sorry for ghosting on you, my last intention was to make you worried, really. It was... well, just shit.”

The explanation was way too general and shallow for his taste.

“What kind of people?” He side-eyed her curiously, wondering if it was a ‘some douchebags in class’ kind of problem or an ‘I spend the night in jail kind of problem’. Knowing her, he was ready for both.

Eleonor took a sip of her hot drinking, considering her words.

“People from my home city. Calling me like crazy and…” she trailed off, with an exhale. “Well, some idiots, really.”

“I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me?”, he wondered out loud.

“I said it, I didn't want to deal with this shit.”

Daniel stopped in his tracks abruptly, and Eleonor, two steps ahead of him, turned to eye him confused. She couldn't be serious. She ditched on him for this?

“What?” she asked

“You're kidding me”, Daniel accused, suddenly irritated.

“No, I'm not”, she guaranteed, stepping closer, her expression full of apprehension.

“You could just have told me you wanted to sort it out by yourself and I wouldn't intrude, you didn't need to disappear completely.”

She took a deep breath, opening her mouth to explain, but nothing came out, only a lost, blank stare as she didn't know what to say. The feeling hit Daniel unexpectedly and painfully, sick in the stomach. His expression fell.

“Oh. Ok. Okay, I get it.”

“What?” she furrowed her brows, confused and worried, “You get what?”

“It's okay, we can end things then.”

Eleonor watched him blankly for a full second before getting what he meant and turning wide-eyed and nervous.

“Wha- no! That's not what I-”

“It's fine. It's fine”, he tried, despite not being fine at all, “I knew you were out of my league, anyway.”

“Ugh! Shut up! It has nothing to do with it. I- I... oh fuck”. She hid her face behind one hand, a mess. “Sorry.”

Daniel's heart sunk in his chest and he felt bad instantly. He had no idea what she meant, not a clue of what was going on, but he couldn't just stand there while she was like that. So he walked up to her and a comforting hand on her arm, rubbing it over the coat.

“Hey…” he cooed.

“It's not that, I swear. Actually.” She looked up at him. “Actually, I was kinda hoping you would break up with me on your own so I could avoid this. Because I... can't.”

“Why would I break up with you?” He said, horrified.

“Because I'm a mess.”
“Oh”, he let a genuine laugh at that, throwing his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his chest as they began walking ahead again, “Oh, you're the coolest girl I've ever met. If I try to break up with you, you can shoot me in the head.”

Eleonor smiled weakly against his chest.

“Hang on”, he said as it occurred to him, “Are we dating so we can break up with each other?”

She froze.

“Are we?” He whispered after a beat.

“That one hell of a dating purpose, uh” she joked with a weak laugh.

Daniel nodded and then, very seriously and undoubtedly, stopped and started to get on his knee.

“Oh, stop”, she caught his arm to stop him, laughing, “Stop, I…”

Her expression shifted again, from light-hearted bemusing to worry again,

“I guess... If we're going to date I... You should know some things first.”

“Alrighty”, he nodded, “Send it. You're not the Genovia secret heir or something?”

“Ha! I wish…” she trailed off.

She lived in one of the ancient and classic graduate accommodations of Walton Street. It was a tiny and cozy place or a very big one-person bedroom, depending on the perspective. He had been there enough times to make himself at home, sitting at the edge of her bed as she stood up in front of him as if she was about to deliver a speech.

It made him reconsider the things she said earlier if maybe it was something more serious than he thought at first.

“You're making me nervous”, he shifted on his seat, “Is there something wrong?”

“You remember that time we went to Wembley, for the EFL final?”

That was the last time they went out together, almost a month ago. It was a great game, Manchester won the cup.

“Yes..” he said, unsure.
“Well.” she stopped, biting her thumbnail, “We were photographed, right?”

Daniel stood up ready to fight, his mind running to one thing only.

“What happened? Someone is harassing you?”

Her silence was defeating. He swallowed empty.

“Someone is harassing you”, he stated lowly and seriously. It made him angry not noticing it earlier and, worse, not taking her seriously today. And, worse: “Who is it?”

Eleonor looked so defeated. shoulders slouched and a stressed look..

“Who is it” he demanded again, waiting for that last piece of information to storm out the door and take the matters in his own hands.

“Not anyone you know, all right? It's…” she rubbed a hand over her face, tired. “y family.”

Once she spoke, he took a step toward the door, already on his way after whomever it would be, but then he grasped it and stopped, confused.

“Your…” he turned back to hair, slow in movement and thoughts, “Family?”

Eleonor tapped on his shoulder, coaxing him into sitting on the bed again, alongside him this time.

“Yes”, she averted looking at him, “I... They are horrible people. All of them.”

“They are harassing you?” he couldn't fully comprehend it yet.

She exhaled and then picked up her phone out of her pocket, unlocked it, tapped it a few times on the screen, and showed him. It was a messaging app, a conversation with someone named Lucas, and dozens of chats between them, with lots of exclamations and middle-fingers emojis

“This, uh…” Daniel trailed off, a bit embarrassed, hading her the phone back “It's in a language I don't speak.”

She gasped, not having thought about it before.

“Oh. Sorry”, she set something up, the Google translator apparently, and handed him back, now with everything in English. “Here”.

He read everything with caution, not sure what to expect. It took him a few moments, but soon he kept up with that insanity. The guy was calling her all types of depreciating names and acting as if she owed him a million dollars or something for living in England. In the first texts, he was ignored, but after a few missed calls Eleonor started responding to him, mainly telling him to go fuck himself, but it didn’t go quite well,

He looked up at her horrified, but trying to mask it. Families were all complicated, but this…

“I know, right?” She smiled ironically, “That's my lovely brother”.

Daniel was utterly speechless. He could never imagine...

“My father called me as soon as the photos were leaked” he started fidgeting with the bed sheet, avoiding his glance, “They didn’t know I was here in England until then. He had been calling since then. And my stepmother too, more than him even.”

“I'm sorry”, he said. Because... what else there was to be said?

She looked at him and smiled.

“Thank you.”

“If there's anything I can do to help…” he offered, sincerely. “That's a shit way of asking, but if they need money-”

“No!” Her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened. “Never, Daniel. Never! Do you get how embarrassing is this? That's why I didn't want you to find out.”

“But if they need it…”
“They don't need it.” She assured, looking away.

From the way she said, so pained and angry at the same time, he could tell there was way more to it than she was showing.

“They don't need anything. My father is a half-ass millionaire. He…” she exhaled sharply, trying to put her anger aside and explain it calmly. “He is a banker. And investor. In racing, even. He's always going to Stock Car, and F4, and anything in Interlagos basically. You might have bumped into him at some point, likely.”

Daniel felt his brain in a short circuit. It was a shock. This was very far from anything he had imagined.

“They don't want money, they want to humiliate me.”

“Why?” he whispered It simply didn’t make sense. Eleonor was the smartest and most accomplished person he had ever met. She was just 23 and already months away from being a master from Oxford. And when he told his mom about her, she actually responded with ‘Well, you did very right with this one’.

“Well”, her eyes were shining, but not a tear fell as she just shrugged, “I'm not exactly close to them”.

“That's not a reason to treat someone like this,” he stated, blocking the phone to try to ignore the hideous evidence there.

She raised her hand to the side of his face, her thumb sliding on his cheek fondly, so carefully that his heart skipped a single beat. Daniel swallowed empty, trying to think of something to do for her. To make her giggle and have fun again. To make her shine like the sun and take him close.

“It happened that, I wasn't born into the family”, she took her hand back as she explained, “My father cheated on his wife with my mom and when he found out she was pregnant, he discarded her. She raised me on her own, it was just the two for a long time, and... I actually didn't have any idea about any of that crap. Until...

She stopped, swallowing hard. Daniel reached her hand, entailing their fingers together and rubbing his thumb over her dorso.

“Well. When I was fourteen, my mother got sick. Cancer.”

“Oh, Els…” He pitied.

“It got pretty bad really fast”, she continued, “She had to stop working, so you can imagine the mess. I was desperate. And she had always talked about my father being rich and etc. And I had never gotten a scent from him. But she wasn't getting better, and my supermarket cashier earnings weren't helping. So…”

“You called him”, he guessed.

She nodded.

“Imagine the chaos. They refused to talk to me. I had to go to the family court all alone. Took DNA tests, listened to public lawyers, and everything, for weeks. It was humiliating as if I was begging for crumbs and-, she stopped in a shuddered breath, recomposing herself.

He brushed her hand, feeling terrible in front of it all.

“It's okay.” He reassured her, “You don't have to.”
“No”, she inhaled. “It was years ago. It's just... I never wanted anything from him, but my mother needed the treatment, you know.”

“Yeah, sure.” he solemnly nodded, because she was clearly insecure about her reason in all of this.

“And we had nothing. She worked as a maid, I went to public school. I lived in a favela. So I was desperate. And when I won the paternity stuff, the money helped, for a while. But…” A breath, “She passed away less than a year later.”

“I'm sorry... It must have been…”

“Bad? Yes. Almost as bad as me having to go to live with my step-family after that. Almost made me regret going after them before. Long story short, they made my life a living hell. As soon as I got the chance to leave, I left. I got a scholarship from a university in Portugal when I was 18 and... haven't come back ever since. Point is:”

She turned to look at him openly, bravely. Decided

“I don’t want to drag this on you. You are… brilliant” A proud smile at him, “A rising star. You’re conquering the world and the last thing you need is this kind of problem. So, I'm sorry for bringing this to you and... if you want to go, I'll understand. Don't feel like-”

“What.” He interrupted, blinking astonished. “Mate, why do you think so poorly of yourself?”

She stared at him taken aback, surprised by his reaction. Maybe she was insane, from expecting anything else. He wondered what she had been through to being so down.

Daniel brought her hand up and kissed the back of it dearly. They were asking for something she earned as her right, something she used to help her mother, and there she was worried about his career.

“None of this is your fault. I... I'm sorry for everything you've been through. I'm sorry you didn't feel like counting on me. I'm sorry they can't see how smart and brilliant and sweet you a-”

His words were interrupted when her lips crashed against his. It was full and thrilled, her hands against his chest while he went immediately to cup her face, taking it as a blessing. She parted away too soon, her face lingering just a breath away from his. She licked her lips, eyes darting at him.

“Come with me”, he muttered against her lips, falling in again, without thinking too much about it.
Her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Where?”

“To Silverstone.” he gave her another peck, begging for more as her hands climbed up to his neck. “Come with me. As my Missus.”

She let out an amused breath, forehead falling on his shoulder. Daniel never felt so accomplished as he did now for making her laugh.

“Missus?” Her hands caressed the nape of his neck softly.

“Yep.” he smiled, trying to catch her lips once again, like a teenager, “You'll have to get used to the Aussie if you say yes, be warned.”

“Well, for me it's a yes, about that part.”

He gave her a peck that made her laugh.

“About Silverstone, though…” She cocked her head to one side, unsure, the tension resurfacing a bit.

But he wouldn’t have any of it.

“I want you there with me”, Daniel stated very seriously, bringing her closer, to the point she sat on one leg of his, raising an eyebrow at him. “If someone calls you, you can tell them to fuck off. Or, better, hand it to me and I'll take care of it.”

He could see the engines running, the moment she slowly accepted it.

“Don't stress about it, uh”, he slid one hand around her waist, under her shirt, and over the soft skin, his lips pressing against her jaw. “I'll take care of you.”

“Hmm”, She muttered, and he could hear the delightful, world-changing smile in her tone, “You missed me that much?”

“I didn't miss you a bit”, he lied, kissing lower on her neck now.

“So you're just a horny badger then.”

That girl. Making him stop with the foreplay to laugh, throwing his head back with pure amusement. When he looked back at her, still smiling, she had a proud smile on her face.

Jesus, he was fucked.

+ + +

As much as he wanted to drag her back with him to the motorhome, Eleonor said she had work to do and some stuff to deliver until Saturday. So Daniel stayed then – silently entertained by a set of Skittles and the Dumb and Dumber movie passing on the TV while she worked on her computer.

At night, they made sweet, sweet love and snuggled together breathless and shameless.

“Thank you”, she murmured at some point. She had one leg dropped over his tight, her head on his shoulder, and one finger running on his bare chest. “For staying.”

It was dark, and he couldn't see her face properly, but Daniel knew she wasn't talking about the night, per se. So he kissed her forehead fondly, his hand rubbing the low of her back.

“Where else would I go?” he shrugged, simple like that. Because it was.

+ + +

Eleonor was standing on the sidewalk of the Oxford University campus alone and regretting her outfit choice.

In her head, and the paddock, it would make sense, but there, it looked as if she was a Red Bull propaganda girl. With her blue cap and the jersey with the big number 3 on the back, she wouldn't be surprised if people passed and asked her for a bottle of the energy drink. A little part of her felt bad for openly betraying her Williams heart at that moment. However, after how Daniel behaved that week, he deserved much more than that.

So yes, it was embarrassing, but she'd proudly do it for him.

However, she started to sense she made some kind of mistake when the car arrived. When Daniel said he'd sent someone to pick her up, last night over the phone, she expected a taxi or a normal regular-people vehicle, not a fucking Aston Martin.

It stopped right in front of her, the window rolling down dramatically slowly and revealing a guy in the driving seat leaning to the side to speak to her.

“Hello!” he waved with a sympathetic smile, “Eleonor, I assume?”

“Yeah”, she nodded, holding her purse close under her arm, “Are you going to kidnap me?”

“Nah, Imma give you a ride. Come in.”

She did it as she was told, opening and closing the car’s door very, very surgically carefully. The inside was a bit cold from the AC, but very clean and tied up. A true luxury car.

“I’m Blake”, the guy extended his hand to her, and she took it, “Daniel’s manager.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for that”, she joked, “Your job must be pretty daunting.”

Blake pulled his hand back laughing, as he started driving.

“I like you already.”

He seemed a pretty cool guy, close to Daniel than just his manager. During the forty-minute ride, he commented a bit about being Australian as well and working with him since HRT. It was chill and natural, making her think people in Formula 1 were just like regular people and she was nervous about nothing.

That is until they got to Silverstone.

Okay. She knew Daniel was Daniel Ricciardo. She knew he was driving for the current (four times consecutively) champion team, taking the seat that previously belonged to Mark fucking Webber. She knew he just had his first victory and was outscoring none other than Sebastian Vettel, and was a promise to the sport and everything. In fact, when they first met, about three months before, she had asked him for an autograph.

But knowing it from seeing it on the TV was different from seeing it with her own eyes. The reality unveiled itself as soon as they parked in the paddock VIP parking lot and she felt a flock of butterflies in her stomach.

“I guess he’s here somewhere… Let me check”, Blake picked up his phone and seemed to look through his contacts.

But before he could even call, a smiling face surprised them both tapping on the passenger’s window. Her heart took an involuntary jump in her chest, all the nervousness disappearing immediately as he opened the door to her.

“Hello, princess”, he gave her a peck as soon as she was out of the car, then took a full look at her, head to toe with an unbelieving look, “Am I dreaming or you’re in Red Bull’s jersey?”

“It’s a special occasion”, she shrugged, “Don’t get used to it.”

Daniel shook his head, God only knows what was going on inside it. He was wearing a Red Bull shirt as well, sunglasses over his curls – and Eleonor resisted the urge to raise her hand and run her fingers through them.

“Has Blake behaved?”

“A true gentleman”, she nodded, while Blake locked the car and took a turn around it approaching them, “You should give him more credit for the Canada episode, uh.”

Daniel looked over to his friend, purely horrified.

“Traitor!” he accused, “You told her?”

“She’s a keeper, mate”, Blake remained unbothered, “Very wise.”

“Oh, I’m damned”, he muttered, before reaching for his backpack and taking out two VIP badges, and handing it to her. “Here. One is for the paddock, and the other to my garage.”

That was another moment that seemed to pass in slow motion as she took in the grandeur of all that. Even with Daniel being so chill, she couldn’t help but feel anxious. But there was not much time for that, since soon they were meeting another guy and having to head inside.

“This is Stu, my trainer”, he pointed to the guy, also wearing the blue uniform, “He’s not exotic, he’s just from Queensland.”

Stu rolled his eyes but offered her his hand, ignoring Daniel.

“I’m his performance coach. Regretting my life choices.”

“Very nice to meet you”, she laughed.

Once Stu and Blake walked a bit ahead of them, Eleonor discreetly asked Daniel:

“Being Aussie is like a requirement to be on your squad, or…?”

“Pretty much”, he threw his arm around her shoulder mindlessly, “You are the only exception.”

They had to navigate through the busy, busy Paddock, with fans and journalists and pit crew members going all the way. Eleonor was enchanted by the movement, excited with the anticipation of the race. Rosberg had the pole, which asserted Mercedes's newly acquired lead in the championship. But they had no chance, according to Daniel’s optimism moved by his amazing pace in Q3. And he wouldn’t mind Sebastian making some efforts to share a podium with him too, he had shrugged.
“Is that Prince Harry?” she asked as they entered the garage session. She couldn’t take it anymore, it had been hard enough pretending to be cool when she saw Michael Fassbender.

She saw that the second they stepped into Red Bull’s garage. The high-vibes energy was palpable in the air through all the mechanics buzzing and moving around. Everyone was kinda sorrowful for Red Bull’s loss of dominance, but not everything was lost. Clearly, they were ready to fight.

“Come on”, Daniel tugged her hand to pull guide her in, “I’ll show you around.”

Inside the garage, itself, there were almost no regular people, only team members, working, running here and there, checking screens, and greeting Daniel as he passed, with high-fives and chill expressions. He stopped by one guy sitting by one computer.

“What’s up, Jhonnie?”, he greeted, “I’m here to formally introduce you to Eleonor, my missus.”

Her face fell hot suddenly. She wasn’t expecting it. The man turned to them, taking one of the earphones out of his head to pay attention.

“Hello”.

“Eleonor, this is Jhonatan Wheatley. He’s the greatest mechanic on earth, a.k.a., like a father to me.”

“Hi”, she smiled shyly, “Nice to meet you.”

“Blink twice if you’re in danger”, Jhonatan raised an eyebrow very seriously at her.

“Okay. Enough”

Before she had a chance to respond, biting her lip to block a laugh, Daniel was already dragging her along to the next person. Another guy, taking notes on a clipboard next to the car.

“Simon Rennie”, he announced politely as Simon turned to notice them, “The guy on my radio. Simon, this is Eleonor. My missus.”

She recognized him after a bit, from the Canadian Grand Prix a month ago. Sky Sports had shown him in the garage as the most excited person on the planet as Daniel took the lead.

“Oh. You’re the famous Eleonor, uh. Hello.” He dropped the pen on the clipboard to shake her hand, “Welcome to boxes.”

The thought of Daniel talking to all these people about her made something warm and fluttery in her heart. Then Daniel took her to the back of the garage, less with mechanical stuff and more with chairs, TVs, and a table with snacks.

“Han-han. Let me present you to my Missus. Eleonor”, he shoved his girlfriend in front of him with a proud smile.

Hannah Schmitz, drinking coffee by the pantry. It was the first of many of the fangirling moments Eleonor would have over that day. It was the first person Eleonor didn’t let Daniel end the conversation after only a hello.

“I loved the embodiment of the full Red Bull spirit, uh”, Hannah complimented, gesturing to her outfit.

“Just trying my best for this dork.”

“Hey! I’m right here”, Daniel pretended to be offended.

Hannah smiled, pouring some sugar into her cup of coffee.

“He has been embarrassing you around, you know? Saying he was socializing with the enemy by going out with a Williams fan.”

Eleonor pulled an oh-oh face.

“Well, actually…”

“Oh my god!” Hannah was shocked.

“See?” Daniel looked relieved, “I told you she was delusional…”

Soon after, Hannah was called to do something outside, in the pits, and Daniel was once again showing things to her. The place where he usually drank coffee, the place where the mechanics hid candies thinking he and Seb didn’t know, the place he usually sat to rest during Quali intervals, the place where she could get a headphone to listen to his radio during the race, etc, etc. Honestly, it was too much information. An overflow of excitement, and she was happy to be involved in some way. So much that she didn’t realize they had wandered to the other side of the garage.

“Oh my God”, she whispered nervously to him, “I learned my lesson, you don't have to present me to literally everyone here.”

Daniel looked at her as if she was mad.

“Of course, I have.”

And he did. Even to team principial Cristhian Horner.

It was embarrassing, like going to Italy to get drunk and bumping into the Pope on the streets. Daniel had introduced him as “the father of us all”, to which Eleonor replied, without thinking, if that was some kind of kink she wasn’t aware of. Luckily, Horner only laughed and called her the female version of Daniel, amused.

Next was his teammate, to which Eleonor tried really hard to keep her cool, only shaking his hand and saying it was nice to meet him. Sebastian Vettel opened a sunshine smile, bemused, and greeted her before turning to Daniel and saying, surprised:

“So you've found her”, he seemed both genuinely relieved and surprised.

Daniel looked at him accusingly.

“I told you she was real.”

Sebastian dismissed him, looking at Eleonor with a half-smile.

“If you didn't show up, we’d have to send the Coast Guard after you before this guy had a mental breakdown.”

“Oh, this is so embarrassing”, she laughed, unconsciously leaning on the side of Daniel for comfort, “I'm the biggest fan of yours.”

“Ouch.” By her side, Daniel took his free hand to his chest faking offense, “In front of me like this?”

“As if you weren't his biggest fan as well.”

“Righto. Fair enough.”

Thankfully, soon Daniel needed to actually get into work and Eleonor was free to sit by one corner with Blake and just watch everything. I mean, she got distracted a bit when Daniel passed with his racing suit hanging around his waist but, hey, can you blame her?

Later, she got her own headphones, which was the coolest thing ever, just like an F1 TV exclusive team radio but live and with much more emotion, of course. And what a race that was! Kimi crashed. And Felipe had to drift to not crash straight into him, which led him to a DNF. Then an almost very ugly crash between Gutierrez and Ericsson, followed by an amazing overtake series from Bottas. And what a crazy unexpected lead by Hamilton at his home race.

The 52 laps passed in a blink of an eye, and Eleonor spent the entire time holding her breath and feeling her heart at her throat. All because of Daniel, who pushed back from his 8th position, got all messed up because of the red flag and had to change his strategy to a one-stop mid-race. It was crazy to see that pit stop meters away from her, only taking her to the edge of her seat and her teeth chattering with tension.

And it all got way worse in the final five laps, when Button, who was on a two-stop strategy and had stopped way later than Daniel, was avidly chasing him for the third position.

Needless to say, she absolutely busted into celebrations and screams with the results as her boyfriend (!), who climbed all his way from P8 to the podium. The garage erupted in claps and screams and whistles, and Eleonor and Blake shared a high-five, so strong he let out a surprised ‘ouch’ at her enthusiasm.

“Come on”, he gestured to her to follow him a second later, as most of the guys from the team were heading outside.

“Where?” she asked with a huge smile, so euphoric she had forgotten what happened after the checkered flag.

“To see the podium”, Blake furrowed his brows at how obvious it was, “and luckily take some champagne, let’s go”.

Eleonor hesitated. The garage was so comfortable, between walls and in a reserved seat behind a counter. So safe. And she could see everything on the TV…

“Uh. I’m not sure if I-”

“Ah, stop it”, he dismissed even before she finished it, “He hadn’t shut up about you in weeks. If I hear about it once more I swear I’ll lose it. Come on”.

So she went.

It was kind of impossible to camouflage the joy of the whole thing, and her feet practically moved by themselves. She didn’t have any difficulty following Blake through the sea of British flags, just hesitating a bit upon meeting the large and squeezed crowd below the podium. but she hadn’t been to enough parties and concerts back in Brazil to be afraid of a crowd. So there they went, squeezing past until they reached the grid, right by the rest of the team.

It was insane how much joy a sport could give people.

It was insane how even much more joy a car with the number 3 stamped could give a group of loving, united, and spirited team. She watched with pure happiness as he got out of the car and ran to jump right at his crew without thinking twice. The guys hugged him and gave him congratulating pats and Eleonor couldn’t stop smiling at the wonderfulness of it all. She was happy enough that he got alive out of that chaos, but getting an actual podium was fucking mental.

And on that day full of surprises, perhaps the most unexpected one was when he, in the middle of the chaotic celebration, found her eyes in the corner of the crowd. Eleonor’s smile widened if that was possible, and a second later Daniel was right in front of her, giving her a tight hug.

His race suit was wet and warm with sweat, and his helmet bumped into his head in a clumsy embrace. She laughed and patted him on the back. And maybe she should have thought of something sweet and encouraging to say but all she could come up with was:

“You fucking badger!”

And she could have sworn she heard his laugh amid all that chanting and celebrating. He pulled away and she saw the smile in his eyes through his open visor.

That guy.

He blinked at her and followed his way to the champagne party.

+ + +

Thank God Eleonor was a forewarned woman.

Imagine the chaos it would be if she only bought team jerseys and pajamas and had to get ready for a party at the last minute. So she happily settled with a a black silk dress, which ended right above her knees, molding flawlessly to her body, a little tight on her waist and a turtle neck that left her shoulders and back bare. She also took great care of her hair, letting it wavy and flossy, and did full glam makeup. If it was a podium party, it sure required some shine, right?

When she was finished, she sent a message to Daniel letting him know. Two minutes later, he was back from the lobby. The moment he put his eyes on her, he froze. Mouth agape and honey eyes widened.

“What?” She asked, nervously.

He shook his head slowly, speechless. He didn’t seem to notice he took a full look at her, eyes surveying from her high heels, all through her curves, until he locked his eyes with her. There were thousands of butterflies in her stomach, she felt suddenly hot, swallowing empty.

“Wow”, he blinked, “Just… wow.”

She pulled on a proud smile. She for sure wanted a reaction, and that would do. It made her feel fully ready for the night.

“All right, let’s go then”, she walked up to him.

Daniel, however, stopped her with one hand around her waist. The touch only was able to ignite electricity all over her body.

“Hang on”, he murmured, pulling her to stand in front of him. His pupils were dilated and he was uncommonly serious.

“What is it?”, she tried to keep her cool.

Daniel’s hand was holding her back, dangerously low on her bare back. His eyes fell shamelessly to her glossy lips.

“Don’t I get a victory kiss?”

She cocked her head a bit to the side, smiling, her finger dancing on his chest, distractedly.

“You already got one, sweetheart, have you forgotten?”

“Hm… yes.”

Daniel took a step further inside the room, and Eleonor, trapped inside his arms, had no choice but to follow the lead.

“You and your fish memory”, she rolled her eyes, playfully.

“Yeah, it sucks”, he faked a hurt expression as they reached the bed and fell on the mattress with a low thud, his elbows now on her sides as she lay under him, her hair a messy cascade on the sheets, “Remind me again, s’il vous plait.”

He then lowered his lips and kissed the smile out of her mouth. His lips tasted of champagne and sunshine.

“Daniel”, she mumbled against him.
“Hm”, he kept going.

“The party”.

“Fuck it”.

Eleonor let out a low laugh against his lips, using her last ounce of stretch to pull his chest up and put a few inches between them.

“You’re the boy of the night, you can’t be late” she tried to argue.

Daniel wasn’t convinced, leaning down once again, but this time she managed to doge and gain a kiss right at the corner of her mouth.

“Okay, let’s do it like this”, she grabbed his face between her hands, forcing him to pay attention like the ball of sunshine that he was, “We leave now and, when we come back, I’ll give you your podium gift”.

He arched a brow exaggeratedly, lips pouting with surprise.

“A gift?”

“Yes.” She gave in to the urge to pinch his cheeks between her fingers, so fucking cute.

“What kind of gift?” he asked with a chubby voice.

“The sexual kind, of course”.

Daniel fell into laughter, his head falling on her shoulder.

“Hm”, she pondered, “I guess you can’t differentiate sexy from funny. You must have gotten some unnoticed blow to the head today”.

Daniel lifted himself, looking down at her as if she was unbelievable.

“I’ll take my gift”, he made a pushup to give her a quick, chaste kiss, “So I’ll behave”.

And that was the beginning of a crazy fun night.

They headed to a club in the city center and the party was just like she would have thought: lots of music, and high fives, and booze, and more high fives, toasts, dance moves, and smiles all over the dark and shimmering room.

Daniel guided her in front of him, hands never leaving her waist, and as soon as they entered the party he started moving on the verge of dancing. Soon she was moving on the verge of dancing too, leaving them in a weird two-person conga of funk and ballad.

“Look at that!” came a peal of laughter from somewhere around them, “The party arrived”.

It was Christian Horner, with a tipsy grin and a bottle of beer in his hand. He patted his free hand on Daniel’s shoulder like a proud father.

“What are you still doing sober? Come on.” His voice was a bit stuffy from the loud music, he gestured towards a circle of seats where Eleonor recognized some familiar faces from earlier that day. Christian gestured for her to. “You too, let’s make a hell of a celebration!”

If that was cheered up, she wouldn’t know how to describe their table in the center of the room. A dozen people raised their glasses and clapped their hands as if they were still below the podium and showering in champagne.

They sat on a couch and soon had glasses of something in their hands too. With the squeezed space, Eleonor was practically on Daniel’s lap, which was a bit embarrassing (not that anyone seemed to notice). So, at the first opportunity, she came close to his ear to say:

“I’m gonna grab some drinks”.

He nodded, his hand lingering a bit too long on the small of her back as she got up.

Over the bar, she asked for two beers, and, while she waited for them, hunched over the counter, a friendly figure stopped by her side.

“You came!” it was Hanna, with a genuine smile and shot up surprised eyebrows, “I guess this is your official welcome to the family!”

Eleonor lips curved up unconsciously as she turned to face the other woman.

“Oh, you rocked today!” she congratulated, “How can you guys work so well in such chaos, oh my God”.

“First time in the garage?” she confided.

“Yeah..”

She let out a playful humph, bumping their shoulders together.

“That’s why. Don’t worry, you get used to it. It’s the kind of thing you learn to love by living it, not even in Cambrige they get to teach this stuff”

Eleonor eyes double-sized as she choked on her own spittle.

“No way! You went to Cambridge?!” she sneered with a smile. Hanna looked at her with confusion, but soon got it. She said it anyway, pointing to her chest. “Oxford.”

Hanna lowered her head between her hands as she barked out a laugh.

“Holy shit”

“Yeah”, Eleonor laughed along.

Just then, the barman approached with their drinks.

“Well, I get now why you’re a Williams fan”, Hanna pretended to look down on her, taking a sip of her cocktail.

“Ah shut up”, Eleonoe rolled her eyes, “You cannot seriously compare our rowing rivalry to Formula 1”.

Two minutes more into the conversation, Eleonor felt she had made a friend. So much so that, when Daddy Yankee started playing she gasped and grabbed Hannah’s hand without thinking twice.

“Oh, I love this song!” She stated, thrilled.

“I… don’t know this song” Hanna gave her an apology smile.

“What?” that was absurd “You don’t know the Rompe, Rompe, Rom- ah, come on, anyway”.

And she dragged her to the dance floor, because it was night, and they were young and had an incredible day. And Eleonor couldn’t have an incredible day without dancing. And maybe moving her butt a little too much. Perhaps lowing to the ground too, but she was in a club! Come on!

And in England, Jesus. No offense to the British but their parties where nothing like the Brazilian ones, so she would any any opportunity to shake, all right?

And of course that caught the attention of the Aussie of the day.

“This is why it took you so long?” he murmured with an arched brow, approaching her with what seemed a glass of whiskey and some dance moves to the beat.

“What?” she straightened up her spine, a bit sweaty and still moving her hips. Hanna was close by, talking with some guy for the team while moving her feet from one side and the other.

Daniel came close enough to talk by her ear.

“You know I’m kind of disputed today, right?”

She laughed.

“Uh, you tell me”, she smiled over his shoulder, but sure he could see it somehow.

“Yeah. A few girls even tried to hit on me. You need to mark your territory better”.

Eleonor threw her back laughing. When she looked at him, he had a matching smile on his lips – full and red, and she knew they were very soft.

“All right. Come here, then” she prompted with a soft wiggle of her eyebrows, not wanting a response before wrapping one hand around his free forearm to tell him by his ears. “Let’s dance together”

She instructed and Daniel happily complied, moving from one side to the other. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“You lead, you dumbass!”

“What!” he choked on a laugh “I don’t know how to lead a dance”

“That’s bullshit” she gestured with both hands with indignation. Moves Like Jagger started playing and her smile came back. “You have to know this one, come on!”

Daniel hesited.

“Come on!” She touched his shoulder, making him smile and wiggle a bit. “Yeah”

Eleonor loved that song, so much she couldn’t help some clumsy moves with her shoulders, hands accompanying a bit robotic but on beat. Daniel laughed at her.

“Oh, I know this one”, he said before jumping in.

He flexed his knees a bit, just to give him more freedom with his waist, trying a sexy movement with his free hand in the air.

“Yes!” Eleonor celebrated, and the clap of her hands soon entered her choreography.
By the chorus, they were engaged in a dedicated series of slides, little jumps, shoes trailing on the ground and butt bumps interleaved with waves of laughter. However, that didn’t last long. Because Daniel was clearly not interested in maintaining some pattern, and Eleonor found it very endearing.

At some point, he held her hand to make her spin in place. At other, they tried to imitate that move from the 80s with their fingers in the air. On the other, he tried to carry her in Dirty Dancing style, which obviously didn’t work out, but it was sweet nonetheless. All that mattered is that they didn’t stop dancing.

+ + +

Waking up was a curse.

Her body felt heavy as if Optimus Prime and his Autobots gang had ran over her the last night. Eleonor went to roll over to her side, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep a bit more, but found a heavy arm around her waist and a warm chest on her back instead. She blinked a few times, her mind still adjusting to this reality. Flashes of last night ignited in her mind, making her feel dizzy and frozen in shock.

“Can you stay still, for fucks sake”, came a hoarse and grave sleepy voice right behind her ear.

Oh, holy molly Jesus christ.

It wasn’t a surprise that it was Daniel, but it was a new feeling that she wasn’t used to yet. The way his muscles molded over her body, pulling her closer. The way she knew his eyes were closed but he still was fully conscious of her movements. The way bare sound of his voice instantly awakened something in her.

“Good morning to you too”, she muttered, testing the waters, her own voice weak with sleep.

“No”, he murmured in reply, his nose coming to nuzzle the side of her neck, planting a soft kiss there, “Not ready to wake up yet.”

She let out a low laugh, bringing her arm over his.

“All right”.

Staying in bed until late wasn’t a bad idea, considering the tiring day before. So, instead of worrying about the consequences of her public appearance in the paddock, she closed her eyes and nested herself against him, ready to drift off again.

It worked because soon she drifted off into a comfortable sleep. When she woke up again, was to the sound of a buzzing, loud song. Apparently Daniel’s phone, from the way he groaned against her neck before pulling away to pick it up.

It was embarrassing the way she felt instantly cold and alone once he moved. Eleonor turned to her side, shifting the blankets over her as she nested on the mattress to observe him. Daniel squinted at his phone with a scowl before picking it up sullenly.

“Mate, why are you awake so early?”

He fell back on the bed with one hand rubbing over his face. The soft light of the sunrise that streamed through the window reflected poetically over his chest, like a Renaissance Italian painting.

“Oh. Right”, he answered, to whoever it was. His eyes flicked over to Eleonor for a second, “Okay. I’ll check with her.”

That caught her attention immediately. Propping her up on her elbows to watch him attentively. Daniel wiggled his eyebrows in her direction, his free hand reaching to brush a strand of her hair behind her shoulder, then cupping her jaw lovingly.

“All right”, he said after a beat, “All right, we’ll talk later. See ya”.

He threw his phone back on the mattress.

“It was Seb”, he told her, “said he’s taking Hanna on hot laps on the track”.

“Hannah?” she questioned, confused.

“His girlfriend, not our strategist”, he clarified with a yawn, arms high above his body, “He invited us to go too. I think you’ll like it”.

Eleonor laughed, hiding her face on the mattress.

“Sorry, I don’t think so”, she raised his head to look at him again.

“Why?”, he sounded sad.

“Oh, honey”, she pulled herself closer to him, trying to console him with a hand on his chest, “No offense, but after everything I saw yesterday I kinda fear for my life.”

“Ah…” He took in, the realization hitting him, “You’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid. I’m being reasonable. I know you have no sense of self-preservation.”

From out of nowhere, Daniel jumped over her, with a dorky idiot smile on his face.

“That was the biggest mistake you could’ve done, mate”, he looked down at her with amusement. “My life mission is now to turn you into an adrenaline seeker.”

“Oh, fuck me…” she lamented.

“My pleasure.”

He started attacking her with kisses, in the fluffiest way possible, making her blurt with a laugh.

“Stop! Stop!” She panted, breathless.

“Alrighty”, he propped himself up, “I’m gonna get ready to take you on a lap, hottie.”

She rolled her eyes. He went up to the bathroom. Eleonor stayed on the bed for a long moment, trying to comprehend the last events. Soon, she looked around and picked up the first piece of cloth she found, which happened to be Daniel’s shirt from last night. It still smelled like him.

She pulled it on and went for her phone, checking the news from the world. There was a message from one of my colleagues saying they had got an A+ on their Sanskrit Literature test. Another one from her friend, saying she saw her in the Red Bull garage on the TV. And then, dozens of others from her hateful family members.

Eleonor inhaled deeply before clicking to read them all. Each one of them was like a knife to her head. She knew openly running in the paddock the day before was a risky move, but still… still, she hated feeling so weak.

Damn it. She was a fucking immigrant. She had dealt with xenophobic comments like a pro. She never took shit home. She once spent a night in jail after punching a misogynistic dick that sought problems with her in the restaurant she worked in, and won. So why she didn’t answer them? Why she couldn’t tell them all to fuck off and leave her alone?

When Daniel got out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, happy and smelling like soap, she was with her knees up pressed to her chest, back against the bed headboard with pathetic tears in her eyes.

“Okay. Listen up. I just had the craziest i-”, he stopped once he noticed her, his joyful expression turning into pure worry.

She wiped the tears quickly, not wanting him to see her like that, not wanting to ruin his happy mood. Daniel stopped on the side of the bed, looking down at her.

“Hey… what happened?” he asked softly.

“Nothing”, she sniffed like an idiot, “Nothing, I’m fine”.

“It is something”, he insisted, sitting down in front of her. And it took him a second to look at the phone in her hand and assume, “Let me guess, they’re pestering you again.”

She blocked her phone before he could check, trying to look cool and collected.

“It’s nothing much. I’m already over it.”

“Eleonor…”

“It’s true. I don’t even… I don’t…”

“Eleonor”, he called, making her look at him finally. His eyes were soft and attentive, “You’re shaking, honey”.

She hadn’t even realized it. Fuck it. Her hands were trembling while she held on tight to her phone. And she had never, ever, talked to anyone about this. But, for some reason, for the way Daniel looked at her as if he could shield her from anything bad in this world, she told him:

“I don’t have anything from him, you know?”, she said, her voice trembling more than she was proud to admit, “Nothing from them. Not an ounce.”

“I know…” Daniel nodded.

“And you want to know what’s sadder? This is the first time any of them have contacted me since I left…”

“Oh, honey…”

Eleonor sharpened a breath, suddenly nervous and all wrong. Daniel was so important to her, and this was so embarrassing. She had to make him understand. Because she had lost her mother, and so many other things in life, but she couldn’t loose this.

She wouldn’t lose him.

“When I came here, to Europe”, her voice was weak and teary, but she forced herself to keep going, “I had to work as a manicure before getting a real job as a waitress in a dirty ass restaurant. Then babysitter. Then cashier. For four years, my life was only study and work, study and work, study and work, until I made it. Until I could live well by myself. I had to go through some really bad shit, literally went trough hell all by myself. But never asked anything from them.”

“Alright, it’s alright”, he assured, serious and stoic, a soft hand rubbing over her knee, “I know. I believe you…”

That words shifted something in her, making her breath catch as tears rolled down her eyes.

“You do?” It came barely as a whisper.

“Of course”, he said with so much certainty, as if any other option was absurd. “Why should I believe some creeps I’ve never met over you? If you say they were mean, then they were mean. If you say you’re better here than there, then you’re better here than there.”

She threw himself at him, a mess of tears and heartbreak, her arms around his neck as she cried on his chest. Daniel’s arms embraced her in the best hug she had ever received in her life. It was strong and caring, as he rubbed soothing circles on her back. They stayed like this to what it seemed foreve and a blink of an eye at the same time, until her phone buzzed with an upcoming call. She pulled back slowly as he eyed the mobile.

“I’m sor…”

“Don’t”, he looked back at her, thinking, “Let me answer it, uh?”

She considered it for a moment. The thought alone made her feel like a weak and pathetic coward but she knew she for sure wouldn’t be the one stopping them. And otherwise, they’d keep on calling so… she nodded.

“All good?” He checked.

“Yeah…” she managed weakly.

Daniel didn’t hesitate. She had never seen him look so serious as he did when he picked up the call. She swallowed empty, a hole in her stomach.

“Hello”, he said. And then: “Yeah, it’s her phone.”

A moment of silence passed.

“No, you can’t talk to her”, his tone was not up to debate, “This is Daniel Ricciardo talking. Yeah, the guy.”

Eleonor bit her thumbnails, trying not to imagine her father’s reaction on the other side of the line.

“Listen, mate, you’ll stop calling her, all right? Or sending your in-laws to harass her like that. If you have a problem with her, you have a problem with me. And you don’t want to have a problem with me.”

A beat, with him listening carefully, before:

“Oh, I do. Do you have an idea of who you’re talking to? Because I’m not the kind to joke around. If I hear of anyone talking shit to her again, I’m sending a restraining order and a public slander to all of you. How about that? Does that sound alright?”

Her heart stopped at it. He couldn’t be serious. But Daniel’s expression was stone cold, he seemed unaffected by anything her father may be saying.

“Yes, sir, you can fuck off. Lose this number on the way, okay?”

A second later he lowered his phone, looking at her. It was so quick. A second later, his soft gaze and careful words were back.

“Think I scared him a bit”, he chuckled, “They won’t bother you again.”

Her heart was now a mess of emotions. She couldn’t figure out how she ended up crossing paths with a man like this.

“Oh, Daniel…” she lamented, “What if they expose you for that?”

“They won’t”, he didn’t seem bothered or much less worried, “Not unless they want to unveil the whole story, which I don’t they will, right?”

How could he be so smart? So prompted to help her? He let her phone down on her lap and slung one arm around her shoulder, kissing the top of her head.

“Thank you”, she wrapped her arms around his chest, hugging it tightly, “You’re my hero”.

“It’s nothing”, he shrugged it away, “You deserve it, all right? You deserve to be in peace.”

She pulled back to look at him. And she knew it was too soon, but hearing those words… that was the exact moment she realized she loved him. He said it so certain it almost made her believe it.

“You’re a gem, Daniel Ricciardo”, she said, planting a kiss on his shoulder.

“I know, I know”, he faked indifference, “Enough to make you go on a hot lap with me?”

She smiled against his shoulder. Fair enough, she thought.

“Yes…”, she said slowly, “You deserve it.”

He hugged her happily, excited as a puppy in the park. His excitement was contagious. He made her get up and get ready, and cheering her up was his way of taking care of her. And, for once in her life, she let him.

In the end, the Hot Laps was, indeed, a bad idea. Eleonor thought she’d get a least a bit of female support on that, but it turned out Hanna was as much of an adrenaline freak as the other two drivers. The three of them spent a full half hour trying to convince her it would be cool, and she only agreed on that because Daniel swore on his life he would take it slow (which she later found out was bullshit). Their argument was so entertaining for the Track team assessing them they recorded the whole thing, asking for personal testimony before and after the laps. It was a crazy morning and, after that, the four of them went to have lunch together.

In the evening, she went to stay in Daniel’s hotel room. As the team left for Germany the next day, he chose to get back with her to Oxford for the rest of the week, when he parted with slow kisses as she promised she’d be free to go to Hungary, two weeks away.

Eleonor watched him leave with a heavy heart, starstruck about how, in so little time, he managed to get her so attached to him.

A ball of sunshine in human form leaving a hell of a mark, she realized. Especially as the days passed and her family never called her again.

Chapter Text

No matter how long Daniel had been working as a racing driver, he never got tired of traveling.

The excitement for the unknown was unbeaten. And, jokes aside, it was very hard for him to be surprised somewhere, considering he had been pretty much everywhere. Just from arriving in Fortaleza, after hours and hours of flight, he could And this place was different from São Paulo in every way he could think of. There was something about not knowing what to expect from the outside. From the people, or the beaches, or the food and the culture or, even more importantly, the vibes. It made him electric.

This, he thought with pleasure while stretching in bed, was the true meaning of summer break. Not lack of grip in that McLaren, not unhappy team debriefs, not the constant self-questioning of his professional ability. Just the sun and the wind and his family going to an aquatic park.

The thought alone made his sleepy head even lighter, making him roll on his side as free as a feather and hug the pillow next to him. Except it wasn’t a pillow, but his wife’s warm and sloth body. Daniel froze for a second, uncertain.

She murmured something in Portuguese (not a bad word, since he hadn’t got it) and shifted closer to his chest, adjusting her body to be the little spoon. The position was somewhat familiar as the back of his hand but, still, it set fireworks in his brain. He didn’t get what she said but he wanted her to say it again. And if her world were a sea he would jump and bathe right onto them.

“Still not fluent in Portuguese, you know”, he murmured, eyes closed.

“I said”, her voice came muffled, a bit impatient, and hoarse from sleep, “Stay still.”

“That’s what she sa-”

His pun was stopped by her elbow on his side, to which he bit his lower lip containing it.

“Yes, ma’am.”

See? The magic of summer break. The art of late sleeping and bad jokes early in the morning.

But the vibes were pretty much ruined by a tip-toeing and tiny human being that launched himself on top of them. Daniel actively ignored him with his eyes closed, he knew Eleonor was weaker than him at it so he’d let her have it. He felt the movement when Nate started jumping on the bed in front of his mother, and, from the way the movement slowed, he knew she was probably trying to talk him into sleep again.

However, soon the traitor sent him the package. Nate fell in between them on the mattresses, actively separating his parents as he went to shake Daniel’s arm.

“Okay. Okay.”, letting out a yawn, Daniel tried to calm him down, signing with one hand and making him sit with another.

“Park, Daddy. Let’s go!” he was glowing with excitement “Park. Park. Park.”

“Buddy.” Daniel laid with his back flat, taking a better look at his buzzing son, “Just five more minutes”

“Park. Park. Park.”

“Look.” he tried that thing he must have read in some parenting book, of reasoning with the child, “What’s the point of being in vocation if we still have to wake up early?”.

It didn’t work. Nate frowned at him, not happy, and threw himself over his chest. Yes, because his favorite hobby in the world was to climb on his Dad as if he were a human playground. And, yeah, that too. The wrestling play (though this one was more of Daniel’s fault anyway, something he invented when he was just a baby). So now he had to take the consequences, taking punches in the belly and an actually impressive sleeper hold attempt. Daniel flipped him back to sit on top of him, and Nate proceeded, with a silly smile, to throw punches in his face, to which Daniel had to keep defensive with his blocking skills. When Nate grew a bit too enthusiastic, Daniel threw him back on the bed, now fully invested in the fight. They soon became a mess of punches and kicks and laughing and using pillows as shields, before Eleonor intervened.

“Go fight outside, you two”.

They couldn’t keep him in bed for too long, so soon they both moved up to take breakfast and get ready for the day.

As Daniel finished packing up his backpack, over the bed, Nate came by for the tenth time in 20 minutes, as he came back from checking if his mother was done getting ready in the bathroom. He came bouncing to climb on the bed, with swimming goggles, a UV shirt, and floaters on already, as if he was going to jump in the pool at any second.

“She takes long” he complained to Daniel, very manly. Daniel couldn’t keep himself from laughing, surprised by the little guy's remark.

“Don’t wait for me to back me up, Mr. Early Bird who doesn’t let the adults sleep”.

He let out a tiring sound that made him look like a 40-year-old man waiting on the bench in a clothing store.

Daniel eyed him curiously. It was one of those moments that made him wonder how much he underestimated a toddler’s reasoning skills. He touched his shoulders to catch his attention, and Nate looked up at him with big brown eyes covered by the blue plastic lens.

“Can I ask you something?” Daniel prompted. He nodded. “What made you change your mind about the floaters?”

“Wanna help you”, he answered without hesitating.

Daniel blinked, taken by surprise.

“Really?”

“Mamãe said we help you be strong”, which was accompanied by him standing up distractedly and wanting to peek inside the bag, looking for something.

He still couldn't comprehend how a tiny human being had so much intelligence. Better, a tiny human being that was 50% him. He meant... Daniel didn't trust his genes on that but, if Nate grew up to be anything like his mother, he'd be fine.

“I better check on her”. He signed after grabbing the little one and placing him on the ground.

“Cool, buddy”.

“Don’t destroy the room”.

“Cool, buddy”.

The bathroom door was wide open, and Daniel peeked inside, seeing Eleonor apparently ready, bikini and sun hat on, a thin beach hobby over her shoulders and she looked at herself in the mirror, thoughtfully. He felt unsure looking at her by the door as she hadn’t noticed him yet, moving sideways to the mirror, a frown on her face looking down at her flat stomach.

“Hey, you!” he greeted.

Eleonor startled, hand jumping at her heart as she turned to look at him, eyes widened. He wondered what went through her head. Was she embarrassed? Maybe? It didn’t even look like he helped her with all those postpartum moisturizing creams not long.

“Shaggy is anxious”, he tried to ease the mood with a look of ‘can you believe this guy?’, “For, guess what, the park.”

“Oh. Right”, she slid the hobby over her arms, closing it and tying a bow around her waist, “Let’s go.”

+ + +

There was a song for everything in Brazil, Daniel soon realized. There was a theme song for the guys selling ice cream and popsicles by the beach. There was a song for a sunscreen commercial on the radio. And there was a theme song for the water park. It was catchy and animated. And it was blasting out on the radios by the entry.

Beach Park stayed by the side of, ironically, a beach. Right from the outside, they could see the huge, colorful, almost skyscraping waterslides in there. The entry had themed banners to take pictures – turtle-themed, dolphin-themed, and everything sea-related-themed. They tried to make Nate stand by it and smile for some pictures, but all of them turned out with him as a blur since he was just running around, rushing to the entry.

“Oh, Jesus, we gonna lose him anytime now”, Eleonor scolded when she, panting, crouched to grab his hand for the 14th time that morning.

“That leash thing doesn’t seem so absurd now, right?” Daniel joked. He was in a full-beach outfit too, sunglasses and everything while carrying all their bags and his new and amazing go-pro in hand.

Eleonor looked back at him with a disapproving frown while Nate pulled her by her hand.

“What? You thought it too, I bet.”

“We handled him just well in Disney”, she shrugged off, “This can’t be that hard.”

“Right. Because in Disney he didn’t even walk yet.”

As if to prove a point, she kneeled in front of him, calmly, and let his hands go so she could sign.

“Nate-Nate. We gonna go to the park, I promise. But you cannot go away from Mamãe and Daddy.”

He looked over to Daniel, like checking the information accuracy, and Daniel did his father's duty, changing his amused expression to nod seriously at him.

“We take you anywhere you want to go, but we go together”, she kept going, “Deal?”

“Deal”, Nate opened a big smile, starting to bounce again.

“Very good”, She let out a relieved breath, standing up again.

It took just one second and there he went again, running with his little and wiggly legs far away from them. Terrible two, indeed. But Daniel couldn’t help an amused laugh, the kid had the same vibrant energy as him. Eleonor didn’t find it so funny, having to chase after him once again, until she gave up and carried him up in her arms.

It was just when they were inside and Daniel could store all their stuff into assigned cabinets that they could sit down and review their plans for the day. Elenor had grabbed some sort of map with all the attractions, but, in the end, they had to cede to the visual wishes of the energetic toddler.

They only sat for one minute, to pass sunscreen. Eleonor failed to make Nate sit still, so Daniel had to pose as his mannequin for Nate to get distracted, making a mess on his face while Els applied the sunscreen on the kid’s back and chest.

When she was done and Nate moved out of the way to put his goggles on again, her eyes widened and she choked on a laugh once she faced Daniel.

“What?”, he frowned confused, “Not properly sunblocked?”

She shook her head with a sweet smile that warmed his heart.

“Just… let me fix it.”

He scooted closer, each leg straddling on the sides of the bench they were on, coming up so she could properly do the job. First, with a sorry expression, she held his hair up out of his forehead, and then her other hand came to take out the excess cream on his face (a lot), before gentling and spreading it rightly. Her fingers were thin and delicate, going all over his cheeks and nose, round movements from inside out.

Then she had to go a bit more vigorously over his stubble, with both thumbs. Muttering something under her breath about being a mess. Their faces were so close to each other that Daniel could feel her breath, smelling peppermint candy, and he knew it was sweet. He had to swallow the hard lump in his throat, trying to move his gaze from her lips to her eyes, be more chaste at least. His eyes fell on the portion of tiny, and almost unnoticed moles on her cheek, just one shade darker than her skin, identical to the matching ones she had over her collarbone as well, the ones he had tattooed on the back of his mind, unforgettable.

“Done” she announced with a soft smile.

She closed and tucked the sunscreen in the bag. No… Daniel thought he wanted to return the favor. But Nate was bouncing on their side, all toys occupying his tiny arms.

“All right, we’re going” Eleonor advised him, but the little one barely saw them getting up before sprinting towards the first pool in their sight. She gaped at him, already tired, while Daniel barked out a laugh.

“You know what, jokey? Give me that”, she took the camera from his hand, “You’re the athlete. You chase him.”

“Alrighty. Hurry up to keep up with us, then, nerd.”

He had to actually run, on the semi-wet pebbles of the ground, and overtake a bunch of kids who barely reached his waist in height, sprinting under the flaming Brazilian sun to grab his son by the waist before he got lost in the crowd.

However, before Nate could protest, Daniel jumped with him in a kid’s pool. Soon, Shaggy was floating and laughing and trying to take dips and splashing water on him, happy as a dog with two tails. Daniel laughed at long with, playing along with the splashing dynamics. Once, after drying the water from his eyes, he looked up to the pool border where, among dozens of other people, Eleonor was with a snug amile on her safe, partially covered by the shadow of her hat, taking a picture of them with his new and amazing go pro.

+ + +

“Remember when he turned one and we made that bet about his future career?” Daniel asked while placing a soaking-wet Nate on the kid's chair

Eleonor looked up at him, a bit flushed, while she was dividing the drinks on the table.

“Hm… yes…?”

“I wanna change my answer”, he sat with a thud on the bench, across from her, pulling one of the trays to the front of him, a plate with a classic Brazilian lunch he was dying to taste, “I think he’s gonna be a sprinter. No, no. I think he’s gonna be the next Usain Bolt.”

“You can’t change your answer. That’s not how bets work.”
“Righto”, he shrugged, “But I want it in the records I noticed it first. Remember that when we see him in the Olympics.”

She bit a smile while coming over to the table to place Nate’s plate in his little table, and backing off when he sniffed, a bit of water falling all over.

“Oh-oh”, She looked at him with concern.

“No, no, it’s okay”, Daniel prompted.

He called for Nate’s attention, to instruct.

“Look, do like Daddy”, then he shook his head vigorously, the wet curls splashing water all over the place.

Eleonor squinted with surprise, but Nate laughed, doing exactly the same after, the dark brown curls splashing water around. It wasn’t much of an issue, though, since the whole place was wet. Even there, in the restaurant, families wandered around in swimming suits, very few people had towels with them, every one being fully ready to jump back in the pools again right after the meal.

“Well, done, buddy”. Daniel laughed at him, matching smiles. And Eleonor came to wrap his paw patrol towel around his shoulder, hugging him from behind and placing a smacking kiss on his chubby cheek.

When they started eating, Eleonor handed him the camera, with the registers from the morning. There were pictures of them in the wavy pool, in the yellow floaters of three seats down an artificial river, in the big slides, the playgrounds, and with the dolphin mascot of the park.

““I knew it was a good investment”, he took pride in it, “it’s waterproof you know? You can get in the water with it and get some really goo-”, when he glanced up, to compliment her skills, he was caught in shock by the vision of Eleonor with tears in her eyes.

“Oh my God…” she whispered, even before he could ask, mouth full of food and a stare lost in thoughts, “This.”

She pointed at her full plate with her fork, proceeding to use it to grab another bit and bite with a satisfied sound that left Daniel speechless.

“Oh My God! This!” she half laughed, eyes shining at him. “Holy shit…”

Daniel blinked. She dove into attacking the food.

“Are you crying because of a dish?” He laughed at how unbelievable that was.

She closed her eyes up to the ceiling as if saying a silent prayer, before giving him a tight smile and a denying shake of her head.

“I hate you.”

“What?!”, Daniel blurted, indignant.

“I hate you because you were right!” She relaxed. A ghost of a laugh in her voice, “I can’t believe how I could live so long without this”.

“Oh.” He nervously smiled, still not sure how to react to this. “Thank you?”

Food? That was all that I took. Daniel huffed with himself, it was on him not considering it before. Good food could heal anything.

“Good to know you’re enjoying this. I saw you reading a book”, he squinted at her. Though the vision of her lying under the sun was far from unpleasant, he wished she had fun with them.

“It’ wasn’t not a book. It’s The Secret History”, she rolled her eyes, still eating.

“Saying the title with empathy doesn’t change the fact it’s a book”.

She huffed, knowing what he was thinking. She was a nerd. Eleonor was a nerd. She was very good at hiding it, with her free-spirited chaotic energy and her willingness to follow Daniel into adventures, but she was a nerd. And he had learned how to identify the moments. Like, two years ago, when he had to film a No Breaks episode with the Gang of Youths, and, when he told her that, she literally jumped out of her seat and begged him to take her with him so she could meet them. At first, he thought: I had no idea she’s a rock music fan. But of course, she wasn’t. She just bribed the band into dissecting one single song of theirs called Achilles, Come Down. Apparently, it was a faithful and poetical depiction of the myth of Achilles and Patroclus, a tragic non-canon Trojan love story. Or whatever.

“But I finished today’s quota, so” she paused the lunching to sign. On his side, he could notice Nate’s curious eyes on her as he was devouring a nugget with way much more mess than necessary.

“After lunch, I wanna try the…”, he forgot the name, “The big one.”

“I-n-s-a-n-o?”

“Yes.”, He smiled, “That one.”
“The 41m height slide that you can reach 105 km per hour?”. She arched a brow with a huff.

Daniel simply wiggled his eyebrows and clicked his tongue with some unbotheredness.

“It screams my name, doesn’t it?”

“I should have seen it coming.”

“That’s what she said.”

He giggled at her reaction and, just as Nate finished his lunch, was already ready to go.

“Alrighty” he clapped his hand with excitement after cleaning his mouth with a tissue “Let’s go party”.

Eleonor looked up at him slightly confused while Nate was already getting up from his chair.

“What?”, she frowned at his food by half, “you didn’t finish”.

“I’m hearing i-n-s-a-n-o call my name!”.

God bless his son, who was already calling for his arms. Daniel let him jump on his back so he piggybacked him, and Eleonor had no choice but to follow them with a fool smile, muttering something about having two children with her.

+++

It looked way bigger from near. It was the equivalent of a 14-floors building, it said on the informative banner Eleonor translated for him. They weren’t the only ones watching it, but in the middle of a small crowd formed on the base of it. Each minute, someone slid down screaming and splashing water on them, stepping off the white slide with bathing suits tucked where they shouldn't be, smug, proud smiles on their faces, dishing out adrenaline rush reports to the stunned crowd.

A man stopped beside him, arms crossed, letting out an impressive whistle and commenting something.

“Uh, sorry?”

“Oh. Oh”, he opened a big smile. For a second, Daniel wondered if he was an F1 enthusiast before he greeted him with an amused face, “You… gringo? Uh? American?”

“Ah, no.”, he laughed, “No, I’m Australian.”

“Good! Very good! You going?” he pointed to the building-height-slide.

“Bloody hell, yes.”, Daniel crossed his arms over his chest, taking a stance to look up, though the bright sun was a bit of a bother., You?”

“Oh…” he woofed, “I… did. Two times!”

“No way!”

He nodded, impressed. Daniel looked over to his other side, where Els watched him entertained, Nate in her arms with a popsicle.

“How did it go?” he asked the guy.

“Crazy”, he said very seriously, “It’s crazy. Really insane, uh. It's like flying. like…” he gestured with one hand, struggling to find the word in English, “You know?”

But Daniel got the vibe.

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah. Yeah. The adrenaline, right?”

“Yes! Exactly!”

Just at that moment, another man passed, just out of the slide, with a mix of starstruck and panic in his eyes, covering his lower dude with his hand and limping a little. He made a thumbs-up sign for both Daniel and his new friend who observed with waryness, putting on a sorry smile.

“That’s it”, Daniel thought out loud, “I’m going.”
“Good luck, my friend”, The man patted him on his back, while Daniel took a few jumps to get warmed up.

He turned, very serious, to Eleonor, who watched with a mix of unbelief and amusement on her face.

“If I don’t see you again…”
“Oh, shut up”, she rolled her eyes, then raised the camera on point, “Go, I’ll record it.”

“I’ve been waiting my whole life for this.”

“I’m sure of it.”

“I was born for this.”

“Of course.”

That was it. He took a deep breath and went. He barely felt the time passing as he ascended the wet wooden stairs, meeting a short line on the top, of excited teenagers and daring adults. All looking up to the next person and murmuring nervous “ooh”s and “aah”s every time somebody went down right to the beast’s throat.

It was actually insane how tiny people were from up there. Daniel felt the nerves and enjoyed it immediately, imagining the thrill of the speed, something he’d never grow tired of. When he turned to be the next one in line, his senses were already heightened, his heart racing in excited jumps, and his body in a sudden burst of energy, enough to light up a town.

He didn’t get much of what the lifeguard instructing, something about crossing his arms over his chest or… okay. That seemed important.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Portuguese.”

There was some nervousness in the man's expression, but he tried his best at mimicking.

“No… open arm”, he gestured, nodding negatively with the arms open position, and positively for the mummy-arms position”, “Or… you…”

Then he mimicked what seemed like a bird’s wings flapping. It took Daniel a second to…

“Or I’ll fly?”, he gaped at the guy.

“Yes. Fly. No fly, okay, brother?”

He nodded, feeling already a shiver in his spine. Then, Daniel Ricciardo proceeded to sit on a 40m high water slide and push his body down to the 60° inclined fall. It was like flying and falling at the same time – the wind blowing on his face, the water on his back, his skin rasping at the plastic beneath. And, for a millisecond, his body actually left the waterslide, going on free fall in the blink of an eye, but the jump scare was enough for him to let out a startled squawk.

From that on, the speed only increased. And Daniel had done many crazy things in his life, but nothing like this. Nothing like going over 100km/h per hour without a car, just the magical drag of gravity making his chest lighter and his brain buzzing with anticipation. Going against the natural. Because he was falling, and his reasonable side couldn’t wrap itself around the fact that there was 2m of water on the bottom. He kept going down and down and down, also faster and faster and faster, and his body screamed with so many senses as the vision of the ground and the people grew focused and, suddenly, he was laid on his back and falling on the pool.

When he emerged, he felt like a new man. His first thought, swimming to get out of the pool, was: I want to do it again. His mind was blank from any other thought as he approached his family stretching his arms high up his body and a big, big smile on his face.

“Oh my God!” Els rushed a bit to meet him on the way, camera in hand. Nate ran in front of her, jumping to hug one of Daniel’s legs in the middle of the watching crowd he was part of minutes before. Now they were mortals and peasants who hadn’t tasted gold and saw God like he did. “How did it go?”

“You have to do it!”, he said without even thinking twice.

“What?”, her eyes widened.

“Honey.” He closed his eyes for a second, exhaling a breath, his back was still burning from the landing, his nose itching from a bit of water that went up. “You have to do it. It’s like… like… argh! You just have to!”

“No, thank you, I’m fine”, she laughed nervously, coming closer to show him his footage, “Look, I recorded all of it. It’s enough.”

He took the camera out of her hand, determined. He’d see the footage later. Now, he needed her to feel what he felt too. He could do this. He had done this by taking her on hot laps in Silverstone, taking her skydiving in Hawaii, taking her swimming in Lake Como, taking her to white water rafting in Sydney, and rallying in Vegas.

“I promise you, in the name of the racing gods and the holy ground of somewhere, it’s worth it”, Daniel guaranteed, looking deep into her black, wide eyes.

“Dan…”

“Don’t Dan me. Go up there and change your life. Come on”, he took the hat out of her hair and placed it on his own head.

Eleonor opened her mouth to protest, but only an indignant exhale came out. He was definitely winning this one. She stared at him on the verge of wrath, he could see, but Daniel only waited, a sunshine grin on his lips.

“Fine”, she looked away, giving up.

“Yes!”, he celebrated, feeling like a lit-up Christmas tree. He almost jumped in excitement, if it wasn’t for the toddler clinging to his leg like a monkey.

“Jesus, how did I end up here?” She slowly took her hobby off for the first time that day. That was when he noticed she was wearing the green bikini he had grown fond of, not the one she bought last year in Bora Bora, but rather the one he bought her in Perth at Christmas.

It put a softer smile on his face as she gave him her hobby, a bit recoiled, and started walking towards the stairs.

“You go, girl!”, he brought his hands up to the sides of his mouth to shout at her. Even though she didn’t turn back, he pictured her cheeks turning red in his mind as she wiped a hand over her forehead as if to hide herself, “Ki! Ki! Ay!”

That managed to make her turn back at him, for just a second, only to burn him with her eyes, supper embarrassed. Jesus, he loved her. He even got a bit distracted by watching her walking away like that, the tiny bikini covering very few, obviously, and giving him a stupid urge to go there and give her ass a slap. But he shook his head instead.

“All right, buddy, let’s see m-” he stopped looking down at his leg and noticing Nate was gone.

“Oh shit.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck, his mind raced as he looked around desperately. Luckily, the little one hadn’t gone too far off, just a few meters away crouched down, fetching some water with his little bucket.

“Nate. Don’t do that.” he scolded as soon as he reached him and crouched down by his side “You could get lost”.

He responded with a dramatic pout, lashes wet, and the posture of a human fish. He gestured to the toys he refused to let down and Daniel got it immediately.

“We still have the whole day to play, I promise”, he gave him a soft punch on the shoulder, man to man, “Did you see Daddy going down that mad slide back there?”

He nodded with a smile.

“Mamãe will go now. Don’t you want to watch her too?”

That managed to get him excited again. Okay, Daniel had to wait sit on a puddle, and supervise the water construction but, once he spotted Els turn on the top, they got up to watch and film.

In the end, she got out of the pool soaking wet, mouth agape reaching for breath and exclaiming surprise.

“Were you trying to kill me or what?” she blurted out.

Daniel couldn’t contain a smile.

“Life-changing, isn’t it?”

Her wavy hair was now soaked, falling on her back even darker than it already was. Her eyelashes also glistened with water remains, and she looked a bit breathless, but, damn, that wonder on her face… it was worth it.

“Yeah”, she conceded, almost shyly.

Daniel laughed with triumph as she drew a little smile, twisting the ends of the hair so they stopped dripping.

“It was pretty awesome. But… let’s stick with the child-approved program now?”

He pressed his lips on a thin line, not sure how to answer that. She exhaled, reading his mind.

“You wanna go again, don’t you?”

“I can’t help it… my ancestors are hovering behind my ear right now. It’s in my blood.”

“Your… ancestors?” The furrow on her forehead left an adorable dimple between her brows.

“Yep. The roman gladiators.”

“All right”, Eleonor grabbed Nate’s hand with a horrified look, “Ok. Go before you offend some minority.”

After that, the day seemed to change. Not only did little Nate have an insane amount of fun, but all three of them got exhausted from swimming. They went on a group big floater down an artificial brook, got up on an enormous pirate boat full of parents accompanying their kids up on the mast, swam on a pretend beach with real waves, and, best of all, waited down a giant bucket that, after each half hour, turned around to pour a shower of water on a dozen people.

When the sun set, they took a cab back to the hotel shivering, with wet hair, some water inside their ears, and pruney fingers.

It was a very good day. He hadn’t- They hadn’t had a day like this in… months. The last time he remembered was in the winter break when they went to Perth to tell his parents about… well. And then… well.

But Daniel was getting that warm, fuzzy feeling once again. Knacred to the bone after a day of getting crazy-distracted by all the colorful attractions and running after his sprinter-promise kid. His chest was warm with the sight of his sleepy wife on the other side of the back seat, head resting against the seat, looking out to the window for the bright lights of the city, the nocturn life buzzing – the beaches were full, the restaurants even more, kids played in rollerbladers by the sidewalks and couples shared coconut water by the breeze of the waves. A new atmosphere could do miracles.

“A penny for your thoughts”, he murmured, catching her attention.

Els blinked when she turned to face him. Between them, Nate slept heavily and peacefully, just by looking at his drolling and the way his hands already let go of his plush dinosaur, Daniel knew he’d just wake up tomorrow.

“I…” she trailed off, barely a whisper. It was only them, by the passing streetlights reflecting on her profile, that Daniel could see her eyes glistening. “I always wanted to do this. Go there.”

Her voice was low and soft. Soothing. It reminded him of all the times she called him after races when she couldn’t go with him, always offering cheery congrats over good results and comforting encouragement after bad ones. Each time, it always ended with him wanting her close, saying whatever personally, within an arm's reach.

“To the Beach Park?” he asked.

She nodded. Daniel couldn’t tell if it was emotional information or a sad one, but he could see there was more to it, hidden behind all the layers of the defense she had laid between her heart and the world.

Over the years, very little by little, Eleonor had told him bits of her history before going to Europe. Each time, he felt peeking through a window and watching one of those tragical Disney princesses’ backstories. She never told him everything, that he was for sure, but enough to make him understand. Why she was afraid of coming back, why she just wanted to forget it forever.

After all this time, he learned how to recognize the nostalgic face she made when remembering it, and he had learned, by experience, that there was nothing to do but respectfully wait to see if she was going to share it with him or not.

“We should go to the game either, yeah?” He offered, trying to cheer her up.

Her lips curved a bit up as she nodded. They had heard about it in the hotel earlier while having breakfast, about Flamengo being in town.

Halfway through the way, his phone rang, disrupting the soft atmosphere and startling them both. It was even more of a shock to see who it was calling. Daniel looked at the screen for about three rings, the whole numbness to the world from the day slowly washing off.

“Oi, Boss!”, he picked up, trying to sound somewhat cheery, “How is it going?”

“Hello, Daniel! How is summer going?” Zak’s American accent came muffled by other clicking sounds around as if he was surrounded by factory work.

“It’s just day one, mate, not enough time for me to cause trouble”, he phrased carefully, hearing a little laugh in response, “And you, already on Sin City or whatever you Americans do in free time?”

Daniel couldn’t help but wonder what was the matter of it. Was he in a good mood? Was he in Woking? In the MTC? He couldn’t be, it was summer break. Except, the official 14-day mandatory shutdown was starting on… Monday, yes, three days ahead still. Despite him and Lando being free right after Hungary…

“Oh, I’m still stuck here in Woking.”

Dang. One point to Ricciardo.

“I’m calling, actually, because you’re probably getting an e-mail now from Andreas. Just to let you know we’ve had a brief talk about strategy, and we’re forwarding a few details to you guys to check.”

“Uh, all right.”

“Nothing much. Just getting everything good to go before part 2, and get those points we’re needing.”

Oh, tell him.

“And on the best shape for Monza, of course.”

Daniel felt a tight knot in his stomach, taking longer to answer than he should.

“Sure, uh”, he cleared his throat, “Sure, Zak. I’ll check it.”

“Very good”, he said, despite his tone not sounding good at all, “Have a good break. See you, uh… see you!”

He hadn’t even realized they were already back at the hotel, Els taking out Nate’s seatbelt. He lowered his phone, she eyed him carefully.

“All good?”

“Yep. Yeah. Just…” he didn’t even know what that meant. Collin or Franz never called him during the break, not even Christian, much less Cyril and, God-forbid, Helmut Marko. So.

“Work?”, she tried.

“Yes. That.”

There was something in her expression he couldn’t identify. But he prompted them to get out of the car and carry up their stuff to take it upstairs, while she carried a profoundly sleeping Nate.

Once they got up to their room, so tidy and comfy, Daniel only wanted to mindless collapse in bed but painfully recalled one last thing he couldn’t call it a day without doing.

“ I’m going to the gym”, he told Els after changing into the proper clothes. Outside, the sun had just set. He didn’t actually like training at night, but it’d have to do, “I’ll be back in an hour or two.”

She was already in her PJs, getting comfy in shuffling the bed covers before getting under them.

“Two hours?”, she turned to look at him, shocked.

Daniel grabbed his water bottle and headphones.

“Just to keep up with the junk food from lunch.”

And left before she could say anything else.

Chapter Text

On day two, they had lunch at the beach, built sandcastles, and tried the “real” coconut water, as Eleonor proudly described it (which was, by far, the best coconut water Daniel has had in his entire life, though he’d never admit it).

On day three, they went on a buggy ride in the sloping dunes. And although the staff swore it was completely safe for kids, Eleonor still didn’t trust to take Nate with them, which gave them a 30-min quarrel about child safety and adrenaline junkies, but, in the end, the three of them went down the hill. And Nate loved it – laughing, and putting his arms up as they descended and his mother screamed and Daniel laughed when he almost slipped from his arms (though he’d never admit that, too).

Then, they tried to take official tourist pictures at the end of the sandy hill, except Nate chose to make funny faces instead of smiling at the camera.

“Come on, Nate”, Eleonor tried to indulge him, almost desperate, “Just a little smile”.

He smiled for a millisecond before making another frown, laughing at her.

“He’s so getting to you”, Daniel couldn’t help but find it amusing.

“Yeah, just like someone I know”, she smiled at him.

In the end, the pictures, as messy as they were, looked adorable.

At night, they were all very tired but couldn’t let go of their familiar night routine, including the most important thing: the bedtime story. When Daniel got out of the bathroom, right after brushing his teeth, Nate was laid back on the bed while Eleonor was sitting in front of him, telling wonders and adventures of superheroes who were secretly figures from ancient Greece.

Daniel lay on his son’s side, trying to catch up on the plot. After a few minutes, he picked something about a boat and sea creatures. Theseus, he supposed.

“... and then, with the force of his big, big arms, he held up the boat’s mast with his bare hands and guided the ship through the storm!”

Damn… That was Odisseus, not Theseus. Daniel wasn’t quite caught up on it yet.

“He resisted the thunder. And the lighting. And even the waves of the size of the mighty paw patrol tower!”

Daniel noticed how her lips almost weren’t moving as she signed. It struck him how she was abandoning the beginner habit of talking while signing. It made him, very guiltily and unconsciously, worry about Nate's lip-reading ability, but Daniel shoved that thought aside in order to preserve the soft atmosphere forming, as the little one slowly descended to sleep and Els turned off the main lamp of the room. There was only the soft light of the lampshade on, alongside the far humming of waves through the window.

"I can’t believe he's going to school in just a few weeks..." Eleonor whispered, a hand running through the hair of their sleeping son. She looked over to Daniel with a little pout.

"Stop", Daniel raised a brow at her, though he couldn't stop his lips from curving up.

"What?" She faked innocence, voice still low.

"I know you're already thinking about graduation, and college, and... retirement plans. There's a lot of time for that".

Daniel stretched his arms up his head, tired and relaxed, while Els scooted up in bed, sitting with her legs crossed.

"You’re right", she murmured.

Though he couldn't ignore the ache in his own heart. It looked like it was just yesterday when they came home from the hospital with their little package of love and entered a completely new life of three.

"I'm so excited about the game tomorrow", she confessed, biting her lower lip right after.

Daniel's heart skipped a beat, he couldn't even try to cover his mirrored excitement.

"Yeah?"

She nodded.

"The other guys? They suck. We are absolutely going to crush them".

‘We’, she said, as if they both were heading to the football field alongside the eleven players. As if they both were part of it, together. Daniel smiled nonetheless. Feeling part of something so nice and welcoming was strangely weird to him

"I bet we are..."

It might be strange. But of course, it was good. It made him all fuzzy and perhaps a little too emotional for his liking. So he settled for a change in the topic once Els moved up on the bed, reaching for the bedside table to pick up her book.

“Argh. No!” He protested, indignant though softly.

She closed her eyes and pressed the cover of that brick of pages against her forehead, in a silent prayer.

“Just leave me alone”, she grumbled lowly.

Daniel moved to carry Nate to his own bed, saying:

“This is summer break. You better be having fun when I come back.”

When he came back, two minutes later, he wasn’t expecting the vision in sight. Eleonor sat up against the headboard, knees propped up against her chest, a concentration frown between her dark eyebrows. She had one pencil in one hand and a little booklet in the other.

Crosswords.

She was doing crosswords. Daniel knew immediately by the way her tongue was slightly popping out and the pencil was trembling nervously between her fingers. He couldn’t remember the last time she had… Jesus, it had been months.

“Oh”, she glanced up at him, standing at the edge of the bed like a statue, “Do you know the thing we use after a shower that ends with a C?”

It accidentally brought him back images of her laying still, eyes swollen, covered in sheets and used tissues, in the dark of closed curtains and a shattered heart. His own chest loosened at this difference. At this progress.

“Sorry?” He blinked, moving slowly to return to the mattress, sheepish like a preyer in the woods, scared to disturb the placid ambiance of the earth on its axis.

“Never mind, got it. Do you know who’s Lou Gehrig?”

Daniel reclined himself slowly against a mountain of fluffy pillows, clenching his jaw so his grin wouldn’t break his face in half.

“Daniel?” She giggled, looking at him with expectation for an answer he didn’t have.

“What”, he smiled unbothered.

“That’s what I ask you”, she shot back, lowering the booklet on her lap and cocking her head a bit to the left, “What’s that look?”

“Nothing”, he half shrugged, knowing them well he was probably looking like an idiot in love.

“It’s something!”

“It’s not.”

“It is!” She nudged his shoulder with the back of her almighty pencil.

“All right…” he gave in, with a sly smile, couldn’t resist the power of that yellow school pencil she used to do those boring crosswords. The familiarity of the banter, the mundaneness of sitting side by side in soft pajamas, put him in an ease he hadn’t felt in a long, long, time. So much so he couldn't help but admit: “I think I’m getting old”.

“What”, her instant reaction was to laugh, fitting to the randomness of the statement.

“Yeah”, he said, still light and calm, “I think I’m getting old, and slow and… I don’t know, bad at driving”.

Her smile fell, giving place to an astonished and surprised expression. He didn’t know where that came from. ‘You’re such a nerd’, that was what he thought of saying, distant and funny. But there was something about this… this Els. His Els, who made crosswords again, and giggled at him and sounded so secure and safe and wise that he simply…

“Daniel…” her voice was soft and worried as she laid down her booklet and stretched her legs to turn to him. “What… where is that coming from?”

Daniel shrugged, and looked away to the turned-off TV, a sudden crippling anxiety rising up to his chest and making his breath hitch. The kind of anxiety that has been with him, he noticed, throughout the whole season.
“I… just, you know”, he shrugged again, “What people have been saying”.
“No, I don’t”, she stated firmly, “And you shouldn’t pay attention to it, too”.
The truth is, he was always anxious before races. The difference was that, before, the anxiousness was anticipation, electricity running through his nerves, his body begging to be taken to the edge. And now, the anxiousness was panic, the bolting of nervousness making his chest hollow and his audacity run and hider. He wouldn’t say he was sacred, no. He knew the day he got scared before jumping in an F1 car was the day his career ended. But still… he didn’t know when he went from one to another.
He didn’t know how the great Honey Badger, outscoring a 4-time world champion in his first year at the team, became a pathetic midfielder. He didn’t know how he went from “king of the late break” to constantly underperforming. Future World Champion to Washed.
Eleonor sighed when he didn’t say anything else.
“Dan, you know how things are”, she lamented, softer and gentler. He looked at her to find kind eyes and a sorry smile. “People always have something stupid to say, it doesn’t mean anything. You know that, right?”
There was a familiar hope in her voice, one that made him wish to turn everything right again if he could.
“It 's just that…”, he huffed, ran a hand through his hair, “I kinda think they’re right. This time.”
“No…” she lamented, as if he had told her the Bills lost or the summer was over, and scooted closer, knees pressing at the side of his tight. “No, no, no, oh God. Don’t get there. There’s no- come on, rationally, you know there’s no reason for it, right?”
No, he didn’t. His recent data certainly didn’t either.
“Stop”, she said before he could even answer, certain as the sun would rise, “You are a good driver. You are good at what you do, come on…”
“I appreciate it, really”, he nodded with a thankful tap on her knee, “But I know it’s not the truth anymore.”
“Dan-”
“I just don’t… get it anymore and… argh”, he rubbed his free hand over his face, trying to scrub some of the tiredness away, “The car sucks. This car is…”
There were no words for it, so he let out a frustrated groan instead. Els pressed her lips in a thoughtful line.
“Well, if it's not such a good season, it happens”, her tone was so light he almost believed it, “You can work at the MTC, and work with the mechanics, give feedback, and make the car…”
She stopped upon seeing his expression. Daniel was sorrowful, but deeply grateful for all the years together that allowed her to read him so well. So much that he didn’t even have to say it out loud, but he did it anyway. Because he needed to tell someone, and he was glad it could be her and there, away from all that mess.
“They haven’t…” he cleared his throat. It wasn’t that easy. “They haven’t been exactly eager to listen to what I have to say”.
Eleonor closed her eyes for a second, letting out a saddened breath.
“Oh, honey…”, she put a hand on his shoulder. Her thumb rubbed soothing circles there.
“The car sucks. I hate it. I can’t late brake because there’s not enough grip and each time I suggest an adjustment nobody agrees the problem is the car”.
The problem was him, but that part was too cruel and could be left out of his raw late-night confession.
“Oh, Dan… I’m so sorry”, she lamented, truthful and warm, and Daniel was infinitely grateful for it, for her getting it. “This is… so awful.”
They stayed like this for a second, just the silence of sharing the same emotions and burdens you get. And it might be a terrible thing to say, but Daniel missed this. Going through stuff together.
That is, until she said, very low and carefully.
“Is that… is that why you’re struggling with…” The words hung in the air as if she was expecting him to capture the rest of it.
He faced her, a bit defensive but mostly confused.
“What?”
“You know…” he didn’t know. She pursed her lips apprehensively, her eyes full of worry, “With eating.”
Despite being still for a handful of seconds, Daniel still froze. Or maybe he just got cold all over.
“I’m not struggling with eating”, he scoffed a bit, finding it absurd. “I’m not struggling with anything”.
Eleonor opened her mouth, thought for a second, and closed it. Tried again.
“Honey.”
“What?”, he removed his hand from her knee as if ready to cross his arms, “I open up about something that’s bothering me and you just point out some other nonsense that has nothing to do with anything?”
She frowned deeply, her thumb freezing on his shoulder.
“This isn’t nonsense, I’m just trying to help.”
The hurt in her voice alerted something in him. He hadn’t even realized he had tilted his chin up and clenched his jaw, so he took a deep breath in and let another out. His eyes averted the conflict, looking at the sheets. At the crossword in progress there.
“I can be worried about you, you know…” Eleonor murmured lowly, almost apprehensive.
Daniel forced himself to look up, to move forward and past all the things that have been setting them apart.
“I know, I know…” he nodded, more to reaffirm himself than anything. “I’m sorry.”
He was earnest in it, and he hoped she could see it. Eleonor made a slight pout but didn’t press further.
“It 's okay… I’m… sorry too”.
Daniel wasn’t sure what she was sorry for. He was sure of very few things.
“It’s alright. It’s been a tough year, we just need to rest.”
“Yeah”, she agreed.
However, despite her tight, reassuring smile, he could see in her eyes, clear as water, that she was far from letting it go.

+++

The atmosphere started in the stadium surroundings. Eleonor had said it was one of the biggest teams in the country, but Daniel did not expect that crowd.

It vividly reminded him of the Ferrari red sea of Tifosi in Monza, the energetic red cheering fans. Except this one seemed more... vibrant. They were all wearing variations of black and red jerseys, caps, flags, and face paint. And there was music coming from somewhere, it sounded like a haughty team chant, and people were dancing and vibing to it as if it was a routine soundtrack to days like these.

Els acted as if it was, in fact, normal. This organized chaos of expectation and happiness. Daniel was careful not to lose her sight in the midst of that thrilling sea of people. In his arms, Nate was as surprised as amazed as him, eyes surveilling around with curiosity for every detail.

Soon the stadium grew over them, and there was no line, only a gathering of people holding tickets.

“You said premium cabins?”. Els came closer to ask by his ear, her voice muffled by the music and cheers and food being sold and directions being shouted.

“Yeah. Sector A.”

“Right”, then she mumbled some things he assumed to be ‘this way then’, but it was more lipreading than hearing it.

Sector A entrance was a fresh breath. It was placed after a set of concrete stairs, elevated from the other gates, with fewer people, but as enthusiastic as everyone else.

“Oh God”, he mumbled looking back to where they emerged from. It was... insane. Looking up from there, a bit scary even, waves and waves of people coming. Some groups sang organized chants he couldn't understand, but he got the vibe.

“Crazy, no?”

“Crazy!? This is... oh my freaking cow balls. Doesn't the other team have fans too?” He wondered, genuinely. Because until now he didn't even have an idea of who was going to play against Flamengo.

“Not like us”, Els drew a smug smile, her eyebrows adorably wiggling with presumption, before conceding with a giggle, “But yes, they do. But they are on the other side of the stadium. They'll be separated in there, you'll see.”

She tugged him to the sector A gate, where they checked the credentials and got in the arena.

Up there, they found themselves at the top of the stands. There was a black and red fog almost covering the field. In the midst of it, points of red flashing lights shone and glistened.

“Holy mother chucking jelly”, Daniel murmured approaching their seats and looking out to the crowd outside.

“That’s just pre-game excitement”, she explained, “They can’t do it during the game, so we have to do it now”

“I’m starting to get why you and Melissa get so feral watching it on TV.”

She drew a sweet smile at the thought.

“She’d be so jealous…” she murmured, taking her phone out of her purse and taking a pic to send to the girl, who stayed back having French classes and ‘hunting a movie star in search of a wife’, as she had said. “You know what? Remember when Lando went for the Palmeiras game when you guys came for Interlagos last year?”

Daniel pondered, acknowledgment slowly gracing his expression.

“Yeah.”

“Well, they are one of our biggest rivals.”

“No way”, a bemused grin, “I gotta show him this.”

Now he took his phone out of his pocket to send his teammate a picture. Right when he was flashing it, glittery red fireworks exploded in the sky right above the yet-empty field. Nate looked up a bit startled, Eleonor crouched down beside him with a smile. He was adorable, with the team's jersey matching theirs.

“See! Fireworks! Cool, right?” she prompted, enthusiastically.

He nodded uncertainly, trying to figure out if it was indeed cool or not. Daniel tapped his shoulder and asked if he wanted to see from up, Nate smiled instantly raising his arms and Daniel picked him up with ease, putting him to sit on his shoulders.

Their section quickly was almost full, though the VIP area had significantly fewer seats than the regular ones, separated by a glass division a few seats away.

When the time for the game to start clocked, the dense fog had already dissipated, clearing the view. The home team had their cheers on the other side, almost as much as them. Then, a melody started on the loudspeakers, a suspense soundtrack that could be the opening for Jurassic Park.

They all stood up to watch the players, then, entered the field. As the match narrator announced each of their names, the crowd erupted in claps and shouts and theme songs they had for each, and, with the same intensity, booing the rivals.

Daniel looked at her horrified. When the referee blew the whistle and the ball rolled, the arena erupted in cheers just like at any other significant movement before, out of a pure passion for the sport and a craving for a good result. Some people watched it sat down, some people stayed up from minute one. During the game itself, the chanting became more aggressive, and all emotions surfaced.

“What are they singing now?”

“It's bad words”, she laughed, a bit flushed.

“Oh, I'm sorry they are polluting your innocent ears”, he mocked, “You know what, I’m starting to get why you have such a sailor mouth.”

“All right, it's ‘Se fudeu, Vidal Apareceu’. They're saying the other team is fucked because Vidal entered the match.”

“The number 32?”, he squinted at the field.

“Yeah.”

“He's that good?”

“Honestly, I don't know. But I'll go along with it”

He laughed. It was still zero to zero. People screamed and jumped at every near-goal, every pass, every block to the other team's attempt to score. And, with the same life investment, they lamented and cried to mistakes, as if they were on the verge of a heart attack.

Nate’s eyes were wide and attentive, looking up to the occasional fireworks and down to his mother with a questioning expression. Eleonor caught him in her arms, having a quick and enthusiastic chat.

“He must be feeling the vibrations”, she commented to Daniel.

“I'm damn sure. Even I am feeling it.”

Because when their team scored a goal the entire stadium erupted in screams and jumps, with beers being thrown up and the bleachers balancing with the celebrations.

At some point, the guy on the other side of Eleonor turned to talk something to her, a look of disbelief and a tone of mocking, she answered with the same vibe, as if they were long terms workmates talking shit about their boss. Hearing the exchange between them, a woman on the front stand turned back to complement the exchange with a roll of her eyes, saying something that made the three of them laugh before returning to their previous stances.

“Do you know them?” Daniel asked curiously.

“What? No.” She laughed it off as if the assumption was absurd.

That was another thing about Brazilians, it was really hard to tell who were strangers and who were long well-known mates. It made everything infinitely funnier.

Two hours later, they had won by three goals to zero, and the ecstasy Daniel felt was equivalent as if he had been waiting for that for his whole life. It made him a bit dizzy and hot. Perhaps not the winning game part, but the genuine joy that made him smile, hug his family, and, maybe a bit dramatic, sit down and exhale loudly.

“All right”, Eleonor signed to them after taking a few pictures with his GoPro and the ghost of a smile still on her lips, “We better get going to get traffic”.

What reminded him…

“Wait!” He got up way too fast, “There’s one more thing for us to do here”

She eyed him with both curiosity and surprise.

“Where?”

Daniel wiggled his eyebrows with suspense, proud of himself for the idea.

“It’s a surprise…” he half-sang, before lacing their hands together and guiding them inside the stadium.

+ + +

Eleonor was jaw-dropped all the way down to the field. Daniel smiled proudly by her side, Nate jumping along while holding his hand.

When they arrived there, the stadium was already empty and there was a little PR team to conduct the entire thing, take pictures, and this kind of stuff. Blake would kill Daniel for not telling him but it was worth it because, oh my God, Eleonor was a fangirl.

She could barely answer the hi's and the hello's and three players greeted them on the lit-up night field. The PR guys made the introductions – Pedro, Gabigol, Arrascaeta, Daniel, Eleonor, and little Nate –, mentioning he was from Formula 1 and everything.

“I drive for Mclaren”, he felt the need to comment, for some reason.

The players exchanged an amusing look of understanding.

“Is the team of Senna, no?” Gabigol asked, eyebrows shooting up.

“Yes!” Els answered with a smile to bug for her face, hands wrapped around Daniel's forearms as if to keep herself on the ground from floating away with joy. “And it's his first time watching you guys, he's absolutely speechless! I'm speechless! Holy fuck”

“Yeah, I take my hat for you”, Daniel smiled at his wife’s reaction, “this was insane. insane. We used to watch it at home, but not the same, by far.”

They all smiled at him like fools.

“You have to go to the Maracanã. One day.” Gabigol, the one who lived up to his name hy scoring the first goal of the match, laughed at their awe. “It will shock you!”

“And who's this little guy?”, the Blonde one, Pedro, crouched smiling to Nate.

Daniel opened his mouth but Eleonor was faster, like a Tiger.

“This is Nate-Nate”, she signed while speaking, “He is deaf”.

“Oh”, that didn't seem to surprise Pedro a bit, who started signing excitedly something that caught Nate's attention.

Daniel didn't understand a single thing about it, which led him to conclude it was Portuguese sign language.

“Uh, he doesn't know Lib-”.

Jokes on him. The words died in his mouth as his son raised up his hands, with a big smile, to answer whatever the football player had said to him. Eleonor's hands tightened around his arm.

“All right” Pedro announced, standing up and motioning to Nate to follow him where a ball was forgotten near the goal post, “He said he's going to beat me. You better take pictures”.

Daniel stared at the scene utterly speechless. He glanced at Els and saw her eyes glistening shyly, and she smiled at him as if they started a secret silent thought. And he smiled back at her, mentally agreeing.

And the guys were all nice and easygoing. And the conversation flowed like water at their sympathy. They had more to talk about than anyone would've thought, especially when Eleonor, not so casually, mentioned they knew Lucas Paquetá, one of their former players who was in a British league team now.

They only left, several minutes later, after someone came by to say they needed to close the field. On the corridors, heading out, just the three of them again, Eleonor murmured.

“You’re insane”. There was a loose smile on her lips, and she looked down at the ground exhausted and disbelieving.

“This is a payback”, Daniel joked, “For the Nobel Prize ceremony”.

Eleonor laughed out loud, hands covering her flushed expression.

“Fair enough”, she conceded, coming closer to bump their shoulders together. Daniel took the lead to wrap one arm around her shoulders. “I’ll have a lot of work to make up for that and take the lead again”.

A few steps ahead, Nate was playing with the ball he won from the game, running after it just to kick it again.

“And to think it all started with a simple WEC weekend…” he murmured. On his hide, Eleonor smiled and covered the hand he had on her shoulder with her own.

“Well. I’m curious to see where else this can go.”

Once they were outside, waiting for the cab, she asked:

“Why don’t we go to that pizzeria we saw uptown and play your favorite game, uh? ‘Is that real Italian or just delicious bullshit’?”

Daniel froze, halfway through checking his phone, mouth agape, and eyes widened.

“What?”, she asked, confused, after he didn't say anything.
“Uh…” he jolted back in motion, averting her eyes, “Not a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Just not in the mood for pizza…” he tried to shrug, tried to sound normal about it.

“Not in the mood for pizza?” She frowned with a humorless smile at how absurd that sounded coming from him, “Since when?”

“Since now”, he snapped, a bit coarse out of nowhere, causing her to shut her mouth apprehensively. “Sorry… Just. Sorry”, he muttered lowly, turning to look at her. “I’m just not in the mod. For, uh, Pizza.”

Eleonor swallowed the discomfort, masking her uneasiness.

“Okay…” she nodded, slowly, eyeing him attentively.

“You can have it if you’d like”, he said calmly, apologetically, “But I don’t.”

“It’s all right, Daniel.”
“You know I can’t get crazy out of the diet, not even during breaks.”

There was that crease up his forehead, the way there was when he was worried, and he licked his lips as he did when he was nervous.

“I know…” she conceded calmly, though a bit defensive, “But I thought you liked pizza once in a while.”

“I do. Just not often.”

“And when was the last time you had it?”

He stayed quiet. They hadn’t gone out for dinner since January and Noemi always followed Michael's sayings at home. If he had gone out with the guys during races, all of them had to keep their diets anyway – and the only time he strayed out of it was to get a single piece of cake slice on his birthday, more than a month before. They stayed looking at each other like that until she shook her head dismissively. They had a great day, it was stupid to argue over whether he liked pizza or not.

“Forget it. It’s fine”, she assured.

“Really?” He inquired with a mix of suspicion and relief.

“Yeah. We can go somewhere else.”

There was a challenge in her voice, something that put Daniel on the edge, for some reason.

“Yes. We can.”

“Perfect.”

“It is perfect.”

+++

They went to a very nice place by the seashore, with a view to the ocean, lit up by the fire and a lot of bamboo on the entrance, and things that reminded him of the Moana movie.

They choose a table near the window and far from the piano in the center of the room, read the menus, and pick two full meals and one kid version's. The whole time, Eleonor was shooting stolen glances at Daniel, as if she was expecting to catch something if he didn't pay enough attention.

It set Daniel on the edge. As if he was being monitored.

When they were on to the dessert, Nate was already fast asleep in Eleonor's arms, and Daniel asked:

“Are you all right?”

She squinted at him.

“Yes”, and then, “Are you all right?”

“You tell me…” he muttered, spooning his ice cream, “Seems like you've been analyzing me all night”.

She stayed quiet for a moment, eyes still fixed on him.

“You've been struggling with eating”.

And there it was, the same stupidity from last night. Daniel dropped his spoon on the plate, that was absurd.

“Stop it.”

“Come on, talk to me…”

“Stop it…”

“I know you're having a hard time, but that doesn't need to make you sick”, there was a begging in her tone, something deep and full of things she couldn't say.

“That's not fair. You don’t know what I’ve been going through, the kind of pressure-”, he stopped. Lowered his tone, “The kind of pressure I’m under. How I’m underper- No, more than underperforming I’m washed.”

“Well, how could I know? You don’t speak to me. You come home and sit on your computer-”

“No…”

“And have meetings and train on the gym and say all is fine-”

“No, it’s not-”

“When clearly nothing is fine!”

She tried not to be too agitated considering Nate peacefully sleeping on her arms, his mouth half agape and his hand over his belly, but it was hard to remain plain and simple.

“Well, you tell me about it. Because when I try to have that conversation you beg me to let it slide.”

“It’s different.” She muttered, low and small.

“It’s not. Different. Eleonor.” he stressed. “My supposed eating disorder, our dead child… It’s literally the same.”

He could as well have punched her in the gut.

“It’s not. Daniel.” She said his name as if meant something more. “I cannot stress this enough, you don’t get to say this.”

Her look was like daggers against him, which only made him angrier.

“No, no, no, no. Don’t do this.”

“I’m not…”

“Don’t try to rationalize something that obviously it’s all, ugh, unwrapped, messed up emotions.” he struggled to explain it, hands motioning trying to make it sound right but sounding all wrong.

“This is not messed-”

“It’s messed up. A lot messed up.” and once he started, he couldn't stop it. “I have been by your side through all of this. I have been through a lot of bad stuff too, but I have been putting all this aside to be the strong one, but I can't take it on my own. I can be the good guy 24/7. And you can't get away with everything just because you were the pregnant one.”

Daniel didn't know where all that came from – probably somewhere dark and sick hidden between his ribs, enough to make his wife look at him as if she didn't recognize him anymore.

“What.”

“Yeah”, he forced himself to back up his own mess, “That.”

Her face twisted in shock and indignation.

“You don't have to say it. Fuck this.” She straightened up her spine, ready to pull her guns out “I Never invalidated your feelings. I Never did that. I said... I said you could tell me-”

“How?” he exclaimed, his voice a bit too desperate, “Uh? When? When you were crying all day or maybe when you're not even letting me sleep near you?”

“That 's not fair.” Her nostrils flared.

“Yes. Right. It's not fair. It's not fair to me too. You know?”

Nothing on this whole thing was fair. They were young and happy and, suddenly, everything turned into a tragedy, and grief, and too much crying and fighting and so much pain they didn't know what to do with it.

“Well, you have no idea what I’m going through too. Having to deal with this… insurmountable grief and something so heavy I have no idea even how to start processing it”

“Wha-” he scoffed, not believing what he was hearing, “I’m going through it too, did you know?”

“Really?” She pointed out, acid. “Are you?”

Now she might as well have punched him in the gut. Daniel's whole upper body fell, tons of guilt weighing on his back. Tons of angry thoughts making him rebuff, very low:

“Don’t you dare”.

That hit a not-turning-back spot in the conversation because he chewed the inside of his cheek and didn’t speak another word for the rest of the meal. And because she knew she would mess up if she pressed further, she didn’t speak another word for the rest of the meal too.

Minutes later, he stared at the card machine after pressing his password. Loading. His mind flooded with zillions of questions. When the payment was approved with a ding from the machine, the realization hit him: he was doing it all wrong.

Of course, it only made sense. He was being a terrible husband, an absent and, therefore, terrible one. And he surely must have been a terrible father too. The whole thing with the cochlear must be only the tip of the iceberg. Add that to being a terrible driver too, apparently, and-

“Sir?”

Daniel looked up at the confused waiter.

“Your receipt?” he asked. It seemed like a stupid question considering everything else going on at the moment.

“Hm. No.” He mumbled, picking up his wallet, “Thanks.”

He added way too late and way too low, the guy probably didn’t even hear it. Well, he might as well be a terrible customer and human being too, right?

“We should go back”, Eleonor murmured at some point after the waiter left them.

She barely looked him in the eye. Daniel nodded silently. With the least possible international, they gathered up their things and got ready to leave.

What had she meant by that? He couldn’t even put into words how much it shattered his heart to know she thought that… he wasn’t suffering? He couldn’t help but follow her out with a frown to the ground. He wouldn’t put it like that but… okay, he was angry.

He was very much angry.

The reception was practically empty, except for a couple of incoming customers waiting for a table. When they were walking out, though, one of them, a man, walked to meet them, recognition on his face.

Shit, Daniel thought, because he assumed he was a fan and wouldn't be timing a bitch. But, once the man got closer, his attention was fixed on Eleonor. She had frozen on the spot, which made Daniel alert.

The man was saying something in Portuguese, smiling at her excitedly. Maybe he was an old friend, right?

But Els was so... on the edge. She didn't say a word, she was completely motionless, and her arms were tight around Nate. Protective almost. As the man kept talking and talking. She took a step back, bumping into Daniel's side. Ok, that was enough.

“Hm, excuse me”, He put a hand over her shoulder, hoping the man would speak English, “Is everything okay?”

The man looked at him as if noticing Daniel for the first time. He looked as old as him, pale skin and dark hair, his expression remaining stoic.

“Hm... Yes. Hello. Nice to meet you, the great Daniel Ricciardo! I am Lucas. Eleonor's brother.”

Fuck. How the hell... just... Fuck. That couldn't be happening. That couldn't be happening at that exact point in history.

“Mate, I think you better get going”, Daniel clenched his jaw and raised his eyebrows slightly, not trusting himself to say anything further.

“No, wait…”, he was still smiling, unbothered, “I'm just talking to my lovely sister. I'm sure she wants to-”

He made a move to touch her arm, and Daniel promptly put himself between them, his blood boiling in an instant.

“Don't you dare get near her”, he snarled, as firm as a rock, blocking the dude.

The tension turned tick so he could cut it with a knife. Without wavering, Daniel made a sign to guide Eleonor out, to follow their way out and never look back.

And the guy started speaking fast and confusingly, and, at each word, Eleonor winced. Daniel didn't speak Portuguese properly, but he knew some words. But He for sure knew what ‘surdinho’ meant.

The next thing he knew, his fist was bumping straight into the guy's nose.

The knuckles of his right hand met bone and flesh, and the strength he used was enough to make his fingers throb and his blood boil. Lucas took a few wrong and misleading steps back. He looked back at Daniel with wide eyes and a hand on his face, blood raining down his nose.

The receptionist had stood up in shock, the whole lobby seemed silent and horrified. But Daniel was far from caring. He was near to punch the guy again.

“Don't you dare get near my family ever again”, he snarled. Low and firm, enough to set the seriousness of the situation.

Lucas' expression turned offended and mad, as he was about to say something, but Daniel felt a firm hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see Eleonor, biting her lower trembling lip with a firm look, she simply motioned her head towards the exit.

Daniel wasn't sure how they got back to the hotel after that.

He wasn't sure who called a taxi, if it took them minutes or hours to finally get in their room. All he knew was that he only relaxed again once Nate was in his bed, fast asleep holding a fluffy giraffe.

Daniel looked down at him for long, silent minutes, blood running in his ears. Words heavy on his chest. Something hollow and dry in his throat.

Once he calmed down enough to take a deep breath, he looked around and saw himself alone in the dark room. It took him a few seconds to remember where Eleonor had gone.

He opened the bathroom door and found her sitting on the ground, knees pressed to her chest and arms tight around them as she looked at the ground. She raised her swollen, red eyes to look at him.

“Is Nate okay?” her voice was hoarse.

“Yeah”, Daniel swallowed a lump in his throat. “He… he is deep asleep.”

She nodded before tucking her chin between her knees again, staring at the wall.

“Thank you”, she whispered without looking at him.

Daniel stayed by the door, his hand still on the doorknob. He considered for what seemed to be a minute of silence. Then he decided to get fully inside, closing the door behind him and crouching to sit by her side.

At first, she stayed immobile, not even acknowledging his presence. And he was still not sure what to do. After a beat, he said:

“Listen, I'm sorry for…”

Then she collapsed. Crying. Weeping. Curving more into herself as the tears rolled, and rolled, and rolled. Sobbing.

Daniel reacted automatically, putting one arm around her, trying to be useful. To his surprise, Eleonor lowered her legs so she could fully lean into him. She had her face covered in her hands, sobbing, now lying over his chest. Daniel embraced her completely while his heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces.

“It's okay, it's okay”, he murmured soothingly, his hand moving in slow circles over her back. Even though nothing was okay at all, he tried to make her believe it for a second. “It's okay.”

They stayed like this for a very long time. She, crying as if a piece of her heart was being taken apart. He, trying to glue it back.

It was uncomfortable to sit on the bathroom floor after a long day. But that's what you do for the person you love. You stay. Even in cold bathrooms after long arguments and broken hearts. And Eleonor needed him because she was grabbing his shirt and bawling her eyes out, trying not to be too loud. So Daniel rested his chin over her head and held her closer to his chest, for a blink of an eye and a lifetime. As long as she needed it.

Chapter Text

After what seemed half an hour of trying to keep his eyes closed, Daniel couldn’t ignore the on-and-off sound from afar. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, second-guessing all his life choices. These days it seemed that the more confusion there was in his life, the more comfortable the bed got. On the other hand, he figured that maybe Eleonor deserved that extra minutes of sleep more than him that morning. He glanced to his side, seeing her covered up head to toe with the sheets while the Sun entered through the wide window, despite being hot as hell. He had taken his shirt off at some point in the a.m. and was now trying to mellow into the comfy pillow. But there was the sound again. Soft voices and a cough. And another one.

Daniel grunted squinting his eyes. His brain was slowly waking as he realized: Nate. Their personal alarm in the form of a toddler wasn’t there yet and it was less likely that he was still asleep and very more likely that he was up to something. So he got up from the bed.

He dragged his feet towards the sound, the living room, with a long soundful yawn. He soon noticed the small figure curled on the couch using… yep, that was his cellphone on YouTube on Paw Patrol. He dropped on the couch next to his son, and, with the movement, the little one flickered his eyes towards him.

“Good morning, buddy.”

He smiled. His PJs crumpled, his curls stuck up in all directions, and with a bit of a running nose, Daniel reached up to clean using the hem of his shirt.

“Already up and watching?”

He made an unsatisfactory scowl.

“Uncle B is messing.”

Daniel frowned.

“What do you mean?”

As if on cue, the YouTube video was interrupted by an incoming video call from Blake.

“Again…” Nate pouted, dropping the phone on the couch dramatically.

“Excuse me, one second,” he said quickly before picking up the phone and answering.

“Hey, mat–”

But before he could finish the sentence, Blake’s desperate face screamed at him.

“Oh My Goodness! You’re alive, thank God!” He scrapped a hand over his face, agitated, angry, and relieved, all at once. “I’ve been trying to talk to you it’s been two hours! Two hours! Nate said you were sleeping and Eleonor’s phone is de–”

“Wait, wait”, Daniel blinked, a hand over his beard. He looked at the top of his screen. “It’s seven am, mate.”

“It’s seven pm, here! And this whole day has been the craziest, a hot mess, and you… wait a second”, he stopped, suddenly, squinting at Daniel’s confused expression. “Wait, you have no idea, have you?”

Daniel frowned.

“About what?”

Blake sighed, disappointed. Disappointed Blake was never a good sign.

“Oh, no…” he grumbled like a little kid. He had no idea what it was and still, he was sure it was a bad thing and he simply couldn't take it. Not that day. “No. No, don't tell me, please. Not right now.”

“Mate.”

“Seriously, not now, you have no idea. Yesterday was–”

“I know.”

He stopped. And, slower than he'd like to, he started to get it.

“Fuck…”, he ran a hand over his face. Very screwed up.

“I know what happened yesterday.” Blake’s voice was low, almost pitiful. “Punching a guy in a restaurant, Daniel? What the hell are you thinking?”

Couldn’t he wake up at that very moment and realize it was all a very bad dream? Or just a very bad prank someone was trying to pull at him?

“How do you...?”
“It's all over the internet. All over.” The emphasis on his tone and his look made Daniel’s stomach drop. “I've been trying to do damage control all day but it had been hard since I didn't know about it until everyone knew about it too.”

Daniel felt terrible. He shouldn't have expected... it was just that... it wasn't his first thought and it simply slipped away in the swirl of feelings. It... Nate jumped on his side, waving at the screen, and coughed a couple of times.

Blake tried to convey a smile, greeting him.

“One second.”

Daniel turned on the TV, put it on the first kids' channel he found (something like Bluey was on), and sat Nate by his side.

“Listen”, Blake used his PR voice, “It is as bad as it sounds. But we can turn around this with the right strategy, we just need to address a few rumors. Like, there a people saying this guy works for the Brazilian Racing Federation. Which obviously is ridiculous, but the fact that Massa and Barrichelo and a bunch of Stock Car stars are around the country is…” He stopped, analyzing Daniel's constipated face. Realization hit him like a clap of thunder. “Oh no. Fuck. What the hell, Daniel? You punched the president of the Brazilian racing federation?!”

“There's an explanation for it.”

“Oh, there better be. Because Zak Brown called me twice. And the Optus guys. And the Yes, and–” Blake stopped talking abruptly and looked at something behind Daniel's shoulder with an embarrassed expression. “Hm. Hello, Eleonor.”

Daniel turned back short to see his wife getting out of the room with a sleepy face but alert eyes. Flashes of the last night passed between them. This is not how he wanted to start this day. He had no idea what was the right thing to say.

“Hm. Sorry…” She murmured. “It's just…”

She pointed her thumb slightly to the room.

“What happened?” He asked, neutral.

“You should see this. And... Blake too.”

Daniel braced himself and got up to follow her back into the room. The bed was still a mess of sheets and she led him to the window, pulling the curtain slightly and peaking outside with a sorry expression. And Daniel followed right behind. It was easy to spot it: just below them, at the front of the hotel, there were about a hundred people. With cameras, and some with banners, and all of them with cellphones, making an uproar they could hear and see from up there. Fans and journalists. And curious passerbies. A lot of them.

“Shit…” he muttered, running a hand through his head, his sleepy brain slowly taking it all in. Wrapping itself around the fact that his life was literally falling apart. “Shit. Shit. Shit”

“What?” Blake’s voice came a little bit desperate through the call. “What is it? All I’m seeing is your chest.”

“Hang on”

But right when he was raising the camera to show Blake the situation, one of the people down there looked up and spotted them. And the euphoria unfolded in the blink of an eye among the little crowd. Daniel closed the curtain quickly and he and Eleonor took an instant step away from the window.

She pressed her lips in a thin line, hands pressed against her chest in an odd silence as they exchanged a glance.

“Shit. There’s a crowd in front of the hotel”, Daniel said to the call, “And they know I’m here. For sure.”

“Okay…” Blake took a deep exhale in a tone that suggested nothing was okay at all. “This is circumventable.”

From the living room, another round of coughs sounded. Eleonor left without thinking twice or looking back, and Daniel sat on the bed to hear the instructions.

“Listen, mate, obviously you’ll need to tell me every single detail around this history so we can work on how to give an explanation to this, especially to the sponsors, and until we work this all through is better… I’m sorry, but it’s better if you three leave the country.”

“What?” His face fell, and his stomach dropped. This was not the end of the vacation he pictured. At all. “And go back to Monaco?”

“No. No… Monaco is the last place you should be. Maybe come here?”

“Where are you?”

“In Melbourne. But we can meet in Perth, it’s probably for the best. You know there will be no peace if you stay here, you all will have to remain trapped inside.”

To his credit, he did sound sorry. Daniel scrapped a hand over his face, it was only 7:15 am. Fuck, how did he get into this?

“Daniel, mate, is everything all right?” His friendly tone let Daniel know he was talking as a friend, not his manager. Asking about something else beyond this PR chaos.

“Yeah. Yes, I, uh.” He looked up, trying to pull himself together. “I think it’s a good idea.”

“Okay, let me arrange the flight, righto?”. He looked sideways at something in his living room. “Does tonight sound good?”

He didn’t feel like having too much of a choice but he nodded anyway. They talked for another five minutes about the logistics, and Blake waved goodbye saying they would talk soon, before their flight.

Daniel felt back in the mattress with a thud, head empty. How, he couldn’t help but wonder, how did he managed to get into this hole. He let himself have a minute of moping before getting up and gathering the courage to tell Eleonor and Nate their vacations were over.

+ + +

Grace and Joe took the ‘we can't draw attention’ warning so seriously it was funny. They both appeared at the airport with caps and dark sunglasses and wearing black, looking around like FBI agents.

“Oh My God…” Daniel said upon spotting them, but there was a smile and lightness to it.

And Eleonor couldn't help but laugh as well. Especially when their facade dropped as soon as they spotted them, opening big wide smiles, waving hellos and running up to help them with the luggage, and, first of all, giving them warm, tight, welcoming hugs.

Daniel may or may have not leaned in for too long in his mother’s embrace. Blame him all you want, there was nothing in the world like it. And if he already missed them in normal times…

“Oh no, he's sleeping?” He pulled back just as he heard his father asking Eleonor in a lament, trying to peak at Nate sleeping in the stroller.

“We thought of waking him up because of the time zone, but–”, Eleonor explained, stopping to let out a yawn, “But the flight was so long. And we had to wait for hours in Doha…”

“Oh, let him sleep”, his mother dismissed the issue with one hand, reaching out to give Els a comforting half-embrace, “Just as you two should, alright?”

They didn’t even have the strength to deny they were exhausted, being happy to let Grace and Joe guide the small talk, and drive them to the ranch and everything.

“We took the liberty to restock your kitchen, all right?” His mother said from the passenger seat. “It was so empty it was sad, you should be ashamed, Daniel. But we bought a few supplies, and that jelly Nate adores too.”

“Yeah. Way too much of it.” His father mumbled, both hands on the steering wheel.

“Well, better safe than sorry, no?”

“About Jellies?”

“Oh, Joe, you know how all smiley he gets when he opens the fridge and there's a bunch of them there…”

“Just like he does with ice cubes and chicken nuggets.”

“Oh,” Els straightened up from where she was leaning against the backseat, having just remembered something, “We found out that the nuggets thing was just because of the Sponge Bob special package. When they stopped making it, he stopped paying attention.”

“See?” Joe arched an eyebrow at Grace.

She squinted softly at him.

“Don't make fun of my Jellies. You have no right! When I met you, you used a mullet, remember? You’re not allowed to shame me for anything.”

“W h a t.” Joe’s eyes double-sized in indignation. “You loved my mullet.”

The bickering was familiar and somewhat conforming. Alongside the low country music playing on the radio and the trees passing by on the window on the highway side, it made Daniel lean comfortably against the backseat and close his eyes for the sun setting over the city he grew up in.

Chapter Text

Their house in Perth was way bigger than their house in Monaco. First, because it was not simply a house, but a ranch, with a variety of grange animals, a wide garden, the private motocross mini circuit, and the garage of cross country vehicles collection. In the beginning, it was just cool to have a nice place for their times in Australia, but, each year, it became more and more like a safe and comfortable refugee – the private movie-like library on the second floor, the wine house for the St Hugo exclusive previews, the closet were her wedding dress was still stored and untouched by time. And with Nate, it became even more like home – the great playroom that imitated a kid version of Jurassic Park, all the pictures on the fridge of them with the ranch animals tagging their names, the colorful chalk drawings on the lower part of the dining room wall.

It was always very easy to settle, either when they came for a GP weekend or for Christmas break, especially when Grace and Joe did things like restocking the kitchen, having someone to come clean the pool, and staying for a homemade dinner.

So, despite the edgy headache and her sore limbs from over 24 hours of flights, Eleonor tried to make herself useful by cutting the bacon for the pasta.

Her eyes once or twice flickered outside the window above the sink, to where Daniel and his father were outside, just by the garden. They had gone there half an hour before saying they were going to check the deck (for some reason?), but it had been about ten minutes they were standing looking at the horizon and just talking lowly.

“They sure have a lot of talking to update, right?” By her side, Grace was way more agile, mixing the noodles on the hot pan and mixing the sauce right after.

“Yeah”, Eleonor tried on a smile, “Right.”

Daniel spent the whole way there talking with Blake on the phone, answering e-mails, and scowling and cursing under his breath at news articles on his phone. Eleonor spent the whole way there thinking about a manner of apologizing and letting the guilt eat her from the inside out.

“It's a shame you have to come in such a rush”, Grace’s voice took her out of her trail of thoughts, “But I cannot deny it's a pleasure to have you here for more time, uh.”

“It's good to be here”, Eleonor said and meant it. And, after a beat, confessed without thinking. “We've been fighting a lot.”

There was no heat to it. Grace glanced at her with sympathetic eyes and nodded knowing.

“That's very awful”, she commented.

“Yes.”

Eleonor’s hands stopped over the sink as her mind flew in a thousand directions at the same time, half of the bacon still untouched. Her eyes couldn’t help but flicker outside once again, biting her lower lip. She could feel Grace patiently cutting the onions by her side, waiting.

“It's just…” She opened up, promptly. “We fight over stupid things we just… can't let it slide you know? But there's so much of them… So many petty details. And, argh. I don’t even know where to start.”

She groaned, frustrated. Grace smiled down at her, unperturbed.

“Well. Fighting is not at all always bad. It might be a good thing.”

“How?”, her voice sounded scared and small, like a child.

“Well.” She kept calm and collected. “Deep down we all know letting things slide is the worst thing you can do for a relationship. Fighting over it is just one way to resolve it. Sometimes we say things we don’t want to and end up hurting each other, yes, but that’s when fighting dies down to discussing, that dies down to talking and then”.

Eleonor blinked, never having considered this before.

“Oh, that’s perfect. Thank you, sweetheart”. Grace moved on to grab the bacon and proceed to finish the dinner.

The thing is, arriving in Perth left both Daniel and her a bit off and just tired. At least, that was what she thought, barely managing to dinner before wanting to go straight to bed. But, apparently, they weren’t on the same page about it.

Daniel came from his fifth or sixth call from the day when Eleonor was already fluffing the pillows and scrapping the covers to get into bed. Her limbs felt sore from the emotional fraught of the last days and she just wanted to relax for a miserable second.

“Everything all right?”, She asked lowly over her shoulder while taking out her robe.

Daniel hummed. She could feel him frowning by the room door.

“Are you going to sleep?”, he asked, uselessly.
“Hm, yes”, she confirmed, pushing away the last sheet with a mindless yawn, her hair falling loosely over her shoulder, “Aren’t you? It’s past midnight.”

He was silent for enough time Eleonor knew something was off. So, with the bed set, she turned to look at him. Dark holes deepened under his eyes and he scratched the side of his jaw unquietly.

“You said we shouldn’t go to bed angry”, he said lowly, almost timidly.

“Wha–”, Eleonor frowned, trying to take it in. “I’m not angry. I’m just tired.”

“Well, I’m angry.”

That took her off guard.

She brought her hand up to her forehead to look at him, speechless. Afraid to admit that, maybe, if she analyzed her feelings attentively enough she’d see she might be a bit angry too.

Daniel bit his lower lip, hard. Ran a hand over his head. Seeming a thousand steps away from her despite being just by the door.

“Let’s do this tomorrow, ‘kay?” She whispered, calm and almost inaudible, “Just, come to bed.!

“Wha–” A swirl of emotions passed through his face. “Ok. You know what? I'm gonna take a walk.”

“Daniel…” She exhaled, regretting it. “Daniel, wait.”

But he was already on his way out.

Eleonor took a deep breath, alone. With a pillow in her hands, she thought about what Grace had said earlier. And she thought about something else: how angry Daniel was these days. How did anything set him on the edge? How bringing up any sensitive topic left him boiling.

She noticed, very horrified, how he was, definitely, developing an eating disorder. But his reaction to her pointing it out was pretty much the same as her reaction when he suggested they’d go to Brazil. And look how it all turned out. She could not commit the same mistake.

Eleonor let all her hurt aside and suspected what it all was with a heavy heart. It all came back to the same single tearful thing: grief.

So she went downstairs and waited.

Daniel came back an hour later. He didn't expect her to be awake, from the way he hesitated on the half-open front door, noticing her sitting on the living room couch.

“I made coffee”, she said as a form of greeting.

As a prey under the headlights, Daniel closed the door very slowly and walked, as carefully, towards her direction.

“You're awake”, he murmured very unsure, more to himself than to her.

Eleonor nodded.

“You said you wanted to talk.”

“You said you were tired”, He shot back, brows slightly pinched together, arms falling loosely on the side of his body as he stood behind the couch as if waiting for a direction.

“I made coffee”, she repeated with a small smile and an even smaller shrug.

Daniel analyzed her for a long moment. She could see him biting the inside of his cheek while all the engines ran up in his head.

Finally, he gave in. Took the necessary steps and sat by her side on the couch. They had chosen it very carefully, years ago, for only one purpose: to be comfy. It seemed to work, as dove down in the middle of the brown pillows.

Eleonor offered her half–full cup for him and he took it. She noticed how his fingers were cold from the outside night wind, and wanted to cover them with her own. But she didn’t. She was with both her legs on the cushion, turned sideways to face him completely, arm over the back of the sofa. While he was facing the dark, elbows over his knees, hands bracing the coffee cup. They remained just like that for a while, one arm of distance from each other.

Until, after what seemed a lifetime, Daniel said:

“I'm struggling with eating”.

Eleonor’s heart stopped beating. Then it started again as she tried to remain calm. She tried to let him have space to feel comfortable to open up, to say further, just like Grace did to her earlier. But then, after a second, he let out a shattered breath and she realized he was crying.

“Oh, honey…” She straightened up immediately, reaching over to hug him from the side, putting her arms around his chest, and kissing the back of his shoulder.

Daniel's body relaxed and tensed at the touch as he tried to hold back his tears. He straightened up, rubbing the back of his hands over one eye. Eleonor moved her hand to his cheek, trying to wipe a few tears, her own heart squeezing along.

“I’m sorry I-”, he cleared his throat, took a deep breath, “I snapped at you. I just-, argh. I see this is going on for a while now. And it’s just. Just. Fuck.”

A while, now. Well, if she had a dagger in a heart it’d be the same thing. But Eleonor forced herself to nod along, comprehensively and non-judgingly.

“It’s just. They're sucking my confidence. I don't feel confident. I don't feel... like winning. And I don't even blame it on the car anymore, I think it's all on me. Everything on me.”

It almost broke her, how she had no idea. She supposed, yes, but she didn’t know. Nd he hadn’t told her and–.

Well. Wasn’t like he needed to, right? Because she realized: she knew him. She knew how he bounced his knee when he was nervous. His fidgety mannerisms during an interview or a talk when it was all getting way too much to his head. Like when he adjusted his cap a dozen times in ten minutes or bounced back and forth on his feet. How he bit his lip when his mind was too full of thoughts to let out loud. How if she just came closer, if she just reached out and showed him she was there, he'd maybe open up.

“Dan…” She scooted a bit hesitant to his side, knees pressed together, her hands wrapped around his arm. “I'm sorry.”

“Why”, a trembled question. he turned to her with furrowed brows and confused watery eyes that made her vision get blurry with emotion too.

“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like telling me”. She held his gaze, meaning every word. “I'm sorry for not being there but– let me help, you okay?”

Something shifted in his gaze.

“I'm right here”, she promised, pouring all her heart into her words. And, maybe for the first time in a while, she was really there.

Eleonor planted a soft kiss on his shoulder, just as a physical reminder. Daniel's leg slowed its nervous bouncing and she saw his tense shoulders relax.

“Els”, he said. Lamented. Whispered. Breathed.

She smiled.
“I’m right here”, she repeated, firmly.

And then, they talked. Or, better, Daniel talked.

He told her all of it. The poor performance feedback. How, at the beginning of the year, he spent a lot of time in Woking with the engineering team trying to make things work out. But it wasn’t long until he figured 90% of his suggestions and complaints were ignored and the car remained undrivable. And he got sad, angry, and frustrated at them, before getting frustrated with himself.

Then he told her about Michael's new intense training routine and diet, how he felt his weight has a lot to do with his recent performance and how he almost starved on purpose the day they needed to adjust his seat because someone said “his butt was too big or something”.

She couldn't help but let out a small smile at that.

“I love your butt”, she squeezed his shoulder lightly.

Daniel's chest vibrated when he laughed back.

“Thank you”, he sniffed then shrugged nonchalantly, “It's an awesome butt”.

“It is.”

He talked about his confidence. And his career. And his ability to drive. And everything that has been trapped inside his head for months. It was so much.

At one point he had slouched down to the wooden ground, back against the sofa, and legs straightened ahead, as Eleonor ran her hand over his hair. At another point, they were both standing, for some reason - he was looking at the dark farm outside the veranda as she paced looking at the floor with her hands on her hips. At another, she made another coffee. And soon they were both startled by the soft rays of sunlight bringing the trees and rocking chair to vision, a little welcome warmth of the dawn.

“I don't have a fucking clue on what to do”, Daniel confessed. He was sitting on the center table, forearms over his knees.

In the early morning light, she could see some wrinkles on his forehead.

“You should tell them all to fuck themselves, that's what”, she murmured, sitting on the ground in front of him, legs crossed and neck resting against the couch behind her.

He let out a small laugh at that.

“Right.” He huffed, ironically.

“It's not that hard.” She shrugged, an empty coffee cup between her hands, “I did it once.”

“Did what?” he frowned, looking at her with curiosity

“Told Zak Brown a big fuck you.”

His face fell into complete shock in the blink of an eye. Then amusement. Then curiosity. Then shock again.

“What! When- How- what was the context of this?”

“I have my secrets…” She faked mischief, looking up at the ceiling with angelical eyes.

“Eleonor.” A horrified reprimand.

She was dying to tell him, of course. But it was so funny seeing him up like this after feeling down. It made her want to go on and on and on forever.

“If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.”

But of course, it didn’t last. So after a few more minutes of banter, she confessed.

“You wanna know what? It was back in Monaco, after practice, before I went to meet you in the medical center. I met him at the front door.”

“No…” he gaped at her.

“Yes. He wanted to prevent me from seeing you so I said “fuck you” and stormed past him.”

It was an oversimplification of the events, but it was true. Daniel's face had too many emotions for her to count. After grasping it all, he let out an impressed whistle.

“I can’t believe thug life Els is back.”

Eleonor couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well. She never left. She just moved aside for a while.”

Daniel put a hand over his heart, a theatrical gesture of wonder.

“It’s so sexy you quote me”.

Eleonor felt her cheeks heating up immediately, but she tried to mark it with a tease.

“This is a bit kinky, you know?”

“What can I do”, she shurgged, unbothered, “Sue me.”

She smiled. He smiled too. And a second passed, then another, then one more, until they were enveloped in a sweet thoughtful silence.

“It's not like it's their fault either, you know”, he murmured, more serious once again. “I am the one with issues. With a capital S.”

Eleonor felt a twist in the gut. There was no way around this after all, wasn't it? She swallowed just when he looked down to meet her eyes.

“We have a lot of issues”.

She nodded. It wasn't an accusation or a conflict of opinions, just a simple and true statement.

“We do.” A soft smile of acknowledgment. “But… we can't go past them. One by one”.

There was gratitude in his eyes, but also pain.

“How?” he questioned in a whisper.

Eleonor opened her mouth just to shut it right after. But after everything, she wasn't willing to let him without answers once again. So she said the first thing that came to her mind.

“With patience. No, don't make that face! I was gonna say something more. Patience and trades. This is what it's about. Partnership.”

“All right.” A smile, at least. “Full honesty, then?”

“Yes. Yes, like…”, she straightened her spine, thinking carefully about her next words. “I appreciate you telling me all this. And I think you should see a doctor.”

That took him by surprise.

“Uh. Okay”, he swallowed and nodded once. “I will.”

“Perfect. And we can go to your father's restaurant and have a great, delicious, cheat meal”.

She wiggled her eyebrows at him a bit playfully and he responded with a tender and grateful smile.

“Fine.”

That simple word, alone, took out tons of worry out of her back. And she wanted more of it. more of this new and undiscovered way of getting past things.

“Your turn now”, she nudged his leg with her feet.

“Okay. Uh. I…”, he crumpled his lips for a second, thinking. “I don't know. There's just so much.”

“Come on, just say the first thing you think of.”

She could be sure of all the things running through his head. All their fights. Her, breaking down just the day before. Their disastrous encounter with her brother. How she accused him. How he accused her. How they were off limits perhaps and said things they didn't mean to. How they were processing grief in very different ways.

“About what?” he blurted out, pressioned.

“I can't say! You have to think.”

“Uh. All right.” he squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again with a confession: “I miss Cyril”.

Eleonor couldn’t help but burst out laughing, throwing her head back in glee. This was definitely the last thing she expected. What the hell.

“What the hell. This is the first thing that comes to your mind?”

“Well”, she didn’t find it so funny, which meant it was a truth buried deep in his heart. Aw, how cute. And he was defensive too. She laughed more. “You were pressing me and we were talking about F1 and– And you can't judge me, that's was on the rules.”

“That wasn't on the rules”, she wiped a tear out of the corner of her eye. Maybe

“Well, I'm putting it there now”.

“Oh, God, I always knew you missed him”, she shook her head non-believing, “I should've recorded that. Why didn’t I record that?”

“Shut up”, he rolled his eyes

“You admitted it! You cannot take it back.”

“You have no proof no one will believe you”, he tried to sound all strong and mysterious but the whole thing was too funny for her to fall for it.

“I'm gonna tell Blake nonetheless.”

He made an annoyed face but that was it. Nowhere to hide and no way to take that back. And just because the sun was rising and their toes were touching and he had this adorable pressed lips expression, Eleonor confessed, very smug:

“You know what? I miss Cyril too.”

And Daniel bursted out laughing.

Chapter Text

[HAWAII - 2017]

“Have you seen Els?”

Daniel approached the circle of his friends in the bungalow. They were talking and drinking beers while looking at the paradisiacal beach.

“Uh? Yeah, she's-” Michael looked back to the commotion near the bar, not far behind them, where more people were gathered dancing and getting ready for lunch. “She was just right there.”

Daniel scowled. And then he went there to try to investigate. Approaching the covered area he instantly met his dearest friends and colleagues, people he cared a lot about, tapping his back and murmuring happy birthday. Daniel greeted them happily, stealing glances to the side and looking around disguisedly. He sighed frustrated, sitting at a table by the side of his father.

“I’m telling you, there is a very exclusive community who dedicate themselves to that…” He was telling Christian wholeheartedly (talking about his new hobby, obviously: the Perth Chess Competition).

“Woof. That’s insane. I don’t believe it.” His boss looked amazed and incredulous at the same rate.

“Wait a second, I’ll show you the pictures of the last champions meeting”, he reached for the pocket of his new Hawaiian shirt to grab his phone, opening the gallery right then.

Daniel fidgeted uneasy, not wanting to interrupt the light chatting between them. He still wasn't used to seeing everyone from his life interacting in that paradise. Like a mega-crossover episode from a TV show. And it had only been one day.

He took the cue when a waiter approached them to serve coconut water (in actual coconuts), and his father commented, very impressed:

“Oh my God, Eleonor is dedicated to the details”, he admired the umbrella straw as if Els was the one who put it there herself. “Look at this…”

“Yep. By the way, do you know where she is?” Daniel asked.

“Oh, yes. Your friend called her to see something about skydiving.”

His eyes lighted up with hope.

“Which friend?”

“That blonde one.”

Half of the guys there, he thought.

“Not much help”, he muttered.

“Sorry, I don't remember.” He furrowed his brows, trying to think. “The funny one, with the British accent.”

That didn't help either. Daniel was about to protest when Christian said, with an amused smile:

“It was Jenson.”

So there went Daniel after Jeson. He found him in the lobby of the hotel, after a five-minute walk there, talking to a local skydiving instructor with a big smile.

“Mate, respectfully, your girlfriend is a genius”, he commented as a form of greeting, raising the booklet of the activity for Daniel to see, wiggling his eyebrows. “Look at this. On an island full of adrenaline junkies? Come on.”

“Yeah… She's not hiding behind you or something, isn't she?”

“Ohh, no”, he was already back engrossed in his plans for the afternoon, “She went there to welcome someone. That Stev... Scott! Scotty James, she said.”

Daniel grunted, impatient.

“What's up?” Jenson glanced up curiously, “Trouble in paradise?”

“What? No! Much the opposite. I just…” he trailed off, biting back. Thinking further and choosing not to say it.

“What?” Jenson arched a brow, expectantly.

“Nothing”, Daniel shook his head, “Good look on your flying”.

He then met Scotty by the elevators, having just arrived from the airport and heading to his room.

“Eleonor welcomed you here, right?” Daniel asked casually after greeting him.

“Yes, she met me here two minutes ago.”

“Any idea where she went?”

His friend nodded positively.

“Your sister called her to see something with the kids, I guess”

And that's how he almost got lost looking for the hotel playground, having passed through the same pool twice and went back to the party bungalow before finding Michelle.

“Oh, yes. She helped me with Isaac, he was crazy to play some football.”

She explained. Little Isabelle was asleep on the stroller next to the bench where Michelle watched Issac trying to kick the ball on the mini-goal.

Daniel had to sit by her side to rest a bit after all the jogging he did to get there.

“They played a bit but then Hanna called asking about their rooms and she went to check. Then it took me another 10 minutes to make Isaac stop crying.”

Ah, right. Seemed like everyone was getting to her before him.

“I can’t believe they're having a baby”, she commented, dreamily. Chin resting on the palm of her hand. “It's so cute, they grow up so fast…”

Daniel smiled, nudging her shoulder with his own.

“What are you talking about? You have two babies.”

She rolled her eyes and proceeded to talk about some emotional stuff. Some minutes later, Daniel was helping Seb order some weird cravings for his pregnant wife at the hotel reception.

“This is the best birthday party I've ever seen, mate and it's just been one hour I've been here…” Seb commented, impressed.

“Yeah, yeah, amazing… Did Eleonor tell where she went?”

Seb opened his mouth to answer and stopped when someone clapped their backseat suddenly.

“What’s up, wankers?” It was Max, passing by in swimming trunks and sunglasses, “See you in Waikiki, yeah?”

“This guy…” Seb laughed to himself.

“As you were saying…” Daniel pressed, anxious.

“Ah. Yes. She said something about charging her phone”.

It would be no exaggeration to say Daniel sprinted towards their room, pressing the elevator buttons frantically and even considering taking the stairs to get there faster.

When he busted the door open, he wondered if she had vanished mysteriously, summoned by some helper task from the guests of that island. And he almost fell to his knees when he saw she didn't.

There she was, a beach exit over a bikini, hair in a messy ponytail with sunglasses over her forehead, leaning over her open bag on the bed with a frown.

“Hey, Wally!” He greeted, closing the door behind him with the weight of his back. “You are really impossible to find, you knew that?”

She looked over her shoulder with an amused smile.

“What?”

“I've been looking for you for, like, a zillion hours”, he walked until he closed the distance between them and kissed the back of her shoulder mindlessly, peeking at the mess of clothes and traveling itens on the bed, “I think I literally walked all over the island”

“Oh… sorry, hun. My phone died and my charger evaporated. I cannot find it anywh-”

Daniel reached for the nightstand next to the bed, opened one of the cabinets, and found it. The same place where she put it in her apartment. Eleonor looked at him starstruck. She exhaled, relieved, with a fool smile.

“My hero”, she stood on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck, then grabbed the charger and plugged her phone in. “So, how can I help you?”

He took a second to answer, too distracted in his own head.

“Uh?”

“Why were you after me?” She cocked her head to the side with amusement dancing in her eyes. Hands on her hips as she waited.

“Oh. Uh…” he trailed off, “I forgot.”

Lie. He did remember very clearly. However, seeing her big shiny eyes and her expectant, beautiful expression, he suddenly felt very small and insecure.

“Hm, right”, she squinted a bit, playfully “I guess you're really getting old then.”

“Ah, shut up”

With a smile, she went to poke him in the ribs, but Daniel's reflexes made him move away from the attack. But of course she expected exactly that and had her other finger on the other side of his belly, waiting to try to tickle him. He did what he had to do to avoid it: grabbed her by her waist and turned her around, with her back glued to his chest she had no way of advancing.

“Not. Fair.” She complained between laughs, turning her head only slightly to look at him.

“You started it, missus.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Can't handle a bit of action?”

Her smile was smug and full of determination.

“I can handle anything”.

“Oh, yeah?” he let his arms slack and she turned back to face him, just one breath away.

“Yes”, she bopped his nose with the tip of her finger.

Daniel laughed like a man in love. And then he did the only thing possible in that situation: leaned in and pressed their lips together. He could feel her smile against his, melting into something sweeter, more eager, that tasted like ginger ale and summer. In one instant her hands traveled up to the back of his neck, thin fingers slightly teasing his curls on his nape. And Daniel’s hands knew by memory now where to go, dangerously on her lower back, just threatening to go lower but never really going.

And Els knew that damn well, letting out a sweet, provocative sound that could drive Daniel insane if he wasn’t in his best senses. She deepened the kiss, standing on tiptoes to go further, to taste him better, and even bit his lower lip before coming back to another peck.

“You…” He half-groaned and half-praised between it all.

“Me what?” She pulled back enough to challenge.

“Naughty”, he answered when pulling back for air and, finally, slid his hand lower to palm her ass. “Nauthy thing”.

She took it as a cue to raise her leg enough to wrap it around his hips and that was it. Two seconds later they were in bed. Upon a bunch of summer clothes, makeup products, vacation books, and…

“Ouch!” She let out with half a laugh, arching her back.

On top of her, Daniel reached under there to grab… headphones? Yes! His Beats headphones he had been searching for about a month now!

He gasped dramatically.

“And a thief too!” He accused, wounded.

Unperturbed, she just covered his mouth with one hand, preventing him from speaking while shooting him a very serious glance.

“Sacrifices needed to be done in honor of Achilles, Come Down”.

“Achilles whatever should give me another set of headphones”, he mumbled, voice stuffy by her hand over it.

“Oh, poor you…”, she pouted, hands again on his nape to bring his face down, “Let me kiss it better, yeah?”

Daniel rolled his eyes, a failed attempt to play hard to get, but who was he fooling? She just needed to kiss the corner of his mouth and they were back at it again. Her fingers up in in hair, massaging his scalp and he went further and further down. To her jaw, and her neck, and her collarbone. And the middle of her breasts, as far as her bikini let him, when, out of nowhere, Shape of You started playing loud in the room. He stopped.

“What is that?” He murmured against her skin.

“Ed Sheeran.” She deadpanned, panting a bit.

Daniel raised his head to look at her not finding it funny. She smiled down at him.

“My alarm”, she pulled back sliding her hand from his hair to his shoulder, “It's time for the dolphin watching and the lunch on the yacht.”

He blinked, confused.

“How are you gonna put everyone on a yacht?”

“Not everyone, just us. I'm gonna steal you for myself for a bit.”

And that was it, what sealed his decision. And odd moment, for sure, he would never be able to tell his parents or his future grandkids or anyone. But it made his heart warm and fuzzy, knowing it was just them two. She, with an expectant and joyful expression, up on her elbows just enough to look at him. He, hovering over her upper body in a compromising position, mind blank as just one thought occurred to him.

“I remembered”, he muttered at the conclusion of his epiphany.

She furrowed her brows.

“What?”

“I need to make a call”.

“Ha!” She nudged his shoulder, squinting indignantly at him. “Just what every girl loves to hear in bed.”

“It’s a very important call…” he tried to explain.

“Oh yes!” she faked a scream of pleasure, “I’m coming, baby! Say it again!”

“You’re ridiculous”, he said, getting up again and sitting on the bed.

Eleonor sat by his side in a jump, a hand over her hair trying to neat it together again.

“Whatever. Go make your call. I’ll watch the dolphins.”

She was getting up when Daniel grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her back. She stood lazily in front of him, watching silently as he raised her hand to kiss the back of her fingers. Eleonor smiled at him sweetly, coming closer to kiss his temple as a goodbye.

+ + +

“To the most talented, smartest, and most generous man I know. It’s a joy to be here today in his presence, surrounded by these amazing people who recognize his value”, said a very drunk Max, one hand over his heart and the other raising a half-empty beer bottle. “Sebastian Vettel!”

The guys on the round wooden table fell into laughter. Raising their drinks playfully and going along with the banter.

“Oh! And I heard it’s Daniel’s birthday too, so happy birthday to him, I guess” Max went on with a fool smile above all the laughter and banter.

They were having a nice dinner under the moonlight, lit up by torches and decorated in the most festive and colorful way possible. There was a big table full of food and more waiters going around, never leaving their plates empty. Kenny Chesney was playing in the background of the myriad of conversations, laughter, and playfulness.

“All right, no one’s letting Maxie on beer pong again, okay?” Daniel announced.

“Jesus, you lads are getting younger and younger, aren’t you?” By his side, DC melancholically sipped his own Heineken bottle.

“Ow, DC’s feeling old again”, Daniel pitied, then elbowing Rosberg frantically, “Quickly, take a picture.”

“We should have established a coin jar for this”, Seb commented, disappointed with himself.

Everything was nice. Somewhere near the cake table nearby, Simon and Blake were hurting everyone’s ears in a horrendous attempt to sing Walking On Sunshine. On the beer pong table, Scotty and his father were massacring Gerri and Christian, while Michelle was crazier than a cheerleader begging them to flip the game. Mark was serving as a goalie on the grass-improvised field, where Isaac and Bluebell were winning against Natalie and Hannah. Eleonor was with Isabelle in her arms, talking with Daniel’s mother about something that made them both laugh once in a while.

It was just too much fun for Daniel to keep up with, so she enjoyed moving from one group to the other, seeing different kinds of ways to have fun and dance and sing until a few lights went off and a group of waiters entered with a big, cowboy-hat-shaped lit-up birthday cake.

They sang Happy Birthday to him under the fire lights and above the sound of the waves. Isaac planted firmly by Daniel’s side with a smile twice the size of his face, alongside Geri’s little Bluebell, both eager to take part in it. When the song ended and Daniel let the kids blow the candles for him, Max screamed:

“Speech! Speech! Speech!”

And Daniel gave him the finger in British style in respect to the children, to which his mother shook her head disapprovingly.

“Hey”, Eleonor came by his side to whisper discreetly as he was about to cut the cake, “Give the first piece to Isaac, yes? Or I think he'll have a syncope”.

He was thankful to her, for taking care of all the littlest details. For taking care of him. After the cake-cutting commotion, as everyone settled in different group tables to eat and chat, he found her on the edge of the area, sat on the sidewalk, talking cheerily to Isabelle, showing her something on the beach.

He sat by her side, catching both their eyes.

“Ta-da”, he motioned to the plate on his hand full of birthday cake, “Some treat for you! No, not you, Isa, just auntie all right?”

“Ow, thanks”, Eleonor sat Isabelle on her knees, motioning her away from the sugary stuff.

“Do me a favor, right?” He asked while offering her the fork so she could take a bite. “Don’t have all this work and don’t have fun yourself, okay?”

“Oh, I am having fun, hun”, she guaranteed with a stern nod. “Right, Isa? Tell Uncle Daniel we are turning Hawaii upside down.”

The little one laughed at her as if she had just made the funniest joke on earth. Daniel smiled at the view, his heart full of an emotion he didn’t quite comprehend fully yet.

“I’m serious”, he nudged her knee with his own, “I saw you helping half of the people here today. But didn’t see you skydiving, or dolphin watching or…”

“It’s okay, Dan”, she affirmed, something soft and quiet in her gaze at him. “Your friends are lovely and this place is amazing. I could spend the night cutting the cake and would still have a blast.”

He made an unsatisfied face. In the end, earlier that day, everything went off the planning. The dolphins didn’t show up and everyone decided to take a swim at the beach, which led them to not be able to sneak out to the yacht and all. However, he hadn’t seen her anything but happy, so…

“No one has ever done something like this for me”, he admitted.

“Yeah?” Her eyes glistened with pride.

He nodded.

“Yeah.”

“It must be because I know you so well”, she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

And it was true, he had realized that in the last 24 hours. First, because somehow she has managed to organize everything in absolute secrecy. “Let’s spend your birthday somewhere special? Just us two?” She had suggested it about a month before. That led to a jaw-dropped Daniel arriving in Hawaii to see all his family and closest friends screaming surprise in a thematic welcome party in the morning. And not just that, but the menu, the music, the room view, the programs… it was like he was living a dream of everything he loved the most in life.

“Come here, give me some more”, amid his reverie, she reached to pick up more cake. When she put it on her mouth, some of the chantilly got on the tip of her nose.

Just then, she looked at Daniel and found him staring.

“What?”

“I wanna marry you”, he answered, firm and sure.

She barked out laughing, catching Isabelle’s attention and promptness to join the joke.

“Right”, she used the back of her hand to clean her face, a sarcastic arch of a brow, “Sure you do.”

“No, I mean it”, Daniel guaranteed, no longer able to keep it to himself, a foolish smile on his lips as all he could do was stare at her. “I’m serious”.

The smile vanished from her face

“No, you’re not”, she said, no, accused, with a skeptical tone. Serious as he had seen her just very few times.

“I am!”

“But you’re smiling!” Her eyes searched his face for something.

Daniel only grinned greater, no defense for that.

“Yeah”, he pondered, “I’m smiling because the idea of spending the rest of my life with you makes me very happy”.

Her skepticism turned into something more serious, closed, the way Daniel knew she was hiding her emotions. He could even think she wasn’t having any emotion at all if it wasn’t for the way she was holding Isabelle closer and closer, as if to hide behind her so he couldn’t see the way her eyes were suddenly shining with tears

“You can't say things like that…” she muttered, hesitant, voice trembling already.

And he took it as a challenge.

“Why not? It's true”, Daniel shrugged. Simple as that. “I've had this on my mind all day. And when I said I needed to make a call, I called Fatima.”

“Oh, Daniel…” her voice came out poured with emotion, alongside the glistening tears that started to fall.

“I called to tell her. Or ask for her approval, I’m not sure”, he kept explaining, for some reason, “And she said for me to go on. And I thought of something really nice to do. In the summer break, when we were in LA. Very romantic. I didn’t think it all through yet, but would probably have fireworks, maybe some trained pigeons, and that fountain dance from Vegas. Very elaborated”.

She laughed. The sweetest, purest laugh he ever had the privilege to hear. He looked deep into her round, watery eyes, full of disbelief and wonder.

“But… Then. You know.” He clearly didn’t plan a speech so all he could do was speak his mind. “You are… you. My best friend. And this is the biggest decision of my life so I cannot hide this from you anyway. I thought of this this morning and my first instinct was to find you and tell you immediately. So. Yes. I wanna marry you.”

Eleonor blinked away the tears, failing in her attempt to look less emotional.

“So.” She cleared her throat when her voice came too muffled. “You’re just letting me know?”

Daniel nodded, trying not to laugh at her.

“Yes. I’m gonna propose any time soon, all right? In the near future.”

She sniffed, lips trembling as she nodded.

“All right.”

Daniel couldn’t stop looking at her. His smile only got bigger and bigger as they seemed to read each other’s minds. She pressed her lip together as her eyes only conveyed all the emotion. A few more seconds passed, and then Daniel’s smile broke into a grin.

“Eleonor Campos…”

“Oh fuck”, she burst into nonstop tears. Brought her hand to cover her face, opened her fingers to peek at him, and then slid her hand to cover her mouth agape.

“When I met you, you were just a nerd. To worried about finishing your thesis and-”

“Oh my God…. Oh my god. Oh my god”. She was muttering under her breath, shaking her head at him and receiving a confused look from Isabelle who just watched them without a clue of what was going on.

“Now, we are…”

“Oh, my god, Daniel.”

“Woman, will let me finish?”

That made her bite away a smile. The corner of her eyes crinkled and her feet kicked the sand with excitement.

“Just say it”, she half-whispered half-sang.

Daniel exhaled a breath. He had no ring, no speech, no special proposal devices. All he had was his knee slowly on the Hawaiian sand as his niece looked at him confused and his girlfriend held her crying face looking down at him in a way she never had before. He wished he could take a picture of it and engrave it in his memory forever.

“Will you mar-”-

“Yes!” She chanted, with a grin twice the size of her face that set Daniel’s heart pathetic jumps.

“Marry me?” He finished with a laugh, his own smile made his jaw hurt. And since she was set on the ground, being down on one knee only made them face-to-face.

“Yes!” She slid her free arm around his shoulders nodding frantically while tears streamed down her cheeks and she pulled him closer and closer, “Yes, yes, yes, yes…”

Until he leaned in and pressed their lips together, so full of care and love and cherishing. And she kissed him back, as far as little Isabelle between them let it be possible, pulling back only slightly to smile and whisper.

“Eu te amo”, she kissed his smile again, “Muito”.

He faked a confused face.

“Sorry, don't speak Spanish.”

That managed a laugh out of her and a little tap on the back of his neck.

“Idiot.”

“Your idiot”, he kissed the corner of her mouth, “Forever”.

She smiled emotionally at him and kissed him again. And one second into it they were taken by surprise by a round of applause, celebrations, and whistles coming from nearby. They both pulled apart to look back and find every single one of the birthday guests staring at them while making a big deal of it.

Eleonor’s cheeks turned scarlet instantly, as she turned to Daniel to hide her face in his shoulder. He, on the other hand, smiled charmingly at his little and cheering audience.

“Well, that saves us the time to tell everyone”.

Els just laughed and kissed him again.

+ + +

They all flew back to San Francisco together in a big and comfy private jet. When everyone, sunburnt and sleepy, was figuring out their seats, Daniel made sure to call Eleonor to sit by his side, and she did. They spent the flight talking in holy secrecy about their new plans for the future.

“I’m just not sure where I'm headed right now, you know? Not yet.” She told him, head against his shoulder, her hand playing with his fingers around her.

“It's not easy to be a highly requested professional, isn't it?” It was only half a joke. He was very proud of her as he smiled against her temple. Her hair smelled like that bamboo shampoo.

“I’m serious, I wish I could go to Monaco.”

“And what’s wrong with Monaco?”

“Nothing, except it has no university with a history program…” She lamented, leaning further against him to take some more comfort. “Realistically I could stay in Paris. For Sorbonne or Sciences Po. But I got offers to England as well. And even the States.”

“The States?” His eyebrows went up in surprise and he let out a low, impressed whistle.

“Yep!” She raised his hand to kiss the knuckles of his fingers, soft and sweet, before pulling his hand close to her chest. “Seems like Fatima pulled a few strings at Stanford for me, and some guys at Johns Hopkins heard about it too…”

Daniel huffed, unsurprised. He could picture it all in his head: having a house in the hills of Palo Alto, a big pool under the all-year summer, where they would have barbecues at weekends for their Hollywood celebrity friends. Or if it was Hopkins…

“Where's Johns Hopkins, again?” He asked

“Baltimore.”

That was near D.C., right? She for sure would know a lot of politicians and they would be invited to the White House all the time. Or Paris. Paris would be wonderful too. It's not like he hadn't spent most of his time there the last two years as Els moved there for her phD.

“What's in your mind, uh?” She moved slightly to the side, just to be able to look at him.

“Just that I'll have a pretty good life as your trophy husband”, he bantered, with a smile.

As she laughed, he pulled her against his chest once again, half with a brace under the place's chilly AC.

“And that would be nice anywhere”, he kept going.

“Really?” There was a surprise in her voice.

On the seat in front of them, hangover Max snored in his sleep of the dead. By his side, Mark was also asleep with Isaac (also asleep) lying on his chest.

“Yep. There's not much difference for me, you know? Anywhere with an airport is fine for me. And the nearer to the Ecuador line the better.”

She laughed against his chest, and there was lightness in it.

“Okay, we'll choose somewhere nice then”.

Once they landed in San Francisco, it was time to part ways to their different bases and appointments around the world. A few of the drivers chose to head directly to Montreal for the next race. Daniel's parents, alongside Michelle, Mark, and the kids boarded directly to their connection to Australia. Daniel would check his house in LA for a few days before it was his time to go to Canada.

And as much as he begged Eleonor to stay with him, she had a real life to go back to.

“See you in twelve days”, she promised at the gate of her flight to Paris after they had lunch at the airport.

“All right”, he nodded, having his hand around her waist, “And I’ll give you a nice, shiny, big diamond ring”.

She nodded, all smiley.

“I can’t wait”.

Twelve days later, Eleonor got her doctorate diploma at Sorbonne University. It was a beautiful, very fancy, ceremony in the heart of Paris. Daniel sat at Els’ guest table, alongside his mother (whom Els somehow convinced to come), Fatima, her high school professor who traveled with her to Portugal and basically changed her life, Kelly, Daniil, Felipe, and Ana. The university professors, who dressed like Hogwarts professors, announced the names of the graduates, clapped, opened champagne, and even let out fireworks on the outside. Someone from Oxford gave a speech, and the mayor was there and also gave a speech. The wine they were serving was divine.

When Eleonor went up the stage to grab her diploma, she was crying like a baby. Daniel took the opportunity to take a very zoomed picture to make fun of her later, which earned him a scolding from his mother. He locked his phone and told her he would delete it (which, of course, he didn't).

Afterward, they headed to a special dinner on the upper floor of the saloon, with music and more champagne. Eleonor took the cue to pull Daniel aside from the group with a big, mischievous smile while walking up the stairs. She was especially stunning that night, with a tight shiny black dress and her newly acquired degree in hand.

“Hello, doctor”, he greeted her, feeling very fancy as well with his black tuxedo.

“Hello”, she arched an eyebrow, “Fiancé.”

Daniel would lie if he said the title didn’t affect him. He found it fascinating: how after being together for three years now, which he considered a long time, there were still new things that made his stomach flutter as a teenager.

“So…” She stared at him trying to hide a smile and arching a brow, eyes glistening and expectation. It was adorable.

“What?” He asked, innocent.

“You know what”, she poked in his arm, her lips curving upwards.

“I don't know what you're talking about. The genius must have gone up to your head.”

“Ooh, come on... let me see it or I'll die of curiosity right here”, she cried, “You don't wanna be responsible for my death in the middle of the ceremony, don't you? The mayor is here. They'd find you guilty and you'd be banned from the city and th-”

“Okay. Fine. Jesus.” He faked an exasperated expression while she clapped and giggled, while he put a hand on this pocket and her eyes followed the movement, “You're such a drama queen.”

“Your drama queen!” She wrapped her hands around his arms, “Forever!”

“That's right”, he showed her the dark velvet box, and she let out an amazed sound. “Yes, here it is, Mrs. Ricciardo.”

Suddenly, she turned her amazed expression into a thoughtful one.

“You were serious then.”

“Of course I am.” He nodded, eyes narrow, “I’m a very serious man”.

“Says the guy who has a ‘Jingle My Bells’ Christmas sweater”, she bantered.

“And you have a ‘Le tits now’ Christmas sweater!”

“How many times do I have to say? It’s “Let It Snow’!” She tried to reach for the ring box but Daniel pulled it back.

“Later, lady”

“What!” She scoffed.

“When it's just us too, all right?” He tried to sound sexy and mysterious when in truth he only wanted to make up for the accidental show it was the proposal.

Eleonor made a frown, but, for his luck, Kelly appeared on her side calling her to see some famous French politician getting drunk in the bar.

The party was amazing. Daniel was in a good mood, coming from three consecutive Podiums, having the best birthday party of his life, and earning a yes from the woman of his life. Add that to the fact that Eleonor was free like a bird now, dancing and laughing as if the world was her oyster.

He saw with his own eyes how tiring getting something done in academia could be. He heard every angry complaint she made about her advisor, held her all the times she cried for having missed a deadline, and missed her every time she couldn't go out in favor of spending nights in the library. So the fun of having survived it was more than welcome.

It only ended because the lights were on and the dance floor was getting depressingly empty.

As everybody headed home, Daniel followed his future wife to her apartment in the Quartier Latin. It was on the sixth floor with no elevator, which he hated with his whole heart. But, in the moment, he was too drunk and happy to care.

The first thing Eleonor did once they entered the apartment and closed the door was to stop in front of him with her hands behind her back and narrow eyes. So Daniel finally showed her the ring. It fit perfectly on her finger, of course. It fit perfectly on her.

She jumped at him to give him a fierce kiss and they ended up making very hard, passionate love, that left him panting and sick with pleasure and her screaming his name as they came together. Twice.

And the events of the night, or the week, were so thrilling that neither of them could fall asleep. So they ended up sitting on the large window of the room to get some air instead.

“I love this place”, Daniel confessed to the silent Parisian night.

“Me too”, she muttered back.

It was almost summer. Chilly enough for him to stay shirtless sat by the window drinking an iced beer straight out of the bottle. Meanwhile, Eleonor had only one of his big t-shirts on and a glass of wine between her fingers.

“Not the city”, he clarified, his bare back against the white wood, some piece of it itching his spine. “I mean, the city too. But this apartment. You don't get views like this every day.”

Beyond them, the city unveiled itself in yellow fuzzy lights. He could see the darkness on the line where the river was, and the big Notre Dame cathedral right after, next to the Pantheon – the knowledge he had acquired after too many nights like this one.

“Yeah”, she nodded. Took a sip of her wine and brought her knees up to her chest, “I'm starting to miss it already.”

“You should buy it”, Daniel suggested, serious, until it occurred to him: “No. We should buy it, since now we'll be a married couple who do this kind of stuff together”.

She giggled at it, looking over at him with that face she made when he joked about serious things: lips pressed to hide a smile, eyes slowly blinking in disbelief, followed by a defeated exhale.

“Why would I, I mean, why would we want an apartment in Paris?”

“Uh.” He had no logical answer for that.

Just that he came to love the little details about that flat. The cat food by the entry door Els left for her neighbor's cat, Salmon. The old vinyl player in the kitchen, untouched because she didn't have any vinyl. A frame with a picture of them in last year's Le Mans next to the TV. And he knew the smoking he used to the Nobel Prize ceremony in December was tucked somewhere inside her wardrobe, just in case.

“Because it's cool?”

She of course didn't believe him.

“Listen, Amelie said we can visit Salmon whenever we want”, she said simply, as if she hadn't just read his mind, “And my contract ends this month anyway.”

“Have you decided where you going?” He asked, curious. Anxious.

She shook her head negatively.

“Maybe tuck myself in one of your bags and follow you to the Middle East?”

He wouldn't be against the idea.

“It's the wine talking, by the way, don't hold this against me tomorrow”, she accused, putting her glass on the ground inside and moving to sit closer to him, so much their tights touched and she rested her head on his shoulder, letting a tired yawn. “I'm very lucky.”

He huffed a laugh.

“It's not luck”, he cooed, “You're smart and very dedicated.”

“I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you”.

“Me?” He furrowed his brows.

“Yeah”, she sighed, “I’m very lucky you have you”.

Daniel pulled arm around her, his lips on the top of his head in a chest kiss.

“I'm very lucky to have you too”, he said against her head, “Maybe we can combine this double luck like a super power to make me get a win this weekend?”

She laughed, hugging his chest.

“You don't need luck, silly. You're smart and very dedicated”.

Daniel laughed, holding her tighter. And he couldn't help but think he was very lucky, indeed.

In the end, he did get a win in Baku. An amazing one by the way. He drove like a man possessed, parked the RB13 next to the big and envious number 1, and got out of the car jumping with satisfaction. He got up on the top step of the podium, heard the Australian national anthem, and drank champagne out of his shoe.

Els was there too, kissing him on the cheek and hugging him with congratulations between the podium ceremony and the media pen. He hugged her and promised they'd do something nice to celebrate later.

Not only his win but the fact that, just the day before, she got an offer to work as a full-time master teacher on Science Po in their newest unity in Menton, a small city in the south of France, just twenty minutes from Monaco. And she had accepted it without thinking twice.

Chapter Text

Nate woke up seeming to have realized, just then, where they were. He walked down the stairs slowly, one hand rubbing his eye and the other holding the handrail, eyes darting around to the rising sun and the wide ground floor, until he caught sight of his parents, stopping two steps before the end of the stairs.

First thing he did? Asked to see Samantha, of course.

So Eleonor tapped Daniel on the shoulder reassuringly and got up to take him there — in their PJs, sleepy faces, and everything. They went outside, up the hill of the ranch to the fowl run, grass touching their slippers and winter wind blowing their hairs.

Grant was there, thankfully, already checking on the animals just as the sun rose.

“Oh, look who’s here!”, he opened a smile and crouched down to greet Nate, who just high-fived him in a hurry while sprinting forward without thinking twice.

“Hello, Grant”, Eleonor smiled at him, walking at the normal speed, “How’s it going?”

“G’day, Mrs. Ricciardo”, he gave her a tip of his hat, “Everything all right, thank God. Our little Sam’s all brand new”.

Eleonor nodded, relieved. She had no idea what they would do if they lost Samantha. Nate came back in a second, running, to pull her by the hand to open the gate. She murmured a ‘thank you’ to Grant before letting herself be led to the fowl run.

Nate was jumping in excitement, with an excited grin that was identical to Daniel's, looking between his mother and the gate.

“Let's be careful. Okay?” She tried to advise him despite his short attention span.

But as soon as she opened the gate, he pulled it open and ran into there. All the chickens, immediately, sprinted around from the little storm entering their nest. Nate, on his part, was only interested in his best friend: an orange little chicken, with googly eyes and just one wing and a half that he carried to spend time with him at home.

Once inside their house, Eleonor took precautions closing the doors just as Nate dropped Samantha on the ground. She started bickering around with curiosity and he crouched by her side, smiling widely as he tried to pet her.

“Samantha!” Daniel appeared in the kitchen, apparently coming from a shower from his damp hair and changed clothes, with a soulful laugh, crouching down beside her and Nate ready to join the adventure.

“She's so smart”, Nate told Dan, dimples on display and crinkling, “She likes me”.

Daniel nodded solemnly.

“She absolutely adores you, buddy”.

Nate let out a sweet laugh and went to hug her and Samantha tried to run away, half flying in the way chickens do, and the little one went after her.

Daniel got up with a ghost of a smile on his face, walking to meet Eleonor on the kitchen counter.

“Mom called”, he told her, “She invited us for breakfast.”

“Oh, that's great”, she nodded and made a sorry look, “I was kinda dreading eating burnt pancakes and box joice ”.

“Hey! I was going to make great pancakes!” He protested.

“Sure”, she deadpanned, not believing it a bit. “I'm gonna get changed”.

“Uh, right. I…” Daniel trailed off as she was heading upstairs and Eleonor turned to see what it was. “I'm gonna meet Blanke.”

Oh. Right. That.

She had kinda forgotten it all in the middle of bigger things, like mending their fragmented relationship over the night.

“Oh…” She muttered, walking back to the counter again, unsure. “Do you want me to…?”

“What? No. No… No.” He shrugged, perhaps trying to act nonchalant. “No, it's okay. You two go and have fun. I'll meet you when we're done.”

Eleonor couldn't help but try to read further into it, to catch a glimpse of resentment or pain but there was just… just him, afraid. She wished none of it was happening. She wished to go back to January when they were still young and tucked in libraries and winning races and had high hopes for everything in the foreseeable future.

“It's gonna be fine, all right?” Her footsteps threaded lightly, stoping on the side of the kitchen counter again, just one step away from him.

Daniel's shoulders were a bit slumped, despite his expression remaining stoic: jaw set and neutral eyes. Eleonor hated it.

“You should tell him all of it.” She said, lowly and honestly, “Lucas offended Nate, you just defended him in the heat of the moment, There’s nothing wrong with it, really”.

Something shifted in his gaze, fixed on her with a feeling she couldn’t decipher, his lips a thin pout as his brain surely was a hundred kilometers per hour.

“Thanks”, he murmured, “I’ll try to fix it”.

It broke her heart whenever he felt like this, guilty for things that weren’t his fault. She had seen it too many times – when he DNFed, when she cried and he wasn’t home, when it rained on the fifth anniversary and they couldn’t go surf, when people talked shit about him and it wasn’t even the truth. She was sick of it, so she said:

“Don’t beat yourself for it”, as a clear order, and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, chaste and just a reminder of her fondness. Daniel’s reaction was unpayable, with wide honey eyes and jaw dropped. It made her all mellow inside.

He blinked.

“You know…” he started, a hand running on the side of his stubble, “that you said early about full honesty?”

“Yes”, she squinted suspiciously, “that was minutes ago.”

“Well.” He looked her right in the eye, almost to her soul, mischief glistening clear as the morning. “I’ll be honest and say that I want to kiss you very bad right now”.

She swallowed, definitely not expecting that. Not that it wasn’t welcomed. Just that she had forgotten how to do it without feeling like a teenage girl, warm in her core and butterflies in her stomach just as her lips involuntarily curved upwards. Dammit.

Daniel definitely saw it, from the way he stopped being surprised and arched a cocky brow at her.

Bastard.

“Okay, come here”, she motioned with both hands after taking a glance to check Nate and Samantha quietly on the mat.

“I’ll definitely go, ma’am…” he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes and gave him a peck. And just as she was pulling back, he placed a firm hand on the low of her back and crashed their lips together once again. Fierce and fiery, like blowing champagne and sunny mornings. She would never admit but she kind of melted a little, a knee giving in as his other hand came to the side of her neck, warm fingers brushing her skin.

She let him take it. Let him lead it. Let him lean in further and make her remember how their lips knew each other so well like so many other infinite times before, wet and a mixture of toothbrush and coffee. It tasted like home.

Until they both were startled by flappy feathers and a birdy cackle in between their legs, making them jump apart. Eleonor covered her mouth with her hand just in time to see Nate passing running and laughing out loud after his favorite animal in the world.

“Damn it, Samantha!” Daniel groaned.

+ + +

“Move! Where’s my favorite nephew?” Those were Michelle’s first words to Eleonor as she stormed into her parents' house. “Oh my God, he’s so big!”

“Ouch!” Eleonor tried not to be too hurt as her sister-in-law ran past her to where Nate was playing with Joe in the backyard.

Thankfully, her heart was soon healed by (no longer little) Isaac and Isabelle almost making her fall to the ground with the weight of their hugs.

“Aunt Els!” They both said in the same joyful tone they would have welcomed Santa Claus or the tooth fairy.

“Oh, hi! Hello!” She smiled fondly at them, who both definitely had grown ten centimeters or so since the last time she had seen them. “Jesus, what are you two on, uh?”

“Mom, says we’re going to the beach, is that so?” Isabelle asked, jumping in excitement and looking at her with big and bright blue eyes, her wavy blonde hair falling loose under a pink bow.

“But first we’re going to ride the bikes at your house, right,?” Isaac half-pouted and half-inquired. “Remember you said I could go when I was bigger? I’m bigger now!”

“Me too! Look, my new school bag of Sofia the First!”

Having the three kids (and Michelle) together in the house definitely raised the spirits. Eleonor soon was set on the couch, tea mug in hand, to listen to all their tales and news from the past months, which was a delight, to say the least. Isaac has graduated from the 2nd grade and his football team had won the local cup. Isabelle started doing karate and her new favorite color was orange (“but not orange-orange, but sunset orange, okay?”). And Nate sat by their side picking up on everything, feeling very big himself too telling how got Baby Shark floaters to swim at the beach.

“It’s all very fun, but we better hurry cause we got lots of things to do, right?” Michelle announced seriously, sitting by her side on the couch, “There’s the beach and movie theater, that my little gremlins won’t let me forget. And Nate says he wants to go to the zoo. And there’s the ice skating ring in the city center, and…”

As much as Eleonor loved them all very much, she still found herself, for some reason, uneasy with that program. It was odd, of course. She had gone to Scotty and Chloe’s party (a disaster), and out in Brazil for a tourist (that didn’t end very well either), and there was no logical reason to not go out to have fun with her family.

Still, she found herself sinking on the couch, cowardly at the thought of telling them this.

“Eleonor is accompanying me to the gallery”, Grace said, suddenly coming to give the kids the hot chocolate they had begged for minutes ago.

“Mom! It's summer!” Michelle protested.

“And the last sales day”, she shot back, unperturbed, “Go ice skating with the kids and your father.”

And it might have only been Eleonor’s impression that Grace blinked at her.

+ + +

“The Gallery”, it turned out, was a new hobby of Grace that consisted of disputing classic art books with other women from the Country Club. The dispute, however, didn’t consist of a regular auction, but of bickering and ego-showing until everyone got tired and let you take the book.

“I hope you don’t mind”, Grace muttered to her as they walked the cobblestone ground to the pier of the club, “But I had a huge fight with Inez and Rebeca last week. They are driving me nuts, and today I really could use some help”.

It wasn’t hard, actually. All Eleonor had to do was throw a few historical nonsense based on what she knew about sculptures and ancient epigraphy. The old ladies gaped at her, full of frowns and:

"That's not fair".

"Is that even true?"

"Where did you get her from, Grace?"

"That's a secret I'll never tell, now give me that, Inez", Grace motioned to the book of the size of a brick while Eleonor braced herself from laughing, "I was very good to see you, ladies, but I have other affairs to do".

They both nodded shortly as a farewell and walked quickly back to the car. Just then they allowed themselves to laugh and brag about their little dramatic theater.

“This was the coolest thing I've ever done” Grace confessed with a laugh in the passenger seat.

“Me too!” Eleonor turned the car on, still in awe.

“Let me tell you this: when I got into this art stuff thing I didn't expect it to have such adrenaline. You should come to the great Christmas auction, The girls are absolutely going to bite their heads off of jealousy”.

Eleonor shook her head with humor.

“Jesus, Grace, this art stuff is making you aggressive…”

“Nah, it’s good for the brain”, she made a dismissive motion with her hand while the other held the book securely on her lap, “But no worries, we can go to the church and repent if you let your thoughts be too devious.”
For a second, Eleonor didn’t know if she was joking or not. She settled for the first option, getting out of the Club’s parking lot.

“You’re joking”, still, she squinted at her waiting for a confirmation.

“Yes. But would you mind if we passed there just one second? I need to do something.”

“Of course.”

Eleonor felt good being useful, so she drove there happily. One of Daniel’s country CDs were stuck in the car radio, so they had to listen to Kenney Chesney all the way there.

The church was large and imponent, growing under the blue shining sky and over a wide field of grass. Grace seemed familiar with it, greeting a few people and a priest with friendly hellos. Meanwhile, Eleonor just shyly followed her, observant about the building structure and the beauty of the sculpted ceiling.

As she observed, she got lost in her own wander. When she looked around, Grace had gone to one big wall on the side, full of candles. Eleonor walked there curiously, figuring there were all the different types positioned carefully on the many shelves. Big and small, large and thin, brand new and almost done, lit up and smokey.

Grace had stopped by one set of four, concentrating on lighting up a match to light them up. When Eleonor stopped by her side, she smiled at her while not taking the focus out of her task.

"It’s a silly habit that makes me feel good", she explained, match on the first wick, "One candle for each one of my grandkids. To their wellness, you know".

Eleonor nodded quietly, smiling at how adorable it was and guarding herself to just observe. It took her one moment too long to notice: four candles. Not three, four.

It was almost like watching it from above and in slow motion, how her chin dropped as she got agape, how her eyes soon were fixed on the tint, tiny burning flame on the stone shelf. How she swallowed as something inside her twisted and so easily made her vision blurry with sadness.

She had to bite her lip to prevent a weep from coming out. She wasn’t going to cry there, definitely not. That single tear didn't count as crying, by the way. Neither the next one nor the handful of others that followed, streaming down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around herself and couldn’t tear her gaze away from the fourth candle.

"We should pass on the grocery store to buy some mor-" Grace stopped upon turning and seeing her face. "Oh, sweetheart..."

"I'm sorry", she muttered, barely a broken whisper, as she felt she had a lot to be sorry for.

"Oh, no... No, worries. Come here..." She didn’t wait before wrapping Eleonor in a warm hug, arms around her shoulders, letting her cry and cry and cry inside her embrace.

Because it was so easy to fall into it again: the pain, the loss, the permanent empty space inside her heart that nothing in the world could fill again.

"Go on", Grace’s hand rubbed her back, "Just let it all out".

It was embarrassing, really, how long they stayed like that and for how long Eleonor’s weeping lasted. But Grace, ever since they met, had been so welcoming and so caring that she couldn't help but just... Just.

"I miss my mother", she confessed after a while, when they sat on an empty wooden bench. Eyes puffy and voice raw. "I'm very grateful for having you, of course, but..."

"Oh, of course", Grace nodded, a hand on her shoulder, as if it was obvious and simple. "There are wounds that only a motherly hug can cure, that's for sure.".

Eleonor remembered the last time she hugged her mother. She was hurt and desperate for comfort, just like now. Her mother smelled like hospitals and sickness, but also like love and care.

“It's just…” She searched for the right words, “She doesn't know anything about me now. What I've done, where I am. About Daniel and Nate, and you guys. So much has happened, I just wish I could tell her.”

“What do you mean?” Grace said with a mix of secrecy and partnership, “Of course, she knows. Mothers always know”.

Eleonor couldn't stop her mind from wandering toward the unknown, of her unborn child and her thoughts full of love around it. A few stubborn tears fell down her cheeks so she fell the need to change the subject before she started crying again.

“It's very thoughtful of you to do this”, she said, meaning every word, eyes pointing to the wall near them.

“Oh, It's nothing”, she shrugged, despite it being everything, “God only knows the mischiefs these kids get themselves into, right?”

That managed a laugh out of her.

“I hope Michelle and Joe can stop them from turning the ice ring upside down”.

Grace arched a brow to her with the ghost of a smile.

“I'd say I do too but who would we be trying to fool?”

Eleonor laughed along, hand over her cheek trying to wipe the last few drops of emotion and to calm her heart who ached to dive deep into the pain.

She pushed it all aside, except for a new and strange feeling that made her want to talk about it. But not with Grace, despite her care and fondness, but with the only person that Eleonor thought could get it.

Lucky her he was only a few blocks away and would probably meet her before evening.

+ + +

Daniel (finally) showed up after lunchtime. Eleonor tried not to look too excited on seeing him, pretending to still focus on the game of Trash with Joe on the dining table, as he was happily greeted in the living room. Peaking discreetly, she saw through the open door when the kids jumped at him and everything.

She threw a few cards away. He seemed good, in beach shorts and and Enchanté t-shirt from the last collection, a dark green one, grinning as he tried to put the three little ones on the ground.

Joe laughed, catching her attention.

“If I knew having Daniel around would make you this distracted I’d have told him to come sooner”, he muttered, shaking his head at his cards with satisfaction.

Eleonor didn’t understand at first until she saw what cards she just had thrown away: her three best ones Joe was trying to make her discard it’s been six rounds.

Her jaw dropped and her cheeks reddened. She saw Daniel approaching the dining room.

“Not. A. Word.” She urged her father-in-law, holding her cars tighter and looking pointedly at him.

Joe let out a little silly and witty laugh just as Daniel entered the room.

“Sup, pops”, he greeted his father with a tap on the back, eyeing the items on the table, “Els is not being too harsh on you, isn’t she?”

“Quite the opposite. I think she’s letting me win”, Joe didn’t even stutter. Traitor.

Daniel clicked his tongue, surprised and disappointed.

“Well, you gotta tell me what’s the secret. I haven’t won a card game against her in eight years”, he muttered, finally looking at her over the table with a playful wink.

She wanted to die. Also: eight years, holy fuck. That was a lot of years.

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you…” Joe crooned, happily making his next move.

“All right, stop discussing my game strategies in front of me”, she intervened before it went too far, voice even and calm, like a pro.

“Tell me later”, he fake-whispered to his father, making her roll her eyes and try to return her attention to the game.

But then Daniel smiled, raising his arms to stretch them over his head, muscles at the display as the sleeves of his shirt slid a bit down. And Eleonor wanted his arms to strangle until she was breathless and crushed by their strength. Sometimes this made her slightly insane, knowing she could casually go there, reach up with her hand and trace the muscles with her fingers, and pass her knuckles over each one of his slutty tattoos. Pass her tongue over each one of his slutty tattoos. Respectfully. And he stayed there with that big ass smile that could light up a cosmopolitan modern town as if he didn't know what effect he had on her.

“So”, she cleared her throat, “everything all right?”

He nodded.

“Yeah”, in a way that meant ‘later’, “Just have one more task and then I’m done with work for the day”.

“Later” turned out to be almost by the sunset, when Mark arrived from work straight to the full house, adding to the fun. Not too long later, he said he needed to go by some car store to pick up a new quadricycle, and, for some reason, everyone went along with him. After, they took the new bike to test it on the small circuit in the back of the ranch.

They ended up on a line to the track, over the little heaps of dirt. Nate was on his grandfather's shoulders, Mark led the way with Isabelle on the turn-off vehicle while Isaac ran back and forth around the group and Michelle and Grace shared a blanket. It was starting to get dark so Daniel casually called Eleonor to help him turn on the lights.

“We had endless reunions, no one was happy, it sucked. Nothing special”, he explained to her just as they reached the barn where the light control was set.

“I'm sorry, Daniel…” she lamented, awful, with her arms around herself to block the soft windy breeze.

He just shrugged, opening the light control on the red wooden wall and looking for the right buttons before pushing them.

“Well, it happens. Mclaren was the least worried of them all, ironically. But, here's the thing”, looking a bit queasy, he closed the light control and leaned his back against the wall, “They want me to put out a statement, on what happened.”

“Oh”.

“Yeah”, he raised his eyebrows, getting the feeling. “Blake helped me with the writing but I wanted you to take a look first, of course.”

He took his cell phone out of his back pocket, unblocked it, and handed it to her.

“All right”, she nodded.

She picked up a lit-up screen on the notes app and about two pages of texts. The words were careful, direct, and a bit cold, like any other PR statement in the world of sports. But she could read the Daniel on it, how Nate’s name wasn’t mentioned even once, despite “my son”, being. How Lucas was barely addressed as a person, and more like a non-human inconvenience. How he didn’t say he was sorry but, in other ways, said he wished that hadn’t happened.

Her heart tightened with the impact of it, unsure of how people would react or how that could affect him, but, as far she could tell…

“Well. It's great”, she handed him the phone back, and blinked at the poor choice of words, “I mean, it's awful, but it's great. You get it? I don't think it can get better.”

“Thanks…”

Daniel with few words was never a good sign, so she sighed, cocking her head to the side a bit to coo.

“But something’s bothering you”, she nudged slowly, carefully.

With his hands crossed behind his back and his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, he faced the ceiling for a moment before glancing back at her. Hesitant.

“I wish I didn't have to expose Nate like this.”

She drew a sweet smile at him, understanding.

“Yes, but”, she considered what would be the right words to make him feel better, “Think of it as a formal clarification. I know you wouldn't do it if it wasn't extremely necessary. And I'm sure if Nate was old enough to get what's happening he would understand it either.

Daniel laughed. Sighed, pushed himself away from the wall, and kicked the dirt with his Nikes.

“I don't want to be an adult anymore. I want to go primary school, watch the clouds and eat dirt”.

She let out a huff.

“Why the one that surprises me the most is you wanting to go to school?”

“Ha-ha!” He deadpanned, looking at her with seriousness but humor at the same time.

“But, well, there's a lot of cool stuff adults do that kids can't”, she tried to enter the banter, following his reasoning.

“Like writing shitty press releases?” He arched a dispirited brow at her.

“No…” She said as if it was obvious, despite that it wasn’t, thinking of something quickly, “Like… |Like go on… big rollercoasters in the park. Buy their own motorcycles. Have sex. Start their own wine brand!”

“What?” His head snapped up.

“What, what?” Her eyes widened as a deer under the headlights.

“Have sex?” He squinted, face curious, “Why did you say that?”

“Because it's something adults do.” She faked a laugh that she hoped it wasn’t too giving away, looking at something in the wall behind him.

“Yeah, but why did you bring that up?”

“Because it crossed my mind!”

He squinted at her. She faked indifference.

“Have you been crying?” He asked.

That took her by surprise, it seemed a lifetime ago. And Eleonor couldn't help but laugh.

“I think this is the weirdest conversation we ever had”, she confessed, finding it funny.

He smiled, but arched a brow nonetheless, waiting for an answer. It was Eleonor's time to sigh, thinking about the conversation they had during the night, not wanting to go back on their progress. So she said:

“Yes”, she swallowed, “I went out with your mother, and we passed on the church. She has candles for her grandkids. Four of them. That made me very emotional”.

He made a surprised ‘oh’ with his mouth.

“Did you know about that?” She asked, curious.

Daniel denied it with his head. The silence fell between them, despite the crickets afar and the engine sound mixed up with laughter coming from the track.

“Well, I own a truth now, then, right?” He said.

Eleonor smiled softly. She didn't really expect anything in return. It was nice just to pour her heart out a bit, to be sure there was someone she could share a burden with. And maybe Daniel needed that too, so she just listened.

“I've been thinking about Nate's cochlear implants again”, he confessed, in a lighter tone than before but still quiet and full of worry, “Not because of what happened, exactly, but because of it too, of course. But mainly because time is passing too fast and he's going to school in September and. Well.”

He sighed and scrapped a hand over his beard.

“I'm just worried.”

Eleonor lips were a thin line of apprehension as she swallowed. At this point, she was getting used to random topics, with variable amounts of importance and weight, being tossed at the most diverse conversations.

“I get it…”, she said, maybe lowly than she expected but still. “It 's just. I can't do this on my own, you know? And I don't mean that you're not around or anything but-”

“But I'm not”, he filled in, a humorless smile on his beautiful lips.

“No…” she cried, not wanting to go there, Not wanting to make him sadder.

“Not enough.” He pressed, not angry at least. “Not for this.”

That had been a crazy issue a few months before when everything was worse than it had ever been. Nate had had the surgery in December, when Eleonor was still pregnant and everything was according to the plan. But he hated it, which made her feel incredibly guilty. And, once things got hurried and complicated, it was just easier to ignore for the sake of any minute of peace she could get. So, every time Daniel came home from races there used to be a discussion around the topic.

He would find them, late at night, half asleep on the couch with Paw Patrol on, and ask if he didn’t want the conchlears to watch TV. “He doesn’t want them to do anything”, Eleonor would explain with a yawn. Then, in the morning, she would tell him how he once threw them in the toilet, and Daniel would say something like, “I know. He's having a hard time adapting, I get it. But maybe... Maybe he's a bit spoiled, that's it.”, and Eleonor would scoff with an offended face and the argument would turn into: “Maybe he's getting away with it”, “He's 2!”, “Exactly. Shouldn't we, I don't know, be more rigid?”, “More rigid?”. And, somehow, the discussion concerning their son's development abruptly turned into a huge argument about how they saw each other as parents, which, of course, was a sensitive topic that had become oversensitive considering the recent circumstances.

On and on and on, until one of them cried or the other stormed off and the whole thing was set aside in a very unhealthy and hurtful way.

“Listen, I just” she signed again, putting her most honest thoughts on display. “I agree that is something we should work through. Maybe set up a different strategy?”

H looked at her surprise. After a moment, he opened a soft and thankful smile at her.

“Thank you”.

She let out a relieved breath for some reason, feeling the tears all over again and choosing a playful comment to avoid them.

“You don't need to thank me. This is a partnership”, she joked

“Well”, he considered, “Then I guess I'm thanking you for being the best partner in the world”.

+ + +

The next morning, they sat on the ground, eye to eye with him, and had a conversation like the Montessori parents they tried to be.

“So, Nate. Daddy and Mamãe know you're not the greatest fan of these little guys here”, Daniel calmly explained, pointing to the closed cochlear box on the center table.

“No!”, Nate immediately made an unhappy frown, “No, Daddy!”

“Son…”

“Don’t want them!” He stepped on foot angrily on the ground, as he did very rarely. Not up to conversation, so.

That was how far things usually went with Eleonor. So she held her breath, curiously watching how Daniel would handle it.

“Can you say why you don’t want them?”, he kept his composure, unaffected by his little tantrum.

Nate, on his part, seemed surprised by the question, taking a while to raise his hands and explain his thoughts.

“I don't like them. I hate.”

“Can you say why you hate them?”

Daniel's hands were sure and patient, firm but careful. Nate's eyes turned a little watery, his lower lip forming an upset pout and he took unsure steps from one side to the other.

“Too much noise”, he outcried.

“You don't like the noise?”

Perfect, Eleonor thought, that should be the end of the conversation. Until Nate elaborated.

“Too messy. Not cool”, he slowly told Daniel, as if to make him understand a very complicated topic, “It's wrong!”

“Okay…” Daniel nodded, thoughtful, for a while, “I think I know how it is”.

“You know?” something between shock and astonishment passed on his gaze.
“Yes”, Daniel maintained the thoughtful tone, “See, when I'm sad or angry, I also don’t like a mess. And in our house, you know? There’s too much sometimes. The beach, the cars, the neighbors... too much sound, right?”

Nate nodded with big round honey eyes, bitting one finger unsure. And then, very shocked:

“Daddy gets sad?” As if the thought had never occurred to him before.

Daniel let out an amused laugh, and Eleonor, with her chin resting on her hand, saw herself with a mirroring smile.

“Yes, little Nate, I do”, still amused, he tried to explain. “When Mamãe doesn’t let me watch fighting on TV, I get very sad”.

Nate turned to Eleonor's jaw dropped, and she hid her face between her hands, not sure if how funny she found it would help.

“What?”

“Yeah”, Daniel, like the terrible actor that he was, kept on with the serious explanation, “Also, when it’s dark and we have to leave the park, I get sad. And when the Grinch ruined the Christmas, that made me the saddest”.

“But, wait”, Nate interrupted, stopping Daniel’s hands so it was his turn to contribute, “The Grinch made Christmas again! And he got happy!”

The talk about feelings lasted for about twenty minutes more, until he found a cue to bring up the sore topic again.

“So, how about we try something different, you know? Just us, here. There are no cars, no beach. Just Daddy, and Mamãe, and calm. Calm is good.”

Nate didn't answer. Instead, he came to Eleonor, throwing himself in her arms for comfort. She couldn't deny it, wrapping her arms tightly around him and kissing the top of his head a couple of times.

But Daniel was there, looking at them with so much love and care, a soft smile on his lips as he observed the familiar scene. That was what she needed, to make Nate sit on her lap but still face his father, getting what he had to say.

“And what about Samantha? Don't you wanna know what she sounds like?” Daniel tried.

Nate remained unsure. But unsure was better than throwing the cochlear in the toilet.

“We can make a deal”, Dan proposed, “You use them just as we go outside, and when we come back you can take them off if you want. Is that good?”

It took him a moment of consideration, but he nodded along, accepting the deal. Eleonor held her breath, and, just for a fraction of a time, Daniel shared a successful smile with her.

It was a very delicate moment. Eleonor smiled and held Nate’s hand the whole time as Daniel helped him put each cochlear on the side of his head. They acted normally, still talking in sign language but trying to make the least noise possible with everything else. But Nate was still a bit unsettled, which meant quiet and clingy.

So Daniel had to carry him all the way up to the fowl run. Eleonor watched them with a warm heart, how Nate had his head laid on his father’s collarbone, arms around his neck as if to never let him go away. And Daniel, very composed, gestured softly to the view ahead. He tried to talk Nate into building a tree house or something, which earned him a nod against his chest.

They went to check the chickens, which got Nate a little bit more excited (though not enough to leave Daniel's arms), and found out that Samantha had laid eggs! Which was crazy.

Daniel made a joke about taking them for lunch and Nate started crying. Then Eleonor spent fifteen minutes trying to convince him his father was just a little clown who knew nothing about how they couldn’t eat chicks. On the corner of her eye, she saw Daniel dying trying not to laugh.

And it was the first time in months Nate spent more than an hour with his cochlears.

+ + +

Later that morning she decided to venture into the main room wardrobe to see if there was something they should take back to Monaco. There was a lot of stuff they kept there that ended up forgotten, like photo albums, baby clothes, mini helmets, and old thesis drafts.

When she was standing over a stool while looking over the wardrobe, dangerously tiptoeing, Daniel entered the room out of nowhere.

“Hi”, he announced, decided.

“Hm?” She looked over her shoulder, a hand reaching to a box she was sure contained their pictures on Disney Paris. “Oh, I thought you went to get Nate's hair cut.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m going”, he scrubbed his palms over his shorts, seeming oddly nervous for some reason.

She kept on shoving and messing around with the boxes, focused on getting that pictures when Daniel said:

“Do you wanna go out with me?” He straightened his spine and pointed his chin up.

She frowned.

“To your barber?”

His demeanor faltered.

“Hm. No. Sorry. Actually…” He clasped his hands in front of his body, “Out as in a date.”

Bump! A tray of boxes fell to the ground with a loud thud. She stumbled, struggling to fall up and well in a second, as Daniel sprinted to her, stopping by the mess of photos and cardboard splattered on the ground.

“It’s okay, all right”, she brushed her hair off her face, pressing her lips in a thin line and feeling 23 again.

“Really?” he had a worried tone.

“Yeah. Uh.” She cleared her throat and stared at him. “A date, you said?”

Daniel regained his posture, suddenly all prone up and confident.

“Yes, ma'am.”

“When?”

“Uh…” He seemed to not have thought it through, which made her laugh a bit. “Well, tomorrow Mark is taking the kids to the zoo so… tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow night.”

Eleonor shook her head slowly.

“Where?” She asked because all of it was new and exciting.

“Ah”, he wiggled his dark brown eyebrows at her. “It's a surprise”,

“No…” she squinted back.

“Yes. You and me. Fancy clothes. Nice food. Jazz music.”

“You don’t like jazz.”

“No, but you do.”

Her mouth parted slightly, shocked. She closed it purposely. Analyzing him the way she used to do when he asked her out back when they met. Something passed in Daniel's gaze that made his lips turn slightly up.

“What are you smiling at?” She inquired, feeling oddly vulnerable.

“Nothing…” He lied, smiling wider.

“It is something!”

“Just how easily I can still make you blush like this”, with a proud grin he pointed to both of her cheeks with his finger.

She held her breath, biting her tongue and looking away before saying:

“All right”, just for him to get going.

“Yes?” He asked.

She nodded.

“Yes. Let’s go.”

“Great! So…” He beamed, frowned, then shrugged his head. “Nothing, forget it. I was gonna say something about meeting and switching info but then remembered we live together, so…”

She hid a laugh behind her hand, secretly praying she wasn’t flushed like a teenager.

“Yeah, right.”

“I’ll see you around then”, he said walking back to the door.

Eleonor stayed standing in the room like a fool until he got out with Nate. She waited until the car vanished on the front gateway, watching by the bedroom window, before dialing the number on her phone and biting her thumb nervously until her friend bricked up.

“Hello?” Kelly’s sleepy voice sounded muffled and confused. It musthave been 6 am in Croatia.

“Daniel asked me out!” She blurted out, pacing on the wooden floor.

“Hm? What?” She yawned, “Daniel, as in, your husband?”

“Yes!”

“All right, uh. Sorry, I’m not getting it.”

“He came up here and asked me out. On a date!” She whispered the last part, even being home alone, the words stumbling over one another as she blurted them out nervously, “I said yes, but, I don’t know. I don’t even know where we going, what would I wear. I haven’t gone out at night in ages and-”

She was cut out by her friend’s laugh, finding it all, for some reason, really funny. Eleonor frowned, deeply offended.

“Do not! Laugh!”

“I’m- I’m sor-”, she coughed, “I’m sorry, I- oh dear! You’re nervous about going out with your husband? That’s adorable. What are you, sixteen?”

“I’m serious!” And she did sound serious, “The last time we got out, just the two of us, it was like… to go grocery shopping?”

“Okay, okay, hm…” Kelly’s laugh died a bit, though Eleonor could picture her biting a smile. “There’s no reason to feel like this, you know each other so well. Just have fun.”

It’s not that simple. She didn’t even bring her “go out with your partner” clothes. And, what would they talk about? That was the thing that scared her the most, because, lately, there was no way they could talk for over 5 minutes without stumbling on the topics that made them the angriest. It wasn’t…

“It’s not that simple”, she mumbled, shyly.

Kelly breathed in and out.

“Fine. What are you worried about?” And to her credit, she sounded interested and patient.

“Like…” So many things. “Uh. Why did he ask me out of nowhere? It’s just… suspicious.”

“Suspicious… that he wanted to spend time with you and perhaps have a few drinks?”

Yes! Her mind screamed, but she remained ashamedly silent.

“Right, listen”, Kelly used her calm motherly tone, “You know things get different when you have a kid, right? We need this kind of stuff once in a while. To keep the flame alive.”

Her face suddenly felt hot and red. That was another thing.

“Come on”, Kelly nudged her, her voice clearer, “You know what? You should do something different. Go buy something nice, spend the afternoon in the salon, get a massage, and treat yourself a bit so you relax.”

“Hm, I don’t think I-”

“You know what?” She interrupted, excited, “I’m gonna call Michelle and tell her to take you, or else I know you’ll panic.”

This was what best friends were for, right? Eleonor called for a reason, so now she forced herself to listen to Kelly’s pieces of advice and scold and act like a grown woman.

The conversation spiraled, and they ended up talking about updates, funny stories, gossip, and nonsense until Eleonor saw the Ranger coming back through the front gate.

“I gotta go, he’s back!” Eleonor whispered on the phone, full of secrecy.

“Oh, God forbid he finds out we’re friends!” She mocked in a theatrical tone. “By the way, did you know I’m dating his best friend? Max! You must have heard about him.”

Eleonor rolled her eyes in the hopes Kelly could picture it on the other side of the line.

Chapter Text

Daniel parked at a marvelous spot, right by the ancient stone alcoves of the humanities building from the Arts campus of the University of West Australia. For that night, he had chosen one of his proudest beauties: his noir Aston Martin Vantage, which purred like the great machine that it was and flew through the outback’s highway.

Almost as beautiful as the woman on the passenger seat.

When she went to open the door, as he turned the vehicle off, he quickly leaned over her to prevent it.

“Wait!” He interrupted, maybe a bit too hurried from her shocked face, “Let’s do it the right way, okay?”

Daniel got out, took a turn around the car, and hurried to open the door for her, like the gentleman that he was.

“Please, madame”, he courtesied in a faux posh accent, one hand casually gesturing for her to step out.

Els had her holding-back face when she bit the inside of her cheek to prevent a smile, but her eyes still glistened with amusement and curiosity at him. Honestly, he didn’t even know why she held back, he knew he was adorable.

“Wow”, standing on his side, she looked at the building with surprise, “A university”.

She looked at him with disbelief and an arched brow, half a question, half a statement. Daniel closed the car’s door without letting the ball drop.

“Yep, ma’am”, he handed her his arm, “Shall we?”

Jumping on the whole purpose of the night, despite a careful gaze, she laced their arms together, wearing a long black dress and loosened wavy hair that made her look like an Italian actress from the 90s. In his simple black pants and buttoned t-shirt, Daniel distantly hoped he had chosen something he knew, for sure, she would like. Not that jazz and wine nonsense that he came up with in nervousness and eagerness, no. (That led to him tapping his head on the steering wheel and muttering "dumb, dumb, dumb" until Nate looked at him with a funny face asking if they were playing hide and seek.)

No, Daniel thought of something better. Something genius. Something he couldn't believe he never thought of before.

They walked to the old and big building, stopping in front of the door next to a few people gathering and chatting ahead of the time set in front of a big banner where it was written:

“Wine and Drawing?” She turned at him surprised. In a good way, he hoped.

“In Greek style!” He completed, bemused at the small letters on the banner.

Eleonor laughed, her hands on his arms tightening a bit as she glanced between him and the event ahead.

“Oh, Daniel… that sounds…” her laughter died as she searched for the right words, nodding at him, “Like an adventure.”

“Super definitely, honey baby”, he bumped their hips together playfully, because, in his head, they had already painted awful drawings, laughed at each other, got flushed from the drinks, and ended up snogging in the back of the car.

It was the perfect plan.

“You reckon we’re terrible artists, yes?” She sounded a little hesitant.

Exactly like the plan.

“What plan?” She frowned at him.

“What?” Had he said that out loud? Shucks. “Nothing. Let’s get going so we can get good spots”.

Their names were on the list. Fake names, of course, because he thought ahead like this. The place was lit up by dim lights and candles, sets of tables for two splattered in a big half-moon around the wide art atelier, with canvases and sets of paints and brushes all around under the jazz music.

“Please”, he pulled a chair for her.

“What a gentleman”, she commented, and, once they were sitting and waiting, with one arm over the white cloth and her chin resting on her hand, “Let me say, it’s adorable seeing you getting everything outlined like this. I kinda expected we would end up on a track in the forest, climbing trees to hide from snakes.”

He was almost awning at the compliment when the double meaning hit him.

“You’re never letting it go, aren’t you?” He shot but with no heat behind it. Actually, he even let out a humorous huff at the memory from a few years ago.

“Nope”, she blinked in fake innocence, “Though it was kinda funny and romantic in the beginning, I don’t look forward to repeating it”.

“You just are allergic to wildlife adventures!”

She scoffed, hand over her heart taking offense.

“We almost got bit by that horrendous creature that we only see in NatGeo!”

“I told you, it was just a raccoon!” He stressed, though not even himself believed it.

It was definitely a poisonous-looking snake.

“Daniel. It was a haunted snake”.

“This doesn’t even exist”, he shrugged, pretending to disagree, just because he loved it.

Loved it. Nonsense talking. Good memories. She, rolling her eyes as scooting closer to him just to argue.

“This is not over…” she promised, serious.

And he was so focused on bickering with her that he hadn’t realized everyone was sitting at their tables and the music had lowered to ambiance sound as a man with a white beard, dressed in something that looked like a Greek gown, stepped on the center of the room.

“Good night, fellow enthusiasts of art”, he greeted, “My name is Cornelius, professor of Fine Arts here at the UWA, and I’ll be your guide for the night.”

Daniel tried to imitate Eleonor’s concentrated stance, hand under the table, and interested eyes. They listened to the professor's introductions about the history of sketching as waiters paced around to serve their glasses to one-third with the burgundy liquid.

“Tonight”, Cornelius continued in a poetic tone that reminded Daniel of his philosophy teacher from high school, “You all should let your creativity flourish. Flow with no restraints. Approach the colors with an open mind, and let the pencil run with no rules. And remember: there is no bad work. Now, you may start gathering the supplies as we settle the models”.

Hm. That didn’t sound so hard…

“What are you doing?” Els asked, curious as she picked a holder with a few paintbrushes.

Daniel wasn’t sure, but a light bulb shone above his head.

“Your tattoo.”

He watched her open a big grin, cackling with the silly punchline and making him stupidly proud.

“That won’t require much skill, that’s for s…”

The comment died in her mouth as her eyes flickered away to the center of the room. All amusement turned into a shocked drop of her jaw.

Daniel followed her gaze, and he couldn’t believe his eyes.

The professor, whatever his name was, was naked. Like, all clean as he came into this world. No clothes. Nada. Standing on a little step. One hand on his hip and face up in a weird pose Daniel couldn’t look too much at.

Daniel’s right eye trembled a bit as he couldn’t even concentrate enough to drop his jaw.

He looked away. Looked around: everybody was normal. Why was everybody normal? With a long blink, trying to erase the image from his head, he looked over to his wife.

Eleonor had two fingers on the bridge of her nose and her eyes forcibly shut, head low as if to hide her contracted face while she tried to restrain a laugh.

Daniel looked to the guy again, to be sure he wasn’t nuts, and, yep… it was still there. Jeepers. What kind of drowning session was that? He looked up to the ceiling in a silent prayer to the universe but soon was taken out of his thoughts by a cackle.

He knew it was her before he looked over. But he looked over.

And, when their eyes met, Eleonor busted out in the loudest, most disturbing, and profound laugh ever.

+ + +

Eleonor had been laughing for five minutes now.

Daniel had a scowl, hands in his pockets, and a very ashamed expression.

“I can’t believe we got kicked out”, he murmured. To the wind, since she probably wasn’t listening to him above her own amusement.

“I can’t believe he got naked!” She straightened her spine enough to look at him and say, before wrinkling her eyes and bending over with laughter again, one hand over her belly and the other holding on the wall for dear life.

“Els”.

“I- oh, caramba”, she breathed in and out through her mouth. Her mouth tended to curve up in a fraction of a second, in a way that gave Daniel the urge to smile too, “I- gotta pee”.

She fell into it again. Her face was red and actual tears were falling on her face.

“I had no idea this would happen.” Daniel muttered, indignant, “How was I supposed to know that geek style meant naked?!”

“It wouldn’t- oh. Not be this”, a deep breath, then another, “This funny if you…”

She couldn’t finish the sentence, falling into cackling again. Daniel was infected by it, naturally, huffing a laugh himself at how crazy the whole thing was. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw her laughing like this, his heart ached with fondness. He wanted to make it last forever. To store it and use it as his ringtone.

“Puta merda, meu Deus…” She breathed after a very, very long time, straightening her spine and wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes, “That was unexpected”.

“I can’t believe we got kicked out”, he repeated, because he still couldn’t believe it.

“Oh”, she faked a sad pout, despite her mischievous eyes, “Wanna come back and draw Cornelius’ ass?”

“Shut up!” He rolled his eyes, no heat behind it.

“Oh, Dan, this was the first time we saw someone else naked together!” She mused, mouth parted in thrill, “We should make it special! It’ll be our… buttversary!”

As much as he hated the idea of being responsible for his wife seeing another man naked, damned be him, Daniel couldn’t help but laugh at the wackiness of her remark. At her being funny. Nudging his arm and calling him into the joke.

“It sucks that our night ended this early, tho”, he lamented, though still lighthearted, “We could’ve discovered ourselves as the new Picasso, for sure”.

“Oh, no”, her hands closed around his bicep, pleading, “No. We can do something else. Come on, we don’t have Michelle doing sleepovers every day”.

The implication was enough to make Daniel’s brain light up in all regions. Even his lower brain, a bit, which he mentally urged to keep his cool and act like a gentleman.

“Of course, it’s just. I haven’t thought of anything else, sadly”. To this, Els crisped her lips, thoughtful, hands moving away from him to touch her hair and he missed the warmth of their closeness, instantly. “But maybe, I don’t know…”

“What?” She looked into his eyes with big expectations.

“Well. We can extend this buttversary thing and do other things together for the first time. Make it a tradition.”

It sounded silly. It probably was silly and stupid, but, for some reason, she nodded along, and, with a bold expression, she said:

“All right. I’m in.”

“Perfect!” He smiled, wanting to jump in excitement though no particular program passed his mind. Except for… “Oh, I know the perfect thing! Ho-Ho-Ho, you’ll love it!”

“What?” Her smile met her eyes.

Daniel swallowed. Prepared himself to profess wise words. And seriously announced:

“We should apply to Na—”

“We’re not going to apply for Naked and Afraid!” She formed a scowl very quickly, even before he finished.

All right. That was on him, he set the bar too high. However, another less cool idea occurred to him soon.

“Ooh”, he snapped his fingers with excitement, catching her hesitant look, “We should try the World's spiciest chicken hot wings!”

“Hm.” She pondered, hands on her hips and her head slightly leaning to the side. “That would be nice, actually. Though I doubt the world's spiciest chicken hot wings are in Perth.”

Daniel scoffed, offended.

“How dare you. They totally are! In a food park in the Heirisson Islands, it’s the city’s new hot spot.”

Eleanor didn’t look convinced, leaning against the wall on her side with a dismissive shake of her head.

“A place named Heirisson Island sounds even less likely…”

“What?” Now Daniel was truly adamant. “It’s where the fireworks are on New Year’s Eve!”

Her eyebrows knitted together.

“What does this prove?”

“You know what! Your know-it-all”, he crossed his arms over his chest in defiance, “I bet they are there! And I bet they're gonna make your tongue burn and call the firefighters!”

The word “bet” seemed to have the exact expected effect, marking her straighten up, squinting at him with a smirk.

“I bet they are not.” She shot back. “And I'll have two of them!”

“Perfect. If I win…” he was definitely going to win this one, so he better think of something good. “We apply to Naked and Afraid”.

She didn’t even look bothered.

“Deal”, was her answer with a plain face. “And if I win… you shave a mustache!”

Daniel laughed.

“Uh, excuse me”, he raised a finger like raising a point, “I only see a winner here. I rock in mustaches, honey…”

“Fine”, she muttered. Not disagreeing, he noticed. Then her eyes lightened up with excitement. “A pornstache, then!”

What. His chin actually fell. That naughty woman! Wanting him to walk around in his hometown with that cowboy mustache…

“Dammit…”

That reaction seemed to please her enough to get going.

“Let’s go…” She sang, “You’ll have to lend me your camera!”

+ + +

Daniel lost the bet in the same way you get caught inside a wave: dramatically, stupidly, and making Eleonor laugh.

It happened in less than two minutes — his throat burnt like a thousand fires, his eyes prickled with tears, and his breath made him feel like a dragon from Game of Thrones.

“Delicious, no?” Els smirked at him, provoking.

From the other side of the elevated table, she had her second chicken wing already by half, the corner of her mouth slightly orange because of the sauce and all that pepper. All that pepper!

“Hm…”, was all Daniel could answer in his misery, mouth full of boiling ember that made his brain evaporate, “Uh-uh”.

Her smile widened, like a cat.

“A shame you couldn’t even finish your first…” she lamented without an ounce of sadness behind it.

Daniel squinted the best he could without letting a tear fall. And, under her prying gaze, tried to swallow. He really tried, really. So it was embarrassing when he coughed and coughed and coughed and placed a hand on the table to support himself as he took the air in.

Eleonor of course laughed in triumph. But, to his surprise, she came to his side with a soothing hand on his back and a glass of water.

“There you go, champ”, she murmured with an amused expression as he drank it.

“I didn’t fool you, did I?” He tried his best puppy eyes to some last resort to mercy, placing the cup on the table and regaining his posture despite his hot mouth.

“No”, she sat back on her bench happy, happy, happy. “I’ve had spicier food in London, sadly”.

Daniel adjusted himself on his bench, regaining consciousness of the real world back, still a bit of burning eyes.

“Jokes on me I guess”, he admitted after another large gulp of water, “After all this time I should’ve remembered you know me well enough.”

She smiled at him, nicely, but there was something else to it. Something a bit hidden and a bit flourishing behind her gaze. Something that reminded Daniel of long conversations under the stars and longing for something she couldn't quite touch.

“What?” He asked, curious, because why not.

Instead of answering, Els whimpered and hid her fool-smiley face behind her hands, elbows over the table.

“What”, with a giggle, he leaned his head a bit trying to get a better look at her face.

“Ugh”, she groaned, hands pressed to her eyes before she perked up and ran her fingers through her hair. “I wish I could just…”

She sucked the air between her teeth, gestured grasping something with her hands as no words came out. Daniel found it funny.

“Two words?” He risked one eyebrow up.

“No!” She groaned in exasperation.

“That's not how mimicry works, you cannot talk”.

She made a done face at him, though he could read the secret fondness in the press of her lips and the way she looked at him.

“All right, what?” Under the table, he touched her ankle with his foot, nudging.

She let out a long and frustrated breath.

“I wish I could just… Ugh! Take my heart out of my chest! And hand it to you so you read all into it”.

Daniel blinked.

“Wow, that's a bit creepy.”

“I’m serious”

He knew the conversation would lead to that point sooner than later. Perhaps that's what exactly he was hoping for.

“All right”, he assumed a serious stance, forearms over the table after pushing the spicy chickens aside. “Try doing it without having to lose a vital organ”.

He simply looked at her and waited. Eleonor seemed to face an internal debate, but it didn't last long.

“Okay. There's something I've been thinking…” she started, a bit shy.

“I'm all ears. Non-judging”, he promised raising his right hand. “Scout word”.

It seemed to be enough to make her comfortable to say whatever it was out loud.

“I really wanna have sex with you”.

All right.

Cool. That's cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Totally cool. Daniel swallowed, hard. And nodded. Yes, he should nod again, just to make sure. So he did, a firm shake of his head.

Come on, Ricciardo, keep it cool.

“Okay.” He said, simply. Did his voice sound an octave lower? No, It couldn't. It better not.

“Right”, she accepted the cue, thank God, “Because. Well, you are… you”.

She gestured generally to his face and he totally took it as a compliment, glad the food park was empty enough for no one to be around to see how stupidly he must be looking.

“And I won't elaborate on it out loud, of course. But I have a little issue, as you know. Which are not little…”

“Oh”, Daniel's face must have fallen a bit but he concentrated on looking as neutral as possible.

She exhaled, looking tired, eyes looking sad. And Daniel knew what it meant, knew it was the point that the conversation became too sad or too complicated that it became unbearable and led them both to different ends of the bed and weird mornings with monosyllabic conversations.

But this time… come on. This time they had seen an old man naked and almost choked on wine. They laughed and ate burning food and he would look like a male stripper when he shaved. For some reason, that gave him the strength to say:

“Go on…”

She blinked in surprise.

“Listen”, he scooted a bit closer to her, as if to confide, “After all the stuff we've been through this year, this is not the most unspeakable topic”.

And maybe he crossed a dangerous line. But maybe not, because she twisted her lips for a thoughtful second before proceeding.

“Okay. Here's what happens, and I've talked to Dr. Laura about it”, she said. Lowly, Daniel attentively grabbed every single word, “I have this… internal fear of… getting pregnant again”.

This time, Daniel's jaw actually dropped. But he was quick on the recovery, trying to understand what it meant.

What did it mean?

“You think you're gonna get pregnant if we have sex?”, he said with a crease between his eyebrows.

“That's the thing”, she crossed her hands over the table, also scooting closer, “I don't think. My body does. It's an irrational response to trauma or something.”

“Oh… right” he tried to nod and get it.

Here's the thing. He was a comprehensive husband, in his point of view, but he would lie if he said that there weren't times that he thought the decline of their sexual life was due to her eventual lack of attractiveness to him.

So saying he was relieved was a big understatement. The truth was: that he thought he would be able to come in his pants if he praised him enough. He was a man with needs, alright?

“You're mad at me?” her worried tone took him out of the party in his brain

“What?” He laughed. Frowned at the absurdity of it. Reached to take her hand into his. “Of course not, hun. That's… that's something perfectly understandable”.

“Really?” Her expression was relieved too.

“Yeah. I kinda lured you into thinking I had fertilization powers, remember?”

“Oh, God”, she rolled her eyes playfully. “It’s not about it, necessarily. But… the future, you know? Like. I don’t know if I ever will want to get pregnant again. Not only for this but… when I was pregnant with Nate it was already hella hard and, I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“Wow…” Daniel couldn’t help but furrow his brows a bit at the crazy turn of events, “This is the kind of long-term conversation I didn’t plan on having after seeing a strange man’s package”.

It was all it took to send her dying of laugh again, forehead falling on the table.

“Stop laughing! I’m traumatized!”

“I can’t - I-” She tried to regain some air and settle herself, “our face was so- oh, Jesus”

When she looked back at him, it was with a different kind of ease and sympathy. Daniel said:

“Can we get back to our life-changing and slightly uncomfortable family decision conversation? It’s better than this”

“Okay”, she smiled with a degree of seriousness, “Go on.”

And, to be honest, he didn’t quite know what to say before he opened his mouth and the words just flowed.

“I just think… Maybe we will never have another kid. And honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. I think three is the perfect number, in all senses. There’s even a De La Soul song about it. From the Spider-Man movie.”

And honestly, he didn’t realize the truth behind it all before saying it out loud. Because when you are young and reckless, you think about your future with lots of exaggerations that won’t exactly happen. He dreamed of a world championship, retiring with Red Bull, having a lot of kids, and spending most of his weekends swimming naked in the pool of his house. So.

“Yeah”, Eleonor agreed, “But.”

She made a face of incomplete reasoning.

“It’s complicated”, Daniel finished her thoughts, thinking the same.

“It is”, she lamented, her fingers squeezing his a bit.

“Yeah, but we don’t have to settle this now”, he proposed “Like, we know, for sure, growing the family right now wouldn’t be a thing, right?”

“Right.”

“So”, he shrugged, not dismissively but okay-with-it-ly. “That’s all we need to know. And if someday we change our minds, we can… have dinner again and talk about it.”

Eleonor’s gaze turned soft and sweet again. This look, knowing he was responsible for it, was not something he included in his fantasies for the future, But, oh boy, it was so much better.

“Only if there’s wine and paint again”, she murmured.

“No!” he protested, trying to erase the image from his head. “Never, never in a million years!”

She smiled at his misery as she got up and offered him a hand.

“Let's go”, she called with a motion of her head.

“Where?”, Daniel asked as if he was not already blindly on his feet to follow her to the ends of the world.

“Get some real food for your children's palate”.

+ + +

They found a nice hamburger place not far down the park after walking for a few minutes. The night was nice, not too cold and not too hot. It was Wednesday, meaning there were just a few passersby once in a while. Otherwise, it was just them, the trees, and the smell of grilled bacon coming from the food truck.

After taking a chunk of trauma out of the way, they talked freely and unfiltered for what seemed hours and definitely not enough time.

“Would you love me if I was a worm?” he had asked, at a point it seemed perfectly fitting to the topic.

“What kind of question is that?” Eleonor had laughed at him, throwing her hand back before taking another bite of her double cheddar.

“But would you”, he insisted.

She rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I guess.” Then smiled with mischief, “I would put you in a nice garden on the roof to live there.”

“The rooftop?! Are you crazy, a bird would come to eat me!”

“No, no. It would be closer to the couch, you know? Where we had Nate’s birthday party, so it would be safe.”

The question and answer sessions lasted for a lifetime, as if they did have not enough conversations to know each other thoroughly. As if they were desperate for any new piece of each other.

“Would you have a puppy?” She asked at some other point, stealing a French fry from his combo.

“Uh, not sure”, he reflected a bit more “Why? Do you want one?”

“No, but Nate has been picking on me about it.”

“So you heard from that too?” He gaped, shocked.

They finished their burgers and went walking around the river. Daniel kicked one rock as a football ball and Eleonor liked to take one step on the stone track and the other on the grass side. Meanwhile, they talked and talked, and talked.

Because, apparently, even after living together for years there were still things about their joint life they hadn't had the opportunity to talk about. Daniel needed to find space for new gym equipment. Eleonor had received an email from Architecture Digest wanting to make a video of their LA House. Daniel thought they should try to spend the New Year in Sydney that year, a family trip to see the fireworks. And what about the fireworks of Heirisson Island, Eleonor asked, and Daniel laughed.

And the wind was blowing her hair in kind of a cinematic way, that made her brush a few strands out of her face to look at him. His steps faltered as he found himself oddly in slow motion, seeing how she came to a stop, eyes on his. It seemed just natural to take one step to end that distance between them. Then another. Then another.

He hesitated, sucking in his lower lip under his teeth. Under the moonlight, he could see all her features so well: the slight pink on the top of her cheeks, the tiny crease between her eyebrows, the way her glance flickered over his face, searching for something.

Daniel closed his eyes for a second, defeated, letting out a breath and setting himself in motion right after.

Eleonor sucked in a breath just when he placed one hand on each side of her face and gave her a peck. Just a chaste, careful touch of lips. Her hands ran to stop on his chest, fingers lightly threading the pocket of his shirt. And Daniel kissed her again, her mouth tasted like want and something spicy, which made him smile against her mouth.

She giggled silently.

“What”, she whispered, smiling back.

And the fact that they were smiling together, just one breath away from each other, foreheads against each other, brought him a sense of rooting very deep and concrete he had never felt before. He felt like himself. Just a man, with a lot of things to take care of, taking the time to kiss his wife by the lake. And she was smiling back.

Daniel could only give a poor shake of his head before putting their lips together another time. And it wasn’t enough. Melting their mouths together, leaning closer as her fingers lightly tugged his collar and Daniel responded by deepening the kiss, one hand up her head, fingers tracing her scalp maybe a bit roughly.

And the sound she made in response… Jesus, it sent Daniel’s brain into a quick short circuit, electricity. He wanted to hear it again. He wanted… to throw his cell phone in the river for ringing at that exact moment.

He mentally cursed the Lumineers as Eleonor groaned against his lips.

“Forget it” he mumbled, breathless.

He went to kiss her again and frustratedly only reached the corner of her mouth.

“See who it is”, she said, smiling at him. “At least”.

Daniel let out a frustrated breath, but he gained some comfort in how her hands remained at his chest. He reached out to his pocket and hesitated a bit upon seeing his sister’s name. She knew the deal, she wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.

“It’s Michelle”, he said with a pout.

“Oh, right”, Els tensed a bit and watched attentively as he answered the call.

“Hey, you”, he greeted her, ready for anything.

“Hi, Dan…”, she said more as a sign than as a greeting. He felt it in his heart instantly.

“Is everything all right?”.

On the other end of the call, she let out a breath.

“Listen, it’s not for you to worry”, which instantly got him tensed and worrying, “But Nate has been a bit with a running nose since they came back from the Zoo, and I swear he is okay, but he kinda has been crying for a few minutes now asking for you guys and I don’t think this part is okay so… We have been trying to distract him with all kinds of stuff but it hadn’t worked.”

“Oh”, Daniel’s heart squeezed in his chest, “Okay. Okay, we’ll be there in a few minutes”.

That made Eleonor’s eyes widen in a silent and worried question. With his free hand, Daniel tried to soothe her with a caress on her shoulder.

“All right”, Michelle sounded relieved. “Don’t worry, but… Hurry a bit, all right?”

+ + +

Nate ran to Eleonor as soon as they walked through the door. Daniel caught a glimpse of his red wet eyes and chubby face before he tucked himself in the inside of her arms.

Michelle greeted them both with an apologetic expression.

“It’s okay”, Els murmured to her with an assuring smile, still crouched on the ground to hug their son, “He gets clingy like this sometimes”.

“Yeah, see? Already stopped”, Daniel joked, also crouching to run one hand through Nate’s hair, checking for himself.

They didn’t stay much.

Once they were almost home and Daniel checked the backseat passengers through the rear mirror, he found Els frowning deeply at Nate.

“Everything good?” He asked, stopping as the front gate opened.

She shook her head.

“I think he’s a little bit hot”.

Once inside, she went upstairs to check his temperature and give him a bath while Daniel carefully concentrated his little cooking skills to prepare him a bottle and syrup. When he went to their room, they were already showered and in bed. Nate curled against Els inside, surrounded by a bunch of pillows and hugging his favorite fluffy airplane. Daniel sat by their side, handing her the bottle.

“Thank you”, she muttered silently to him with a soft smile.

He reached up to caress his son's cheek, catching his attention. Nate then, like the clingy bear that he was, turned to curl himself onto Daniel’s side instead. Wrapping one arm around him, he asked:

“Does he have a fever?”

Els was looking at them with a quiet expression, sitting up against the bed headboard.

“No, thank God. I think he just has the flu.”

‘Just having the Flu’ was an understatement. Last time Nate “just had the flu” they didn’t sleep for three days. Eleonor must have read Daniel’s mind because she soon added, with a reliable expression:

“He’ll probably be way better tomorrow, you’ll see”.

And maybe the last time was so bad because he was way younger. Now, he took the syrup without too much complaint and fell asleep before finishing the full bottle. In the meantime, Daniel had left to take a shower and get ready to bed. Eleonor told him to leave Nate there for the night, in between them.

Just to be sure.

Daniel smiled to himself at her failed attempt to act nonchalant. Nevertheless, he agreed without a beat, making them two mother hens, and turned out the lights. For a while, he thought they all had fallen asleep when Eleonor whispered:

“I’m sorry for this”.

“What?” Daniel turned to face her with a frown, careful not to make too much movement.

“You had to watch a man naked”, she explained as if it made her point, with a bit of humor behind it despite her quiet tone. “And we couldn’t go paint. You couldn’t finish your hot wings, and the night ended early.”

“Are you kidding?” Daniel almost laughed. In the dark, he propped himself up on one elbow to have a better look at her, “This is the best night I've had in months!”

She blinked, surprised. Then, slowly, her face relaxed into something peaceful and grateful. Happy.

“Me too”, she confessed.

+ + +

“This one is the formal one, from Mclaren”, Blake passed the iPad screen to show him another email with long texts and monochromatic graphics, “The best one, by far. Thanks to your loyal fans, I guess. They were mostly very comprehensive. 78%, I'd say”

On the living room table, Daniel had his chin over one hand, paying attention. But his brain wasn't exactly getting all the details. There was only one thing he needed to know:

“So is everything good?” There was hope in his voice, despite the scowl on his face as he braced himself for the worst too.

Blake considered for a second, adjusting his glasses over his nose, just as a trail of laughter came from the couch.

They both glanced back to where the kids were sprawled on the big sofa with Els. Well, from there he could see only her smiling side profile, despite knowing Nate was glued to her side, the top of his niece's head and his nephew's feet propped up against the back of the couch. On the big TV, Alvin and the Chipmunks were going round in a mixer.

“Well, yes”, Blake said, looking relieved and wary, “It's still better for you to watch your words and everything but most of the damage was controllable. So… happy summer break, I guess”.

That was supposed to be music to his ears, but there was still an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hated it, to be weird when he could be just happy. But, as always, Daniel smiled and forced himself to play along.

So he chatted and ate and drank with his family the whole day. In the evening, Mark and Michelle came to pick up the kids and stayed for dinner, setting up a card game. They took the luck to set the teams and it was the sibling versus the in-laws.

“Michelle”, Daniel said to her very seriously, “We cannot, under any circumstance, lose this thing.”

But, of course, they lost. Mark's calmness and poker face stopped Michelle from playing reasonably and Eleonor was simply too good. They even high-fived in the end.

“I'm gonna hear about this forever. But it's worth it”, Mark commented with Eleonor as they were taking the dishes to the kitchen.

She smiled in return just as she smiled most of that day. Because it was a good day.

Until the night grew and they were in bed ready to call it an end. Daniel had gone to bed first, and he was facing the beige ceiling, hands crossed over his chest trying to figure out his feelings. Eleonor came soon after, silently tucking herself under the sheets with a half yawn.

He expected her to say goodnight, but instead, she said:

“All right, we can talk now”, in a calm and even tone, as if that was all set up.

Daniel blinked and turned his head to the side to face her.

“Talk?”

“Yeah, about what has been bothering you today”, she had her head over her pillow peacefully.

Her tone was not up for debate, and Daniel liked that I came naturally in between them at that very moment. It warmed his heart, with the same feeling as when they talked snuggling in an airplane seat or drinking in a big window while watching a shiny city.

“Was it something Blake said?” She asked.

“Not exactly. It's just…” he looked back to the ceiling, putting each messy thought in an ordered line. “I feel bad for exposing Nate in that statement. Even with all the meaning and whatever. It still doesn't seem worth it.”

“Daniel…” she said, kinda a reprimand and kinda soothing.

And it was so easy. Pouring it all out.

“Not just that. The whole cochlear thing too. I'm-”, a half sigh and half huff, “I'm feeling terrible”.

On his side, Eleonor propped himself up on one elbow, looked at him very seriously, and gave him a hard slap on the shoulder.

“Ouch!” He recoiled himself indignant. “What was that for?”

“You don't do that, sir!” She pointed an accusing finger at him. “You are a wonderful father. Nate is obsessed with you and I am too. It's okay to feel bad for what happened, of course, but you're forbidden from thinking bad of yourself for that!”

Daniel's lips parted in shock. That was the most infuriating thing, the way she knew exactly what he needed to hear.

“Hm”, he swallowed, scooting a bit up on the pillows to look more behaved and have a better look at her, “Okay.”

Eleonor made a satisfied expression, then laid back on the bed. This time, scooting closer until he could wrap one arm around her body, bringing her into his warmth. The late-night hour and the soft darkness of sleep made him feel in a safe cocoon.

“Sorry”, she muttered against his chest, “But I’m serious”.

"I know, I know, I just..." he trailed off, hand running along her hair, unbothered. Her strands were soft and went until the middle of her back, where he let his hands slowly trail too. "You were so wise, you know that?".

Forehead against his chest, she let out a quick laugh.

"I was?"

Only later he would notice she found it shocking. Then, he just kept going.

"With the whole thing with Nate being deaf, you know? I was pissing in my pants, to be honest. But you were so…” he searched for the right words, memories clear as water from back in the day. “So serene like it wasn't anything to bother us. Like you already knew what to do.”

He remembered feeling equally jealous and terrified, so he told her that.

“And although I was hella jealous, not gonna lie, it calmed me, having you so strong. And now... Now I still don’t have a clue on what to do".

She slid away a bit to look at his face, just in time to see his throat working when he swallowed dry, looking down at her feeling terribly sorry.

"Oh, Danny..." she kissed his chest fondly, then hovered a hand over his shoulder, her thumb brushing his skin soothingly. "I didn't have a clue. It's funny to hear that, actually. I guess..."

She let out a frustrated noise, and Daniel didn’t let her go, still not wanting to get out of that so comfortable position. Mending scars and pouring out a broken heart full of hope.

"I was never this confident. I guess… it's just mom stuff you know?” He felt her shrugging a bit, the hand on the front of his shoulder gradually making his racing thoughts slow down. “If your kid is alive and in your arms, nothing seems to be too big of a deal."

“Shouldn't it be a dad stuff too?" He sounded ashamed, and he hated it.

He felt like a failure, and he hated it too. Daniel had failed so many things. But he couldn’t fail his family, above all things. Still, for some reason, that seemed a very comfortable moment to voice his worries, with her not dismissing his thoughts, but considering carefully. Not once backing off, which he felt immensely grateful for.

"Well. I think mothers tend to be this way. Not because it's better, but because... we want to protect them from the world. I mean, if I could hide Nate with us forever, not send him to school or work or do anything, just hug him tightly and make sure he was okay for the rest of his life, I would. And when it all happened... this was all I could think about. I could learn sign language, I could take care of him, so everything would be okay. But fathers...", she squeezed his shoulder lightly. Intimately. Fondly. "They know better than to be so naive. You knew better, Dan. You knew it didn't matter if we were perfect parents, he'd still need to face the reality at some point. While I wanted to shield him from the world, you always knew that was impossible. And you worried for him more than I did, sure, and thank god for that."

He let out a quiet laugh that surprised himself. He never imagined he could laugh about that, but there it was. It made him lean closer and press a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I'm thankful you could be rational when I couldn't.” Eleonor went on, with a thoughtful smile that made Daniel feel instantly at ease. “You're the best father for this, I have no doubt".

He was silent for a moment, his hand stopped at her back, and then he pulled himself back a little so he could have a better look at her. His eyes were full of wonder and fondness, and he didn’t know how, exactly, he came to that conclusion but it seemed obvious to say it at that exact moment.

"I love you so much, you know that?" He asked so genuinely curious, his hand moving to cup her cheek, to make sure she knew it. it was essential, to him, that she knew it.

His thumb brushed the side of her face with care when she smiled in return.

"I know, my love".

Daniel nodded in acceptance, satisfied. Then, very tenderly, he leaned in to kiss her. First, her forehead, again. Then, the tip of her nose. Then, her lips. It was soft and slow, with absolutely no rush. He took his sweet time, brushing his mouth over hers as if to emphasize his words. And she did kiss him back, her hands moving slightly up to hold his neck, while his hands were only sliding down – to her shoulders, caressing, then all the way down her spine, stopping on the small of her back, pulling her close, if that was possible.

That night, they ended up making love.

And it was different from having sex, very clearly. It wasn't full of lustful desperation and burning desire. Instead, it was slow, soft, and sweet, like every second mattered and they had all the time in the world.

First, the kissing intensified, and despite not increasing the pace it became more intense, with more tongue and more hands. When she broke apart to gasp for air, he moved to kiss her cheek, like a gentleman. Then her neck, not like a gentleman, then the curve of her shoulder, and down and down and down until he was covering all undressed skin available for his mouth. It was funny, because, after all this time, they already knew each other so well, blindly, automatically. And still, it was as if they were discovering it all again, with ease and familiarity.

She sat up for some moment to take her satin pajama off, and then her bra hidden under it. His eyes were glued to hers, which seemed to turn her on more than he’d expected. Soon, he kissed her on the lips again, quickly and intensely, before breaking apart to take his trousers off and toss them on the ground, and she did the same with her panties. Then they were kissing again. There was so much eye contact and no talking, it seemed like an ethereal moment of connection.

It was Daniel who stopped before things got truly into it. He kissed her neck once again, a kind warning, before getting off the bed, moving freely around the room, and going back a few seconds later with a condom in hand, opening it.

Once Daniel got back in the bed, now ready and back over her, he noticed her teary eyes full of wonder at him. He stopped, ready to stop it all if she wanted to.

"All right?", he asked with concern. His voice was oddly hoarse and deep with pleasure.

Suddenly, she threw her arms around his neck, embracing him tightly like she hadn’t done in a long, long time. Daniel buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the smell of the perfume she used since they met and home.

"Thank you", she managed to whisper with one hand brushing the curls at the nape of his neck. “Thank you for loving me”.

"Of course", he whispered while pulling back to look at her, already missing her eyes. "Always.”

Because it was easy and simple like that. He wondered when it had stopped being easy, only to realize, when their lips met again, that it might have become a little less easy, but it never stopped being simple. It never stopped.

It was intimate and personal, secret and open, as they both needed it to be – to love each other all night long.

Chapter Text

Nothing changes. And still, everything does.

They wake up with birds crippling and a fairy-tale-like sunrise. Soon, Eleonor had the realization it was vacation and there were a lot of things to do to have fun.

She pretended to act naturally in the morning, not noticing the fool smiles and dirty looks Daniel threw at her as they took breakfast early in the morning (because a little someone couldn't manage to sleep till later no matter the circumstances).

“The kids are coming again today, can you watch them?” She asked him when they were at the dining table having cereal and juice. “I need to go to the grocery store”.

He gave her a wiggle of his eyebrows over his coffee cup.

“Sure you do…” he smirked as if meant something completely different.

Idiot. Though she couldn't deny how she bit her lip and glanced away to prevent herself from blushing. But life went on. She went to the shop, came back, and was storing the things in the kitchen when the little group passed by her, coming from the backyard and heading to the front door.

“Hooray!” Daniel called, waving, as he passed through with Nate in his hand, Isabelle and Isaac trailing behind, jumping in excitement. “Don't expect us awake!”

“Where are you going?” Eleonor shouted before they closed the door.

“Have fun! And destroy the city!”

The kids celebrated. Eleonor hid a smile and shook her head by the counter. Two minutes later, her phone rang with a message.

DAN: Going to the bicicross field. The kids were almost biting my head off.

ELEONOR: All right. Take care.

DAN: ;)

The next minute, the car engine sounded outside. And they only came back more than an hour later, all dirty with mud and dirt, big grins on their faces lit up with fun.

“How was it?” She asked, closing her book on the dining table.

“Super dope!” Isaac smiled.

“We rode with helmets! And I did turns on the hill!”, Isabelle completed.

Nate ran to stop in front of her, a mischievous smile on his face and a mess of curls on his head, his cheeks dark orange with dirt but looking the happiest ever. He looked up at her with mischief in his eyes and signed, as a greeting:

"Cash money b-i-t-c-h-e-s!"

Eleonor gasped. She felt stupid for laughing. Jesus, Nate seemed so proud. She looked up to see both Daniel and Isaac laughing their asses off by the kitchen door.

"Nathaniel", she pressed her lips trying to be responsible and reprehensive, "you can’t say that, that's a bad word".

He didn't even flinch.

"Cash? Money? Or b-i-t-c-h-e-s?"

"Okay, enough." She stood up and started talking to the other goofy two, "You three better stop it. This is not funny.”

"Why are you laughing, then?" Isaac prompted. Daniel was almost peeing in his pants.

"Daniel." she protested, begging for help.

"Okay", he signed for Isaac and Nate, "You two, go to the yard and turn on the hose. I'll distract her".

They didn’t need to be told twice, sprinting out of the kitchen jumping and laughing, and taking Isabelle with them. Eleonor stayed with her hands on her waist, exasperated. One week in Australia, Nate was fully transformed into Daniel's miniature.

That said man was walking towards her with wiggling eyebrows and a goofy smile on his face. Stupid. Beautifully stupid.

“This is wrong.” She complained, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against the kitchen counter with some degree of seriousness.

“It's funny”, he shot back, stepping closer.

“And wrong.”

“He'll grow and forget”, he dismissed the issue with a confident shrug.

He was in front of her now, a smug, provocative smile, with his hands hovering on the sides of her body.

“We should be more mature.”

“Hm-Hmm”, he was looking at her lips now.

She felt what would happen moments before it happened, being able to raise a counterargument with a hand on his chest to prevent him from getting her all dirt too.

“You're sweating and panting.”

“That's what she said.”

She couldn't hold it anymore, breaking into a genuine laugh. Daniel joined the moment to give her a tentative kiss on the cheek. It was so sweet she couldn't resist capturing his mouth with her own. She raised her hands to avoid touching his sweaty skin but deepened the kiss as much as she could, letting him hold her by her waist.

“Idiot.” She murmured against his warm lips.

“Hm”, he gave her a peck, “Your idiot.”

And another peck.

“Hm”, she pretended not to like it.

“Poor you”, another one, “Not even enjoying it.” And another one. “Aren't you?”

“Oh, my eyes! My eyes!”

They broke apart with the sudden intrusion. Michelle was theatrically covering her face with a little Sofia the First backpack.

“Shut up!” Daniel threw a dishcloth at her while Eleonor respectfully got away from him.

“Ouch!” Michelle dodged, “If you two are here I hope the kids are not burning the house.”

“Oh, shit”, Daniel gave Eleonor a quick kiss on the cheek before sprinting to the yard.

She went to help Michelle with the kids' bags and her sister-in-law was eyeing her sideways with a smug smile.

“What?” Eleonor smiled nervously.

“Nothing.” Michelle shrugged innocently. Though she didn't wipe that smile out of her face during lunch.

+ + +

“Scotty is inviting us to go to Floreat Beach”, Daniel announced to no one in special as they were eating popsicles on the backyard porch as their dessert.

Somehow, Scotty inviting Daniel turned into the James’ inviting the Ricciardo’s. And it was sunny and hot and the kids had too much energy so, why not? That led to a half-hour discussion of logistics on how to fit seventeen people in four road cars to do a thirty-minute road trip.

Mysteriously lucky, Eleonor ended up in Daniel’s off-road Polaris passenger seat, using the rear mirror to pass sunscreen on her face while everyone sorted themselves out into their designated vehicles.

Daniel entered the driver's side, closed the door, and turned the car on.

“Wait”, she turned to him wide-eyed, “Where’s Nate?”

“Oh my God, where is Nate?” He faked an exaggerated theatrical shock.

“Daniel.”

Nate wanted to come back and pick his hearing aids because, guess what, he wanted to show them to his grandparents (which Eleonor totally agreed on super normally and not at all weirdly emotional). Funnily enough, it wasn’t the first time Daniel left with Nate and came back without him, so Eleonor knew what to expect beyond her wariness.

“He went with Dad and Scotty. And Lance. And Isaac… or was it Mark? I’m not sure, they were still debating”, putting the first gear on, he winked at her, “So I can have you all to myself, honey pie.”

Eleonor stared at him agape, unbelieving, as he set the car in motion to pull the line of others. That was the second time they got in a car alone in that week, after months without doing it, so to say it gave her stomach butterflies was an understatement.

The Polaris had no windows and no roof. It was like riding shotgun on the beach coast, letting the wind run between them and view pass outside at a hundred kilometers per hour. At some point, Daniel turned on the car radio, where Sal-n-Peppa’s Whatta Man was on. Daniel glanced at her, eyes behind dark sunglasses and shadowed by a McLaren cap, to announce with a grin:

“Hey, that’s my song!”

“That’s not yo-”.

“Um, you're packed and you're stacked, especially in the back. Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that… Thanks, Mom!”, he grinned at her, pausing and waiting. “Come on, you know it”.

He nudged her tight with his finger, which, combined with the lyrics of the song, made her cheeks feel hot. Come on, Eleonor, you’re stronger than that.

“Come on, Els”, he pressed with a wiggle of his eyebrows, took his cap off, and placed it over her wind-blew hair. “Eleonor. Elsie… Little Elsie Beth”.

“What”, she scowled at the names she’d never heard before.

“Sing it!” Without taking his eyes off the road, his hand came to tickle her belly.

She stopped the movement by holding his hand with hers, frightened and yielding to the threat.

“Ah! Okay! Uh… Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mr. Lover Like Prince said you're a sexy mother fucker.”

“Ha! That’s what I’m talking about!” That seemed to be the last straw to put him in total relaxation, leaning back on the seat, one hand on the wheel and the other lowering to rest on her leg, just above her knee.

“Come and give me some of that yum-yum”, Eleonor laughed, adjusting the cap on her head and trying to follow the quick lyrics, “Chocolate chip, honey dip, can I get a scoop?”

She turned to point at Daniel, making a real question.

“Baby, take a ride in my coupe”, he answered with a wide grin, “You make me wanna, Don't you know I wanna shoop, baby?”

They danced to the chorus together, moving their head and shoulders to the “Shoop, shoop ba-doop, Shoop ba-doop, Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop”. As far as the wind let the sound up, making them laugh at the provoking innuendo and the time pass too fast.

“You know what?” Daniel said when the music ended, “We should stop to get some candies”.

Eleonor’s first instinct was to say no, but.

“Yeah, sure”, she agreed, a bit breathless from the scream-singing, and added quickly: “But don’t tell everyone or the kids will get crazy”.

“Genius…” he muttered while picking up the walkie-talkie with a partner-in-crime expression as he turned it on, “Roger that! Eagle one here, heading to a quick bathroom stop”.

“Daniel, you should’ve gone to the bathroom at home like everyone”, came Scotty’s voice five seconds later, “Roger that.”

Daniel glanced at her with his ‘I got this’ face. Then he answered:

“Roger Wilco”.

“R. O. G. E. R.” Scotty spelled.

Chloe’s laugh sounded from afar at the same time Eleonor shook her head with amusement and Lance grabbed the walk-in-talkie from Scotty to say:

“Stop that, you two don’t even know what that means.”

And that was the cue for Eleonor to interfere as well and say:

“You guys keep going, we won’t take long”.

They stopped at the next gas station, a place in the middle of the road with a little convenience store. Eleanor quickly stepped out of the bright red vehicle, and in one second Daniel was trailing behind, hands on her waist as he looked over her shoulder to the store.

She tried to pretend the position didn’t affect her as much as it did, biting her lower lip and walking at what she hoped was a regular speed through the small corridors.

“What will we get, what will we get…” Daniel half-muttered half-sang behind her.

There was a wide variety of Australian sweets on the shelves, from sour to the most sugary, all at extremely higher prices than she saw earlier in the grocery shop downtown. But it was still a lot cheaper than any place in Monaco so…

“Aw, Dan, I want these”, she cooed in delight upon finding and grabbing the watermelon-savored Sour Patch.

“Okay”, he stood by her side to look more attentively at the options, “I want…”

He was still undecided and thoughtful when a high-pitched voice startled them both.

“Oh my goodness! Daniel Ricciardo! What!” It was a young woman who had just entered the store, wide-eyed and grinning as if Daniel was an angel in human form.

Eleonor put a hand over her heart to overcome the little jumpscare while Daniel assumed his polite stance, hands crossed behind his back accompanied by a sweet smile.

“Hello, you!” He kindly greeted the lady.

“Geez, I'm literally your biggest fan! I can’t believe you’re actually real”, she had an unbelieving grin on her face and eyes shining with surprise while slowly approaching them, “Can I get a picture? If I’m not intruding. Please.”

“Of course, darling”, Daniel motioned with a hand as she came closer with a phone already in hand. Eleonor could read the relaxation in his stance. “It’s an absolute honor to meet you”.

She giggled and went to take a selfie, to which Eleonor politely intervened with a smile.

“Hey. I can take it for you if you want.’

The lady’s face froze in shock, seeming to notice her there only then.

“Oh my God…” she breathed in, more to herself than to them, looking Eleonor from up and down. “You’re here… like, actually here.”

Eleonor had no idea what it meant.
“Hm… yes.”

“Wow…” On Daniel’s side, the woman looked back and forth between them with a mixture of wonder and profound shock, before swallowing and saying, as if it was a delicate secret: “I’m happy for you two. Truly.”

Oh, Eleonor thought with a hit of a fresh realization. Was it about that stupid rumor of them having divorced? All because she hadn’t attended any races that year?

Pushing it all aside, she just smiled, without saying anything, and took the hand-out phone to take the picture. Daniel glanced attentively at her before smiling at the camera.

“There it is…”, she muttered, handing the phone back.

“Thank you so much!” Then she turned to Daniel, “It was very nice to meet you. I have my fingers crossed for Monza, uh? Big hopes, always, right?”

She raised two literally crossed fingers to make a point, full of excitement and big dreams.

“Yep”, Daniel nodded with his PR smile, the one Eleonor had to silently read into. “Totally. Very nice to meet you too.”

Eleonor also waved goodbye to her. And they ended up leaving with no candy.

+ + +

Half of the group jumped into the vivid light blue water right away.

Nate was in a phase of following Isaac to whatever adventure his cousin was up to, so they both went after Mark to use plastic buckets to pick water to use in their sandcastle constructions. Isabelle, on the other hand, was thrilled to find a girlfriend to play with in Sean’s daughter (even if she was just as old as Nate), and the two of them were supervised by Sean and his wife on the shallow end of the sea.

Michelle accompanied her parents further deep in the waters, while Daniel, Scotty, and Chloe went to swim even deeper bantering on Blake and Stella (who apparently were serious, which gave Eleonor a happy smile).

That led to Eleonor, in her Brazilian spirit, looking over everyone’s stuff under the cool shadow of one of the big umbrellas on the sand, and Lance, lay next to her deeply and silently entertained by something on his phone.

It was good, seeing so much fun under the sun. If it wasn’t for their lively group, the beach would be almost empty. The waves were few and the laughter was a lot. Eleonor kept an eye on Nate, laughing and running along with his cousin and uncle, and enjoyed the company of her fellow silent companion.

But it didn’t take long before Chloe came to try to talk him out of it, hair wet and face red from the swimming, water droplets raining from her skin as she approached him as a furious mother to a tantrum child.

“Come on, Lance, get out of this thing. Enjoy the sun, eat sand, take a nap!” She groaned, while her brother didn’t even seem to listen to her, eyes glued to the screen. She turned to Eleonor indignant. “Can you believe this?”

Eleonor got caught up staring at their interaction, surprised before being confused and divided between agreeing or questioning it. She went with the second.

“What happened?”

“He’s obsessed with this silly season stuff”, Chloe didn’t bother pretending secrecy, sitting on Eleonor’s side on the sand, “As if any of this trash news is actually true…”

There was some resentment behind her tone, which Eleonor took as familiar worry for someone you care about. She didn’t mean to intrude, but couldn’t help to try to mediate the siblings a bit.

“How is it going on the paddock, Lance?” She asked, genuinely curious. “All things good?”

“No”, he made a dissatisfied face, answering without looking at her, scrolling down on the screen. “These vultures are trying to find out who’s replacing Seb. Pricks.”

Right. Because Sebastian was retiring, Eleonor remembered with a hint of nostalgia, fondness, and melancholy. How the time flew.

“Oh, that’s sad actually”, she thought out loud, “He’s gonna leave a hell of a hole, for sure”.

“Yeah”, that made him drop his phone on the sand and look over to the sea in dejection. “And the worst part is that everyone is prying, calling him old, and pushing this stupid agenda of rookies. There’s even this guy, Piastri, who just denied a seat on Alpine and the rumors are flying as if anything is possible for them. It sucks.”

Eleonor didn’t get his interpretation of the situation, exactly (she hadn’t been checking the news enough for the details), but she got the frustration over the silly season in general, having faced it herself more than a few times.

“Well, if I know Seb, he’d actually be happy for new drivers on the grid, right?” She nudged, neutral and calmly.

“Yeah, but. Right, but it’s not… It’s more complicated than that.” He tried to counterargument with no actual arguments.

“And he’s a great summer break enthusiast, so all these rumors wouldn’t bother him. He would be… swimming on this wonderful beach and buying popsicles for his sister and her friend on that little bungalow there”, she finished with a smug smile.

Lance huffed a quiet laugh, defeated and defiant, looking between them and the direction Eleonor pointed to.

“Stop talking about him as if he’d gone to heaven”, he advised.

“Well”, Eleonor shrugged, “He went to Switzerland, so, basically the same”.

On her side, Chloe giggled.

“True”.

Lance eyed her from afar, discreetly. Thought for a moment and stood up, shaking a bit of sand from his shorts with a scowl, from the sun or perhaps from the unfinished business.

“All right, but I’ll choose the flavors.”

With that, he went walking towards the popsicle car not too far. And he left his cell phone on the ground.

Chloe gaped at Eleonor.

“How did you do that?” She looked at her as if she just turned water into wine.

“Just some motherhood tricks”, she shrugged, amused by her friend’s shock, “And living-with-Daniel tricks too”.

Chloe laughed. And, speaking of the devil, Daniel was jogging in their direction. Bare chest, hair-soaked, tanned lines highlighted by the mixture of water and sunlight, the tattoos on his skin all on display as he came closer. But the thing that caught her attention the most was the giant surfboard under his arm.

“Where did you get that?” Eleonor asked just as he stopped in front of her, having to bend her neck back to look up at his tall standing figure.

“I borrowed it from the guys over there”, he dismissively answered while running a hand over his face to get rid of some of the water.

“And they just let you? A stranger?”, she deadpanned.

Daniel opened a big, charming, and proud grin that could outshine the Sun itself.

“I'm a very nice guy.”

“And a stranger”, she still wasn’t convinced.

“And…” He stretched the word with thriller, “a worldwide famous Formula 1 driver.”

Eleonor's jaw dropped. At her side, Chloe busted out laughing.

“No, you didn't…” she mused.

“Yes, my friend, I did”, he stuffed his chest in pride, then turned to Eleonor again, “Come on.”

He wiggled his reached-out hand in her direction, expecting her to take it and follow him to the unexpected. Eleonor made a wary face and took it.

As soon as her fingers touched his palm, Daniel’s smile double-sized and he pulled her up in a swift, strong, and excited motion. She didn't even have time to blink before he pulled her behind him and ran towards the water at an abnormal speed, despite carrying the surfboard. The water splashed to all sides when their feet stepped on it and Daniel didn't let her have time to second guess the decision, and in a blink of an eye, the water was already at her waist.

“Oh, God”, she murmured with a shiver running down her spine at the sudden temperature change.

“Let’s go, this will be fun”, Daniel placed the surfboard on the liquid surface between them, his long fingers sprawled against the yellow wood.

“Yes, I'm sure you think that”, she tried to dive a little to get used to the cool water, her arms still dry.

“You owe me that”, he pointed a finger at her, “For Hawaii.”

Eleonor frowned, brows knit together, as it took her a second to pick up. The memory hit her in a flash, of him almost crying as she convinced him to fly on a hang gliding from the top of a Honolulu mountain.

“What”, she let out a laugh, spatting his finger away, “You'll never let that go, will you?”

“No, ma'am”, he stated firmly. And she would've taken it seriously if wasn't for his fake Texan accent, “Now hop on, we goin' for a mad ride.”

She made a negative sign with her head but moved to sit on the board nonetheless.

“Texan Dan and his guts…” She murmured to herself, under her breath.

Of course, he heard it and controverted by tickling her side out of nowhere, making her laugh and try to get away, only to fall back on the water. When she emerged back, was to throw a large amount of water straight onto his face.

“All right, all right, I surrender”, he raised a hand to protect his eyes.

“Do you have any idea on how to do this?” She questioned, brushing the excess water from her hair and trying to sit on the surfboard once again.

“Well”, he had his hands in front of and at her back to prevent her from drifting away, “It can’t be too different from jetskiing…”

That wasn’t a yes, she realized with a rush of adrenaline and regret.

“Okay”, she started, “I’m not sure if I still-”

“Three, two, on, go!” He hurriedly spoke before she could finish.

Of course, she fell deep into the waves three seconds later. Of course, the surfboard started drifting away with the waves and Daniel had to run/swim after it. Of course, she laughed about it and he tried to convince her to try it again.

“Why don’t you go on it, big boy? If it’s so easy”, she challenged.

Daniel was about to deny it, she saw, but he squinted at her and went back.

“You know what? I will!”, he declared with a confident expression.

Same thing. Perhaps Eleonor had lasted even longer before falling than him, which made it infinitely funnier. But Daniel didn’t give up so easily.

“This is absurd. I am the epitome of human high performance, I’m good in every sport…”

“Of course, honey.”

“Maybe my surfing talent went to Nate.” He considered with a thoughtful furrow of his brows. “Wait here, I’ll get him.”

He went swimming back to the shore before Eleonor could even say anything. She may or may not take the cue to move a little more close to shore too, just to be sure. A minute later the two of them arrived, Nate on Daniel’s back with an excited smile, happily sitting on the surfboard and following his parents in a slow walk.

In the end, it was just a silly excuse to get the three of them together in the middle of the ocean, carefree and happy, like they hadn’t been in a long time.

Nate turned to Eleonor with a sneaky smile, the one he made when he thought of something funny.

“What is it?” Eleonor asked him, smiling instantly wondering what could it be.

“When I’m big…” he made a suspense look as if it was a secret, “I am a shark babysitter.”

She laughed, amused and genuine and soulful.

“Really? You’ll be a shark babysitter?”

He nodded, proud of himself.

“That’s the coolest job ever”, she hyped him, “You’ll let us come to visit your sharks?”

He considered for a moment, then shook his head with a sorry expression.

“No. Not safe”.

She laughed even more, reaching to tickle him.

“And you’re so brave, young man. Can you believe this, Dan?” She turned to look over Nate’s shoulder, where her husband was watching the dialogue.

She expected to find him smiling at their son’s first job aspiration ever, or at least be a bit entertained by the creativity of it. But no. Instead, she found Daniel frozen. His mouth was agape and his eyes were a bit emotional. He seemed… in shock?

“Dan?” She called out loud, concerned.

He blinked, shook his head, and smiled tightly at their son.

“That’s really the best job, buddy”, he agreed with a delayed smile.
Eleonor made a mental note to ask him later.

“And then, I’ll make a park with all the animals from the ocean”, Nate elaborated, very seriously, “And they will save the other animals, like Paw Patrol!”

Eleonor smiled at how amazing it was, to have a life where good days existed, where people she loved told her fun things and her heart swelled with fondness.

+ + +

Daniel was quiet on the way home. This time, they were at the end of the cars’ line, driving slowly to the soft sound of some unknown blues and the blowing wind on the windowless car.

“Oh, I think I know this song…” she muttered upon recognizing some lyrics. Perhaps she had heard it on Suits. “I think it’s from Suits.”

Eleonor leaned confier on her seat. Despite being all dried up, she still used a forgotten jacket to warm herself a bit more.

“I know I normally complain about you forgetting clothes in the car, but this one came in handy”, she conceded with a thoughtful sigh, knowing he wouldn’t let that go. “So let’s not make a big deal of it, okay? But I promise I won’t-“

Her words died in her mouth, replaced by a confused silence, when Daniel suddenly turned the car to the side of the road, coming to an abrupt stop in the middle of nowhere.

“Why did you stop?” She asked, straightening up and looking at him.

Daniel was with his eyes glued on the road ahead, his hands gripping the wheel tight- No, his fingers were shaking. His hands were shaking as he took a very deep breath.

“Dan, are you all right?” She couldn’t convey the concern in her voice, the jacket sliding down on her lap as she raised a hand to touch his shoulder. To check.

Daniel nodded quickly and over repeatedly, swallowing hard and not glancing away from the road, from the nothing, actually. Eleonor felt a deep sense of worry, raising her hand on his neck and feeling his pulse beating abnormally fast.

“Yeah, I-”, he licked his lips, breathed in a large gulp of air through his mouth, “Just need some air…”

“What…”

But he was already sprinting, jumping out of the car, leaving the engine on and the driver's door open. Eleonor’s eyes widened in shock, but she soon was sprinting after him, after turning the car down and closing the door with a ‘what the fuck’ muttered under he breath.

Daniel’s long legs had taken him a bit too many steps away. He had his hands on his knees, and back bent forward, trying to suck air in, which immediately got Eleonor quickening her steps and stopping by his side with her heart on her throat.

“Daniel?”, a hand on his back. No response. “Daniel, what’s going on? You’re having a panic attack?”

She cursed herself mentally. You don’t ask someone who’s probably having a panic attack if they are having a panic attack. She tried again.

“Dan”, she kept her voice as even as she could, “I need you to tell me what’s wrong. Please?”

He straightened his back suddenly, his eyes were glassy with held-back tears and his voice cracked when he said:

“I… I can’t-”, his voice failed on a shuddered breath, “Breathe. I can’t. I-”

Uneasy and distressed, he raised his arms to the back of his neck, looking away and taking a step to nowhere. Eleonor rushed to stop in front of him, trying to catch his attention.

“Wait, you can, all right?”, swallowing the lump in her throat she tried to dig out from the back of her mind anything about what to do in a moment like that. “You are perfectly able to breathe, right?”

Daniel's face crumpled frustratingly, and she tried to pull his arms down, to make him a little more relaxed. That must be it, right?

“Just, let’s do it together, yeah? I’ll help you”, she nodded and tried a small, reassuring smile which seemed to have his attention.

“I can’t…”

“You do”, she nodded again, firm and calm, feeling his arms tremble under her touch, “You do. You are a totally capable person, you know how to do it, okay? As easy as… Uh, it’s easy”.

She put one hand on his chest, his heart beating rapid and strong, and took his hand and put it over her own heart as well, which she hoped was normal enough.

“Come on, do it with me, all right, love?” She pressed her fingers above his on her chest, “Like this”.

She took one of those meditation breathes, five seconds in, three holding, six out. Daniel barely managed two seconds in before gasping for air again. All right, she could work with it.

“You need to hold it, Dan”, she instructed softly, “Just two seconds. Two easy seconds”.

She tried again and, this time, concentrated on her mouth, he managed to mimic the movement.

“Perfect. One more time, let’s go.”

He did. But then she stupidly sighed in relief, which messed up the pattern and led to him panting again, his heart rate rising again, sinking his eyes shut and making her desperate.

Shit.

“Daniel, look at me, right?” She took a deep breath again, he opened his eyes with a hard swallow, “Come on, just one more. Three seconds this time?”

He managed to hold his breath and nod.

“Great…”

It took them a while. Eleonor tried to remain calm for three seconds, then four, then three again because four was too much. Again and again, until his hand relaxed over her heart while the sun was almost set. And his breath evened.

She maintained the rhythm, afraid that a disruption in the pattern would send him back to the start. But when a car passed running on the road, headlights flashing by them, she tried asking, voice low and barely more than a whisper:

“All good?”

Daniel blinked, seeming to consider, and looking at her. Actually looking at her, eyes full of frustrated tears and unwrapped emotion. He inhaled sharply and made a negative motion with his head, not trusting himself to verbalize the negative, his lips pressing into a thin line.

“You can tell me…” She brought her other hand to hold his as well, raising it so she could kiss the knuckles of his fingers. “I’m here”.

He rushed his hand back to cover his mouth, then up to rub his forehead, then dragged it along his hair slowly, messing it, as if he wasn’t even aware of the movement, denying it again with his head. She only could watch and wait, had never seen him look so devastated. And over what?

“Dan…”, she tried again, getting seriously worried, moving closer, trying to capture something, anything, a bare whisper he let out.

He let out a shattered breath, his face flushed, his lower lip trembling.

“What Nate said. On the beach.” That’s when a few tears fell down.

She frowned helplessly, her heart broken and no idea what was wrong.

“She- she’ll never have it.” His voice cracked painfully as more tears started to roll down, “She’ll never have this.”

What… Eleonor thought, mouth opening and closing right after at a confused loss of words. But, before she could ask, he elaborated in a hoarse, heartbreaking tone:

“Our little girl.”

It reached her like a punch in the gut.

This, Eleonor thought with an immense amount of guilt and devastation, this. However, before she dived too deep into her own emotions, Daniel started crying. No, not crying: sobbing. Shoulders slouched down and face contorted into emotion in a way painful to watch.

And without thinking twice, she threw her arms around his shoulders to pull him into a loving embrace. She had seen him crying before, of course, but never this way. Never he had shaken violently with sobs, grasped around her waist as if holding on for dear life, or buried his nose so deep in the crook of her neck.

It made Eleonor shocked and scared, but all she could do was hold him and whisper:

“I know…”, in the most comprehensive way she could voice, “I know.”

But she did not know, exactly. Because what happened was so sick and twisted that she could never talk to him about it, never brought herself to listen to what he had to say. Now she hated herself for it very much.

She tried to make soothing circles with her hand on Daniel’s back, tried to calmly urge him to breathe, afraid he’d have another panic attack. Tried not to think of the desolated tears soaking her blouse or how long it took for him to calm down a bit.

When he pulled back, eyes swollen and cheeks red, and rubbed the back of his hand over his eye, she thought it would be at least a bit better. But Daniel only stayed dead silent, eyes empty and movements slow. She feared that maybe he would faint.

“All right, come here, okay?” She urged, a bit desperately, to walk back to the car.

Daniel didn’t give any sign that he was listening to her, and Eleonor had to take a breath breath to prevent herself from crying. Instead, she took him by the arm and led the way. His feet were heavy and his movements disconnected, senseless.

“Dan, I think we should go to an emergency”, she said when they were somewhat shielded by the vehicle. Having grown up in one of the most dangerous cities of her country, Eleonor wasn’t eased by the fact of being alone in the middle of the road like this. “I’m worried.”

Slowly, like a ghost, Daniel leaned against the car and fell to sit on the ground, back against the dirty wheel, knees propped up against his chest, eyes to nowhere. Eleonor rubbed her hands over her face. Think, think, think.

Fuck. Her eyes were already pricking with tears of despair. That’s when it hit her: that’s probably how Daniel had felt for months with her.

It made her breathe with a bit of understanding. He was not fracking out, he was grieving. and grief is incomprehensible, senseless, and heavy. So she sat on the ground by his side.

“I’m sorry, Dan, I wish things were different”, she said in a delicate volume, careful and honest, “I wish we knew how to do this”.

Because there was no solution to those feelings, to this devastation. At least, it didn’t seem like it. But then, she remembered people who had gone through something similar, who seemed to know what to do.

“Although… Listen, I think there’s this strategy, coping mechanism, something like this. Kennedy taught me, once we were talking back in Monaco. You met her, in Imola in 2021.”

She glanced at him, expecting an acknowledgment, but received no answer. Eleonor swallowed and kept going, telling it as a story.

“She told me that back in 2014 when, you know, what happened with Jules”, she hesitated, swallowing in apprehension, “She started growing this flower garden in her house because of something she read on the internet. She wanted to make Charles feel better, I guess. And she said that, after a few weeks, when the flowers grew, it actually made her feel better. So I kind of resolved to try it.”

Daniel remained silent, like an empty shell, only curving more into himself.

“I went to the flower shop”, she said, “Bought a vase and a few seeds. Back in April, I guess. Yes, it was in April because I remember you were here for Melbourne and I… was not.”

She hadn’t thought in a while about how wild that year had been, how it went from endless days locked inside her room to her going around on beaches right now.

“Anyway. Long story short, it didn’t work. This growing plants thing is much harder than it seems, I tell you that. I got super angry, most of the time, because none of my stupid plants grew. But sometimes I got so sad I cried myself to sleep thinking about it. I don’t know, I guess externalizing this feeling may do some good. Even when nothing special happens.”

That was something Eleonor hadn’t realized until that moment, to be honest. Back at home, it just seemed a pathetic desperation for a remote chance of getting over something unforgettable.

“Funny story”, she opened a smile upon remembering, “Once, I got so angry I threw a dead seeding out of the veranda to the street, and it fell on DC’s head. Ha! You should try it, maybe that’s the secret…”

She hoped he had listened to her story. If he didn’t, she hoped he had at least been aware of her presence. That he was not alone.

With a heavy heart, she thought of all the times she was crumpled under the sheets, crying in the dark and refusing to get up and be a functional human being, and all along he was the one holding her up. Forcing her to get out of bed. Encouraging her to get back to work. Telling her all the silly details of life outside their apartment.

She wished, with all her soul, to be able to do half of it, at least.

She had never, ever, seen Daniel so quiet before and it made her scared to death. But, if he needed to break down, she could be brave for them both. And, if he needed to sit in silence on the mud of a dirt road, back against the car wheel as the sun left the sky and the crickets started singing… well, she could sit there too.

She just… just needed to reach and touch his fingers with her own. Just to be sure he was aware of her presence.

And it may have been a minute or an hour later, but, at some point, Daniel's hand slipped beneath hers and he intertwined their fingers over the dirt ground.

It took a long while for him to move, letting out a long exhale.

“I hate this…” he muttered.

And, oh, how she had missed his voice, letting out a relieved breath upon hearing it as breathing fresh air after being trapped down in deep waters.

“Because…” he kept going, tentative, slow, and low, “We have nothing to miss. Only a nonexistent future to long for.”

That Eleonor got, at least. She squeezed his hand lightly and scooted a bit closer to his body, starting to feel the cool breeze of the winter in the Australian nights.

“I know. It’s awful.”

And Daniel’s arm was touching hers, settling himself, when he sorrowfully professed:

“I regret we couldn’t name her…”

That graced Eleonor’s heart with a new kind of ache, the kind attached to a pain she hadn’t addressed yet. It was her time to stay silent, no solution in her mind. But then, she felt Daniel starting to curl into sadness again, as he let out a shuddered breath and she glanced to see his eyes full of tears again.

No, she thought desperately, there must be something to be done. Something new and unexpected that could, at least temporarily, mend his broken heart. Maybe…

“We could name her now”, she said hurriedly, without thinking too much about it.

It was the first time Daniel turned to look at her in a long time, eyes bloodshot and puffy, lashes wet, and brows knit together.

“What?” he asked in a hoarse voice, searching her face for the truth as if she were the detentor of all knowledge, “Really?”

She had no answer, but she made one up.

“Why not?”, with a shrug, “I don’t think there are rules for that, are they?”

He was silent again, turning to look at the empty and dark desert ahead of them, and she fell silent too, lost, lost, lost.

“I like shaggy.” He said out of the blue.

And it was so silly, so true and so… him, that it made her smile and giggle, squeezing his hand.

“Come on…” she urged, not sure for what.

“But I do…” he stressed, solemnly.

And, because he was so fragile, she took it seriously and was extra kind.

“Well. One, you tried that with Nate, and two, that would be just awful and mean.”

“Okay. How about Thunder?”

“No…” She looked at him with a sweet smile. Honestly, she could never imagine her life without Daniel’s crazy name suggestions.

“Ah”, he scowled, shaking his head, “You are like the police of fun.”

“Let’s do this”, she tried to concede, “We can have a dog and you can name him that. No, better: why don’t you go on the fowl run and name a chicken?”

“You remember that episode from How I Met Your Mother?” he asked, instead, “They named the baby Marvin WaitForIt!”

As if that was a parameter.

“Okay”, she reluctantly agreed, “Maybe an odd middle name. But not Thunder.”

“How about Indy?”

“Are you kidding?” she laughed, “It’s the same as naming a baby Formula. Or Endurance. Or Piston.”

Daniel scoffed as if that idea was absurd.

“I’d never do that, that weir… oh”, he seemed to finally understand her point, “I get what you’re saying.”

“Thank you!” She celebrated. After three years, finally.

He pressed his lips while thinking, then said, with a hesitant raw sincerity.

“I kind of… thought of Amelia.”

The vulnerability in his tone made her heartache and her smile turn smaller and more careful.

“You did?” Eleonor whispered in wonder.

That was small and real and new, an unexpected blessing.

“Yeah”, he nodded solemnly, “Right after we found out. I was going to Texas and, on the plane, Lando put Princess Diaries for us to watch and it gave me the idea. That’s how Lando found out, by the way”.

Hm. So that’s why he went to the small service they held at the cemetery back in February. Because Lando was the only other driver there besides Max, and she had questioned it mentally but never thought too much about it. It made her smile, to know Daniel had a good friend and that he had such a loving idea.

“That’s actually cool. A good name”.

His watery eyes widened a bit, surprised and melting.

“Do you really like it?”

“Yes”, was all she could whisper without letting her own tears fall down.

He gave her a weak smile, beautiful, coming to wrap one arm around her shoulders, to which she responded by hugging his chest with her both arms, tight and close, a welcome warmth to a breezy night.

“We would call her Mia”, she whispered soft and low, a precious secret.

Daniel was quiet for a long time, holding her, so much she thought he hadn’t heard it. But then he said:

“We totally would, honey”, with a soft kiss on the top of her head, “Our little Mia.”

Chapter Text

[BARCELONA – JANUARY 2022]

“All right, Daniel”, came Tom’s voice through his earphones as he crossed the finish line with his foot pressing the throttle, “Let’s get ready for a fast lap now”.

“What!” Daniel’s exasperated voice sounded muffled with the balaclava and the helmet, “That was my fast lap, mate!”

He resisted the urge to scoff, keeping the tires warm and doing the curve at the Penalty Lap Loop. Daniel had just done his best to take everything from the car, late-breaking and kissing track limits the best he knew, ending up sweating and throat dry.

“We’re checking”, his race engineer said. Despite having to rely solely on his muffled mechanical voice, Daniel knew how to read his tone: shocked and hesitant.

As he waited for Tom’s answer, all the thought of was: this car sucks. It’s a trash can with wheels and wouldn’t win a junior truck cup. The worst: it was bouncing like crazy, getting him feeling like when he took Nate to the trampoline. Only then his neck and back hurt like hell.

But he kept his mouth shut. It was winter, the first testing day, the season hadn’t started yet, and he was the all-time-smiling guy and everyone should be hopeful, not call defeat before the race even started.

“Perez’s behind in a fast lap. Stay out”, was the next thing Daniel heard.

He kept the car on the side of the fastest line and watched the dark blue vehicle pass running on his side. Despite being at over 150 km/h, Daniel’s body screamed for speed, a bolt of electricity on his spine begging him to push further, to risk more. To forget the brakes and pass flying past the checkered flag.

“Let’s call it a day, Daniel”, Tom said, just when Daniel was ready to do another lap, “Pause for lunch and meeting after”.

“Alrighty”, he frustratingly slowed down against all his nerves and headed to the pits, “You’re ordering tapas again, Tommy?”

“Very funny”, Tom muttered trying his best to forget his drunk episode from the last night.

And, despite the horrendous car Daniel was driving, he laughed.

+ + +

“Mate”, Lando approached him with wide eyes and face all marked from his helmet.

“Mate…”, Daniel agreed, race suit still hanging from his waist as he drank some water in front of their garage. Watching the movement.

“Right?!” Lando stressed, massaging an anxious hand on the side of his neck.

“I know…”, he nodded, recognizing the pain by far, his own muscles aching from the weird vibration.

The sun was shining and gracing them with that crazy anticipation atmosphere. The paddock was busy with only mechanics, drivers, and strategists. The closer they had to journalists now was a dozen guys from Netflix, and that was it. Pure racing. All joy. Except for…

“What was your lap time?” Daniel asked, curious, after adjusting his papaya cap over his messy and sweaty hair, “Was it good?”

Lando looked at him as if he had asked him to have broccoli for dessert, nostrils flared and eyelids dropped in annoyance.

“Are you serious? I wouldn’t go to Q2 here!”

Exasperated, Lando bit his lip and looked around the track where one Mercedes and one Williams were running now. In the garage next to them, Ferrari was painting their cars neon green. On the other side, Alpine’s team was trying a new set of tires.

Daniel’s selfish and competitive side was grateful to know he wasn’t the problem, but the more humane side of him got worried for the team. Taking a step closer to his teammate and talking lower, he inquired:

“Did you feel you were…” hesitant to say it out loud, he tried to do the movement with his hands, one being the track and the other being the car, jumping up and down, up and down, up and down.

Lando watched the movement with intrigued furrowed brows, then surveyed his face in confusion.

“What the hell is that, man?”

“The thing with the…” Daniel gave up on his impersonation and unconsciously signed the word ‘bouncing’.

Lando, with zero discretion skills, scrunched his nose.

“B what?”

“It’s the porpoising.”

They both turned surprised to see Seb approaching, already in normal team clothes and apparently integrated into the topic.

“Oh…” Daniel and Lando muttered in unison like kids hearing their parents explain why the sky is blue.

“Seems to be from the new regulations changes”, he approached them with his arms crossed over his chest, thoughtful expression shadowed by his green cap, “I think everyone is having trouble with it.”

They all watched as two grey cars passed flying by, perhaps trying to catch if they were having the same issue.

“Bollocks… that will mess things up”, Lando complained as he stole Daniel’s water bottle to take a sip.

“Maybe not”, Seb conceded with a mischievous smile Daniel knew very well, “Maybe it will even things and put everyone on the same level”.

“Like the good old days…” Daniel mused, dreamily imagining how that would be wonderful.

Lando shook his head with an amused smile.

“You two fossils. You’re seriously thinking it won’t be Lewis and Max making us all eat dirt again?”

“Ah, come on, little Norrizio”, Daniel jokingly punched his shoulder, friendly, “You’re not seriously betting against ourselves, are you?”

“I’m more interested in beating these red Italian guys right here”, unceremoniously, he pointed a thumb to the Ferrari garage glued to theirs, who won third place by less than 50 points last year, “Then, maybe, we can see”.

Concentrated on his stolen water, his eyes watched the paddock calmingly.

“Hm”, Daniel huffed to Seb, “Back in the day the rookies were a bit more ambitious”.

Seb threw him a smug smile, fond of the memory.

“Wouldn’t I know?”, he shook his head, entertained, “Not the same, right, Daniel?”

Daniel agreed with a nostalgic smile himself. Then, he blinked.

What were they talking about? They had a full season ahead of them and were far from retiring. That conversation should head elsewhere.

“I need to check some stuff with Tom”, he remembered, “Good luck, you two, with your trampoline cars”.

And, after exchanging farewells, he left to search for a solution on how to turn that old can into a race-winner car. However, halfway across the street to the pit wall, his phone rang in his pocket. He checked the screen to see a message from his wife.

ELS: please tell me you know where the Bluey plush is
ELS: please or I think Nate will kill me
ELS: send help when you can

She then completed the chat with a bunch of crying face emojis. Daniel huffed a laugh through his nose and waited before standing on the safe sidewalk and calling her. She picked up in less the two rings.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, really, but”, she said hurriedly and worryingly, “We don’t have any ideas left.”

“It’s okay, we’re on pause”, he said, joyful as he always got upon hearing her voice. On the other hand, however, he could hear his son crying in the background, “Have you tried the toys cabinet?”

“Yes”, she sounded pained and desperate, “And every corner of the toy room, too. And the living room. And the kitchen and the bathroom… Hang on”.

While she probably went to try to soothe Nate, Daniel tried to survey his mind for where that plush could be. On the other side of the grid, a Williams passed again, the smell of asfalt and burning tires deliciously filling the air.

“Oh, I know!” He remembered. “It’s on the deck! We were playing there last week”.

“No way…” she muttered, moving opening doors and… “Ah, thank God! It’s like a Christmas miracle!”

“You found it?” He smiled, pleased with himself.

“Yeah… it’s”, she hesitated with an ounce of disgust, “Dirty with pigeon poop”.

“Oh…”

“It’s okay, he’ll survive”.

Daniel barked a laugh, at the same time he saw Tom waving at him.

“All right, I gotta go”, he pulled himself away from the grid, “You can thank me later. I’ll accept a feet massage or maybe a strip spectacle”.

“I won’t thank a thing, you were the one who left it there!”, she scoffed.

“No”, he stressed, “it wasn’t me, it was Nate.”

On the other side of the line, she laughed.

“Right. Our toddler who just turned two, poor him”.

“Yes! You should totally get him grounded”, he said as reaching the pit wall.

“Aham”, she muttered, without an ounce of truth, “Go race your cars, and be careful to not forget them on the side of the pool”.

“Yes, ma’am”. He complied, unhappily.

“Love you, bye”, she greeted and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“Love you too”.

When he climbed up on the side of the engineer, Tom handed him a headphone with a smug smile.

“Happy wife, happy life”, Daniel said as a greeting, making his engineer laugh.

+ + +

It happened in the middle of the night.

Daniel was sleeping the sleep of the dead, comfy in his hotel bed when he woke up with a strong know on his door. His first instinct was to consider it a silly dream and go back to sleep, hugging his pillow and shutting his eyes. But the knock came again. And again. And again, with a:

“Daniel!”

That was…?

“Wake up, mate! Come on…”

Yep, that was Max. And he sounded impatient. Daniel blinked, tilting his head up and reaching for his phone: it was 3 in the morning. What the fuck.

“Daniel, come on”, he was definitely impatient.

Daniel had to make a tremendous effort to get out of bed, a loud yawn accompanying him on the wait to the door, and he opened it with a hand rubbing his wrinkled face.

“Mate.” He said as a greeting and a warning. Deep down he knew Max wouldn’t do this if it wasn't important, but his knackered body and tired brain made him doubt.

Max stared at him with one hand in fist still hung up in the air, dumbfounded and reactionless. It was as if all he planned to do was slam on his door until Daniel opened it and that was it.

Daniel’s nostril flared as he had one hand on the knob and his other arm on the door.

“You better have something to say”, He tried not to be too irritated.

Max’s hand fell on the side of his body and he pressed his lips in a thin and hesitant line. Only then did Daniel notice his messy clothes and puffed-up hair, like he had run there straight out of bed. His longtime friend grimaced, opening his mouth and shutting it, failing to say whatever it was. But he soon blinked and focused himself, Daniel could see the determination in his eyes as Max gently put one hand on the door.

“Daniel…” his voice was so careful that Daniel felt pity slap him on the face.

Panic settled on the pit of his stomach.

“What”, he demanded now. Begged.

“Something happened.” A swallow and a beat and then, “With Eleonor. She’s at the hospital”.

The first thing that came to Daniel’s mind was a flashback from over two years ago when he heard the same thing from a stranger’s French voice.

“What”, he seemed to know how to talk just that, his knuckles white around the door’s knob, “What do you mean, at the hospital?”

“I’m sorry…” Max closed his eyes for a little too long, pained. And Daniel could only watch in silent desperation as things turned infinitely worse, “She lost the baby”.

+ + +

Here’s what you must do if you need to go from Barcelona to Monaco.

First, you let your friend, that teammate who turned into a brother, guide you through your shock. He will say a lot of things you don’t quite pay attention to, too lost in the emptiness of your mind to respond or contribute to the conversation. It might seem rude but you won’t have the ability to do anything else.

Second, you follow this same friend to get a few of your belongings in that dark and silent hotel room and wait as he calls someone to drive you to the airport. Someone will happen to be his trainer, who he seems to trust to keep his mouth shut about it, who you know and must say hello and good night to. Be polite.

Third, you must not, under any circumstance, think the flight from Barcelona to Nice is infinite. It is not. It only lasts 1 hour and fifteen minutes. You know it because you checked it thirteen times during that time, switching between checking the plane course on the screen in front of your seat and looking out the window, knowing you’ll see only dark clouds and a black sky but still expecting something different. A miracle.

Fourth, you don’t question why you two wait for a car instead of taking the train. The train is faster, cheaper, and better than anything, according to Eleonor – and you always must listen to what Eleonor has to say. She is smart. And she is fine, of course. There is not a world in which she is not fine.

When you arrive in Monaco, it will still be dark. And, since it’s winter, it will be cold as hell (ironically) as you wait for the damn car, so much you will curse yourself for not bringing a coat and having to stand in the airport in your pajamas.

Last, but not least, you throw up on the side of the street before getting in the car. Not sure why, because you didn’t cry or scream or do anything slightly emotional. Throwing up is just dumb and pathetic and will have your friend and the driver looking at you with horrible concerned expressions. So you just jump in the backseat to avoid their glances.

Monaco won’t be the same, ever again. And the Princess Grace Hospital, the big beige building where you cried and smiled when your son was born, was the place you entered as if putting your heavy feet there for the first time.

In fact, everything seemed different. Kelly was there in a red-eyed and messy-haired version that Daniel had never witnessed before. The doctor talking to her, however, was their obstetrician, but with a terrible face that Daniel also had never seen which made her seem a totally different person.

He suddenly sucked the air in, something important occurring to him.

“Where 's Nate?”

Kelly looked at him with sorrowful eyes and said, in a cracky voice:

“He’s sleeping, Melissa is with him”.

Right. That, at least, made sense. Despite not believing her entirely, wanting to check with his own eyes, Daniel held onto that settling information to go through the day.

+ + +

Daniel soon found out there were a lot of things he would need to take care of. Like, a lot. He never had to deal with so many tasks at once.

It started with talking with Eleonor, hearing her wept and murmuring multiple ‘I’m sorry’s to his chest, in pain and devastation like never before. He thought that, only, would take a while. But he didn’t count on the ob coming to pull him aside to talk about the details.

The ‘details’, it turned out, were a lot of cruel information that he had no idea how some had the guts to say out loud. Like, what would they like to do with the baby? Because the fetus was big enough to be buried or cremated if they wished. If not, the hospital could take care of it. Of it, she used those words. Daniel only half-listened, elbow over the cold metallic table and the palm of his hand over his mouth.

“I’m really sorry Daniel”, she murmured when he could give no answer, “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling”.

He asked how it happened. She went on a bunch of medical terms. Then:

“There’s no… logical cause. Sometimes it just happens”.

It just happens. That seemed like a cruel joke of the universe on them. He had no answer for that.

“It’s all right”, she touched his shoulder reassuringly, “We can wait a bit”.

Later, he asked his parents to take care of it all. He had no idea who had called his parents and told them all of it, but he was infidelity grateful for it. He cried in his mother’s arms, like a ten-year-old boy who got suspended at school.

When they arrived, it had already been two days and the damage was already done. They were already been sent back home and Eleonor didn't eat, sleep, or talk for the entire time.

It was something else he needed to take care of. He worried about it, looking at his wife hollow-eyed, under a gray hoodie and a white blanket on the conch, knees pressed up to her chest and a full tea mug untouched between her hands.

Daniel went to the kitchen and leaned against the counter, to talk with Noemi.

“Do you think if you make those toast with tuna she’ll have a bit, at least?” He asked.

The woman considered for a moment. She was making dinner for his parents.

“I don’t know, but I’ll make it and we’ll try”, she reassured, never giving up.

“Thank you”.

“And maybe you can have some too?” She glanced at him sideways, firmly, “I know you also haven’t eaten too well, young man…”

Daniel crisped his lips and left the kitchen. And found another thing to care of: the number of people going in and out of his house lately. His sister and brother-in-law arrived soon too, but they didn’t have enough spare rooms.

“Don’t be silly, Dan, we booked a hotel down the street”, Michelle rolled her eyes, familiar and making Daniel feel better, “You don’t have to worry about us.”

But he did worry.

Kelly and Max also came in regularly, with warm soups and quiet condolences. Kelly used to stay with Eleonor a lot, and Max usually brought Penelope to play with Nate, watched them in the playroom, or took them to the park down the street, smiling, playing pretend, and acting as if nothing was wrong.

Daniel found it extremely odd that he hadn’t come back to the winter testing.

“This porpoise thing kept everyone extra busy”, he said, “I bet they hadn’t even noticed I was gone”.

Daniel didn’t have the energy enough to dismiss the lie.

His mother thought it would be nice to hold a memorial service in the city’s chappel, so they did it. It rained.

Thankfully, there weren’t too many people, and every one fitted inside, the service had to be prolonged until the rain passed, having them all trapped in that mournful bubble for an awfully long time.

Meanwhile, Daniel kept track of everyone who went talking to him. There was Max, of course. And Lando, for some reason. Blake and Michael, naturally. And… oh shit. He was listening to Mark when it hit him. Something he had forgotten to take care of.

“Fuck, sorry, mate, I need to…” He excused himself and took his way.

Not sure where, exactly, so he ended up on the outside, alone in the soft drizzling, frenetically touching the pockets of his stupid suit and searching for his phone. He searched for the contact, searching the number and muttering:

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

“Hello!” Came Fatima’s formal and neutral tone.

“Hi!” He exhaled a relieved breath, “Hi, it’s Daniel. Ricciardo.”

She huffed a small laugh, amused, unaware of the news.

“I know. I gave you my personal contact, remember?”

He remembered. It took him one year to accomplish that. Before, he had to call her office at the university and be put on hold by an American secretary.

“Yeah…” he muttered, thoughtful, “You’re going to work?”

She was teaching at Harvard now. When Daniel met her, she worked at Stanford. A year later, she won the Nobel prize and invited him and Eleonor to go to the ceremony in Stockholm. It was pretty cool.

“Yes, I’m working. Why?”

Daniel had one hand in his pocket, the heavy dark grey clouds in front of win.

“Els lost the baby.”

The other side of the line stayed silent for a moment.

“I think no one told you. I’m sorry. Els certainly didn’t, she is… not… well. And I didn’t call anyone either, someone did, I’m not sure who and I just forgot to—”

“What, Daniel, no…” she cooed, saddened and horrified, “No, I’m- Jesus, I’m sorry.”

She sounded genuine, but Daniel still wasn’t sure how to respond to it.

“I wish I remembered to call you sooner”, he said instead, feeling terrible, “There’s a service today”.

“Oh. My lord… that’s. I’m sorry, Daniel, I truly am”, she lamented, hesitated, and said, “I imagine Eleonor is not up to talk, right?”

He glanced back, where the small group was gathered, murmuring low. Eleonor was somewhere in the back, with his mother or his sister, eyes swollen and cheeks wet.

“No.” He muttered, preferring to face the heavy clouds and taking a few drops of rain, “But I think it would be nice if you called her. I think she’d like to talk to you”.

“All right. Of course. I’ll do it. Is the evening a good time?”

“Any time, really”, he assured.

“All right. I’ll call them”.

They didn’t have much to talk about. So she lamented a few more before he turned the call off, hanging on the hope of that mercy of help. And Fatima did call that night.

Eleonor’s phone had been left forgotten on the dining room table for maybe four days now, hanging on dear life with a 10% battery. He smiled at the name of the screen, picking it up and taking it to her.

“Honey”, he approached the armchair she was curled up on, maybe overexcited, “Look who’s calling.”

When she glanced at the screen, her eyes widened and she gasped, reaching a hand to touch his wrist.

“Oh my god… I forgot to call her”, she cried, as if that was the biggest mistake of her life.

“No, no, it’s okay”, he assured, crouching by her side, “I talked to her. She knows”.

“Oh”, she relaxed, hand recoiling and retreating back to the warmth of her seat, “Good”.

“Won’t you talk to her?” He asked, a bit disappointed and a bit frustrated.

She just shook her head in denial, bringing her knees up closer and ending the conversation. Daniel sighed silently, letting the call fall unresponded.

+ + +

The first person he talked to about going back to work was Els (out of pure habit since there wasn’t much talking those days). He took the opportunity one moment she was quietly in the playroom, watching some educational video with Nate, holding him on her lap and trying to teach him the names of the animals. Jungle animals, it seemed,

He stayed on the door frame for way too long, before gathering the courage to go there and make turns to bring up the subject.

“Sure”, she had shrugged, with dark bags under her eyes and a hand pressed on her cheek, “It will be good for you”.

Then the video passed to sea animals and she went back to the teaching. Daniel didn’t ask anything more.

“It’s too soon, sweetheart… You can think better about it”, his mother advised, worryingly as he packed for Bahrain. She had concerned eyes and a soft voice, while Daniel automatically stuck clothes in his bag, not needing much.

“Can’t you stay a bit more? You know grief takes time…”

He told his mother to go fuck herself and left without looking back, two days earlier than he actually had to.

+ + +

The first thing he noticed, when he came back, was that the porpoise problem hadn’t been solved. If anything, it had worsened. He would’ve thought it was just his mental state if it wasn't for everyone from every team talking about it all the time.

The second thing he noticed, though, was the looks people were giving him. The knowing and unknowing. He lost a stillborn kid, poor guy. He disappeared for days without reason, what a jerk. It only made Daniel more eager to get in the car, hide his scowl behind his helmet, and run, run, run. So fast the trees and all those stupid people became tracing lines on the horizon.

So he did.

He pushed the throttle, passed the breaking zone before hitting the brakes, made the tires burn and sing with the speed, took the fastest traces on the chicanes, and…

“Well done, Daniel”, Tom said, “One point eighteen. One point Eighteen. You can head for an out lap”.

Eighteen? Daniel slammed his hand on the wheel, hard, strong, and angry. That was a Q1 time.

“Fuck!” He screamed, making sure his mic was off before doing so.

Hours later, back in the garage, he stood on the side of the car, arms crossed and head low, eyes surveying the orange machine. On the outside, it didn’t differ much from the previous year, the car that granted him his first victory. On the inside, however… Everything was a mess.

He thought it was a sad anecdote. Just sad.

Chapter Text

It was called delayed grief, Dr. Laura kindly told them over the virtual meeting.

Sat on her office chair, Eleonor listened to the explanation attentively, of how the surprise of the news may send someone into an array of busy thoughts, leaving them so overwhelmed they just engage in one activity after another, letting their feelings hidden somewhere secure and untouched.

Daniel, on the chair on her side, only half-listened. He had only agreed to this because Eleonor and Grace kind of obliged him too. But he had his arms crossed, his lips crisped, not wanting to be there. He was angry, she could see.

“You knew it, don’t you?” He accused their therapist with a challenging squint of his eyes, “You knew it since the first time we saw you and never said I had it”.

Dr. Laura, patient and kind as she was, drew a soft smile at him. They could see she was in the clinic room, the place they had spent so much time in before the break.

“You don’t have it, Daniel. This is not something you possess, it’s a process. As we’ve talked, grief is unpredictable. You may be going through it now, but that’s all. There are no rules for it.”

He didn’t seem pleased with the answer. Eleonor took a deep breath and thought about how to smooth things out, how to contour the storm, and just then, as if sensing his cue, Nate ran from the mat where he was playing to her legs.

“Mamãe, I want to play with Samantha”.

“This is not a good time, Nate. It’s raining”, she smiled sadly at him, “And we are working”.

He pouted, unhappy, just when Dr. Laura smiled at the scene.

“Oh. I imagine this is the famous Nate, right?”

He was wearing his hearing aids, which got him looking at the screen with big curious eyes.

“Yes”, Eleonor smiled, catching him up to sit on her lap, “Say hi to Dr. Laura, buddy.”

Dr. Laura waved at him, Nate returned the gesture only for a half second, anxious, before turning to Eleonor again.

“Samantha, please!”

“I’ll be right back”, Eleonor murmured apologetically to Daniel and Dr. Laura, picking Nate up on her arm and taking him back to the mat.

He was supposed to be constructing a city with the building blocks, but apparently, he got bored and thought of Samantha upon building a miniature fowl run. What about the city hall and the police department, Eleonor tried to distract him, but unsuccessfully. As she promised to take him to see Samantha when the rain stopped, she heard Daniel muttering on the video call.

“It’s fucking messed up, that’s what it is”, he seemed to answer to something Eleonor hadn’t heard.

“You need to be kinder to yourself, you know that, right?” She advised, firmly, “I don’t remember you talking like this with Eleonor when she was going through hard times”.

That set him silent and Eleonor swallowed empty. She was embarrassed, trying to convince Nate to build a farm and thinking about how pathetic she had been the entire year. And a terrible wife, to say the least.

When the call ended, after a few more reassurances from their therapist, Eleonor didn’t know what to say.

Amid the sound of building blocks, Daniel's phone rang with a message. He looked at it, made a displeased face, and put it on the table.

“Mom is inviting us for lunch at the restaurant”, he murmured, diving onto the armchair by the side wall of the office, staring at the ceiling.

“Oh”, Eleonor said. She was very bad at this.

“You can go with Nate if you want. I’m not much in the mood”, he grabbed a pillow and hugged it tight against his chest.

Eleonor, still sitting on the office table, closed the notebook and tried to ignore the twist in her stomach. She may be very bad at this, but she wouldn’t let him mop alone, that was for sure. Not after everything he had done for her.

So, instead, she took Nate to spend the afternoon with his grandparents and went back home to keep an eye on her husband. To spend time with him and make sure he didn’t let himself be beaten up by his own emotions.

She made tea. He didn’t want it.

She ordered lunch. He wasn’t hungry.

She needed to answer a few e-mails. Whatever.

With a pout, she sat on the dining room wooden table, a place where she could look over her notebook and keep an eye on Daniel – who was lying on the couch silently. Eleonor tried to concentrate, she really did, but halfway through the second email, she concluded she was the worst company ever. Daniel deserved someone better.

So she got up, went to the couch, and sat on the arm of it, next to his feet. He glanced at her.

“Hey”, she smiled weakly and shyly, “Uh. I was thinking. Wouldn’t you like to call the guys to go hiking? It would be fun, I guess.”

He slightly arched a brow at her.

“In this weather?”

Right. Because it started raining cats and dogs. Right.

“Well… maybe you can call Blake to go check the vineyard? It’s been a while since you've been there. Or the karting, even.”

Daniel blinked and propped up on his elbows, getting a better look at her.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“What!” She squeaked, “No! What- absolutely not. I just- argh…”

She groaned, frustrated, and ran a hand over her face. She let out a breath, looking a him with her sorry expression. Daniel looked hurt, brows furrowed and eyes saddened, which meant she just made it worse.

“No, Dan. I just…” She slid down to the cushion, sitting beside his legs and putting a hand over his ankle. “I wish you had someone who could help you out…”

He sat up fully, looking at her as if she was crazy.

“What are you talking about?” He rubbed a lazy hand over his eye, surprisingly cute. “I want you.”

Her mouth fell agape. She sucked in a breath, surprised.

“Really?” She whispered, almost afraid of the confirmation.

Daniel smiled. His first smile in a while, which got her insides warm and her chest lighter, her thumb mindlessly running on his skin.

“Really, you silly”, he almost rolled his eyes. These three stupid words made her feel all proud and honored. Thankful.

“Okay”, she murmured back, as if it weren't the world for her.

“It's just… Well. It's-” he tried to explain, but the words died in his mouth with a frustrated huff, followed by a clench of his jaw.

No, she would not have him crying again. So, without much thinking, she moved closer, sitting right in front of him and saying:

“Oh, come here”, before opening her arms and not giving many choices but to let himself be held.

Daniel's arms enveloped her waist and he buried his nose in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply. Eleonor closed her eyes for a second, trying to emanate as much comfort as she could, her arms softly around his shoulders, warm and secure, as she ran a caressing hand on the side of his neck.

“I got you, okay?” She promised. “In joy and in pain, right?”

He held onto her tighter, if that was possible, and Eleonor let the warmth of their bodies melt together, in the silence broken only by the droplets of rain streaming on the window.

When Daniel pulled back, too soon for her taste, he had a thoughtful expression on his face – a little pout and a surveying glance towards her.

“What?” She asked.

He blinked, absent-minded, before shaking his head dismissively. With a worrying look, Eleonor could see the tension all over his shoulders. She reached a hand to the side of his neck, feeling the knots and the stiff muscles.

That was something she had dealt with a million times in the past – before and after races, when he did new training routines or exaggerated on testing sessions, or when he was just stressed, in general. So she focused on that.

“You should take a warm bath”, she suggested softly.

He dropped his shoulders, discouraged like a sad little child.

“I don’t want to…” He pouted, flashing those bright honey puppy eyes at her. If Eleonor didn’t have years of training, she might have fallen for it.

“Come on”, she detangled herself from him to get up from the couch, “You’ll feel better”.

“I don’t wanna feel better”, he scowled.

She had to resist the urge to laugh at Daniel when he got grumpy. It was so unusual and cute that, every time, she wanted to take a picture to keep and look at before going to sleep when he was away.

“Too bad, you will”, up and for work, she grabbed his arm and started to pull him out from the couch.

It was miserable, how she had no strength to actually pull him, but she tried really hard, to the point Daniel pitied her and gave in to the request.

“Yeah, that’s right”, she exhaled from the effort while he hid a silly smile, “Up the stairs, buddy”.

She had to keep pushing his back upstairs and blocking the doors to the rooms, but they managed it to the master bathroom.
As Eleonor prepared the tub with warm water, Daniel stood on the door frame, stubborn.

“Want me to put toys to make it fun for you?” She teased, over her shoulder.

A beat passed, and then:

“Something else would make it fun for me…” he didn’t make an effort to cover the double meaning.

“I’m not going in”, she scoffed.

“Ah, come on!” He whined, letting his pose fall, “It has been months! No, years!”

“Because is gross and something only young adults with no responsibility do-Oh!” She jumped upon noticing he had walked and stopped right behind her.

Right behind her.

“Please?” he sounded sincere.

Eleonor stood up and turned back to find him with hands clasped behind his back, face neutral and innocent.

“Please…” he arched a brow.

“No”, she nervously laughed.

“Please”, he sang, the corner of his lips curving up.

“Daniel”, she warned and tried to take a step back, only to meet the bathtub rim.

She only caught a glimpse of the mischief in his eyes, but he was quicker, grabbing her by the waist and raising her from the ground. She didn’t know how, exactly, she ended p in the water, clothes and everything, splashes everywhere.

When she gasped for air and opened her eyes, Daniel was in front of her, standing up in the water.

“Ha-ha”, she mocked, serious, “Very funny.”

“You’re right, it was funny”, he laughed, “You’re so predictable it’s funny”.

“All right, take it all off them, Mr. know-it-all”, she splashed a bit of water on his knees.

Although she wouldn’t admit it, the water was very nice, warm, and relaxing. The perfect fit for a cold and rainy day, so rare there in Perth. So, when Daniel, all naked and sitting in the water in front of her, arched a brow in her direction, Eleonor rolled her eyes and conceded the defeat, taking her own soaked clothes off and throwing them on the ground mindlessly.

“Perfect”, Daniel grins at her.

“I’m not having sex with you here”, she remarked, trying to pull her hair in a bun and dive deeper in the water, covering up to her neck. And, when Daniel opened his mouth to protest, she continued to argue “This was supposed to be a relaxing activity. So, please, relax”.

“Oh, I’m super relaxed”, he faked a serious expression, broad chest at display since he was sitting upright and not at all relaxed, “If you gave me a cocktail I’d even think we’re on the Maldives.”

Eleonor cocked her head to the side, thoughtful.

“I can see your shoulders tensed”, she announced. Not an accusation, just… a statement. There was no point in pretending to be fine when they were not, was there? Not after everything thing.

He seemed to get that from her look, exhaling and moving to rest his forearms on the tub rim, head going to rest above them. Under the water, their toes were touching just lightly.

“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?” He pondered. Eleonor just smiled and shook her head negatively. He clicked his tongue, defeated, “I can't believe we've been together for so long…”

Eleonor raised a brow.

“Are you calling me old?”

He scrunched his nose, a bit playfully.

“We're a bit old.”

“Ah, I don't wanna hear it”, she covered her ears, pretending to ignore it, while deep down she also had a messed up perception of time.

“Come on, it's a bit cool, actually”, he raised a hand to pull her arms down and then slid to hold her left hand. His thumb played a bit with her wedding band, rounding it. The golden metal was part of her body by now. “A lot cool, I mean”.

“Wow. I love you too”, she joked.

Daniel looked up at her with annoyed eyes. Her heart took an involuntary jump at the familiarity of it. How well she could read him, the hesitance behind his look, the nervousness on the movement of his hands, the need for comfort on how glued he was to her.

“I get it”, she conceded, because she did get it. “And you know what? I've been watching that organization's reality on Netflix, with Marie Kondo. We shouldn't keep our wedding album forgotten here. We should put on frames, back in the apartment”.

“Hm, I don't know”, Daniel thought, “Some of the pics are not exactly… chaste”.

She tried to bite down a smile and failed. He caught it and kept going.

“I mean. It was before you made me an honest man. We were living in sin. I don't think it's good for Nate to have such scandalous figures around and-”

“All right. I get it”, she interrupted with a giggle before he said something incriminating. “Fine, case closed.”

“No, hun, I'm joking”, he pulled her hand against his chest, holding it tenderly, then threw her an apologetic look. “Actually, I kinda forgot about them…”

Eleonor was now sitting upright, no longer hiding under the water, meaning it was impossible to hide the flash of emotion that passed in her eyes.

“It’s okay”, she muttered.

It wasn’t okay. But they were working on it, which made it okay. From a perspective. Like, they were taking a bath together, enjoying the silence and exchanging soft smiles over petty things. It was something.

It made Eleonor take a deep breath and settle herself in the moment, look at the beautiful face of the man that she loved, and just… pay attention.

“What?”, he caught her staring and asked with a smile.

“Your hair is huge”, he said, with a stupid laugh because that was the kind of detail that just struck you sometimes.

“Ah. Yep… It’s been a while since I last saw Josh.”

“Yes, look at this”, she agreed completely, reaching a wet hand up, running softly before pulling on a curl to see it cover his forehead and reach his eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time he let them grow that much. Perhaps in the Red Bull years.
“You think I should cut it?”

“What? No!” The question took her off guard, answering too loud and too gaudy. She cleared her throat and pulled her hand back. “I mean. At least, not in my opinion. You know I love it.”

She tried to act nonchalant, but the comment got Daniel’s lips curving up and brows raising anyway.

“Yeah, you’re a sucker for messy curls, aren’t you?” He pinched her leg under the warm water, cocky.

Too weak to lie, Eleonor tried to roll her eyes.

“You don’t have to hide it from me, come on”, his smile turned into a provoking grin, as he searched her face for any sign of acquiescence, “We can snog like teenagers and you pull my hair so passionately. It’s endearing.”

“Snog?”, she scoffed at the foreign term.

“Well, make out?” He tried, wiggling his brows at her, “Tonsil hockey? First base? Seven minutes in heaven?”

“Alright, stop”, she protested before it went too far and she ended up actually laughing at those absurdities. “You know, you could just accept the compliment with a thank you, like a normal person.”

“Yeah”, his smug expression turned into something sweeter and quieter, observant. “But then I wouldn’t have you blushing for me like this.”

He tilted his chin up slightly, just to generally indicate both cheeks. That, of course, made Eleonor blush even more deeply, and it was only to hide that she went to give him a kiss.

And what a loss to her credibility that they ended up having sex in the tub.

+++

That night, Daniel couldn’t sleep again. Despite his drowsy eyes and slow blinks, he was still wide awake. This time, Eleonor made herself a better company. She turned a night lamp on and sat against the bed’s headboard to prevent herself from sleeping and abandoning him. Then she pulled Daniel next to her side, one hand caressing his hair mindlessly and the other holding her unfinished The Secret History as an attempt to keep herself awake.

“You don’t have to do this…” he muttered, warm against her side, leaning into her touch.

“Shh. I’m trying to finish this one”, she didn’t make a big deal out of it.

Daniel huffed a quiet laugh and hummed happily. A few chapters later, somewhen around 1 am, perhaps due to the soothing effect of the story, Eleonor ended up drowsing off.

She woke up in a startle, mad at herself for falling so easily, but, as she was about to move, she noticed Daniel also fast asleep by her side. His arm was slung heavy around her waist, keeping her in place, his leg dropped over her ankle and his nose pressed against her ribcage, a soft snore breathing against her skin.

Eleonor froze, afraid any movement would awaken him.

She peered through the window to see the sun just starting to rise. Using her motherly hearing, she didn’t pick up any small steps around the house, so, with a careful relieved breath, she allowed herself to smile contently: her two boys were safe and tucked in warm beds. With a light heart, she wrapped an arm around her husband’s shoulder and fell asleep again within a beat.

+++

The weather got better again. Good enough for Michelle and Mark to invite them to a barbecue at their house. This time, Daniel wanted to go.

He was still a bit slow and reserved, silently in the corners, watching the kids by himself with a thoughtful expression and an untouched beer in hand. But it was family, and family got it.

Eleonor, as much as she could, went to check on him, with small talk and silly commentaries, to which he always smiled softly and assured her he was okay.

Soon she was engrossed in the cooking activities and, luckily, her poor skills in the kitchen didn’t affect her ability to light a fire.

“Wow! That’s what I’m talking about”, Michelle clapped happily, truly impressed.

“This is a unique talent, I have to say”, Grace complimented with a proud look.

“You two are too easy to impress”, Eleonor smiled to herself, secretly grateful for the way the Ricciardo’s made the littlest things so special.

“Your flame may be quicker, but it’s not the highest!”

The three of them turned back upon hearing Mark’s provoking. He was charged with the other grill, the one with sausages, a little down in the backyard. Michelle took one look at his (slightly) higher frame and gasped, having an epiphany.

“Oh my God! I’m on your team now”, excitedly, she nudged Eleonor’s shoulder with a maniacal laugh, “This is a dispute and I’m on your team! Oh, come on, let’s beat the shit out of them, partner! Oh no! No-“

When Daniel was approaching them with a trail of raw meat, she stopped him dramatically.

“I’ve got her! You go there with the losers!”

He squinted at her, confused, and took one look at his brother-in-law before shaking his head and not questioning further.

To be honest, Eleonor didn’t know much about barbecue making, but this whole girls vs boys thing gave her extra motivation. Of course, they all got way too involved in it. The rules? No one knew. But it was the game of their lives.

“We need to remember this day forever”, Eleonor smiled at her partners, picking up her phone to take a selfie with them.

They all snuggled together to fit in the frame, Grace with a grinning Isabelle in her arms, Michelle taking her turn supervising the grill and Eleonor smiling with sunglasses over her head. And, because the scene was too adorable, she called the guys.

“Hey, you! Smile for the pic!”

They posed instantly to it. Joe with a big fork in his hand, Isaac and Nate glued on each one of his legs, and Daniel and Mark smiling nearby.

Later, when the food was finally done, she sat by the stairs of the porch and decided to post it on her long-forgotten Instagram. Perhaps because of that Daniel fan on the gas station, looking so shocked to see them together. Maybe it was vain and petty, but she did it anyway. In the caption, she wrote: barbie wars!!! (The girls won).

After the upload, she took a quick look at her feed. The last post had been from Christmas. Funnily enough, they were there in Perth as well, but instead of beach tans and smiles in the backyard, they were wearing green and red matching holiday outfits. She was hiding her bump under a Christmas sweater and Nate in her arms. She smiled at it, seeing he was considerably smaller and way more baby-ish. He didn’t do things like patiently asking for pieces of watermelon from his grandpa or trying to eat with clutter yet. By their side, Daniel was with a glowy grin, picture perfect, radiating happiness.

If it wasn’t for the array of notifications that started to pop up, she maybe would have lost herself in sad thoughts of happy memories. But instead, thanks to the dozens of comments and likes, she blocked her phone and got up to set the table.

+++

Mark, still bruised from losing the barbecue game, was storytelling how he and Eleonor had beat and humiliated the Ricciardo siblings at every cardboard game the other day. It made Grace shake her head with an amused smile, commenting disapprovingly at her kids' refusal to acknowledge the loss, as Michelle tried to talk over her husband defending herself. Meanwhile, Nate sat on Joe’s lap, playing with the food on his plate before eating some of it, as his grandfather didn’t seem to mind. Isaac tried to enter the conversation, wanting to be a part of the big adults' funny talk, while Isabelle showed her manners cutting her meat like a duchess.

In the midst of sweet laughter and fond banter, with the smell of the homemade meal and as the sun set softly on the horizon, Eleonor silently wondered how she got so lucky. How, after everything she had been through and with all the bad luck she had been cursed with, she ended up surrounded by such a caring and kind group of people, so full of love and smiles toward each other? And, more importantly, willing to welcome her with open arms.

As if on cue, Daniel placed his warm hand on her tight under the table, just above her knee, mindlessly, familiar, as he bit his laugh at something while chewing a spoonful of salad happily. His thumb ran distracted circles on the side of her leg. And because her heart felt so full and warm all over, she leaned a bit onto his side, enveloping his arm with hers as she drew closer to his body and rested her head on his toned shoulder. She felt him stiff with surprise, his hand freezing. It lasted only one second before his thumb kept running and he pressed a quick and soft kiss on the top of her head. Around them, the happy mess continued.

+++

When they arrived back at the ranch, the night was so far in that they parked in the garage to the sound of crickets surrounding the manor. Daniel carried a very sleepy Nate out of the car and Eleonor silently turned on only the necessary light on the way to the rooms.

Their night routine was pretty much ingrained in their systems now: kiss the little one good night, shower, and slip into the pajamas before tucking themselves under the covers.
Except Eleonor didn’t want that day to end.

After all the recent turmoils, actually having a good day seemed so special and out of place she was terrified to let it go. Suddenly, she wasn't a grown married woman who had known her husband for so long. Rather, she felt like a young university graduate going on a first date with a funny guy, with her stomach full of butterflies and willing to open her heart to the novelty of a relationship, as much as it scared her.

“What are you thinking of doing tomorrow?” She followed Daniel to the bathroom, like a lost puppy.

It would be their last full day there before going back to Monaco. She would work next week and Nate would have his first day at preschool.

“I dunno”, he didn’t even bat an eye at her while taking his clothes off. “The guys from the vineyard called me earlier, actually, inviting me to check some things up.”

Her eyes glistened with excitement.

“Tasting, you mean?”

He laughed, amused.

“No. Not this time, sorry, hun.”, he grabbed his towel and threw it over the box glass, “It's more of business stuff. So, not so funny.”

“Hmm”, she hummed sadly.

Daniel turned the shower on and opened the box door to peek at her with an arched brow.

“You want to come in?”

“Wait, I’m having a millionaire idea”, she crisped her lips while concentrating, “You should propose to them to make a line of wine with ginger ale!”

“Ha!” He laughed, took it as a joke, and closed the door, going back to his task, “Sure!”

“I’m serious. I think it’s the drink of the moment”, leaning against the sink, she talked over the running water.

“Sure!”

“You’ll see”, she kept going, not even sure what that came from but just content to keep the topic flowing, “Wait, I’ll grab my phone to show you the research”.

She left an amused Daniel in the bathroom and went back to bed, picked up her cell phone, and opened the Google search bar. But just as she was about to write her wonderful idea, another thing caught her attention.

It was one of those random news that popped up on the search page, this one, however, made her eyes narrow.

"BREAKING!”

It said in capital, bold letters.

"Piastri to drive for McLaren in 2023. Ricciardo dumped."

Chapter Text

What the hell.

She started reading the article, a fucking BBC verified article, mouth gaping at each absurd when the phone rang and she jumped in scared. It was Daniel's phone ringing, she looked over to see Blake's name on the screen. Shit. What now?

Should she answer? No… That seemed wrong. The shower was still running in the bathroom and the call died unanswered.

But then her phone rang in her hand, and Balke’s name replaced the article on the screen.

“Hm... Hi”, she answered nervously. Should she pretend everything was okay? Be completely honest with him?

“Hi! Do you know where the heck Daniel is?” He sounded anxious.

“He's in the shower.”

“Right. Right. Hm, can you tell him to call me back as soon as he can, please? It's urgent.”

“Sure”, her brain couldn’t fully comprehend what was going on, “Sure. Hm…”

Blake exhaled on the other side of the line.

“You saw it, didn't you?”

For some reason, she hesitated.

“Is it true, Blake?”

Then he was the one hesitating.

“Yes…”

That simple word seemed to unleash all her emotions, all at once.

“Oh my fucking god! What the hell?”

“I know. I know. We need to talk to resolve this as soon as possible. It's already fucked up enough that they did this without talking to him first, so we need to work fast, okay? Tell him to cal-”

“What do you mean, work fast?” She cut him, stressed. “What are you talking about? They can’t do this!”

“Well, they just did.”

“Oh. Then, talk to the legal team?” She said the first thing that came to her mind. “Call the lawyers, what kind of garbage decision is that”.

And, despite her efforts, her voice sounded louder than she wanted to.

“Eleonor”, Blake said in a scolding tone, “You need to tell him, all right? It’s better if he hears from you…”

“I won’t say shit to him!”

“… people are already talking shit on the internet. Can you just…”, he stopped, sighed, “Please?”

She clenched her jaw, nostrils flared with rage.

“No. You don’t get it”, she pressed, as if Blake was the one responsible for this, “After everything, he can’t… we can’t. There's just. He doesn’t deserve this, all right?”

The line was silent for too long, they were both mad at the world. Because it wasn’t just a seat, and it wasn’t just a job. To be in Formula One was everything, it consumed Daniel inside out, and his passion for racing was part of who he was. If they took that from him so cruelly…

“I’m sor–”

“No”, she interrupted him, exhausted from hearing those words, getting up from bed to pace around the room, “Cut this shit out. Let’s figure out a fucking solution, do you hear me? Have you talked to them yet?”

“Uh… no, I called you guys first.”

“Then do it. Call Brown or Seidl or whoever is in charge and ask them if they have a fucking shit in the place of their brains and–”

So involved in the plans, she didn’t notice Daniel getting out of the bathroom, only a towel around his waist, hair damp and furrowed brows.

“What happened?” He asked, surveying her with confusion.

She held a hand for him to wait, focused on Blake’s complaint.

“Eleonor, that’s not how it works…”

“Well, that’s how it will work now. You know how these things are, there are contracts and money, and they can’t– Ugh, this is not how it works!”

Blake made a frustrated noise.

“I’m on my way there, all right? Open the gate for me.”

“What! No! You can’t-” but the call was already over. She pulled the phone away from her ear to glare at it, “Fucking pricks!”

“All right”, now by her side, Daniel squinted carefully, a mix of curiosity and complacency, “Who are we mad at?”

She turned to him with blazing eyes and a sailor's mouth and opened it to tell him all of it, only to change her mind a second later. He was staring at her with sweet honey eyes, relaxed muscles, and a clean face.

“No one”, she muttered, averting his gaze.

“What?” He scoffed a laugh, “Come on, it looks like you want to burn someone alive.”

Oh, she did! How she did. But.

“It's nothing. Just- go to bed. I’ll figure it out”, she nodded, trying to think of a solution out of that sick mess. One that didn t involve crushing his heart.

“Els…” Daniel pleaded, one hand running to her wrist with concern.

She took a step away from him, defensive, and held the phone tight with its screen pressed to her chest. He arched a brow at her.

He didn’t deserve this… Out of all the people in the world. He didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry…” she breathed in, unexpected tears gathering at the corner of her eyes and a shuddered breath escaping her lips. “I’m sorry, I… this shouldn’t have happened. It’s… it’s so fucked up. So fucking fucked up.”

Daniel watched her reaction with alarming eyes.

“Wha… it’s okay. Whatever it is”, he assured innocently, “We’ll figure it out, hun. Don’t worry.”

And there he was, worrying about her. It made her want to go to Woking and turn the MTC upside down.

“It’s not fair”, she breathed in, calming herself. Because how long would this sick cycle last? One of them comforting the other, then switching, then switching again, then one more time, until forever.

“Okay…” he nodded as if it made sense. Waiting for any other information.

“I don’t want to tell you”, she confessed, looking deep into his eyes, letting him read all the sincerity in her words, “because you don’t deserve it.”

“You’re scaring me a bit…”

That wasn’t fair either. So she decided to scrap the bandaid once and for all.

“Something happened.” She said, “With McLaren”.

That got him even more surprised.

“McLaren?”

Maybe it was her mind, but she thought he visibly relaxed at it.

“Yes.”
Jesus. How could she do that? How could she be the one to deliver another crushing news, to break his heart once again?

“Els”, he took a tentative step in her direction as if calming a deer under headlights, “You're scaring me.”

Ok. She shouldn't cry. So she swallowed all her sadness and put all her best efforts into looking like a safe harbor now.

“Daniel, I'm sorry.” she rubbed her fingers over his hands, her heart sinking and sinking in her chest, “They just announced Piastri to drive for them next year.”

A moment of consideration, and then:

“Piastri?” He furrowed his brows, “The reserve? From Alpine?”

She wasn’t sure, but she supposed it must be. Not that it really mattered, who they were replacing him for.

“Yes.”

“But… how?” He asked, genuinely confused, “I’m driving for them next year. Me and Lando”.

“It’s not your fault”, she rushed to say, “You have to understand this, okay? It’s definitely not your fault, they’re just… a bunch of sick wankers with no self-respect and…”

He blinked. Sat back on the bed. With eyes hollow and shoulders slumped, he muttered no the nothing:

“They just… dumped me?”

“No!” She rushed to correct that, “I mean… It looks like it. But I’m not sure how it happened. I’m sure there’s some… contract law or something that forbids them from doing it. Right? I mean-”

She groaned, impatient, not realizing she had started to pace around the floor and stopped in front of him.

“Ah… fuck”, Daniel pressed one hand over his eye.

“And I saw it on Google. On Google! I’m sure they should’ve informed you before, right? This can’t be legal. And, honestly, what a prick move.” She scoffed, horrified by their lack of morals, “I think you should hire a lawyer and make a dirty move in return as well…”

“What? No, Els…”

“Really, aren’t there rules to this kind of stuff? And you are signed for next year, come on, they should go to jail for-”

She stopped upon glancing at him and seeing only a blank, bored even, stare. Daniel had his elbow over his knee, the side of his face against his hand, looking at her as if she was having a breakdown and all he could do was watch.

Eleonor crisped her lips, unhappy, and crossed her arms over her chest.

“A little help would be useful here”, she accused.

Daniel huffed a humorless laugh through his nose and sat upright, eyes still tired.

“Listen, I appreciate… this”, he gestured generally towards her, then touched a hand over his heart, “I really do. I know you support me. I know you love me and will always stand by my side, but please don't make it look like I'm not responsible for something I clearly am. This is my fault.”

She uncrossed her arms, offended. It took her longer than necessary to process his words, to accept he was actually saying those absurdities out loud.

“Excuse me?” She inquired, giving him the chance to reiterate.

Daniel just sighed. And he didn’t look like the fearless, confident, audacious guy she once met. Scrapping a hand on the nape of his neck, he looked… exhausted.

“You’re just… gonna give it to them like this?” That was absurd, making her squint and wanting to send him to the fight ring to give a few punches. “You’re not even mad?”

"I'm happy you're not angry at me", he let out without thinking.

And a second of weirdness settled between them. Daniel raised his eyes in shock, having just realized what he’d said. Eleonor mouth parted, trying to understand what was going on and why on Earth they couldn’t have one normal fucking week.

"What?”, she blinked, hard, trying to face the situation without the weight of dozens of couples therapy sessions on her back, “You’re- What… Why would I- wait, that makes me feel horrible!”

"Sorry”, he prompted himself, “Sorry. It’s not. It’s not that, I just… it's complicated. I... hell, that's a mess.”

“Oh, thanks for getting it”, she deadpanned.

Daniel pressed his lips in a thin line, unhappy. But she could see the engines running in his mind as he tried to order his thoughts, and, after a painful pause, he sat upright and proceeded.

“It is on m–”

“This is not on you!” She groaned, irritated, and glared at him, “Daniel! This is not on you, think a little! You’re a great fucking driver, for God’s sake!”

Eleonor didn’t remember the last time she discussed racing stuff, but it was kind of impossible to forget it. She loved Formula 1 since she was a kid, a few months without going to the paddock couldn’t erase it all.

Daniel, on the other hand, looked at her as if she had grown two heads.

“You know one victory among a poor performance is not exactly the id–”

“No, no, no, no”, she let out a humorless laugh, suddenly filled with urgency, postulating to her confused husband half-naked on the bed like a child in detention, “No, sir. You’re not gonna defend them, do you hear me? You’re gonna go there, and…”

Her mouth fell agape when she didn’t know exactly what he should do besides not giving up. But she kept the pose nonetheless, one hand on her waist and an authoritative finger in the air, while Daniel stared at her completely at loss.

“And?” He arched a brow at her.

“And”, she stressed the word to emphasize its importance, “You’re gonna go there and remind them who the fuck you are. Yes. That 's what”.

He opened his mouth, furrowed his brows, closed his mouth, and clenched his jaw. Eleonor didn’t know where her tears and desperation went, but the fact that he wasn’t breaking down was enough to keep her in place.

She wouldn’t let this break him. Not even over her dead body.

“Honey…” Daniel started, scraping his stubble, “I don’t think..”

She could see the self-doubt starting to creep into his mind, but, as if on cue, the house phone rang with the gate sound, signing someone was ringing outside. Daniel turned to her in confusion.

“It’s Blake”, she smiled with satisfaction.

“Blake?”

“I’ll go open the gate, you go wear something”, she instructed with no room to protest, starting to walk towards the door, “And I’ll make some coffee because you are not losing this seat tonight”.

+++

“I’m really sorry, mate, but they’ve really taken the seat from you”, Blake lamented, eyes full of empathy as he embodied his PR training to navigate the delicate conversation.

“What!”, Eleonor stopped halfway through putting the coffee cups on the table, eyes widened and jaw clenched, “I thought you came here with a plan.”

Blake did something like half-shrugging, but not sure about that too. He was in pajamas, once in a while letting out a yawn, surrounded by a crazy amount of paperwork he had brought with him and set on Eleonor’s office table. All useless it seemed.

“I reviewed the contract”, he gave her an apologetic look before returning to Daniel, “There’s the exit clause, which, of course, we never thought they would invoke… but it’s there”.

“So”, Eleonor squinted super defensively, “You’re telling him he should just throw hands up and quit?”

“What? No-”

“Great because he’s absolutely not doing it.” She stated, finally giving them their caffeine, “It is, what, 5 pm in Woking? Still work hours right? They should get a call.”

Blake hesitated, looking at her with a concerned expression before looking at Daniel with a questioning look, who, on his part, was sitting in silence, chin resting on his hand with a sleepy expression.

They exchanged a glance that seemed to convey more than Eleonor could understand.

“What?” Standing up between them, she hated being left out.

They exchanged a glance again and seemed to come to a silent agreement because Daniel looked at her with a soft expression and said:

“Honey, why don’t you take a look at the contract yourself?”

She blinked, taken by surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah”, he nodded and went to search for the document on the paper pile, “Since you are so determined. Maybe you can pick something Blake hadn’t noticed.”

“Hey!” Blake protested.

But Daniel just kept going, unbothered and with a sweet, solicitous look that Eleonor couldn’t say no to.

“Maybe you can go to your special reading chair?” He suggested, with a quick blink, as if sharing a secret with her while handing her the contract, “We call the MTC and then we can reunite again to… discuss strategies. And stuff”.

The paper weighed in her hands, heavy with the responsibility. Eleonor held it tight against her chest. She glanced at Blake, who quickly drew a weird smile and nodded at her.

“Okay…” She agreed, resolute, “I’ll be right there”.

“Perfect”, Daniel smiled at her, “Thanks”.

Her special reading chair was just by the window, with a beautiful view of the ranch and near to the enormous bookshelf she had there. And because the office was so big, if Daniel and Blake talked in a low tone and she concentrated very hard on the text, it was almost as if she was alone.

Though she might or might not have heard, at some point in the night, Blake whispered something like: “mate, what happened to her?”. But she drowsed off before hearing Daniel’s answer.

+++

Eleonor woke up in a jump.

She wasn’t sure what, exactly, awoke her: the bright sun through the window burning her eyes or the smell of fried butter coming from afar. She sat upright, taking the room in and realizing she was alone, Daniel’s contract nowhere to be seen, and a comfy blanket over her legs.

Shit.

Shit. Shi. Shit… She rubbed an angry hand over her sleepy face, grunting and wondering how many things could have gone wrong through the night. The news had spread, for sure. And perhaps…

Wait, was that…? Yes. Laugh. Coming from downstairs. Or maybe she was just hallucinating.

Either way, she got up and ran there to check, walking through a neat house and hearing movement in the kitchen. She followed it there and stopped at the doorframe, surprised by the scene.

There was Daniel by the stove, making pancakes, apparently, with an amused smile on his face while he was handling the pan. Then there was Nate on his side, still in his PJs, sitting by the sink, looking dazzled at the pancakes in the making and casually signing excitedly.

What in the…

Eleonor stayed at the entry, shocked and not sure of what to do besides staring at the sweet, domestic, and mundane scene, feeling like an intruder. Daniel’s back seemed relaxed. He sucked at cooking (who was her to judge, but still), but he had the patience to try once in a while, for Nate, who loved to watch and taste and just be involved in general.

She would have stayed there, just watching, for much longer if Nate hadn't noticed her at some point and started tugging Daniel to look at her.

"Hi, mamãe!" He smiled at her, "Daddy's making pancakes!"

That was enough to set her in motion.

"Hi, my love”, she approached them cautiously, enveloping the little one in a tight bear hug. "Daddy's cooking, yeah?", she eyed Daniel suspiciously.

“Yes, daddy is”, he said, hands busy with the cooking, with a quick glance at her.

She saw good humor in his eyes, nothing more. That made her even more confused. And to make it worse, the pancakes looked good.

“Are these smiley faces?” She asked, mouth agape with wonder.

“Yes! So cool!” Nate explained and began to point to each one of the little special-shaped pancakes on the plate next to him, “We named them! Daddy made one for me and one for you, mamãe, and one for him, and one for Samantha!”

“He did?” She blinked and ran a hand through Nate's hair, fluffy and adorably baby-smelling.

“Yes! And we named him Dopey!” He laughed, shooting a laughing glance at Daniel as if that was the funniest thing they'd ever come up with.

“Well, I think that's enough”, Daniel flipped the last one on the plate turned the stove off, and arched a suspicious brow at Nate “Unless super Nate has a giant belly?”

“I don't have, Daddy”, he laughed.

“It's settled then!”

He picked up Nate and took him to his big chair on the kitchen table, imitating a plane on the way and making it the funniest thing for him. He came back to Eleonor watching him and just smiled at her, reaching to her side to pick the pancakes.

“I made a Dopey for you too”, he blinked at her in secrecy, “You choose the juice?”

Elenor huffed a laugh, despite everything, because that was so… them. Before. That was a scene from a life she had forgotten for way too long.

So she did pick up the juice in the fridge and joined them at the table nonetheless.

“I want my smiley!” Nate reached with his little hands to the mount of pancakes, but Daniel took it away before he made a mess and served him instead.

On the table, there was honey, jelly, bananas, blueberries, strawberries, and…

“And maple!” Nate asked with pure excitement, looking at his father for it since the bottle was too far for him to reach.

“What’s the magic word?” Daniel asked.

“Cash money b-i-t-c-h-e-s!”

Eleonor groaned, hiding her face behind her hands, wondering what had gone wrong as Daniel barked out a laugh.

When she gathered the strength to look up again, Nate was already with his mouth full of maple syrup and a big smile as he chewed.

“You will fix this”, she signed to Daniel, a clear order.

“I will”, he answered, “When it stops being funny”.

He looked at her with a weird look. Soft, attentive eyes and the ghost of a smile on his lips. It was the worst moment possible for her to remember she didn’t even shower last night, nor brushed her hair or her teeth that morning.

“I look like trash, don’t I?” She sank into the chair.

That managed a genuine laugh out of him.

“I’ve seen you worse…”

It was curious how sometimes they engaged in AUSLAN conversation when Nate wasn't even paying attention to them - on occasion, very concentrated on playing with his smiley-shaped pancake.

“Where's Blake?” She asked, addressing the elephant in the room.

Daniel poured himself a glass of orange juice before answering.

“He went home. Pretty late actually… We talked a lot. He must still be asleep now.”

The comment made Eleonor think it was late in the morning, but she had no idea what time it was, exactly.

“I thought of waking you up to go to bed”, he continued after a bite of pancake, “But you looked so tired. And hugging my contract like a teddy bear… so cute. I even took a picture”.

She exhaled in disbelief. With her plate and cup still empty, she hadn't been able yet to situate herself in time and space.

“I don't get it…” She explained. The news must have been all over the place. People must have called to ask him stuff. There must be pressure from the media and the business, and the work and general and… “You're not… angry?”

That seemed to finally make him take a deep breath and look a her a bit more seriously, fork and knife stopping at the table. But still, his eyes were calm and loving.

“I am not angry, okay?” He told her, voice low and calm, open and raw, “I am tired of being angry”.

That softened something inside her, making her bite her lip and feel her heart take a hurtful squeeze.

“But I liked that you were angry for me. I really did”, his lips curved up, and her eyes prickled with tears for some stupid reason. “Just… I think we both deserve a break from it.”

She nodded.

“Okay.” She said softly. “Do you know what you're gonna do?”

He nodded.

“I've got no fucking clue”.

Eleonor smiled a him apologetically.

“But right now, it would mean the world if you had a Dopey.”

She laughed, lowering all her guards.

“All right”, she served herself one, along with a bit of honey and a lot of fruit, “Let's see these famous pancakes…”

Nate watched her movement with a big smile, and so did Daniel.

She took a bite.

It was horrendous.

“Hmm…” she chewed under the prying pair of eyes on her, “Hm. Hmmm”.

“So cool, right, mamãe?”

She answered with a thumbs up at a loss of words, Daniel holding his laugh at the other side of the table.

“Just like our newlywed days, no?” He teased.

Despite the awful taste of flour and eggs in her mouth, she couldn't help but smile at the memory of empty apartments and recently graduated salary, when they used to sit on the ground and have pizza from the last night’s takeaway as breakfast.

“Cheers to that.” He smiled, reading her mind.

+++

Eleonor placed the mug with a hot cappuccino on the table, right beside his computer. Daniel turned to look up at her with thankful eyes, though she could see the uncertainty hidden in his expression.

She yielded to her own urge and gently rubbed his hair out of his forehead to plant a soft, loving kiss there.

“I’ll be in the library, okay?” She murmured, her fingers distractedly rubbing his curls.

Daniel nodded, silently. Thoughtful. And her heart squeezed tight in her chest, for that and everything else.

But that was how life was sometimes. She had to leave, close the door, let him handle stuff, and pretend to be totally calm with it.

So she busied herself putting Nate to his afternoon nap on the library's big couch. When he dozed off by her side, she finally got the courage to pick up her phone and check the dozens of notifications.

There were messages from everyone. Grace, asking about Daniel. Joe, asking about Daniel. Michelle, asking about Daniel and cursing McLaren. Eleonor smiled at it, taking her time to send each one of them honest updates and sincere apologies for the delay.

Nate shifted in his sleep and she adjusted herself, one hand running slowly on his back. She moved on, to Max, and Kelly, and Scotty, and Melissa… Eleonor quickly wondered if they all had messaged Daniel too, or just her. She texted Kelly this.

KELLY: just you, ofc.
KELLY: but now that you answered we’ll definitely message him too
KELLY: although I think Max messaged Christian too, and Christian texted him.

Eleonor's eyes widened at that, though few things could surprise her at this point in history.

ELEONOR: that's a bit odd, no?
KELLY: yeah but who knows what these guys are up to right
ELEONOR: haha right

+ + +

When Daniel opened the library door, over two hours later, Eleonor was four chapters in The Beautiful and Damned, sprawled against the couch with the silence and the soft breeze coming from the opened window.

“Hey”, she closed the book, dropping it on the center table as she sat up and watched him approach a bit crestfallen, “How did it go?”

The answer was Daniel dropping himself on the couch beside her, face pressed on the grey upholstery letting out an exhale.

“Oh, Dan…” she scooted closer, hand running over his hair.

Daniel rolled up to face the ceiling, one hand coming up to rub his stubble. He looked so tired.

“It was just… shitty”, he offered with half a shrug.

And despite her urge to ask a hundred questions, she settled for a considerate one:

“Do you want to talk about it or ignore it for a while?”

He thought for a moment and, for no surprise, he wanted to talk. They shifted, so he laid his head on her lap and she brushed her hand over his head while he chatted. It was less of detailing what exactly happened and more of how he was feeling about it: a mess. But Eleonor knew him well enough to get the hints of the dynamics of it.

Blake was there, along with McLaren’s legal team apparently (no one she knew, from the names he mentioned). They were all very formal about it, which pissed Daniel off completely because he felt like overreacting about it alone. And it was completely true, what was on the news, they really signed Piastri and, from what Daniel had picked up, they had very early plans of doing so from the way the young F2 champion so openly dismissed Alpine just two weeks ago. Though they assured him the news shouldn't have leaked that way, which Daniel classified as “utter fucking bullshit”.

It seemed surreal for Eleonor how little Daniel was feeling facing that. According to him, they said he was underperforming and that was all. No previous conversation, no afore warning, no consideration whatsoever.

“But can they do that?” She asked, confused. “Legally, I mean.”

He nodded sadly.

“They can if they pay the fine.”

“There’s a fine for this?”

“Yeah”, he sorted distractedly, “18 million dollars.”

Eleonor wasn’t able to hide her surprise, trying not to sound too shocked for it but at the same time… damn.

“Caralho…” she muttered, “That’s a lot of money.”

“Yeah…” he rubbed a hand over his face. “I was thinking of maybe putting in an account for Nate, you know? It wouldn’t be bad.”

She smiled softly at him, massaging his scalp. In spite of his good intentions, it was still shit how they’d rather pay him off and fulfill their obligations.

“That’s a very good idea, actually”, she conceded.

“Or maybe we could buy a yacht. Or a jet”, a phantom of a smile threatened his lips while he looked up to her jokingly, “Or both.”

Eleonor shot him a half-annoyed look but was happy that at least he was joking about it.

“Right. Because that would be very parentally responsible.”

“I don’t know”, his smile grew a bit wider, “When I was kid, I’d rather my parents had a yacht than a savings account for me.”

Eleonor rolled her eyes, knowing he was partially serious about it. But that was the minimum problem they had at the moment.

“Right. And what about you, hm?” She inquired lowly, his curls soft between her fingers.

The boyish grin slipped from his face and her heart ached. Daniel lowered his gaze to a far point in the room.

“Honestly? I have no idea. I still need to show up and push for results, of course, but apart from that… I really don’t know.”

The frustration was tangible in his tone. It made Eleonor want to retrocede to her young unhinged teenage girl instincts and burn Mclaren to the ground with her bare hands.

“Listen, honey”, she started, wanting to sound reassuring, “Fuck them off, all right?”

That caught him off guard, he looked up at her with raised eyebrows and mouth a bit agape.

“They have been having horrible cars and doing their drivers dirt for a while, and now they tell you they’ll fix the “issues” and then end up paying out their only race winner since the Ice Age? Well. It’s their loss, everybody knows that.” She looked fondly at him. “I hope you do, too.”

Daniel sat up to face her, his honey eyes soft and his shoulders relaxed, which was a relief considering the circumstances.

“Fuck them all?” he asked as if she had the answer.

“Yeah”, she nodded, seriously, “Fuck them all.”

He drew a soft, adoring smile as she opened her arm, welcoming him close. Daniel did as he was invited, leaning against her side, seeking the comfort she was more than willing to provide, and kissed her shoulder fondly before laying his head there. He wrapped his strong arms around her carefully and she returned the embrace, her hands rubbing soothing circles on his back.

It was one of those moments that rationally didn’t make sense, how much she loved him to the point she wished to feel his pain and frustration in his place. But if all she could do was to hug him and be his safe port for a few minutes, then she’d do.

The time passed and didn’t pass at the same time, and they only moved when the other couch shifted with Nate raising a sleepy face up, noticing them and silently getting up.

Then he came by walking slowly and drowsy until he looked at his parents and and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Hello, my love", Eleonor signed for him with a smile.

He smiled and climbed on the couch, then proceeded to try to move Daniel's arm off her with a deep frown.

"Hey, hey, hang on buddy", Daniel signed for him seriously, "It's my turn now. You had her the whole morning".

"No", Nate pouted, angry at his father, "My Mamãe.”

"No, mate. My Mamãe".

Despite Nate's angry face, his eyes started to get wet and frustrated, which promptly made Daniel give up with a bothered exhale and get away from his wife, while Eleonor laughed at the scene, picking her son up in her arms and giving him a dozen kissed on the cheeks.

+++

They left for Monaco early in the morning.

Eleonor felt sad for leaving Perth in a way she never had before and she didn't even know why. She cried while hugging her parents-in-law goodbye at the airport and promised they'd be back right after Abu Dhabi (as always) because she needed that. She needed them and that place.

So she couldn't imagine how Daniel was feeling.

He shrugged it off when she asked him once the plane had taken off.

“Dan, it's me…” She said, softly, when the lights were turned down and Nate was long asleep in the seat between them. “You can talk to me.”

He hesitated for a moment, lips pressed and eyes unsure. But he did talk.

“I'm terrified”, he told her in a whispered confession.

She smiled sweetly and him, reaching a hand to hold his and squeezing it, reassuring.

“I'm terrified of going back. I'm terrified of the end of summer break, because just when we seemed to be fixing things…” he let out a frustrated breath, anxious.

“Oh, Dan…” she lamented.

“When you got all defensive for me when the news came out”, he looked ahead to the nothing with a phantom of a smile on his lips, “I said I was happy you were not angry with me because we fought so much. And, for once, we weren't fighting and… I don't know. I'm just scared.”

She knew how hard it was for him to admit it, so she gathered the strength to be vulnerable too.

“I'm scared too”, she admitted, catching his gaze, “But whatever happens… it won't break us, okay? We will find a way to handle it. I promise.”

He drew a sad smile at her.

“You can promise that…”

“I can and I am”, she stubbornly pressed.

And he might have pretended he was annoyed, but she still saw the glistening spark of hope in his look.

+++

"Oh my God, where is my baby?!" Melissa screamed as soon as they parked the car in the garage.

She was holding colorful balloons and, right behind her, Noemi and Sandrine were with expectant looks holding a handmade sign written 'Welcome Home!' in big, colorful letters.

"Oh my God..." Eleonor smiled in disbelief, opening the passenger seat door, "What are you doing here?"

"It was so boring around here without you guys..." Sandrine cooed.

"It was supposed to be a surprise", Noemi explained with a frown toward Melissa, "But this anxious one here couldn’t wait up in the house".

Eleonor hugged them both very tightly.

"Oh, it's so lovely... Thank you!"

Melissa ignored her and went to the backseat to pick Nate up, who was a bit bad-tempered due to the long trip, but went with her nonetheless.

Just then, Daniel got out of the car, stretching his arms up high above his head, car keys in hand as he let out a tired yawn. He was met with the unsure and wary eyes of the four of them.

"Wassup, ladies", he greeted, smiling and leaning against the car hood.

When all they did was smile sadly at him, he signed.

"I'm totally okay, all right? Don't worry." He assured, "Life moves on. And, honestly, right now, I'm more worried about dinner".

A beat of silence passed before the usual home rush started.

"Oh, Mr. Daniel, you will love the focaccia I prepared", Noemi clasped her hands in pride.

"Ah", Daniel pressed a hand over his heart, "That's music to my ears..."

"I'll go get the suitcases", Sandrine rushed to the car trunk.

"There's no need to-"

"I don’t help 'cause I have the baby!" Melissa called, moving on in front of everyone to get the elevator.

And soon everyone was moving to get things up to home. Eleonor drew a sympathetic glance towards her husband. Daniel just smiled sweetly and winked at her before moving on to help Sandrine with their luggage.

Their home was still their home, untouched by the craziness of the summer break. It was sweet and relaxing: their view of the Monaco sea, the delicious Italian home-cooked dinner, the sun setting outside, and the usual enthusiastic questions about the trip.

How were Grace and Joe, if Australia was still the land down there (which always got a sincere laugh out of Daniel), and how they all had missed Nate, who was unbothered in Melissa's lap eating his dinner.

It was so normal and mundane that it almost gave Eleonor the sensation everything was back in place. Almost.

Until later at night, and wide awake due to the time-zone difference, she found herself in front of the main room’s door. Frozen. Out of all the places in the house, that one remained the most untouched, for sure, because ever since that terrible night when everything happened, she couldn’t bring herself to enter there again. Let alone sleep in the bed where she had woken up in excruciating pain and in a pool of blood. That thought alone made panic settle in the pit of her stomach.

She couldn’t make herself move, either. Because the days in Perth reminded her, painfully, of how nice it was to sleep in a room that felt like your room, not an ordinary and impersonal guest area.

And still.

“You know…”

She turned startled upon hearing Daniel’s voice. She hadn’t noticed him coming from the other end of the silent corridor, also not in the mood to sleep either.

“I was thinking of redecorating”, he mused, taking a step closer with a careful tone, light and unbothered. “Maybe add more shelves for your infinite books, painting the walls, changing the bed. It’d be cool. We could call the Property Brothers, uh?”

In spite of everything, she gave him a weak smile.

“What is it with you and wanting to be part of a reality show?”

“It was what the prophecy said about me… And I’m still gonna make it, you’ll see”, he affirmed.

Because she refused his request to join Naked and Afraid and his insistence on pretending to not know each other and join Love Island. To be fair, the Property Brothers was a reasonable request in comparison.

“Yeah. Yeah, I bet you do.”

When she turned back to the closed door, he came and stopped behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders in a light embrace.

“What is it?” He said lowly by her ear.

Eleonor closed her eyes for an instant, letting out a breath, grateful for not facing him as she confessed:

“I still can’t do it…” She whispered, pathetically, “I just… can’t.”

Daniel’s arm tightened the hug as he pressed a soft and quick kiss on her temple.

“Don’t sweat it. I think we had enough of an emotional development for a month, no?”

Easy like that, the panic in her inside turned into something relaxed and loose, making her lean against her husband’s touch and allow herself to take some more time with that issue.

“Agreed.”

So they went downstairs to have one more night (out of God knows how many) in the guest room. In the bed, smaller than theirs, they snuggled together, both in the absence of sleep, and talked in secrecy and low whispers about everything and nothing. Until, when the conversation reached a rear end, Eleonor finally got the courage to voice her concern.

“I wish you didn’t have to go…” she confessed, face pressed against his shoulder and her finger tracing slow patterns on his chest under the duvet.

“I wish I didn’t have to go either”, he huffed a laugh, staring at the ceiling with one arm around her.

“Seriously, Dan, this is horrible.”

“Yeah, I know but…” he hesitated, fingers anxiously fidgeting with the sleeve of her shirt. “What’s there to do? Go there, drive, answer the zillion of embarrassing questions, and…”

Get back home, she could picture him saying, but instead, there was a triple header ahead, and what a terrible way to go back at full speed to that world.

It was unfair. And she hated herself for not being able to be there. Not being able to get out of her safe cocoon and face a few challenges for him.

“Dan, I wish I could…”

“No”, he cut her, firmly, “It’s fine. It’ll be over soon”.

And although he caressed her arm reassuringly, she could hear the pain in his voice. And she hated herself for it.

Chapter Text

"Oh, no..." Daniel protested as he stepped out of his car. "Not the Emergency Task Force…"

He grimaced upon meeting the expectant expressions of the little papaya group waiting for him by the sidewalk. There was Blake, Michael, Aurelie, and Tom.

“What are you talking about? We’re always here”, Michael tried to shrug it off, holding his backpack over his Mclaren team jersey.

“You definitely aren’t”, Daniel locked the car, throwing his own bag over his shoulder, bad-humored but doing his best to cover it.

“We just got a ride together from the hotel”, Tom shot Michael a disapproving glance and turned to Daniel with a comically theatrical enthusiasm, “Figured we’d just wait for you as well. Right guys?”

That was bullshit. However, Daniel didn’t know what was worse: the fact that they felt the need to meet him before the day, or the fact that he was deeply grateful for it.

“It doesn’t matter, we have a lot of work to do anyway, right?” Aurelie sent the guys in motion with just one glance, “Yes, let’s get going…”

As they started the path to the paddock, she tapped Daniel’s shoulder with a sympathetic smile, kindly urging him to go too.

“I talked to Natalie”, she confided to him lowly, “She said everyone will be kind to you”.

Ouch. Just a dagger in his heart.

“Thanks”, he muttered, feeling oddly vulnerable.

“It will be just another media day”, she said as they both scanned their passes to get into the Paddock. “And, as a courtesy, you don’t need to give me any sign when inconvenient questions are made, I’ll save you before you even have time to ask for help”.

“Ha!” That got him a genuinely amused smile, “If I knew that was what it’d take for me to get rid of the signals I’d have called it quits sooner”.

Aurelie smiled at him in bewilderment.

“Keep this mood”, she instructed.

It was way easier said than done. And, long story short, the media day was a nightmare.

For starters, Daniel seemed to have forgotten all his PR training halfway through the first interview. Everyone kept asking him things he didn’t know the answers to: what he would do next year, why Piastri was a better option than him, what happened to McLarens glory days, what was the strategy behind firing a race winner for a rookie. He tried to say “I don’t know” in multiple polite and distinct ways but, at one point, he just blurted out:

“Now I bet you must have a question for these guys too, right?” Pointing to the other three drivers on his side.

Luckily, George laughed, which started a trail of laughter in the room. As a guy from ESPN turned to ask Charles about the fight for the championship, Daniel took the opportunity to run the back of his hand over his forehead, cleaning a trail of sweat.

That pause didn’t last long, though. Soon the questions came back again, so many that, when the press conference ended, he was the first one to get up and leave. He invented the excuse of being thirsty, ignoring the water bottles on the table, and going to find a drinker fountain in one corner of the corridor.

“Hey, my friend…”

Daniel lowered his cup of water to turn and saw Seb approaching, wearing his dark green polo and a white cap.

“Hey mate”, he forced up a smile.

“Figure I’d catch you up before you ran away…” Seb gave him that fatherly look, a scold with care.

Daniel probably would feel bad about it, if only he wasn’t already feeling bad about plenty of other stuff.

“You know what it’s like.”

“Yeah”, Seb’s look turned apologetic, “These things can be very cruel sometimes…”

“Ah, yes.” Daniel sighed, leaning his back on the wall behind him and sighing, “Seb, Seb, Seb…”

His longtime friend got his lack of message, or, rather, the meaning behind it, his face turning obscure with disappointment.

“That was a really ugly move. I’m really sorry, Daniel.” He confided in a low tone. In the corridor, plenty of journalists passed, coming out and going to press rooms, eager to capture any breaking news.

“Yeah, I.” Daniel swallowed, a bit embarrassed, “I figured it’d happen one day or another but still…”

Ironically, he thought of a day in the past when he saw it happening right before his eyes. The best year in his career also was Seb’s worst.

“It must be my karma, isn't it?”

“What”, Seb laughed, getting it. “No, no. It’s just how the sport is.”

“Well, it sucks.” Daniel crisped his lips like a teenager in a tantrum.

“Yes”, Seb conceded, “But do not take this as the end, all right? Just because it wasn’t your choice doesn't mean you are out of control.”

Daniel pressed his lips in a thin line, confused and hurt.

“But how?” His voice sounded as small as a little kid’s.

Seb shrugged as if it was very simple.

“Don’t forget you love this.”

Over Seb’s shoulder, he saw Aurelie waving at him with a serious expression. When she caught his eye, she motioned to the watch on her wrist.

“I guess I need to go for another torture wheel.” He pulled away from the wall, shooting a grateful glance at his friend. “Thanks, Seb.”

With his hands behind his back and a sympathetic look, he smiled.

“Always.”

It did make him feel a bit better. Even with the horrendous routine of the day. It was all a cruel irony of destiny because Daniel had always loved media day. He loved recording videos for YouTube, loved joking with the cameras for social media, loved pranking Lando on their vlog. But that day felt just… not it.

In spite of him having good chats with a lot of the guys. George, who lamented very deeply. Charles, who felt truly saddened for him. Alex, who confided with him that he had been there before and that he’d definitely make it. Checo, who shared a few curses and indignant comments at the world with him. Max, who made company for him during lunch, because Daniel couldn’t endure having lunch at the teams’ hospitality.

But still, in the end, Daniel felt lonely.

Lando perhaps was the one who noticed it the most, giving him worried glances all day. He even followed him out of the Paddock when the day (finally) ended and Daniel decided to go back to the hotel as soon as possible.

They ended up having dinner together. Or, better, Daniel chose to have dinner at the restaurant, and, out of nowhere, Lando and Max had joined him.

“Are you guys coming to the happy hour?” Lando asked them.

For some reason, Max looked and waited for Daniel’s response.

“Uh. I don’t think so”, Daniel murmured.

“Yeah, me neither”, Max settled for with a nod.

“What?” Lando looked at one of them and then the other, “What do you mean?”

“Nothing”, Max shrugged, finding his pasta very interesting.

“It is something. You looked at him as if you’re his father.”

Lando looked at Daniel, who just shrugged. He felt a bit bad for letting it on Max, but it was also a bit funny.

“I’m not doing anything.” Max frowned at him.

Lando smiled like a happy child.

“Fine, then we all go”.

That time Daniel had to be more clear on his answer. Just thinking of going out gave him a headache, and he just wanted to go to his room and call Els.

“Nah, think I’ll just stay here and readjust my sleeping schedule.”

“Good.” Max smiled defiantly at Lando, “Me too.”

“What the hell”, he looked on the verge of an epiphany, “What are you two doing? Having a secret affair or what?”

“You know, Lando…” Daniel took a deep breath, “Since you know us for so long, I think you’re already old enough to know that, Max and I…”

“Ah, no way.” He dismissed the message with a horrified expression. “You know what, I know what’s up. You're hiding your console from me because you're afraid I'll beat you twice.”

“Oh, please, not Daniel's shitty console again”, Max closed his eyes and regretted his life choices.

“Hey!” Daniel protested, offended, “It's not shitty, you just don't know how to play.”

“True.”

“Excuse me, is this the night of ‘everyone against Max’ and nobody told me?”

“Yes, and you know what?”, Lando protested, “I'll stay in too.”

Daniel laughed and turned to Max:

“I can't believe we made him give up partying for nothing.”

“Not ‘for nothing’”, Lando crossed his hands in front of his body and cracked his fingers confidently, “I'm gonna beat your ass on the sim, old man.”

+++

The race in Spa was a catastrophe.

Despite having qualified in 11th, Daniel started on P7 since some guys got penalties, but it didn’t mean much in the end.

Everything happened: Fernando and Lewis collided right in the first lap chaos, Lance went to gravel right after for some reason, Nick spun and took Esteban with him, and anything else you could imagine. Amid that mess, Daniel got lucky to flirt with P6 and P5 for the first laps. However, soon Max, Charles, Lando, and everyone who was penalized managed to pick up the pace. That, combined with the pit stops, sent Daniel to the back of the grid where nothing happened, everything was dull and difficult, and the cars strolled in the park on that Sunday evening while the race happened far ahead of them.

Daniel finished P15, beating only the three cars that got lapped and the two that didn’t even finish the race.

“Thinking clear air we were quicker but we never had clear air”, he explained in the post-race interview, trying to say something technical and somewhat useful, “And if I had it…”

He rubbed a hand over his nose. If, if, if. Useless shit. He remembered to smile at the camera, though.

“If I didn’t have a slipstream someone would pass me, and if I was right behind someone, even with DRS, we couldn’t make an overtake so…” He sighed, looking at the ground, “Pretty long old day.”

+++

When Daniel arrived at the bar of that night’s happy hour, everyone was already there. Rather, everyone who used to go out on nights after races — Lando, Pierre, Max Fewtrell who was there for some reason, and… that was all.

Daniel went directly to the bar.

“A whisky, please”, he said to the barman, who nodded positively and placed the gold drink in front of him within a minute.

As he turned it in all at once, a figure fell on the high bench beside him.

“Mate”, Lando exclaimed with surprise, “What are you doing here? I thought you were fixing your sleep schedule”.

Something about his tone, weird and careful, raised Daniel’s curiosity, but not enough for him to care.

“You should have invited me, still”, he said over the noise of conversations and clinking glasses.

Lando let out a thoughtful hmpf as Daniel motioned to the bartender to bring him another glass.

“I just thought you would be better at the hotel, where, uh, you know. Sleep and everything.”

“Wow. What a blast.” Daniel deadpanned.

“You sure about this?” Lando eyed him warily as he turned the second drink in, “You do remember we have a flight to catch tomorrow, right?”

Daniel rolled his eyes, slamming the glass on the wooden counter perhaps a bit too hard, getting the attention of curious eyes around.

“Yes.”

“But–”

“Stop asking questions”, Daniel glared at him, impatient, raising an inquisitive brow. “You come here to have fun or not?”

Lando hesitated for a moment, surveying him with a worried look Daniel hated, before looking over his shoulder to something and saying:

“Come sit with us at least?”

+++

“And then…” Daniel leaned forward, gesturing with his hands in anticipation of the big plot twist of the story, “Bam! I punched him! Right in the face!”

The guys all widened their eyes in shock as Daniel laughed, remembering the episode, and leaned back on the armchair to sip his beer. The night had grown out, the music had gotten louder and a few people were even dancing to it.

“I’m sorry”, one of them asked, “You punched who?”

“Uh. The guy for the Brazilian racing big federation or whatever”, he shrugged, “Haven’t you heard about this? It was all over the place”.

They nodded with divided reactions: some shocked, some still confused. Daniel had no idea who they were or how they got into that circle of conversation.

“And why did you punch him?” One of them asked.

“Uh, that fucker, he… uh”, Daniel hesitated. He knew there was a reason he shouldn’t tell people, he just couldn’t remember what it was. He couldn’t even remember how he had gotten into the topic. “I, uh…”

“Who cares, Brad, I bet the guy was an idiot that’s why”, another one, on Daniel’s side scolded the other one before turning to him with an excited look, “Wasn’t he an idiot?”

“Oh, yes”, Daniel remembered that for sure, “The king of the idiots from idiots' land.”

“That's right! He got it coming!”

Daniel smiled at him, grateful.

“Yes! Yes, that’s exactly… that’s what I’m talking about! Hey, Jhonny”, he called the waiter who was passing, “Another round for me and my friends!”

Everyone erupted in celebrations, some people who weren’t even listening to the story gathered around to join. In the midst of them, an unhappy frown crossed the little crowd to stop by Daniel’s side.

“Oh, look who is it”, Daniel nudged the guy on his side and pointed to Lando, “The police of fun. Boo!”

“Daniel, I’m serious now”, he tried again with an annoyed look, “You don’t want me to call Blake, do you? He’ll kick your ass.”

“Boo for Blake too!” Daniel scoffed, “Can you move, Johnny is bringing our drinks!”

As Jhonny arrived the celebrations started again, making Lando frown again and mutter something Daniel was just too happy to hear because, holly molly mac n cheese balls, that was another bottle of that weird named Belgium beer he fell in love with that night.

He sighed happily, opening it to take another sip when a female voice came from behind saying:

“All right, big guy. Time to go home”.

Daniel’s eyes widened in horror at the so blunt invite, but he wasn’t drunk enough for that.

“Sorry. I’m taken.” Without looking back he raised his wedding band hand loosely at her.

She laughed, and… wait a minute.

“Yeah, you better be.”

He turned back abruptly and couldn’t believe his eyes. Els was right there, a hand on her hip and an arched eyebrow. Except it couldn't be her. She was at home, in Monaco, she had work and…

“Come on”, she gestured a hand at him, for him to take it, “It’s late, time to go.”

He looked down at her hand, it looked soft and caring. He had the vague notion he knew how it felt like – against his own fingers, running over the back of his neck, even caressing his ass and the other thing. He blinked.

“No.” He refused, turning back to the beer in his hand with a sad pout.

“No?” She scoffed.

“Yes, no!” He glared at her, for some reason. “I can’t even remember the last time I got drunk. Oh! Wrong! I can. It was on my birthday.” He looked at her with a weird squint, “And you weren’t there.”

She sighed, letting her shoulders down. He just wanted to have his beer alone.

“I know it because it was Silverstone, and you weren’t there either!”

He said it as a protest and one of his drunk pals raised his glass in agreement.

“Yeah! Leave the man alone!” He glared at her.

“Who are you, uh?” She glared back at him. “A penny-pincher in need of free drinks? Fuck off!”

Yes. Daniel was definitely dreaming. The last time he saw real-Els pick up a fight in a bar was years ago. Anyway, this ghost-Els looked back at him very unhappy.

“I know, I know, I'm an awful wife. But I’m here now okay?”

He squinted at her.

“Are you, though?”

“Yes, Daniel, what the fuck?

“You can’t be real…” He denied with his head, taking in the vision: loose black hair, a matching set of sweatpants and hoodie, and a blurry nervous figure behind her shoulder that looked like his teammate.

Lando. Of course, he was involved in this. He must be trying to mess up with Daniel’s head, just like the whole McLaren team.

“All right, buddy”, ghost-Els stated, “You either come with me right now or you will see me angry for the whole week. And you don’t want to see me angry, do you?”

Daniel’s heart stopped for a second. Whether Eleonor was a ghost or not he’d not live to see if the threat was serious.

“Okay, Okay, I will”, he conceded, getting up.

He stumbled a bit on the way to take his first step, tripping on his own feet and only not falling because someone held his side up.

“Oh-oh”, he blinked, looking to the side to see ghost-Els, “You’re cute”.

“All right”, for some reason she didn’t get the compliment, only sighing in annoyance, “Let’s get going”.

Hm. Maybe he had lost his rizz.

Daniel’s body was oddly heavy and slow, just like his brain. He didn’t even register when she disappeared and it was Lando guiding him outside. He wasn’t as far as pleasing.

“Do you think I still got it?”

“Got what?” Lando asked.

“Charm with the ladies”, he explained, gesturing with one hand but stopping to let out a hiccup. “Ghost-Els didn’t seem impressed?”

Lando looked at him with the weirdest expression ever before shaking his head and continuing their path outside. The events that followed were a blur, the ride home and how they arrived back at the hotel.

Daniel had his eyes half-closed through half of it, opening then when he heard Lando say:

“You guys are good?” When the elevator stopped and opened its doors on a dark floor.

Daniel blinked, but his eyelids were so heavy he just stayed with his eyes closed.

“Yeah, don’t worry” He heard Els say, “And thank you. Take care, all right?”

Then the elevator’s doors closed and opened again a second later.

“Here we go”, she muttered to him, touching his shoulder and guiding him out.

He had no idea how ghost-Els knew which was his room, but she did. And he was starting to think she wasn’t a ghost at all, from the way she guided him to sit on the bed and took his shoes off.

“I’m hot”, he told her in the dark.

“Yeah, you’ve drunk too much”, she explained, standing up to pull his shirt over his head. It made Daniel feel so much better he laid back on the mattress, the sheets soft and comfortable.

“I’m gonna go grab some water for you”, she muttered.

“No…” he grumbled, turning just enough to grab her wrist and prevent her from going away.

He didn’t want her to go away.

“Dan…”

“Please. Stay.” And he didn’t care if he sounded petty or childish, he was too tired to care. “I’m so lonely.”

She sighed. And Daniel didn’t care if she was a ghost or real or whatever, he just didn’t want to be alone.

“Please…”

“Okay”, she answered softly and moved to sit beside him in the bed. “Okay, I’m here.”

He scooted closer, holding her waist and placing his heavy head over her lap, shutting his eyes and trying to forget the world. In that foreign city, too impersonal and too big, he felt weak and small, wanting to curve into a ball and disappear into the mattress.

“I’m right here, Dan…” she whispered, a soft hand caressing his hair. “You’re not alone.”

He almost laughed at how hard to believe that was, but he must have been too drunk for it because his body just relaxed and he didn’t remember drowsing off.

+++

Fuck him.

The first thing he thought of as waking up was that he was 33, not 23 anymore. The lights were too bright, the noise was too loud, the air conditioner was too cold, and he was too old.

“Good morning, sunshine!”

What. Daniel turned abruptly to look at her (wrong move, got his head stammering like a sledgehammer) and he blinked hard at the vision. It wasn’t a dream, then.

“I’ve got something for you”, Els said, with a soft slow voice, pointing to the bedside where a breakfast cart was waiting.

Daniel looked at all the bread, fruits, coffee, and juice and his stomach blurbed* uncomfortably. He looked back at her: fresh face, a shirt borrowed from him that was too big on her.

“You’re here…” His voice was hoarse and weak with the hangover. Jesus, he would never drink again.

“Yeah”, she nodded with a tight smile, sitting on the bed next to him. She smelled so nice.

“But you said you had work…” what day was it again? “Tomorrow?”

“Today, actually”, she corrected, “I said I had to work on Monday. And I did. I asked a friend to replace me”.

So she just came here for him and he was a jackass. Nice.

“Lando called me yesterday, after the race. We both agreed we shouldn’t let you mop too much.”

Daniel dropped back on the mattress again with a loud exhale through his mouth, his head hurting and his body weak. Everything was just too much for him to make sense of it.

“I said a lot of awful stuff last night…” was the first thing he remembered, looking at her with terrible apologetic eyes.

She crisped her lips in a sorry expression and gave him a shrug.

“I said a lot of awful stuff in the past too”.

He closed his eyes. That didn’t change anything, they had made so much progress and he was a massive idiot.

“You know I didn’t mean it…” he tried to apologize without really apologizing.

She crunched her nose with a bit of mischief.

“You did mean it a bit.”

“What, no- I-” he swallowed, bothered by the sound of his own voice, “I was drunk.”

She sighed, making the same face she did before explaining complicated world-dynamics stuff to Nate. She scooted closer, crossed her hands together over her lap, and looked him in the eye before explaining.

“Listen. Daniel.” Another sigh. “I think you haven’t realized we are still going through a lot of terrible things.”

Daniel swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, diving into the mattress and wanting to disappear.

“Just because another urgent and massive issue came up doesn’t mean all the others went magically away”. She made a sorry expression. “The baby. Our marriage. The therapy. Nate’s cochlear implants. That’s…”

The words died in her mouth. And, perhaps for the first time ever, Daniel understood why, earlier in the year, she had so much trouble talking about it. His brain hurt just thinking of it, so all he could do was to pull the bed sheets up to cover him and listen.

“You’re not wrong about what you said last night”, she explained without an ounce of anger or resentment. Just. Just a statement. “It wasn’t nice of me to leave you alone in all that, and I really want you to know that I am truly sorry. But I’m here now. And I’ll make up for that”.

For some reason, Daniel felt like he was 10, coming home with tears in his eyes and blood on his knees, after going to climb trees in the park even after his mother told him not to. Scared and hurt.

“Remember a time we came home after dr Laura?” Els’ eyes softened as she didn’t get scared away by his emotions. “I was so sad I couldn’t even talk. All I could was cry and cry and…”

A humorless laugh, followed by a sincere smile at him.

“And you said that we were going to be all right. Do you remember that? I believed you. And I need you to believe me now that I say this: you will be alright. Can you do that?”

Daniel hesitated, but, eventually he nodded. And when she smiled at him, he knew he had made the right decision.

“Great. You should eat something now”, she shifted the conversation, pulling the food cart even closer to them and already taking a bite of beautifully decorated pancakes. “You know you’re not 22 anymore, right? What were you thinking, Oh lord…”

Truth is, she had been by his side in all the difficult choices. The only career move she didn’t witness was from HRT and Toro Rosso to Red Bull, which was unfair because it was the only obvious happy and unproblematic one.

But she was there in 2018, through all his highs and lows, conflicting feelings about people he loved to work with but a team he didn’t feel comfortable with anymore. And she was there in Renault, wearing black and yellow all the weekend she could be on the paddock, proud even when he didn’t score, or when he didn’t finish. She was there when he heard a word from Zak Brown and took it as a lifeboat saver, she heard him talk about his hopes and dreams to be a championship contender again, she asked the right questions and made him balance the right factors before deciding. So why should she have a word on this?
Eleonor never told him what to do, but she always voiced her opinion. She said: “I love Red Bull as much as you do, but the last thing I want is for you to be unhappy”. She probably would know if he was unhappy again, right?
“I’m not sure if I can race next year.” He said out of the blue in the middle of the breakfast.

(Actually, she was having breakfast, he was just trying to fool her by having a sip of coffee and one or another bit of some snack.)

“What do you mean?” She asked, glancing up at him.

“I had one bad result and my first reaction was to drink myself to hell. I don’t know if I’ll have the… mental strength to race again”.

She sucked in a breath.

“Oh, Daniel…”

“Yeah, I know. I’m surprised too.” He nodded, himself shocked at the conclusion.

“But you love it so much.” She cooed, eyes full of worry.

Yes, he thought, but it’s destroying me.

But instead of telling her that, he just shrugged.

“Oh, honey…” She sighed, reaching out to hold his hand and squeeze it. Hers was so warm and firm, he didn’t know how she could still be so strong. “This is a big deal, uh. You should think about it with time, okay? How about Monza?”

Monza. The name alone gave his mouth a bitter taste, his headache dramatically pounding. He blinked hard, trying to depart from the inevitable future.

“You know what I’m really excited about?” He asked.

“Hm?”

“Tomorrow…”

The concern left her somber expression, lightened up by a sweet smile.

“Yeah?”

“Hm-hm”, he nodded solemnly.

“Me too”, she confided. “I think I won’t be able to sleep or eat. Be prepared to get a lot of messages the whole day”.

His smile dropped with the realization. He had a flight to Monza with McLaren later that day, in a few or a lot of hours, who would know?

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing.”

“It is something!”

“No, it’s nothing. I already solved it in my head”.

“Haha, very funny”.

“It is a bit funny… I wish you could be with me in my head”.

Because he truly had solved it. It wasn’t a hard decision at all.

So later that day, instead of flying to Woking with the rest of the team, Daniel took the stance of being a terrible and non-cooperative driver and flew back to Monaco with his wife to be there for his son’s first day at school.

+++

Daniel had never noticed how many kids lived in Monaco until that very moment. Rather, how many kids studied in that school a few blocks down the street.

The big, colorful, and playground-filled courtyard was a mess of children, of all kinds and heights and speeds, so Daniel kept an eye open on his own sprinter toddler.

Eleonor had gone to give Nate’s stuff to his teacher. A big box with a blanket, his favorite snacks, his old Bluey plushie, his water bottle, and all things he might need in the morning, all with tags they had spent the night fulfilling with “This belongs to: Nathaniel Ricciardo”.

Meanwhile, Daniel crouched down to give him a high five. Nate was wearing the matching set of blue and white shorts and shirt, had his paw-patrol-themed backpack too big for him, and had that big Ricciardo grin on his face as he high-fived Daniel.

“Ouch!” Daniel faked a painful expression, holding his hand back, “Dude! When did you get so strong? Be careful with the other kids, okay?”

He nodded solemnly before his smile disappeared and gave place to a confused expression.

“Other kids?” he asked.

“Yes. There will be many other kids”, Daniel explained, pausing to adjust the falling strap of the bag on his shoulder, “Just like the playground, and the swimming classes. You’re gonna love it. You’ll have so much fun and learn so much!”

Nate didn’t seem to get impressed.

“It’s gonna be awesome, you’ll see”, Daniel tried to cheer him up, “And when we come back to pick you up, you’ll need to tell us absolutely everything, okay?”

Just then, Els arrived and crouched down by Daniel’s side with a big smile on her face.

“So, who’s excited?” She called.

“I totally am”, Daniel nodded.

Nate, on his part, was super super chill – eyeing the bigger kids who passed running, eager to come back, with curiosity, and other little first-time toddlers hugging their parents with confused eyes.

Els shared a glance with him, worried. Daniel shook his head in a silent motion of ‘there’s nothing to worry about’. Though he didn’t know that, for sure. But what did he know about school anyway? It was the first day for the three of them.

“Okay, come here”, she called the little one to her arms.

Promptly, Nate gave her that bear hug he loved, tight and clumsy, full of innocence and love, probably not knowing it was a “see you later” and the beginning of an all-new life phase for all of them.

“We’ll be here by lunch, okay, buddy?” And even though she was giving him that brightened-up, reassuring smile, Daniel could see there would be many, many tears once they left.

Nate raised his hand to wave them goodbye but, in the middle of it, he saw something that made him sprint away in a blink of an eye. They both followed him with their eyes, seeing the moment he stopped to greet Penelope in the grade-two line to go to class, them both sharing smiles and, apparently, life updates.

“Well, that was fast”, Daniel muttered, forearms resting on his knees.

Soon, Nate’s teacher went to call him to his class line. Daniel knew her from the reunions, a blond young French woman who had learned some sign language to receive him. Nate took her hand and didn’t even look back.

“Uh-oh”, Daniel felt it at his heart, but he turned to check on his crying wife.

She had that trembling pout and tears strimming down her cheeks as she watched the scene sadly.

“Oh, no, hun, come on…” He tried, and failed, to suppress a laugh as they both stood up, “We knew this was gonna happen, right?”

Instead of answering, her face crumpled as she cried more. Daniel, as the terrible person he was, laughed at it.

“Ah, poor thing”, he threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to give her a quick kiss on the top of her head, “Come on, I’ll get you some ice cream.”

They went to the ice cream parlor downstreet, bought two cones, and walked back to sit on the sidewalk bench, right across the street from the International School of Monaco.

“First day of school…” Daniel mused, nostalgic, as the waves sang on the beach behind them
and it was still summer. “Seems now like I haven’t had many of those.’

“No one does, I guess”, Els responded, eyes fixed on the quiet school building.

Daniel looked at her with a smug smile and nudged their shoulders together.

“You did.”

She looked at him trying to look annoyed, but he saw the ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Yeah…”

He leaned back against the bench. The wind, or the sea breeze, was blowing cool on them, and a few cars passed once in a while. A McLaren, a Ferrari, an Audi, another Ferrari.

“Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I had gone to college”, he thought out loud before laking another spoon of his choco-mint cone.

“Oh. I can imagine the chaos.” Els huffed a laugh.

“No. Really, I think I’d do great in there. I think I’d definitely join a fraternity, and, obviously, I’d have a lot of friends. Do that car wash thing to raise money, attend a bunch of clubs, make the most of it all. And, of course, take you to prom and so.”

“Right”, she gave him a knowing look, “Anything but study.”

He touched the back of his spoon on the tip of his nose, ding, right answer.

“You know, it’s not much different.”

“College from school?”

“Yep”, she nodded, “Or university from kindergarten, on any effects”.

“No way”, he muttered, shocked and with a mouth full.

“Yeah. The nervousness of making new friends, the anxiety on what to wear, the…”, she shrugged, “The wonder of a new campus or new classrooms, getting to know your teachers and taking five minutes on deciding whether you’ll love or hate them, for the rest of the year. We never grow out the basic stuff.”

When she looked over at him, he was already staring at her in awe.

“Go on”, she gestured vaguely, “Call me a nerd.”

“Nah, I can’t when you look so cute talking about your academic job... You know what? You should go get another degree.”

She laughed nervously.

“Ew. No. I’ve already spent ten years getting degrees, it’s enough. No…”, another nervous laugh, “Just, no.”

“That’s too much no’s.”

“Because”, she stretched the word, not sure why exactly. “Well. I still have to study every day, it’s not like I’ve stopped.”

Daniel considered for a moment and an idea struck him.

“Maybe an online course, then. Remember when we were learning AUSLAN? That was fun.”

She smiled at him, for sure getting reminded of the memories. It wasn’t so long ago, in fact, but it seemed like it.

“Okay”, she conceded, amused. “I’d take another course if it was with you, that’d make it worth it.”

“Aww”, he sang, “I’m like your muse is that it?”

But before she could give him an answer….

“Oh my God!” A figure squeaked, stopping on their tracks in front of them on the sidewalk. “Jesus! What are you doing here?”

It was Melissa, with her hand on her chest and wide eyes as if they had given her a jump scare.

“We just left Nate”, Daniel pointed loosely to the building ahead.

“Yes, I know. That was two hours ago.” She glared at them with a judgemental tone.

“Leave us alone”, Eleonor said before the other lady could protest, but that didn't stop her.

“Oh, no. I don't believe this. You two have so little faith in him you think the school will call at any time, don't you?”

They shared a guilty look.

“You know what?” She put a hand on her waist like a quarreling mother, “This scene is ridiculous. I thought you were homeless people asking for money.”

“Hey!” They protested.

“Come on, get going”, she started motioning for them to get up, “We are not going to embarrass the little guy today.”

“What? No…”

“But we’re not doing anything…”

“I don't care! Move your asses. Let's go.”

+++

They were coerced to go back home and ‘do normal adult stuff, you freaks’ for the rest of the morning. But, as soon as the clock hit an acceptable time, they went to pick Nate up, making their way through the busy line of cars, parents, and babysitters around the block and inside the school building, all the way to his classroom.

From the window, they could see him peacefully playing with dinosaurs with two other boys in the playmat. However, as soon as he glanced outside and saw his parents, he started bawling his eyes out.

“We missed you too, my love”, Els told him three or four times, while he snuggled agains her chest.

“You were so brave, buddy, you know that?” Daniel had assured to his little wet eyes, wiping out a few persisting tears, “The bravest man on Earth! I wanna be like you when I grow up.”

It took him some time to calm down – as in, all the way home. However, by lunchtime, he was better enough to tell them everything. Not just Daniel and Els, but Melissa, Noemi, and Sandrine who also were eager to hear everything about the day, the fingerpainting, the story time, the inside play, the outside play, – oh, they even had to pet a bunny!

It was lovely to hear all about it. Daniel smiled for so long, not feeling like a wreck or a failure, just a dad. He didn’t want it to end, even when he had to go upstairs and put the little guy on his afternoon nap.

“Hey…” Els whispered, opening the bedroom door quietly and with a surprised look at them, “I thought you had fallen asleep too”.

With a smile, she entered the room, where the curtains were drawn closed to make it a bit less light and Daniel was resting on the armchair with his son snuggled against his chest.

“You don’t want to put him in bed?” Els asked lowly and with a soft smile.

Daniel denied with his head, tired as if he was the one who spent the morning doing fingerpaints and petting bunnies.

She came to sit on the arm of the chair, right beside him, smiling down at sleeping Nate and reaching to run a caressing hand on his back. Then, she ran a caressing hand on Daniel’s arm.

“You don’t need to go pack your things for Monza?”

Daniel denied with his head, again.

Els huffed a quiet laugh against his head, and then she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and let him stay quiet, sleepy, and thoughtful with Nate all afternoon.

However, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t avoid his responsibilities forever, so he had to rush to pack a few things before leaving after dinner.

He couldn’t fly with Max or Lando or anyone because they were all already in Italy, having flown there directly from Spa like rational people, so Daniel had to take an ordinary, packed commercial flight. Els drove him to Nice for his overnight flight.

On the highway, dark and late at night, the topic came up again.

“Even if I receive an offer from some other team, I don't know if I'd accept.” He was telling her as the conclusions came to him. “This season had me knackered in a way I’ve never been before. It 's so weird. I feel like another year like this will drive me insane.”

“You feel... you need to find the passion again, maybe?” She tried, hopefully, looking between him and the road.

“Yeah… Maybe.” He sounded so defeated.

Eleonor pulled a face.

“If I see Zak Brown in front of me I won't answer for my actions”, she muttered.

That managed to pull a smile out of him.

“Thank you.”

+++

Daniel got P10 in Practice 1 and P11 in Practice 2.

As he went over the details with Tom at the end of the day, he couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved: that was halfway inside the points, so at least he wasn’t totally humiliated.

Later at night, alone in the hotel bedroom, he wondered when he started thinking being a midfielder was okay.

+++

That loser's thoughts must have gone up to his head because the next day, in practice 3, he got P15. So either he had run out of luck or he really was washed, as everyone had been saying.

Before Quali, he stayed in the middle of the garage, looking at the car, wondering what must have gone so wrong. The number 3 patched on the back of his race suit was heavy and burned his skin. The orange over car’s the carbon fiber was too bright for his eyes. His throat felt as dry as the Sahara and he wondered if he had time to use to bathroom.

Then, out of a sudden, he was startled by a voice behind him saying:

"Hi, handsome. Can I get an authograph?"

He snapped straight and turned back to face it, and he couldn’t believe his eyes.

"What the hell!?" He grinned unconsciously upon seeing Els there, right in front of him.

Not back home, far and unreachable, but right there, smiling and wearing white within an arm's reach of him.

"Hey, you!" She greeted him with a radiant smile.

"Holly mac n cheese balls", he couldn’t help but pull her closer in a tight hug, his arms grabbing her waist, "What at you doing here?"

And nothing mattered anymore, neither the curious eyes of team members or fans nor the live cameras and journalists. Just her arms around his neck and the way she pulled away to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Max helped. And Lando.", she explained with exciting eyes, just like the good old days, "I flew with Kelly, we landed like an hour ago."

Daniel went to rub a hand over his hair, only to meet his papaya cap on the way.

"What... But-" he stopped mid-thought because that was something completely new.

Eleonor hadn't attended one single race that year, so that was a hell of a big deal. What about the rumors? What about the comments?

"It's your weekend, don't worry about me, uh", she adjusted his cap and ran a hand over his suit, checking, before flashing him a soft smile.

And damned be Daniel because he had to gather all his strength to not fall on his knees in the middle of the garage.

"So, how are things going so far?", she asked, thankfully taking his mind to another matter, a very less enthusiastic one.

"Uh", he blinked, his hand still in the small of her back as she looked around, "Weird."

"Hm..." She mused, "Not terrible, at least. Weird is bearable."

He wanted to tell her everything, all the conversations and comments, the looks and the weird mood in the team, but that was just not the place. So, instead, he tried to focus on the marvelous fact that she was there.

“Yeah”, he thought out loud, “I guess it is”.

“It totally is!”, she held his arm and shook it lightly, trying to cheer him up.

Daniel blinked, still a little dazzled. He felt the lens of a few cameras at them and tried to convey a neutral expression. Els picked it up and tightened her smile.

“Try to have fun, okay? Remember, you’ve done it a million times before…”

Something about her tone, light and careful, made him feel enveloped in a soft cloud of love and safety. The clattering, aspiring, and mechanic clinks in the garage was just a distant muffled noise.

“Little package for Mr. Ricciardo!” Lando announced as he came in their direction, carrying no one but little Nate in his hands.

“Oh my God!” Daniel grinned as he couldn’t believe his eyes, “Who is that?”

“Daddy!”

He crouched down to hug his son very tightly before picking him up.

“Buddy, you haven’t ditched school to come see me, have you?”

“Oh, they start so young…” Lando put a hand over his heart, turning to Els. “What a wise little man you have, Els”.

Daniel looked at his teammate with a scowl.

"Hey. You don’t call her Els. I call her Els."

"Exactly", Lando counter-argument lightly, "You only call her Els, how am I supposed to know her full name?"

"It can be Mrs. Ricciardo for you, thank you very much".

Eleonor laughed and pinched Daniel on his free side.

“Okay, jealous Daniel alert, that’s my cue!” Lando announced.

"Good luck today, Mr. Norris", she blinked at Lando with a smile.

“See you around!” He waved quickly before getting to his side of the garage.

Once they were alone again, Els looked at him with a disapproving look. Daniel raised his case before she could say anything:

“I’ll make up to him! Call him to babysit for us one night”. He said as he took his cap off and put it on Nate’s head, making him smile at how big it was for him.

“Oh, that would definitely make you two even”, she joked.

And he laughed, and, suddenly, the Quali didn’t seem to dread him so much.

+++

“So, Daniel, P8”, Mariana Becker said as soon as he stopped behind the mic.

“Yeah”, he smiled, feeling genuinely good. “Yeah, I… can see the pole sitter, that’s a nice feeling. Been a while since I sat at the end of the grid and, uh…”

He had to tighten his smile a bit, not wanting to be way too helpful, but still.

“And there was a round of penalties, after the Quali”, Mariana informed him. Daniel’s heart stopped for a second. “So you’ve been moved to P4. There will be a Mclaren lockout on the second row”.

Wow. Wow, if someone told him last week he wouldn’t believe it.

“Yeah. It’s nice to do it back here, of course, where last year had some good memories. So.” He tried to contain his excitement. “Who knows.”

Yes. Who knows. Anything could happen, so he enjoyed the feeling while it last.

Once he was free from his duties of the day, he took Nate on a little tour around the garages. The last time he went to a race was in Austin, last year, when he had just turned two. But now…

“Since you’re almost three and a fully academically educated man, I can teach you all about this”, Daniel explained seriously as they stood right beside his car.

He let Nate wander around and answered all his questions.

“Daddy sits here”, he pointed proudly.

“That's right. That’s the monocoque. Can you sign this, monocoque?”

He couldn’t, but it was funny. Daniel let him sit there for a while, asking where was the steering wheel, and Daniel gave him his cell phone to pretend to be it and drive a little.

After, they wandered further around the paddock, even having some nice meetings on the way. However, for some reason, Nate remained very shy, arms tight around Daniel’s neck. He barely nodded at Pierre and Charles’ greetings, along with Lando's smile, and failed attempt to pick him up again.

“Ah, come on, what happened to him?” Lando complained to Daniel as if it was his fault.

“Calm down, mate, he’s just shy”, Charles said.

“No, not with me! We had a blast this morning. We’re basically best friends.”

“Right”, Pierre scoffed.

“You don’t believe it? We even took selfies”, Lando went to pick up his phone, but he was still with his race suit on.

“And now you’re convenient without your phone”, Pierre smiled.

As they started bantering, Max appeared walking down the Paddock, and stopped to join them.

“Oh, look, who’s here! Super Nate!”

At that, Nate opened a smile and fist-bumped him, getting the three other guys to gape at Max.

They had a great time, until Daniel found Els again in the RedBull hospitality, sitting with Kelly, Penelope, and Carola at one of the outside tables, to which he greeted with a happy:

“What’s up, ladies”, tipping the tip of his cap.

Since he was in full papaya, he just leaned against the fence from the outside.

“Did you really leave Nate with Max?” Kelly asked him with a half-shocked half-amused smile.

“Ah, yes, this is a super safe place, mothers, don’t worry.”

“Uncle Daniel, we saw them on TV!”, Penelope told him.

“Really?” He was really surprised at it, “Next time it will be your turn, P.”

As the championship leader, Max had given some interviews in the meantime. Daniel saw a glance of it in one of the circuit's big screens as he walked there. And he noticed the concerned expression of his wife.

“They are totally fine!” He assured.

“Hello, guys!” Max waved, coming out of nowhere.

“What!?” Els finally snapped, face going red in a second, “Where’s my son?

Everyone turned to Max curiously, as his face went blank for a second as if asking himself what was she talking about, before opening that silly smile of his.

“Oh! You will not believe this…”

“You better shorten the story, Verstappen.”

“Hey”, Daniel intervened, “He has a smile on his face, it must be good”.

None of them seemed to acknowledge the fact that Nate was less than 3 years old and this was a foreign city in a big ass event full of tourists and all kinds of people

“It is”, Max agreed, “We were passing by the boxes and he saw Seb and went all excited for him.”

Daniel cracked up laughing, turning to Eleonor.

“Oh, God, wait, he’s with Seb?” She asked, all concerned.

“Yeah. In Aston Martin.”

“Jesus…” Eleonor hid her face behind her hands to sigh.

“And that’s why Pen doesn't go with Maxie on Quali days”, Kelly gave them a yellow smile.

“And that’s why my kids are all back in Mexico”, Carola complemented.

“Oh, cheers to that”, Els gave her a look.

They raised their glasses of water and soda as Daniel and Max shared a look and didn’t get what the ladies were so worried about.

+++

Daniel should’ve seen it coming.

Really, it was right in front of his face. But still, he let himself be led by his dreamy start position, his amazing start, and his fight for third position. For a good few laps (that didn’t last long enough, by far), he felt like the good old himself again, sweating at the top of the field, battling for a podium even.

Then he lost power and DNFed.

All after Els and Nate had come all the way there just to support them. Els, he thought with an uncomfortable lump in his throat, who hadn’t attended one single race all year because it was just too much for her, and he hadn’t asked about it once all weekend. So that was the first thing he did upon meeting her.

“How are you feeling?” he said as he passed through her on the way back from the track and on to the post-race interviews.

“Me?” Her eyes widened as if he had grown two heads. “How are you feeling?”

Daniel clicked his tongue, impatient as time ran and he was in a hurry to make things right.

“You know what I mean…” He pressed on, discreetly in the middle of the full garage full of prying eyes. She hesitated. “Come on…”

“Okay. I, uh”, she leaned a bit closer to speak low, “I feel anxious, very nervous, I wanna go home and curl up under the sheets, but… I’m happy to be with you.”

“Right…” He nodded, processing the information, his chest relaxing a bit. “Thanks.”

“Now you, buddy”, she arched a brow at him.

Well, how could he resume it? Rather, what else there was to say about it?

“When I finish here”, he motioned generally at the place, “We’ll go back to the hotel and marathon Paw Patrol for the rest of the day.”

And that’s what they did.

As the sun set in that little Italian city filled with dreams, Daniel lay in his hotel bed with his son sprawled on his side watching his favorite TV Show, while Els was taking a shower. When she got out of the bathroom, hair damp and smelling of fresh shampoo, he took the opportunity to ask her something.

“What made you cheer for Williams even after they became a shit team?”

She gave him a tired look.

“They are not a shit team.”

He gestured vaguely at the idea.

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh. Well.” She stopped to think for a while, brushing her hair, “I think, in this sense, Formula 1 is just like any other sport, you know? Some things are more meaningful than winning.”

“How?” Because the idea was completely foreign to him.

“You see it as a passion for the losers. But I see it as a love for the story”, she explained, leaving the hairbrush on the bedside table and sitting next to his feet on the bed corner. “Just like, bad seasons are just pauses between good seasons.”

“But you can’t be sure”, he pressed on as a curious kid, “Some teams had bad seasons and then just left.”

“Well”, she smiled humorlessly, “I guess I’m a fool who dreams them.”

Daniel pressed his lips in a thin line, not sure where he wanted the conversation to end, but there was not there, definitely. Eleonor must have seen it on his face, because she sighed and just went on.

“Well, Dan, sometimes it’s just about that silly hope, but isn’t what sporting is all about?” A knowing look. “See Max, for example, a dominant prominent champion now, but it wasn’t always like this. We both saw how long it took him to get here. It’s not about being a world champion. It’s more about… Red Bull coming over again, climbing their way to the top out of scratches, seeing themselves going downhill and finding a way back. An energy drink, robbing the constructor's trophy out of the Mercedes house after 8 fucking years. It’s a hell of a history. Just like Seb, he used to be unbeatable. Until you, sir, came and changed that a bit. A rookie with a dream, isn’t what all drivers are at some point? And Williams… well. It had Massa, as I said, back in those times, so it’s the Brazilian dream for me. But, again, what do I know? I’m not a racing driver.” She laughed at herself.

Nate called her to show something on TV, his favorite dog recusing a little bird from the lake, and Daniel tried to order his confused thoughts about fast cars and champagne problems.

At night, they had scheduled to have dinner with Seb, which, somehow, turned into having dinner with Max, Kelly, and Lando, in a nice family kind of restaurant by the sea.

Somewhen around dessert time – when Kelly had taken Nate and Penelope to the restaurant playground, Lando in their tow taking pictures to send to his non-believing friends, and Max and Els discussed something about Italian wine –, Daniel took the opportunity to ask Seb something that was bothering him for a while.

“When, exactly, did you decide to retire?” He tried not to sound too nosy, but his curiosity remained evident.

“Why?” Seb turned at him with a smug, knowing smile, “Are you thinking about retiring?”

It was Daniel’s fault, not remembering his friend was so clever, but he tried not to confirm it either.

“I’m just curious…” He shrugged, nonchalantly, glancing at the dessert menu.

And he was curious. Was it the girls? Did Seb see them growing up and away from him and decided he wanted to be more part of it? Or perhaps was it Hanna? Did they go through something that made him prefer his marriage over his career? Daniel knew this kind of thing happened all the time, not just in Formula 1 but in every sport with too much traveling. Or has he just got tired of it? Could that happen? Seb’s last win was in 2019, before his last year with Ferrari. Maybe he had grown hopeless of it all.

But instead of confirming or denying any of these things, Seb stared a him for what seemed an awful long time, surveying and wise eyes.

“You wanna know something? I asked Kimi that, too, when I started thinking about it”.

“Did he tell you why?”

“What?” Seb laughed right at his face, “Of course not, it was Kimi! Ha, I miss him. But it was a good thing he didn’t, it made me realize this kind of decision you have to take all by yourself, you know? It’s very complicated”.

Daniel tried to frown too hard.

“So you won’t tell me…”

“No”, Seb’s smile grew kinder.

There were things they told the media, of course. My time has come. I’ll spend more time with my family. I want to try other things. Bla, bla, bla. Those might been good reasons, but none of them were the real, decisive ones that set the de decision in motion.

“I won’t tell you because this is something that will come naturally to you if it’s the time”, he explained patiently. “And because I don’t want you going around and telling people I told you to retire.”

Daniel huffed a laugh at that because that was the kind of thing he would do.

“But also”, Seb kept going a bit more seriously, “I won’t tell you because I don’t think it’s your time to retire”.

+++

Daniel went to Singapore alone. Rather, not exactly alone, but neither Els nor Nate went with him. Because it’s too far and too hurried, he got it, but still. Daniel was afraid.

Which was ironic because he ended up having a blast, his absolute best race weekend of all year.

Fuck, he held on to that P5 for his dear life, and how it was worth it! He smiled during the interviews, stayed long in the garage chatting with the guys, and accepted Lando's invitation to celebrate having tacos in Checo’s favorite local restaurant or something.

When he finally got the time to check his phone, there were a dozen messages from Els with celebratory emojis and congratulations.

ELS: yessssssss you did!
ELS: u fucking did it
ELS: !!!!!!!!
ELS: see? I knew it, you just needed the right track
ELS: got me biting my nails on those last laps, Jesus Christ
ELS: we’re having a blast here

Then there was a selfie of her and Nate with the TV, just when he crossed the finish line. Big smiles on their faces. It made Daniel’s heart warm and aching at the same time.

DANIEL: it was crazy i still can’t believe it

He answered, and, after a bit of consideration, sent another message.

DANIEL: wish u were here

There was a writing bubble on the screen and the answer came right after.

ELS: yj. F !; gtu p
ELS: l(37 == ajkshs

He furrowed his brows in confusion.

DANIEL: what?

It took her a whole minute to answer.

ELS: That was Nate! your son just developed the most annoying habit of stealing my phone

That made him bark out a laugh, so loud a few people at the restaurant’s entrance glanced at him.

ELS: it must be this school thing, omg
ELS: sorry, wish I was there too

A big smile on his face, and a weird feeling in his chest.

DANIEL: what are you doing rn

ELS: just trying to correct a thesis
ELS: Clement’s work actually. When you come back I’ll show you, I think you’ll like this one

DANIEL: sounds like a fun Friday night date program

ELS: and then after you read the work we can drink wine and do mad sex on the terrace

DANIEL: you had me at the thesis but ok

ELS: what are U doing?

DANIEL: trying not to watch Lando struggling with Mexican chili
DANIEL: it’s a sad vision, honestly

ELS: ow poor thing

DANIEL: please talk to me so I can ignore all the weird noises he’s making

ELS: oh i do have something to say
ELS: I saw what you did for me :)

Daniel smiled to himself. He had shaved her beloved pornstache, finally, for that race.

DANIEL: well I keep my promises, ma’am
DANIEL: do u like it?

The bubble on her side of the screen appeared and disappeared twice before the answer finally came.

ELS: come home and you’ll find out

+++

Daniel arrived home to a silent penthouse, late in the night with only the low light lamps turned on and no one in sight. He went upstairs, to drop his stuff in some corner and take a shower in the master bedroom before going downstairs to snuggle with his wife, when he heard a shuffling coming from Nate’s room.

Walking silently, he stopped by the door, surprised by the sight.

Eleonor was there getting Nate to sleep, telling him a bedtime story in the way only she knew how to. Daniel watched them silently for a bit, having his heart soothed, observing as his son's eyelids grew heavy and he fell asleep on his mother's side. She stayed a bit even then, as she always did, hugging him up. Just when she got up and went to turn off the lights, she noticed him, a sweet smile gracing her face instantly.

She was happy to see him: the realization made him feel like the luckiest man in the world.

“Mate, since when are you here?” She laughed, coming to give him a hug. “You could’ve said something. Have you got dinner?”

He said no with his head, watching her lovely.

“Well, me neither. I think Noemi left risotto and I’m craving it! Let’s go.”

In the kitchen, She made him sit while she put on two plates for them, not letting him decide the amount of food. For some reason, Daniel almost felt like crying when she lit up the low lights and set the plates side by side before getting to the fridge.

“Wine or soda?” She wondered, looking inside. “Or juice? Or nothing? I hear nothing is healthier, but it’s boring too, right? I think I’ll have red wine with soda. You too?”

It was a simple question that got him lost in his own head, for too long he forgot to answer.

“Daniel?” She looked over at him confused about his lack of response

And because everything else was so messy, a single moment got his heart so full of love that he felt the need to make it clear:

“You’re the best, you know that?”

“Oh, honey…”, she came to hug him tightly and kiss all over his face.

“I’m serious.”

She gave him a humble look, not believing but not wanting to discuss. She kissed his cheek once again and went to sit by his side to eat.

It was something they had done a million times before, to have a late night meal in the kitchen, too tired to set the table in the dining room, but missing each other so much to simply go to bed, filling the silence with nonsense about everything and nothing.

“I just had a million-dollar idea”, he said at one point.

Eleonor gasped, looking at him in fake shock.

“Oh my god, we're gonna get rich? No way.”

“Tighten your belts, baby”, Daniel nodded, seriously

“The first thing I wanna do is to buy a penthouse in Monaco.” She said, mimicking his tone.

“All right”, he broke in a laugh, “It's actually a really good idea. Do you know how you tell Nate these adaptations of stories of ancient Greece? And you tell him the truth but in a G-rated way? And it's amazing how he's 3 and still, he understands everything, and, even, better he likes it.”

She gave him the same face she did when he called Williams a shitty team.

“Believe it or not, classical study is not boring.”

“Yep. I'm starting to get it now”, he conceded. “But I was thinking, why not sell this idea? Greek stories, but for youngsters. In a way that's accurate, but fun too. I'm not biased here, but if you sold this book, I'd buy it. Genius right? Shut up and take my money!”

Eleonor was watching him with a very funny face.

“What?” he asked, thinking he might have something on his face.

She laughed out loud.

“Daniel Ricciardo, you never fail to entertain me…”

“Come on, it is a good idea.”

“Right”, She made an effort to stop laughing. “It is a great idea.”

“So?”

“From 2005!”

“What?” He scrunched his nose, completely at loss.

“You just described the birth of the Percy Jackson series”, she forced herself to stop laughing in order to explain, “That's literally how Rick Riordan had the idea to write the book.”

Well, that said nothing.

“What the hell is that?” He asked, annoyed at the guy who stole his idea.

Eleonor narrowed her eyes, checking his confused expression, and then her jaw dropped.

“You don't know Percy Jackson?!”

It was one of the very few times in his life Daniel saw her so shocked, he felt like it was a big mistake to now know it.

“Is it one of those guys from the weird podcasts you listen to? Like ancient aliens?” He risked.

“Wha- no! I-”, She scoffed and turned on her bench to look right at his eye, fully judgemental. “I can't believe it. You should be arrested for it. Yes. I’m gonna send you to jail, so you can use your time there to read all of it!”

The way she said it… It clicked something inside his heart. That was it, what sealed his decision.

“Yeah”, he muttered thoughtfully, “I know what I want to do.”

She furrowed her brows, laugh dying on her lips.

“Do about what?”

“About Formula One.”

Her mouth parted a bit, surprised, her expression turning careful, guarded.

“Really?”

He nodded. A silence passed between them, and, as he expected her to ask him what he had decided, she asked instead:

“Wait. Before you tell me, can we just have sex, like, really quickly?” She asked, leaving Daniel's mouth agape with shock, “Just because your face is making me really, really horny right now, and if you just keep talking I think I might…”

He didn’t let her finish, leaning to crash their lips together. It was a bit desperate, as he tried to cover his own laugh with the touch, but he smiled into the kiss nonetheless. And so did she.

Chapter Text

“It seems like he had adapted well, then”, having finished all the tests, Dr. Gustav gave Nate a lollipop for his cooperation with a big, approving smile.

Nate ran away with it to the living room, for sure before Eleonor could stop him from eating it, leaving the adults to talk at the living room table.

“Ah, yes”, Eleonor gave him a tight smile, feeling a bit nervous for some reason, “His father has been trying some techniques. He’s better at this than me.”

“Well, he had done a good job, then”, Dr. Gustav giggled. He was an old Italian man, with grey hair and an easy smile, who had done Nate cochlear surgery in the previous year and had been keeping up with him since then. “How about school? Classes started last month, yes?”

“Yes, uh. He’s all right, I guess”, she tried to remember the development milestones but there was just so much she told him the first thing that came to her mind. “He still cries every time we pick him up, but he still wants to go the next day so I guess it’s a good thing.”

He gave her a knowing look as if to say ‘Kids, uh?’

“Yeah, it takes a while for the crying to go away. It always does. My kids are already forty and up and I still remember it…” his eyebrows went up as he remembered something, “And what about the hearing aids, he’s using them there?”

“Mostly, yes. We send him with them every day: some days he comes home with them still and some days he doesn’t. His teacher says he gets irritated and throws them in a corner”.

Eleonor still didn’t know what to think about it, so it was a relief when Dr. Gustav smiled. And just then, Nate came back running to Eleonor's side, apparently not able to open the lollipop by himself from the crumpled, still closed, packaging.

“Really? That’s impressive! Hey, Nate”, he signed, after tapping Nate’s shoulder and catching his attention, “You manage your emotions better than most teenagers, did you know that?”.

Nate laughed, though Eleonor suspected it was because of the lollipop she finally handed him. He tucked it in his mouth and ran back to the playmat.

“Well, overall, he’s progressing really well. It’s very common for kids of his age to want hearing breaks, you know? It’s a good thing he has a pattern, it’ll help you keep managing it.”

“Yeah…” she swallowed, taking comfort in his words.

“I’m gonna give you a prescription for speech therapy, all right?”, he raised his pen, as if to make it a point, and wrote something in one of his papers from the notepad on the table, “I’d also like to recommend a very good one, in Fontvieille. An old friend of mine, the kids love her.”

“Speech therapist?” She muttered, confused, picking up the paper from his hand and staring at the foreign instruction written there.

“Yes, yes”, he nodded with enthusiasm. “For speaking, lip-reading, and all these things.”

She blinked, taken in complete surprise.

“Speaking, as, for him to speak?”

“Yes. It takes years, mostly, but starting so young and with him using the hearing aids…” he rambled on the logistics, without noticing Eleonor’s pure shock and unableness to grasp the situation. “We have a good prospect. I’m recommending this professional, but whoever you choose I’ll work personally with them to improve Nate’s development, of course.”

It was unexpected in every aspect of the situation. She still couldn’t comprehend it fully, watching her little boy play and interact with her in a way that had become so special and sacred for her. It made her thoughtful until the next day, when Daniel returned home from Japan, yawning and taking lots of coffee.

“Can you believe it?” She had handed him the prescription, for him to see it with his own eyes after having quickly run over the facts.

“Uh, yes?”, he furrowed his brows lightly, dropping on the couch to look at the doctor’s paper, “That’s the next step after the implants, remember?”

She did not remember actually. Her face turned into a frown as she stood in the middle of the living room, holding a box with lots of art materials on her way upstairs. Daniel glanced up at her, noticed her expression and his lips curved up softly.

“What is it?” He asked in a gentle tone.

“Nothing”, she held the box tighter, averting his eyes a bit.

“You’re worried”, he remarked, one brow quirked up, “But fear not! I’ll be a lot more around to help, all right?”

Yes, that. Something that had been making her so selfishly happy for the past few days. Just the reminder made her back relax and her expression soften.

"I wanna check something with you, by the way. About this", Daniel made that ‘we need to talk’ face, worried and full of questions for sure. "You know", he sighed, "Haas called me. And Williams. And Red Bull."

She thought of something to answer, under the gaze of his expectant honey eyes, but all she could do was a stupid 'oh' with her mouth, completely at a loss.

"They all had been calling. And. I don’t know, it's almost the end of the year, everybody needs to make a decision and blah blah blah."

The nerves were transparent in his tired expression. Honestly, she still couldn’t understand how he had been managing the jet lag, which made her smile softly at him.

“We can talk”, she suggested, and his puppy eyes brightened up in hope, "As long as you give me a hand..." she shrugged to highlight all the art material in her hands.

"On it, baby!" He called, jumping out of the couch and stretching his hands in front of his body. "Let’s win this art class thing!"

They sat on the terrace, legs crossed on the ground, with a lot of paper, Styrofoam balls, scissors, and everything Eleonor could find scattered around.

"You can talk while you paint", she instructed, handing him one of the balls that were supposed to be Saturn, "Be creative, this will be graded".

"Okay... So", he looked over the paints, picking the orange one, "I've decided on not driving for now."

"Right..." she nodded, eyes squinting a bit for the rays of sun that invaded the leaked roof.

"But there's this thing of Reserve and etc. Christian has been talking my ears off, actually".

She huffed a laugh.

"It sounds like him".

"You tell me. He's been giving me an Oscar-worthy discourse of: 'Come back, home, son. This is your place'," he tried to imitate Christian's British accent, "All these kinds of Disney stuff, you know."

She smiled at the lightness of it, but stopped her painting, the blue Neptune, to consider.

"I thought they had already signed Lawson as a reserve?"

"They did. They want me as a development driver, more for PR and tests. Something more Milton-Keynes-centered I guess."

She hummed in response, not quite being able to picture him so near and so far from races at the same time.

"And is that what you want?" Eleonor asked, curious, "To go back to Red Bull?"

The implication weighed heavy between them, as clear as water on Daniel's troubled expression as he bit his lip and paused his work to look at the nothing.

Meanwhile, Eleonor silently remembered the chaos of 2018. She remembered, vividly, his crash with Max, when she had screamed at them both for being so reckless; all the times she had found Daniel silent and lost in his thoughts of the future with the team; and all the times he had stepped out of the car possessed, jaw clenched beyond rage at the mess the strategy was. It was just too much.

"I love them as much as you do", Eleonor spoke softly after a while. Feeling Daniel's gaze on her, she focused on mixing blue with a bit of white, keeping it light, "It’s just that... there, everything is so intense. Your highs were the highest and your lows were the lowest."

She wasn't sure that would be the best for him at the moment, but she didn’t voice this concern.

There was a new thoughtfulness in Daniel’s expression as he delicately tried to make pastel and gradient curves on the ball.

It made him look so young. Damn. Being married and having a kid makes you think you're all grown up and beaten but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Looking at all they faced this year, made Eleonor feel dumb and immature.

"What do you think I should do?" He asked her, ironically.

Eleonor pressed her lips tightly, shaking her head amused, at how crazy it was they had reached that point of the road.

"I have no idea", she confessed.

"Me neither..." he lamented, eyes begging.

"But." She kept going, lightening his expression up with a bit of hope. "I think it’s a good thing. If the next steps are not clear, it means there's no right or wrong. Whatever you do will be good. Reinvent yourself, even, if you like. Like and an adventure."

His lips curved up at the corners, in the way they did when Daniel was pleased with the outcome of the events.

"I don’t know what I would do without you." He made a fake frustrated face at her, making her laugh.

"Thanks", she laughed even harder and more freely, surprised at her own ability to be happy. "I try to live up to my diplomas, you know..."

And she was happy. For being able to do her son's homework for him. For being able to sit and talk with her husband about difficult stuff with ease. If she thought about it too much, she might even cry, so she changed the subject quickly.

"Do you think it's too bad we're doing this?" She asked, frowning hard at him.

Daniel considered for a moment.

"Nah. My parents did all the time for me when I used to stay until late on the karting track."

"Yeah, but you were what? Twelve?"

"Well..." he fumbled over an excuse, "They are getting younger and younger."

+++

On a random Thursday, Daniel, somehow, convinced Eleonor to fly with him to Milton Keynes. He used many 'please's, some combined with sexual praises and tricks he knew all too well, so there they went.

It was a business trip, but it looked nothing like it. Blake drove, a small and cozy rental car, while Daniel rode Shotgun and commanded the radio, giving them a mix of The Chainsmokers and Kenny Chesney. Meanwhile, Eleonor stretched her legs on the backseat, observing the bright green trees and the familiar English countryside.

Max wasn't there, neither Checo nor anyone who was on their way to mandatory presence in Austin. But it was Christian who received them in the main hall, with firm handshakes and that million-dollar smile, chatting in the big entry room with a wall of shining bright trophies. It was comfortable, like a non-commitment encounter between old friends. At one point, he even got suddenly pushed forward with a trump by a little figure that appeared running behind him and shoving his legs.

“Ouch! Wait on, little guy”, he ran a hand over his son’s red hair before turning to them, “Geez, I hope you guys don’t mind, we had to turn this day to a little ‘bring your son to work’ day, you know how it is, right?”

“Oh, not at all”, Eleonor smiled promptly, waving at the little guy, who was hiding shyly behind his father. “And how are Bluebell and Liv?”

“Ah, not little anymore”, he lamented, “Wish I could have called ‘bring your son to work day’ earlier, so Nate could distract this little menace here.”

But at some point, the conversation turned to the business, the technicalities and prospects of it all. They even got a tour of the headquarters, and it was obviously a selling technique but could they blame him?

They passed by the engineering center, the designing room, and the marketing area. Everywhere, Daniel greeted familiar faces with old jokes and warm taps on the back, shining eyes, and a sunshine grin. Between one room and another, he sometimes shot secretive glances at Eleonor. Longing glances.

Who were she to blame? Even she got a bit too excited upon encountering her old friend in the strategy room. Hanna came to greet her with a tight hug, giggles, and excited jumps, intertwining their arms together and wooing her away from the group.

“You will not believe what we just got! You’ll literally cry with emotion, you’ll see. No, close your eyes first!” She instructed as they wandered a few corridors to the side.

It was a new Smoothie machine they’d gotten installed at the cafeteria, with the magical addition of a filter for a Red Bull-savored drink.

“You’re trying to woo me with a Smoothie machine?” Eleonor gasped at her, faking offense.

Hannah clicked her tongue and leaned closer to whisper, in a secret business tone.

“I know your price, Ricciardo. You were sold the minute I said ‘energetic filter’”.

“Bastard…” Eleonor muttered, eyes narrow, “Your boss will hear about this, Schmitz.”

She didn’t intend to go further, but Hannah’s eyes widened comically as she anticipated something big and dramatic that Eleonor hadn’t actually planned.

“Don’t you dare”, she murmured.

Eleonor smirked. She took one step behind, Hannah gaped at her, then another, Hannah gasped, and that was it. Eleonor ran, like kids did in search of their parents to turn in their sibling, only because Hannah ran after her too. They broke into light and loud laughter, two grown women in a billionaire company headquarters playing tag.

Eleonor just kept on having fun, careful to not drop her smoothie on the errand, not really meaning to find Christian but doing it anyway.

They both had as much fun as children in a candy store, which earned them a few warning glances from Blake (who didn’t work) and curious eyes from Daniel and Christian. The afternoon went on like this. She could see it in Daniel’s smile: the ease.

It would be a lie to say she wasn’t worried. However, under the circumstances, that was a new, thread of hope she held onto, something good that made her chest warm and her heart light.

So, a few hours later, when they bid farewells and left the building, walking slowly towards the car, Daniel muttered to no one in particular:

“That was fun”, with a distracted laugh to himself.

She knew he had already said yes in his mind. And she found herself happy about it.

+++

Life went on like it always did.

Daniel went to another triple header, the last one of the year, tired and scared but doing it anyway. Eleonor kept going to work, studying and reading and teaching like she knew how to. So it turned out Nate was the busiest of them: going to school, addicted to swimming classes, struggling a bit with the speech therapy and everything.

In the meantime, Eleonor tried her best to give him a routine, to keep everything calm in order to keep him the least stressed possible.

“What was the coolest part of today?” She started to ask him every night in bed, sat next to him, running a hand over his head as he yawned and rubbed a hand over his eye.

“Dog Paddle”, he answered after thinking a bit.

“Yes?” She smiled. It was his favorite exercise at the pool, “It was really fun, wasn’t it?”

He nodded with a shy smile and heavy eyelids. Maybe they should skip storytime that night.

“Tomorrow we will spend the afternoon at home, okay?” She ran a thumb over his chubby cheek, irresistible, “Just snuggling and playing. Relaxing a bit. How does that sound?”

She just yawned and nodded, knackered. So Eleonor leaned in to give him a wet, smacked kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s go to sleep now, okay?”

“Mamãe?” He suddenly frowned at her.

She raised her eyebrows with a smile, open to any questions.

“Where’s my little sister?”

She froze, not quite processing it. She inhaled a large gulp of air, breath trembling at the unexpected question, licking her lips under the little furrowed look of her soon.

“What?” She asked, wanting to make sure she had gotten that right.

“Where’s my little sister? You said she will be here fast.”

Eleonor bit her lower lip so hard she tasted blood, nodding slowly and her heart beating so fast it might come out of her throat.

It was stupid, really stupid, to assume he had simply forgotten all of it. They did their best to shield him from all the suffering, the angry fights, and the ugly sobbing, but not from what had come before: the big brother shirt, the soft explanation that Eleonor's big bump was holding a baby, the extra sock at the fireplace at Christmas.

“Well, Nate”, she tried, failed, and rested her hands over the comfy blue blanket, sighing in defeat.

She looked to the side, jaw clenched, dumbly expecting Daniel to be there. He would be better at this than her, he would definitely offer some smooth explanation way better than the blunt truth she told Nate.

“She died”, she signed rather too quickly, perhaps expecting him not to get it. Cruelly.

The little furrow between his brows only grew deeper.

“Why?” He asked innocently, not knowing it was worse than piercing an arrow through Eleonor’s heart.

She tried to give him a weak smile, still, only managing to get her eyes a bit wet.

“I don’t know”, she said, “Mamãe doesn’t know everything, all right?”

“Daddy knows?”

Another painful squeeze in her chest, and an honest shake of her head.

“No, love. We don’t…” her hands froze midair. How could she do it? “We love you and your little sister very much, to the moon and back. But we cannot protec- it’s like. We don’t have the answer to everything.”

She took his quiet thinking as an opportunity to take a deep breath. She could turn him down, tell him to go to sleep and not talk about it if she wanted to appease her own broken heart, but she couldn’t. Not when her own mother was nothing but patient and kind to her. That was the very least she owned her own son.

“Mamãe, what is die?”

Oh. That was difficult.

“Is when someone… well. When someone is no longer with us. Like…” she tried to think of am example, only to realize he had never dealt with death before. She sighed frustratedly. “Like, they go to a better place, where we can’t talk to them, only miss them.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know, Nate.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know either…”

His confused frown turned angry, a furious pout on his lips.

“Don’t like it. I want to play with her!” He told her, mad.

And it would’ve been better if Eleonor got hit by a bus than having to hear that. She tried to soothe him despite the sudden tears that she wasn’t able to fight this time.

“I know, Nate, I know. I want to play with her too. But we can’t.”

“But I want! I want Mam-”

“I know, I know…” her eyes begged him for something she didn’t know what, “But we can’t. It’s like… Like when we’re here and Samantha is back in Australia. And we can’t play with her for a while, no matter how much we-“

“Samantha died!?” His eyes widened in pure shock and horror.

“No, love, that’s not what I-“

But she never got to finish, because he opened his mouth to let out a big, loud weep. Eleonor just sighed as he started to cry out loud, sad and angry and frustrated because of her inability to answer some questions. He looked at her, eyes red and glistening, and that was the cue she needed to grab him in her arms.

Amid his hiccups and cries, she enveloped his tiny body in the safety of her arms, kissing the top of his head and rubbing a caressing hand on his back, trying to make it pass.

It reminded her a bit of when he was just months old, crying for hunger or cramps and she cried along because she didn’t know what it was, and they just cried together on lonely midnights. Only this time was harder because now she knew what was making him sad, she just didn’t know how to fix it. If she couldn’t fix it.

“I’m sorry”, she tried to sign in his field of view.

He shouldn’t know this pain.

“Tomorrow we can videocall Grant for him to show us Samantha, okay? I promise.”

That managed to make his tears slow a bit. She hugged him, slowly and soothingly, until he fell asleep in her arms after what seemed a lifetime.

+++

“Hey, you”, Daniel whispered on the other side of the line, followed by the click of a door.

“Hey, yourself”, Eleonor answered in equal secrecy under the dark of the night,

While she was snuggled in bed, one hand holding the phone and the other hugging a big pillow tightly against her chest, she had only a vague idea of where he was.

“Are you good? You’re getting to rest now?” She asked, worried and not bothering to cover it. Because she had somewhat gotten used to it by now: weeks apart, endless phone calls, beds way too big and too empty… But she never stopped worrying. Never.

“I’m fine, it was just a stupid collision”, the annoyance in his voice was transparent, “I got more worried about ruining Kevin’s weekend, to be honest. Everyone was so happy for him. I even had overheard Guenter saying it was the best day of his life.”

“You didn’t ruin anything”, she half-cooed half-scolded, trying to cool down the shivers on her spine upon remembering seeing it on TV. “But it was ugly, yes. I got so worried…”

“Bet you wanted to run down the street to check on me like you did in Monaco, uh?” The bastard had the guts to joke about it, mock her even. He was all fine then. “Poor thing. Wish you were here to kiss it better, don’t you?”

“Hm.” She huffed, “You are really okay then? It was a crazy race.”

“Oh, you tell me… woof. I even got to watch some of it.” There was good humor in his tone, over some shuffling in the background, “It was a crazy weekend, overall. And George, Jesus, who would tell? I promised to pay him some fancy champagne on our flight to the Emirates.”

Eleonor lips curved up upon hearing the lightness in his voice, the love for the sport, the happiness for his friend, and the overall spirits up. It made her heart impossibly warm.

“You’re flying together then?”

“Yep”, he popped the p, “Innnn… two hours and a half, actually. I’m literally packing my things now.”

“What?! You don’t get to sleep in there?!”

He groaned in annoyance.

“Terrible, right? Wait, wait. Hey, Michael! Michael!” His voice sounded a bit afar as he talked to his trainer, “Els just said it’s the worst thing in the world, what you’re doing to me! That you should go to jail!”

“She did not!” Michael shouted back.

“I told you it was cruelty!” His voice came close and clear again, “Sorry, I had to win this argument. But yes, I’ll be sleeping over the Atlantic tonight.”

She arched an eyebrow, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Sleeping or drinking champagne?”

Daniel’s laugh sounded like the sun, making her pleased with herself for being responsible for it.

“Fair enough. You guys are all set up, though? Everything all right?”

“Yeah, all perfect”, she nodded, covering a bit of her nervousness.

So much would happen in Abu Dhabi she got butterflies in her stomach as if she was the one who would announce to be a third driver to a team while making a hundred interviews of leaving the other.

“What about Shaggy? Excited? He’s not talking about not wanting to miss school, again, isn’t he?”

Right. After he had calmed down a bit, Eleanor had to make him a hundred promises that Samantha was okay and they would see her as soon as possible. When he finally drifted off to sleep, she had stayed there, on his bedside, for way too long. Thinking.

“Els? You there?”

“Yes. Hi. I…” she hesitated, not wanting to worry his tired, busy, and sleepy brain even more.

“What is it?” He asked, softly, his voice a bit lower and more delicate.

“Nothing.” She shook her head, hugging the pillow tighter against her chest.

There was a shuffling on the other side of the line, a door being open and shut, followed but Daniel’s kind reprimand:

“Honey, what did we say about being honest, uh?”

Okay. That was fair. She closed her eyes a bit, trying to order her own thoughts.

“Right, sorry. It’s just. Nate, he asked about his little sister.”

“What?” Daniel shot right back and she could picture his eye widened and mouth agape, “Shit. How- I mean, why? Where did that come from?”

“I don’t know…” her chest got a bit loosened a little upon confiding it with him, “He asked me out of the blue and I don’t think I did a very good job answering…”

“What did you say?”

“The truth.”

“As in…?”

“I told him she died.”

“Oh”, Daniel went silent for a bit.

Eleonor expected something, an approval or reapproval, something rating over her approach, but Daniel didn’t say anything.

“He ended up crying his guts out…” she confessed.

“Oh”, this time he laughed a bit, “He cries when he goes to school and forgets his favorite book at home.”

“Daniel!” She scolded him a bit, despite keeping her voice volume low.

“He can’t even read!” He actually laughed for real then, “Little guy’s very dramatic, let’s agree.”

“I don’t find it funny”, she frowned, “I panicked. He didn’t even know what death meant and think I just did a terrible job and-“

“Hey, hey, hey”, he interrupted, not laughing anymore, “If I can’t criticize myself on the events of the day neither can’t you!”

She crisped her lips, though not exactly annoyed, more… surprised.

“Fine.” She muttered, a little stubborn furrow between her brows.

“I don’t know what you could have said instead, really”, he continued, thoughtful.

“Really?” She frowned.

“Yes. I mean…” a second of hesitation, “If we didn’t know how to deal with it, let alone him. Maybe he needs some time.”

And. That made a lot of sense really. It was crazy how a quick conversation, thousands of miles away from each other, could patch up a broken part of her so easily. It made her heart ache furiously missing him. It made her count the minutes for Abu Dhabi.

“You’re really good at this, you know?” She muttered in awe.

“At what?”

“Being a husband”.

And although she couldn’t, she could see the smile on his face as he answered.

“Don’t let it go to my head 'cause we still got a life of it.”

Eleonor’s toes curled under the sheets and she bit her lower lip just as her cheeks turned hot and red, making her blush like a teenager. She had a good feeling that wouldn’t pass so soon.

+++

Later that week, Eleonor would watch the Grand Prix unfold as a movie in front of her emotional eyes, with a cinematic aura she would never forget.

There wouldn’t be partying in McLaren — it seemed like no one had much to celebrate. Eleonor dutifully stayed in the garage until the last minute, though. In the end, with some silly tears in her eyes, she hugged Michael very tightly, not much to say. Tom had come to greet her with an emotional smile of his own.

“We did it”, he muttered, so low it was like a deeply shared secret between them.

“You bloody did”, she nodded, patting his back

And it might have been just her impression he sniffed.

She hugged Lando too, hoping to not make it look like a goodbye.

“Ouch!” He pretended to be hurt by the embrace, “We’re still neighbors, you know? You won’t get rid of me!”

She pulled away to stare at him with a proud grin. There was so much she could say, like: you were great, congratulations, next year will be better, you have a great future, etc, etc. But she settled for something softer and less dramatic.

“You have a beautiful heart, Lando”, she patted his shoulder as he blinked in surprise. “Don’t forget that”.

She left him blushing in the middle of the remains of a team that would try to rebuild themselves once again, silently wishing him the best of luck.

Leaving the garage, there would be a warm and pressuring sensation in her chest, as she looked up to the night sky lighted up by dozens of fireworks. Almost magical. With the relieved smiles of team members wandering around, the sweet laughter of race fans satisfied with another season, and expectant chatter from journalists who were already thinking of the surprises of the next year.

She would smile to herself and realize it was nothing more than that certainty of something ending. Only it was a certainty of something beginning too.

Chapter Text

Abu Dhabi, as always, was a chaos of events. There was Secret Santa, Helmet swaps, final interviews for the F1 channel, the farewell run for Seb, his farewell dinner with McLaren, drivers’ dinner with Seb, drivers’ photo of the 2022 class, drivers' photo of God knows what else.

It made Daniel think of suggesting some of these things to happen early in the season. Then it made him think it didn’t really matter anymore.

“It’s kind of a bittersweet moment”, he told honestly to DC in one of the zillions interviews of that week, “But it’s definitely what I need right now. No regrets, no… hard feelings, or anything. It's just how life turns out sometimes.”

And he was sincere about it, after many weeks of moping and consideration. He was almost ashamed to admit it, but he kinda looked forward to spending some time back home, with his family, having fun and just trying to feel well for a while.

“And the third driver role?” DC asked, curious and amused, “Happy to go back home?”

Daniel grinned.

“Ah, definitely. They seem to be in dire need of help with the car, right?” He panned, making DC laugh, “I’m just happy to help”.

+++

After the last lap, as the fireworks blew high in the night sky, Daniel took the MCL36 for one last drive around the Yas Marina Circuit, turning the wheels until he made donuts on Sector tree, hearing the crowd cheer (for him or for the end of another season, he didn’t know), feeling a crushing weight leaving his back.

It was only natural to let a few tears slip when the guys projected a picture on his steering wheel as he took the car back to the garage for the last time. On the screen, it was him and Lando standing on the shoulders of the team after their 1-2 in Monza — the best day of their history.

“Thank you, guys”, he muttered to the radio, surprised upon hearing himself sniff with sadness, “Thank you. I’m gonna miss you all”.

Honestly, after the last months… actually, after the whole year, Daniel was shocked to find himself so emotional after something so little in comparison to the previous tragedies.

So he held up during the post-race conferences and his once again goodbye: to the team, to his garage (he didn’t know if he’d have a garage of his own ever again), to the banner outside with his face stamped and his lucky number big and heavy, to the car he tried so hard to take to a podium for months…

But when he saw the comforting familiar face of his wife, who waved at him when their eyes met behind the teams' hospitalities, he just-

“Oh, wow”, she giggled softly when he pretty much ignored everyone else in the small group and just enveloped her in a soul-crushing hug, “Hey, you.”

When her arms went up around his shoulders, all tension left Daniel’s back, and he felt himself exhaling in relief on the crook of her neck. She used the same perfume she had since they met, he remembered smelling it, sweet and flowery, back on the first date in a clumsy pub in downtown London.

When she went to pull away from the hug, Daniel’s arm held her in place.

“Wait”, he whispered, loud enough for only her to hear, “Just a bit more”.

Eleonor smiled against his shoulder and hugged him back for a while.

He would be okay.

+++

They all went to the beach the next day for a nice family swimming. It reminded Daniel of their vacation, not so long ago. And it was nice: not having a party the night before and not having a hangover right now was definitely a welcome flex.

So it was an understatement to say he was shocked to find other drivers wandering around. Not Max, Checo, or Charles, naturally, but he had waved at Alex and his girlfriend, walking on the sand with surfboards and matching bucket hats, Seb’s girls had a blast playing with Nate in the sand, and even Lance stopped nearby to stay in the sun for a bit.

So he kinda expected to bump into literally anyone when he jogged to a bungalow to buy some ice cream. Anyone but Oscar Piastri.

The young Aussie was in a cap and summer clothes, but not dressed for swimming like him, leaning over the counter and sipping a drink alone.

“Oh, hey!” Daniel spoke before his mind planned it, surprise evident in his tone.

Oscar’s head snapped to the side, surprised upon seeing him.

“Hm, hello”, Oscar muttered hesitantly.

If was fitting, Daniel thought, considering they didn’t really have the time to catch up amid the chaotic events since summer break. But there was no reason to be weird.

“So”, he slid on a top chair on the counter, “What are you doing here by yourself like this? Don’t tell me you got a hangover?”

“Ah, no… No.” His face went from slight embarrassment to discreet humor. He seemed to be talking more to his drink than to Daniel from where his eyes were focused. “My friends are, though. I’m just. You know, lots of things… to do.”

“Oh, yes! Seat fitting and everything right?”

“Yeah… Everything.”

He cleared his throat, lips in a thin line. Daniel nodded, wondering if he had done something wrong. If Oscar thought he had done something wrong. He was about to ask it when Oscar turned to him and blurted out:

“I was a big fan of you, you know?”

“What? You? No way!” Daniel theatrically dramatized it, mouth agape, making Oscar shoot him an annoyed glance that made him back to normal again, “Oh, I know, mate. I remember back in Renault… The media guys didn’t even have to ask, you just volunteered yourself to do anything with me. They adored you for that, you know?”

“It wasn’t like that…”

“It was one hundred percent like that!”

“No, it- fine, it was a bit.”

Daniel giggled, but It was obvious how embarrassed Oscar got. It reminded him of the old times when he was lost and not quite sure of his next steps — like the previous day. So Daniel picked up the inspiration from his good and now-retired friend and tried to ease the mood.

“You know, I got it. Between you and me?” He scooted a bit closer and lowered his tone to confide, “I did the same with Mark”.

Oscar actually choked on his drink, eyebrows jumping up as he laughed.

“No…”

“Yes”, Daniel blinked, trying to erase the memory.

“Oh, bollocks…” he seemed equally horrified and entertained.

“You can’t really blame me. You know the talent he has for the cameras, right? All showman and everything.”

“What talent!?” Oscar laughed even more, shocked.

“Come on, you know it”, it was Daniel’s turn to get a little embarrassed, “Sky Sports and everything. Geez, I was jealous!”

That seemed to be a settling fact, making Oscar nod with only an amused and understanding smile.

“Yeah, he still brags about it.”

“And the rivalry with Seb…” Daniel raised a knowing brow.

“Yes. Yes! The rivalry with Seb. Jesus…” his eyes widened. In one second, he straightened his back, turned into a dramatic serious face, and started imitating a lower Australian voice: “You know, Oscar, your teammate is your soulmate. You have to be careful or it gets really, really, complicated.”

Daniel’s jaw fell open.

“No, he didn’t.”

“Oh, he did!” Oscar laughed as if not even he believed it.

Daniel threw his head back when he laughed. It was funny because he could totally picture it happening.

“Gosh, I love him…”

The laughter died between them, like the old acquaintances that they were. After a little pause on the topic, Oscar asked, in his earlier thoughtful tone:

“We are fine, then?”

Daniel almost scoffed at the absurdity of the question, but in a fraction of a second and in somewhat of an epiphany, he understood that it was only because he was old and tired, in deep need of a well-deserved break, while Oscar was young and talented, trying to fight his insecurities while exploring the world. It made sense.

“Yes”, he said, gently, “We are fine.”

A beat passed, within the flush of waves and the clicking of the bungalow.

“Perhaps you have some tips for me?” He asked, tentative and hesitantly, but sincere to some extent.

“Well…”

Daniel exhaled, thinking about all his years of racing and crashing, winning and losing, celebrating and lamenting.

“Ah! Essential:”, he looked in his eyes and emphasized, “Never let Lando win any challenge for YouTube! Ever! Or you’ll never hear the end of it and will want to shoot yourself in the head”

“Oh”, Oscar frowned, surprised, “Okay?”

“And there’s this cooker, Bradley, he always has some hidden secret Vegemite in the kitchen. He’ll share if you ask nicely.”

“Noted”, with a thankful smile.

“And if you want some stuff for your motorhome, don’t ask Andrea, ask Sandra, she’s the one who treats the drivers like her own children. And if the car-”

“Hey!”

They both turned startled to see Eleonor had approached, holding Nate, and they both were soaked with salt water and skins kissed from the sun. She had a funny expression on her face, curious and careful.

“Oh, hi!” Daniel smiled.

“We came to check if our ice creams hadn’t melted”, she pointed out, eyebrows slightly up, but the corner of her lip was curving up.

Daniel gasped, he had completely forgotten.

“Oh, sorry. I was…” He motioned loosely, pointing at his fellow countryman, “Catching up with my mate here”.

“Hello, Oscar”, she smiled politely, a bit guarded.

“Hello”, he smiled back.

And Daniel made his quick Ice Cream order, gaining and distributing them to his apparently starving wife and son. After one messy lick at his strawberry scoop, Nate asked to get back to the water.

“All right, we need to get going”, he explained to Oscar, a little apologetic but with that ‘you know how it is’ look. “You’ll be fine”.

He assured Oscar with a firm nod of his head.

Oscar opened his mouth but didn’t answer the right way. Instead, he glanced towards Els and then Nate and smiled back at them.

“You too”.

+++

For the first time in ten years, Daniel didn’t have anything to do on the week after Abu Dhabi.

It was a weird feeling, that made him wake up at sunrise and stare at the ceiling for long silent minutes. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear the buzzing in the nearby track. The Monday after Abu Dhabi had a very specific routine, a lighthearted prep for the next year. If you switched teams, you received new kits, took a few pics, and had the urgent seat fit on the day before going on break. If you had an ongoing contract you had strategy meetings, promo shooting, and sponsors events. Neither was his case. So, for the first time in ten years, he was coming back home on a Monday.

He was weird with all the routine of it. So he slept through the whole flight, a bittersweet feeling on his stomach on leaving the Paddock not knowing if he’d come back one day to race again.

They arrived home late a night and went all straight to bed. The next morning, Eleonor woke him up with a kiss on the shoulder and a soft whisper.

“Honey, I’m going to work.”

Daniel’s exhausted and sleepy brain only managed to nod and mumble a nonsense positive response.

“I’ll drop Nate at school, all right?” She smelled so nice. That sweet perfume she has used for years now. It made Daniel smile. Eleanor chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Have sweet dreams, shaggy.”

With the house all to himself, Daniel felt just like Paul Rudd in the second Ant-Man, lost to everything and nothing in some sort of endless confinement.

He drank coffee. Watched the recording of Ancient Aliens. Received an Amazon delivery that weighed just like the new Charles Dickens luxury edition Penguin collection. He cried a bit while eating burnt toast, thinking about the baby they had lost, the career he had thrown away, and, eventually, even the burnt toast. Then Eleonor texted asking if he was already up. When he pulled himself together and answered a yes, she replied:

ELS: I’m bringing home lunch
ELS: just wait 20 min

That managed to set him in motion a bit.

And then he went to the veranda to grab some air and smiled to himself in surprise.

+++

“Sorry for the delay, I was harassed by my crazy students in the parking lot…” Eleonor screamed as she shut the front door and went to take her shoes off. “Can you believe they are already going nuts about the Finals?! And here I was, thinking we’d have Christmas first. But, look!”

She approached him in the living room: hair tugged in a loose ponytail, cardigan wrapped around her waist, a smug smile on her lips, and two plastic bags with the big red logo.

“I got lucky and bought that special burger from that trashy point on the beach. Ta-da! To celebrate our 3 hours alon…” The words died in her mouth as she finally stopped to acknowledge Daniel standing right in front of the veranda door. “What are you doing?”

He was trying, he really was trying, to not look overexcited but, from her furrowed brows and squinting eyes, he knew he failed terribly, hands suspiciously crossed behind his back and feet bouncing on the place.

“Are you hiding a kitten or something?” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Better!” He bit back a giggle. Because oh my God. He had to make a really great effort to not call her earlier and ask her to run home.

“Oh my…” her expression was, at the same time, hesitant and terrified.

“Close your eyes!”

“Dan…”

“Come on”, he approached her, beaming, to give her a quick welcoming kiss on the forehead and to take the bags from her hands and place them on the coffee table. “It's worth it, I promise. Just close your eyes and come here. Pretty please.”

She eyed him suspiciously but Daniel took her hand in his tentatively.

“If this is for one of your adrenaline videos…”

“It's not”, he laughed, “I swear.”

She pressed her lips together. Daniel's smile widened.

“Fine”, and she closed her eyes.

“Yay! Okay, just, this way”, he guided her forward, not even bothering to sound too excited, “And- Right... Here. Yep.”

They stopped at the veranda, to the view of the bright harbor and the cold winter sun.

“We literally just took 5 steps…” She giggled, amused.

“You're so not ready for this”, he placed his hands on her arms to adjust her body on the perfect angle, so she could have the best view possible.

Her face turned suddenly serious again.

“Daniel, I swear, if you give me a jump scare…”

“I'm not! Okay. Here it goes.” He checked it once more and, yes, that was perfect, “Open your eyes!”

He half-said and half-sang in excitement, moving to the side to let her see it all. She poked one eye out first, almost afraid of a prank, but then she noticed it: the plants. Or, better, the plant.

It had grown. Under the blue midday sky, it looked healthy and full of perspective, despite being just a horrendous and tiny glint of sticks and mini leaves. Eleonor gawked at them. Pure shock.

“No…” She muttered, without believing it

“Yes!” Daniel beamed at her.

She let out a shaky laugh. Held her hand up to his chest, maybe to hold herself in place, and then covered her mouth to muffle a cry. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and the biggest smile on her face, as if she was about to burst into a rainbow.

“No! Way!”

“Yeah…” Daniel looked at her in awe, eyes all on her face memorizing it. He didn't want to miss a second of that reaction.

Then she was laughing and crying and jumping in excitement and hugging him and jumping at him. And wow.

“Oh my God! It- it grew! I can't believe it! It just- it's just- Oh my god! “

The plant was as tall as a pinky finger.

“It's beautiful.”

He didn't remember the last time she was so happy before. It was worth more than any trophy in the world.

She kneeled in front of it to examine it better, fingers touching the delicate leaves.

“What do you think is the difference this time?”

“Time”, he muttered, crouching down by her side. “And maybe how we sang Chance The rapper to it before Abu Dhabi.”

She looked at him thoughtfully, her eyes were still shiny but there were no tears anymore. Just pure gratitude and excitement.

She hugged his arm and pulled him closer.

“I think you should name it”, she announced, nodding firmly with certainty.

Daniel’s heart raced in his chest, not prepared for that.

“Me?”

“Yeah. It's an honor, okay? I'm giving you the right to be creative and... a bit unhinged about it.”

“Oh”, he laughed, throwing his head back, “Oh, wait. You can't just drop this on my lap like this, I need some preparation. Put some thought on it.”

She squinted.

“What?”
“There are endless options!” He said, was it not obvious? “Groot? Lorax? Just Plant? Lil Sebastian?”

She clicked her tongue, exhaling as if regretting it.

“Okay, forget it.”

“No, my lady”, he shook the arm she was still holding, nudging her side with his elbow, “You can't take this back from me. Ever.”

“I wanna get old with you, Daniel Ricciardo”, she said, out of the blue.

He smiled back, fondly, brushing a strain of her hair behind her ear, trying to keep his cool.

“Funny, I thought we had already agreed on that.”

“I know”, the gentle affection remained on her expression. “I'm just reassuring it.”

“All right”, he nodded, as if it was up for discussion. “I guess I'm cursed with your presence forever.”

“Yes, you are”, she snuggled closer, head on his shoulder as she mused on her fantasy about the future. “And when we're grey and old I'll stroll your wheelchair down the park at full speed to remind you of your racing days. And you'll make me watch the Minions movie with you, and I will because we’ll both be retired and I'll have nothing better to do. Then you'll make me coffee while I read Ulisses and regret not getting more tattoos when I was younger. And then I'll tell you this when you come to serve the coffee and say ‘I told you so’.”

“Alrighty”, he chuckled, earning him a proud grin, “I’m ready for that”.

+++

[ [ 3 YEARS LATER ] ]

“What are you doing?” Jenson asked, stopping behind him with an inquisitive expression and a cup of coffee.

“Shh”, Daniel tried not to pay attention to him, hands glued on the car’s hood, “We’re having a moment here.”

The white and gray machine was beautiful, the metal was cold to the touch, resting in wait to do its work. Just like him, Porsche’s last years of glory happened before 2020. That alone was enough to give them a special connection, but lately, he has been feeling a special connection to the car. Like in Herbie: Loaded.

“We’ll get this, buddy”, he whispered and tapped the hood, nodding to himself.

He could practically hear Jenson rolling his eyes behind him.

“Ooh, coffee!” Mick’s happy voice joined them as he strolled in the garage, backpack slung over his shoulders, “What are you two doing? Having a break this early?”

“Daniel’s being weird about the car again.”

“I’m not being weird!” He shot back, turning to look at them with his arms crossed defensively, “I’m keeping our lucky charm, we’ve got a connection here.”

“Mate”, Jenson arched a brow at him as if he was crazy, “That’s crazy. It’s just a car.”

“Lucky charm?” Mick scowled, confused.

“All right, all right”, Daniel took a step away from their winning vehicle, satisfied with the few minutes alone he had before being interrupted, “Let’s not jinx it, okay? Let’s do… something else.”

Jenson groaned over his plastic cup of dark coffee.

“Ugh, it’s too early to go to engineering…”

“And too late to rest”, Daniel conceded with a nod, “Not that we’d be able to do it, anyway.”

His teammates shared an agreeing look, for sure filled with too much adrenaline as well.

"So what do we do then?" Mick questioned.

"Well…” Jense cocked his head to the side, thinking, “We still have fair hours until we need to get some job done."

"Hours?” Mick’s eyes shone with excitement, “Enough for…”

"A round of FIFA?” Daniel completed with half of a smirk, “I think so.”

The three of them exchanged a childish look, serious and full of hidden mischief. Daniel was the first one to set himself on his feet, Mick and Jenson's driver reflexes sending them after him in a millisecond as they rushed towards the resting room upstairs to do what they had been doing before the last races: having a bit of fun.

+++

They won the 24h Hours of Le Mans.

It was unreal because the Daniel from a year ago would never have imagined he would do it (as much as the Daniel from a week ago, but never mind). But above anything, it was fun.

There was so much confetti and music, and the Sun was shining so bright as they rode on the top of their champion car in the middle of the roaring crowd on their way to the podium. Despite being awake for a handful of hours, Daniel felt his body pulsing with electricity, giving him enough energy to lean and high-five the fans.

At some point amid the festive chaos, a journalist asked him something he didn’t quite get (partly because Nate had appeared out of nowhere climbing his arm, and Daniel had to pick him up, afraid to lose him in the crowd), so he tried again.

“What?” He leaned closer to the mic as if it would give him a clearer message.

“How is it to be the second-ever driver to win the Triple Crown of Motorsport?”

Daniel blinked. What the actual hell.

“I’m what?!” He shouted, out of surprise and because of all the crazy noise around them.

The journalist took one second to understand he was genuinely shocked at hearing this and then he laughed.

“Daniel Ricciardo, you're the second-ever driver to win the Triple Crown of Motorsport! Congratulations!”

Daniel gasped. It made sense, he had a great time at Indianapolis last year but… he never actually thought… and Monaco so many years ago… Holy fuck!

Holy-

“Fuck!” He gaped again, his winning smile broke into a grin, and looked around, searching. Longing. “I need to…”

He heard the journalist congratulate him again but only very far away as he was already sent in motion quickly, adrenaline electrifying his body as he pushed through the crowd, feeling a tap on the back here and there until he found his family, all smiling and talking and turning at him the second he approached them.

“I won the Triple Crown!” He announced as a greeting.

They all turned to him in a combination of confused and surprised looks.

“What!” His father was the first one to grasp it, eyes shining with astonishment.

“What?!” Eleonor was the next, in a screaming laugh, grabbing his face and smacking a kiss against his cheek.

“Oh my God!” It was his Michelle shaking the shoulders of their mother, too shocked to say anything.

And if things couldn’t get any more partying, they did.

After endless podium celebrations, they all parted ways to get ready for the actual party that would happen in the hotel – the one with no kids and a lot of booze.

God, Daniel felt a bit old sometimes these times, when there were days when he gave up his workout routine to stay slouched in front of the TV or even after shorter races when he usually left the celebrations right as his obligations ended. But not that day, no.

That day, his heart was almost jumping out of his throat with too much happiness, and his cheeks were hurt from the much he had smiled. That day, he was the second driver in the history of the world to win the Triple Crown of motorsport, so he acted like it, and he drank like it, and he danced like it, and, at the very end of the night, he kissed his wife like it.

They had been lucky Nate went to sleep with his parents, leaving their room wide free for them to enter stumbling somewhere around 2 or 3 in the morning, laughing when they couldn’t get their shoes off so smoothly and when Daniel, a little too drunk, struggled even with the door lock.

Els covered her mouth with her hand to muffle a burst of laughter, which was honestly useless considering all the noise they’d made out of the elevator. Daniel would have laughed too if he wasn’t so lost in his own lust in desire, capturing her mouth in his once again as soon as he had the chance, making their lips crash together in a choreography he knew like the back of his hand.

They were a mess of limbs and missed steps, but somehow he got some control to hold her waist and put her on the bed as gently as he could. However, when he did, her expression turned stone-cold serious and she glared at him with flames in her eyes.

“You’re not seriously giving up on rough sex just because I’m a little tiny pregnant?” She accused, feral.

Daniel blinked, having acted unconsciously.

“No!” Daniel quickly corrected himself, adjusting his body over hers to emphasize his intention, “No, my apologies.”

She had this adorable little pout on her face, it made Daniel smirk and giggle before pressing his lips on her cheek. Then on her jaw, down on her neck, and down on the skin above her chest saying hello from where her shirt was unbuttoned.

“Let me kiss it better, uh?” He murmured, voice hoarse and low against her skin.

At the message, her fingers curled up at the nape of his neck and, as simple as this, they were back at it again.

And Daniel was careful to not be too careful, although something inside him roared like a protective instinct that not even all the alcohol and randiness in the world could drown. Because it was so new.

It had happened just a little over a month before, Daniel had arrived home from a morning jog and found only Nate in the living room playing a video game.

"Hey, buddy." He had greeted after taking out his headphones and sneakers, earning him only a sideways glance and a loose nod, "Where's your mom?"

Nate thought for a moment, pausing the game to answer.

"In the bathroom."

And he went back to the game, concentrated. It was one of those moments that made Daniel completely in shock at how big he was, so he gave in to his intrusive thoughts and ran there to give him a sweaty wet hug. Nate giggled, trying to escape, and Daniel let him go only after huffling his hair.

"Honey, I'm home", he yelled to the corridor, before running upstairs to take a shower.

When he went back, however, there was still no sight of Els. He questioned Nate, who just shrugged (okay, still his baby), so Daniel resorted to checking by himself, going to the bathroom door and knocking softly.

No answer.

"Els? You in there?"

He was met with an intriguing silence that made him consider for half a minute.

"I'm gonna come in, alright?"

When there was no response, he turned the knob and opened the door carefully, peeking in before taking any liberty. It was a shock to find his wife crouched down on the ground, back against the wall, and knees pressed up to her chest.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He kneeled before her, careful and attentive, eyeing for any sign of what was wrong.

She nodded. He blinked.

"I think I'm pregnant"

It was such a foreign statement Daniel's brain took way too long to catch up. He blinked. Then he blinked again.

"Hm... how- I mean, why?"

"I had a feeling", she shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes, showing all he needed to understand she was terrified.

"Okay..." he forced himself to sound calm and collected, "So it's a supposition?"

"I made a test."

"Perfect. What did it say?"

"I don't know", she said and pointed to a white and blue stick on the sink that Daniel hadn't even noticed when entering, "I can’t look at it."

When she met his eyes, he got all nervous all of a sudden. It was terrifying. Nate was almost 7, they had a routine and lifestyle for 3, and they were used to it. Comfortable. Happy.

And still...

Still. Just the slightest chance of it changing, of having someone else in their little bubble of love, made Daniel’s breath hitch in his throat and his heartbeat triple its speed.

"Can you do it?" She whispered, barely audible, eyes full of worry.

His lungs inhaled much more air than he could. It seemed to fill him with courage.

"Of course", he nodded, making her eyes glisten in awe, "Sure. I totally can."

And before he thought too much about it, he reached up the sink and grabbed the test, only half of his brain registering how the message there could change that ordinary sunny Wednesday morning forever.

Maybe that was why he was expecting a big, confetti, party-like announcement written there instead of just two simple sticks. He furrowed his brows at it.

"What does it say?" Els asked, back stretching up.

"Uh", what a fool, he had no idea if that was positive or not, "It’s two sticks".

Eleonor’s eyes double-sized in shock and she covered her mouth with both hands, muffling a shuddered breath, while Daniel stared at her waiting for a clarification.

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God..." she whispered endlessly.

"What? What does it mean?"

"It's a yes..."

"A yes?" She nodded in confirmation, "Oh my God..."

"Exactly."

They stood in silence and Daniel was profoundly relieved to see she was as surprised as him. She bit her lip and his mouth moved before he could think about it.

"What are you thinking?"

She blinked and huffed a weak laugh.

"That I’m 35.”

Daniel laughed, for some reason, just because it seemed so out of topic.

“It’s considered a geriatric pregnancy, you know?” She fired at him, seeming more scared than angry.

Daniel couldn’t help, the smile just wouldn’t leave his face as the news started to settle. She stared at him, seeming to get his thoughts.

“What are you thinking?” She shot back.

A lot, he thought, but he said just the most important thing.

“That we’ll be okay”.

It seemed the right thing to say because it got him a teary smile from his wife. She scoffed a laugh, using the back of her hand (the one with the peed test) to wipe a tear or two before she threw herself at Daniel. He instantly hugged her tightly, kissing the top of her head while she nestled against his chest.

Different from the other two times, this pregnancy was so discreet. They hadn’t told literally anyone as they were still slowly wrapping their heads around it.

It was delicate. But not enough they couldn’t have fun once in a while, right?

And they were so invested that Daniel literally groaned when his phone started ringing loudly in the room.

“Ugh!” Els breathed out when he pulled away from a fierce kiss, her pupils dark with desire and her lips red and swollen, making Daniel far too hard in his underwear, “Go turn it off!”

It took her order to set him in motion, rolling to the side and reaching on the nightstand for the mobile. He was almost blindly turning it off when the name on the screen caught his attention.

“What?” Els popped up by his side, anxious, reading it over his shoulder, “Vasseur?”

Daniel furrowed his brows at the screen.

“He never called me. Ever.” He pointed out.

He looked over to her, asking for permission or maybe advice. She was already only in underwear, a sinful view a few minutes away from paradise. She groaned but nodded.

“Go on…” she nudged his back with her finger, “But hurry up.”

“‘Kay”, he turned back to give her a quick peck and laid back on the mattress to answer the call, putting it on speaker so she could hear it too, “Hello”.

“Hello, Daniel!”

“Fred, what’s up?”

“I just saw your win in Le Mans and wanted to call to congratulate you”, he sounded as happy as Daniel had ever seen him, “I have to say I’m very impressed, it was a very good race.”

“Thanks, man”, he answered honestly, but turned to give Els a look of ‘what the heck?’

She smiled in amusement, kissing his shoulder before lying by his side.

“I’m gonna go straight to the point because I know you must be quite busy right now…”

“Uh…” He swallowed an answer as Eleonor, naughty thing, was starting to slide her hand on his abdomen, slowly and provocatively sliding her fingers around and heading south, “Yep.”

“I just wanted to make sure I was the first one to call and say that you’ve been impressing us all very much lately. Today’s victory was surely the cherry on the cake, and it for sure will give you some space around here.”

His jaw fell. Eleonor’s hand stopped. Time seemed to freeze and it took him a long while to answer:
“Here?” Like an idiot.

“Yes, son”, Fred laughed, “In Ferrari.”

“Oh”, it was Daniel’s turn to laugh. He glanced sideways to share the reaction but Els was slowly rising up on her shoulders, watching attentively. “I appreciate it, Fred, really. But I’m kinda very loyal to Porshe, and…”

“No, Daniel. I mean in Formula 1.”

Daniel’s phone fell from his hand on the pillow. He seemed to get a shock and be the last one to understand it. Els sat up next to him, picked up the phone, and shoved it back into his hand with a glare.

“Uh…” he kinda snorted, nervous and surprised and happy and hesitant, “That’s unexpected.”

“I just wanted to make the offer and congratulate you! And to invite you here to Maranello for a nice talk.” Fred sounded pleased with himself, “I’m gonna leave to celebrate, but I’m gonna give you a call later, okay? This is really serious.”

Daniel swallowed, not quite grasping the reality of it. Going back to F1… after all this time, felt only like a childish dream.

Els nudged his side, and only then did he remember to answer.

“Thank you, I-” he cleared his throat when his voice came out too hoarse, “I appreciated it, Fred. Thank you.”

“See you soon, son!”

When the call ended, Daniel wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming. Perhaps he had drank too much and was transported to an alternative reality where everything was magical and shiny. Or maybe he was still sleeping and would wake up sweating before the 6 hours of Spa.

“Will you go?” Els’ voice took him back to reality.

She was sat by his side, brows shot up and eyes glistening with excitement. He reached up to touch her, hand sliding around her bare waist, her skin warm and soft and relaxed to his touch. She was real, that was real.

Daniel opened his mouth to give her an answer, only to realize he didn’t have one. How could he turn this down? And still. He read his wife's careful expression: you could, if you wanted. So instead of answering, he pointed out:

“Red Bull will also have a free seat next year.”

A phantom of a smirk graced her lips.

“I know.”

“I could be teammates with Max again.”

Her smile turned into something sweeter and softer, as her thumbs brushed off the side of his neck.

“I know…”

Daniel sighed. His body is still full of adrenaline from the last crazy 48 hours.

“You don't have to decide anything right now, you know.”

He nodded, thankful for her resilience and strength. He pulled her by her waist to lay back on his side, clinging for comfort and for something he knew he had made right. Because, if life had taught Daniel something, was that nothing was too bad it couldn’t get worse.

And nothing was too good it couldn’t get better.

Therefore:

“I know what I want”, he decided, resolute.

“Yeah?” She prompted, looking up at him with sweet delight.

He nodded firmly and dead serious, looking her right in the eye.

“Baby, all through the night I'll make love to you…” He started singing, dramatically. Eleonor threw her head back, laughing, “Like you want me to! And I will not let g-”

She shut his beautiful performance up with a deep kiss. He brought his hand up to cup her cheek and let his mind get lost in the moment. All the free seats could wait until next morning.

+++

Two weeks later, they drove from Monaco to Bologna for Nate's round in the Italian National under-10 Championship. He slept all the way there, while Eleonor read some students' thesis on the passenger seat and Daniel finally was left unbothered to listen to the new Mouse Rat album, singing Bye Bye Lil Sebastian under his breath.

On Saturday morning, among the dozens of European competitors, Nate finished in third place, hair soaking wet and smiling while hugging a trophy almost twice his size. To celebrate, they went to eat Gelatos and Pizza, run around pigeons on the Piazza, and throw coins on an old waterfont, making wishes.

“I wish for a TV in my room”, Nate signed, with a mischievous glance towards Daniel, before jumping to throw his coin in the water.

He looked down at it before coming back with an horrified look.

"I forgot one", he handed his hand up and Daniel gave him another coin, “And I want a puppy”.

Eleonor laughed at his smug face before going on with her turn.

“Well, I wish you two liked museums so we could explore the city in the right way”.

Nate laughed at her smug face now. Then they both looked up at Daniel with waiting expressions, and Daniel knew it was a silly thing, a touristic trick, but still. Still, his mind went blank. He couldn't think of anything he wished for. A happy family? Good days? To win more races? To get a better team than McLaren? A nice house with his trophies on the wall, history books on the shelf and hot wheels all over the carpets? He already had it all.

He cleared his throat.

"Well. I wish to, once in my life, beat Nate-Nate at Rocket League."

Another round of sweet laughter, a silly thing that made his heart triple size and put that day in a collection of many others as sweet and loving.

They still got moments of pain and grief — of course they did. Days of crying while hiding in the laundry room, unreasonable angry snaps during dinner, emotional whispered discussions late at night. It is still the hardest thing they ever did, But they have learned how to not push each other away in troubling times. In the end, it’s all that matters.

After lunch, Eleonor and Nate went to meet Ferrari Land while Daniel got a meeting with Fred Vasseaur.

A bit more than a year later, he became a Formula 1 World Champion.

Chapter Text

"Hello, everyone. My name is Daniel and I am the father of these little thunders here”, he let a smile slip, pointing loosely to the twins with matching grins on the chairs next to him. They simply couldn’t sit still and that was so funny to him. “That you know as Sofia and Sienna. And I am a race car driver.”

“You, you…” Sofi raised her hand, on the edge of her seat, “You drive really fast cars?”

“Yes, that’s right.” He nodded. He wondered how Els did it the time she took them to work.

“Like Uncle Maxie!” Sienna said, raising her hand right after.

“Yes”, Daniel glanced at Max, sitting in the line of parents waiting for their turns by the window, who was watching with a bemused smile, “Me and Uncle Maxie have very similar jobs, which is crazy, no?”

Max huffed a laugh, his youngest daughter was just two years younger than the girls. They had agreed beforehand on trying to divide the topics for their presentation, so Daniel proceeded as so, eloquently.

“In motorsport, it’s what is called by the way, there are many different types of rac-, uh, yes, Sienna?”

“You have big, bright trophies?” She looked at him with shining eyes, as if sharing a secret.

“I do, a few”, Daniel held back a giggle, “And Uncle Maxie has a few more than I. And they are from the many different…”, another raised hand, “Yes, Sofi?”

“Mommy has a trophy today?”

Daniel couldn’t help but smile, along with the giggles of the other parents. It all reminded him of way back when Nate had his first Professions Day, and once again his opinion remained: it was just fun entertainment for the parents.

“Yeah, it’s. It’s like a trophy, we can say”, he started to consider but then remembered that wasn’t the point, “But we’ll talk about it later, sweetie, all righ- Hi, you.”

In a blink of an eye, Sienna jumped out from her chair and ran to Daniel’s side, muttering to him to crouch down so she would tell him something. Daniel sighed, sharing a look with the other parents who laughed in amusement. But he couldn’t mask the adoration in his eyes as he did just as his daughter told him.

“Daddy”, she whispered in his ear, “Sofi messed Mommy’s surprise…”

And there was genuine concern about her expression, so much so that Daniel didn’t fight the urge to rub a soothing hand on her back.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, the surprise is still all setup, okay?”

She nodded but didn’t leave his side as Daniel stood up again.

“Well, as I was saying…”, he started again but was interrupted as his youngest one jumped out from her chair and strolled to stand on his side as well, jumping to grab his hand. He didn’t even bother to hide his smile. “Racing cars is very fun, but not, by far, as fun as having two bunnies like these ones here.”

The room erupted in laughter as he felt two identical hugs on each side of his body.

+++

In the end, Eleonor's surprise was a bit messed up actually. Instead of meeting them after class, like he was supposed to, Nate invented some extra training at the school’s pool, which led the three of them to wait on the patio for a handful of minutes before Daniel noticed he wasn’t showing up and had to go after him. To make it worse, Sofi cried every time Daniel didn’t let her go into the pool and it took them some extra time to calm her down.

If that wasn’t enough unforeseen events, they were met with a giant line in the bake shop.

“No…” Daniel lamented, opening the bakery’s door to find about twenty people already waiting. Was it everyone’s birthday or something? “No, no, no…”

“Oh-oh”, Nate followed his eyes to the line and scowled, unhappy.

“Yeah”, Daniel frowned and looked at his watch: they had a miserable 10 minutes. “All right, girls, can you sit to wait over the-”

But they were already sprinting to the cabinets on the side, the ones filled with donuts and cupcakes, as known as every kid’s dream and every parent’s nightmare.

“Great”, he sighed, tapping Nate on the back and heading to the end of the line, his humble receipt in his free hand.

“What a shame the girls aren’t babies anymore”, Nate commented, seeming to share his frustration.

“Why?” Daniel furrowed his brows.

Nate shrugged as if it was obvious. His hair was still a bit damp from the pool, his skin tanned from all the open roof competitions he had been on the last summer.

“You and Mom always went to the beginning of the line when they were babies”, he seemed thoughtful, remembering the fact but not quite the reason behind it.

“Yeah…” Daniel lamented. But then… Then he looked at his girls, nearby choosing cupcakes and giggling in secrecy between themselves, and it clicked. “No, Nate. They are babies!”

Nate looked at him as if he had gone crazy.

“Hey! You made them go with me to the park because they were not babies anymore!”

“Well, now they are, come on!”

Daniel moved fast before anyone could notice his plan in the making. He made Nate carry Sofi (with a deep matching scowl on their faces), while he picked up Sienna, all after promising them they could have chocolate cake for dinner if they cooperated.

“Sorry… Oops, Sorry. If you could just excuse us, please”, he muttered to the impatient people on the line, clearing the way to the cashier.

He jumped on the way after the first person on the line left, giving the lady behind the balcony his big bright celebrity grin.

“Hello! I’m here to pick up a cake”, he proudly slid his receipt in front of her.

She glanced behind them, at the angry muttering from the line.

“What some cuties you got there…” She commented, a bit suspicious, “How old are they?”

“Two!” Daniel said.

“Three!” Sienna and Sofia happily announced at the same time.

“Two”, he nervously laughed, cradling Sienna’s head against his chest as if she was a baby. “They are just anxious about turning three, that’s all. Right, Nate?”

Nate was watching with a scrunched nose. When Daniel sent him a pointed look, he shifted his expression to an unsure smile and nodded to the cashier.

She didn’t seem to believe, but luckily she didn’t care enough to fight. Therefore, five minutes later, they were hoping back in the car

“Alright, kids, buckle up!” He announced once the engine was on, “This is the moment all my years of racing had prepared me for!”

Because the bakery that had Els’ favorite chocolate cake was on the other side of town. And despite Monaco being really tiny, it could become tricky and too curvy if you were late. But they managed to get home just in time, at least… he peaked through the door to the silent living room. Yes, no sign of Els yet.

“Okay, go, go, go!”

They all ran straight to the kitchen in a mess of giggles and school bags being thrown to the side. Daniel carefully placed the cake on the center of the kitchen counter as his three miniatures hopped on the chairs.

“We forgot the candles!” Sofi signed, alarmed.

“We don’t need candles, silly”, Nate signed back by her side, “It’s not a birthday party!”

Her lips pouted down, offended.

“Daddy, Nate called me silly!”

“In an affectionate way!” He defended himself, and, before Daniel could even intervene: “Sorry, bugs.”

He went to give her an apologetic kiss on the cheek but she scooted away.

“I’m not a bug!”

“Who’s a b-u-g?” Sienna frowned, confused.

Just as they were about to launch themselves into a vivid discussion on etymology, there was the sound of keys opening the front door.

“Hey, stop!” He caught their attention, signing in absolute silence, “Your mom is here. Let’s do as we rehearsed, right?”

They nodded in secrecy, crouching a bit behind the big chocolate cake. Daniel went to stand behind them, equally, if not more, electric with excitement.

“Hello?” Els’ voice came from the corridor, curious about if anybody was home yet.

The kids covered their mouths to suppress amused giggles. Daniel mouthed a muted “shh” to them before answering:

“In the kitchen!”

He listened as the footsteps approached slowly and, in the second Els appeared on the kitchen’s door…

“Surprise!” They screamed as in unison as they could, all grinning and celebrating as if it was New Year. The kids clapped and Daniel even let out a celebratory whistle.

“What!” Eleonor gasped, eyes moving between them and the cake on the counter, a surprised smile growing on her face. “You guys! What is that? Oh my God!”

The three of them glanced back at Daniel, who nodded in reassurance, and they looked back at her to say:

“Congratulations on your, thesis!” In somewhat unison. But each one of them at different speeds and tones and volumes of excitement, which made Els laugh in astonishment.

“Oh, look at this”, she cooed, smile impossibly bigger, as she started to go over the counter, looking at the cake with the topping saying: “Smartest mother in the world?! You didn’t…”

“We did!” Nate profoundly announced, his voice a bit throaty and hoarse. Just perfect.

Eleonor stopped for a moment to smile at them and, if Daniel didn’t know her all too well, he’d think she might be on the verge of crying. It made him hide a smile while she went to hug and kiss the cheeks of each one of them with exaggerated affection, muttering endless thank you’s.

Daniel waited patiently for his turn when she mindlessly slid an arm around his waist, a hand rubbing his back just as Sienna leaned to try to put her finger in the buttercream, and Nate asked if they could eat now.

“Uh, have you guys had lunch yet?” Els arched a brow at them, who looked at Daniel in a silent ask for help.

“No”, he answered, bumping their waists together playfully, “Because we’re going out to a special restaurant to celebrate!”

So they erupted in claps and Yays and chants of ‘Cake! Cake! Cake!’. Eleonor shot Daniel an all-knowing glance before moving to grab some plates and start the cutting. Soon, each one of them was over the counter with generous pieces of chocolate cake.

That was the cue Daniel took to slide to Els’ side, wiggling his eyebrows.

“So?” he asked.

She licked her spoon full of chocolate and winked at him.

“Guess what?”

And he could guess without much thinking.

“Summa Cum Laude?” he guessed, getting closer to her.

She nodded, proudly, and there was that tiny blush of red over her cheeks, like she couldn’t believe it herself.

“Really?” Daniel gasped, not quite surprised but surprised as well, his heart triple-sizing with pride when she nodded. “That’s my girl.”

And he was smiling so close to her own mouth, trying to think with his head when she bit her lip for a fraction of a second before she nodded. And, because they had grown outnumbered by the kids under their roof, they had learned to be sneaky and discreet, exchanging dirty promises with glances instead of words – but it was more than enough.

So Daniel leaned in to give her a kiss, a quick brush of lips that Els deepened for a moment, before pulling back. A promise for later.

They shared a look and went back to their cakes just as Sienna announced, happily and out of the blue:

“When I wanna make a thesis, like Mamãe!”
Els smiled at her, proudly.

“You sure will, love.”

“I wanna race fast cars like Daddy…” Sofi said, thoughtfully. There was a lot of chocolate on her nose and the corner of her mouth.

“And I want to be the best swimmer in the entire world!” Nate completed, resolute, “Like Ian Thorpe!”

“Wow, look at this”, Els laughed, “What a wonderful thing that everyone knows what they want.”

“And you, Mommy?” Sofi asked her, eyes shining.

“Hm…” She bit her lip while thinking for a moment, “Ah! I know: I want a very well-deserved vacation with our amazing trip to Rio for Nate's championship!”

The kitchen erupted in cheers and celebration as the three kids had been waiting for that trip for months! They all then turned shiny honey eyes at Daniel, expecting his turn on the quest.

“And you, Dad?” Nate smiled at him.

"Oh…" Daniel hummed in surprise.

His mind went blank, as everything he could ever want was right in front of him. A delicious chocolate cake, two little girls with too much energy, a boy that made his heart explode with so much pride, and... He glanced up at his wife, who was smiling at him with expectancy as well. Someone who had gone through hell and back with him and was still there.

This was everything he had ever wanted.

"I want a puppy!" He said, instead, lightly.

The kids then celebrated in a mixture of unbelieving Yay’s and "This is the best day ever!", as Els shot him a shocked and betrayed look.

"Sorry", he muttered only to her.

But she didn’t seem to be actually mad as she rolled her eyes and came closer to drop a kiss on his shoulder, going back to her cake as the sweet familiar mess unfolded around them.

+++

Later that night, they snuggled in bed, naked and breathless, letting the wind coming from the beach blow through the window and the comfortable silence stretch after what had been a very happy day.

Daniel loved it, having to lay there with his wife draped over his side with one arm slung over his chest, her fingers reaching over to trace the tattoo on his forearm. He could feel her drowsing off by his side, as he had one hand running on her hair. He could spend a million days like this and never get tired of it.

“I was thinking of something…” He whispered in the dark.

“Uh-oh”, Els muttered back, a smile in her voice.

“I’m serious”, he slid a finger to her neck, tickling.

“Fine”, she laughed until he stopped, “Go on.”

“I think we should go to Greece.”

“Hm. Sure…”

He pulled back to have a clearer look at her face: she had the ghost of a smirk on her lips, eyelids heavy with sleep, and a glance full of adoration at him. She thought he was joking.

“I’m not joking”, he clarified, serious.

Her expression shifted into surprised widened eyes and a mouth slightly agape.

“Dan…” she cooed, a bit astonished, “We can’t just go to Greece.”

“Why not?”

He arched a brow at her, she opened her mouth but failed to provide an answer. He was right on this one: they had worked hard to create a lifestyle that allowed them to have adventures like this, it would be a crime not to go for it.

“Well.” She said after a long while, “Nate has the prep for Indianapolis. And the girls have school, it’s spring!”

“Good, 'cause we won’t take them”, he shrugged, earning a laugh from her.

“Wait…” her smile turned somewhat guarded, careful, and in awe, “You mean… we as in you and me?”

He nodded, solemnly, bringing his hand up to caress her bare shoulder, then brushing a strand of hair out of her beautiful face. Eleonor breath hitched when his fingers went to the lower of her back.

“I could say it’s to celebrate your second Ph.D., but I actually just want to have you al to myself for a bit.”

Daniel was really serious about it, biting his tongue to prevent him from crashing their lips together once again, waiting for her answer instead. Watching, mesmerized by the way she swallowed, nervous, and how she glanced up at his eyes, bringing her thumb to run on the side of his jaw.

“We could go to Skopelos”, she whispered, as if the message was too delicate to be said out loud, thumb running over his stubble, “That is… If you’re keen on being trapped on a lone beach with just me?”

She meant to provoke, he could see, but it was a lost battle. That was like music to his ear.

“What! That’s literally what I’ve asked Santa on Christmas. How did you guess?”

She laughed at his silly joke. It made Daniel think there was no sweetest accomplishment in the whole world, and he secretly wondered if he could make his existence around it: making her laugh like his.

“Weirdo”, she joked, giving him a quick loving peck.

“You weirdo”, he corrected, going after her mouth once again but stopping when she put a finger over his lips.

“Okay. Let’s go”, she agreed.

Daniel let out a breath. Relieved for the acceptance, excited for the holidays, and shocked at how a moron like this could have won the lottery of marriage like this. This time, when he went to kiss her, she didn’t stop him, smiling against his lips.

It made Daniel silently pleased to have found a new form of love: surprise trips on cinematic island. He mentally stored that alongside late-night small talking in the kitchen, ugly sobbing on hotel bathroom floors, the terrible snoring coming from a deregulated sleep schedule after traveling around the world to help one another. It was the quarreling over the smallest stuff, and the sharing of infinite happiness over the smallest stuff too. It was the little garden they had grew together on their veranda.

He was sure of that every time Eleonor smiled at him wholeheartedly like this.

And it made him happy that love like this could happen to everyone. Even goofy, sunshine Formula 1 drivers, and adventurous, loving history researchers.

+++

[ [ FOURTEEN YEARS BEFORE, LONDON ] ]

“Eleonor Campos…” Daniel mused, mouth agape in shock, “What are you doing here?”

She blinked, not quite believing he was there, stopping in her tracks abruptly from her walk on the campus.

“I go here”, she panned, “What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, nonchalant.

“Thinking about starting a course, wanted to see if they had some special treatment for world-class celebrities. Nobody asked for an autograph until now, so I guess not…”

The second part was true, the first one was not. Daniel had to drive there following a silly thread of hope that, upon seeing his adorable face in person, she would finally the message he had been trying to send by phone.

However, clever as always, she understood his plan and tried, sadly, to decline his invitation once again.

“Listen”, she stopped in her tracks, sighing in defeat and proceeding to explain to him something she didn’t seem sure about, “You are a young athlete, who travels the world and has lots of fun…”

“That’s true!”

“But I’m not… like this. I study and sleep and work, and… I’m just…”, she made a face that could be a grimace or an apologetic smile. “Boring.”

“Hey!” He protested with a frown as if she had just offended his mother, “You’re not boring! We had a lot of fun that day.”

It was secretly the most fun night he had in years, that had sent him home the other day with a fool smile on his face that made him look like an idiot, but he wouldn’t give the game away like this. It was bad enough his friends made fun of him for days.

“Yeah, that…” She rubbed a hand over his face, embarrassed, “Was an exception.”

He arched a brow and smirked at her.

“I am your exception?”

Eleonor groaned, clearly out of the patient teacher mode and back at the chaotic latina one, closing her hands in frustrating fists.

“Just one date? Just one!” He rushed to say before she could come up with another excuse, she made a face and he knew just what she was about to say, so he intervened: “Not a date, I know. Just… two friends hanging out and having a bit of fun. Uh?”

Instead of denying, she pressed her lips in a thin line, surveying him. It gave Daniel that adrenaline-pounding feeling of hope.

“Come on…” he winked at her, attempting to be charming, “I’m not that bad, am I?”

She didn’t really smile, but she bit her lower lip in a poor attempt to hide her amusement. He won the lottery and wouldn’t waste it.

“Friday night? How does that sound?”

“I can’t”, she crossed her arms as if to point out ‘I told you so’, infuriatingly, “I have a Pannel on Cambrdige and I’ll be sleeping there.”

“Saturday then?” he hoped.

“Can’t… I’m giving mandatory classes for the undergrads all day.”

“Sunday?”

She actually looked sorry this time.

“It’s the last day I have to finish the semester’s graded paper.”

He opened his mouth to say Monday but realized that he would be going to Melbourne.

She looked at him with a bit of pity and a bit more sadness, expecting to see what he would do. She didn’t know Daniel enough to know he wouldn’t give up on that. And he had an idea.

“What are you doing right now?”

She cocked her head a bit to the side.

“Now?”

“Yes, at this very moment.”

“Uh…” she looked at him as if he was a completely different person, “I was going to stop by the coffee shop and then head to the library.”

“Perfect!” Daniel announced with glee, “Then I am going to accompany you on your way to the coffee shop and then to the library. Miss.”

She laughed, actually laughed this time, before realizing he wasn’t joking.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

“No, I’m Daniel.”

“Ha!” Another flash of a smile. He was getting dangerously addicted to it. “All right. If you say so. Weirdo…”

He smiled proudly to himself, clasping his hands behind his back like an English gentleman and walking by her side to the coffee shop.

Daniel couldn’t help but enjoy himself deeply, looking at it all like a big adventure. Meanwhile, Eleonor kept giving sideway glances as she seemed to try to puzzle him out.

“I’m a very handsome guy and a national treasure”, he pointed out when he got her eye at some point on the way, “That’s what people say about me. Very pleasant to look at, you know.”

Her lips curved up and she rolled her eyes. Daniel nervously hoped he was making a good impression.

For the very last few weeks, he had been casually asking her to hang out with him again. They had a one-night thing, it was amazing, they parted ways, whatever. But it had been nice. Because she was fun and prone to adventures, to dance on top of pub tables and ask for a kiss as a reward for winning darts.

She had given Daniel her number. However, for some unknown irony of destiny, she had been having a hard time believing he wanted to see her again. She answered his texts with good-humored replies, sent him funny cat videos, and joked about the news that came out about him and the pre-season. Apart from that, she didn’t get the hints.

So Daniel had to take some drastic measures – going to college.

He made up to his promise and walked her to the coffee shop and the library, but it wasn’t, by far, as long as he wanted to, so he took an extra step and sat with her on a table between some giant bookshelves.

Eleonor opened a giant book at some specific page, grabbed a highlighter, and started reading. Daniel watched her. After half a page, she looked up at him.

“What are you doing?”

“What are you doing, this is a date”, he crossed his arms over his chest, “You should, you know, spark conversation…”

She stared at him in pure shock. Daniel remained stoic.

“Oh!” A lamp lit up above his head, “I know a topic: how on Earth are you so good at darts?”

The question was ordinary, but it made Eleonor’s cheek instantly scarlet, so much Daniel raised an eyebrow, suddenly more than just curious.

“Oh.” She hesitated.

“There’s a story to that?” He smiled, wondering what it might be.

There was a story to that, one that involved her in high school, being a class leader, and then being impeached. A plot twist of her joining a group of rebels who did darts as a way of dealing with teenage anger or something. When she finished, Daniel had a grin on his face.

“I don’t believe it…”

“Yes, I have a past”, she nodded, not seeming pleased but she had pushed her book away. “Come on, school makes us go a bit insane, doesn’t it?”

“Ah, I don’t think so…” Daniel faked some cockiness, stretching his arms over his head.

“Because you were such a perfect student?” She deadpanned.

“Excuse me? I was, yes. The favorite of all the teachers in all the, uh, county and”, he trailed off as she arched a brow at him, “Okay. I missed most classes to go karting but!”

She laughed and the time passed too fast.

Daniel went on some tales about his own teenage days, which somehow turned into him talking about Australia. Eleonor seemed dazzled, commenting on how much it looked like Brazil. Daniel asked about it and her eyes shone with a longing feeling he knew all too well. They spend hours talking about everything and nothing.

And he would stay there for the rest of the day if it wasn’t for his phone alarm. Time was up, he needed to leave to get to Milton Keynes in time for his meeting with his new engineers.

“Listen”, he started, earnestly, “On Monday I’m leaving for Australia. But you can go, if you want, I can give you a VIP pass and everything.”

In the blink of an eye, he could swear there was a genuine joy and inclination to say yes. But it was gone as quickly as it had come.

“I appreciate it, really. But let’s leave it for another time…”

“So there will be another time?”

She opened her mouth to answer but the words got stuck in her throat, giving him a shocked sigh instead.

“You cannot seriously have enjoyed this date at the library?”

It was Daniel's turn to be surprised. He considered for a moment and shrugged it off.

“You said it yourself, I’m a weirdo.”

Eleonor giggled in bewilderment, in a way that made her face light up with genuine emotion – it was beautiful and Daniel’s chest got filled with pride for being the one responsible for it.

“I’m gonna tell you a secret”, she leaned over the table to whisper. Daniel did the same to listen, attentively, “I have tickets for the Spanish GP.”
He gasped unconsciously, an automatic grin growing on his face at the good news. But he realized, a second after:

“Wait, that’s still two months away!” He protested, frowning with satisfaction.

Then, she smiled at him in the purest way she had ever had.

“Well, if you’re around before then… we can see.”

She tried to play nonchalantly, but he heard the truth behind her words.

“We can see…” He repeated, narrowing his eyes at her defiantly, “Oh, we’ll definitely see. I’ll quote Leonard Hofstadter for you: our babies will be smart and beautiful!”

At that, she actually threw her head back in laughter, so loud and genuine it earned her a reprimand from the library staff. Eleonor tried to muffle her laughter, shaking her head at him, eyes glistening with joy.

“You wish, Ricciardo.”