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Everybody in Liverpool had their own way of showing affection. For Henderson, it was shouting compliments at the top of his lungs and a slap on the back. Which was…painful at first, but you got used to it.
Robertson’s way was slightly more…noisy. A very animated celebration, or a prank, or even a long rant about the said victim--primarily Alexander-Arnold.
Van Dijk’s way was very subtle. Oftentimes, affection would be in the way of a witty remark, or in the best possible case, a hair ruffling.
Alisson and Klopp were both the same. They were the huggers. And let’s be fair--two six-footers crushing his bones every day wasn’t exactly good for Van Dijk’s “chill” demeanor.
But, as newcomers found out, James Milner was a different case altogether.
*
Kostas Tsimikas almost never listened to warnings when he should have. He’d usually just dismiss them with a laugh or a shrug.
So it was really no wonder that he learned about Milner the hard way.
It was a game versus Norwich, the first of the season. He was covering for Robertson that day, who was out with a slight injury. And to be fair, he was doing excellent--they were 2-0 up with 20 minutes left. The fact that they were keeping a clean sheet, though, was all that Tsimikas was focusing on--and Roberto Firmino. The Brazilian’s teeth were so perfect, they had Tsimikas awestruck. Until he felt something that was not awesome.
A hard, no-frills slap on the face from James Milner.
“What the…” Milner looked like he was about to swear, but then realized he was in the middle of a kid-filled stadium. “What in the name of ANFIELD were you doing? That ball was yours and Ali had to save your backside!”
“He did NOT!”
“Oh, seriously?” Milner retorted. “Look at him with the ball in his gloves right now!”
Tsimikas did see Alisson with the ball, but he just shrugged. “Maybe Virg passed it to him?”
Milner grumbled something incoherent under his breath and stomped back to the midfield, leaving Tsimikas very confused.
*
After the match, which ended in a 3-0 win, Tsimikas was hanging out in the locker room with the others, when Milner burst out from the showers. With a glare, he pulled Tsimikas off the bench and dragged him into a shower stall, where he locked them both inside.
“So what are you actually thinking, eh Kostas?” Milner was in his face, which wasn’t really hard--both of them were against the walls, and yet their heads were still touching.
“Huh…” Tsimikas shrugged. “That a showering stall is the weirdest place in history to have a talk?”
Milner groaned. “What were you really doing when you missed that ball?”
“Um…sightseeing?” Tsimikas really didn’t want to confess how distracted he was. “Yeah, Norwich has a really nice stadium.”
“I’ll admit they do.” Milner crossed his arms, staring the Greek down. “Now give me the real answer, please.”
“Alright,” Tsimikas confessed. “I…was rather distracted. I was sort of staring at Roberto’s teeth?” He shrugged, a lopsided smile crossing his features. “Okay, I’m sorry. Roberto’s teeth weren't the only thing--Ali’s hair, Mo’s abs, Virg's man-bun…”
“Kos-tas!” Milner groaned, but he was laughing at the same time. “You were distracted by our own teammates?”
“But they look soooo good!” Tsimikas protested. “I mean, come on! The muscles, the hair, the teeth--”
“SHUT UP!”
He gulped, seeming to shrink. “Y-yes?”
“Look,” said Milner, grasping Tsimikas’ hand. “You’re such a great leftback, you’re going to give Andy a run for his Scotsman money. But you really can’t get distracted so easily, otherwise all that potential isn’t going to show.
“I slapped you,” he continued, slowly lifting Tsimikas’ chin until the two were staring each other in the eyes, “because you needed to come out of Bobby’s-excellent-teeth land. I slapped you, because I didn’t want you to concede a goal that same way. I slapped you, because I care about you.”
“What the--really?”
“I mean it, Kostas. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, but you need to work on those imaginary blinders that keep you focused, okay?”
Tsimikas slowly nodded. “Alright, Merry. Sheesh, when they said that you were very physical with your affection, I did not expect this type.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re literally squeezed into a shower stall, our bodies touching…”
Milner suddenly seemed to recognize their predicament, a nervous chuckle escaping him. “Right, right. Let’s get us out of here.”
He reached towards the handle and turned the knob. Instead of the door opening, though, it stayed intact.
“What the…oh.” Milner shrugged, staring apologetically at Tsimikas. “I might have forgotten that the door locks from the outside over here?”
“JAMES PHILLIP MILNER!!!!”