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You deserve my love by whateveridk
Fandoms: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston, Red White & Royal Blue (2023)
20 Nov 2023
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Summary
“I’ll leave as soon as you tell me to."
Henry had turned towards him, stealing himself, sticking his chin out, and said “leave.”
Alex has been picking up the pieces ever since. Two years later, living with Nora and June in NYC, it still haunts him, but it's fine. Whatever, he is fine. And then...
Breaking News: Prince Henry comes out as gay
So it's not fine, Alex is not fine.
Basically another AU where Henry tells Alex to leave that night and they both fall apart for two years.
TW: discussed past suicide attempt, discussed and implied eating disorder. Mind the tags, be safe, but nothing is graphic.
Completed and uploading every Friday :)Series
- Part 1 of You deserve my love
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Bookmark Notes:
The apology / grovel is still not satisfying enough given the super quick resolution after 2 years of pain + the standard insta 'alex falling into bed with henry after one apology' bit is incredibly annoying, but still some good moments and better than most of the trope
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H: You are worth everything to me, Alex. I’m sorry I made you doubt that. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it if you let me.
“You are worth it, you were never not enough, you were never too much and there was never anyone else. There never will be. I’m so sorry,” Henry’s voice finally cracks.
“I’m so sorry, Alex. I’m not leaving again.” Henry murmurs into Alex’s curls. Alex can hear the tears in Henry’s voice as well. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I’ll earn it. I’ll fight for it, whatever it takes. But I won’t leave, not unless you force me.”“I thought I’d never get to hear you say that again,” Alex says softly and Henry’s face crumples slightly.
“I’m so sorry, love. I never stopped loving you. I’m so sorry I put you through so much pain,” Alex shakes his head in Henry’s hands.“I’m sorry, Alex,” Henry says dropping their interlocked hands back on the table. Alex immediately looks away. “I’m so terribly sorry I put you through that. You deserved so much better.” Alex feels tears press at the back of his eyes, stinging and threatening to spill over. He stays still afraid that if he moves he will crumble or Henry will disappear.
“It took me a little time, but I did fight for you, for us. You are worth fighting for. You are worth everything to me.” Alex’s breath hitches and he is truly fighting now not to cry. Henry, of course, knows exactly what to say, he knows Alex, through and through. It’s a very specific way to feel loved, being known. “You are enough, more than enough, more than I could ever bloody deserve. I love you so much, I always have,” Henry’s voice cracks at the last word. Alex stays still and silent, biting his bottom lip as he works through it all. He could tell Henry, truly tell Henry what it was like for him. He can accept Henry’s apology and put the whole thing behind them. Alex isn’t sure he can do either of those things so instead he asks the only question he has left.
“How can I trust that?” Alex asks, looking back to Henry, meeting his eyes through a tear-clouded gaze. “How am I supposed to trust you? How can I believe you won’t just up and run and leave me at the first sign of danger?” The tears slip down silently, they feel as if they are little runs of fire burning Alex’s cheeks.
“I’ll earn it,” Henry says earnestly, squeezing Alex’s hand again. “Let me earn it, please ,” Henry begs. “I promise I won’t ever make you doubt yourself or my love for you ever again, I swear it. I’ll prove it to you,” Henry rambles and Alex isn’t sure he has ever really experienced Henry rambling. Henry is always so composed in his speech, careful and deliberate and bordering on rehearsed.“I’m—” Henry starts.
“No,” Alex says cutting Henry off, shaking his head vigorously. “Don’t apologize, please. Just—” His breathing is a little ragged, he sounds desperate. “ Don’t. I can’t handle that, please.” Alex finally looks back up to Henry’s face to plead with him, and he wishes he hadn’t. Henry looks so… sad . Alex is overwhelmed by it, by the force of Henry’s regret and the force with which he is loved.