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you knew the world was slowly slipping away from you. as the days turned into weeks, you knew that it was getting bad again. the ache in your chest grew heavier and heavier with each day that passed, a burden on your shoulders as time dragged by. so overwhelmed by emotion that you were numb. feeling everything at once but yet nothing at all. emotions too complicated to put into words.
and when the numbness pulled you into its embrace, your energy drained with it. you pulled away from the people you loved, isolating yourself to preserve what little energy you had to designate it to simply existing. everything became too much.
this wasn’t the first time robin had witnessed you go through something like this. in your years of friendship and eventual relationship, she knew when to give you the space you craved and when to step in. and today was that day.
after a gruelling shift at family video, the only thing your girlfriend wanted was to see you. with one of your favourite movies in hand and some snacks she hoped to persuade you to eat, she waved goodbye to steve as she walked up to your front door. his voice carried through the evening breeze as the car drove away, a reminder to say hi to you from him when she got in.
after opening the door with the spare key you gifted her not long ago, she made her way up the stairs to your bedroom. coming face to face with your door, she raised her fist to knock on the wood softly.
no response.
“baby?” she calls, her voice gentle and dripping with worry.
no response again. she almost considers turning back, thinking maybe she was wrong this time and you weren’t ready to see her. but she knew. she knew you needed someone, and she’d rather be tortured by russians again than leave you when you needed her most.
gently cracking open your bedroom door, she peers inside. her muscles relax, a deep sigh of relief leaving her lips as she takes in the sight of you asleep. fully stepping into your room now, she can see your features illuminated by the soft light on your bedside table.
she steps closer to the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight as she sits beside your sleeping form. from here, she can make out the small crease in your forehead, lips downturned into a grimace. even in your sleep, you’re not completely at peace.
her own lips twist into a frown as she takes in your appearance. your eyes are puffy, tinted red along with the tip of your nose. cheeks pale and void of colour, wet with fresh tears that she brings a hand up to wipe away.
she can’t bring herself to wake you just yet, not when it’s likely the only sleep you’ve been getting given the dark circles beneath your eyes. instead, she heads downstairs. knowing your parents wouldn’t be home until later that night, she sets up the movie in the living room along with the selection of food and drinks she had gathered on the coffee table. she had just come back from the kitchen with two glasses in hand, when she hears your voice.
“robs?” it’s a meek, shaky call of her name. it makes her heart clench in her chest as she looks towards the origin of the sound, gaze landing on you.
you’re bundled up with a blanket clutched tightly over your frame as you descend the stairs, the fabric dragging across the steps behind you. she hears the soft thud of your feet meeting the wooden floor, the sound padded by the fluffy socks she recognises as the ones she bought you the previous christmas.
she remembers the bright laugh that left your lips when you uncovered the socks, complete with a cat’s paw print on the bottom. a ghost of a smile spreads across her lips when she remembers you smacking her over the head with a pillow, unimpressed with her response of “you are what you eat” when you asked what made her think of such a gift.
but those sweet smiles and angelic laughs are but a distant memory when she looks at you now, almost a shell of who you normally are.
“hey.” she offers you a sheepish smile, putting down the glasses on the table. “i hope you don’t mind, i uh-“ she scratches her arm nervously, looking down at the ground. “- i kinda invited myself in…”
“it’s fine.” your lips form into a tight-lipped smile, one that doesn’t quite meet your eyes. your gaze finally land on what she had set up in the living room, expression softening as you take in the sight. “what’s all this for?”
“oh! well…” she makes her way over to you, placing a gentle hand on your back to guide you towards the couch. she sits you down, quickly slumping down beside you with an arm slinging over your shoulders. “i just thought i’d do something to make you feel better, you know? remind you that i’m always here for you.” a warm smile rests on her face as she looks down at you, gaze filled with adoration.
“robbie…” your eyes grow misty, a small but genuine smile spreading across your own lips at her sincerity. your heart warms, turning to putty in your chest under her loving gaze. “you didn’t have to do all this.”
“maybe, but i wanted to.” she chuckles softly, gently wiping away stray tears from your cheek. her fingers graze over your cheekbones, carefully tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “gotta make sure you’re taking care of yourself, don’t i?”
you hum quietly, eyelashes fluttering at her feather-light caresses. “you’re too nice to me.” you murmur, head dropping to rest your cheek against her shoulder.
“hey…” she whines in offence, brows furrowing. she takes your chin between her thumb and pointer finger, tilting it upwards till you meet her gaze once more. “look at me… none of that, alright?”
“i’m serious, robs. i-“ you sigh shakily, tears brimming your eyes once more. “i really don’t deserve all this and i-i…”
“oh, baby.” she mumbles, reaching up to cradle the back of your head as she pulls you close to her chest. her other hand wraps around your waist, rubbing soothing circles on your back. you sniffle, a small sob escaping you as your walls begin to crumble. your emotions overflowing, spilling through the cracks.
a “let it all out, it’s okay…” from your girlfriend is all that it took to let those walls finally collapse. violent sobs wrack your body, hands balling into fists around the fabric of her shirt as your tears stream down your cheeks. her grip around you tightens, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as she holds you closer to her. she strokes your back, up and down, fingertips dancing across your spine in an effort to soothe you.
and she continues to hold you as you sob and you sob until your tears eventually dry. your body trembles in her hold with every shaky breath, her soft whispers and touches of comfort lulling you into a relaxed state.
“i’m sorry.” robin could almost feel her heart crack at the sound of your voice. it’s pained and dripping with guilt, like you were convinced that your vulnerability was a burden to her. “what’re you apologising for, love?”
“i just- i know i can be difficult, a-and i know that it can be frustrating when i get like this and i just- fuck i don’t know, i’m just a lot to deal with and i d-don’t know why you put up with me-“
“hey, hey, hey- look at me.” she cups your face in her hands, effectively stopping your rambling. you reluctantly glance up at her, swallowing a lump in your throat.
she tilts her head down, pressing her forehead against yours. she takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly before speaking.
“i don’t ‘put up’ with you, okay? i do this because i love you, and i care about you.” she whispers, voice cracking as she gazes down at you with a sympathetic smile. “and i know it’s difficult but i’m always gonna be here for you. you know that. you don’t have to do this alone.”
silence follows as she gently caresses you, wiping away your doubt with every soft stroke of her thumb over the apples of your cheeks. only the sound of your quiet sniffles being heard.
“okay.” your voice is a mere whisper, barely audible. but she hears it, making her lips curl into a tender smile.
“okay?”
“mhm.” you nod, looking up at her with a weak smile of your own. but it’s there. and she can see the glimmer in your eyes returning, knowing her girl is back.
“good, because now we have a movie to watch.” she chuckles, patting your cheek affectionately before getting up from the couch. you watch her move towards your tv, holding up the tape of your favourite movie with a grin, which only widens when she sees your face light up in excitement. she makes quick work of getting everything ready before returning to her rightful place beside you.
“c’mere, sweet girl.” she coos, leaning back against the arm of the couch. her arms are wide open, legs spread enough for you to comfortably sit between them. you let out a small laugh before quickly shuffling over to sit right where she wanted you. her arms wrap around your waist, pulling you back against her chest. your heads tilt to the side to gaze at the screen, her cheek pressed against the top of your head.
as you lean back against her, engulfed in the comforting warmth of your girlfriend’s embrace, you let yourself finally take in everything she had done for you. your heart fills with gratitude and appreciation for the freckled girl behind you.
you tilt your head to look up at her, admiring the way the screen lights up her features or how her brows furrow in concentration as she watches the movie, a remark about the plot on the tip of her tongue. and you watch the way her pretty blue eyes snap down to look at you when you mutter a “thank you.”
a soft smile spreads across her lips, her gaze just as soft with love. “i know, i’m the best girlfriend ever.” a small chuckle escapes her lips, you feel the vibrations from her chest against your back. you’re familiar with the sarcasm dripping from her words, yet your quiet hum of agreement is entirely truthful. to you, there is no doubt that she is.
her smile widens, creases appearing at the corner of her eyes. your smile mirrors her own, before returning to the movie. one of the hands around your waist laces with your own, her thumb tracing over the dips and valleys of your knuckles. she leans down, pressing a tender kiss to your neck. her lips graze over your skin, barely touching. a kiss as sweet and adoring as her love for you.
and as you bask in the movement, surrounded by the warmth of robin’s love, you know that she’ll always be there.