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“You know anything about the stock market”?
That’s how this all started. Benson asked Carisi if he knew enough to convincingly pose as a Wall Street hedge fund guy. They needed it to look good, get him inside the door in order to buy coke from Harry Ingram. Olivia’s plan was to trip this guy up, he was the dealer of choice for white collar professionals. This man was not looking to go to prison. It should be easy to get him on their side. Do this one solid, and you can forget all about going to jail. And maybe…just maybe he could trick Eli into some kind of taped confession.
So here Carisi was, standing in front of the mirror in the empty precinct locker room. He’d told Olivia that his childhood friend was a stockbroker. He’d heard Vincent brag enough times about his conquests at work that he had the terminology down. One quick call to his friend and he got some good buzz words too. Knowing what to say was only half the battle. To make it in Eli Colton’s world, you had to look the part too.
He wasn’t entirely sure how. Looking down at the ‘nice, but not that nice’ suit he had on, Carisi’s wardrobe was not one of a well paid stockbroker. He was retying his tie. For the third time. Making it look….different? Carisi was used to undercover work but generally, they sent him in to play a sex hungry john. It made him sick, but he knew how to play that part. Sadly, it didn’t take much. He’d realized working in SVU that there were a lot of men out there who were that guy. Literally all he had to do was leer openly at the women and boom, he’d be in. He wasn’t sure why they even bothered with glasses or slicking his hair back more.
For this though, they didn’t have the budget or resources that Vice did. Couldn’t just slap a fifty thousand dollar watch on him and just expect Harry Ingram to buy the story hook line and sinker.
“You almost ready”?
Amanda stood in the doorway, holding onto the edge of the door. He met her eyes in the mirror, and then looked back at his own reflection.
“Uh….yea. I just need a…..a minute”.
Amanda checked behind her, no one was heading their way, so she walked in, letting the door swing shut. She stood next to him, watching him in the mirror for a few seconds before she turned around to face him, leaning her backside against the counter. He was fiddling with his tie, trying to get it straighter….or maybe just tie it in a different way again…..
“No”. She said, and reached for the tie, pulling him gently towards her. “This tie says cop, not stockbroker”.
He stepped into her space as she began to undo the knot. Her eyes stayed focused on the task at hand, allowing him the freedom to gaze directly down at her. This close, he could see the slight sparkle of her subtle eyeshadow. His eyes dropped lower, her perfectly shaped lips were right there…..he forced himself to keep dropping lower when she bit down gently on her bottom lip. He became transfixed by the gentle throbbing just under the skin at her pulsepoint. How was her heart not beating as fast as his???
When he breathed in, the light floral scent of Amanda’s body wash was all around him. He had to tear his eyes away from her to keep his body from reacting.
That became way more difficult when she pulled one end of his tie until it slipped completely off, slapping her leg. Then she began to unbutton his shirt.
He cleared his throat, a nervous effort to stay in control and thankfully she stopped at the second button, otherwise he might’ve passed out right there.
Her voice dropped to barely over a whisper, and he wondered if she was anywhere close to being as affected as he was.
“Oh yea, that’s better”.
When she looked him up and down appreciatively and met his eyeline they both froze for a few seconds.
Instead of pulling away, as he thought she might, Amanda reached up on her toes, and he completely stopped breathing. She ran her fingers through his hair. Breaking up the gel just enough, not messy, just right. She stepped away, and he was able to gather up what was left of his strength to fight these intense feelings bubbling to the surface.
Sonny had become something of an expert at battling back his attraction to Amanda. Been happening pretty much since Jesse was born. Amanda was…..complicated. As were his feelings for her. Well….maybe they weren’t that complicated.
Lately he’d started to think this wasn’t just a passing attraction. They just might belong together……but he also knew her. She wasn’t ready for his truth….nowhere near it. Not to mention, the two of them were partners and God knows, he wasn’t Nick Amaro. Friends with benefits was an idea that was completely off the table. Neither of them ever said the words out loud, but they both knew that whatever it was or wasn’t…this thing between them…..it was more than that. A quick fuck to get it out of their system was…..that wasn’t going to be them either.
When she stepped away, he could breathe again.
“You mind”? She asked, and he turned to see what she was asking. There was a bottle of aftershave in his locker, and she began shaking some into her hands.
“These high finance guys…. always have way too much cologne on. You……you always wear exactly the right amount”.
If she puts her hands on him…….he knows he’s done for. Liv expects him in fifteen minutes so they can prep the whole team on just how this is gonna go.
“You think that’s all this is gonna take. Just take off the tie and slather on the cologne and suddenly I’d stop being the cop from Staten Island? This isn’t gonna fool anyone, Rollins”. He had his hands on his hips now, shaking his head.
“Ya know……you should just do it. Unbutton the top two of that blouse and he’ll forget his own name”.
But Amanda wasn't having it. She stepped back to him, placing her palms flat against his chest.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Carisi”. Her hands dragged down and he held his breath again. Having her this close….his senses were overwhelmed, suddenly it seemed like it was a hundred degrees in here.
She slowly began to pull his shirt out from his pants. Not undressing him, just about an inch or so. Carisi was incapable of deciding if that was a relief or not. He couldn’t help it, eyes fluttering shut as her arms encircled him, doing the same to untuck his shirt at the back.
“You just need a different……energy”. She stepped away, long enough so he could exhale, but she was right back. Wrapping a red scarf around him.
“I’m gonna give you your background story”, her voice went down to a husky whisper that went straight to his dick. He shifted his position, but she was everywhere. He couldn’t find a way to hide how hard he was….for her.
With a raised eyebrow and a smirk, Carisi realized she wasn’t offended.
“Your name is Stuart Cleacher”, she purred, pulling and stretching his collar.
“The job you have is so stressful…..you need to find…..release where you can”. She pulled on the scarf and went up on her tiptoes, burying her face in his neck.
The breath he’d been holding in, burst out of him in a groan when he felt her lips on his skin.
“Rollins….what the”-
“You spent the morning over phone calls and meetings, making a million dollar deal by lunch”....She nuzzled against his neck, pressing her breasts against him. Sonny’s hands, which had been firmly pressed against the counter, suddenly reached out and gripped her waist. He didn’t dare move them higher or lower….but this was getting…..dangerous. Anyone could walk in….
She sucked in a surprised breath before relaxing again. She took fistfulls of his shirt, wrinkling it in the process. Her lips grazed his sensitive skin and he was positive she was seeking out his erection….her hips….he wasn’t imagining this.
“All you wanted to do was celebrate”, her nose nuzzled against his chin and she moved to whisper in his ear.
“So you gave that look to one of the admins….she’s had a thing for you….and the two of you ducked into a supply closet”. Amanda’s hands were in his hair, mussing it up even more and she sucked on his earlobe.
He dared to move his hands lower, cupping her ass, if she slapped him, he’d deserve it…..instead, that moan nearly took him out.
Breathless, she continued weaving her tale of sex and money and drugs.
“You do a line off her breasts, licking her clean before you unzip these pants and fuck her senseless against a broken desk”.
This time it’s Carisi who sucks in a breath. His hands are squeezing and roaming all over her ass, if they don’t stop this soon, they’re gonna end up being the ones fucking up against one of these lockers. Amanda starts to pull away from him though, and he doesn’t want to let her go……
She presses her lips to the collar of his shirt, just enough to leave a tiny lipstick stain. His heart is going a mile a minute as she smooths his hair, leaning back with her shoulders, still connected at the waist.
“And all you wanna do, is another line, and fuck her again…..and that’s when you realize…..your stash is done. And you’ve got to find more coke….and get back to her”.
When Amanda breaks free from him, he’s just left there feeling….well he’s definitely hungry for more of whatever the hell that was.
“There”! She points her finger in his chest, turning him so he can see himself in the mirror.
“Now you look like a stockbroker who desperately needs to get into that apartment”.
He only looks at himself for a second. She definitely made him look desperate, that’s for sure. His eyes quickly darted back to her.
Her grin starts to fade when she sees his face and she shrugs it off. “Just…helpin out my partner”.
Carisi turned from the mirror to look directly at her.
“Is that all it was”? His earnest question had her giving him this look of pity that almost took him out of the headspace she’d brought him to.
“Sonny”....she shook her head. “You know I”.......She paused, and looked up at him.
Their gaze didn’t leave each other. He thought about all those nights at her apartment, holding Jesse when she got fussy, falling asleep on the sofa and waking up with Amanda’s head on his shoulder, or even curled up against his side…..he wasn’t crazy. He knew there was…..more there. They were close. Partners. More than she’d had with Amaro….definitely more than Jesse’s father….an ill advised tryst with Declan Murphy, but it resulted in Jesse so he could never hate Declan for that.
He was trying to gain some composure, his body still reacting to having her….well….having her.
Amanda stepped back to him. Her hand splayed out against his chest. Over his heart. On her tiptoes again, her arms reached for him as her whole body lengthened. He wasn’t meeting her halfway. Her lips brushed against his, soft and warm. She kissed him, and for a few seconds, he didn’t react at all. She parted her lips and sucked his lower lip between hers, and when he felt her tongue slide against him, asking him for more, he took her face in his hands and kissed her back. He bent her backwards with the ferocity of his need, their lips parting as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.
She moaned into the kiss and they lost themselves for a few moments. Lips, tongues, hands, they were all over each other for a few seconds before she pushed his shoulders back.
Sonny jumped back, both of them panting. “Sorry….I don’t know what”-
“No…. I’m sorry”, Amanda started. “You know how much I…..I mean…..you’re my partner…my best friend really….Jesse’s godfather……I mean aside from her, you are the one person in the world I know I can……look…..Sonny, I care about you, a lot …..but…..I’m not….I can’t be…..what you need…..not now ”.
Sonny smiled. So it wasn’t just him. Okay. This, he could live with. She wasn’t ready. He could wait. For her. She was worth it. Eventually, he’d make her believe that too.
She looked like she was expecting a fight, and furrowed her brow at his smile.
“So what I’m hearing is not now, but someday”. He smirked and this time, she smirked back, but before she could answer, Fin burst the door open.
“You guys ready to go”? Rollins and Carisi jumped away from each other.
“Yea, he’s ready”. Fin left them to it.
Amanda eyed him up and down, watching him put his suit jacket back on. She picked up his camel colored coat and helped him put it on, and smoothed the front of it.
“This coat….this is perfect”.
They looked at each other for a few more seconds, before heading out of the locker room to get the job done.
___________________________________
It would take years for Amanda to believe she deserved someone as good as Sonny Carisi. Almost losing him in her quest to make herself ready.
On the day of Fin’s non wedding, she got up the nerve to tell him she was ready, and she kissed him against the gorgeous backdrop of their city. Cool spring air buffeted off the water and when Sonny pulled back to look at her, to make sure this was all real, he saw tears in her eyes again.
He took her face in his hands and brushed the tears away with his thumbs.
“Is it finally someday”? He whispered, gazing at her with all the love of a man who’d been waiting nearly a decade for her. Her trembling lips, smile and nod was his answer as she pulled him back to her for another kiss. Her eyes fluttered shut as she let him wrap his arms around her.