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Dazai’s head was about to fall from exhaustion. He hadn’t slept the night before trying to finish some delayed work from the last couple weeks, and Mori would only continue to annoy him with the missing reports if he didn’t turn them down by Friday.
It was Thursday.
And to make matters worse, the executive’s reunion he had to attend was being way more boring than usual, probably it had something to do with the pounding headache that was starting to form on his temples. They were discussing about budgets and finances, or at least that’s what Dazai thought, he wasn’t paying enough attention to figure it out.
At the other side of the table, Chuuya was staring at him, an annoyed look that screamed at him get your shit together, which Dazai answered with an unbothered expression.
He wasn’t doing anything to hide his boredom, Mori was used to seeing the younger playing with paper planes and doodling on the margins of important papers, seeing him falling asleep wouldn’t be something new.
Finally, the meeting ended, and everyone was allowed to leave. Dazai stood up, noticing how the sudden action made the room spin around him a couple times, but he didn’t mind it, probably just exhaustion. He needed to sleep.
Chuuya was walking behind him, he could feel it, even if the other was trying to be discreet. They headed to Dazai’s office, to which he left the door open so Chuuya could come in.
Once inside, Dazai went to seat at the couch he used most of the times as a bed, like when his container was too cold to sleep in so he decided to stay at work. Pulling the blanket he always kept around, Dazai covered himself with it and brought his knees to his chest, hugging them and letting his head flop to the side, already starting to dozen of.
“Are you gonna say something?” Dazai said opening an eye, watching Chuuya standing in front of him with his arms crossed, “if you keep seeing me like that, I might think you’re in love with me.”
“Oh, fuck off, there’s no use on trying to annoy me with that” Chuuya pulled out Dazai’s chair, also taking a seat and turned it around so he would be facing Dazai, “we’re boyfriends, asshole, of course I’m in love with you.”
“Woah, so shameless! Chibi must be so smitten!” Chuuya tsked and rolled his eyes, but not being fully convincing, since there was a light spark of mockery on his actions.
“Don’t try to distract me, what happened at the meeting?”
“At the meeting?” Dazai felt genuinely confused, he didn’t do anything weird, at least not out of the ordinary, “I think you need your eyes checked.”
“You can’t fool me, Dazai.”
“I’m just tired, that’s all” he confessed, knowing it’d be impossible to keep insisting on not telling Chuuya, he was incredibly stubborn when wanting to know something.
Chuuya sighed, like expecting a longer explanation, but after seeing he’d not be receiving it, he stood up to close the curtains and turn the light off, darkening Dazai’s office.
“I’ll come to wake you up in a couple hours. Sleep, Mackerel.”
Just as he said, Chuuya returned right at 6pm, the time where their working day finished. Dazai, being a light sleeper, blinked a couple times after the sound of the door opening woke him up. The headache had only worsened, and his sight was slightly blurry, his throat also felt sandy, a feeling that quickly made him uncomfortable.
When taking off his blanket, a shiver travel though his entire body, but he hid it while trying to convince himself it was just his lack of body heat acting up, a collateral effect of his terrible eating habits.
“Ready to go home?”
Chuuya opened the curtains, letting the sunset light up the office at least a little. Dazai’s eyes hurt, but he didn’t say a thing, focusing on keeping himself from wobbling instead.
The fatigue from before had increased instead of getting better after sleeping, and all his symptoms were only proof of a frightening, but ultimate truth.
Dazai was sick.
“Slug must be crazy if he thinks I’m going to his apartment.” Dazai almost choked on his words trying to stop himself from coughing, something Chuuya luckily didn’t notice.
“I thought we were going to play videogames today” he seemed unfazed with Dazai’s typical banter, picking up the blanket he’d been using before and folding it to leave it on the couch.
“Nah, I got better things to do.”
Now that brought up a reaction from Chuuya, who turned around to look at him as if he had confessed to be the heir to the throne of England. Dazai turned around too, but in the opposite direction, facing the window so Chuuya couldn’t see his expression.
“Are you being serious?”
“A hundred percent.”
“Okay, then” Chuuya went to the open door, standing in front of it, “I’m not in the mood to fight today, I’ll just walk with you to your shitty container, but only because you’re too much of a menace to go on your own, not because I’m not pissed.”
Dazai wanted to chuckle, but he’d surely start coughing if he did. So, he just gave Chuuya a head pat to which he received a kick in the butt and a death stare.
The weather outside of the Port Mafia building was way colder than Dazai expected. He adjusted his coat and put his hands of each pocket, but even with his bandages, the constant trembling of his entire body wouldn’t stop. He was also sniffling as quietly as possible, but his nose kept clogging and his throat felt too dry. Chuuya eyed him every few minutes, as if catching up something was off.
I was until they reached the arcade where they went to play every week when Chuuya decided to speak.
“Are you okay?”
Dazai nodded, not daring to give a verbal answer. All his energies had been used just for walking and keeping his eyes open. Since leaving his office, his ears had started ringing, the headache had gotten worse with the cold and honestly, he wasn’t sure how long they’d been walking, almost doing everything on automatic.
And Chuuya had seemed to notice, putting his hand on Dazai’s forehead before the other had the time to react.
“You’re burning, Mackerel.”
Dazai walked back almost instantly, even if Chuuya’s warm touch had felt like heaven’s glory against his own skin. But the action only made him stumble and fall, making the world around him spin without giving him a chance to stand up and act like it was nothing. Chuuya kneeled next to him, caressing his face with both hands and looking even more worried than before.
“There’s no way I’m letting you go like this” Chuuya went to grab Dazai’s arm, but he yanked it away, not letting Chuuya help him to get up. Instead, he had to put both hands on the ground to push himself up, noticing it was probably not the best idea; the dizziness almost making him fall again.
“I’m fine.” Dazai wanted to yell, but the coughing fit that followed his words didn’t let him. The air felt dry, and it hurt his throat, but he couldn't stop.
“Yeah, of course you are” Chuuya gave him slight pats on his back, rubbing it with care until Dazai was able to breathe normally again, “you’re coming to my apartment, no complains.”
“But I’m not sick!”
“Right, because having a fever and being all clumsy is totally normal” Chuuya grabbed Dazai’s arm again, this time with a firmer grip so the other wouldn’t be able to let go, “not escaping, Dazai, I’m taking care of you.”
And everything Dazai could do was sigh with resignation.
Chuuya’s apartment was always warm, he used to keep the thermostat slightly higher than the weather outside, especially during winter. Dazai could almost feel his lungs thanking him for the change in the air temperature, his hands were also less cold, and the trembling had stopped in the most part.
“Take a seat, I think I have some cold medicine somewhere.”
The word medicine caught Dazai’s attention.
“I don’t need it.”
“Don’t be such a baby” Chuuya scolded, crouched down while looking trough his drawers, “you’re taking medicine so you can feel better, easy.”
“But I don’t want to” the whisper came so low Chuuya couldn’t hear it, more like an affirmation from Dazai to himself.
After some time searching, Chuuya went to the living room where Dazai had been waiting with two pills in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.
“Take them, one’s for your throat and the other for the headache, I’m sure you have one.”
Dazai pouted, staring at the pills as if doing so would make them disintegrate. He hated medicine, Mori always used to make Dazai take all kind of pills to test his limits, the same went with drugs and shots. Before meeting Chuuya, he had the tendency of mixing different types of medications to create an ultimate suicide method, but Mori found it more helpful than annoying, so he took advantage of Dazai’s will to die and transformed him into his own medical doll.
Chuuya was starting to get impatient with Dazai’s refusal to taking the pills, so he left them on the table in front of him and went to the kitchen.
“Do whatever you want then, but don’t come crying at me when it gets worse.”
Oh, it was already getting worse.
Even with the heat of Chuuya’s apartment and the comfort of his couch, Dazai was starting to have problems keeping himself aware of his surroundings. It wasn’t only tiredness; the edges of his brain felt fuzzy, and his thoughts were tangling on themselves, even more after having the pills near him.
He never wanted to annoy Chuuya with his problems to start with, he’d gone through multiple times being sick by his own, he could handle it by ignoring the way he felt and sleeping for three consecutive days until the illness disappeared on its own. He didn’t need pills or comfy places to feel better.
“You should try this” his thoughts were interrupted by the presence next to him, even with the way Chuuya had left before, looking slightly annoyed, he came back and placed a mug with a fuming beverage inside, “drink it, it’s tea, just chamomile. It should help you if you’re really against taking pills.”
Dazai hummed in response to, reaching for the mug and blowing its content before taking a sip. It gave a nice feeling to his throat and helped with the cold. Blowing it a couple times more, he drank it all already starting to feel a little better.
“Thank you” Chuuya smiled, looking satisfied. He took the mug from Dazai’s hands and went to leave it at the counter.
“Now we should go to sleep.”
“Oh, yeah” Dazai nodded, “is there any blanket I can borrow?”
Chuuya looked at him with a confused expression.
“We’re sleeping in my room, Dazai, I’m not leaving you in the couch when you’re sick.”
“But— “
“No buts, it’s not good for you. Come, I’ll give you some clothes so you can get comfortable.”
Without giving Dazai time to answer, Chuuya walked to his closet, Dazai following him closely. He saw Chuuya pulling out a pair of black sport pants and a long sleeve shirt with a turtleneck, both seemed too big for Chuuya, Dazai smiled noticing they’d been bought exclusively for him.
Once changed, Chuuya turned off all the lights and guided Dazai to his bed, where they both layed face to face. Chuuya touched Dazai’s forehead again, it was still hot but not as much as before, so he let it pass, bringing him closer and hugging him. Dazai returned the hug, enjoying Chuuya’s warmth and drifting to sleep almost immediately.
It was almost 2am when Chuuya woke up feeling something was wrong. The space next to him was empty and Dazai was nowhere to be seen.
Getting off from bed, Chuuya walked out of the room, wondering where the other could’ve gone. His question was quickly answered when he saw the bathroom door open and light coming out of there.
Chuuya was about to scold Dazai for not telling him he was feeling bad when he saw the younger sitting on the floor with his eyes closed, his breathing was shallow, and his skin looked clammy, he didn’t even respond to Chuuya’s presence. Chuuya put his hand on Dazai’s forehead, feeling it hotter than ever. Cursing under his breath, he tried waking Dazai up, but the other only groaned.
“Dazai, I need to get you to bed, can you help me out a bit?” Chuuya put his arm behind Dazai’s back trying to lift him, which was surprisingly easier than he thought, he’d have to start cooking for Dazai to make him gain weight.
Going back to his room, Chuuya placed Dazai back where he’d been sleeping before and went to the kitchen for a bowl filled with water and a washcloth.
When he returned to Dazai’s side, he noticed the younger starting to wake up, a pained expression on his face.
“I don’t feel so good.”
“It’s okay” the damp cloth was placed on Dazai’s forehead, bringing a content sigh from him, “this should help us to reduce you fever.”
Chuuya wet the cloth every couple minutes, holding Dazai’s hand in the meantime while caressing it with his thumb.
“I’m sorry” Dazai whispered, “I’m being an inconvenience to you, I’m sure you’re tired. Go to sleep, Chuuya, don’t need to do all this.”
The other huffed, replacing once more the washcloth and not moving from his place.
“You aren’t an inconvenience, idiot” Dazai tried to pull out his hand, but Chuuya held it harder, “I’m your boyfriend and it’s my decision to take care of you. Just let me do it.”
“But it’s not fair for you” Dazai whimpered, the fog in his brain making him think in an embarrassingly dramatic way, “I can’t do the same when Chibi gets sick, it’s not fair.”
Some tears fell from Dazai’s eyes, which Chuuya wiped away with his free hand. The whole fever situation was making Dazai more emotional, and crying would probably only make his head hurt even more, but he couldn’t help it. All his life, he’d never needed anyone to look after him or caring when he wasn’t feeling fine.
Chuuya was the first one to ever do it, and Dazai was afraid of him getting fed up with his tantrums and constant bickering. Part of him wished Chuuya never did, but other was waiting for him to leave, because Dazai’s problems were too much for someone to love, and he didn’t expect Chuuya to bear with all of that.
“I’m not going to leave you, Dazai.”
Chuuya hugged him, letting Dazai cry on his chest, holding him as if he was the most fragile and precious thing. Dazai sobbed harder, gripping Chuuya’s shirt so hard his fingers hurt, and the other shushed him repeating the same phrase again and again.
I’m not going to leave you.
And Dazai believed it, just for a second. It’d probably hurt later, when Chuuya realized he was, in fact, a burden and no better than a murderer with suicidal idealizations. But it was okay, even if it lasted only for one night or only for the next five minutes, Dazai could tell everyone he’d been loved even for a little while.
There’s nothing else he could’ve asked for.