Archive of Our Own ^beta

The light wakes up Donghyuck from his restless doze.

"Sorry," Jaemin's guilty voice echoes quietly in the room.

Donghyuck blearily sees his figure pushing the door closed again. It's never truly dark in his hospital room — there's always light from the hallway, or from the window, or from some of the monitors and buttons around him. No matter how faint they are, every single one hurts his eyes and his head.

"It's okay," he says, though he's pretty sure it comes out garbled and illegible. He goes to sit up, but a sharp pain in his side stops him. He tries to smother the grunt and tries not to let anything show in his expression, but it doesn't quite work. He hears Jaemin hurry over to the bed, and feels his warm fingers gently help Donghyuck back down.

"Jesus, Donghyuck-ah," Jaemin breathes out. "You just need to move the bed itself if you want to sit up. Take it slow."

"I know," Donghyuck says, not quite successful in hiding the bite in his tone. He sighs, immediately apologetic, and lies back down completely if just to appease Jaemin.

It's his second day here — or at least, the second day since waking up and remembering it — and he's tired and in pain and frustrated.

He hates being in the hospital. His worst memories are always here. But even with all his visits, he's never had to stay overnight before. He's never had to stay multiple nights. He knows it's bad, knows there's no sweet-talking the managers into getting him home earlier this time.

Jaemin sits in the chair by his bedside. Over the past two days, and apparently the two days before that he doesn't remember, his chair has never really been unoccupied. Someone is always here during visiting hours. It's his mum most of the time, though she's always quick to give up her seat whenever a member walks in despite their best attempts to keep her there.

Usually, his members will sit down, put their hands somewhere on his skin, and tell him you're just like her.

Stubborn. Caring. A heart too big, with so much love to give.

His mum is here the most. She isn't here tonight, because Donghyuck forced her to go home so that she could actually get some rest on a proper bed. But visiting the most, right behind her, is Jaemin.

His members are all frequent visitors too. Or as much as they can be. But still, for some reason, they're all beat out by Jaemin — likely because his schedule is a little easier, Donghyuck thinks. 127 are leading up to their promotions.

But then he stops that thought.

He's not quite right, he knows. But it's all he remembers.

"You can go back to sleep, you know," Jaemin says, cutting Donghyuck's thoughts off before they can spiral again.

Donghyuck bites the inside of his cheek, considers it for a moment, and then fumbles for the side of the bed to feel along for the buttons he knows are there. He hasn't had much else to do today between visitors, so he's been learning the controls for the bed. He makes the back of the bed rise, angling himself up because he's not going back to sleep.

Jaemin sighs but doesn't try and stop him.

"Can you get the light?" Donghyuck asks.

Jaemin doesn't move. Donghyuck can tell because the chair doesn't squeak, and the blurry dark blob of Jaemin doesn't move either.

"You should rest," Jaemin says.

Donghyuck's frustration rises. It's easy for it to when all he's been doing is lying in this hospital bed, knowing things are wrong, but no one's quite telling him anything. And Donghyuck can't see what's around him, not properly, and something about that is suddenly so aggravating and unbearable.

And it's easy, in front of Jaemin, who understands him. Who lets him be angry, but doesn't let it go too far either.

"I want to see what's around me," Donghyuck says truthfully. It's hard enough that he's already confused from most things, and hard enough that he can't control any of it. "I heard the nurses move something earlier, and I don't..."

He doesn't understand, most of the time, what's going on. And not knowing what's around him makes it even harder. More frustrating.

"Alright," Jaemin says softly, and he finally gets up from the chair to select the dimmest light he can. It lights up behind him, and though he has to blink a few times to get used to the brightness, it isn't nearly as painful as it has been.

That might be the new painkillers they have him on, though. He isn't sure.

"I think they just moved your table," Jaemin says, brushing a hand over it. "Probably took your tray. Did you eat dinner?"

"Tried," Donghyuck says, running his tongue over his teeth as he remembers the taste. It wasn't bad — he's had plenty of airplane food before, and it's not so far from that kind of familiarity, but he just hasn't been that hungry.

"Want to try something else?" Jaemin asks, already rifling through his bag.

"No thanks," Donghyuck says, stomach already rolling. "Really, I'm alright. Doyoung came by earlier and gave me some snacks as well. They're still on the table, right?"

"They are," Jaemin replies, leaning over to double-check. "Want any of those?"

"Jaemin-ah, I'm fine," Donghyuck says. "I'm just not that hungry right now. I'll probably have something when they come around with the medication again later."

Jaemin checks the time on his phone and hums. "Another hour or so. Sure you don't want to rest?"

"This is resting," Donghyuck says, drumming his fingers on the side of the bed rail pointedly.

"I forget that you never used to know what resting actually meant," Jaemin sighs, pressing his fingers to his eyelids.

Something heavy and awful violently roars inside of Donghyuck. He has to turn to look away from Jaemin.

It's always lingering, always there, suffocating him these past two days. Worse than any of his other physical injuries — worse than his broken leg, or his healing shoulder from its dislocation, or even his bruised and broken ribs.

It's the knowledge that he is missing no less than three years of his life. No memories to recall, no remembrance of anything past recording the album for Fact Check.

2023. That was, apparently, three years ago.

His members look older. His mum and family too. His little siblings don't, suddenly, look so little anymore.

Jisung is the same age that he remembers being. He's 23, or he was, but now he's 26.

Three years.

The broken bones will heal. The cuts all over his body will fade. But there is no such guarantee for his memory.

They're hopeful, they say. It's likely just the trauma of the head wound. It happens, sometimes. Temporary amnesia.

But, sometimes, the memories don't return.

Nothing scares him more than that.

"It's okay," Jaemin says, talking to himself now that Donghyuck has opted himself out of this conversation. "You'll learn again if you don't remember."

Donghyuck's mouth tastes bitter and sour all at once. Jaemin's been quietly insistent like this — optimistic that Donghyuck will remember things again, and faithful that he'll learn even if he doesn't.

Donghyuck is hopeful, too, in his own way. It has only been two days, and these things can take time. If it takes too long, he's sure that there are plenty of recordings of his life that he can go back and watch and learn.

But he's in pain, he's tired, and the light is starting to hurt his eyes again.

Like Jaemin knows, he gets up again to switch off the light. Donghyuck mutters a thanks, but it falls quiet.

Not silent — never quite silent here. There are too many people in the hospital, too many different sounds ringing out through the hallway that not even a closed door can seal off.

There are things he wants to ask. Things he's been wanting to ask, ever since his mum told him with a small smile that Jaeminie has been by your side too. I had to claim this chair for the nights to stay here, or else he would have taken it himself. And we know that's no good for his back.

That had been two days ago. When Donghyuck was just waking up, apparently for the third time that day, but the first that he actually remembers. That had been before Donghyuck had been able to speak, and state that you... look different.

Things had become a blur after that, as they realised it was three years worth of amnesia causing his confusion. And while Donghyuck's list of questions only continues to grow — the first one he had, hearing his mum talking to him and talking about it, hasn't left him yet.

Why Jaemin?

"Are you trying to atone for something?" Donghyuck finds himself asking. He's been trying to convince himself to leave the topic alone, because he'd rather deal with the strangeness of Jaemin's presence than the loneliness without it, but he can't bite his tongue back now. Not when it looks like Jaemin intends to stay the night here in the hospital with him, and he doesn't know what to make of it.

He doesn't think he believed his mum. Not really. Not until now, having been able to spot the bag Jaemin had carefully put on the ground earlier.

Jaemin really does intend to stay the night, curled up on either the chair or the windowsill pane. And Donghyuck just doesn't know what to think.

Jaemin hums. "Hm?"

"Did you wrong me in these three years? Steal my lunches? Kick me out of Dream?" Donghyuck asks — it's something he's been thinking about over the past couple of hours. Something must have happened for Jaemin to be acting like this.

"Those are... two very drastically different things," Jaemin says slowly, voice carefully neutral.

Donghyuck still isn't quite looking at him. He wouldn't be able to pick out Jaemin's expression anyway in this low brightness.

"I think both are viable," Donghyuck mumbles.

"You're still in Dream," Jaemin says — and though he might not realise it, it's a weight suddenly lifted from Donghyuck's chest.

He hasn't asked anyone. He's assumed, because of the way all of his members come to visit, how there aren't really any lingering awkward feelings beyond just the amnesia and injuries — it's just worry, through and through. So he's assumed, and he's been optimistic, but he has, admittedly, been wondering.

He's glad. He's so ridiculously glad.

Maybe Jaemin does know it, though. Maybe he knows what this means to Donghyuck, and it's exactly why he said it.

Donghyuck just... can't tell. He's never quite been able to read Jaemin as well as he wants to.

"Then it's the lunch?" Donghyuck asks, trying to joke but not quite able to hide the miserable quiver in his voice.

"No," Jaemin replies simply, "it's not that. I'm not atoning for anything, Donghyuck-ah. You know I'm not the type."

Do I? He pessimistically thinks, but then mentally snaps his fingers at himself to try and stop that spiral. He does know this. Three years means things have changed, but it doesn't mean Jaemin is someone else entirely. Jaemin wouldn't be sitting here if he was feeling guilty about something — he's direct with his apologies, if they're ever required, or if it's ever bad enough that he needs to say it. He doesn't hide them behind actions like this.

If it's not that, though, then what?

Donghyuck doesn't dare to ask. He's not sure he wants to find out the answer if he doesn't know it.

"Are you feeling better, at least?" Jaemin asks, eventually, when the silence fills the room for a couple of minutes.

"Yeah," Donghyuck replies. "I think whatever they've got me on has a good kick, though."

"But your head feels better?" Jaemin asks.

Donghyuck sighs, sinking his head back further into his pillow. "Yeah, I guess. My eyes aren't so sensitive, but..."

"They're still not great," Jaemin finishes for him. Donghyuck hums in agreement. Jaemin lets out a loud exhale as he stretches his arms up, movement and sound exaggerated. "Well, it's not like there's much to see."

Jaemin, when he visited earlier in the day, had gone through every single item in Donghyuck's room. He'd said aloud every single word on the chart, reading at a pace that Donghyuck could actually process the words to.

He knows, because of this, that Jaemin is right — there really isn't much to see in the white room. Nothing to read that's worth the hurt in his head.

Still, it'd be nice to actually kind of know what was going on around him.

"Jaehyun messaged me earlier," Jaemin says. "He wants to call, if you're up for that. Jungwoo, too."

"Huh?" Donghyuck says it before the words really sink in. He doesn't understand why either of them would call rather than come visit. Why they'd message Jaemin about this.

And then, a moment too late, Donghyuck remembers.

Jaemin is patient as he repeats himself. Donghyuck shrinks down in the sheets and mumbles sure. Maybe tomorrow.

The last he remembers, enlistment had just been something they discussed around dinner and drinks. Taeil's date was getting closer, and Taeyong's voluntary early enlistment was also close too.

Now, they've completed it. Now, most of 127 have gone and completed it — and Jungwoo and Jaehyun are in the midst of it now too.

For Donghyuck, enlistment had been something a few more years off yet. Now, he realises, it should be close. He'll be next, along with Jaemin and Jeno.

Donghyuck finds his leg digging into the bedsheets. He can feel it — there are more, old aching injuries in this body now. And now there's this. What happens now?

"Hey," Jaemin says, pulling him from his thoughts. "Who came to visit today?"

"You already know," Donghyuck replies, because he's realised that, for whatever reason, everyone seems to talk to Jaemin about him.

"Memory test," Jaemin replies. "Come on, who?"

Donghyuck sighs. "Mum. Doyoung. You. Mark. Taeyong. Renjun, Chenle, Jisung together. You, again."

"Yesterday?"

"Jaemin-ah. I remember."

"Fine," Jaemin appeases. And then, voice a little more softer, he asks, "Anything else?"

Anything else, from the past three years?

"No," Donghyuck says. "Nothing."

He feels Jaemin's hand clasp around his lower leg, rubbing it gently over the blanket. He'd had the hospital one until Doyoung had come in to switch it out with a nicer one from somewhere — he's not sure if it's from his own house or Doyoung's, but it's a nice comfort regardless.

"That's okay," Jaemin says. "They're still optimistic. You've only been awake a couple of days, and you're already moving better than they thought you'd be. This is good."

Donghyuck sinks further into the bed, letting Jaemin's comfort provide him some reassurance.

"They might send me home soon," Donghyuck says, recalling some earlier conversations he remembers the doctors having with his mum in the room. Jaemin hums, unsurprised. Donghyuck's also not surprised about this — he's pretty sure that for some reason, his mum and Jaemin have also been communicating a lot.

He doesn't know what's happened in the past three years, but he still can't quite piece together a large enough part of the puzzle that will somehow provide any sense here.

"That's why you should rest," Jaemin says softly, "so they definitely send you home."

But there's something strange in Jaemin's tone. Something he's carefully masking. Maybe, if Donghyuck could get a glimpse at his expression, he'd be able to pick it apart. But when he looks over in Jaemin's direction, he's met with darkness that doesn't quite let him read Jaemin's features.

It'd be useless anyway, he reminds himself. It's been three years. Jaemin's hiding different things, now. Donghyuck doesn't know him as well as he did — does. Is yet to.

Fuck, his head hurts.

"They'll just wake me up in a couple of hours anyway," Donghyuck says. "I'd rather sleep after that."

"Okay," Jaemin says, voice still with that careful cadence. He clears his throat and then speaks again. "Do you want me to play something?"

"Just... Baekhyun's album," Donghyuck replies. There have, hopefully, been a couple more in the years he doesn't remember — but Jaemin sticks to the ones that he knows. It's for a reason — the doctors haven't encouraged him to be shocked by anything or to try and draw forth memories forcefully. It's better, for now, to ease him into it.

Donghyuck ends up falling asleep anyway. He doesn't really wake properly, even as he takes his next round of medications, and doesn't quite remember getting back up or lying back down after them.

But he remembers Jaemin, sitting on the chair. Remembers Jaemin, talking to him all through the night whenever Donghyuck can't quite settle.

Remembers Jaemin, even if he doesn't.

Jungwoo and Jaehyun call. Jaemin holds up his phone on speaker for both calls, staying well past the morning just to make sure he's able to do it for Donghyuck.

He's silent, letting Donghyuck speak to both of them with as much privacy as he can give.

And it's another reminder in their voices, over these calls. The way they quiver and speak so softly and gently to him, even if they try and hide it. It's just a reminder of how worried everyone is about him, how much this accident has scared them.

But still, he doesn't remember it. Doesn't remember the car accident, or the two days following it, or the three years prior to it. It feels unfair, in a way. That he's made everyone hurt like this, but he's somehow escaped it all because he simply doesn't remember it.

But it's unfair to him, too. And they know it too.

Despite spending the night, Jaemin stays the day too. Even as his mum comes in, and gives him a smile and a hug around his shoulders, and both Donghyuck and her assure him that it's okay if he wants to go home.

Jaemin just grins at them, stretches out his arms, and says really, I want to stay.

Donghyuck doesn't know what to make of that, but he's glad that he doesn't need to think about it. More doctors come in, and he's asked questions and then whisked off for more exams. They give him back the results of previous ones, and they say it looks good.

No swelling. No bleeding in the brain. Nothing they need to operate on.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that this means the reasons for Donghyuck's amnesia have just narrowed. And the temporary, fixable causes have just become unlikely.

"There isn't much we can do," the doctors say apologetically. "At this stage, it becomes a waiting game if those memories come back or not. You're young and fit, and things are optimistic, but the brain can be a funny and delicate thing. We can only recommend that you ease into things, just to be kind to your mind and your body. They are both healing, please treat them both delicately."

She says the last few words at the visitors in the room pointedly. They nod but share a troubled expression.

The doctor seems to catch on, as she gives all of them a patient smile. She's been kind to him, and Donghyuck likes her the most.

"Some things, though, will be unavoidable," she says, giving Donghyuck a little shrug, "especially with your status, Mr Lee. It might be best to... well, get the bigger things out the way. While you're in the hospital and all."

Again, those last words turn directed towards his mum and Jaemin. Once again, they share a look, and then all three of them share a look, and Donghyuck finds that unbearable itch under his skin.

They all know something he doesn't. Something big. Something part of his life, something affecting him even now, and he's the only one who doesn't know. He hates it.

"What's going on?" Donghyuck asks.

The doctor hums, giving Donghyuck a small, sympathetic smile. "I'll be just outside in the hall if you need me."

It feels a little like being left in a kiddy pool with sharks, he thinks. And they're definitely going to bite now that they've been given permission.

"Okay," Donghyuck says, trying to steel himself, "will this finally explain why everyone's acting weird?"

By everyone, he mostly means Jaemin. He's pretty sure they catch onto that.

"Did you want me to go?" Donghyuck's mum asks, and he realises after a moment that she isn't speaking to him. She's speaking to Jaemin.

He shakes his head. "It might, ah, help him believe it. If you're here."

Jaemin's hand comes down on his leg again. In the light, from the one in the room and the sunshine coming in from the window, he sees a glint of something. He's used to seeing his members on with rings, especially the Dream ring — and they still have it, he thinks. He's seen it on them. It's different, but he knows what it represents.

But Jaemin has a different one on his ring finger.

Donghyuck's heart suddenly sinks. He thinks he feels sick.

"Are... are you married?" Donghyuck asks, shocked. And it's undeniable, really, why idols get married younger. "Oh my god, Jaemin-ah, do you have a kid?"

Jaemin freezes. Donghyuck might actually throw up.

"Are you still in Dream?" Donghyuck's voice is even more careful now, softer, as his thoughts are loud and rampant. This makes sense, doesn't it? Why Jaemin isn't as busy with schedules? Why he's here so often?

"I'm still in Dream," Jaemin says quickly, squeezing Donghyuck's leg and looking seriously at him. Earnest and open. "I swear."

His mum nods on the other side of the bed, so Donghyuck settles slightly. Okay, he thinks. That's good. But...

"I am married," Jaemin says, hand rising just so he can show the back of his hand to Donghyuck, getting him a closer look at the ring. Donghyuck does, even though the sight of it makes his stomach revolt and his heart break. "Or, at least, as much as I can be."

Donghyuck's trying to understand what that sentence means when suddenly Jaemin is reaching into his shirt and pulling at the necklace chain around his neck. He pulls it free from the neckline of his shirt, and then there's another matching ring dangling from it.

Donghyuck stares at it, uncomprehending. He swallows thickly.

"Um... are you a widow?" he asks tentatively.

Jaemin laughs, short and sharp in surprise. "No," he says, shaking his head. "No, I'm not a widow. This is, um, yours."

Donghyuck stares at it.

"Mine?" He repeats.

Jaemin nods. He tugs a little at the chain, swinging the ring back and forth over it.

Donghyuck looks at his mum. She nods, too, with serious eyes but a soft, warm smile on her face.

"Mine," Donghyuck says, no longer a question. But then he frowns. "Wait, I'm married?"

"As much as you can be," Jaemin confirms.

The words ring strangely.

Donghyuck looks at Jaemin again. His heart flips.

"Am I... are we married? To each other?" Donghyuck asks. His cheeks flush, and his heart races. "Wait, wait-"

"We are," Jaemin confirms before Donghyuck can try and take the question back, before he can truly feel embarrassed about presuming so much. Jaemin's fingers brush over the ring on his necklace. "They took your personal effects off when you were admitted. I took it, just to make sure we didn't lose it between changing rooms and everything, and was going to give it back, but..."

"I... We're married?"

"Hello, husband," Jaemin laughs, a little teasingly, but mostly fond. He lets the necklace drop from his fingers, and it sits over his chest. Donghyuck can't tear his eyes away from it.

"I'm married to you?"

"To me," Jaemin agrees.

This doesn't make sense, Donghyuck thinks.

"I, um," he tries to say, trying to say something in the space that he knows they're waiting for him to fill. But his head is pounding, thoughts racing, and he doesn't know what to say.

"I'll give you a moment," Jaemin says, fingers falling away from his leg. He shares a smile with his mum, who's looking at Jaemin sadly but with understanding, and she reaches out to brush back his hair. They're soft with each other. Careful. Familiar.

Donghyuck thinks he does need that moment.

Jaemin steps away, and Donghyuck sees it, in the light. The way his shoulders are hunched, the way he draws his hands closer to himself. He's hurt. Upset.

"Jaemin-ah," Donghyuck calls out, reaching his hand out. His heart is still racing, his mind still turning in circles, but he knows he doesn't want Jaemin to be alone right now. "You can stay."

Jaemin hesitantly turns back around. He shifts awkwardly yon his feet. "Are you sure? I get that it's a lot, and..."

"Stay," Donghyuck says, reaching his fingers out further. Jaemin reaches for him, sliding their fingers together as he steps back towards the bed.

Donghyuck might need the moment, but he knows Jaemin needs him too, and the choice is easy. He can have this moment with Jaemin in the room — Jaemin should get it, right? They're husbands, apparently. In sickness and in health and all that.

"How long?" Donghyuck asks.

Jaemin runs his thumb back and forth over the back of Donghyuck's hand. "Since the ceremony? Two months."

Donghyuck sucks in a sharp breath. Not long ago at all.

"It wasn't official or anything," Jaemin says, voice soft. "Because, you know, laws and all. And the media would have been a lot if we did make it public, so it was a private event. Just something for our friends and family."

"So... the media doesn't know?" Donghyuck asks, surprised.

Jaemin's mouth twists. "I wouldn't say that," he replies, a little ruefully. "More like there's just... mutual agreement that it won't be spread. But there was an article, a year ago. Nothing too bad, but we had to tell the company at that point."

"What was the article about?" Donghyuck asks.

Jaemin coughs, covering his mouth with his hand. The tips of his ears go red. "We were... ah, in a club. A video leaked."

His mum snorts. Even Donghyuck feels embarrassed.

"We got caught in a club?" Donghyuck says, slightly appalled. "That's..."

"Dumb," Jaemin fills in for him with a smile. "Yeah, I know."

"Okay, but... the doctor knew," Donghyuck says, raising his eyebrows.

"We had to discuss what to reveal," his mum answers.

"And I had to pull the husband card to stay the night," Jaemin adds with a shrug, unapologetic. Donghyuck's heart pounds, but his mum squeezes his hand.

"It's okay," she reassures quietly. "It hasn't gotten out to the media."

Donghyuck breathes a sigh of relief — even if he doesn't remember this relationship, or this marriage, that fear that the media will always find out too much always hangs over his head.

"This wasn't something we could really hide from you after your discharge, though," Jaemin says, looking down at their hands.

Donghyuck pieces things together quickly from that. His life now, as he doesn't remember it, is probably so drastically different. Where he lives — and then he realises it.

"Because we... live together?" Donghyuck guesses.

Jaemin hums, squeezing his hand. "Yeah. You, me, the three cats."

The doctor knocks at the door, and then steps back in with a smile. "Have you gotten the bigger things out of the way?"

"Definitely the biggest thing," Jaemin replies, stepping aside slightly so the doctor can step forward.

"Well, no breakdowns at least," she says, tilting her head as she examines him.

"Oh, don't worry," Donghyuck laughs, strained, "I'm definitely freaking out."

She hums, watching one of his monitors, before she speaks. "Regardless, it's good you have taken it as well as you have. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to have triggered any memories, has it?"

Donghyuck shakes his head. She nods, unsurprised.

"Sometimes, getting memories back isn't as easy as just being told about them," she says. "Don't worry too much about it. Now, with that out the way, we can discuss what your care at home will look like. You probably don't want to be cooped up here much longer, right?"

"No," he admits with a small smile. "No, I really don't."

She starts to detail what he should do, what he should avoid, and what they should look out for just in case he needs to come back and get something checked. But, until then, it's another six weeks until he can get the cast on his leg off.

"Basically," she finishes, closing her clipboard, "just make sure you get plenty of rest. You have people around that are going to help, so let them do that."

She says it in a particular kind of way that reminds him of his mum scolding him. He nods, cheeks a little red, and she gives him one last farewell before she walks out of the room and says she hopes not to see him back here too soon.

After that, his mum and Jaemin collect up their things, tidy up the room, and Donghyuck's glad everything seems to be moving in a rush, because it means he doesn't need to sit with the thought that Jaemin is his husband.

"Hey," Jaemin says, holding up some clothes, "the media is... probably going to be hard to avoid. Let's get you out of the scrubs."

Moving hurts. Jaemin and his mum are careful with him, whispering apologies whenever Donghyuck's face twists with pain, but there isn't much they can do to avoid straining his leg or his ribs. Once it's done, though, it's a relief to be in clothes that are more fitting.

He doesn't recognise them, but he's still pretty sure they're his. That's a strange thought, which makes him awkwardly pick at the bottom thread of his shorts as he tries to come to terms with the fact that he's likely worn these before.

After that, he's moved into a wheelchair, and while moving his body still seems to ache everywhere, it's a relief to be sitting up in something that isn't just a hospital bed. Jaemin crouches down before him, passing him a mask, hat, and sunglasses.

"The camera flashes are probably going to hurt your eyes," Jaemin sighs, shaking his head in something like annoyance. "So make sure to keep your head down, okay? No matter what they say or what you hear. Just ignore them."

"Okay," Donghyuck confirms, sliding the items on his face. Jaemin smiles at him, fixing the cap on his head for him.

"I'm going to head out first," Jaemin says. "But I'll see you at home."

"Okay," Donghyuck says again, though his voice sounds a little more strained now. Home. Right. With Jaemin. Where he lives. With his husband.

Jaemin lingers for a whisper of a moment, shifting his weight like he wants to do something, but eventually he just rises to his feet and nods politely to his mum before he turns around and walks out of the room.

His heart, for some reason, clenches at the sight. His fingers dig into the armrests of the chair.

So weird. It's so weird that his body is having all these kinds of reactions and sensations that he doesn't ever remember.

His mum leans down over the back of the wheelchair, mouth close to his ear as she speaks quietly. "He's good to you, my darling. I'm glad you have each other."

Donghyuck nods, but he's still reeling with everything, and she leaves it alone. She stands up, makes sure he's all good, and then wheels him out of the room. She has a couple of things to deal with before they can properly leave, but Donghyuck is glad that he gets a moment to breathe between Jaemin leaving and having to face the media outside.

When his mum comes back over to him, ready to wheel him out in tow with a couple of security guards, she stands there for a moment too. Her fingers come down to squeeze at his one good shoulder.

"Mum," he says, taking hold of her hand and tilting his head back as much as he can to look at her. "You... you know they'll get photos of you too, right? You can leave me with security, it's okay."

She laughs, turning their hands so that she can properly hold his own. "My love," she smiles at him, "I can deal with a couple of photos. Don't you dare worry about me right now, okay?"

Donghyuck presses his lips together but gives her a nod. He’s not going to question her certainty.

"It'll be alright," she says. "You're bigger and even more famous than you probably remember, so there's going to be a lot of people out there. Like Jaeminie said, head down, okay? Close your eyes if you have to. Even like this, you're still my handsome boy, so don't you dare worry about the pictures."

"Don't worry," he breathes out, "I think a nice picture is the last thing on my mind."

She laughs good-naturedly, pats the top of his head, and then pushes the wheelchair forward. Donghyuck counts his breaths, tries to even them out. In one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three, four.

Suddenly, she's pushing him out of the hospital's main entrance. The guards make sure no one rushes forward, and that no one is obstructing the entrance to the hospital. Donghyuck keeps his head down, staring down at the ground in front of him as flashes begin to creep into the corners of his eyes. Reporters and photographers shout at him, trying to be heard over the rush of all the other voices, and his senses are immediately overwhelmed.

He puts all of his focus into making sure his fingers don't tighten so much on the armrests, because he knows every little moment is being captured right now. He hopes that the media won't publish most of these pictures, or that they'll be respectful of his mum's face at the very least. His name is called, over and over, and he tenses his jaw just to stop himself from instinctively glancing in the direction of the reporters.

A couple of them get too close, follow too long, and Donghyuck hears his mum talking to them in a kind but firm voice as they get closer to the car. He doesn't think there are any camera flashes as he carefully moves himself from the wheelchair to the front seat of the car.

"Well," his mum says, once she puts herself in the driver's seat and shuts the car door. "That was a lot. Hey, you want to go get some ice cream?"

"... Ice cream?" Donghyuck asks.

She shrugs. "I mean, I'll go in and get it. It's just that you tend not to have it in your house because of Jaeminie's dairy intolerance, and you've been pulling a sad face every time they put a meal down in front of you in the hospital, so... yeah, ice cream."

"I don't..." He trails off when he sees his mum's head turn with a questioning raise of her eyebrows. He shrinks down into the seat. "Um, yeah, okay. Ice cream sounds nice."

It really does, honestly. It is hot, and the car smells of heat, and this is something he's always done with his mum anyway.

"Great," she grins and starts the car.

Not long after, she's back in the car, passing him over a cup of ice cream with two different flavours. He gratefully takes the spoon and starts to eat, and while she's left the car running so that the air conditioner stays on, she doesn't make a move to actually put the car into gear.

They sit and eat their ice cream, until eventually, Donghyuck decides to just push the conversation forward.

"You want to talk about something," he says.

She hums in agreement, turning her head to meet his eyes. "I want you to talk about something, actually. But I know that's a lot to ask with... well, everything."

"Mhm," he says, taking a strategic spoonful of ice cream. It falls quiet between them.

"I don't know how you must feel right now," she finally says, and her voice turns softer, a little more sad, "to just suddenly be thrown three years into the future like you have been. And I know so many things are different."

"Jaemin," Donghyuck agrees after a beat of silence.

She sighs. "Yeah. I know you have plenty of things you're probably stressing about, but..."

Donghyuck stirs his ice cream as he thinks. It looks muddy, the two flavours together, and he ruefully thinks that's probably what the inside of his brain looks like right now. Muddy, all tangled together, colours disappearing.

"If I look at it objectively," Donghyuck says, now starting to fold the ice cream over itself. "I can... I can heal my body. I can look at dance videos, and watch practices, and I can relearn all those things."

"You can," she agrees.

"But with Jaemin," Donghyuck continues, mouth twisting. "With Jaemin, there isn't that kind of public knowledge, right? There aren't videos I can watch and relearn. I don't even know how to be in a relationship with him, much less be his husband."

His voice cracks at the end, hysteria making his insides twist and his throat tighten.

His mum reaches over and puts a hand on his thigh.

"You think so much with your head," she says softly. "You sometimes forget about your heart."

"Mum," he groans, letting his head roll back on the chair.

She laughs, her hand coming up to poke his chest. "Alright, yeah, it was cheesy. But this time, you're thinking with your head. Which has, you know, forgotten a lot of these things. But your heart, Donghyuck-ah. I'm willing to bet that hasn't forgotten. I know it's going to be strange with Jaeminie, but... trust him. Trust yourself, and your heart."

"I... just... Jaemin," he flounders, hand waving around in the air helplessly.

She hums. "You know, when you first told me about the two of you, I thought it was... strange. I didn't expect it at all. I think you were surprised, too. But when I saw you two together, without the cameras, without everything, it seemed like you were both comfortable. And it looked so easy for you, Donghyuck-ah. It was so nice to see you so happy. And I didn't question it anymore. You might think that in those three years maybe you've moved fast, but... there was nothing surprising about you two getting married."

"Only two months ago," Donghyuck whispers. He looks down at his hand and tries to imagine a ring there. Jaemin still has it, he realises. Jaemin still has it around his neck. He takes in a shuddering breath. "I just... it's meant to be Jaemin's honeymoon period, right? Only two months. And now his husband doesn't even remember being his husband. I can't... I can't imagine how that must feel."

She flicks gently under his chin, and gently reminds him that it's his honeymoon period, too. Not just Jaemin's. Doesn’t let Donghyuck distance himself from the title of being Jaemin’s said husband.

"You're in it together," she tells him. "You're both in a lot of pain. But you need to help each other. He's going to be there for you, and you need to make sure you're there for him too. Don't shut him out, okay? I know that's a lot to ask, and it's going to be hard, but give it a chance, Donghyuck-ah. Give him a chance. I'm sure you'll start to understand some things, even if you don't remember them."

"Okay," he whispers.

She then pokes his cheek. "And stop being a pessimist under the guise of being objective. It's not like you."

"I'm not being a pessimist," he mutters.

She laughs at him. "You are, just a little bit. I'm not saying you need to be in denial, or be happy and joyful, but you're not going to heal if you keep thinking the worst of this. I'll be in the house as well for a while, okay? But there's only so much I can do, and I won't let you use me as a barrier between you and Jaeminie, okay? He's a good kid. My favourite son-in-law. I don't want to be in that position."

He nods, understanding her message. She'll help, but it's not up to her when it comes to Donghyuck's emotions about Jaemin. She's making sure he'll talk to him.

Which makes sense. He gets it. But his heart still pounds in something like fear.

She sighs and then leans over to kiss his cheek.

"You're my favourite person in this whole world," she says, brushing his hair back. "And you were three years ago, too. Some things don't change, alright?"

"You're my favourite person too," he says with a grateful, small smile. She coos at him, and they leave it at that.

They eat the rest of their ice cream, and his mum complains about her sticky hands because she got a cone and it melted too fast as they talked, and it's a nice moment. Everything, for that time, feels normal. Feels like how it always has.

And then she puts her hand on the steering wheel, and Donghyuck is snapped back to reality.

Donghyuck almost expects that he'll recognise his house.

But his mum pulls into a complex that brings forth no kind of familiarity, and his heart sinks. He sits quietly as he's wheeled into the elevator, chest swirling with so many emotions as his mum pushes the button for the floor he must live on.

They're up high. Lots of security. He doesn't recognise the hallway as his mum wheels him out, certain of where she's going, and Donghyuck's heart aches.

He misses his house. The one he remembers.

She puts in a code, lets him see it, and Donghyuck figures it out quickly. It's a date — and, according to the current time, roughly two months ago.

The wedding date, he’d guess.

He has to bite down on the inside of his cheek, hoping it'll suppress some of the overwhelming emotions that rise up inside of him.

"Jaemin-ah," his mum calls out as she opens the door. Jaemin's already turning around the corner, greeting them with a smile.

"Hey," he greets them with. He stands in front of Donghyuck, a smile on his face as he tilts his head and crouches down. "Went and stopped from ice cream, huh?"

Before Donghyuck can process it, Jaemin's thumb swipes at something at the corner of his mouth; a small bit of ice cream he hadn't been able to wipe away properly. Donghyuck's cheeks and ears burn, and he ducks his head — not before catching the way Jaemin also goes a little tense, frozen for a split-second.

His mum clears her throat.

Donghyuck's attention is turned away from Jaemin in favour of looking around the apartment. His apartment. Their apartment.

It's big, but not so big that it feels like there's wasted space. It's rather neutral in colours, Donghyuck's preferred style, with darker curtains over the windows. Spots of colour live burst through in smaller objects — which are cat toys, he realises.

He doesn't even really realise that his mum is pushing him further into the apartment. He's not even really paying attention to either of them — he's just trying to take in everything about the apartment, trying to find anything that's familiar.

One of the cats peers around the corner. Donghyuck looks at it, trying to remember which one of the cats this one is.

"Hello Luna," Jaemin coos, bending down to encourage her closer. She's wary, watching the wheelchair hesitantly, and she doesn't come any closer. Jaemin tuts at her, tells her it's alright, but doesn't try any further. Donghyuck finds his eyes locked with Luna, both of them staring at each other.

He feels regretful, looking at her. Guilty. She must remember him, but he only has the memory of quickly meeting her once when he was rushed between schedules but trying to do his part in meeting Jaemin's new pets.

Jaemin and his mum are speaking to each other again, but it's mostly about the fact that Jaemin has set up the guest room for her, so Donghyuck tunes them out again as he continues to look around.

His eyes lock on a pillow that's on the couch. That one, he realises, is familiar.

While his mum is distracted, Donghyuck takes the chance to put his hands on the wheels and slowly gets used to the feeling of pushing himself around. At least it’s a straight line so that he doesn't need to worry about steering the chair.

His mum and Jaemin go quiet, and he feels them watching him, but thankfully neither of them stops him as he slowly wheels his way over to the couch. He grabs the pillow, and while it's a little more worn than he remembers, this is definitely his. Something he remembers.

He clenches it, unsure of what to make of everything swirling in his chest. Relief, because there's something familiar. But that familiar feeling of fear, too. Because it means he does live here now. He's picked up the pieces of the life he remembers and has moved it all here.

And it's all changed.

He puts the pillow in his lap. Whatever, he tells himself as he feels embarrassed by clutching it like this. He thinks he has an excuse for holding it after having three years' worth of amnesia.

He looks around, catching sight of some photographs sitting by the tableside next to the couch. He doesn't have to wheel far, and he picks up the first one he sees.

It's of Jaemin and Donghyuck, both dressed in suits. Donghyuck's clutching at Jaemin's clothes and pulling him in for a kiss — or, close enough. But they're both laughing, their smiles so visible and fond from the side like this.

Donghyuck's stomach flutters. His vision swims. He puts down the photograph and swallows thickly.

Behind that photo, there are a couple of others. One with them standing with their families all together, both of them smiling brightly in the middle of them all. Donghyuck exhales heavily, and then looks at the last one on the table.

Jisung is the one holding the camera, his arm extended as he takes a selca with all seven Dream members. They're all grinning, happy — genuine, this much Donghyuck can tell.

They look older. He runs a hand down his cheek, feeling the stubble at his jaw. How much older does he look? How much has he changed?

He hasn't looked at himself in the mirror. Not properly, not yet. He's been helped to the bathroom in the hospital, where he had a chance to, but he's carefully kept his gaze away from the mirror, not quite ready to see the evidence that he's also changed. He can feel that his body is different — older, more spots sore that probably aren't just from the car accident. But he's still fit. Still strong.

But he's not quite sure he's ready to see the changes in his face.

Jaemin walks over to him, while his mum heads down the hallway.

"Do you want a little house tour?" Jaemin asks, gesturing around.

"Um, sure," Donghyuck says, fidgeting a little in his seat. He knows it's strange that he needs to be shown around a place that should be his own, but Jaemin takes it with easy grace. He gets behind Donghyuck's chair, moving him smoothly.

He wheels him to the kitchen first, which Donghyuck can kind of already see is a kitchen and all, but Jaemin starts opening up cabinets and showing him the places where items go.

"I'll move some of the mugs down," Jaemin says, "so that you can reach them."

"I won't be in the wheelchair much longer," Donghyuck points out. The doctors suggest he should try and use the crutches within a week or so — just keeping the pressure and movement away from his ribs more than anything for this week, and just to make sure his concussion doesn't unbalance him either.

"It's still not fun to reach up for things with crutches," Jaemin replies with a shrug. "And, Donghyuck-ah, please don't try and reach for anything if you need it. Just ask, alright?"

"Alright," Donghyuck mutters, a little put-out.

Jaemin points out a few more things, but then he's moving on. There isn't much to describe about their main living room, so he moves down the hallway, opening up the doors and showing him one of their bathrooms.

"This is for guests more than anyone," Jaemin says.

"Usually our mums?" Donghyuck guesses.

Jaemin hums. "Sometimes. But Jisung and Jeno come by a lot as well and stay the night. So do the other members, on occasion. So it's used quite a lot. I'm pretty sure that's actually Jeno's towel in there."

"I see," Donghyuck says, trying to imagine the image of any of the members standing in this unfamiliar bathroom. Part of his home — a space they've made to welcome their friends and family.

He gestures to the slightly open door, which Donghyuck hears his mum moving around the room inside of. "That's our guest room."

"Obviously," Donghyuck adds quietly, having already figured as much. Jaemin huffs but doesn't call him out on the attitude.

It's only because he's listening for it, waiting for it, that he catches the way Jaemin hesitates slightly as he approaches one of the doors. Jaemin pulls himself back together by the time he steps around the chair and gets in line of Donghyuck's vision, but Donghyuck can still tell he's tense about this.

"This is the master bedroom," Jaemin says. Donghyuck takes note of the way he's avoided saying our bedroom.

Jaemin opens up the door, and Donghyuck feels like he's holding his breath.

The room isn't familiar. Not his room. Not as he remembers.

But he looks at it, and he can tell, instinctively, whose side of the bed is whose. Not because he knows, or remembers, but because he can tell by the way the items are laid out on each bedside table. The way that Jaemin's side has a specific pillow to help his back, and the way Donghyuck's own side has one more pillow resting on the headboard as well.

Donghyuck's bedside has a whole bunch of charging cords dangling from it, a lamp, a glasses case, a diffuser, a couple of vitamin or prescription bottles, and a speaker. Jaemin's side has a digital clock, a case for something Donghyuck doesn't know, even more bottles than Donghyuck, one charging cord, and a couple of printed photographs.

The other two cats are in here too. They have beds on Jaemin's side of the room, and they look up lazily at Donghyuck's entrance. Like Luna, they watch him warily with the wheelchair, and look ready to bolt the second he goes a little too far into the room for their comfort.

"Do I usually get along with them?" Donghyuck asks, referring to the cats.

"You do," Jaemin confirms. "They're just skittish from the wheelchair. They'll get used to it."

It's not that Donghyuck is worried about what the cats think of him, necessarily, but he's just worried about the fact that he might be the one who isn't able to get used to them.

Jaemin wheels him into the room, and Lucy and Luke take the chance to create some more distance. Jaemin points out his side of the bed, which Donghyuck had guessed correctly, and then shows him the attached bathroom.

"Oh, wow," Donghyuck says. "We even have a bath?"

"Kind of a necessity with all the injuries," Jaemin replies easily. "But it's nice to have anyway to relax."

Donghyuck figures the injuries probably just extend to their usual work-related ones. Backs and necks and knees. Grimly, he thinks neither of them probably thought it'd be used for something like this.

Still, it'll be easier to wash himself with it, and he's glad for that now.

Jaemin wheels him back out in the living room, and then helps him move to the couch. Donghyuck uses the pillow on his lap to put under his leg, keeping it elevated as he lies down.

"No screens for a little," Jaemin reminds him when his gaze lingers on the television remote. Donghyuck pointedly looks away from it.

Jaemin and his mum work together in the kitchen, moving easily around each other. They both glance over at him every now and then, but eventually, Donghyuck lets his head rest back and closes his eyes. The sounds of their low tones, and the sound and smell of a proper meal cooking, make him feel more familiar and comfortable than he has been at any point in the hospital.

He's tired, he realises. His body aches, and he's just moved around a whole lot more than he has for the past few days. He's also still sore, and his senses are still a little overwhelmed by everything.

But it's better, now, with Jaemin and his mum. Soon enough, he's drifting to sleep on the couch, settling into a light doze.

He's woken a little while later by his mum looking a little regretful, telling him he should eat. Donghyuck sits up with her help, and she puts another pillow down on his lap so she can put the warm food there. Jaemin comes over with a glass of water and his palm out, and Donghyuck takes the medication he's offered and downs it quickly. The sleep had been nice, but he's definitely aching more.

Jaemin and his mum sit on the other two seats, letting Donghyuck keep the couch for himself so he can keep his leg stretched out. They eat their meal, and while it's strange being so quiet, it doesn't feel uncomfortable. They finish up, and his mum takes their dishes to clean while she ushers them out.

"Go get him washed up," she tells Jaemin, gesturing with her head to the bathroom. "He's already halfway to sleep again."

It's true — the meal has just made him even more sleepy, and the medication probably has made him drowsy as well too, and he's fighting against sleep as Jaemin wheels him to the bathroom.

"We're just going to wash your face and brush your teeth," Jaemin says, putting some things aside on the counter. "You've missed a few days of skincare, so we should try and get that back on track."

Donghyuck just nods lazily. He doesn't really see the point of it, but his skin does feel a little oily, and he really does want as much of the hospital stench away from him as possible.

First, he brushes his teeth, using a bowl Jaemin gives him to spit into because he can't reach the sink without straining up. Probably just so Donghyuck doesn't feel awkward doing it alone, Jaemin brushes his teeth as well.

Jaemin sets out different products, sitting on the edge of the bathtub as he pulls Donghyuck's chair closer to him. Donghyuck is about to reach for the product he recognises as facewash — different brand than he usually uses, but he can still tell — but Jaemin tuts.

"You don't remember how to do it the way your dermatologist suggests," Jaemin says lightly.

But Donghyuck thinks it's not just about that. This isn't for Donghyuck's sake alone — this is for Jaemin, too. So Donghyuck remains quiet and lets Jaemin take the products, watching as he pours it on his fingers and rubs it between his fingertips before guiding Donghyuck to close his eyes.

His touch is gentle as he rubs circles into Donghyuck's skin. He's pretty sure he could have done this himself, really, but he doesn't point that out.

"You're cute with stubble," Jaemin tells him, fingers currently running over the spots of it on his jaw. Donghyuck is kind of curious about it himself, but he's also not too eager to look in the mirror yet just for that.

Jaemin washes his face just as gently. Donghyuck keeps his eyes closed as Jaemin puts different products on his face, and the motions almost make him doze off again. By the time Jaemin is done, Donghyuck is ready to lie down and crash.

Jaemin laughs at something fondly, and he feels a hand brush his hair back, and his head rolls with the movement. He's moving then, again, wheeled down the hallway.

It's a bit more effort to get him from the wheelchair to the bed, but they manage to do it. The bed is comfortable, certainly better than the hospital bed, and he sinks down into it easily. His leg means he can only sleep on his back, but he's so tired that he doesn't care.

And he's glad, really. That he's already so close to sleep. Because it means he doesn't really think about the fact that he shares this bed with Jaemin. That Jaemin's crawling into the other side of it.

That this is their bed.

He just tilts his head into Jaemin's warmth and falls asleep.

He wakes up to a cat in his face.

He blinks at, confused. Since when—

Ah.

Right.

"Hi, Luna," he whispers. She tilts her head, pads at his chest, and then jumps down from the bed.

Okay.

Okay, so this is real.

He's reminded very acutely of that fact as he wakes up in so much fucking pain.

"Oh my god," he whispers, wanting to curl into himself now that he's realising just how badly everything aches, but his ribs immediately protest. He gasps, hands clutching at his bedsheets as his eyes squeeze shut. "Fuck, fuck, ow-"

"Hey, hey, okay, okay, come on, sit up," Jaemin's voice is telling him, and suddenly there's a hand on his back, helping him sit up. "Okay, yep, mouth open. Swallow."

A tablet is popped into his mouth, and cool water is tipped in to follow. He swallows as ordered, and the motion repeats once more before he can finally lower himself back down.

"Sorry," Jaemin is saying. A weight dips close to his legs as Jaemin takes a seat on the edge of the mattress. "I let you sleep a little longer, but..."

"It's okay," Donghyuck says, blindly reaching for Jaemin. "It's okay. Thanks for letting me sleep."

He feels Jaemin take his hand, holding onto him as the pain continues to rise. And then it settles out, finally, until Donghyuck can properly keep his eyes open and doesn't feel like curling up so much in pain.

"There's breakfast waiting for you," Jaemin says. "Well, it's closer to lunch now. But you can eat it in here, if you want."

"You'd hate that," Donghyuck says, knowing how particular Jaemin is about keeping his bed tidy.

Jaemin laughs kindly. "You're right. But I'll make an exception this time. I don't mind at all if it's easier for you."

Donghyuck thinks for a moment. Tries to imagine standing up right now, or even moving to the wheelchair.

"I think it would be," he hates to admit, but Jaemin just hums kindly and brushes back his hair.

"That's fine, Donghyuckie. I'll be back in a moment," Jaemin replies. It's a kind of tenderness Donghyuck isn't quite sure what to do with — he's not really sure if he's ever heard Jaemin be this soft with him before. Ever.

Is this what they're like now? Soft? Sickeningly sweet? It's cute, but... it seems unattainable. Too far from what he remembers.

When Jaemin walks back in with food, and Donghyuck has hoisted himself up as much as he can, he decides to ask.

"Are you sure I'm awake right now?" He asks Jaemin.

Jaemin tilts his head, but sets down the food without pause. "Well, your eyes are open, and you're talking. That seems pretty awake to me, unless you're sleep-talking."

"Right," Donghyuck drags out, taking the food. It's light, thankfully, and he slowly picks at it. Jaemin takes a seat again at the edge of the bed and waits until he's done to take the bowl.

It's only when Jaemin leaves that he realises it. Shit. He needs to go to the bathroom.

He looks at the door. Considers calling out.

And then his throat jams. He'd been helped by nurses, before, in the hospital. But now it's only his mum and Jaemin, and if he calls out, which one is going to come in? He's not too sure how he feels about either of them helping him go to the bathroom.

He knows they're meant to help him. They're probably expecting this, ready to deal with it. But Donghyuck, suddenly, does not feel like he can quite handle it. It feels too embarrassing to need help with such a thing.

"Okay," he tells himself, swallowing thickly. He looks at the bathroom door. "It's only like, two steps. You can hobble. You can do this." He manages to get himself seated upright properly, is able to swing his legs on the side of the bed. He clenches his hands on the edge of the mattress. "Okay, one, t-"

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jaemin's high-pitched, slightly panicked voice rings out in the room.

Donghyuck immediately deflates. Shit. God. Fuck.

Jaemin hurries over, crouching in front of him.

"Jesus Christ, Donghyuck-ah. What the fuck?" Jaemin's voice is still panicked, hands fluttering like he's about to stop Donghyuck from attempting to stand. Donghyuck makes no such attempt now that he's been caught, and he's starting to realise that his leg really fucking hurts after rocking the slightest amount of weight on it. He knows that if he were to stand, it would have gone terribly.

Donghyuck ducks his head, not quite able to look at Jaemin, but Jaemin follows his gaze, making him look.

"Donghyuck-ah," he says firmly, demanding an answer.

Donghyuck's eyes water.

Oh, god. This is worse. This is so much worse. He should have just stood up — maybe he would have fallen, but maybe he would have made it to the bathroom. Either option would have been better than being caught like this, with his eyes now watering as he starts to feel a terrible rise of helpless frustration.

"What were you trying to do?" Jaemin asks, voice softening now.

Donghyuck puts his elbow over his eyes and shakes his head. Nevermind. Nevermind going to the bathroom. He'll just lie back down and hopefully never get up again.

Jaemin gets his hands under Donghyuck's arm and cups his cheeks.

"Donghyuckie. Come on, it's okay. Did you want to get up? Did you need something?" Jaemin asks, voice even more achingly tender. Donghyuck's eyes flood over now, tears spilling down.

It's made even worse because he knows Jaemin can feel the tears landing on his fingers. It's all too much, suddenly. Everything crashes into him. An ugly sob rises up out of his chest, catching in his throat, but attempting to stop it only makes his sides ache. And then that just makes him even more upset, and he tries to control his heaving breaths just to try and stop the pain. But it's an ugly cycle — he's upset because he's like this, and he's getting worse because he's upset.

"Donghyuckie, come on, come on, it's okay. You've got to calm down," Jaemin's voice is rising again, panicking now. There's a trace of fear in his tone that only makes Donghyuck feel so much worse. "Come on, baby. Come on, one deep breath. Match my counts, come on. One, two, three— it's okay, it's okay. Come on, inhale. One, two. There we go. There we go. Okay, one more."

One more, then another, and another, until the pain in his ribs starts to fade as he gets his sobs under control. His head is throbbing something terrible, even worse than before, but he's so embarrassed that he can hardly care. He swipes angrily at his eyes, but Jaemin gently catches his wrists and stops him from being too harsh.

He leans over and is able to get a tissue to blot at Donghyuck's cheeks and eyes. Donghyuck almost can't take the way his heart aches as he sees Jaemin's expression.

"My baby," Jaemin says, all too kindly again, "it's hard, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry," Donghyuck rasps out, guilt curling inside of him as he remembers the way Jaemin's voice had been so panicked, all the terrible emotions he's causing Jaemin to feel. He's just made it so much harder for him just because he wanted to do this alone.

Jaemin cups his cheeks again. "It's okay. But try not to scare me like that again, hm? What did you want to do? Let's do it together."

"I... I just need the bathroom," Donghyuck mumbles, ashamed.

Jaemin lets out a long breath. "Okay. Then let's do that."

Donghyuck is still embarrassed, but he knows there's no escaping this now. At least it's easier getting up with Jaemin's help and head to the bathroom. He stays behind Donghyuck, making sure he doesn't lean to either side as he stands up. He's there to help Donghyuck hobble over to the sink. He takes the chance to brush his teeth as well, while Jaemin strictly tells him to stay leaning against the counter as he goes to get the wheelchair.

And finally, he looks in the mirror.

His face is... strange.

Familiar, but it's like looking at a stranger. He's older. His hair is long and dark, but he hasn't even noticed that because parts have been clipped back out of his face.

He's got wounds on his face. Bruising around his jaw — he thought Jaemin was being careful of the stubble, but now he can tell it's because the skin is a mix of purple and yellow hues. There are small cuts on his cheek, nose, and a gash on his forehead that cuts through his eyebrow. He gingerly touches it, but it isn't as sore as he expects it to be.

Still, it's a frightening sight. He looks worse than he thought he would have. His face didn't feel that sore, not compared to everything else, but the sight of the injuries shows otherwise.

Jaemin walks back in, leaning against the doorframe as he waits for Donghyuck to finish assessing his face.

"Well," Donghyuck tries to laugh, because he thinks he might cry again if he thinks about the impact this is going to have on what his face is going to look like in the future now. Forever. "I look ready for Punch promotions."

Jaemin rolls his eyes at the joke and helps Donghyuck into the wheelchair. He wheels Donghyuck out into the living room, where his mum is waiting, already giving him a disappointing look despite the fact she shouldn't actually know what happened yet. Her face only sours when Jaemin tells her what happened.

"You're so smart, my darling," she tells him, walking closer, and then she pinches at his cheek. "But you are so stupid sometimes. Idiot."

"I deserve that," he mutters in agreement. She huffs in anoyance but ruffles his hair fondly.

"Just ask for help next time, sweetheart," she sighs. "We don't mind. Do you forget that I've seen you naked plenty of-"

"Okay! Okay! I get it, no more walking by myself," Donghyuck assures. "Trust me, I learned my lesson."

They sit with him as they begin to talk, shifting between topics. Donghyuck starts to ask questions — about his hyungs’ enlistments, about what some of the members have released, what kind of activities they've had.

"Would you be up to see them?" Jaemin asks, pocketing his phone after updating their members on Donghyuck's condition. "Not today, or anything, but..."

"Today is okay," Donghyuck finds himself saying. He wants to see them. Morbidly curious, perhaps, about what they're like now. What the three years have shaped them into. And he knows they're worried, too. And he doesn't want them to be. He wants to reassure them as much as he can.

Jaemin and his mum make absolutely certain that he's up for it. They tell him he can rest at any time, that everyone will understand. And it won't be everyone today, anyway — some of them are caught up in schedules, and everyone's hesitant to overwhelm him even though they want to see him, apparently.

In the end, Mark, Doyoung, and Jeno come together at first.

Mark whistles low when he sees Donghyuck — he's lying on the couch, waiting for his members to come to him.

"Jesus," he says, voice close to cracking. "Donghyuck-ah. You look..."

"Awful? Terrible?" Donghyuck fills in for him.

Mark huffs and wraps his arms around Donghyuck as best as he can. "You look better, idiot. So much better."

Jeno comes up next, ruffling his hair with a smile. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a car," Donghyuck replies.

For that, Jeno lightly punches him in the arm. He figures he deserves that.

Doyoung comes up next, his eyes watering. Donghyuck has to look up to the ceiling so that his own don't.

Doyoung crouches down and takes his hand, and then presses their joined hands to his forehead and whispers a small prayer. When he's done, he leans up to press a kiss to Donghyuck's head.

They look different. Older.

But still, they have the same smiles. The same laughter. Donghyuck drinks in all their differences — and all their similarities — as they place themselves down around the living room. But none of them put themselves too far from Donghyuck either.

Later comes Renjun, Chenle, and Jisung. They hurry in together, all looking eager to see him. They're careful as they hug him, minding his ribs, and ask him how he's feeling even as Jeno warns them not to. He doesn't make the same joke twice, but they can all tell it's on the tip of his tongue.

It's like a punch to the gut as he sees Chenle and Jisung. They definitely do look more grown. His eyes linger on Jisung, trying to take in the fact that Jisung is now the age he last remembers being.

"Hyung," Chenle says hesitantly, looking uncertain. "Do you... really remember nothing?"

Donghyuck considers trying to keep the atmosphere light, but he finds that he doesn't quite know how to anyway. So he just shrugs and says, "Yeah. Three years, and... nothing. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," Chenle says, aghast. "God. But that must be hard for you."

Donghyuck also catches the way they glance at Jaemin too, the unspoken it must be hard for you, too.

"They're optimistic," Donghyuck says, trying to reassure him. "Amnesia happens sometimes with head wounds and all that. These things are usually temporary."

His attempt to be reassuring has accidentally backfired — he's used the wrong words. The reminder of there being such a significant head wound, that he's so injured, is a lingering dark cloud that suddenly envelops the entire room.

Jeno asks him about his leg and ribs, which doesn't really help with the mood, but there is, at least, the reminder that some things will definitely heal.

Donghyuck starts to flag, exhaustion pulling at him quicker than he'd like. Everyone seems attuned to this, as they all start to head out, giving Donghyuck a few more gentle hugs and soft words of goodbye, promising they'll visit again.

Jaemin manages to get one more meal into him, some more tablets, and then, before Donghyuck knows it, he's asleep again.

More days bring more visitors. Taeyong, Johnny and Taeil come together. Then Yuta, and Doyoung again with him. Jungwoo and Jaehyun both organise calls as well — which is nice, in its own way because Donghyuck's mind isn't at war with hearing their voices with older faces he doesn't quite know entirely.

Another visitor, which is slightly surprising, is Jaemin's own mum. Jaemin gives him a warning about it, as well as a question: are you okay with it if she does come?

Donghyuck is fine with it, because he wants Jaemin to have that same kind of reassurance and support he feels around his own mum, but he admits that he isn't sure if he'll know how to talk to her.

He's met her a few times, but never as Jaemin's husband. Not even as his boyfriend. Not that he remembers, at least.

But Jaemin reassures him that it's fine, that she understands, and to just address her however it feels comfortable.

She arrives with a basket of meals and fruits and a bright smile just like Jaemin’s. She coos over Donghyuck immediately, sympathetically soft with him. And he decides to call her mum, just as Jaemin sometimes calls his mum the same. She beams, bright and wide, and Donghyuck decides it's worth it even if it feels a little strange on his tongue.

His mum and Jaemin's mum get along well, and they both conspire to give them a nice dinner reservation together. Donghyuck thinks his mum deserves a nice dinner for all of this, and though he can't take her himself, Jaemin offers up his own mum. She's exasperated at first, saying she planned to be here for Donghyuck, but Jaemin tells her this would be good for Donghyuck's mum too.

So they go, and Donghyuck is very suddenly hit with the realisation that for the first time — or, at least, the first time he remembers and hasn't been asleep for, Jaemin and Donghyuck are in their home together. Alone.

They sit out on the couch together, Donghyuck's leg propped up with a chair, staring at a TV screen that isn't turned on.

"You know," Donghyuck says, trying to pretend like he doesn't feel like his head is spinning with the fact that Jaemin is my husband, and we're alone, and we've. Well. Probably had a lot of sex, right? He's jumping the gun a little, but he's kind of just been trapped with his own thoughts for way too long lately. And way too many memories of what Jaemin had looked like in one of the last few times he remembers. "If I've ever said that there's something I wish I could listen to or watch for the first time again, this is my chance."

Jaemin snorts. "I can probably find a few things."

Donghyuck hums, resting his head back on the couch. "Well, I can almost look at screens again. The time is coming."

Only a day or two more, he'd bet. Jaemin makes a noise of consideration but doesn't offer any suggestions. It's clear his mind is occupied with something else. Eventually, Donghyuck cracks.

"What is it?" He asks.

Jaemin rolls his head over. "What?"

"Whatever you're thinking about. What is it?"

Jaemin looks like, for a moment, he might deflect. Donghyuck reaches over and puts a hand on his thigh, and silently encourages him to speak about it. Jaemin swallows thickly but doesn't look away from him.

"I want... I want to ask what you remember last. Between us," Jaemin clarifies quickly. "I didn't want to ask in front of your mum, because..."

Donghyuck is kind of ready to spill about this. Even though the words are hurried and frantic, it's been ready to burst for a while now, because this is definitely also something he hasn't wanted to bring up in front of his own mum.

"The last thing I remember is me sucking your dick when I was promoting for Fact Check, so... yeah," Donghyuck coughs.

Jaemin nods, head rolling back to look at the screen. "I thought it might be something like that."

"It wasn't... meant to be anything serious, right?" Donghyuck asks, uncertain. He still doesn't know how to process the jump between the last thing he remembers to the fact they're husbands.

"At first, when you remember? No," Jaemin replies with a small shrug. "Has anyone ever told you, though, that it's a terrible idea to go sucking the dick of the guy you have a crush on? Because that was a terrible plan."

"I didn't mind," Donghyuck mutters, cheeks flaming. It'd been worth it, getting to see Jaemin fall apart, being able to finally put to rest so many questions he had.

So what if he was harbouring the smallest, teeniest crush? He didn't expect anything of it. He could get over it. They were just two members fooling around, releasing steam and getting mutual satisfaction. And Jaemin was ready to get over his breakup, and Donghyuck was willing, and it was a fine plan. They'd fool around, nothing would come of it, and Donghyuck would surely, somehow, eventually move on.

Or, well, not. He obviously went wrong somewhere there.

"I know you didn't," Jaemin laughs. "Still a terrible idea. I didn't really fall for you until a couple of months later, when you called it off."

"I called it off?" Donghyuck asks, surprised. "No way."

"You kept breaking your own heart, dumbass," Jaemin says simply. "And then, well, something something, we had a big argument. Very dramatic. Renjun even cried because we were both being stupid."

"Oh, god," Donghyuck mutters, mortified.

"Yep," Jaemin laughs again. "We got it together eventually, though. Figured it out. Renjun hates us for being the worst couple he knows, but we're actually his favourite. He cried at the wedding. Jisung did too. And you."

"Me."

"You," Jaemin repeats, in absolute and utter delight.

"You would have too, then! You can't help but cry when other people do," Donghyuck protests, leaning over to poke his side. Jaemin squirms, laughing, but his smile turns into something fond.

"Yeah, you're right," Jaemin admits. "We both did."

"Knew it," Donghyuck says, nodding in satisfaction to himself, trying to act like his heart isn't currently attempting to claw its way out of his chest.

Jaemin strokes the back of his head fondly.

"Hey, Jaemin-ah?" Donghyuck asks, having to stare intently at the screen now because he can't quite bring himself to look at Jaemin.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry for being a lousy husband," Donghyuck says, because his heart just aches and aches as he tries to imagine their wedding, picturing that same kind of happiness from the photograph. Aches as he thinks of the way their friends look at Jaemin, and it's clear there's a big hole here. Something too big for Donghyuck to fill as he is now.

Jaemin tuts at him, rolling his entire body over now, cupping Donghyuck's cheeks and forcing him to turn his head to look at him.

"Hey," he says, "you're doing just fine. I love you as you are. And don't... don't think you need to say it back. I know what we were like, back in the time you remember. It took us a lot of messiness to get here. I know better than anyone. I don't expect you to suddenly know and act how we used to."

"It's not fair to you," Donghyuck says, taking hold of Jaemin's hands. "This isn't fair."

"No," Jaemin agrees, "it's not to either of us. But we just have to deal with it. And... Donghyuck-ah, I'm okay with how it is now."

"It's hard for you too," Donghyuck frowns at him.

Jaemin smiles, trying to raise up Donghyuck's cheeks so he does the same. When it doesn't quite work, he lets his hands just sit there as he stares intently into Donghyuck's eyes.

"It is," he admits. "But Donghyuckie, it could have been much worse. So I'm okay with it now. You're okay. You will be. So let's not worry about other things, okay? Let's look after each other like that."

Donghyuck closes his eyes. Tries to imagine the feeling of Jaemin's hands like this on his cheeks. Tries to convince himself this is a feeling he knows well.

"Okay," he says. "Okay, Jaeminie. Let's do that."

When Donghyuck is finally able to look at screens, Jaemin hovers a little more.

Donghyuck knows why — there's so much of their lives out in the public media, and it'd be easy to stumble across something that's a little too much.

Some days, it is. On the strangest of things. Watching vlogs of Chenle and Jisung sends him into a spiral. Practice videos to choreography he doesn't remember. Songs that have his voice but he doesn't remember how to sing them.

He copies them, humming them around the house, but he starts to quieten that habit when he starts to see the way his mum and Jaemin get hopeful, thinking he's remembered something.

His mum is still around, but she doesn't stay all the time now. A couple of times, she brings his siblings to visit, and that does send Donghyuck into a spiral the second they're out of hearing range because he can't quite deal with how much more grown they've become and he doesn't remember.

Jaemin will usually pick out things for him to watch, just easy things — building up over the years, videos closer to the timeline he remembers to start with, and then slowly working his way up from there. He also passes Donghyuck over his phone — a new one, apparently. Saved with all of his cloud data, but his last one had been smashed in the accident.

But Donghyuck doesn't charge it up and open it for a while. Not until he gets the urge to talk to his friends, who are all excited to hear from him again, even if he's missing so many years of their friendship.

He opens up conversations, and it's disorientating to see the last message be something he doesn't recognise. He doesn't know what he was in the midst of talking to most of them about, but they all skip right past these kinds of things without looking back.

The only chat he doesn't open is Jaemin's. Mostly because Jaemin is always around, and it's easier to literally call out for him rather than text him.

But also because Donghyuck is nervous, almost, to see all that chat history. It would easily be the thing that chronologically details the change of their relationship the most, and Donghyuck can't quite bring himself to open it. Not for a while.

Not until he gets frustrated, one day, upset with his lack of progress. Jaemin has to go due to some schedules — unable to get away from them despite the company knowing he's looking after Donghyuck.

But they both know it'll start to get suspicious if Jaemin misses too many schedules that everyone else is in, so Jaemin goes.

It's been almost three weeks, now. And Donghyuck still remembers nothing.

He opens up Jaemin's chat.

Immediately, he regrets it.

The last messages in their chat had been about ten from Jaemin. Asking, pleading for Donghyuck to pick up. To answer him.

In Donghyuck's chat bubble, there is an unfinished, saved draft. A message half finished — just talking about his schedule, and how he's heading home. The sentence cuts off midway.

He scrolls up.

Jaemin had asked him how long until he was home. Two hours later, he was sending those messages.

It's not hard to piece it together. The crash happened as Donghyuck was replying. The news probably got to Jaemin within those two hours.

His stomach roils. He feels sick. Shaken, worse than ever.

He locks his phone and puts it down, and curls up on the couch as best as he can. He stays there until Jaemin comes back, strokes his hand through his hair, and helps him to bed.

They don't talk about it, but Jaemin sits up and stays awake for a while, flipping Donghyuck's phone in his hands with a blank, horrifyingly empty expression that haunts him.

Donghyuck wakes up, a few days later, to Jaemin's hushed, frustrated voice.

Their bedroom door is ajar, and he slowly sits up, listening out for Jaemin.

"Who published them?" Jaemin is almost whisper-shouting, his anger clear. Donghyuck's heart drops.

For a moment, his mind races. Is this about their relationship? Their marriage? Has someone leaked it to the public?

"How did they even— fuck! God. Can't they get them to take it down?" Jaemin is asking, his pacing audible. Jaemin groans, clearly not happy with the answer he receives over the phone. "Those photos— they're just going to freak people out. They're going to make all of this worse. Can't you—"

Jaemin's voice starts to trail off as he walks a little further, and seems to calm himself down just to speak.

Donghyuck wants to get out of this room. Wants to ask what's happening, what's making Jaemin like this.

He looks at the phone beside him.

He can find out.

He debates it for a few moments, but he's never heard Jaemin like this before. His fingers reach for the phone before he can think any further about it. He opens up his search bar and types his name in.

"Oh," he says, going cold. His fingers drop the phone.

Right there, right at the top, there are thumbnails. Images. Photographs.

Photographs of a car crumpled like paper. One side completely caved in.

And he knows, immediately, that this is the car he'd been in. This is the car he'd been texting Jaemin in, just on his way home, before they'd been struck by an oncoming driver.

His throat thickens. His eyes water. Still, he picks up the phone with shaking hands. Taps into an article, where there are more photos. Ambulances on the scene, and tape around the car.

No photos of Donghyuck, at least. But the photos of the car are enough.

Because he gets it, now. Why Jaemin is so soft. Why he's been insisting that this is fine.

Because the car looks destroyed. It looks like no one should have been able to walk away from that alive.

He's lucky, he realises, to have just gotten the injuries he did. Only a broken leg, ribs, and some bruises and scratches. Even the amnesia seems like a mild thing, now, looking at those photographs. He could have lost more than just his memories. He could have lost his life.

He doesn't realise it when Jaemin's phone call ends. He looks up, instinctively, when the door opens, but he doesn't register what's happening. Not until Jaemin's hurrying over, kneeling on the bed, hands on Donghyuck's cheeks with his thumb swiping under his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks Donghyuck, though it sounds underwater.

He looks around, and his eyes narrow in on the phone in Donghyuck's hands. He sucks in a sharp, pained breath, and quickly takes the phone away and locks it, throwing it on the other side of the bed.

"Oh you idiot," Jaemin says, voice choked. "You idiot."

"Sorry," Doghyuck says, over and over. Unable to really say anything else. His breath starts to hitch. His lungs stop feeling like they're really working.

Jaemin presses his forehead to Donghyuck's own, insistent as he gets Donghyuck's breathing to calm down. He puts a hand on his chest, counts out his breaths for him, reminds him that he can breathe. That he's okay. He's alive. He's okay. He's here.

Jaemin's here. Jaemin's here.

Donghyuck grabs onto his arms and holds on, pressing his face to Jaemin's shoulder. Lets himself cry — frustration and fear all releasing, the images of the car all playing behind his eyelids again and again.

It takes a while for him to calm down. But, finally, he does, and Jaemin pulls him out of the bedroom, leaves their phones behind, and sits him down to watch something that will take his mind off it. He makes them both a meal, and talks to him, his voice almost going croaky with how much he's speaking.

But Donghyuck appreciates it more than he can say. He tucks himself into Jaemin's side, holds onto him, and reminds himself that he's breathing. That they both are.

He starts to have nightmares.

He doesn't remember them, but he heaves like he can't breathe, his leg hurts, and his ribs feel like they're on fire. Jaemin always wakes up with him, rubbing his back, soothing him as much as he can.

Sometimes, Donghyuck can get back to sleep. Most of the time he can't, and he's left to stay up for most of the night, trying to forget the images of the car in his mind. Jaemin stays up with him, never once complaining.

Their friends and family continue to visit. Donghyuck knows it haunts them, too — the image of the car that's now made public. All of them seeing that kind of destruction, all of them trying to come to terms with the fact that Death had likely just been lenient that day to him.

Three weeks becomes four, then five.

Donghyuck is humming a song as he brushes his teeth, and he sees the way that Jaemin freezes behind him in the bathroom mirror. He spits, turning around with foam still around his mouth.

"What?" He asks.

Jaemin presses his lips together. He looks torn, like he's not sure how to feel.

"Donghyuck-ah," Jaemin says. "What song was that?"

"Huh?"

"The song you were humming. What was it?"

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows. He tries to think back, but he draws a blank. "Um. I don't remember. Why?"

Jaemin's eyes light up. He looks hopeful, suddenly, and he takes a step towards Donghyuck with a smile.

"Because that is an unreleased song," Jaemin says, voice rising with his excitement as his smile grows.

Donghyuck blinks, not making the connection. "What?"

"You haven't heard it. Not since the accident," Jaemin fills in.

Donghyuck's mouth drops.

"Are you certain?" He asks Jaemin.

Jaemin beams. "I'm certain."

"How? Maybe, maybe I heard it-"

"You haven't," Jaemin says, shaking his head. "You haven't, I know it."

Donghyuck hurries to wipe his mouth, rinsing out the remaining toothpaste, before he whirls back around. "Jaemin-ah, how are you certain?"

Jaemin puts his hands on Donghyuck's shoulders. "Because that's a song you wrote. For... for me. For the wedding. I haven't shown it to you. I know it."

"Oh my god," Donghyuck whispers out in disbelief, and then he's smiling too, matching Jaemin's excitement. "Oh my god, Jaemin-ah."

"You remembered it," Jaemin says, voice thick, but he's smiling as bright as ever.

And Donghyuck—

It's like his body knows this. Like it's instinct, like a flower drawn to sunlight as it beams. He leans forward and kisses Jaemin, his heart soaring.

And then, suddenly, it sinks.

He pulls back in shock.

"Oh, god," he says, eyes wide. "Oh my god, Jaemin-ah, I'm sorry, I don't— I didn't even think. I just— I wanted to, or my body wanted to, and—"

Jaemin's eyes twinkle. He presses his fingers to his lips, shy for a moment, before that smile returns.

"You can do it whenever you want," Jaemin reassures. "I'm yours, always. No matter how you remember me. And it seems like you're starting to, right?"

Donghyuck swallows, considers his words carefully, and then nods.

"I... I think so," he whispers, bursting with hope.

He can't remember the name of the song. Can't remember the lyrics. But he'd been humming it.

His body knew it. His mind did, somewhere, too.

And he knows he reached for Jaemin — kissed him — with that same kind of feeling.

It's not everything, but it's something.

"Hey," Donghyuck asks, deciding this may as well be the moment. He's been wondering this a while now, anyway, and this isn't something he's going to be able to find out by looking it up. "Who proposed to whom?"

Jaemin laughs, taken by surprise, but he grins bright and easy.

"I proposed to you," Jaemin answers.

"Huh," Donghyuck says, nodding. "Okay. Cool. Thanks."

"You're struggling to process it," Jaemin points out, raising his eyebrows.

Donghyuck isn't going to dare say that maybe he wasn't as ready for the question as he thought he was. So he clears his throat, shakes his head, and takes Jaemin's hand.

"Come on," he says. "I want to finish that show."

"You've already watched it," Jaemin groans.

"Well, I don't remember it! Come on!"

Six weeks pass since the accident. He gets his cast off, but he's still healing with his ribs, and he's not expected back to work yet. So he remains at home, going through physiotherapy, trying to gain strength back in his leg.

Things come back in bits and pieces. Music, mostly, comes to him first. Melodies, then lyrics. All in bits and pieces. A chorus here and there, a bridge, a line or two.

It helps when there are other members around who hum it as well. Voices are easier to place, and full songs are easier to piece together.

His body starts to remember some of the choreography, too. He's been watching a lot of it, but his body sometimes starts to move at the same time as the video and not a split-second behind.

And he starts to remember other things, too. The occasional conversation. Late night dinners. Drinks and laughter. Doyoung's shaved head, which brings him complete delight to recount to Doyoung when he remembers it.

Some things are still slower. Once again fed up with waiting, and sure that the first few messages won't freak him out, he tries again to scroll through his and Jaemin's conversation. Scrolls for a long time, until he gets to the point where he can start to remember their messages.

For a while, they just send locations back and forth. Times and places to meet up for a quick moment together. And Donghyuck can pick out the moment he starts going cold, the moment he keeps breaking his own heart. And then, for a while, there aren't any messages.

And then they start again. Both of them hesitant. Trying to piece together their new dynamic. It's strange, just reading about it, having to make assumptions about his very own relationship. But he reads through the messages, and his heart swells, because he thinks — somehow, if it's possible, if his body has somehow forgotten, he falls in love with Jaemin all over again.

When Jaemin comes home from his schedule, Donghyuck just tugs his shirt and pulls him in for a kiss.

Jaemin looks at him with a hopeful kind of expression that breaks his heart, but he refuses to ruin this moment.

"I don't remember," he says quickly, dashing Jaemin's hopes. "But I don't need to. I know— my body knows, and I know, that I love you."

Jaemin puts his hands on Donghyuck's hips and kisses him. Again and again and again, like this is all he ever wants to know.

And this isn't something Donghyuck knows, not in the same way, but he's eager to learn it all over again.

"Hey," Donghyuck says, his thumb currently feeling over a place on his ring finger that hasn't felt quite right for some time now.

"Mhm?" Jaemin says, looking up from his phone. Donghyuck digs his toes into Jaemin's thigh to properly demand his attention, and Jaemin obeys and locks his phone and sets it aside. "Yes, darling light of my life with frighteningly cold feet?"

"You lied to me," Donghyuck tells him.

Jaemin's expression pinches in confusion. "When?"

"I asked you who proposed to whom," Donghyuck answers.

Jaemin goes still. "Do you..."

"I proposed to you, dear husband," Donghyuck gives in answer.

Jaemin's expression is shocked. His mouth slightly parted as he tries to come to terms with the fact that Donghyuck remembers this.

Finally, Donghyuck thinks. It's about time he did.

"And, you know," Donghyuck says, holding his palm out, "you still have my ring."

"I do," Jaemin replies, voice still a little stunned. His hand comes up almost robotically to touch his necklace, where he's been keeping the ring safe all this time.

He's wanted it back for some time now, but it hasn't ever felt quite right to take it from Jaemin. Not yet. Not until now.

"Husband," Donghyuck says pointedly, "I'd like it back."

"It's yours," Jaemin hurriedly says, fingers scrambling to reach up around his neck to unclip the clasp.

Donghyuck keeps his hand out, waiting for Jaemin to drop the chain into his palm so he can slide it back on his finger. But Jaemin grabs tight hold of the chain, and then suddenly swings his legs off the couch.

And gets down on one knee, right in front of Donghyuck.

"You know we're already married," Donghyuck says, voice carefully measured so that he comes across not as affected as he feels. It's quite the sight, seeing Jaemin on his knee, holding out the ring for him that Donghyuck, very suddenly, remembers him sliding onto his hand during the wedding ceremony. He blinks, then laughs with surprise — it's getting easier for these memories to slot into place these days. "Hey, I just remembered some more of our wedding."

"I'm trying to propose here," Jaemin stresses, though he's smiling brightly at the mention of Donghyuck's memory.

"I still proposed first," Donghyuck says, just to tease him a little. But he holds out his hand, and both of them are smiling as the ring finally, finally, slides back onto Donghyuck's finger.

It's comfortable. A weight that feels like it was always meant to be there.

He pulls Jaemin up until Jaemin's on top of him and then kisses him.

And it finally feels like there's nothing missing.

—