Work Text:
[2023-09-01 09:32:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Arrival at tower
JARVIS observed Sergeant Barnes’ return to the tower, cataloging his expressions and movements. As much as an AI can have favorites, JARVIS had enjoyed Agent Barton. Clint had repeated his enjoinder to “watch over [grumpycat/the love of my life/that asshole/my baby] while I’m gone’ every time he had left the tower without Sergeant Barnes, so it seemed appropriate that JARVIS should maintain the task now that Clint was permanently gone.
So JARVIS watched. He watched as Sergeant Barnes reluctantly accepted hugs from Staff Sergeant Wilson and Ms. Potts upon his entrance into the main lounge. His mannerisms as he responded to their condolences and offers of assistance spoke to a discomfort he hadn’t displayed since his initial arrival to the tower. It was quite a step back from the open and charismatic man he had developed into.
[2023-09-01 13:16:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: meal consumption, inadequate caloric intake noted
JARVIS watched Captain Rogers provide Sergeant Barnes with two large sandwiches, an apple and glass of water for lunch. He compared the percentage eaten with previously logged data for similarly sized meals and tabulated it to be 30% of his normal intake. JARVIS created a new spreadsheet, populated it with historic data and created a new process to automatically populate future consumption. After a moment’s consideration he also added a subroutine that would calculate the estimated caloric totals for each 24 hour period, with a column that would annotate any difference between daily sum and daily nutritional requirements for Sergeant Barnes’ enhanced metabolism.
[2023-09-01 21:32:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Retired to sleeping quarters
Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes watched television programs with minimal conversation for a few hours after dinner [inadequate caloric intake noted] before Sergeant Barnes indicated he was ready to retire. The two men bunked together sharing quiet stories until they fell asleep.
[2023-09-01 23:11:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Begin sleep cycle
Now that Sergeant Barnes was asleep for the night JARVIS analyzed the totality of observations for the day on Sergeant Barnes’ behavior as compared to recent historical data. JARVIS noted interpersonal interactions had been significantly limited despite the continuous presence of others. Sergeant Barnes had spent a significant amount of time staring into space until another tower resident engaged his attention, and then his response time was delayed. His affect remained flat, aside from periodic episodes of agitation. Captain Rogers seemed to both provoke and soothe a higher percentage of the agitation occurrences than other inputs combined.
None of this data pinged any warning signals and JARVIS determined continued observation was warranted.
***
2 Sep
On his second night back in the tower Bucky politely but firmly scooted Steve back to his own rooms with a forced warmth and, “Get out of here, punk. I’m fine, go back to Sam.” Bucky appreciated that Steve wanted to make sure he was doing okay, and the soft reminiscences about Clint last night had been mostly pleasant, if bittersweet, but Bucky was already starting to feel smothered.
Bucky did his best to get to sleep early that night. He was beyond exhausted, but all he could do was lay tangled in the sheets, unable to get comfortable. The longer he lay there the more frustrated he got; it wasn’t like he’d never slept alone before — even since getting involved with Clint they had spent numerous nights apart. He’d never had issues getting to sleep before, but now the giant bed just emphasized how empty it was without Clint starfished on it.
A sudden fit of agitation found him rearranging the room. His own nightstand was relocated across the room so he could shove the bed until the frame was wedged in a corner. It left a weird gap, but he couldn’t bring himself to move Clint’s nightstand. So it stayed put with its collection of crumpled receipts, purple post-it notes, loose change and charging cords scattered on the top, untouched, an island in the room so far away from the bed.
Energy drained, he lay back down pressed tightly against the wall and curled around Clint’s pillow, face shoved into it and arms locked so tightly they ached around the misshapen lump Clint had refused to replace. Bucky tried counting sheep, tried to follow along to a sleep meditation on his phone, tried counting his breaths, tried everything he could to get his focus off of the empty space beside him. It was hours before he finally fell asleep.
Bucky screamed himself awake early the next morning, tears were streaming down his face and his throat felt shredded. He stumbled into the shower, still clothed and wrenched the shower faucet on as hot as it would go — he wanted, he needed, to burn the phantom sensations of thick wetness splattered across his body off. He struggled out of the soaked clothes, leaving them heaped in the corner of the shower and began scrubbing himself vigorously. He scrubbed until his skin was reddened and stung, until his hands couldn’t hold the loofa anymore and it tumbled from his fingers. The yawning maw of grief threatened to split him in half as he sank onto the floor and cried himself out.
***
[2023-09-02 21:45:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Display of erratic behavior, interior decorating
[2023-09-03 00:23:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Begin sleep cycle
[2023-09-03 03:39:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Sleep cycle disrupted [total sleep: 3 hours, 16 minutes]; signs of distress noted [lacrimation and screaming]. Visual access of subject restricted by entry into en suite. Intervention required: water temperature restricted to 46 degrees Celsius
[2023-09-03 04:25:00-05:00] Subject - James B. Barnes: Returned to bed, did not resume sleep state
JARVIS drafted another spreadsheet to track Sergeant Barnes’ sleep; he included a column to annotate if the sleep was disrupted by nightmares or if Sergeant Barnes woke naturally.