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Wen Qing was having a perfectly lovely afternoon lounging on the sofa, flicking through a new medical journal while some trashy daytime TV show played in the background when Wei Wuxian rudely burst through her door demanding fashion advice for a wedding of all things.
Best friend and little brother’s roommate status notwithstanding, there were times she deeply regretted giving the man a spare key.
“What? Wedding? What wedding? Whose wedding?”
“Me! Mine! Today!”
Wen Qing just
Blinked
At her friend.
That was apparently getting married today?
Now, Wen Qing was sadly accustomed to the small surprises Wei Wuxian’s ADHD addled brain liked to throw at her, but this seemed beyond the pale even for him, and her lazy day off brain wasn’t running on enough cylinders to catch this kind of curveball.
“You’re getting married? You?”
Wei Wuxian nodded vigorously, entirely body wriggling in seeming excitement.
“To who? Last I checked, you were single.”
“Lan Zhan!”
“Who, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck is Lan Zhan?”
“My future husband!”
“Yeah, got that part,” Wen Qing rubbed two fingers against her temple where a distinctly Wei Wuxian shaped ache was beginning to form. “Now explain.”
“I’m getting married today and I…”
“From the beginning!”
“I met him on Monday, we went for drinks on Tuesday,” Wei Wuxian babbled, tripping over words as his brain worked faster than his tongue. “We fucked on Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday. But we just chilled on Sunday because he absolutely wrecked me, Qing-jie. Like noodle-legged, arsehole a gaping mess wrecked.”
That…well that was an image Wen Qing never wanted in her head and that was now so traumatically imprinted, and so deeply that not even bleach would get it out.
“And now we’re getting married!” Wei Wuxian finished with a blinding grin.
“You’re going to marry a man you met a week ago?”
“Yes! Isn’t it great?!”
“The fuck is wrong with you? No!”
“But I love him!”
“I….” Wen Qing stopped, took a breath, pinched the bridge of her nose, and muttered a short litany.
I took an oath to do no harm
Murder is illegal
a-Ning would be upset
Think of a-Ning
Before saying through slightly gritted teeth, “Explain it to me again. Not the bullet pointed version, I want the full version.”
“The full version, or the Full Version?” the latter was asked with an accompanying eyebrow wiggle.
“You couldn’t pay me enough to listen to the Full Version.” Being the mature one of the two, Wen Qing managed to refrain from a mocking eyebrow wriggle in response.
“Ok, so,” Wei Wuxian flung himself down onto the sofa next to her, hands flapping before him as they shaped the story, “I was on the way to Jiang Cheng’s right? The train was running late, and this absolute god of a man asked me for the time. He was, like, comparing if his time was right and judging the fuck out of the late train. It was so funny, Qing-jie, like remember that time…ow!”
“Focus!” she’d discovered years ago that a sharp flick to the centre of his forehead could get Wei Wuxian back on track. It wasn’t 100% effective but being successful about 7 times out of 10 counted as a win in her book.
“You’re so mean to me.”
Wen Qing merely raised an eyebrow at the accompanying pout. She had Wen Ning as a little brother, Wei Wuxian really should know better than to think something as mundane as pouting would affect her.
“Fine. Anyway! He asked me for the time and I said, ‘that’ll cost you your name’, and he said, ‘my name?’, and I thought fuck it, you only live once right? So I said, ‘yeah, your name, number, and a date with me tomorrow night’.”
“And he didn’t punch you for that?”
“Nope!”
“What did he say?”
“He gave me this slow once over, said his name was Lan Wangji and that he would be ‘receptive to a rendezvous’ with me. He’s so funny, Qing-jie!”
“I can’t believe that worked.”
“Neither can I! But he gave me his number, and I took him out Tuesday. I thought we could go for a drink, but he’s completely teetotal! So we just went to this little late night café thing, sat on the couches, and talked for hours. He’s so cute. He loves bunnies, and the colour blue, and he’s a musician. He has these big hands, with these callouses from playing, and they feel so good when-”
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“Spoil sport. He’s so talented though. Anyway the café shut at like midnight, so we just started walking, and he asked if I wanted to go back to his place, so I said yes, and then he…well…wrecked me, Qing-jie, but he was so sweet afterwards. He hand fed me, and massaged my sore limp muscles, and cuddled me in his stupidly luxurious bath. And I really, really, really, want to marry him.”
“And he wants to marry you too?”
“He’s the one that asked!”
“You’re both insane.”
“You’ll still help me though, right?”
Wen Qing had a very limited list of things that she would deign to initiate a comforting hug for.
The unsure tone in Wei Wuxian’s words, that he always tried to laugh off?
That was quite high on that list.
And if she took a certain amount of glee in the squeak that Wei Wuxian emitted when she hauled him into her arms? Well, that was no one’s business but her own.
“You might be an insane little idiot, but you’re my insane little idiot. I will help you, I will accompany you, and I will strike the fear of god into that man in case he ever even thinks about hurting you.”
“Thanks, Qing-jie.”
-x-
Several streets away a kitchen table that had been meticulously cleaned was unceremoniously dirtied again as a spray of perfectly brewed tea was spat across it.
An elder brother’s long-suffering sigh was followed by the resigned words, “Wangji, perhaps you could have waited until after uncle had finished his tea to reveal your news?”
Such words were met a thoroughly unrepentant, ‘Mn’.