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shotaro is made aware of sungchan’s presence in the second week of classes. it’s still hot; the weather is not quite ready to be fall yet. shotaro opted to get to class early and sit in the air conditioning. he doodles on his paper as he waits for the professor to show up. someone slides into the seat in front of him, a little out of breath.
“hey, is this physics two-thirteen?” he turns around in his chair to ask shotaro, a dopey smile on his face.
shotaro looks up, surprised someone is asking him a question. the stranger is pretty. he has big, round eyes and a soft curve to his lips. his hair is lightened, a natural mousy brown, but shotaro can tell it’s not his actual color. he’s exactly shotaro’s type: tank top showing off toned arms, a sweatband around his wrist, indicating he’d just been playing a sport or working out. wow.
shotaro forgets to respond.
“i don’t think i’m supposed to be here,” the boy laughs looking around the room, “you think the professor will mind?” his laugh resonates in his chest and shotaro feels calmed by his presence even though the situation is a bit chaotic.
“this- this is a history of fashion class,” shotaro manages.
“oh sick,” he seems genuinely curious about the class, looking at the doodles in shotaro’s notebook, “i’m sungchan by the way.”
most people made fun of shotaro when he told them he was a fashion student. especially people dressed like sungchan.
“shotaro,” he smiles sheepishly.
shotaro’s professor walks in seconds later, calling order to the classroom.
“see you around taro,” sungchan fist bumps him and heads out before shotaro can respond, the nickname catching him off guard.
///
shotaro sees sungchan again on a random afternoon. he was looking for his friend in a cafe they decided to meet up at. it’s shotaro’s first time there and he can’t seem to find the spot his friend is sitting at.
that’s when he bumps into someone.
“fuck,” the person curses, checking to make sure he didn’t spill any of his drink on himself, “oh hey, it’s you again.”
sungchan is dressed completely different and shotaro almost doesn’t recognize him. he’s in a cream-colored sweater and a tan blazer, the weather finally permitting. his pants are a subtle matching plaid and a pair of gold rimmed glasses are perched precariously on his nose.
shotaro pushes the glasses back into place for him.
“it’s good to see you again,” he jokes, wiggling his eyebrows.
sungchan’s face morphs into a lopsided grin, “what brings you here? let me guess! you love pumpkin spice chai?”
“no, no,” shotaro waves his hands furiously, he can’t think of anything more disgusting than pumpkin flavored tea. he hopes that’s not what’s in sungchan’s cup.
“then what?” sungchan questions.
“i’m meeting a someone for a coffee date,” he frowns, “but i can’t find them.”
“oh,” sungchan’s expression changes, “well, i gotta go.”
he’s off again before shotaro can ask him for help finding his friend. maybe it’s for the best. shotaro pulls out his phone and texts eunseok to come find him.
over coffee shotaro finds out eunseok and sungchan are childhood best friends. go figure.
shotaro had met eunseok last year in a general education class. they exchanged numbers for a project, but after shotaro accidentally sent a meme to the wrong number they’d been friends ever since. eunseok found shotaro colorful and exciting. shotaro found eunseok stable and calm.
“so what’s he like?” shotaro asks.
“channie,” eunseok taps his chin, “we’re close. he’s really friendly as you probably know. he’s busy nowadays but he used to date a lot.”
shotaro is curious what kinds of people sungchan likes to date. eunseok answers his question rather quickly.
“his last ex is wonbin, you might know him,” eunseok mentions, stirring his cup.
shotaro knows wonbin. everyone knows wonbin. he’s also a fashion major and insanely gorgeous. he’d probably make it as a model if he were taller.
“wait, why’d they break up?” shotaro questions.
he feels bad prying at sungchan’s private life, but he has to know more about him.
“wonbin got super jealous when channie hung out with other guys,” eunseok explained.
shotaro sips his coffee and finds it bitter, reaching for a sugar packet.
“you feeling okay?” eunseok asks, “talking about dating and putting sugar in your coffee?”
shotaro shakes his head furiously. he can’t possibly be that obvious, can he?
“ohhh, you like him,” eunseok realizes.
///
shotaro does nothing about his feelings for a year.
he, eunseok, and sungchan have started hanging out, but shotaro felt like he should give time for sungchan to get over his ex. he’s also scared. he doesn’t know if he’s sungchan’s type. what are the odds he’d date two fashion majors? plus shotaro didn’t think of himself even half as attractive as wonbin.
it doesn’t help that sungchan is super fucking nice. when shotaro’s car broke down he drove him to his exam. when shotaro cried over a low grade on said exam he took him for ice cream. he knew how to cheer shotaro up and every time shotaro saw him he felt like nothing could go wrong.
before shotaro can catch his breath it’s the new year. eunseok is hosting a party and naturally shotaro and sungchan will both be there. shotaro dresses nice. he’s hoping to have fun dancing with his friends and maybe drinking a little too much.
when he arrives he spots wonbin first. he gives the younger a shy smile. they don’t know each other well. he doesn’t know if wonbin and sungchan still talk. a guy with dark hair and tons of piercings approaches wonbin, he hands wonbin a drink. they look fairly flirtatious and shotaro thinks this is a good sign, hopefully wonbin has moved on.
shotaro and sungchan are the only single ones in his friend group. eunseok had a long time relationship with a girl he met at work and they’ve become mutual friends with sohee and anton who have been together for the last three months.
shotaro gets a drink and sips it idly, waiting for something to happen. he makes small talk with a few people he recognizes before sungchan shows up. of course he’s late but his lack of punctuality never bothered shotaro. it was part of his charm.
his hair is shorter than when they first met. he has it slicked nicely and shotaro beams when he sees him. sungchan comes over to him immediately, giving him a side hug.
“how’ve you been?” sungchan asks as if they haven’t seen each other five days ago.
“i’m okay,” shotaro says, finding sungchan endearing even when he’s dressed up, “want me to get you a drink?”
“trying to get me drunk already, taro?” he giggles.
“of course… not,” shotaro leans on him, despite the space around them.
“how about we dance first?” sungchan takes shotaro’s cup and puts it down.
sungchan puts one hand at shotaro’s waist and sweeps him onto the dance floor. wonbin and his friend are there too. shotaro quietly asks who he is.
“hong seunghan,” sungchan sighs.
shotaro wants to know more. what’s sungchan’s perspective on their breakup? is that wonbin’s new boyfriend? sungchan must sense it in the way that shotaro doesn’t stop staring at the other two.
“they’re friends. seunghan’s just protective,” sungchan glances over, his expression drops a little.
“sorry, i shouldn’t have asked,” shotaro apologizes.
“no, it’s fine,” sungchan forces a smile.
sungchan glances over at wonbin again and this time he’s staring back. his eyes are wide and sungchan hates that he misses him.
///
it’s been a year and four months.
sungchan remembers when wonbin confessed to him. they were in the back of someone’s car, drunk. wonbin whispered to sungchan that he had a secret, giggling about it. sungchan leaned in and wonbin whispered ‘i like you’. once they sobered up sungchan texted him and they met for a date.
they went on many dates after that. picnics, hikes, to cafes, the animal park. they even raised a betta fish together, named star, which wonbin kept.
they dated for two years before wonbin broke things off. sungchan had come home from a baseball game he attended with his friends. wonbin was waiting up for him, arms crossed over his chest. the tv was playing quietly in the background.
“hey, baby,” sungchan was intoxicated then too.
“don’t,” wonbin pushed sungchan away from him.
sungchan pouted.
“i told you i don’t like it when you come home late. what were you doing after the game?” wonbin questioned, "chan, it’s three in the morning"
“i dunno,” sungchan shrugged, starting to take off his clothes.
“you don’t know...” wonbin stood up, following him to the bedroom.
sungchan brushed him off, changing and then going to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
“you know, you’re really fucking selfish,” wonbin didn’t mean it but he was fed up with sungchan’s aloof behavior.
sungchan spit his toothpaste in the sink, blinking at wonbin in the mirror.
fuck. wonbin didn’t mean to say that.
he watched sungchan’s heart break, his eyes telling him everything but it felt too good to stop.
“you never cared,” wonbin hammered the last nail in the coffin.
their breakup was kind of stupid. they never even apologized or talked about it. sungchan was so hurt he just moved out the next day.
///
sungchan looked back at shotaro. he wondered if shotaro had ever been broken up with. did he understand that pain?
it’s almost midnight when sungchan comes back to the present.
“shoot, i don’t have a drink,” sungchan laughs suddenly, realizing everyone is standing around and counting down.
shotaro giggles, “seven!”
six. five. four. three. two. one.
a pair of lips crash into sungchan’s before he can comprehend it. he thinks of all the nights he and wonbin spent together. his mouth tastes like alcohol and he is kissing back without further thought. his hands grab the other’s jaw and that’s when he realizes the lips belong to shotaro.
reality strikes with the sounds of cheering and those stupid party horns tapering down. sungchan pushes shotaro back and laughs. what a stupid thing to do. all the while thinking of his ex.
sungchan was too sober. sungchan is too sober. he leaves shotaro in the crowd and goes to get a drink. when he approaches the table, wonbin is there. of course.
“hey,” wonbin surprisingly speaks first.
“hi,” sungchan can’t help but give him a melancholy smile.
there were a lot of good things that outweighed the bad. wonbin’s smile for one, his evenings spent learning how to cook so the two of them didn’t have to live off packaged ramen, the matching rings they had. sungchan fidgets, realizing he is still wearing his. he doesn’t dare to check if wonbin has his.
there is a crease in wonbin’s brow, the same one that sungchan remembers from when he was stuck on a math problem. sungchan freezes, unable to continue the conversation or pour himself a drink. luckily he didn’t have to.
“i owe you an apology,” wonbin starts, “i never meant to hurt you. i was really insecure back then.”
sungchan is dumbfounded, “oh, thanks.”
wonbin starts pouring him a drink. how was he supposed to express that he’d been blaming their problems from the last two years on himself?
“fuck. sorry if you don’t, but i missed you,” wonbin admits, “i know you have shotaro and all, but i just had to say it.”
“taro?” sungchan splutters, “oh we’re not- we’re just friends.”
oh hell, he must have seen the kiss.
“good,” wonbin replies, handing sungchan the drink with a smile, “i take it you still have my number.”
“yeah,” sungchan nods.
he reads their old text messages back more than he cares to admit.
“okay, cool,” wonbin tucks a piece of his grown-out hair behind his ear.
“cool,” sungchan says dumbly.
“hey, i was looking for you!” seunghan shouts, appearing out of nowhere to whisk wonbin away, sohee under his other arm.
///
shotaro feels his heart drop. sungchan has been dancing with him for the past hour. he’s surprisingly a good dancer, but not as good as shotaro. eunseok’s music taste is questionable at times and they laugh a lot at the beat changes. shotaro drinks a little to ease his nerves. sungchan hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol. he glances over at wonbin every once in a while and shotaro is determined to make him forget about him.
everyone is watching the countdown and sungchan laughs about not having a drink. his eyes are peering straight into shotaro’s soul and he feels like it’s now or never. they’ve had a good evening together and shotaro thinks sungchan could be into him. they’ve been friends long enough. shotaro doesn’t want to chicken out now. he wants sungchan. he’s wanted sungchan for a year now.
“seven!” shotaro shouts happily.
six. he figures if he takes a sip of his drink he can give some to sungchan. five. sungchan is looking at him. four. shotaro’s heart is beating hard. three. shotaro has to stand on his tiptoes. two. shotaro leans forward. one.
shotaro barely has time to process how sungchan’s lips taste and feel before he’s pushing him away with a laugh.
shit.
he thinks it’s a joke. sungchan pats shotaro’s shoulder like he’s a kid and walks off. shotaro doesn’t know why, but he feels hot tears welling in his eyes. he stays still. he genuinely sobs and no one cares. they’re too busy congratulating each other while passing around red envelopes.
he should have been prepared for this. part of him believed sungchan liked him back. he works his way through the crowd toward the door. he bumps into eunseok but brushes off his wishes and concern.
eunseok catches up to him in the yard. he’s halfway across the damp lawn to his car when he realizes he’s not sober enough to drive. he calls a cab and waits in the cold. a few seconds later he feels eunseok’s hand on his shoulder.
“taro?” eunseok turns him around so he can see his face, “what’s wrong?”
“everything,” shotaro chokes on his words.
eunseok hugs him tightly, “what happened?”
“sungchan,” shotaro grips his jacket around himself.
eunseok’s face changes, “oh taro,” there’s pity in his voice, “channie used to like you.”
“used to…?” shotaro’s heart shatters into a million pieces.
“yeah, that day after you met me in the cafe. he couldn’t stop talking about you,” eunseok chuckles, lost in the memory.
he should have confessed earlier. he was so stupid thinking he could wait and sungchan would still be there.
“what changed?” shotaro's voice shakes. he doesn’t know if he wants the answer.
“he was never really over wonbin,” eunseok admits.
“thanks hyung,” shotaro smiles weakly, tasting his tears.
eunseok isn’t even sure why he’s thanking him. the cab that shotaro called comes and he goes home.
///
less than a week later, shotaro runs into sungchan at that same cafe. he hears him ordering a chai and a black coffee. shotaro desperately wishes sungchan will turn around and hand him the coffee.
he thinks about saying something. apologizing. he can’t bring himself to say anything. the barista is asking him for his order, but shotaro isn’t paying attention.
his gaze settles on the far side of the counter where sungchan hands over one of the cups to wonbin. their outfits complement each other perfectly. he wonders if wonbin styled sungchan. wonbin sips the drink before reaching up and cupping sungchan’s face. they kiss briefly, and shotaro can’t look away. it hurts and sungchan will never know.
the barista sighs, following his gaze, “ah to be in love, isn’t it so sweet?”
shotaro orders a black coffee with sugar.