This…this place…
>You recognize it. It’s Dojima’s house. You can’t remember having headed to school, but it’s been boring lately, so perhaps that’s it.
“Nanako! I’m home!” you call, but there’s no happy greeting in response. Your heart skips a beat before you reassure yourself. She’s probably at a friend’s house. There’s no need to worry.
You touch the door, but it shocks you. You bring your hand up to your lips, wincing, but it’s only static electricity. There must be a storm on its way.
And then the door begins changing, melting and reforming itself like it’s plastic. You feel sick.
The color begins leeching out of your surroundings. The surface you’re facing is the only thing not in black, white, or grey left. It’s a painting of a magician, but it’s a parody, deformed. And then the painted face turns to look at you, and it’s mocking you.
With a cry, you back away, desperately reaching for a sword that’s not at your side and a power inside yourself that’s ignoring your call.
“I’m going to kill all our precious friends, one by one,” the painted face whispers, and now it’s a mask and you know exactly whose face it covers, “They’ll die screaming, cursing your name, and you’ll be all alone again, because you have no real face. You’re nobody, but they’ll remember your name with their dying breath, won’t they? And if they make it far, well. They’re strong, aren’t they? They might just do that. And they can see every bit of your emptiness laid bare. All the potential in the world, because you’re like a hollow vessel waiting to be filled. Completely empty.”
You wake screaming, but the nightmare has just begun. You know exactly what the white walls mean. You can see every floor of this dungeon, just by closing your eyes. Your Shadow is lying. You know this is inspired by the truth, but it’s not saying the truth, either. It’s saying exactly what you don’t want to hear, just so you’ll say those damning words.
How far will a Shadow go to get its freedom? Or is it even really free, if it ends up all alone? Because that’s what’s scaring you, the fact that it might just follow through on what it said. Is it more similar or different to you? That’s probably the most pressing question here, because it’ll probably decide how it’s actually going to act.
It’s a part of you, the part you’re not proud of, the part you try to hide. Is there something even you don’t know about? On one hand, it seems like there has to be, isn’t there, for you to have a Shadow in the first place, but on the other hand, it feels different. That could be explained away. You’ve never been on this side of things before. But your instincts say there’s still something more than thoughts you keep to yourself late at night.
Are they stronger than you? Or weaker? You don’t know what to pray for—do you want them to not need you, or do you want them to die without you?
You can’t bring yourself to save Rise the first day, or the day after that. You know it’s getting some suspicious glances from the others, Yosuke especially, because he’s been there from the beginning and knows, knows that you like to get it out of the way, save them as quickly as possible, because despite the fact that the weather reporter almost always gets it right, you can’t afford a single mistake on her part. A break is necessary, always. You can’t get it all done in one day, nor two, because there are always side requests to complete, new, difficult Shadows that pop up in previous areas, and you have to find your way to the top. You like to have your party fresh and ready to take on the next kidnapped person’s Shadow before you throw them into the fray, because make no mistake, you all could very easily die in here and no one can save you.
You think no one else realizes this. You can’t be completely certain, of course. Maybe they treat it like a game exactly because they realize it isn’t. But they make no mention of it, and it’s another weight of responsibility to shoulder. Like you don’t have enough.
Like you’re not always running out of time, always have too many people asking too many things of you. Like you haven’t committed to two clubs and jobs and volunteer work and school and saving people before they die.
It was easier before Risette showed up.
It’s not difficult to blame her. In fact, it’s easy, and that knowledge, the simmering resentment that stirs in your gut…
You finally put a name to it. Its name is jealousy, and it’s slowly eating you alive.
It catches you by surprise as you sit in the classroom discussing Risette, and Yosuke goes on and on about how pretty she is and how she has perfect proportions. You catch yourself wishing the brunet would shut up already, and are horrified at yourself. It’s like you’re suddenly living in a stranger’s body, and one you don’t like very much. And with every time her name is uttered, you slip away just a little bit further.
You watch with a little disgust as Yosuke makes a fool of himself in Marukyu Tofu, and that’s when you first begin to suspect, to understand this stranger who you’ve become. You figure out what word to use, but you don’t figure out how to deal with it.
It gets worse after Yosuke somehow gets the impression that you’ve got a crush on Rise, and as much as he talked about her before, it’s nothing compared to now. He goes on enough that your patience, worn to a thread, snaps, and you yell at him. It’s a first, and he’s frozen, staring at you, stunned. The hurt you see in his eyes hasn’t been there since he spoke to his Shadow, and it hurts worse than her name to know that you’ve been the cause of it. You quickly apologize. “I’m just a little stressed.”
And his answer hurts. The expression he makes that you hate the most appears, and it’s there because of you. “If I’m bothering you, dude, say so.” It’s shocking, the effect that you can have on people with just a few words. You quickly tell him that that’s not it at all, but the shadow of low self-confidence doesn’t leave his eyes even as he thanks you.
Then Rise’s been kidnapped, and you feel a little relief. But you can’t say that, not for your team. You have to be strong.
You could go rescue her. It’s not like it’s that much harder than any of the other places that showed up in the TV. That is, it is, but you’re ready for it, with all your experience fighting Shadows. But every time you think about entering the place again, you can’t help the snarl.
So you tell the others they’re just training to get ready for the rescue, grab Chie, Yukiko, and Kanji, and head into the bathhouse. You’re getting odd looks. You’ve never headed into battle without Yosuke at your side, and to be honest it feels a little strange. But he’d actually voice his worries over you working out your burning cold rage on Shadows, rather than the looks you’re getting. Even Kanji picks up on it eventually, mostly from the way Chie and Yukiko are acting, rather than from you.
Though as you climb the stairs separating one floor from the next, Chie manages to break your expectations. “Did you and Yosuke have a fight?” It’s tentative. She has no idea how to deal with you, after watching you bash a Shadow far beyond the point of disappearing. You’re dying inside, and you’re beginning to lose the ability to pretend you’re fine. You used to be a master at it, but now, not so much. But then, it’s a new situation. You’ve never had to deal with this before.
You try to pretend, but it’s half-hearted. “What makes you think that?”
Her answer is prompt, stronger than questioning you, and that makes sense. “You’ve never left him behind before.” She’s actually trying to comfort you in a really awkward way, you realize. “He’s not happy about it. And, I mean, I’m happy to be here, but this way…it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”
Instantly, all your anger leaves you, and your sword nearly drops from your hand. All that’s left is an emptiness that you haven’t missed. “We didn’t argue. I just…”
The second you reach that part of your sentence, you have absolutely no idea how you’re going to finish, but it doesn’t matter, because you hear a voice that makes your blood turn to ice. “Would you like me to finish your sentence?” Instantly, your sword is back up and ready for a fight.
Chie gasps. “Is that—”
She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, either. You don’t get to swing your sword. The stairs collapse beneath you, and you fall into darkness.