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A great storm lingered high above the altar-in-school’s-clothing, the same that had always followed those who dared to summon the Lords in Black for their foolish desires.
The terms this time were simple- or so it seemed to the five false gods. Three teenagers being pursued by a spectre that they inadvertently gave rise to, in desperate need of their help to banish the poor thing into the black where it belonged.
Of course, to the Lords in Black, putting the supernatural in its place was always fun. But letting it stay where it didn’t belong was even funnier. With that in mind, they certainly wouldn’t do it for free- that was the best part of their bargains. To see how many chips the little ones were willing to put on the table.
Either they paid the price, or the whole world did.
The price they called for? A blood sacrifice, of course. Regardless if it was Stephanie Lauter who offed Peter Spankoffski, or Peter who shot Steph, or yada-yada who bludgeoned who-the-fuck-cares, someone’s life would be sacrificed for this deal. It was just the way things were: pay the price, or fuck off.
But even in all their divine wisdom and foresight, they never thought it’d come to this.
“Max, I just gave you a gift,” said Grace Chastity, student of Hatchetfield High School, and a former celibate- emphasis on former. “A very special gift.”
She was one of three nerdy prudes currently standing in the high school’s football field. The other two were (the absolutely flabbergasted) Stephanie and Peter, as previously mentioned, but there was someone- or rather, something else: the ghost of the late Maxwell Jägerman, the ghost that the Lords themselves had resurrected, staring at Grace, having both calmed down from his wrath-fuelled rage, and just barely calmed down from another, lust-fuelled rage.
“In fact,” Grace continued, “I just gave you what I cherish most. My chastity.”
And in one, crazy-ass second, it all made sense to the entities watching from above.
“Okay, okay-“ A voice rang out from their abode in the Black and White: the leader of the Lords. “Tinky, fucking stop time for a second! I need a minute!”
In that moment, one of the creatures fidgeted with the cube in his hand: T’noy Keraxis, the Bastard of Time and Space, had paused time in the mortal realm.
The gigantic, partially-mechanical yellow goat had turned to the others for their input- the shock from what he just witnessed being enough to keep his mouth shut for once- only to find they were even more stunned than he was.
“Oh… I did not see that coming.” His slightly younger brother Bliklotep- a purple, owl-like creature with yellow eyes covering every inch of its body- spoke after an uncomfortably long silence. “And I don’t think I’m gonna unsee it.”
The goat had noticed Blinky trying to cover his eyes during the initial mindfuck-fest, but to no avail- such was the wondrous burden of the Watcher with A Thousand Eyes. It… concerned Tinky, actually. Out of the five Lords in Black, Blinky was usually the most eager to get to this kind of stuff, but now, they were the most disturbed by it?
“Well! Not having any eyes has its perks, I guess!” A pink crocodile with a bear’s nose, draped in a cloak made of human tounges, was next. “I’ve heard of necrophilia, but that takes the cake- ooh, did someone say cake?!”
Nibblenephim, The Thing that Feeds in the Dark, was probably the most detached from reality out of the five- even in comparison to Tinky- especially when he was hungry. He was initially saving up in preperation to eat Jägerman (which the rest of his brothers agreed was a stupid decision when A. the deal wasn’t decided yet and B. his stomach’s literally a bottomless pit), but that was coming back to bite him now.
“She-“ A floating, face-shaped meteorite leaking blue ooze spoke up: Pokotho, the Singular Voice, and arguably the least detached from reality out of the Lords, the polar opposite of Nibbly: but still not the leader, and for good reason. “Hold on a second, did she really think she could fulfil our conditions with that?! No! Of course not!”
Tinky scoffed. “Partypooper,”
“Don’t give me your sass, Keraxis,” Pokey replied. “I thought you wanted the Spankoffski boy down here? Oh, whatever- you can’t tell me we can allow that! There’s no way Wiggly’s just going to…” Trailing off, all eyes in the room flocked to a certain underwater creature as soon as Pokey mentioned him, realising he had yet to speak up.
Wiggog Y’rath was a gigantic squidlike beast, easily five times the size of a human, with dozens of dark green tentacles making up his legs and an extra six making up his mouth. A pair of blinding white eyes closed as the oldest brother sighed and grabbed the coral crown on his head. “…Alright.”
Wiggly was the leader of the five for a reason. Tinky and Nibbly were terribly incompetent, Pokey was stubborn and rarely listened to anyone he disagreed with, and Blinky just wasn’t interested in leading the group- besides, he was the oldest brother, so how could it be anyone else?
Despite this, however, Wiggly was quite stubborn himself, and very much a force to be reckoned with. A “fuck around and find out” kind of boss, if you will. So to hear him casually agreeing to play along with a mortal finding a bullshit loophole in his contract was…
“…Good for you, Wiggo!” Tinky suddenly piped up after yet another uncomfortably long silence, scuttling over to Wiggly on his six mechanical legs. “Hey guys, look who’s finally taking lessons in lightening up a little!”
Nibbly exploded into manic laughter. “Someone’s got good taste!”
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, Pokey stammered. “Wha-?! Wiggly, you can’t be serious! Since when did you tolerate this kind of bullshit?!”
“Since now,” Wiggly replied, a smug look in his eyes. “Stephy-wethy did shoot, did she not? Peter’d be dead by now had someone not intervened. After that stunt, it’s only fair, don’t you think?”
“W… well, I guess, but-“
“Oh, come on, Pokey!” Blinky interrupted. “Sometimes I worry about you. If you don’t get a sense of fun and games soon, it might never happen! Besides… it even caught me off guard. We gotta reward them one way or another for that, riiight?~”
“Reward them for fucking a ghost?! How am I the only one who has a problem with this?!”
“Either way, I’ve made my list, and the Jägerman’s next.” Wiggly rose from his throne of coral and bones, and began to make his way towards the paused image of the football field… “Tinky, would you mind restarting the flow of time in Hatchetfield in a sec? Maxie-poo’s got a date with destiny-“ ..before realising what he just said. “…I mean… whatever, the point is I’m going to kill him.”
Tinky, however, wasn’t bothered by his brother’s accidental innuendo, instead just grabbing hold of the Bastard’s Box. “You got it, boss! Restarting in three, two…”
All the while, Pokey continued having his mental breakdown. “Okay, I guess we’re doing this now. We’re going back and taking him without the promised blood sacrifice. It’s no big deal. La dee da da- what is happening?!”