Chapter Text
It starts with a touch.
Yuuji is chatting enthusiastically with Nanami. He'd just happened to run into the older sorcerer on campus, apparently fresh from a mission.
The thing about Nanami that Yuuji appreciates is that he listens. Even if he only responds with hums and clipped words, he takes in everything. Gojo-sensei listens too but he's also a talker and between the two of them, Yuuji can lose his train of thought when they begin to talk over each other in their excitement.
Not so with Nanami. The other man has casually brought up stuff in conversation that Yuuji had mentioned so long ago, it takes him a second to place it. Every time it leaves him with a swell of fondness, of feeling listened to and seen.
A brief touch above his ear makes Yuuji cut himself off. There's a gentle brush against the shell of his ear that has him shivering before Nanami pulls away, straightening again as if nothing had happened. "Your hair is touching your ears, Itadori-kun," he says in his vaguely 'I'm-irritated-at-everything' kind of way. "You should get it cut soon, so that it looks more professional."
Yuuji isn't sure how 'professional' he can look with pink hair but he smiles good-naturedly and agrees. They go their separate ways soon after.
A few days later, Yuuji is making his way out of the shower rubbing at his freshly shaved undercut, when he wonders how Nanami will react to his haircut. He got it done specifically because he mentioned it, after all.
Then he pouts as he considers it. They don't run into each other that often. What if it grows out to the point that Nanami doesn't even notice?
Without much thought, he swipes his phone off the bathroom counter and takes a quick selfie, complete with a wink and peace sign.
He pulls up his chat history with Nanami. It's basically nothing, just location pings, but Yuuji attaches the picture and texts out a fast message.
Nanamin!! i got the haircut wat do u think!?
[Image Attached]
Toweling off his hair, he has barely gotten his boxers on before his phone dings. When he sees it's Nanami on the display he almost drops the phone in his frantic shuffle to open the message. He didn't expect to get a reply back so soon.
When he reads it, he snorts out a laugh. Of course Nanami writes like he's writing an essay, all proper pronunciation and grammar.
Much better. But Itadori-kun, please don't send me shirtless photos in the future.
Got it!! next time ill make sure to put on a shirt first!
He doesn't get a reply to that, but then again, he really hadn't expected one, and he goes about his day with a hum.
They text pretty frequently after that.
Yuuji sends him everything: a selfie with his friends, a really delicious dinner out with Gojo-sensei and the others, and just random tidbits about his day.
Nanamin!! look this cat has ur face!
[Image attached]
Itadori-kun, I really must disagree.
no way it totally does! ur making the same grumpy face rn i bet
...No I'm not. I'm working. Stop bothering me, please.
Nanami, Yuuji comes to find, is exactly the same over text as he is in person. That is, maybe he doesn't reply all the time but he at least reads everything Yuuji sends him. And whenever he does reply, it usually makes Yuuji grin.
Nanamin, Nanamin
...
Nanminnnnnnnnn
What is it, Itadori-kun?
how was ur mission??
Fine. I can forward the mission report to you if you'd like.
noooo thats boring! wat happened?! anything cool??
[Nanamin is typing]
or embarrassing? (☆▽☆)
...What makes you ask?
noooooo reason
I see. I take it I'll have to speak to Gojo-san about speaking ill of people behind their backs.
nuuuu thats not what it was!!
honest!!
gojo sensei didnt even tell us! he just kept giggling and when we asked said he was remembering something funny about nanami thats all! i wanted to knowwwwww
I'd rather not recount it over text.
then we could call!? 🙏
...
[Incoming Call from Nanamin]
We've come a long way, Yuuji thinks one night, his phone held above his face the only light in his room. They're debating the finer points of different kinds of bread. Yuuji had sent Nanami a bread week episode for 'The Great British Baking Show' and now they're heavily texting back and forth as Nanami watches.
It wasn't terribly long ago that Yuuji felt they weren't clicking together right. Now, Yuuji has a much better handle on Nanami's personality and all the ways he can fit into the little gaps. Maybe it's the missions they've gone on together—working together seamlessly—or maybe it's the conversations in person and over text that let Yuuji see small slivers of the kind of man Nanami is.
Either way, Yuuji enjoys it (and if he gets Nanami to watch several more episodes before calling it a night and promising he'll watch the rest later, well. No one else is there to see his pleased smile).
when is ur bday?
Why do you want to know?
wat if i wanna get you smthn
You don't have to do that, Itadori-kun.
but i want to!!
Not to mention it would be inappropriate.
Nu uh! we r gonna get gojo sensei smthn to!
Gojo-san is your teacher and, as much as I'd loathe to say it, doesn't act with a modicum of respectability on a good day so it's not the same thing.
i had to google that nanamin y do u use hard words. but were friends arent we?! its nice to get smthn for ur bday
I would say that at most we are colleagues and even that would be stretching it, simply because I don't wish to use a student/mentor reasoning and have you call me sensei for several days.
harsh! if u dont answer ill have to just guess!
Really, please don't do that.
OR
ask gojo sensei
and he wouldnt lie to me rit
or help me
...
July 3rd.
thanks! mine is march 20 btw!
"Ahhh, I feel much better after eating, thanks so much Nanamin!" Yuuji says happily, rubbing his stomach. They're walking up to the school, back from a mission together. Nanami had treated Yuuji to dinner since it'd gotten so late.
Nanami adjusts his jacket sleeves. "You don't have to keep thanking me Itadori-kun, I already told you it was fine."
"Still!" Yuuji insists. "It was nice of you to treat me. I'll pay next time!" he promises with a raised fist. Nanami sighs deeply.
"It's alright, Itadori-kun. I'm an adult, I should be the one paying."
"I have money." Yuuji pouts, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking up at Nanami, who doesn't meet his eyes.
"Save it then," Nanami dismisses crisply. "Now, I'm going to go write up my report. Have a good night, Itadori-kun."
"Night, Nanamin!" Yuuji says brightly. They've made it inside the building now and Yuuji watches as Nanami walks away, his dress shoes clicking on the linoleum. Yuuji lingers, watching Nanami walk away. There's no conscious thought in the action, he doesn't even realize he's doing it until Nanami disappears around the corner and Sukuna's mouth opens on his cheek with a mocking laugh.
"You're pathetic, brat," Sukuna says, and Yuuji cocks his head with a frown.
"What did I do this time?" he decides to ask. Usually, Yuuji can sense when Sukuna disapproves of something—the curse's emotions leaking out over Yuuji's like an oil spill—but he has no idea what's happened to make Sukuna decide to grace him with his presence to gloat.
"Drooling over that sorcerer, wagging your tail for any kind of handout he's willing to give you." Sukuna snorts. "As if he'd ever be interested in you. No, he's too squeaky clean for that, isn't he? You're just a babe in his eyes. Not worth the attention and still, you make a fool of yourself chasing after it anyway."
Yuuji's eyes widen.
"W-wait, are you saying I have a c-crush on Nanamin?" he yelps. Sukuna laughs again. Yuuji can feel his cheek moving as the curse likely gives him a thorough verbal lashing but he can't hear it over the roaring in his ears.
Suddenly, his previous actions crystalize in his mind's eye as he adjusts what he thinks he feels for Nanami and puts it into this new context.
Yes, Yuuji respects and looks up to Nanami, the same as with Gojo-sensei. And yes while Yuuji texts Gojo-sensei, takes pictures with him, goes out on missions with the man, and then grabs food with him afterwards, this fluttering in his stomach doesn't happen with Gojo-sensei.
While Yuuji enjoys the praise that Sensei gives him and the head pats, they pale in comparison to when Nanami tells him he's done well. He doesn't fumble with his phone, heart in his throat, when he sees Gojo-sensei's name, or any of his other friends, the way he does when he reads what Nanami has sent him.
"Ah, that makes sense," Yuuji says, feeling utterly calm. Sukuna cuts off his tirade, confusion echoing between the two of them at Yuuji's reaction. "Thanks for letting me know!"
Fury erupts from Sukuna then. "Shouldn't you be upset?" the curse demands. "You don't have a chance—"
"That's okay!" Yuuji chirps. "I don't expect anything. But it's nice just to know, you know?"
Sukuna doesn't, and that makes Yuuji laugh beneath his breath as he turns to walk back to his room.
r u wit sensei?
Yes. Did you need something?
can u tell him that Fushiguro has been tryin to get in contact wit him?
Done. Though I'm unsure if he'll do anything about it, he seems to be giggling down at his phone. Is Fushiguro-kun still texting him?
ah yah probs i left. Fushiguro was gettin moody & i figured best to leave. Wat r u guys up to?
Gojo-san accosted me and demanded we get a drink.
oooo fun! wat u drinkin
Whiskey.
gross
Gojo says the same.
is his a cocktail?
A mock cocktail, yes. He doesn't drink alcohol.
did ur face go (。>︿<)_θ when u saw it?
No.
wat about like dis ＼（〇_ｏ）／
No. Itadori-kun, please don't send me another ridiculous face.
ok ok can i see ur drinks? or r they finished
[Image Attached]
awww senseis looks good! ur so cool nanamin i bet ur like in the movies
In the movies?
u know like 'scotch, neat, no ice'
'Neat' in this context means without ice.
see! super cool. do u smoke cigars to?
[Nanamin is typing]
[Nanamin has stopped typing]
OMG REALLY!?!?
Only on special occasions.
TAKE A PIC NEXT TIME PLEASEEEEEEE I WANNA SEEEEEEEEE
No.
ILL DO ANYTHING U ASK OMG PLZ PLZ PLZ NANAMINNNNNN
I don't want anything from you, Itadori-kun.
Itadori. Why is Gojo asking to see my cigars.
...Itadori.
（*゜ー゜*）
Itadori.
(。_。)
I JUST REALLY WANT TO SEE NANAMIN I BET YOU LOOK SO COOOLLLLLL. GOJO SENSEI SAID HED TAKE A PIC OF U IN BLK & WHT EVEN ISNT THAT NEATTTTTTT
Just for that, neither of you are seeing me smoke.
Wah—
NANAMIN.
PLZ
I'LL DO ANYTHINGGGGGGG.
I'm leaving the bar and putting away my phone for the rest of the night. May this be a lesson to you and Gojo.
Sorry Yuujiiiiiii~ Sensei tried!!!
SENSEI. WAT DID U DO?!?!?! IM DEVASTED
Aha devasted
SENSEI
IM BEING SERIOUS
( •_•)>⌐■-■
ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪
UR HORRIBLE
As time passes, Yuuji lets himself bask in the feeling. His first real crush. Sure, he likes Jennifer Lawrence but she's a celebrity crush. Not something real.
And well, Yuuji can admit that Nanami fits the 'blonde, tall, and has a great ass' category so really is it that surprising?
Laying out on his bed, phone once more pressed to his face, he giggles as he reads back through their conversation. They'd been just idly chatting when Nanami had texted.
You should go to sleep, it's late.
isnt it late for u to? u should go to bed
Children need sleep.
And adults dont?
...I'm just finishing some paperwork.
dont u hate working overtime?
It's my own fault, I put it off.
ill sleep when u do
It's a short time later and he's fussing with a mobile game when his notification goes off and he hurriedly abandons it to click back into their conversation.
Alright, I'm finished. I'm getting ready for bed now.
thats great!! im already in bed.
Yuuji bites his lip and resists the temptation to ask a question about Nanami's bedtime routine, he figures that would be weird.
i hope you sleep well nanamin!!
You too, Itadori-kun.
Ttyl!!
Good night.
Putting his phone on his bedside table, Yuuji gives in and presses his hands against his face, kicking his feet a bit. He feels breathless for no good reason, butterflies ramming against the sides of his stomach. It's just so nice to have a crush and be able to talk to them and just, ahhh. Nanami shows his caring in different ways. He didn't have to text Yuuji when he'd finished and yet he did.
Flinging his arms wide, Yuuji starfishes on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Is this love?" he asks the empty room.
Nothing answers back and he rolls onto his side, grabbing up the blanket to burrow into. Once he's made a cocoon, he smiles.
"Yeah... I think I'm in love with Nanamin."
Heart settled, Yuuji closes his eyes with a loving, longing, sigh and drifts off to sleep.
He wakes up the next morning with a cough.
have u been overseas?
Yes, several times.
wat was ur favorite?
Favorite what? Place or thing to do?
both!!
My favorite thing was doing nothing on a beach in Costa Rica, I was actually able to finish a book.
lol thats such a Nanamin thing but ok. fav place?
I'll have to think about it and get back to you.
boo
What about you, Itadori-kun?
i havent been overseas!
Where would you like to go?
ah i always wanted to go to this island it's called jellyfish island have u heard of it?
No.
its just an island but wit a big lake in the middle!!! and a jelly got in there but theres no predators so its stingers evolved & they dont hurt humans so u can swim wit them isnt that cool!?!
It sounds really interesting, yes. A very you thing to do. Make sure to take a picture and send it to me when you go.
aha u'll have to go for me Nanamin! students r only allowed overseas if their a certain level sorcerer & gojo sensei says the higher ups probs wouldnt let me go even if i managed to get there
I see. I'm sorry, Itadori-kun.
its ok! u'll just have to travel for the both of us. do u have any pics?
The cough won't go away.
No amount of gargling with hot salt water, drinking tea with honey, cough drops, or anything else he’s tried has helped. If anything, it just seems to get worse.
Yuuji's confused, to be honest. He rarely gets sick and never with something that lingers like this. He feels mostly fine, but every now and then he'll start coughing for no reason. Sometimes he feels a bit tired, but nothing overly bad.
Eventually, his friends convince him to see Ieiri-san about it, but even the doctor can't seem to make heads or tails of it.
Ieiri-san's tired eyes look him over as he sits in front of her, hands clenched into fists on top of his knees.
"I'm not sure what else to do here, Itadori-kun," she confesses as she blows out a puff of smoke from the corner of her mouth. "I've sent your blood off for tests but until then, it sounds like you're doing everything you can do. I've got some cough medicine for you to take and hopefully that'll help in the meantime. As for the healing, normally I can't heal things like the cold anyway. Or well, I can. It just takes a ton of effort because I have to force my cursed energy into lots of different places, at a very small level versus just mending a wound. You with me so far?"
Yuuji nods and she goes on, "So while it's not surprising I can't heal your throat, your other symptoms don't sound like a cold. You've had a cough for what, a week now?"
"Yes!"
"So you should be getting a lot worse." She hums with thought, cigarette rolling between her fingers. Yuuji's eyes follow the end, wondering if the lengthening ash will fall to the floor or if she'll flick it just in time into the ashtray by her elbow. "It might be that Sukuna is preventing my healing. Why he would do that, or why he hasn't healed your cough already is anyone's guess." Ieiri-san pauses to see if he'll cut in. When he doesn't, she moves to flick the end of her cigarette into the ashtray, right as the ash is beginning to droop.
"In short, just keep doing what you're doing. If it gets worse, come back and see me."
She hands him a bottle of pills and Yuuji stands with a smile. "Will do! Thanks so much, Ieiri-san!"
r u afraid of dying?
Death is an inescapable aspect of this job.
yea but r u afraid of dying?
...I think most people are, to some extent.
do u think there's smtn after?
I'm not sure. Do you?
i hope so. i want to help ppl, i want jii chan to be proud of me when its time.
and...
i dont want this to be the only life ive got. it feels like ive got so little time left... does that make me selfish?
No, Itadori-kun, I can assure you it doesn't.
When he coughs up something bright blue and covered in spit, Yuuji is more than a little concerned. His mind is scrambling to try and figure out what the fuck disease makes you cough up something blue when he realizes there's a tiny flower sitting in the middle of his palm.
It's got four or five petals and a white center. It's tiny in his hand, and in any other context it would look almost cheerful, but the creeping dread crawling up his spine along with Sukuna's absolute delight radiating from his core makes Yuuji extremely wary.
"Sukuna... what the fuck is this?"
Unsurprisingly, Sukuna forms a mouth on his face. The curse never misses a chance to boast.
"Well, well, well, brat. Looks like you do love the sorcerer. Lucky you." The way he purrs out lucky you makes Yuuji feel very much that he's not very lucky at all.
"Just explain," Yuuji demands, muscles tight. He feels a bit like he's waiting for the executioner's blade to fall.
"It's an old curse," Sukuna says gleefully. "One I'm sure no one has heard about now. It's probably because of me."
Yuuji scowls. "Of course it is. Just get to the point."
"It's called 'hanahaki disease'. A lover's illness, and their weakness. When love is one-sided, it manifests in flowers growing in the lungs. It will continue to grow until it eventually kills the person. Or they can confess their love and hope it's returned, but if it isn't, then they die anyways!"
Here, Yuuji can feel Sukuna's smile grow wide as he coos, "And of course, that would never happen for you. That sorcerer wouldn't want a child. You've doomed yourself to death. Hehe. Isn't that fun?? Isn't it better to know for sure that you love him? That flower represents your love. If you look it up, it'll tell you what you feel about him too. Isn't that romantic? So fitting, so charming!!"
Sukuna starts to laugh but all Yuuji can hear is the whoosh of a blade falling.
The flower is called 'veronica' or 'speedwell'. There are a few varieties, but his is a creeping flower, not the ones that grow up in long stems. As Yuuji starts spending each morning bent over the toilet seat, coughing up flower petals and small leaves until his throat is raw and aching, he feels a little grateful that it's not the longer version. That would be a bitch to throw up. As it is, the small flowers are annoying but manageable as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
The internet says the flower 'represents loyalty, kindness, devotion and commitment. According to Christian tradition, Veronica stepped out of the crowd, reached out to Jesus, and wiped his face on the way to Calvary, offering an act of kindness at a time when he needed it most. She approached Jesus through the guards and the soldiers, risking punishment in order to offer Jesus a cloth, likely her veil, which he accepted and used to wipe his face. Within this story, loyalty and devotion are shown in many ways, but also commitment and responsibility toward the common good.'
Some of it is uncanny, Yuuji supposes. The story itself doesn't really hit anything with him. Maybe the time he saved Nanami from the patch face curse? But it feels like he's stretching there. No, it's the rest that resonates.
Represents loyalty and kindness. That perfectly describes Nanami to Yuuji. And then ' commitment and responsibility toward the common good. ' What better way to describe what Nanami does? What all jujutsu sorcerers do, to be sure, but Nanami always makes it feel like something more, like he risks his life for a purpose.
The words that don't really fit Nanami per se certainly fit what Yuuji feels for Nanami. Devotion, sure. But also the website helpfully adds: 'Veronica symbolizes fidelity, faithfulness, and love.'
Acceptance settles heavily on Yuuji's shoulders. He'd always known that he was going to die. He'd hoped that he would have more time but... it doesn't matter now.
Yuuji isn't going to confess to Nanami just to let the man live with the guilt that Yuuji's love for him had doomed him to die even sooner. He won't do that to Nanami.
So he'll just swallow this down. Swallow the flowers if he is around other people, swallow down the blood that has begun mixing with his daily flower petals.
It's okay. Yuuji will smile through it, and even if he isn't able to eat all of Sukuna's fingers, he still did something right? He'll take at least a portion of Sukuna with him like this at least. That's a comfort.
He won't tell Nanami, or anyone really. Sukuna has let slip a few details; Yuuji will get sick enough for others to notice eventually. Hopefully by then he would have had a mission with a curse that he could blame the effects on. Everyone would be puzzled by Yuuji's earlier-than-planned death but it wouldn't cause anyone any pain. They'd move on.
They had before, after all. The first time Yuuji died. He had faith that they could do it again.
And, if he wants to be just a little selfish, Yuuji decides he can do that. Just a bit. He won't change the way he acts around Nanami in person but their text conversations have given him such an unexpected view into the older man's life. He'll push a little there, ask a few things he's been avoiding until now.
It won't matter for long, anyway.