Work Text:
“yoong1_marrym3 has tagged you in a post”
Was the notification that showed up in the upper part of your phone, your friends and you had a meet up the day before and it looked like of your friends’ posted pictures of that day.
Pictures that may include your whole friend group,
pictures that included you.
You shivered.
Ever since you were a child your self-image was an Achilles’ heel way too embarrassing for you to even admit out loud, however, your eyes still met the ground every time you talked to someone new, and you kept stopping yourself from doing new things because the idea of others perceiving forced you to hold back your tears. It was stupid, but yet, you still froze looking at your phone, unaware of the attentive gaze of the boy sat next to you, the chords he was playing in his old guitar had already stopped but you didn’t notice. You were still pondering if you had the energy to open that notification and see that picture that possibly included you in it, maybe this time you’d looked different. A quick movement of you thumb that almost felt bold for you tapped the phone and led you to your friend’s post. Your friends and you appeared in a coffee shop, posing with the drinks you had, you looked happy. However, your so-called flaws were what you were putting attention to, hoping this time would disappear, just then the happiness you showed and your presence that day would feel legitimate to you.
Those flaws did not go away.
Before the knot in your throat became tighter, turned off your phone to then realize Beomgyu’s eyes on you, you looked at him and stared at each other, his countenance showed a disappointment he couldn’t hide. Although you never brough your issues with your body image to him, it was something you both knew. Him, always observant, couldn’t help but notice how scared you seemed every time someone tried to take a photograph of you, or how your enthusiasm would fade away when you saw your reflection by accident. But overall, noticed every time you both looked at each other much longer that what platonic friends do, you would look away or change the topic into something else.
“What were you playing?”
Always running away from him.
“It’s a song I wrote. I sent a demo to the producers; it’s going to be included in the album.”
“Gyu, that’s amazing!” you exclaimed after drowning a yelp of excitement. “What is it about?”
Yet you always kept him close.
“It’s about the arrival of the spring after meeting someone you love.” He explained. “We want to dedicate it to moas.”
“Sounds beautiful.”
He forced at smile, even though having the green light of the producers’ team was something that didn’t occur often, he couldn’t help but feel bittersweet about it, however he tried to keep those negative thoughts in the back of his head, afraid of ruining the entuhisia-
“They did not give the lines I expected to have”.
His words interrupted his restrictive line of thought. Breaking down to you why he couldn’t feel as proud as he should of his own achievement.
You stayed silent, looking at him with those eyes full of empathy that he found himself drowning into every time.
“It’s just, frustrating. If I had a higher vocal range, I could sing more.” Them giving him a “no” at the most emotional verses he composed made him feel like he did not deserve to say out loud what he craved to express, maybe for that reason he said that the song was only dedicated to his fandom. Seeing his members sing the verses that declared his feeling towards you as if he wasn’t the one feeling them, made him feel not deserving of expressing them at all. You deserved someone who would sing his love for you.
“They’re just assholes.” He chuckled at your unexpected response. “You have the most soulful voice I’ve heard”.
“Maybe I’m just not that good.”
You couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the doubt drawing in his face, oh if only he could see himself from your perspective.
“Beomgyu, you are amazing, really.” Your hands dedicatedly grabbed his arms. “Every part of you it’s just full of emotion, and people can’t help but falling into it. How can you not see that? People feel something when you sing. At least, I do.”
You both stayed in silence that felt surprisingly peaceful, Beomgyu smiled at you with a fond look in his eyes.
“I guess it’s just like when I tell you how beautiful you are but you just refuse to see it.”
You felt your heart miss a beat. However, this time you didn’t allow that giddiness to make you panic, this time, you smiled too.
“Maybe we could work in our insecurities together.”
Beomgyu’s smile widened as he softly held your hands and pulled your body nearer his, hugging you tightly.
“It blooms into spring at last.”
My blue spring.