Work Text:
I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. I can’t get your smile out of my head, no matter how much I want to. Just one day, you took my hand by force and shoved me into the light. My eyes burned. You shined so bright I could go blind. It took me some time to get used to you and your loud personality.
You are everything I’m not. Or so I thought. You showed me we’re similar. You notice the good in me, even if I don’t. You support me no matter how crazy my ideas sound. You indulge me every time. I’m going to treasure this forever, treasure you.
Many people mention the feeling of having butterflies in their stomach when describing a crush. For me, it almost felt like suffocating. You take my breath away. It’s painful. Because you will never be mine, even if I’m yours forever.
They say if you love them, let them go. And that’s what I’m doing. I would never let you suffer like a bird in a cage. You are meant to be free. But I can’t help but be selfish sometimes. I imagine us holding hands or kissing tenderly. I imagine you choose me out of your own free will. But it’s okay. I will never tell you those things. You don’t need to know.
I can pretend. I’m an actor too, after all. Not as amazing as you, of course.
I’m writing this to let go of my feelings. We are supposed to start a new future together as a troupe: you, Emu, Nene, and me. I’m happy we still get to perform together. I will hold onto this happiness. I love having you as a friend. I wish we could be more. But your friendship will always fill out a hole in my heart in the shape of your face.
Tenma Tsukasa, I love you so much it hurts.
I’m going to burn this letter. I feel better after writing this, I think.
I’m looking forward to directing our new shows, writing characters for you to act out, and holding your hand while we bow to the audience as we listen to the applause.
Yours,
Rui.