Chapter Text
The ending never could just be the end; could it? Of course, there could never be a true ending as long as Shen Qingqiu was still alive - but was it too much to ask for to stop having random leftover plots impact what should be a peaceful existence?
If I get wife plotted one more time, I am going to lose my goddamn mind.
And for the worst of the wife plots in the whole of Proud Immortal Demon Way to happen now of all times! Well, let him just say he was lucky that he remembered every wife plot with near perfect clarity!
He glances toward Luo Binghe lying next to him against the cold stone ground of the gaping maw of the cavern. Peering into the darkness ahead, it seemed to stretch on for miles, with no end in sight.
Shen Qingqiu sighs. Indeed, it really was a good thing that he remembered so clearly. There was no possible way that his Binghe would be able to surmount this challenge - not without Shen Qingqiu’s help at least.
He’s snapped away from his thoughts by the sound of his husband awakening with a groan, and he’s by Binghe’s side in an instant, helping to ease him into sitting up after laying on the ground for so long.
“Careful now, my dear. Give yourself a moment to breathe,” Shen Qingqiu murmurs, a hand resting gently on his husband’s back.
“Shi… Shizun …?” Luo Binghe chokes out, the start of tears bubbling in eyes the shade of the night sky. This child! Always so quick to tears! Was the once great protagonist no longer used to convenient plots just falling into his lap?!
No, wait. Of course he wasn’t. This wasn’t Luo Bingge anymore. There were no more wives trapped and helpless, needing him to help them before they inevitably fell in love with him and joined his endless harem. Qingqiu’s Binghe only had him, and the plot had changed so unrecognizably to the point where Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what would happen when at all anymore!
“Now, now Binghe. This master is right here.” Shen Qingqiu stands, grabbing his husband’s hand and dragging him up along with him. It wouldn’t do to sit about snivelling and crying, not with this particular plot. There was absolutely no time that they could waste - because the second they had stumbled into here, the clock had already started ticking.
“But… but Shizun, you got hurt because of the carelessness of this disciple. I should have done better to watch for danger ahead,” Binghe mutters with a scowl towards the ground. Binghe! The ground didn’t do anything to you! There’s no need to glare at it like it's one of those servants who has failed you!
“Nonsense. This master is far from injured, so do not blame yourself. There is no preventing this sort of thing from happening.” Shen Qingqiu offers his foolish husband a smack on the head with his trusty fan, before once again turning his sharp gaze towards their surroundings. Even knowing what awaited them, the dim chamber and the corridor that began to stretch ahead filled the pit of his stomach with dread.
Now, this wife plot had been infamous amongst the readers of Proud Immortal Demon Way . The wife herself was high enough in the numbers of the harem that most of those on the forum had started to lose interest - and patience - with “Great Master” Airplane. And the plot was tedious and, frankly, dull when Bingge was already at the peak of his power! He didn’t need this sort of challenge when he could just carve through the maze and rescue the maiden himself without hardly any effort!
Don’t you see, Airplane?! This kind of contrived plot is completely useless! Wife plot #2423 is utterly pointless!
Simply put, Shen Qingqu was going to have some choice words to say to his beloved Shang-shidi when they returned to Cang Qiong.
“Shizun, this husband thinks we should make our way ahead. If you are not injured, then we should not waste anymore time,” Binghe says, practically right next to Shen Qingqiu’s ear as he breathes out his words. A hand strokes against Qingqiu’s own, a longing to be close no matter the situation. Ah! This child was ever so sticky!
The shy glow of the crimson mark upon Luo Binghe’s forehead provides a dim light as Qingqiu attempts to untangle himself from his husband. Predictably, though, Binghe clings selfishly to his hand as he begins to make his way towards the corridor ahead. In the original novel, Bingge had ventured down here to rescue Wife #2423 on purpose, with a torchbearer by his side. But simply having stumbled in here from above, all the two of them had was Binghe’s softly glowing demonic mark.
“Mm. Perhaps you should lead the way, Binghe. This master will follow behind.” As nice as having that reassuring glow right next to him was, there was absolutely no way that Shen Qingqiu would be able to lead them anywhere stumbling around uselessly in the dark! Binghe had the advantage of eyes that could see in the dark, and being the protagonist - free with plot armour!
“Shizun. Will you… still hold my hand?” Binghe asks, moving in front of Shen Qingqiu with a slight whine at the loss of contact.
What was he?! A child that needed his hand held so he wouldn’t get lost in a busy supermarket?!
But, of course, Shen Qingqiu never was one to be able to refuse his dear husband, and he quickly takes back Binghe’s hand with a sigh. If that was what it took to make him willing to get going, then so be it!
---
Their pace is slow to start, Binghe startled at every other shadow flickering against the walls. Shen Qingqiu understood, he really did! But Binghe, this wasn’t the Holy Mausoleum! There were no vicious guards waiting around every corner to hunt them down. Not this time at least. If he remembered correctly, this trial was little more than a labyrinth with the maiden waiting at the centre. And not even a cleverly designed labyrinth! If you’re going to force your main character into navigating their way around in the dark, then at least make it interesting, Airplane! Ah well, it meant that they would have an easy-
Shen Qingqiu is pushed aside by Binghe before he can even or process that anything was happening. Snapped from a peaceful journey through this labyrinth, a chill permeates the air.
Sure, we are underground but it shouldn’t be that cold .
He flicks his gaze from the walls of the labyrinth dripping with the start of ice beginning to freeze, instead towards his husband who holds… a sword made of ice? It is clenched so tight in his grip that it has begun to splinter into a thousand shards and snowflakes. Curious… he had no recollection of anything like this happening in the original novel. It had been effortless for Bingge, and even the few demonic beasts that had plagued his path were no challenge at all.
Come to think of it, there are very few beings in this world that can make my Binghe falter.
And, he could only think of one person - demon, rather - that had the power to create such powerful ice and freeze over an entire room.
Mobei-Jun .
Wait, what?! No fucking way?! He of all people was absolutely not supposed to be here! And what did this lofty young lord think he was doing, attacking his master in the dark like that?!
“... Mn, Junshang , my apologies.” The man’s voice is frigid and slow as he speaks, a cadence that Shen Qingqiu never could quite get used to.
A handsome face meant nothing if it was attached to a man like that!
But really! What was he doing here?! Shen Qingqiu could vaguely recall that at this point in the novel, Mobei-jun had long since lost his utility and had been relegated to becoming a background character who only showed up to mope over his lost servant or offer backup in battle to Bingge - not that Bingge needed his help though.
But, with the story changed, he was one of Binghe’s most trusted advisors - well, that part wasn’t too much of a change - as well as his close friend, and the ever frigid king of the Northern Desert. Perhaps he had noticed his lord’s absence and set out to search for him, only to end up trapped within the labyrinth’s walls himself?
No, that seemed like far too much thought for Mobei-Jun on his own. Not to mention that both Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe had not seen hide nor hair of the ice demon for months. That wasn’t unusual , per say, but with his appearance here… Shen Qingqiu really hoped that he hadn’t been trapped in the labyrinth all of that time.
“Woah, woah…! My king, who are you- oh… hey Shen-shixiong .” Shen Qingqiu had to grit his teeth, grip tightening around the handle of his fan, the second he heard the telltale squeak of his shidi. It’s hard, but he manages to hold back from attacking Shang Qinghua in front of Mobei-Jun. Of course Mobei-Jun came along with an Airplane-bro!
“How… How did the great Immortal Master Shen find himself in this predicament? It thought you of all people would be a little more… careful.” He understood, bro from another world, he understood a lot!
But isn’t this your fault, Qinghua? You are the author, after all. If “Great Master” Airplane has problems with his plot, then maybe he should have thought about that before he wrote it!
“I should be asking you that, Shang-shidi. Of both you and your icy lord over there,” Shen Qingqiu says from behind a quickly snapped open fan, grimace hidden by the careful craftsmanship of its panels.
“Ah well, you know. It’s so easy to stumble into things like this nowadays! It was a complete accident, really! Right, my king?” Shang Qinghua stammers out, looking towards Mobei-Jun for any sort of backup for the words that he had stumbled over.
“Mn,” Mobei-Jun grunts as a noncommittal response.
“Mobei,” Binghe pipes up after a long drought of silence from him. He shakes off the few remaining icicles from his hand, shooting a glare towards his second-in-command, “I don’t care whatever excuses Shang-shishu spouts out for you over there, you should not have attacked so blindly like that. You could have hurt Shizun.”
How sweet of you, dear husband! But I can defend myself, if you would give me a chance!
“Mn. That was not my intention, Junshang. It was hard to tell who you were in the dark. I feared whoever you were may end up hurting my sweet little lemming.” Shen Qingqiu cocks an eyebrow at Shang Qinghua at the pet name, watching as a deep flush spreads across his friend’s face. Oh, whatever. Who cared what the great Mobei-Jun called his esteemed consort? It couldn’t be any worse than the emperor of the Demon Realm sniffling and crying, constantly clinging to his husband’s sleeves while calling him “Shizun”! If anyone was going to ruin their reputation with what they called their spouse, it was going to be Binghe!
With a sigh, and a snap echoing through the labyrinth’s tunnels as he shuts his fan, Shen Qingqiu speaks up again, “There has been no damage done, to either this master or Shang-shidi. It would do us well to simply move on, all together. Four minds shall be better than two after all.” This would definitely be the better outcome for his bro at least. With that airheaded block of ice by his side, he had surely been navigating on his own. And Shen Qingqiu knew that for a fact that he certainly didn’t remember the map of the labyrinth he had created - though that seemed to be the case with most things in this novel, long forgotten by their author.
Not like I remember exactly either, but I’ve got to have more of it down than that hack author!
Shang Qinghua squeaks, with a shiver (so even he wasn’t completely immune to the freeze Mobei-Jun caused in the air around him), seemingly nudged forward by Mobei to say something, “Oooh, yeah you’re so right, Cuc- Shen-shixiong! Not like my king or I will end up being much help, but like, you know! Never hurts to have extra people around, just in case!” Just in case , his ass. Shen Qingqiu was going to push his dearest Airplane-bro into danger at the first chance he got.
“Mn,” agrees Mobei-Jun
The ice in his hand glows faintly, like a small shimmering lantern against the dark of the night. That, at least, would be helpful after stumbling around in the dark for so long.
“Very well, let’s go then.” Shen Qingqiu flips his fan again, with a glance towards his husband. Luo Binghe still seems on edge, reaching out back towards Shen Qingqiu to cling desperately to his hand.
“What’s wrong, dear Binghe?” He mumbles softly to Luo Binghe as they begin to follow after the Northern Desert pair.
Look, they have the light, it’s only natural for us to follow them!
“... Shizun, are you sure that you’re not hurt…?” Was he really still worried about that?! Binghe, that was like five minutes ago, they had already moved on! Keep up! Though, for Luo Binghe who only ever cared to worry about Shen Qingqiu’s health and happiness, he would dwell on it as long as he had to, to assure his shizun’s safety.
“Binghe, it was only Mobei-Jun. He stopped his attack as soon as he realised who you were,” Shen Qingqiu says, giving Luo Binghe’s hand a reassuring squeeze, “And you protected this master at any rate. This husband is fine, other than a bit of shock at seeing Mobei here at all.”
Why did this child have to be so much trouble? Surely he understood that Shen Qingqiu could take care of himself? Did he not show him that by using his own strength to get Binghe out of so many sticky situations in the past?
Don’t think about Maigu Ridge. Absolutely not! Not thinking about that!
“... You’re right, Shizun. You’re always right,” Binghe says as he’s moved to clinging tightly to Shen Qingqiu’s arm. He’s not going anywhere! He wouldn’t have anywhere to go even if he wanted to! It was like the Holy Mausoleum all over again, minus Tianlang-Jun… and the blind corpses… and pretty much all of the danger. Okay! Maybe it wasn’t like the Holy Mausoleum at all! But the thought had been there!
Shen Qingqiu sighs, tapping his foolish husband a few times on the head with the fan in the hand that was not currently being monopolised by Luo Binghe, “Don’t look at me like that. You know this master is not quite as grand as you often claim him to be.” He was a sham! A practised poser! A complete and utter sham! So please don’t look at him with those dark eyes - glittering like pools of stars in the night sky - so innocent and reverent!
“No! You’re wonderful, Shizun!” Shen Qingqiu lets a Shang Qinghua adjacent squeak as Luo Binghe proceeds to monopolise more of his body with those words. Personal space, husband of mine, have you heard of it?!
This child was so … sticky!
“Okay, okay, this master understands!” He tries not to stumble with Binghe clinging to him, Shang Qinghua shooting back a questioning glance towards them.
Look! I am trying my best, Airplane-bro! You try walking when you have another person almost completely clinging to your body!
“Binghe. Off,” He scolds gently, tugging on Binghe’s long and curly ponytail like that was going to actually help the situation. If anything, it only made Luo Binghe lean in further, like a cat begging for more rubs on their tummy. He was trying to get you further away, Binghe, not closer!
(Selfishly, he really only wanted an excuse to be able to run his hands through Binghe’s hair. So soft! So curly and fluffy!)
“Shizun…” Luo Binghe pouts, stubbornly continuing to cling on to Shen Qingqiu. Good grief, they weren’t going to get anywhere at this rate. Well, not anywhere meaningful at least.
---
After what feels like an eternity, the four of them finally reach the centre of the labyrinth. It’s even more opulent than what Shen Qingqiu could have imagined from Airplane’s - lacklustre - descriptions. All of the walls in the room were lined with jade, murals inlaid with precious stones, and a canopy bed in the middle, decorated with expensive lace and fancy bedsheets.
If he remembered correctly, the maiden that Bingge had ventured into this labyrinth to retrieve was put there by her father as he had waited for a proper marriage prospect for her. She had been simply too beautiful to behold by any ordinary man, so her father, the leader of some sect or another, had kept her locked away. At least until Bingge finally appeared to sweep his new wife off her feet.
There had been at least 30 chapters of Bingge just traversing the maze - Shen Qingqiu had learned a long time ago that his Binghe often cleared challenges a lot faster, simply by putting all cares aside and solely protecting him - with the hype building up for hundreds of thousands of words. Of course, Wife 2423 was beautiful, so it was well worth the suspense.
Come on! Let me see that forever hyped wife too! If I had to take on the challenge of the labyrinth, then I at least have the right to see her!
He carefully approaches the edge of the bed, not noticing the grimace that crosses Shang Qinghua’s face, pulling back the curtains to find…
“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. What are you doing here?”