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It was early in the morning. Heart was staring themself down in the mirror, carefully scanning over every detail of their appearance that they could make out. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling so disgusted by his appearance all of a sudden. Juno had been out for years at this point, and never once had they experienced dysphoria like this. They had never experienced any sort of dysphoria period, but now it was making them feel like a complete and utter wreck. He gently ran a hand over his chest, pressing down in an attempt to flatten his chest as much as he could. It didn’t work. Even with a proper binder, it wouldn’t work. This upset Artemis greatly, knowing he’d never be able to be himself without going under the knife, something he was too afraid to do even if he could afford it.
Artemis sighed and threw on their oversized hoodie. At least the bigger size did a decent enough job of hiding his chest. It was only really noticeable if he stretched or slouched too much, and that was good enough for now. It at least stopped the incredible discomfort they were feeling. Maybe one day they’d find something else that worked. They looked masculine enough to feel content with their appearance. They finished getting ready for the day and headed off to class with their housemates. Hopefully, this was just a one-time thing, and he could make it through the day without wanting to rip his body apart. They’d lived their entire life up to this point without experiencing anything like this, who’s to say they couldn’t go the rest of their life without it too?
The Moon sat in their first class of the day, listening to the lecture, taking notes, and even being brave enough to answer a few questions. But of course, nothing could ever be as easy as it should be. Heart answered a question that a classmate of his had apparently gotten wrong, and of course, this classmate had an issue since they were correct too. That wasn’t the issue, why would it be? It was his professor’s response. “You weren’t wrong. She just spoke louder, and I liked her answer better”. Artemis cringed at this, deciding to be brave for once in their life and speak up. “(He! I’m a He!)”. And “she” was promptly ignored, the professor continuing to refer to them incorrectly.
All day every day it’s she/her. She/her. She/her. He’d done everything except start wearing a giant pronoun button again, but even when they did wear it they were still she/her’d. Juno couldn’t escape it. Even just talking to someone they’d met online over a call for the first time, their first reaction was “I did not expect your voice to sound like that”. Apparently, years of training his voice to sound lower didn’t make him sound any less feminine. He was too feminine period, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He was so sick and tired of constantly being perceived as something he wasn’t, no matter how many times he corrected people.
The day soon ended and Heart was exhausted. Once they arrived home they immediately went into the bathroom, taking off his blindfold, and taking a good hard look at himself in the mirror once again. Juno could barely make out his own figure, but what he did see staring back was not him. This is not who he was. But this is all people perceived them to be. He took off his hoodie and t-shirt, staring at the binder that didn’t do a damn thing to help. They felt sickened by their own appearance. Artemis felt their…no…her breathing become more rapid. This is all he- she was going to be to everyone. Just another she/her. Just the woman staring back in the mirror. The Moon looked down at their her chest, slowly starting to scratch at it. “(I don’t want to do this anymore…I..I can’t be me…I’m not me…)” Tears streamed down Heart’s face, standing there, desperately clawing and trying to get rid of those damn torturous curves.
“(WHY CAN’T I BE ME?!)” Juno’s scream echoed, managing to make its way into the ears of Mind and Soul. The pair quickly rushed into the bathroom, witnessing the scene in front of them. There were bright red scratch marks littered all over The Moon’s neck and chest, a few of which were now bleeding. Atlas immediately left to go grab a first aid kit, leaving Apollo to comfort the sobbing mess in front of him. He gently approached Artemis, trying hard to make his voice sound comforting. “[...You don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to…but what the hell is going on?]” The Sun knelt down, sitting next to The (currently sobbing) Moon. Heart reached over and just hugged Mind tightly, nearly crushing the poor man.
Soul soon came back into the room and sat next to the two. “{You figure out what’s going on with him Sunshine?}”. “(No…)” Heart felt even sicker, having completely given up on being referred to correctly. Atlas raised an eyebrow and gently lifted up Artemis’ face. “{Huh? What do you mean no? Was it something I said…? I’m sorry if I made it worse Juno.}” He sighed softly. “{...let’s just get all this cleaned up okay?}” The Stars gently started cleaning The Moon’s wounds, the hydrogen peroxide causing The Moon to flinch and hiss in pain. “{Oi don’t hiss at me, ya wild animal}” He chuckled softly, trying to bring some humor into the situation, and placed some bandages over the scratches. “{See? Not that hard. I’m sure Apollo would agree with me. Come on tell him he’s overreacting Sunshine.}”. Artemis flinched again hearing Atlas.
Mind looked at Heart, finally starting to figure things out. The scratches, the distress, the way their moon kept flinching, it all made sense. “[....Is this a gender thing, Juno?]” Juno froze before slowly nodding. Apollo sighed softly and pulled Artemis back into a hug. “[You should know by now that your appearance doesn’t mean a damn thing…whatever you say you are is what you are and we will always support that.]” “(It’s more complicated than that Mind…I’m sick of people only seeing me as one thing when I’ve told everyone countless times that’s not who I am. No matter what I do I..can’t be me…I don’t want to deal with it anymore.)” The Moon’s voice cracked. “(Why can’t I just be happy with the way I am…I know I’m not me…but wouldn’t it just be easier to stop trying..?)”
Atlas frowned seeing someone he cared for so much break down like this. “{Some people just don’t understand Junebug…it sucks but that’s life. Some people are just too stupid, or too caught up in their unjustified hatred to actually listen to you. You shouldn’t put yourself through hell just to appease a couple of morons. If there’s anything you need to feel more like yourself please tell us…I won’t hesitate to stab a bitch if they’re disrespecting you}” That comment managed to get a small laugh out of Artemis. “(Soul no…nobody is being malicious…at least, I can’t tell if anybody is.)”. Soul chuckled and gently put his arm around Heart. “{If you need anything please tell us…Apollo and I would do basically anything to make sure you feel like yourself.}” The Stars wiped away a few of The Moon’s tears, giving him a gentle kiss on their forehead. “{and I am dead serious I will fight whoever you need me to fight.}” Juno laughed a bit more, hiding their face in Soul’s shirt a bit. “(Don’t…I’m perfectly capable of handling it myself.)”
Soul smiled and pet Heart’s hair a bit. “{Yknow….I’ve heard there are a few organizations around campus that have resources for trans people…maybe we should stop by. Someone there might be able to help you better than Apollo and I can.}” Artemis nodded. “(Yeah…that sounds nice. I’d…like to maybe look into getting surgery…I’m just…scared.)” Apollo nodded and handed Juno his blindfold and hoodie. “[That’s perfectly reasonable. Any medical procedure has a lot of risks. Or are you just terrified for no reason like you usually are?]”. Heart gave Mind a playful glare. “(Oi. That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’d have his goddamn chest cut open.)”. “[And you’re not the one who needs to babysit someone just so they don’t start crying over a checkup again]” The two went back and forth for a bit before seeing a familiar reddish glow coming from their host, and his trident. “{I’ll wait}”. The trio all just stared at each other for a moment before laughing.
Heart threw back on his hoodie and blindfold, now feeling a bit less uncomfortable with themself. Soul sent his trident back to wherever they summoned it from and led the trio out of the bathroom and into the kitchen for dinner. Artemis got to pick what they ate since the day had been so rough, which he was more than happy about. While waiting for the food to be ready, he thought to himself, quietly humming. The Moon felt like themself for once, not quite perfect, but content for now. The only people that mattered knew he was himself, and that’s all they needed to know. And things would only get better once he worked up the courage (and the money) to make his body more accurate to who he actually was. A certain phrase came to mind. A phrase that summed up Juno’s thoughts almost perfectly. They were unsure where they heard it, but they were pretty certain it was something either Apollo or Atlas had said. Maybe Artemis himself said it. “I am me”. And that’s all that mattered.