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Time really does fly by quickly when you aren't looking. Even though the events at the Salt Snow Holy City felt relatively recent, Seele's return back to AE was already expected in less than a week.
The girl took pride in serving her organization in the pursuit of helping others, but if she was being fully transparent, she was definitely going to miss this more domestic lifestyle she had been living in for a while.
There was something fulfilling whenever Seele was the first to wake up. To see a sleeping Bronya next to her because the silver haired girl overworked herself the previous night yet again. To get out of bed and prepare a hearty breakfast. To greet everyone one by one as they, in their half asleep state, enter the kitchen after waking up to the smell Seele's cooking. To see them off as they start their industrious day. To go out shopping or buying groceries with her other self. And to have no problem in the world other than what to make for dinner that very night.
Such simple moments like these with the people closest to her made Seele's heart feel whole. It might sound traditional but she was really starting to yearn for the role of a housewife. Maybe someday…
Seele pulled out a blue spray bottle from the corner of the counter and began to water Chiron.
Hmm, she'll have to teach Bronya how to take care of their cornflower soon. Once she is back to work AE will definitely be sending her off to different locations again.
'I would like you, Seele Vollerei, to lead the next expedition to the Sea of Quanta.'
Professor Einstein's words reverberated deep in Seele's mind. How could she forget? She still had to answer the professor's request when she got back.
If the blue haired girl was to be selfish and self-centered she would have flat out just said no. Seele had never led an expedition before, even during her mission with Susannah. She never saw either of them as the leader, more so equals.
She might have peaked out of her shell overtime but the blue haired girl still didn't have the self confidence to be able to lead, let alone be a leader to a whole expedition… especially to the Sea of Quanta.
But Seele was aware this was an offer the professors gave to her because they knew she was best fit. And Seele herself knew turning it down would be the antithesis to her journey of self growth and desire to protect others. Yet such developments felt halfhearted at the face of this adversary that had haunted her all her life.
It was silly of her to still think like this after all she's been through, but Seele was still afraid of The Sea.
She wanted to say she was less terrified than when she first ended up in that blasted space of chaos, but that wasn't the full truth. To a younger Seele, the Sea of Quanta was once an abyssal horror of unknowns and disorders she couldn't wrap her small head around or make rhyme or reason with. But now, after witnessing Sa, Seele's fears had something tangible to cling to.
To be haunted by the thoughts of a possible monster under your bed. Or to see that monster's form just barely an arms grab away from you, staring right at your very soul.
Either one, Seele was damned.
All of this bleak thinking was getting to Seele mentally and physically. Her stomach felt as if it sank to the lowest of pits yet she could still feel the lump in her throat rising. Her head was beginning to ache as the ringing in her ears grew louder. She held onto the kitchen window's base for dear life as the dizziness was getting to her. Her eyes felt heavy and unfocused.
Trying to grasp some form of reality she pivoted her sights on Chiron.
Something was off.
The usual vibrant blue Chiron glowed with suddenly grew dull, their leaves were slacking and stem limp.
Seele's eyes widened when she realized the plant was withering.
'How?!'
She quickly brought her hands in front of the cornflower and casted upon her authority. But when her finger ever so slightly touched a single petal it shriveled into dust.
As if her power was doing the opposite, the plant only began to wilt more. The stem could no longer support the once bright flower head as it sank lower and lower till every last petal dropped to the dry cracking soil.
The cornflower had no trace of life left.
'Why..?'
…
'How?!'
Seele stood unmoved. Her trembling hands still around the once existing plant.
'I should have brought Chiron back to life…'
'I hold the authority of life!'
'I am the Herrscher of Rebirth!'
'Herrscher of Life and….'
'Death.'
Ah. Of course. How could Seele forget that part… that very, very, VERY important part.
Her authority was a paradox itself.
Just as she can bring people back from the dead with a snap of her fingers, she can also just as easily take away the life of the innocent.
Case and point. Chiron.
Life begets death. And in bestowing a being with existence, Seele has also plagued them with the fate of death.
Death. Seele has always been familiar with that awful word.
Death was in the dull eyes of the bodies that piled in her hometown after the mercenaries attacked.
Death was the futile gasps for air her abductor took as Bronya choked him with his own necktie.
Death was the cold feeling of that kind stranger, big sister Sakura's skin when the Herrscher of Corruption took her life.
Seele knew all too well what death was.
Yet she foolishly thought once she finally obtained the power of life, she could avoid its looming curse. She was still a stupid, stupid child for fantasizing about such a reality.
"Ha… ha…"
Her sad excuse for a laugh echoed all across the room and back to her own ringing ears, otherwise the apartment was deafeningly quiet.
Death…
Death was being alone.
—
"Seele, I'm home."
Veliona called out as she entered the kitchen. After dropping off Project Bunny and Bronya's lunch the redhead took her sweet time heading home when she decided to stroll past the bay walk.
But she didn't expect the apartment to be void of any life.
Veliona checked. All of Seele's footwear were still in the shoe rack. Her coat was still on the hanger. She didn't even leave a note if she went out for just a second. Seele should be here.
So, where was she?
It was out of character for Seele to just disappear like this. Was she playing a prank on Veliona? That was usually Veliona's job. And surely the blue haired girl had outgrown her game of hide and seek…
Veliona's stomach sank when she noticed the dead cornflower on the window.
'How did this happen?'
'Just this morning Chiron was flourishing!'
What had transpired in the span of mere hours for them to wither and rot as if they had been dead for longer?
Suddenly the mild worry Veliona had felt for Seele grew to anxiety gnawing concern in the pit of her stomach.
"Seele?!"
The girl yelled for her other self all over the apartment. She was nowhere in the kitchen or the living room. So Veliona called for her in her and Bronya's shared room. Then her own room. Still nowhere.
Just as Veliona was about to barge into the shower she heard a sob from the door next to it. The small broom closet.
"Seele…?" She called out as she slowly opened the door.
Veliona found the blue haired girl sitting in one corner of the closet, she was hugging her knees as she leaned on the wall. A sob coming out from her mouth every now and then.
It was a sight Veliona didn't expect to see again, after all these years.
"Hey…"
As if anything stronger could break fragile glass, the redhead spoke softly.
Veliona also decided to sit on the floor slightly across Seele. The closet's width was just small enough that her feet were digging into the wall next to her other self. This way they were both facing each other. Nothing to hide. At least Veliona hoped.
"I saw… Chiron… Did you know what happened..?"
Veliona was careful with her words. She usually wasn't this conscious with the way she spoke. But she also usually wasn't asking for Seele's feelings since she used to be able to read them like the back of her hand. Back when they still shared a body…
It almost made Veliona go crazy how she couldn't understand Seele the same way she used to.
Seele always insisted that Veliona having her own body was a blessing. But sometimes Veliona didn't see it like that, this was one of those times.
Seele was silent. And Veliona hated every minute of it.
"Seele… please…" the redhead whispered. She leaned closer to her other self as she laid her hand on Seele's own stray one that clawed at the floor.
Seele pulled back, which dug a hole deep into Veliona's chest. But at least, finally, the blue haired girl spoke.
"Seele… I'm scared…"
Countless questions popped into Veliona's head. Who scared you? What did they do? Who do I have to hurt?
But for some reason, this question beckoned her, "Why..?"
"I…" Seele's lips trembled, "I killed Chiron!"
"What…"
"I don't want to hurt anyone!" Seele cried as she buried her hard between her own knees.
Veliona was also quiet this time, but inside her heart slowly collapsed from the aching feeling of guilt.
Veliona had a good idea what had transpired in her absence. In fact, she was pessimistic enough to foresee something like this eventually happening. But she never wanted to believe it would. Her new life with Seele was all she could dream of. Everything was perfect. There were no longer any conflicts, no enemy, no nothing that could get in the way of her and her other self finally being happy.
Oh how naïve of her to think it would last for long.
There were no happy endings when it came to the Herrscher of Death.
To have put this burden on Seele when Veliona herself had the chance to accept the core's offer to become a Herrscher. Veliona was the most vile, the most evil, the most disgusting being to have existed.
Both of them knew becoming a Herrscher carried much, much weight. But they never realized how heavy that toll was going to be, especially with their circumstances.
After all, Seele was the first and probably only Herrscher born from The Sea of Quanta. From Sa.
What if some day something bad happened to her because of those powers? Who would they ask for help from? Kiana? The professors? Sa themselves?
Seele was all alone at this, and Veliona's loathing for such a thought made her own blood boil.
Sa, they were a feared enemy. They might not be as powerful as the Cocoon but Sa had the wits and cunningness of a human, an intelligent being. If they gave Sa enough time, Sa would eventually gather enough power to be equal or even become stronger than the Cocoon of Finality. A power to rival the stars.
What then? Would Sa come after Seele and take her authority? Take her free will?
Take her away from Veliona?
"Seele…" the blue haired girl spoke to her other self, "you're crying…"
The redhead was so engrossed in her own train of depressing thoughts she almost didn't realize Seele had wiped the tears running down her cheeks.
Veliona hugged Seele.
"S-Seele…?" The blue haired girl blinked, the tears she had welled up rolling down her face.
Sa was going to take Seele away from her, just like her Proxy almost did not too long ago.
And Veliona was just as helpless as before to do anything about it.
She tightened her grasp on Seele.
It was almost funny, if not outright tragic. Really even till now fate has been toying with the girls. From their deeply misunderstood first meeting. To their clashing personalities and goals that rarely made them see eye to eye. And to now, a cosmic god that could take one of them away from the other.
Veliona, once again, felt the bitter taste of powerlessness.
"Please…." Veliona sobbed onto Seele's shoulder, "Stay…"
She clawed at the girls back as if anchoring her in place lest she suddenly depart unannounced,
"Don't leave me alone, Seele!"
Her other self's weeping echoed throughout the closet's walls, almost drowning Seele in her own sorrows.
But she had to be strong. Even if it meant breaking her own longing heart.
Veliona clung to her, probably just as tightly as when they were reunited back at that bubble universe.
But Seele didn't hug back. She just couldn't.
Her other self was warm, yet the warmth almost felt… wrong to Seele.
The warmth was there. The skinship was there. The emotions were all there… Yet Seele was still at unease.
And she finally understood why…
Seele was still scared. Probably even more so than earlier.
Veliona was human.
She always has. Her growth and emotions are proof of that.
Yet humans are mortal.
Humans are finite.
Humans have a countdown.
Humans can die…
'Haha…' Seele almost wanted to laugh into insanity. She willed herself to be quiet however, otherwise the sobbing redhead would be even more distressed.
Growing up, Death has always been in the corner of Seele's sights, amidst the shadows. But she often just assumed it was there ready to eat her up when she least expected it. Yet that might not be the case. Perhaps Death's eyes were never on Seele herself, rather on everyone else she loved.
Despair was in Seele's heart. To think, the thing she's always vowed time and time again may one day bite her at her very core.
For Seele knew if she stayed, she may one day kill Veliona.