Chapter Text
The Crowley-Fells had been living peacefully in their little cottage in Tadfeild for over a decade when new neighbors moved in. Mr and Mr. Gadless.
They were a pleasant enough couple as it was. Robert or Hob as he preferred was a being of endless optimism and his partner stood behind him brooding. They were quite the odd couple not that Crowley and Aziraphale could say anything about it.
One would think they would have troubles with Hob’s Husband Morpheus given his anti-social nature. No, the problem arouse when Crowley found out Hob Also kept a
garden.
And so the two neighboring families never knew peace as Hob and Crowley competed with each other in who was the better gardening while their husbands looked on in fond amusement.
“At least my plants aren’t shaking all the time” Crowley and Hob were mid argument forth time this month.
“At least I have plants that are nice to look at, instead of stupid potatoes!”
“Potatoes are practical you jackass”
“I like Hob’s potatoes.” Dream mutters not looking up from his landscape he was painting.
“Yeah I bet you like his carrot too.”
Crowley snickers, hob going beat red.
“Crowley! Quite antagonizing Mr.Gadless over his vegetable choices.”
Aziraphale admonishes from his comfy rocking chair on the porch.
Dream got up from his easel, and approached enemy territory, not that Hob would notice, too busy yelling at Crowley and all.
“Ah. Mr.Gadless! What are you doing on this side of the fence, Robert would be most displeased to see you fraternizing with the enemy.” Aziraphale giggled like he was telling a secret joke. Dream simply cocked his head to the side.
“Morpheus is fine, I have breached contentment to see if I could broker peace. This petty feud has gone on long enough.” Morpheus spoke with the authority of someone who dealt in actual politics.
“I absolutely agree but Crowley can be a bit stubborn at times.”
“Aye, my Hob is the same.”
“What if I invited you two over for a friendly dinner away from the gardens so Hob and Crowley could get to know each other better as people instead of mortal enemies.” It felt like arranging a strategic play date for feuding toddlers but it’s what they were acting like.
“That sounds delightful, Aziraphale. I shall inform Hob of our plans, let’s say tonight at seven?”
“Seven it is dear boy, oh and bring something… drinkable.”
Morpheus nodded and walked over to where Hob was spouting some very crude remarks about Crowley’s Petunias, dream simply grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and dragged him inside wordlessly.
Now un distracted and growing increasingly bored Crowley saunters up to Aziraphale.
“Angel, what was ol doom and gloom doing behind our fence?”
Aziraphale turned a page in his book refusing to look up, “we are to have dinner with the Gadlesses tonight at seven, and you will behave.”
“Angel!”
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“I’m not going”
“Hob”
“I’m not going and you can’t make me.”
They stood in their living room half ready to walk out the door almost too late for protests.
“Hob Gadling.”
“He is a demon dream! A literal demon! And he insulted my potatoes and…carrot.”
Dream sighed, pausing from tying Hob’s scarf.
“Husband, Crowley is not a demon, he is a normal human person.”
Hob huffs, “Aziraphale is a literal angel for putting up with him.”
“I must teach you the difference between literal and figurative.” Dream finishing tying the scarf stepping back to admire his work. “It’s unbecoming”
Hob laughs at his remark and pulls him in for a kiss.
“I’m a college professor you twat.”
“A college professor worth his salt would be able to think of a better insult than…twat.”
He said twat like it was a foreign substance in his mouth he was not sure what to do with.
“Cmon we don’t want to keep a figurative demon waiting.” Hob took Morpheus’s hand and lead them to the other house.