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The moment you laid your eyes on Astarion, you understood every thirsty post from the internet. From his white curls and sharp red eyes to his even sharper smile and deadly dagger-spinning skills.
You know he is a fictional character, know you will never meet him in real life, but that does not stop you from falling in love the moment he opens his mouth to speak. You just want Astarion to be happy.
Even if it means scum saving and breaking your immersion in the game just for Astarion to approve the most niche dialogues you could find.
“Obviously I’m glad we didn’t level the monastery with that sun cannon. But…” Astarion says, his hands gesticulating flourishingly just as Tav crosses their arms across their chest. Next to them, Astarion continues, a little bit of snarkiness in his voice, “Come on, you can’t say you weren’t a little curious to see what would happen!”
You actually want to see what would happen. You are just the littlest bit curious as to what would happen if you failed to deactivate the laser. The conversation with Astarion ends here, leaving you with several choices of what to do. In instinct, you immediately save the game. Then, as the curiosity takes over, you load the previous save, which brings you back to the moment you stood in front of the laser, contemplating what to do.
You end up separating your team into two groups, with your Tav and Shadowheart standing just a little way away from the mansion. Just in case you will need a healer or two. Then, you steer Astarion and your last companion straight to the room where the mace is, ready to be picked.
You let Astarion pick it up and as you click on the weapon to interact with it, a cutscene plays.
“Oh no…” you whisper to yourself even as a wicked smile starts stretching your lips. You watch, entranced, as the laser activates, aimed towards the room where Astarion is locked in. There is only a moment of trepidation, of thrill, before the beam of concentrated sunlight shoots through the mansion and you gasp.
The mansion explodes and you gasp again, louder. In a spur of panic, you abandon your curiosity and load your original savefile, one where you made it out safely.
You take a long rest, only to notice an exclamation mark above Astarion’s head. Excited, as always when your favourite vampire wants to speak with you, you hastily direct your Tav over to interact.
“What in the sweet hells were you thinking, activating that lance!? I was right there !” Astarion screams, his voice cracking with anger. He huffs, rolling his shoulders. “Gods! Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”
You frown, confused. You check again to make sure you are on the correct savefile. The one where Astarion did not blow away. Then you frown some more. As you pick what you want to say, some part of your mind wonders if the game simply glitched for some reason. Nevertheless, you pick up an opportunity to go through this particular dialogue.
“I thought the tadpole protects you from the sunlight?”
“Well, apparently there is a limit. Somewhere between a nice summer’s day, and a full concentrated power of the sun!” Astarion shouts, and Tav proceeds to watch as the man walks in front of them in circles. When he finally stops, he takes a deep breath (even when they both know Astarion, as a vampire, doesn’t need to breathe - it’s like a habit of his) and then he says, “Although I—... I appreciate you fixing your mistake… Just don’t do it again!”
With that, Astarion stomps away, back to his tent, leaving Tav with Withers.
The next time you encounter a glitch related to Astarion is when you meet the drow in the Moonrise Towers. At first, the idea of a potion to make you more powerful sounded appalling enough to risk a few points on Astarion’s ‘best travelling companion’ list, but when you find out the truth about Oblodra’s vile concoction and Astarion’s quite revolting reaction, you quick load.
Maybe there is a little bit of jealousy, too. You do not like the idea of Astarion drinking someone else’s blood.
“I will have to say no, thank you,” Astarion says, his striking red eyes glancing towards Tav like a deer stuck between a fence and the predator. Like he is worried, scared even that they won’t like his answer. Tav merely crosses their arms as both Astarion and Araj wait for their answer.
“It’s your decision only, Astarion. I will not interfere,” is what they end up saying, shocking both the vampire and the drow. If anything, the white-haired man looks most surprised.
“You… Really? I mean—” Astarion seems to not know how to react to Tav’s words, but then he shakes himself out of whatever clouded his mind, pulling out that incredibly polite smile Tav knows is also incredibly fake, turning back to their drow ‘friend’. “In that case, my answer is still no.”
As they leave Araj Oblodra behind, Tav notices the furrow marring Astarion’s face. He looks around as if searching for something in the dark rocks and shadowed paths of the shadowlands. Alas, he finds nothing and the party moves on.
“I honestly wasn’t expecting you to deny her… offer,” Astarion says to Tav once they’re back in the camp. They’re tucked away from others near Astarion’s tent, not exactly inside but close enough to the entrance Tav is almost able to make out the interior of the vampire’s tent.
“What do you mean by that?” they ask in turn, arms crossed across their chest in their iconic pose.
“Well! I thought you were going to make me bite her and—” Astarion stops himself from speaking, sighs, then goes, “I’m just… I’m glad you didn’t. There was something wrong with her blood. It smelled rotten and foul. It probably wouldn’t have killed me, but it wouldn’t be very pleasant either.”
You respond to Astarion’s uncomfortable disgusted wince with your own. The vampire runs the tip of his tongue along his fangs, almost like he can still feel the aftertaste of Oblodra’s blood, even tho you reloaded the save already.
“You are your own person, Astarion. I trust you to make your own decisions,” Tav replies, shocking the vampire for a brief moment before Astarion puts his acting mask back, feigning nonchalant.
“Well, thank you, then. Although it is incredibly stupid of naive little you to trust a monster, I— I appreciate it.”
“Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan! Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you wouldn’t have a turn on me.” Astarion confesses, huffing a little laugh like the situation won’t be so scary to him if he just turns it into a joke. Then, he takes a shaky breath. “It was… easy. Instinctive.”
“Oh…” you sigh, a tight feeling like a hand grasping at your lungs making it so hard to breathe. Of course, you were expecting Astarion to be this type of character. You’d probably be more surprised if the vampire wouldn’t turn out to be a double-faced backstabbing asshole. You were expecting Astarion to betray you in one way or another. So why now, when he finally admits to his actions, do you still feel hurt?
‘Maybe because you’re in love with him,’ a quiet little voice in your head helpfully supplies.
“Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in,” Astarion continues, his voice breaking in the end. “All you had to do is fall for it. And all I had to do was… not fall for you,” he says with that fake smile of his but then falters. Astarion lets out a long suffering sigh, hand coming up to run through his immaculate silvery-white curls. He looks like he’s disappointed in himself, that whatever conclusion he came up with is something that even the vampire was not expecting to happen. “Which is where my nice simple plan fell apart.”
“Oh…?” You immediately perk up on your chair, hope blooming anew in your chest. Your fingers grip the desk, away from your mouse and keyboard in fear of accidentally pressing a button and skipping a line in the dialogue.
“You are… incredible,” Astarion says, voice barely louder than a whisper, shaking and brittle like never before, but also for the first time completely sincere as he looks at Tav. “You deserve something real…. I want this to be something real.”
“Oh… oh, Astarion…” you whisper to the quiet of your room, teary eyes and with hands covering your mouth. You think to yourself how it is not fair that the first romantic man you’ve met is not real.
The shock of finding his plan to manipulate you ‘romantic’ is enough to bring you back to the selection of answers.
“So your attraction to me was a lie?”
“Of course, I was attracted to you! Look at you, for goodness sake! You’re a—” his voice breaks again and he continues in a whisper, “You’re a vision… And you’re so much more than that.”
“I don’t know what to think.” His brows furrow as confusion, uncertainty and maybe a little bit of fear sink into the pits of his stomach. “I-I don’t know what I want.”
“I want you.”
“I want you.”
“Really?”
His disbelief is too much for you and you immediately set out Tav to hug him, not even reading the other options. But seeing Astarion’s reaction to the embrace, the way he melts into it, you know you’ve chosen correctly.
“You… You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”
You smile, curling your own arms around your knees. It’s probably just the way the camera is set, but just for a moment you feel like Astarion is not looking at your Tav, but at you. As if he can actually see you.
The camera changes the angle and the feeling is gone as fast as it came.
“Honestly, I have no idea what we’re doing. Or what comes next.” Astarion’s smile is sincere and sweet this time as he offers his hand to Tav, which they gently cover with their own. Astarion just as gently covers their hand with his free one, the warm palm safely hidden between his cold fingers. “But I know that this? This is nice.”
“Wake up!”
Astarion throws Cazador’s body out of his coffin and the old vampire master pathetically crawls back on his knees. Tav stands a little bit off to the side, along with Shadowheart and Gale, silent.
“Don’t you dare touch me, worm!” Cazador howls, trembling and weak as Astarion laughs above him.
“I’m not the one in the dirt,” he growls with so much malice Tav almost feels a shiver running down their spine.
You sigh. This is not the first time you’ve fought this fight, not your first time listening to Astarion’s monologue. It feels like it happened so long ago. Then, you’ve helped Astarion ascend. You really thought it was the best choice. The power was what he wanted. So, you gave it to him.
What became of him after the Rite of Profane Ascension - whatever it was, it wasn’t the Astarion you’ve met and, as foolish as it sounds, not the man you’ve fallen in love with. The Ascendant humiliated you, caused the fine hair on your forearms to stand up like a warning, he disgusted you. He made you cry. You still finished the game, but couldn’t force yourself to be done with it.
So, you’ve reloaded the game. Right to where you saved last during the Pale Elf quest. Right before confronting Cazador.
Now, as you sit and watch Astarion pleading with your Tav to help him finish the ritual, your hand shakes where it sits on your mouse. Even knowing what’s going to happen if you agree, you still have a hard time denying that man.
“This is not you, Astarion. The ritual will change you, it already does! You’ll end up being exactly like him.”
Astarion’s whole face twists in anger when he looks at Tav. There’s a moment of silence as he seems to mull over their words.
“Please…” you whisper in an empty room, stomach twisted in worry. “Please… Astarion…”
“You’re right. I can be better than him… But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to enjoy this.”
With a crooked smile that looks almost maniacal, Astarion grabs a fistful of Cazador’s hair, switches his grip on the blade and stabs his vampire master.
And stabs.
And stabs.
A n d s t a b s. . .
And stabs.
You lose count of how many times Astarion sinks the blade first into Cazador’s neck, his jaw and collarbone, then into his stomach. But you watch as he stabs and screams, unblinking until his entire hand is red with blood and Cazador lies unmoving on the floor. Then Astarion crumbles to his knees, letting out a soul-cleaning howl and a gut-wrenching sob.
You don’t even realize when you start crying until the first tear falls right on top of your hand. You have to take a break to wipe your cheeks dry.
As you take your headphones off and stand up to leave the room, you fail to notice a pair of eyes following after you.
“I want to show you something.”
You blink. Out of every single possible conversation you might have with Astarion after dealing with Cazador, a trip to a graveyard is not something you expect. But as you watch the scene in front of you unfurl, you feel… right. Like this is the place you were always meant to end up in.
“I love you. I love this. And I want all of it.”
You smile when your Tav and Astarion kiss. You try your damnest to be realistic about it - this man doesn’t exist. He’s a bunch of pixels on the screen, a few lines of computer code. He isn’t real and yet - you want him to be happy. And you want to give him that happiness. If choosing a few lines for your Tav to say is the most of your abilities - so be it.
You giggle uncontrollably when Astarion pushes your Tav on their back, then blush as he crawls between their legs…
“ Ah , there you are. Enjoying the view?”
The giggle immediately dies from your lips as a breath catches in your throat. You look at Astarion.
Astarion, who’s looking back at you.
It’s no mere glitch, it never was. His gaze is focused on you, clear and sharp. You try to lean left and right on your chair, but Astarion’s gaze never falters, dutifully following your face. He even smiles, like what you’re doing is both ridiculously funny and adorably sweet.
“Finally. Have I got your full attention?”
“A-Astarion…?” you try asking very, very quietly and the vampire’s smile widens a bit.
“Good. Don’t you dare look away now, darling .”