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Everything changed the day I killed Toji Fushiguro.
I’m now the guardian of two children.
I started going out on my missions alone.
I got stronger.
But, what hurt most in the end, was him leaving.
When he left me, I was forever different. I swore to myself to never fail to see when someone was struggling. I swore to never let the life of people come down to a sixteen year old. I swore to let children be children. I swore to change the jujutsu world for the better.
My best friend, my one and only,
I’m sorry for not seeing you struggling.
I’m sorry for failing to see you.
I’m sorry for failing you.
I’m sorry.
So please come back to me.
I swear I’ve changed.
Geto Suguru. Where are you now? How are you doing? Are you happier now? Are you safe? Come back to me already.
Falling asleep was never the same without you laying next to me. I know you’re there, I can sense you.
Do you see how I struggle without you?
Do you see how I cry a thousand tears?
Do you see me?
Do you hear my shaky breaths?
Do you hear my tossing and turning?
Do you hear me?
Geto Suguru, come out from beneath the window. Talk to me again. Let me hear your soft voice and your sweet laugh. Let me hear your praises and your criticisms. Let me hear you once more. For god’s sake let me touch you again.
One day, I swear, I will look out my window and see you there. One day, I swear, I will touch you once more.
It’s cold tonight. On nights like tonight, I would go to your room and beg for a sweater, a blanket, you or anything you would possibly give me. You always said yes.
You were always so kind to me Suguru. You were patient with me. You listened to me.
Knowing you’re always one step in front of me even now destroys me.
I wish I could go back in time and fix everything. I wish I could’ve recognized you were hurting sooner. I wish I could’ve made you trust me enough to talk to me. I wish I could’ve been there for you. But I wasn’t, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for everything, Suguru.
Tonight will be the night. Tonight I will open this window and I will look down and see you. I will see you and your sappy smile and hear you stupid words. I will invite you inside and I will hold you in my arms tonight. Even if it’s just for one night. Even if you only give me one night. I swear I will. I will bring you back to me, even if for just one night. One singular night.
When I inevitably open the window and look down, I see you.
You look up to me with sad eyes and a sad smile.
“Come inside.” I beckon.
“You’re well aware I cannot do that, Satoru.”
“Suguru.” I’m crying. I’m screaming. Won’t you hear me? “Please.”
You laugh and I realize how I’d ruin everything I’ve ever accomplished to have you back with me.
The world falls silent.
“Satoru.” You whisper but I feel like you’re speaking right into my brain.
“I’m not even here.”
The dark suited you well, but was the light not enough for you? Was I not enough for you?
Was I not enough for you to come talk to? Why wouldn’t you?
Were we not supposed to become the strongest together?
So then why are you facing me now with anger in your eyes and hatred in your voice?
“Then, why did you come here?” My voice is rough and I’m angry, but you’re finally here Suguru. You are finally standing in front of me, and you’re not just a figment of my imagination.
“To declare war.”
I wish my ears had stopped working at that moment.
“This December 24th, at sundown, the night parade of a hundred demons will commence!”
Stop talking.
“Let’s curse each other to our heart’s contents!”
And then you left again and I couldn’t do anything about it.
For the second time, you left and I was incapable of stopping you.
Tonight I sit by the window in hopes that I will sense you again. If the curse of the six eyes could work for one thing, could it work for this.
But why would you come now? The night before the so-called war.
Maybe I’m a fool for hoping. Because only fools can hope for the impossible.
“It’s possible for you, right? Satoru.”
Perhaps, I was a bit foolish. But this time, I was right.
“Suguru.” I call out to the air.
“Satoru.” It answers.
The windows are burst open and my hands are gripping its edge and there you are. This time I’m sure of it. The real you.
There you are, looking up at me. The real one, not the picture I painted in my mind. The one who grew twelve years, the one who’s hair was longer than ever, the one who smiled at me.
“Have you always known I was here?”
“Always.” I breathe.
You laugh into the silence and I wish nothing would’ve happened. For a moment, I wish jujutsu never existed and we could’ve been at peace for once. But of course, I would’ve never met you then.
“Why are you here?” I hear myself ask. You idiot. Ask him to come inside. Ask him to come back home.
“I’m not sure myself, Satoru.” Every time you say my name, my heart pounces. The heart will always be one with the mind, but you cannot say that the mind will always be one with the heart. The heart will always know more than the mind. “Am I not allowed to miss you?”
You’re met with silence and you laugh. “I am sorry, Satoru. For everything.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I would never.”
Lies.
“I should be the one apologizing to you, Suguru.”
“What for?”
“For failing to recognize what was happening sooner.”
“I see.” You take a deep breath before standing.
We are now face to face once more. Never in my life have I ever desired to feel your lips on mine more than I do now, Suguru. But, I could never tell you that outright, not anymore at least.
“I should be taking my leave then.” You whisper. You put your rough hands over mine and I feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. “I will always love you Satoru. Never forget that. Even tomorrow, when the war starts, don’t you dare forget it.”
The words that leave my mouth are hollow. “Shut up.” Barely audible, but you hear and you laugh anyway.
“Goodnight, Satoru.” Then you’re gone once more.
“Goodnight, Suguru.”
That’s what makes this moment all the more painful.
“Next time.” You declare. “Next time, she will be mine.” But we both know this is a lie.
That’s why you smile when you see me.
“You finally made it, Satoru.”
You ask about your family and I tell you. I ask about Kyoto and you tell me. You ask me about Inumaki and Panda and I tell you. You give me Yuta’s ID and I ask and you tell me, but we’re both just delaying the inevitable.
I ask one final question. “Any final words?” They’re sour in my mouth, I wish I could take them back.
“No matter what, I’ll always hate those monkeys.” You lie to me. I know there was never a bone within you that could ever hate. Highly dislike, sure, but never hate. “It’s not like I hate everyone at jujutsu high. It’s just that in this world…”
You turn to me now. “I couldn’t truly be happy from the bottom of my heart.”
Did his words last night and the nights previous to those mean nothing to him now? Was I truly the only one who has never felt joy like I did 12 years ago?
“Suguru.” I stand now, at his level on the floor. “We’ll meet again.”
I’ve never been more sure of something than I am now. In any universe, we were destined, to be what exactly, I’m unsure about. I am sure, however, that souls don’t meet for an unknown reason.
You laugh at me now. “At least curse me a little in the end.”
Killing him was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
“Yo! Satoru!”
Impossible. There is no way. He cannot possibly be. I killed him. I killed him. With my own two hands I murdered the only person who has ever truly loved me. So why? Why is he standing before me?
I rely on the one thing I have left. He’s real.
My eyes destine me to my current fate.
Seeing him again brings the last thirteen years of my life back to me. Then I'm chained.
“Who are you?” It’s the only choice I have left.
“Suguru Geto, of course.” It laughs. “Did you forget, how sa-”
“Bullshit!” I scream. I am nothing but rage at this moment. “My six eyes tell me you are Suguru Geto, but my soul knows otherwise.”
When I said the heart knew more than the mind, that was correct. However, I did not mean that the heart knew all. I did not mention the soul, and what it can do to a person.
In one motion, it swipes at its scalp and removes it, twirling what used to be a part of you. “How’d you know?” It asks me, failing to imitate your beautiful smile.
What stares down at me is a brain. Its cursed technique allows it to move from one body to the other by swapping brains. It can adapt the person’s cursed technique as well as still holding all precedent knowledge he’s received from other bodies. It’s utterly disgusting.
“You didn’t have Shoko Ieiri personally dispose of Suguru Geto’s body, did you?”
How could I? How could I do that to not only her, but to myself. I gave him the burial he deserved. I gave him what he should’ve had all along, a normal life. Well, a normal death. But it ruined this. I swear, when I escape from this I will take my revenge. Not only for myself but for Suguru.
“How are you going to let yourself be used like that, Suguru.”
It’s hand starts to twitch, like something has awakened within it. Or someone.
It’s hand reaches its throat, as I so wish I could right now.
It struggles against the soul that is Suguru Geto.
“Goodnight, Satoru Gojo.” It speaks to me. “Let us meet again in the next world.”
I would rather die.
The last thing I see before I am enclosed is the face of who used to be my lover, my best friend, my one and only.
I’m sorry, Suguru. That you have to suffer because of me, even in death.
I just wish I could’ve had one last night with you.
One singular night.