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"He's not coming." Simon said out loud to himself, looking at the cake in his lap. A blanket was placed over his legs, for two reasons - so he wouldn't get too cold in the winter, and because he didn't want to be reminded of how much he hates his now-deformed legs. It took too long for him to not want to die at the sight of them, so David had proposed an idea - both effective for the temperatures and for Simon's sanity.
However, on the topic of David, Simon was still waiting for him. At 8 PM. On a Saturday. His only and best friend wouldn't even come for his birthday - a shameful existence he was, Simon thought to himself. How horrible did a person have to be to deserve loneliness on their birthday? Clearly, he was that person.
He struggled to manoeuvre his wheelchair by the bed so if things really didn't go as planned and he would just sit in loneliness, then maybe he could lie down and forget that he is alive. That he is turning 22 today. That he is alone. He has been alone this entire day. So why did he think he was special enough to have someone like David as his only friend? Clearly, Simon had thought too highly of himself to believe he deserved respect and humanity.
He continued gripping onto the box with the cake, chocolate, with caramel frosting on top - he had ordered it like that not because he particularly liked it, but because he knew David adored caramel. So he had wanted to surprise him. What a shame, and more so, what a waste.
"But it's my birthday..." He mumbled to himself, almost as if he was delirious, as if he had actually forgotten what day of the year it was. What a shame that he was born, what a shame that he existed. Time was passing slower than usual, and it was only 8PM and 3 minutes had passed since he had last thought of David. Holy fuck, he really was worthless? Why shouldn't he just eat the cake by himself? His thoughts were growing louder, more impatient, as his eyes closed for a millisecond. In that millisecond, he dropped the box with the cake still inside to the floor, hearing a loud thud as some of the cake splattered and it hit the blanket over his legs.
"I knew it." A quiet mumble, followed up by the sound of clothes ruffling. Simon brought his sleeve to his nose and eyes, wiping away the snot and- Wait. He was crying? Why was he getting so upset? It was only natural for a worthless piece of trash like him to be left alone, even on the day where he should be happy and celebrated. But why would anyone celebrate a person like him? Why would anyone even bother reaching out to him to wish him a happy birthday? Not even Sophie had messaged him. Her phone had broken or whatever. Simon thought it was just a lie that she had made up. Well, he knew it was a lie. Why would she wanna bother with him?
"Why... Why am I so sad? I already waited so long, and..." He cried, mumbling into the orange sleeve of his hoodie. The fabric felt warm as the tears trickled through it, staining it a slightly darker shade than it was. His head hurt, his stomach hurt, everything was painful. He felt like he should kill himself right there and then, but what would be the reason? "I got sad that you didn't come to celebrate my birthday with me, so I shot myself"? He imagined what sort of demented headline the news would have as soon as they learn that the psych ward has lost yet another one of its lunatics throughout the years. Obviously, he was gonna be a small portion of the newspaper, probably 2 rows, tucked away in the corner of a page like 43 or 57. Why would anyone wanna read about him anyway?
His scalp felt cold and he pulled the hood on his hoodie over his head, trying to find any sort of comfort with the feeling of his clothes. Even those familiar fabrics didn't bring him solace anymore, they made it worse, because he thought of David's hoodie, which he once forgot to return on the exact day he promised to, and he remembered how much he cried that day. He recalled it so vividly, almost like he was reliving it in the current moment, but sadly, he couldn't go back to that day and just commit suicide then. Ah, how much time and effort he would have saved if he was only brave enough that day.
"I knew I meant nothing to him..." Mumbling to himself, Simon felt drowsiness overcoming him, but he decided he wouldn't sleep just yet.
So, for the next two hours, all the way until 10 PM and 14 minutes, he was reading through a book he had found lying around on the shelves, perhaps an old gift that he didn't remember who had given it to him. Why would he remember, if no one bothered to remember him?
"Maybe- Maybe he's just busy, and I'm overreacting..." Obviously, this was a lie that he was making up to forget the situation he was faced with - being forgotten and tossed aside on his own birthday. A sick joke, this had to be. But was it one? No, since he strongly believed that he deserved this type of treatment.
A notification rang out from his phone. He had recently changed to one of those new types of phones - touchscreen, unlike his very favorite Sony Ericsson. Upon looking at the screen, he noticed that... It was a notification from David. Not the type of notification he had longed for, though, no, not at all.
'Username DavidLeatherhoff45 has uploaded a photo. Take a look!' He stared at the screen with shame and disgust for himself, for believing that he should feel important, especially today. Opening up the photo, he threw the phone onto the nightstand and didn't bother looking at it again. David, at a party. Probably high. Probably drunk. Probably got laid, too. Caption? The worst part. 'Had a party with all of my friends, it was really nice!'
All?
Oh.
Simon's eyes started watering as he rushed to wipe them, realizing that his throat was once again gonna get sore, his eyes were once again gonna turn red like roses, his nose was yet again going to be stuffy for a day or two. Why did he feel so important? Why did he believe that he was a human, worthy of friendships? He should have never thought so. He wanted to cut, oh so badly, he wanted to feel that sting, that sharp reminder that he was nothing more than a vile creature, worthy of suffering, but he felt too tired to move his wheelchair to the bathroom. The cake still lied on the floor, the box dripping with frosting, uncleaned. He couldn't move without the wheelchair, he couldn't even be able to clean a fucking mess. How filthy was he?
An hour passed. Simon hadn't moved from his place. Right next to the bed, the book now thrown onto the sheets. He had done nothing but cry in the time that had passed, occasionally wiping his tears either by pulling the blanket from his legs upwards towards his face, or by using his already ruined hoodie. For fucks sake, how disgusting he looked, he couldn't even believe it himself. There wasn't any news from David whether or not he would even bother to come, Sophie hadn't contacted him yet (even though he knew she wouldn't make an effort anymore). Even doctor Purnell hadn't sent him anything but a reminder for a visit to the psychiatry office next Friday. He needed to find a blade somewhere in the living room, otherwise he would lose it. He knew it. He knew he would reach for the gun soon enough-
"Simon! Hey, sorry for being so late, but-" David's entrance was not only unexpected, but fucking disgusting to Simon. How dare he barge in without even bothering to call him, without even trying to make an effort to celebrate his birthday? It was Saturday! He wasn't at work, he had all day, yet all day he spent fucking outside, away from Simon, probably having sex with prostitutes or taking drugs since Simon couldn't have sex with him normally and since too many drugs made him feel too bad about himself, worse than normal. Silence wrecked the room while Simon continued to sob violently, staring at David with such an expression that David would never forget. His eyes seemed so broken, almost like he had been shattered inside out.
"Simon?" David looked at him, dropping the bag he had been carrying to the floor and rushing over to him.
"What's wrong? Simon? Look at me, please, Simon..." His tone sounded so serene yet so distant, so unknown to Simon, it made him cry even louder. He refused to look at him, instead staring at the disgusting mess he had made of the blanket that somehow was still over his legs. The cake still stood in the middle of the room, ruined beyond repair and beyond being edible.
"What happened? Hey, Simon, come on... Tell me?" Why would he want to know what had happened? He was the reason for all of this, yet-
David made an effort to touch Simon's shoulders, trying to prompt him to talk instead of just sobbing like a crybaby, but all he was met with was a slap across the hand with Simon pushing him away.
"Why are you even here?!" A loud scream was all that Simon managed to say, to his surprise. He didn't know if he would be able to even pronounce words anymore, but clearly, he could.
"Huh?" Why was he confused? Simon stared at him, rage piling up inside of him, ready to break out at any moment. The trigger that made him lash out this time was David's confusion and his bewildered expression. What the hell was he so shocked for?
"Go back to the party with your friends! All of them, huh?! What about me, you fucker? Am I not someone you consider a friend?! What is wrong with you?!" Eyes widening, David crouched down next to Simon, holding onto the side of his wheelchair and shoving his head next to the blanket as a form of closure.
"I'm sorry. They forced me to go, I wanted to come back to you, but-" A shitty excuse, Simon guessed. Him? Being forced to do something he doesn't want? Sick joke. Sick fucking joke.
"But what! You could have refused? You're a grown man, David!" David knew he was right, but he tried to keep the lie going. He didn't want to let his incompetence show, especially not now, not today.
"They forced me to, what don't you understand?!" Same repetitive bullshit, Simon glared at him, screaming as tears continued to drip down his face like a river.
"And it's my birthday! Is that stupid party with your whores more important than my birthday?!" A final yell managed to shut David up, leaving Simon coughing for air as his vocal chords hurt from so much screaming.
Icebreaker. David just stared at him in horror, finally realizing the gravity of why Simon was like this, why his eyes were so red when he had walked in, why the book was thrown randomly on the bed, why the cake was smashed on the floor. He got up slightly, only to hug Simon's head in his chest forcefully, not caring about how dirty Simon's sweater was, not caring that his own shirt would end up stained, he could care less.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I was really high, and, and I didn't realize how late it was getting- I'm so sorry..." Bullshit, Simon thought, this was just another lie, wasn't it?
"Get the fuck away from me!" Screaming and trying to resist was futile, since David was hugging him with strength that Simon couldn't go against.
"Shh, just listen, Simon, it's okay..." Soothing motions, fingers running through Simon's hair managed to make him feel slightly better, but he still felt sick to his stomach for what he was about to hear.
"I went out early in the morning to get you a present. I didn't know if you would like the typical birthday gifts, so I called Sophie up so she could help me with picking something for you. Then, she called doctor Purnell to ask him if you had written about any particular interest of yours in your book..." No, this couldn't be real. Right? No, wait, this really must just be a huge joke.
Simon felt a breath hitching in his throat as sobs continued to wreck him, not even David's hands running through his hair were helping anymore.
"So, after that, my friends had invited me to go out drinking. It turned out to just be them trying to get me high, but trust me, I'm dropping them from now on, especially after today. By the time me and Sophie had chosen your gift, it was already 2PM. We went out to lunch to discuss how we can present it to you, but Sophie felt nauseous after lunch and went home. It was then 4PM30. I was going back to you at 5PM, but then the friends took me to their little "high party" and by the time it was over and I felt comfortable to come here, it was already 11PM. They took a photo of me while I was out of it and uploaded it... I'm sorry, Simon, I'm so sorry..." David felt his own eyes produce a few tears as he ended his words. He felt horrible, having made Simon experience something so horrid on his very own birthday. Loneliness was Simon's biggest enemy, and this definitely triggered him a lot.
"R-really?" Stuttering, Simon looked up at David in the hug, and seeing him nod, he broke down into tears again.
"I'm so sorry, David!" He crumbled into David's embrace and he knew he would get his shirt even more dirty, but he was too tired and too lost to care anymore.
"Shh, my dove, it's okay... Let me clean you up..." David pulled away and gave Simon a gentle squeeze on the hand, before walking over to the kitchen to retrieve some paper from the kitchen roll, carefully using it to clean Simon's blanket and his sweater, making sure he wasn't crossing a boundary with how he rolled Simon's sleeves up to check if he had cut himself. Thankfully, he hadn't.
"I'm sorry..." An apology was necessary now, Simon thought. This mess he had created was just because his thoughts got to him.
"Don't be... Hey, I'll order a new cake for you, okay? Don't worry." Why would he? It was already 12AM. It made no sense anymore.
"You shouldn't...!" Not only would it be a waste to spend more money on a cake, but it would be a bigger waste since it would be for himself, Simon thought.
"I will, though. I want you to have a good birthday, even if I ruined it, okay?" Reassuring words helped calm him down quite a lot, especially seeing David pulling away to clean up the cake from the floor.
David managed to scrape off most of the cake and shove it back in the box with no problem, using some wet wipes to clean the remaining frosting from the floor. Simon watched him throughout the whole process, quietly mumbling to himself how bad he feels for causing all of this.
"I can hear you, Simon. Please don't say those things." David, shooting him a quick glance and a barely noticeable smile, made Simon more conscious that they were both, in fact, here to celebrate his birthday.
After David was done cleaning up the room, he threw the box with the cake in the trash to the best of how it fit inside, and went back to Simon.
"I got a gift for you... Do you wanna see it, Simon?" A genuine smile graced his lips this time, and Simon smiled with his eyes closed, nodding his head and waiting for David to show him. He waited for David to walk over to where he had dropped the bag approximately 30 minutes ago, only to wait for him to walk back over next to the bed so they could sit face to face.
"Purnell said you love cats, and Sophie backed that up, so... I got you this..." Simon took the bag from David's hand and took whatever was inside, out of it. It was an orange sweater, very similar to the one that he was wearing, except it had a small writing on the front towards the bottom left "to my one and only dove". Upon further inspection, the sweater also had a hood with cat ears. Simon stared at David in utter shock, reading the text over and over.
"It was hand-sewn. And, it took a while to do. I hope you like it, Simon..." For the millionth time tonight, Simon's eyes pooled up with tears and they dripped down his cheeks. Catching onto that, David hugged him and kissed him on his forehead.
"Thank you... I'm so happy..." He pulled away from the hug to give David a quick peck on the lips, smiling at him afterwards and returning the hug once more.
"I'm glad, Simon..."