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The rustling of sheets from being kicked around was present within the otherwise quiet and dimly lit room. The only source of light being the glow in the dark stars and the faint nightlight lamp on the desk fitted into the corner of the small studio bedroom. The room was otherwise barren besides the desk, dressed, and a small shelf which housed different trinkets and a few picture frames. A faint groan rippled through the silence of the room along with the sounds of sheets being kicked about more. The source of the noise happened to be of a star-student, said student in question being Muichirou Tokito.
The short statured young adult got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom, stumbling from still being groggy and disoriented from the restless sleep he had gotten. He didn’t even want to look at himself in the mirror, knowing what already awaited him. He stood slouched over the sink, grabbing the cup beside it and turning the faucet on. Maybe if he had a glass of water, he would sleep better. Surely it would work right?
Muichirou, however, did not count for the fact that as slow as time moved for him, it moved normally for everything else around him. This, the cup overfilled and spilled onto his hand. He muttered out a curse, turning the faucet off and pouring some of the filled cup out, not wanting to make a mess on the floor. He then brought the cup to his mouth and drank it generously, despite how much he hated the taste of just plain water. People had always argued with him that it didn’t have a taste really, but it did, and it wasn’t good.
He finished the uo and placed it to the side, but in the process of doing so, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Once his eyes locked with himself, he couldn’t look away, it was almost like he felt himself being targeted, like he would be killed on sight if he stared for too long. Yet here he was, taking in his ghastly and unpleasant figure.
To others, he looked fine, and rather handsome some classmates he overheard whispering to each other. Yet, to himself, he felt like he was living a lie, he was a fraud in his own skin and flesh. The eye bags and rare acne didn’t bother him at all, but the rest of him did. He was uncomfortable living in this flesh suit in the shape he grew to know as “Muichirou”.
He wish he didn’t have mirrors in his dorm, just to avoid situations like this. He felt like he wanted to curl up like a hedgehog and never see the light of day, just peacefully curled up in his own comfortable lie. He didn’t like how this piece of meat he would call himself was formed, yet he had to live with it.
He felt a few tears form in his eyes from overthinking everything at such a late hour, nights really did bring out the wrist in people. He whines his eyes, a small sniffle leaving him as he turns away from the mirror, taking a few small breaths. He needed to calm down, really, he shouldn’t get himself all worked up like this at night, it was bad for his sleep schedule.
As he got to the door and opened it, a figure blocked his way from getting out. Said figure would be his roommate and partner, Genya Shinazugawa. He was positioned in such a way to where it looked like he was stopped mid-knock, almost cartoon-like. The shorter adult slightly smiled at the way the other was standing there, frozen almost.
“What are you doing up this late?” He questioned the mohawked male. Of course, Genya being Genya, sputtered, words struggling to come out. “Well- uhm… you see-” he spoke, cutting himself off almost every time, all his previous knowledge of forming a sentence was thrown out the window like he was back in his toddler years. Yet, he sucked in a deep breath, collecting himself, and exhaled harshly, facing the shorter male more confidently now. “You’re up late and couldn’t sleep, I heard you fussing about while I was finishing up my report, and I was worried. Then I came to check on you, hearing you sniffle in the bathroom.”
Muichirou’s smile slowly faded from his face. Genya shouldn’t worry about him, he has more important matters to get to like his report, why would he check up on him instead? “I’m fine, really, just having some trouble sleeping but I’m sure I’ll be ok now,” the smaller spoke, squeezing past his partner and walking back to his bed. Though, he was stopped in his trans and gently hugged by the waist, a head leaning down and resting on his shoulder.
“Misty… tell me what's wrong,” the scarred male spoke softly and gently. Muichirou felt his knees grow weak from the time of voice used, slow and sweet like honey, laced with genuine concern and care. He hummed and leaned into the warm mass that was his partner, reading a hand back and patting his back. “I’m fine… really,” the shorter spoke again, turning his head and giving a quick peck to the other’s cheek.
He gently pulled away from the embrace, not wanting to distract him any further from his work, and climbed into bed. Muichirou got comfortable back in his spot, pulling the blanket over himself. Until Genya left to do the rest of his work, he would pretend to be asleep to not bother him any longer. Though, his plan was already foiled when he felt a dip in the bed beside him, the frame letting out a quiet creak as the other fully rested on it.
The younger male turned to look at the source, which was most definitely the same guy who was talking to him so sweetly just a second ago. He sighed, flipping over to face those dark violet eyes that looked like they could piece anything if they stared hard enough. Though, the eyes he peered into were much softer than they normally were, this look of Genya’s not being seen by too many people outside of family, and Muichirou was one of the honored few.
“Misty… please?” That damned nickname, that damned tone of voice, it all sounded so inviting and loving. Why did he have to do this to him? Why did he have to be so damn caring and worried about him?
Muichirou decided to indulge, snuggling closer to the other male and hugging him tightly, face nuzzled on his collar above his chest. The comforting feeling of being around someone you trust and love was overwhelming, yet it was a nice sense of being overwhelmed. He breathed in through his nose, exhaling slowly out his mouth, maybe it was ok to keep Genya from his work for just a few moments.
“I don’t like my body image right now,” He blurted out, refusing to look his partner in the eyes. “I don’t like that I can’t be what I so badly am, everything feels contorted and wrong.” He continued down his path of struggling dysphoria, voicing out whatever his body and mind told him to. Of course, Genya has helped him through times like this before, listening and comforting him, offering to take days off of class just to be by Muichirou’s side whenever he wasn’t feeling 100% about himself. Though, nothing couldn’t prepare Genya for what was said next by his beloved.
“I feel like I lied to you, I wasn’t what you wanted and you didn’t know that.” Muichirou let that part slip past, too far deep into his own thoughts that he said that one out loud. He got lost in his thoughts often like this when he overthought, yet this case was one he thought he learned to manage. He felt like he fucked up.
Though, instead of being greeted with a sneer or a laugh, he felt those warm and inviting arms wrap around him, holding him closely like if either of them would let go, they’d be lost from each other.
“Why would you think I’d think about you like that?” The voice rumbled from the larger male, voice sounding softer than Muichirou had ever heard before. Maybe that was a lie, maybe he had heard it before but he forgot, but it was new to him now, and it’s just what he needed.
“Because I- My…-” Muichirou was cut off by a gentle shush and a light kiss to his head. “I know what you’re gonna say, and it’s not that at all, Mui,” Genya spoke again comfortingly. “I don’t care what you’re physically like, I don’t love you because of your body,” he started off, petting the smaller male’s head, “I love you for you, your personality, all your little habits, your mistakes, the way you give people attitude when they disturb your classwork.” The scarred man took a second to collect himself and take a breath.
“I love you just the way you are, no matter what packaging or stickers you have on you.”
That was it. That’s all it took for Muichirou to start quietly crying into his partner’s chest. “And when you have bad days like these, we can work through them together, ok? I’m here for you, every stop on the way,” Genya finished, planting another kiss on his small partner’s head. He slightly curled defensively around Muichirou, wanting him to be safe and protected from whatever outside sources attacked him. He would be there for him.
Muichirou sniffled, trying to quickly get the whole crying ordeal over with. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, wiping away his tears with his hands, slightly giggling at the whole ordeal. Even if it wasn’t funny, he found it helpful to laugh, it made him feel at least a little better.
“Really, your looks are just a plus…” Genya stated, and Muichirou didn’t even have to look up at the larger male to know he was red in the face, because he himself is red in the face. “Seriously, I couldn’t ask for a better partner,” Genya ended with, putting some space between him and his beloved to get a better look at his face. Muichirou stared back, a small smile plastered on his face as he could make out the faint details of his partner in front of him. The way the faint light hit him made him look somewhat like a waxing moon, barely any of the highlights taking part of his larger appearance.
Muichirou was completely enamored with his partner, every part of him was perfect, like they were made for each other. The shorter male decided to flip over, facing away from him but snuggling back up into him, back against Genya’s chest. The taller took that as a sign that he helped greatly with the situation at hand, and now it was time to sleep. He snaked an arm around his partner’s lower abdomen, holding him close as they nuzzled together.
“Hey Gen?” The quiet voice spoke, though no movement was made. “Yeah, Misty?”
A quick moment of hesitation.
“You said you’d love me despite what I physically was like,” The smaller started off, though yawned, interrupting what he was gonna say.
“So like, would you still love me if I was a worm?”
Genya giggled at the question, finding it silly, and the latter sleepily giggled as well.
“Yes, Mui, I would love you even if you were a worm. I’d get you a little worm house and everything, making you the most badass invertebrate on the block.”