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'Shizun,' he says, his soft voice thinly veiling his aching desperation, 'Please, give me a way to serve you today. I've done everything you asked of me with the utmost competency, so I will not disappoint you. Really, any task at all would be pleasing.'
And he means it. I could tell, just by the yearning in those crimson eyes- and the messy, unruliness of that long, dark hair. His expression is, generally, never so fragile- and his appearance, generally, never so disheveled.
'Please.'
'Serve me?' I say incredulously. "Binghe, look at you.' I point out. 'You look so ragged in this state, how could this master of yours let his disciple serve him when he's clearly exhausted?'
His gaze flickers up to me, and he appears taken aback by the concern in my voice. If one could only see the raw desperation in his crimson eyes... the desire to be close to me that he couldn't help but to express with his every word. 'I'm fine, Shizun.'
He knows I'm not going to actually let him do anything for me. At the same time, he couldn't have cared less how awful his appearance is if I'd only let him sit with me- so he'd said, and so he meant.
'Silly disciple." I say teasingly with a soft smile. I reach out with my hand and Luo Binghe stares at me quizzically.
My hand touches the top of his head.
'Come,' I gently push his head down to lay on my lap. 'Rest with this master, hm?'
His breath hitches as I order him, but his head comes willingly as he places it down upon my lap. His face turns away from me, only allowing me to just catch a glimpse of his blushing cheeks from the corner of my eye.
'Yes, Shizun.'
I let out a little giggle at Luo Binghe's lack of resistance towards my offer. The young man adorably humphs at my reaction.
After both of us are settled in a comfortable position, I take out a dainty little comb from my robes and run it through his hair. Because of his curly hair, and the added factor that he didn't properly manage his hair recently, there are a few messy knots here and there, so I make sure to tenderly untangle them before continuing to comb through his hair.
Luo Binghe is so terribly still under my touch- so, so still that he's practically melting into my lap. His arms fall limp by his sides; his head turns only once more as I comb through those lovely loose curls of his.
'Shizun,' Luo Binghe manages out, his voice quiet and subdued, 'What are... you doing?'
He tries to lift his head from my lap, only to collapse back against my thighs once more. He doesn't seem sure how to react to the tenderness of my actions, but he looks quite fond of it.
'Nothing much.' I casually reply to his question. 'Just thinking about something. Would Binghe like to hear about it?'
There's this quiet, pensive pause that fills the air. '... I would.' He says, his tone just as uncertain as the look in his eyes.
'What are Shizun's thoughts, exactly?'
My mind drifts back to the past, a past so long ago, of a life in a different world. When I was still Shen Yuan, a young man who was really obsessed with a particular novel and arguing with netizens online. A faint memory of a song suddenly plays in my mind. I still remember the first time I heard that song when I put my music playlist on random shuffle.
'...This master has thought of a song that he heard once long ago.'
'Oh? What's the name of the song, Shizun?' His face is buried in my lap, while I'm still running my fingers through those curls. Luo Binghe is always so awfully curious- always. 'I have a feeling I'll like it already, just by how fondly you seem to recall it.'
Wait. What was that song again?
My hands suddenly stop moving, and my eyebrows arches in frustration as I try to recall the title of the song.
'Shizun, is everything alright?' Luo Binghe tilts his head upwards to look at me, his crimson eyes brimming with concern for my current state. He seems to think it would be rather rude to not check in on me.
No matter how hard I try to think of the song's title, I really can't. But the melody plays in my mind once more, like the familiar greeting of an old friend after years of separation.
'𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵
𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩
𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦
𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯g 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦.'
'Huh?' Luo Binghe curiously blinks at me. 'Shizun, what are you saying?'
'...This is a part of the song.' I say quietly. 'A part..' Luo Binghe hums out as he tilts his head up at me, his eyes brimming with confusion. His expression was tinged with disbelief as he realises this is a song, and not me speaking in tongues.
'Shizun..... What song is this?' Binghe is genuinely curious. There is a hint of excitement hidden under his confused gaze- he is always one to love hearing new things, new songs especially.
'What's the rest of the lyrics?'
I grin at him. 'This master would gladly sing the rest of the song to Binghe; but only on one condition first.'
Luo Binghe's eyes practically shine like stars.
'Anything for shizun!' The young man exclaims.
I chuckle with amusement. 'Binghe, what do you think that first verse means?'
His eyes widened, and he thought about it as I asked. He is so terribly quick to say anything I'd demand, that perhaps he didn't put nearly as much thought into it as he should have. But his expression changes as my question lingers, and the light behind his eyes fades. '...Is it about falling in love?' Binghe proposes, '... I think it's about falling in love.'
There is an air of quiet resignation about Luo Binghe's words. Even if he is right about the meaning of the verse, he probably feels it may have not been the best conclusion.
I flash him with an enigmatic smile. 'Who knows? Anyway, Binghe can lay down and need not worry about anything. He has done his part after all.'
Immediately, the gears in my brain start to shift, and I am racking my brains hard trying to translate the lyrics of the song from English into Chinese. Thankfully, the System shows up out of the blue and displays a screen of the lyrics that I want.
I clear my throat and take a deep breath.
'𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥
𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶?
𝘚𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘐 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰
𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶?
Be𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘮𝘺, 𝘮𝘺, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘔𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩
𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩
𝘚𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯
𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳?
Be𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘮𝘺, 𝘮𝘺, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦
𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦.'
During the whole time I sang, Luo Binghe was looking at me with an unexplainable expression on his face.
'Shizun...,' his voice comes out like a soft murmur; the moment he hears the words to the song, he knows what it means.
'Shizun, the verse means... that the singer thinks they'd be nothing without their lover.'
'So that's what Binghe thinks.' I concluded.
His gaze is full of quiet wonder as his hair is now being brushed with my fingers. The touch must've probably been much nicer and much more satisfying than a plain ol' comb because I could feel him leaning into my touch.
'Yes,' Luo Binghe replies softly, 'Shizun.'
The affection in his voice leaves no doubt of the meaning behind the soft word, for my sake. I know he really wants me to understand, to know just how much my simple actions meant to him- and he couldn't help but to show it. 'Shizun... I love you.' He blurts out, almost as though it was a confession.
Oh, what could I not do with such a lovely man? Luo Binghe is going to be the death of me!
'Binghe is right. This song is about love after all. Hmm...Even so, its meaning differs from person to person.'
'Ah, really?' The young man's eyes widens.
'I guess shizun is right…' Luo Binghe pauses as he considers his thoughts, 'Everyone can interpret songs in a variety of ways. The way someone listens to it isn't necessarily the way the singer sings it, and the words may have different meanings to others than what one thinks they do.'
'But to me, well.... they made sense, when I heard the song.' He says softly. 'Shizun, if you're alright with it- could you maybe, perhaps, possibly maybe..... keep brushing my hair?'
I laugh out loud at his shy request. 'Sure, sure, anything for Binghe.' Then my hand goes back to its usual routine earlier, going through his hair again.
'But isn't Binghe curious to know what this master thinks of the song?'
Luo Binghe's eyes are filled with a sense of eager appreciation as he replies, 'Yes, I am curious, Shizun.'
'... What did you think of the song?'
My mind goes back to my previous life as Shen Yuan again. When my daily routine consisted of waking up at 10am, cleaning myself in the washroom that never took me more than 5 minutes, always putting on a second-hand shirt from my brother and a pair of shorts only, going to the kitchen and eating breakfast all alone when everybody else was at work or school, and doing nothing but playing games and reading webnovels all day long in my small bedroom. I may have left that world a long time ago, but I still remember that awful stench in my room: A nauseating combination of mold, spoiled food, and the dreadful smell emanating from a pile of unwashed, dirty clothes somewhere in my room. For sure no one wanted to have me, and I had no one to want to have too.
When I was playing a video game one day, I heard the song start to play in the background for the first time.
I didn't forget the melody and lyrics ever since then, even though I couldn't remember the title of the song.
'...There was once a time when this master truly had no one. It was when this master first heard the song. Therefore, when this master heard the song for the first time, he thought it was about the love of self.'
'The love of.. self?'
I guess that isn't the reply Luo Binghe had been expecting.
'I... I see, it makes perfect sense with the way shizun told me about when he heard the song for the first time.'
Luo Binghe said a little quietly, 'Shizun, I have a question.'
Luo Binghe pauses for a moment, but after a moment of consideration, he continues. 'Shizun... do you love me?'
I smile and continue to play with his hair. 'Binghe. Yes. Yes, I really, really, really love you. When I learn about you the way you are now, I think...the meaning of the song has changed, at least to me.'
There is a small silence, and I suddenly find Luo Binghe very close to me.
Very close.
His lips hovers over mine like a hummingbird might, his expression one of longing and joy. He closes his eyes, his expression transforming into the very image of a man waiting for a kiss.
He's waiting for it, and he desperately wants my response. I couldn't stop the smile that begins to form on my face. 'Binghe finally knows what the song means to me now, right?'
'To love is the best thing I ever did in my life, better than any poem I’ve ever written, better than any achievement by far. To love is truly the best and most beautiful thing I ever did.'
I didn't even realise that I wasn't using the proper honorifics anymore.
'Many, many, many years ago, I forgot how to love. Then with that song, I briefly found myself again. Now I want to share this song with you, as I've found a new meaning for it: Because of you, Binghe, is why I think of this song now.'
I hope my words and my answer finally put the final pieces into place, and Luo Binghe seems like he understands.
He gets it now, he truly could see how deeply this song means to me. It isn't merely some simple love song I'd heard, it is something so much more. A piece of my past, a piece of my very soul, even. It's the way I perceive and understand him.
He'd only had to ask.
His eyes opens to see me. I close in the distance between the both of us and press a chaste kiss on his lips, light and fleeting. For a couple of seconds after, Luo Binghe simply lets me kiss him, a gentle flush on his face as he slowly realises what just happened.
Then all of a sudden, he pulls away, a soft chuckle leaving his throat as he looks away.
'Sorry,' he says, blushing even more, 'I- I wasn't expecting…'
In spite of everything, he appears a little embarrassed to have been so forward.
'... Shizun, I'm really happy that we met. I don't want you to feel the way you once felt.'
I put both of my arms around Luo Binghe's shoulders and pull us closer together until our noses meet. 'Yes. This master wishes for a great future ahead of us. May the thorns of the past…remain in the past.'
I affectionately boop his nose with my finger. 'This applies to you too, Binghe.' I sigh.
His eyes light up at my touch, and as I boop his nose he smiles. Even though it's clear that Binghe isn't fully over his own trauma, he still tries his best for me. And that's what matters most.
I see a faint glow appear in Binghe's gaze as he answers me- his words being much softer than usual. 'I... don't intend on letting you go.' he says very quietly, '𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳.'
'Oh?' I smirk. 'Really?'
Luo Binghe then proceeds to give me a shit-eating grin. 'Shizun can tr--Ah! Haha!'
He shrieks in laughter and reels backwards away from me when I try to poke his belly. In return, he tries to trap me by putting his arms around me as a counterattack.
We play around like that until noon, in an open grassy field in the middle of nowhere. Luo Binghe's curly locks only become wilder and messier the more he runs around, and the royal, luxurious robes he is wearing gradually stains with dirt.
Despite that, for some reason, I think he has never looked better than this. When he isn't looking, I admire the way the sunlight kisses his skin, how the wind makes his hair flutter, framing his face beautifully, and that the red of his eyes are not unnerving like blood, but rather syrupy sweet like the colour of strawberry tanghulu sold by vendors on the city streets.
Since my previous life as Shen Yuan, and now my current life as Shen Qingqiu: With every passing moment when I feel like I have missed my chance to make something of my life; every rejection, every disappointment, has led me here to this strange world, to Binghe.
In the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way, anything can happen. Incidents relating to world-ending scenarios, bloodthirsty demons, and deadly beasts are all common occurrences here. You'll never know when you die, whether it be in the next hundred years or even just a minute later, or if you can even die at all. Even so, everyone will still live their life as usual, to do good, and to carry out their duties day by day; no matter if they do the simplest job for a living like fishing or if they risk their lives daily to purge demons.
I've lived a lonely life once, even though I was surrounded by many people. Sometimes I still feel like that in this world too. But now I have something to look forward to now, even if it means doing a job and random side quests against my will initially, working in an environment with colleagues who are...very unique in their own way, and a clingy demon lord who is always by my side.
From now on, I won't let anything distract me from truthfully living and being alive.