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“Yoongi hyung, I swear by this guy. He’s a genius.”, Namjoon said. “And I’m not easily impressed by people, you know that.”
“Maybe not, but you can be a bit gullible, to be frank.” Yoongi said.
“How so?”
“You've been scammed twice these past few years. That is not much, but more than I have in my entire life.”
Namjoon sighed in exasperation. “I only get tricked when it comes to buying things. I get too eager to get my hands on stuff. But when it comes to trusting people, I've got a feel for it, believe me!”
“I can’t argue with that.”, Yoongi said. “Still, even if he were trustworthy, I just don’t think it would work for me.”
“How could you know that without having tried it out first?”, Namjoon countered.
“I have tried so many things already. I feel like you need to be a certain type of person to have these kinds of things work on you.”, Yoongi said.
“Just... trust me.”, Namjoon said, almost pleading. “I hate seeing you be like this. You’ve not been yourself for so long. I just want you to be… well… I don’t want to say ‘happy’, that sounds so… sappy. But I do want you to be happy again, hyung.”
Yoongi had been in a depressive episode that had lasted months and no end seemed to be in sight for him. Namjoon had experienced a similar thing a year ago. What had cured him was the wizard who lived near the edge of the forest.
Yes. A wizard.
Namjoon was aware how ridiculous this sounded, but the truth remained that it had worked for him. He desperately wanted Yoongi to give it a chance.
“Perhaps the depression has become a part of me and I'll have to learn to live with it for the rest of my life.”, Yoongi said morosely.
Namjoon looked grief-stricken at Yoongi’s words. “You can’t mean that. You’re too young to give up like this!”
Yoongi’s world might have been colored grey, but he wasn’t immune to his friend’s affliction. By refusing the treatment Namjoon swore by he was causing his friend distress and he didn’t like that. If there should be a person suffering, it should be him, not Namjoon.
“Alright.”, Yoongi said. Namjoon looked at him.
“You’ll go see him?”
“Yes, I’ll go see your ‘wizard’. Maybe he can conjure up some dragons while he’s at it.”
Namjoon ignored his quip and clasped his hands together, as if in silent prayer. “You won’t regret it!”
“I probably will, but at least it might make for a good story. Mental healthcare in this country is so bad that madmen are having to resort to seeing other madmen.”, Yoongi said, rolling his eyes.
Yoongi arrived at the house of the wizard, which was at the edge of town, where the forest began. To his mild amusement, the house was a simple log cabin. He didn’t know what he had expected. A large mushroom? A house dug into a hillside like in The Hobbit?
He knocked on the door. After a moment it opened and a man emerged. He looked remarkably… normal.
Yoongi berated himself for being surprised. What had he expected, a man in a pointy hat and long willowy beard?
This man looked like an average 30-year old. He was dressed in a business casual style. The only strange thing about him is that he lived in a log cabin at the edge of the forest. That was the strangest thing about him, on the surface at least. He could still prove to be weird after he had opened his mouth.
“Hello.”, the man greeted him. “What can I do for you?”
“Hi. My name is Yoongi. I've come here in search for a cure for depression. I was told you’d be able to assist me.”
“I can try.”, the man said. “Come in.”, he said stepping aside.
Inside it was quite small, but cozy. The wooden furniture was simple and the room was neat. They settled on opposite ends of a table in the middle of the room.
“My name is Jin.”, the man said.
“Jin the Wizard?”, Yoongi said.
Jin laughed. “That’s what they call me in town, it seems. I never called myself a wizard, for the record.”
Yoongi feigned disappointment. “I was hoping I’d get to see some dragons today.”
“I may not go around calling myself a wizard, but I am capable of magic.”, Jin said.
Yoongi furrowed his brow. This man really was a quack, after all...
“Like what? Card tricks?”, he said sarcastically.
“You’ve got a healthy sense of humor.”, Jin said, an amused smile on his face as he scrutinized Yoongi.
“Healthy sense of humor, but not a healthy brain.”, Yoongi said.
“I see. What’s the matter?”
“I don’t see the point in living. Every waking moment I fantasize about taking my own life. I feel ashamed of this feeling, but I can’t make it stop.”, Yoongi said honestly. He had recounted this story to countless mental health professionals already and he didn’t feel shy about it anymore.
“That sounds very difficult, Yoongi.", Jin sympathized. "What made you get out of bed this morning?”
Yoongi had encountered similar questions during therapy. He had answered them too many times.
“The prospect of meeting a wizard.”, he said. “Imagine my disappointment right now.”, he couldn’t help but add.
Jin smiled. “And what made you get out of bed yesterday?”
“I didn’t get out of bed yesterday.”
“And the day before that?”
“Didn’t get out of bed then either.”
Jin closed his eyes and seemed to be contemplating something. Yoongi watched him in silence.
He opened his eyes again and turned to Yoongi. “I know what’s causing your depression.”
Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You do?”
“Tell me, Yoongi. Do you live in a house or an apartment?”
“House.”
“Does your house have a kitchen?”
“Of course it does.”
“Do you keep utensils in the kitchen?”
“Yes?”, Yoongi's confusion deepened with every question.
“This is my advice to you. When you go home, open the drawer or cupboard or wherever you keep the utensils. You will find a spoon there. That spoon is causing your depression.”
Yoongi blinked at him owlishly. This had to be one big joke. It was Namjoon who had sent him to this nutjob. Yoongi felt betrayed. He seriously had to reconsider who he considered his best friend.
Since he was still here, he played along. “Which spoon? I own more than one spoon.”
“You’ll know which one. You’ll feel it when you look for it.”
“Okay, fine, let’s say this magical spoon is causing my depression. Say I find the spoon. What do I do with it?”
“You eat it with it.”, Jin said, matter-of-factly.
Yoongi glared at him. Jin stared back at him, his face containing no trace of humor.
“And that will cure my depression.”, Yoongi said ironically.
“I can’t promise that. All I can tell you is the spoon is causing your depression.”, Jin said.
Yoongi closed his eyes in exasperation. “I think this convinced me to actually take my life. Do you have some rope? There are plenty of trees in this forest I can hang myself from.”
Jin said nothing in response.
In the past all of this would have absolutely enraged Yoongi. He would have been livid. But rage was an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time. He didn’t feel much at all. He did feel a bit irritated, but it was nothing compared to the irritation he had once been capable of feeling. Without saying a word, he left the cabin. What nonsense was this?
Once he was at home he stared out the window for a while. The depression spoon wouldn’t leave his mind, but he didn’t want to give in and open his utensil drawer. He wasn’t even a little bit curious, he really wasn’t...
Eventually he gave into his curiosity and opened the drawer. He scooped up all the spoons and strew them over the countertop. He looked each one of them over. None of them appeared different to him.
Yoongi groaned in frustration. He couldn’t believe the wizard’s cure actually worked on people and of course it didn’t work on him. He was too smart for his own good. Why couldn’t he have been a little feeble-minded? Why wasn’t he born with a little whimsy in his soul? Curse his fate.
Disappointedly he shoved the spoons back into the drawer and went to bed in frustration.
“And? Tell me what happened.”, Namjoon said.
“I really hate you, did you know that?”, Yoongi said, but there was no venom in his voice.
Namjoon’s eyes widened. “It didn’t work?”
“Of course not. I am not a fucking idiot.”, Yoongi spat.
Namjoon curled into himself like a wounded animal.
“No offense.”, Yoongi added.
“What did he say to you?”, Namjoon asked.
“He said… get this.., that my depression was caused by a spoon.”
“A spoon. Interesting.”, Namjoon said, stroking his chin in contemplation.
“What had he told you back then?”, Yoongi asked. "That your depression was caused by a fork?”
“No?”, Namjoon said indignantly.
“Well, what was it then?”
Namjoon hesitated for a moment before speaking. “He... he said it was because I wore mismatching socks."
“Huh?”
“I wore mismatched socks the day I visited him. He asked me whether I misplaced my socks often. He then said it was the cause of my depression.”
“But your socks are mismatched today too. Are you depressed again?”
“He didn’t tell me to match my socks to fix it.”
“Then what did he tell you to do?”
“Nothing. He just told me the cause of my depression. He said it was up to me to do with that information what I wanted.”
“And what did you do?”
“I threw away half of my socks, so that only one sock from each pair remained.”
Yoongi was baffled. “And that cured your depression?”, he asked incredulously.
“Well. I don’t know if that was what did it, but I believe that was the day that marked my journey into recovery.”
“Are you working for him? Did he pay you to say this, or what?”
Namjoon laughed. “I know this is ridiculous, but it worked for me.” Abruptly, he stopped laughing. “I feel really sorry for you that it didn’t work. I really wish it had.”, he said ruefully.
“You know what? Me too.", Yoongi said. Namjoon looked at him imploringly. Yoongi continued, gradually raising his voice before ending his speech with a shout. "Because now I feel excluded from this weird connection the townspeople have with the wizard. And I still want to kill myself!”
Namjoon looked like he could cry. “You don’t mean that.”
Yoongi shook his head.
A few weeks later, Yoongi found himself at the wizard’s cabin once again.
“Hello.”, Jin said as he opened the door. “Yoongi, right?”
He nodded.
“You’re still here I see.”, Jin remarked.
Yoongi remembered how he had said he’d take his own life before he had left last time. He shrugged. “I guess I am.”
“What can I do for you?”, Jin asked.
“I am not sure exactly.”
“Well, I can’t really do anything for you, if you don’t know what it is you want.”, Jin said.
Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure what had compelled him to come here again. There was something about this whole situation that wouldn’t leave his mind.
As he contemplated his answer, someone came their way.
“Hello.”, the man said. “I’m Taehyung. I'm looking for a wizard. I was told there is one at the edge of town.”
“That would be me.”, Jin said. “What can I help you with?”
Taehyung eyed Yoongi briefly and then turned to Jin again. “I've been depressed. I've tried everything, but nothing has worked so far.”
Jin nodded. “Come in.”
Yoongi was about to turn around to go home. “You can come in too, if you want.”, Jin said.
“Won’t he mind that I’m there?”, Yoongi said, alluding to Taehyung. Jin shrugged. “If he does, you'll just have to leave.”
Taehyung and Jin sat at opposite ends of the table while Yoongi sat at the end of the table, a little removed from the two.
Jin asked Taehyung the same questions as he had asked him and Taehyung answered much the same as he had.
When the time had arrived for Jin to announce his verdict, Yoongi found himself on the edge of his seat.
“Are you a collector?”, Jin asked.
“I am. I collect coins.”, Taehyung answered.
“Where do you keep the coins you collect?”
“Under my mattress.”
Yoongi frowned. What a strange person. Jin didn’t remark on it. He closed his eyes for a moment in silent contemplation and then opened them again.
Yoongi expected Jin to say that one of the coins was causing the young man’s depression.
“The fact that you have coins under your mattress is causing your depression.”, he said.
Close enough.
“So I should remove them?”, Taehyung asked, his eyes big.
“If that’s what you want.”, Jin said simply.
Taehyung cast a confused look Yoongi's way. Yoongi just shook his head. He was no help here.
When the two men were outside the house and were about to part ways, Yoongi called out to Taehyung on a whim.
“I am curious whether what he said works for you.", he said. "I know I have no right to ask this and feel free to decline, but do you mind providing me with an update?”
Fortunately for Yoongi, Taehyung didn’t mind and they exchanged contact details.
A few weeks later he heard from Taehyung. “I am starting to feel hopeful about the future again.”, Taehyung said to him over the phone.
“Did you remove the coins from under your mattress?”, Yoongi asked.
“No. I’ve always kept them there and I don’t intend on changing that.”
“Then what changed?”
“I created a display for my most prized coins. Now I have coins under my mattress and coins displayed in my living room.”
“And that cured your depression?”, Yoongi asked just as incredulously as he had been with Namjoon.
“It’s too early to tell, but I feel like something has shifted. It's like a heavy weight got lifted from my shoulders. It's a little easier to breathe.”
“I don’t understand. But I'm happy to hear you’re doing better.”, Yoongi said sincerely.
When Yoongi disconnected from the call, he realized it wasn’t just a figure of speech. His heart did really feel a little lighter at the fact that Taehyung was seemingly on his way to being cured.
He suddenly felt a strange surge of gratitude for the existence of the ‘wizard’. It didn’t matter whether Yoongi believed in his methods or not, the fact remained that the man had cured both Taehyung and also his best friend Namjoon. That did amount to something.
He reflected on how strange the world truly was, something he didn’t often consider. All he thought about was how much he hated the world and who much he didn’t want to be part of it.
As unfathomable as Jin's cure had been, it had actually brought about a positive change in people. Was that not magic?
Yoongi felt a small smile form on his lips.
The next day he visited Jin again. The man didn’t seem surprised to see him.
“Yoongi. What can I do for you?”
“Teach me your ways.”, Yoongi said.
“Sure.”, Jin said, readily. Then he added. "Why?"
“I want to do what you do. I want to help people. If I can’t help myself, then I want to help others at least.”, Yoongi said.
“Alright. ", Jin said. "Here’s the trick. Poke around a little in these people’s lives. Keep it surface level. No discussion of childhood trauma or abandoned dreams or anything like that.”
Yoongi listened keenly.
“Then point out something tangible as the cause of their depression. Don’t think about it too much. Say the first thing that comes to your mind.”
Yoongi frowned. “That’s it? You’re not going to tell me you have a hidden talent for reading faces or are a keen observer of people? You don’t go by their appearance, their mannerisms or their speech when you come up with these things?”
“Maybe I do. I've been doing this for several years. But I couldn’t tell you what it is. I go by intuition.”
“Do you think I can do it too?”, Yoongi asked skeptically.
“Anyone on whom the cure doesn’t work can do it.", Jin stated.
Yoongi’s eyes widened. “How do you know?”
Jin smiled. “Because I was like you once.”
“You were depressed too?”
Jin nodded. “I sought out the sorceress who lived in a houseboat on the lake near my town. I heard she used to cure people. I was skeptical, but since I was at my wit's end, I tried it nonetheless. The cure didn’t work on me and as a result, I got frustrated. I kept hearing from people that the sorceress had cured them and I couldn't help but wonder why it didn’t work on me and lament the fact that it didn't. But I felt strangely touched by the fact that such a cure existed, despite the fact that it eluded me.”
Yoongi could relate to that. He had felt it too.
“I then decided that I wanted to be the one to spread the cure, even if it didn’t work on me.”, Jin continued.
“What did you do?”, Yoongi asked.
“I asked the sorceress what you just asked me. She shared the trick with me. And ever since then I've been doing this."
“And your depression?”
“At some point I seemed to have forgotten I even had it.”
Yoongi moved to a humble hut near the beach and took on the role of a witch. People sought him out everyday asking him to cure their depression. He heard them out, closed his eyes and assigned their depression to the first object that came into his mind. Some people took his words at face value, others left angrily. He didn't know what the people did with his advice, but since they kept coming, he assumed word had spread about him in the nearby town.
One day, he woke up and realized he had forgotten what had compelled him to leave his old life behind and start this one. The dark cloud that had been weighing him down had been lifted, now that he too was capable of magic.