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Izzy blinked and sat up slowly. He looked up and down the foggy beach, knowing instinctively where he was. Honestly purgatory was less impressive than what he’d pictured. It was just a beach like any other. But, he supposed, while he was here he might as well have a look around.
He got up and slowly walked up the sand towards the trees. From what he’d heard of this place most people didn’t end up here alone so as he walked he wondered who he might run into. It wasn’t until he’d almost reached the tree line that he finally saw her. He smiled at the familiar face. “Hello mum.”
She held her arms out, offering him a hug. “Hello darling.”
In spite of himself, he accepted the embrace. There was no need to keep up a facade of meanness now.
“It’s been a long time,” he said once she’d let him go.
She rested a hand lovingly on his cheek. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too,” he replied softly.
“Shall we walk?” she asked and he nodded.
“Do I look like you remembered?” she questioned as they strode along through the trees. For a place so close to death it was surprisingly lush and green.
“You haven’t changed a bit,” he told her, “which makes sense I suppose.”
“I suppose you’re right,” she agreed.
She was a creation of his own mind, after all. Of course she looked exactly as he remembered her looking when she’d died.
She glanced at him as they continued on their walk.
“You’re still wearing my ring.” She pointed to the silver band that rested just above the knot on his kerchief.
Izzy’s hand reached up and touched the ring absentmindedly. “At some point it just became a habit,” he replied, but then, after a pause, he decided he’d rather tell her the truth. “And I like carrying a piece of you with me,” he added.
She smiled at him. “You always were much kinder than you liked to let on.”
He chuckled. He had been a sensitive child. His mother had always called it his greatest strength, but after she was gone, it had started to feel like a weakness. He’d buried that part of himself for so long, but lately he’d found his softer side again. “I guess some things never change.”
“It was good to hear you singing again,” she commented.
“I was a little worried I might not have it in me anymore, after all those years.”
“You did though. It sounded lovely.”
“It felt good to do it,” he said. “It felt like I’d found myself again, like I was free from all the shit I’d been carrying around for so long.” He’d been nervous when he’d stepped out onto the deck of the ship to perform, but it had been worth it. It had ended up being his swan song but it was still glorious. “I’m glad I got to have that.”
His mother placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “You deserved it, after everything.”
“It wasn’t all bad,” he reassured her. “There were good times, plenty of good times.”
“I’m glad. I was worried when my little boy turned to piracy.”
“It wasn’t an easy life, but in the end it was the best choice I ever made. When you’re part of a crew you’re part of something bigger than yourself and that’s a beautiful thing.” He’d never been one for fame and fortune, but he was glad to have a different sort of legacy, he was glad to be remembered by the people who mattered to him.
His mother stopped walking suddenly and Izzy did too. He’d been so absorbed in the conversation that he hadn’t realized they’d been walking uphill, but as he looked ahead he knew they had. The trees had thinned out and ahead of them was the end of the road, so to speak.
“We don’t have much time left here.” His mother gestured to the path in front of them, which only had a few yards left before it ended in a steep cliff. “If you want to fight, you might still have a choice.”
He looked at the path’s end. With the dense fog it almost seemed like it might continue past the end of the cliff, simply leading to a place he couldn’t see. “I feel like the choice has already been made for me,” he told her. “And I’m alright with that. I think I’m done fighting. I’ve earned my retirement.”
She looked at him with concern, her brow furrowed. “You’re sure? I think they’re going to miss you quite a bit.”
He nodded firmly. “I know, but that’s life isn’t it? People come and go. Saying goodbye is hard but you have to do it.” It hurt to think of causing any of the crew pain, especially Edward, but he knew it was his time. He was ready, but his mother still looked unconvinced. “We said goodbye,” he reminded her.
“We did,” she agreed solemnly.
“And I kept going after that,” he continued, “even though for a while, I didn’t think it was possible I found a way forward. They’ll find their way forward too.” He was saying this for himself as much as he was saying it for her. Although, he remembered, everything he was saying now was for himself, wasn’t it? “And they won’t be alone. I feel good knowing I’m not leaving them alone. They’ve got each other to lean on.” He smiled at the thought of Ed and Bonnet, finally together. It had taken them long enough, fucking idiots.
“You helped them get there,” his mother said.
“They would’ve made it on their own, but I’m glad I got to encourage them a bit. It was good fun making them blush.” He chuckled at the memories.
She looked at him seriously. Somehow she could sense his resolve and she’d accepted it. “You’re sure, aren’t you?”
“I am,” he replied calmly. He wasn’t frightened and he was only a little sad; more than anything he felt at peace. “I had a damn good run,” he told her, “and in the end I said what I needed to say and I had family with me. It was a good end.”
She smiled warmly and affectionately, just as he remembered her doing when he was young. “I’m glad.” She gave him a final hug and then gestured to the path ahead once more. “Are you ready, dear? It won’t hurt I promise.”
“It’s alright.” He straightened his shoulders and puffed up his chest in a joking show of masculinity. “Unicorns are tough.”
She laughed lightly. “Alright. All you have to do is take the last few steps and let go.”
He walked forward to the edge of the cliff. All he could see ahead was fog. He looked back at his mother and she nodded comfortingly. With a last breath he stepped off the edge of the path and to his surprise, he didn’t fall. Instead, his body was filled with a lightness and a warmth and an overwhelming sense of calm. It felt like floating. It felt like coming home. It felt like love.