ratherthepoint
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Ouch, My Spleen! (And Other Ways to Seduce Your Rescuer) by ratherthepoint
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
05 Feb 2023
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Summary
When Lucius off-handedly mentions hearing about a crisis management training event looking for volunteers to be fake-rescued by firefighters, Stede doesn’t think long before saying yes. He never knows quite what to do with himself on weekends when he doesn’t have the kids - it’ll be a nice change from his normal aimless cleaning and Netflix binging. Plus, what an excellent chance to flex his acting muscles!
Or, Stede walks into a firefighter training exercise straight and leaves... not that.
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If you like drinking Old Fashioneds and getting caught in bad decisions by ratherthepoint
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
22 Sep 2022
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It takes one Old Fashioned for Ed to talk to Mary.
Two, for him to accept the napkin with her careful handwriting on it.
Three, before he feels like he can even BEGIN to work through everything she just told him.
It’s around the time that he orders his fourth drink that he starts to think “Is it really such a bad idea?”
And he’s only a few sips into that one when he decides that no, it isn’t.
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After update 422 I decided that Ed should get a little drunk and make bad decisions to find Stede, as a treat (for me. Not for Ed, he's regretting everything) -
Ed & Stede's "Get-Along" Kidnapping by ratherthepoint
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
10 Sep 2022
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“Don’t be such a spoilsport! I’m just going to saw myself free, and then I’ll do you, and we’ll come up with a distraction - some sort of fuckery, I’m rather good at them now - something to make them look the other way, and we’ll slip over to the side into a dinghy and row away.” It’s not a perfect plan, but Stede thinks it’s rather good given how little time he’s had to come up with it.
“That’s the stupidest fucking plan I’ve ever heard,” Ed says flatly. “You’re just gonna row away? Middle of the ocean, nothing to see for miles, and you think they’re not gonna notice you rowing away?”
Stede stops sawing at his bindings to snap, “Then you come up with a plan!”
- Or, tfw you get taken hostage but the ex you're still in love with is tied next to you and he wants to talk about your feelings
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Someday you'll blow us all away by ratherthepoint
Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
21 Sep 2021
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“Well, color me surprised. You’re ready for the baby Avengers initiative?” Tony asks.
“Ok, well, we’re definitely not calling it that,” Peter says, and Tony laughs.
“If you’re taking control, you can change the name. But last I heard, you were fully anti-baby, so what gives?”
“Oh geez, don’t say it like that,” Peter groans. “Jameson will somehow hear, and then he’ll be all ‘Spider-man hates babies!’ on top of his other bullshit.”
“It would fit particularly well with his theory that you’re a cannibalistic spider-alien,” Tony agrees.
---- Between preparing for college and protecting a New York still recovering a year after the Blip, Peter has his hands full. But maybe training the next generation of superheroes will make it easier to let things go? (They're definitely changing the name, though)
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It's another post-campaign Professor Widogast shenanigans fic, but this time in the format of Caleb's Rate My Professor page because I saw a joke that I couldn't get out of my head
Recent series
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- Words:
- 5,795
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 11
Recent bookmarks
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Burton's parents insisted on going to the market, and he ended up getting more than he bargained for. Or, rather, he got exactly who he bargained for.
AKA, the Slave AU no one asked for.
Series
- Part 8 of Whumptober 2022 Prompts
- Part 1 of Slave!Shawn
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 446,873
- Chapters:
- 87/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,997
- Kudos:
- 576
- Bookmarks:
- 88
- Hits:
- 27,050
Bookmarked by ratherthepoint
03 Feb 2026
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Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt by stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
11 Aug 2023
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Ed is a vigilante with shadow powers in the form of tendrils of darkness that emerge from his spine to help him fight crime, hated and feared by most of the world for his powers and their unpredictable nature. Librarian Stede looks at him like he hung the stars in the night sky, and damn if that doesn't made Ed want to live up to it.
(Anti-hero Ed, soft Stede, semi-autonomous shadow tentacles that fall in love with Stede even faster than Ed does, and a solid 30/70 mix of drama and cuteness)
Series
- Part 1 of Shadow Tendril Lads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,454
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 28
- Kudos:
- 369
- Bookmarks:
- 64
- Hits:
- 2,636
Bookmarked by ratherthepoint
25 Oct 2023
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When Stede put out the advertisement for a man, it was very late at night and he was very, very drunk.
Seeking: intimidating man to conduct himself poorly at an elite dinner party this Christmas. Tattoos, piercings a plus. Must be comfortable speaking out of turn and using the wrong cutlery for at least one course. Rate of pay negotiable – role involves engaging with somewhat difficult personages and you will be compensated accordingly. Note that you will be posing as another man’s romantic partner; homophobes need not apply.
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Frustrated by his rich, bigoted family, Stede Bonnet advertises for a man to be his fake date when he faces them at Christmas. Tattooed biker Edward Teach responds. But somewhere between planning amazing pranks and teaching Ed about society, Stede begins to fall for him. Could Ed ever feel the same?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,261
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 317
- Kudos:
- 2,366
- Bookmarks:
- 462
- Hits:
- 13,656
Bookmarked by ratherthepoint
18 Apr 2023
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This Kidnapping Experience Was Rated 3 Stars by Panda_Birds
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
03 Apr 2023
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Summary
3 times Edward Teach got kidnapped because of his mob boss boyfriend, and one time his mob boss boyfriend did some kidnapping of his own
Series
- Part 2 of CringeFail Mob Boss Stede
Bookmarked by ratherthepoint
16 Apr 2023
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It’s Paris in the summer of 2024, and world-famous diving champion Ed Teach is representing New Zealand in what could be his final Olympics. After coming back from an almost career-ending injury he’s focussed everything he's got on winning gold at these Games, but when he meets Stede Bonnet—a first-time diving rival representing Barbados—at the infamous free condom handout and then discovers they're roommates, he’s suddenly got a lot more to think about.
As Ed’s synchronisation with his long-term diving partner Izzy Hands begins to falter and Stede struggles with his confidence, believing in each other might be the only thing that gets them both through. In between, they're going to take this brief, fated time together to connect in every possible way they can.
Series
- Part 1 of Love Beyond Borders
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 82,609
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 1,000
- Kudos:
- 1,288
- Bookmarks:
- 386
- Hits:
- 25,510
Bookmarked by ratherthepoint
03 Feb 2023