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It was no secret that Ezreal was rich. Like, obviously, he came from a rich family AND he was one of the biggest pop stars of his era.
So, it was no brainer for him to propose Heartsteel to move in with him - he already had a studio in his mansion and his uncle barely ever was home. Yone did make them pay rent, sure, but it was more so… a formality than anything.
There was only one rule - do NOT enter Ezreal’s room.
Of course, this rule more or less applied to all of their rooms - they respected each other’s privacy, but it felt especially important around Ezreal. He wouldn’t even let them see what was in his room, always talking to them outside.
So, no one was surprised when Kayn said he wanted to break in.
“Dude, no.” Sett immediately shook his head and crossed his arms. “Ez is letting us stay here practically for free, he asked for ONE thing and you wanna ignore that?”
“Oh come on, he will be fine! It’s just a room, how bad can it be?” Kayn rolled his eyes.
“You’ll be lucky to survive.” Aphelios shrugged and put his cup down to sign.
“Like he’d kill me.”
“I’m talking about Yone. You know Ezreal is his favourite child.” Aphelios raised a brow at him. “If he finds out, you’re dead.”
“See, that’s why I’m not asking him . I’m asking you. Come on, Phel, think of it as one of your little pranks!”
“My pranks are well thought and they’re not crossing anyone’s boundaries. Your ‘prank’ will most likely ruin any relationship you have with Ezreal AND us.” Aphelios glared at him, hands moving fast. “Not worth it.”
“You all are booooooooring!” Kayn whined and leaned back in his chair. “Come on, it will be funny, we can all laugh about it later!”
“You’ll be laughing on the street at this pace.” Sett sighed. “What would you do if we broke into your room?"
“Bleh.” Kayn stuck out his tongue. “You guys are NO fun.”
“Hey, I’m fun.” Ezreal’s voice made Kayn snap his head around as the other entered the kitchen. “Not like you’d realize it. What heist are you planning this time?” He asked, walking over to the cupboard to grab a mug.
“You’re about as much fun as Yone.” Kayn rolled his eyes, staring at Ezreal’s back. Well, if he was here… “...hey, Ez. What would you do if I broke into your room?”
Ezreal flinched.
It was a small jump, Kayn was pretty sure no one aside from him even noticed it. Ezreal turned around and looked at him, eyes focused.
Huh.
And then… he smiled. “What, are you this desperate to spend more time with me? Kayn, I’m honored. ”
Huh.
“Hah, you wish.” Kayn snorted. “You’d have to pay me.”
“What are you, a prostitute?” Ezreal rolled his eyes. He finally managed to grab that cup as he reached for the pot of tea Aphelios left. “Scratch that, I’m sure you could use some money, maybe you’d finally buy a shirt.”
“Oh, Ez, we all know you love when I walk around shirtless.”
“I love it as much as you love staring at my ass. ”
“I don’t stare at your-”
“And I don’t like you walking like that. Wow, we almost agree.” Ezreal snorted and sat down on the countertop.
“I never would’ve assumed our little popstar prince would be embarrassed because of me. That’s adorable .” Kayn smirked. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how red you always are around me.”
“I’m red ‘cause I’m angry. Duh.” Ezreal stuck out his tongue. “You probably dream of seeing me blu-”
“Phel, we should probably leave soon.” Sett interrupted him, looking at his partner. “Ma’s waiting.”
Aphelios hummed in response, quickly finishing his tea. “Got it.” He signed back and looked at Kayn. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I never do anything stupid!” Kayn scoffed. “Just… just go on that stupid date!”
“You’re just jealous no one wants you.” Ezreal laughed. “I will keep an eye on him, go have fun guys!”
“We will, we will! See ya later!” Sett waved and left the room.
It was a little awkward once Aphelios left too. Kayn and Ezreal… they definitely didn’t spend too much time alone. And the fact that Kayn wanted to break into Ezreal’s room didn’t help either. Ugh, if only K’sante was home…
“So uh…” Kayn glanced at Ezreal. “...what now?”
“Oh, so you suddenly want to spend time with me?” Ezreal raised his brows. “Without paying?”
“Oh, shut it.” He rolled his eyes. Stupid idiot. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He thought he was so cool and smart, with his pretty eyes and pretty hair and oh, he was talking to him. What did he say?
Ezreal sighed. “The least you could do is listen, Kayn.”
“Your voice is too annoying.”
“Kayn.”
“I mean I bet you can’t even listen to yourself-”
“ Kayn. ” Ezreal repeated, his voice strained. He didn’t even sound mad, yet it still made Kayn freeze up. Ezreal rarely was this serious.
“...me.”
“Do not enter my room.” He said quietly. He looked down at his mug and put it away with a sigh. “Just… please. All jokes aside. Don’t.”
Please?
Please ?
Ezreal never asked him for anything this… politely. What? Was this whole room thing really THIS serious?
“...I’m not some kind of monster, geez. Fine. I won’t break into your stupid room.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s probably boring anyways.”
“Thank you.” Ezreal smiled and jumped off the counter. “You… I… will repay you somehow.”
“Gods below, no , you’re making me sound like a criminal. Just relax your pretty little head, Ez.”
“Oh, so you think I’m pretty?”
“SHUT UP!”
—
Months passed since then and honestly? Kayn forgot all about Ezreal’s room. They were all busy with recording, committing crimes, getting out of said crimes…
Compared to that, Ezreal’s room was boring. Like, what was the worst thing Ezreal hid inside? A corpse? Kayn had seen worse. Nah, scratch that, Kayn had worse shit in his room NOW.
Time passed and somehow, Kayn found himself alone in the mansion. Again.
Sett and K’sante went to train, Phel went with Alune to the shopping mall and Yone… was actually doing productive shit and bailing them out of that sue threat Riot Studios made. Awkward…
Where was Ezreal?
Honestly, they had no clue. He didn’t seem to be in his room earlier, but he did text them that he was okay. Even sent a voicemail since Yone was scared someone kidnapped him. He sounded perfectly normal and didn’t use the previously picked safe word ( seriously, at that moment Kayn understood why Yone made them pick one )
So.
It was just Kayn.
Just Kayn and the mansion and the-
CRASH!
Kayn froze.
Was that… a window? Did someone-
“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“Ezreal?!” Kayn’s eyes widened as he ran upstairs. Ezreal was here?! Did someone break into his room?! Was he about to be… no, no, no! “Ez, hold on, hold on- ”
He burst the doors to Ezreal’s room open, first curled up and ready to punch the first person he saw only to see…
…nothing.
…what?
The room was dark, he almost couldn’t see anything… aside from a small light coming from the on suite. The doors were slightly open and from inside he could hear… whimpering?
What?
“Ez?” He called out, slowly walking over to the bathroom. “Ez, I’m coming in!”
“No, wait, DON’T!” He could hear Ezreal’s scream but it was too late.
Kayn opened the doors.
And once he saw what was inside… his stomach did a flip.
Ezreal stood in the middle, looking at him with wide eyes. He had huge bags under his eyes and his usually perfect hair was a mess. He looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks .
But that wasn’t even the worst part.
The worst part, by a long shot, were his hands .
They were cut, blood pouring out of his wounds and, oh gods, was that glass?
Frozen, frozen, everything was frozen. Everything around them disappeared as Kayn was able to see only those bloody, cut, hands. Those beautiful hands, those hurt hands.
His heart thumped against his chest as he looked at Ezreal, eyes wide with shock. A thump without a word, a thump without a breath and then-
"Get out… get out, GET OUT!" Ezreal screamed, his usually cheery voice high and pitchy. A yell, a screech.
What was going on?
Everything swirled around Kayn as he took in more details - the mirror. The mirror was shattered, it all started from the middle in an almost circular way… a punch? Was that why Ezreal's hands were bloody?
Ezreal was screaming something. Kayn couldn't hear that. Kayn couldn't really hear anything aside from his own heartbeat. He couldn't hear Ezreal's whimpers, he couldn't hear Ezreal begging him to leave.
Begging him to… what?
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Was he breathing so quickly or was it Ezreal? The little one was trembling, looking at him with wide eyes.
Scared.
Scared of… him.
Everything seemed to snap back to Kayn in a mere second as Ezreal's eyes watered, droplets flowing down his cheeks.
No one saw Ezreal crying before.
Before Kayn could even register his movements, he jumped towards Ezreal, pulling him into a hug.
Ezreal froze. Everything froze.
There was only Kayn who raised his hand to bury it in Ezreal's hair.
What happened? He wanted to ask. He wanted to ask so many things, but…
Ezreal was so small. Trembling. Like the shattered glass on the floor.
No one said anything, both of them waiting for the other to start. And then…
"Let's get you patched up." Kayn whispered, hugging Ezreal even tighter.
And somehow, it was enough.
The silence bursted like a bubble as Ezreal practically collapsed into his arms, screaming. Fear, agony, sadness, grief, anger? It was hard to say. Kayn didn't want to know.
He just wanted Ezreal to be okay.
He allowed Ezreal to lean on him as he slowly walked them out of the bathroom, his fingers shaking as he searched for the light switch.
The lights turned on with a silent buzz.
And Kayn finally got to see Ezreal's room.
And he wished he didn't.
The floor was covered in trash - from empty jars of hair gel to ramen cups. Almost everything aside from his computer and bed was covered in dust and the walls were barren, aside from…
… a giant painting.
Three people. A blond woman with eyes as sparkly as Ezreal's and an older guy with the same brown hair Ez used to have. And then… It was hard to describe. A child? A small person between them, but someone… cut them out. Literally ripped to shreds if bits of it on the floor were any indicator.
Kayn wanted to ask about that, he really did, but at this point Ezreal could barely stand. And Ezreal was more important than any secret he might hide.
Kayn brought him over to the bed, letting the smaller one sit down on the edge. As soon as Kayn let go of him, Ezreal froze.
It was… terrifying. As if someone suddenly took his soul away.
"Ez." Kayn gulped, trying to make his voice gentle. Hah. His voice, gentle. "Ez, can you hear me?" He asked, kneeling in front of his friend.
Ezreal didn't have an answer. He didn't even… seem to register the question. He just sat on the bed, looking down at his hands.
Kayn frowned.
Fuck, he was not good with this.
"Ezreal." He tried again. "I am going to grab a first aid kit, alright? Stay here. I will be back in a second."
He stood up, watching Ezreal for any sign of reaction. Nothing. It was as if his best friend was a husk of himself.
He wanted nothing more than to see Ezreal smile and tell him everything would be alright.
Fuck.
"I'll… be right back." He whispered and left the room, practically running to the kitchen. His thoughts were swirling. What was that about? Why was Ezreal acting like that? Why was he so… empty?
He returned to the room less than five minutes later, inhaling sharply when he saw what was happening inside.
Ezreal was sitting on the bed just like moments before, but this time, his hands were moving.
He was pulling a glass piece out of his skin.
Bit.
By.
Bit.
Kayn cursed and jumped towards Ez, grabbing his wrist.
"Are you insane? We gotta disinfect those, you can't just pull those out!" He hissed and looked at Ezreal.
It terrified him how empty those yellow eyes felt.
Looking at him. Staring. Without an ounce of emotion.
"...just let me do it." He said and took out a small bottle and a pack of bandages. "It might sting a little… don't, uh, hold your pretty little voice back?" He tried to joke, but even he had to admit it sounded a little pathetic.
He opened the bottle and gently took one of Ezreal's hands, pouring some of the disinfectant onto his wounds.
Ezreal didn't even flinch.
He only watched as Kayn slowly took out piece by piece, cleaning the wounds up and bandaging him.
Bit by bit. Finger by finger. Hand by hand.
Minutes passed and soon enough, Ezreal’s hands were covered in bandages. Little by little… and as Kayn moved he noticed something else.
Scars .
Thousands of tiny scars on Ezreal’s fingers. They didn’t seem to be from self harm, but gods… how often did he get hurt?
Could he still feel pain?
Kayn cursed at himself. Of course he did, Ezreal was still human, regardless of how empty he… seemed. He put the first aid kit aside and frowned. He… he really wasn’t good at that. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to hug and kiss Ezreal, to make him feel better, but… he was not an idiot. Nor a monster.
A kiss was the last thing Ezreal needed.
All Ezreal needed now was grounding.
Kayn stood up and gently took Ezreal’s hand, helping the other move. The vocalist looked at him, brows slightly furrowed in confusion.
“I wanna show you something. Come on, Ezzie, it will be fun.” He tried to smile. Ezreal simply exhaled and looked down again.
At least he stood up.
Kayn’s room wasn’t far from Ezreal’s - nothing really was. It was however smaller and he had to share a bathroom with Yone. His walls were covered in posters - mainly Pentakill and some other rock bands with an exception of one glaring photo.
Ezreal’s photo.
The poster was among the biggest ones - it portrayed Ezreal in bubblegum pink hair, blowing them a kiss. It was from his peak popstar prince era and in the bottom left corner… was Ezreal’s signature.
If Ezreal saw it, he didn’t acknowledge that.
Kayn sat him down on his bed - trying to at least throw the mess on the ground to make space for the smaller man. Ezreal pulled his legs closer, looking at him.
Right. Right, right, what now?
“…uh, do you want to like… talk about it or…” Kayn tilted his head, but his only answer was the empty stare from Ezreal. Right. Not in the mood… what then…
…a distraction maybe? Kayn tried his best to think how his father acted during his own attacks, but all that seemed so far away… he sighed and rubbed his temples. Really, he wasn’t good at-
“Oh, I know!” He snapped his fingers and grinned, looking at Ezreal. “Do you wanna hear a secret? You like those, do you?”
At first, Ezreal didn’t answer… but then he shifted. The movement was barely noticeable, but this time, Ezreal stared at him. Kayn had his interest. Perfect.
“Ah, I knew you’d like the sound of it. Can’t blame you, I am fascinating.” He snorted, trying to at least sound normal. Well, as normal as he usually did. “Alright… so…”
Kayn stood up and rubbed the back of neck. Fuck, that was going to be embarrassing. He reached down for his guitar and sheepishly smiled at his friend.
“So, you know how I only really rap here? Well… uh…” His cheeks flushed a bright red as he sat down next to Ezreal. “Let’s just say that’s not the only thing I do. I mean I do rap a lot because I’m fucking amazing, but I did technically get into this whole business because I wanted… to sing.”
He gulped.
“I started by posting my covers online but you know the net, they got like zero views. I gained popularity only after that rap battle with 'Kali… and it was really hard to rebrand since then." He took the guitar and played a simple chord, looking at Ez.
"...I saved my first cover for something special, you know. It's probably the only song I could sing in my sleep, I practiced it so much."
Kayn bit his lip and looked away, suddenly very embarrassed. "... don't tell anyone about this."
He inhaled as his hands started moving, playing a very familiar accord. He could see Ezreal moving, his eyes widening a little as Kayn opened his mouth and sang.
A page in the book,
A sentence left unwritten.
I'm a bunch of unfinished words,
A stain on our history.
You kept all of me,
Like a precious artifact.
You kept all of me,
Keeping me intact.
And then I realized…
You, my sweet, my dear,
You're always here.
Keeping me 'round.
Killing all my fears.
You are my museum,
A place to be?
Let's write together,
A page for history.
A page for history….
Kayn sighed and opened his eyes. He didn't even realize they were closed, too focused on that music. On Ezreal's music. He put the guitar away and looked at Ezreal.
His eyes were wet as a stray tear fell down his cheek. His fingers were trembling as he looked at Kayn in shock, as if he didn't know whether he should smile or cry.
Their eyes met as Ezreal bit his lip and looked away. Fuck. Fuck, did he mess up? Did that make Ezreal feel worse, what was-
"I remember when you came for that signature." Ezreal's voice was hoarse, barely louder than a whisper. Huh?
Kayn followed Ezreal's gaze only to see… the poster. He gulped.
"...how? This was-"
"2017, July 12th." Ezreal answered almost immediately. "Just before my last concert."
Kayn's brows furrowed.
He remembered that.
He remembered the special fan meeting before the concert. He remembered how excited he was, how grateful he was to his father for buying him special tickets for his birthday.
He remembered how terrified he was when Ezreal collapsed on the scene, unable to sing.
He remembered the newspapers posting about Ezreal everywhere , calling him a failure. He remembered Ezreal disappearing from the music world almost overnight.
"...I've always loved your music. Popstar or rockstar." He finally admitted, looking at the poster.
"Your hair was black back then. And you didn't have a red eye, so I wasn't really sure if it was really you, but…" Ezreal sighed and looked down at his hands. "... I'm sorry for being such a disappointing idol."
What?
"W-what?" Kayn's brows furrowed as he completely put his guitar aside to move closer to Ezreal. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Ezreal didn't answer. He sighed and pulled his legs closer. Kayn wanted to open his mouth again, but… fuck, it was clear Ez wanted to say more.
So he waited.
He watched Ezreal's Adam apple bobbing as he gulped and opened his mouth again.
"I hate myself." Kayn blinked. "I can't stand looking at myself. Sometimes, I wish I could just-"
"Stop." Kayn's voice was cold as he took Ezreal's hands, making the vocalist look at him surprised . "Ez, what the fuck?"
Ezreal's eyes widened as he let out a silent whimper and tried to pull away, only for Kayn to grab him tighter.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, it's just-"
"Why haven't you told any of us?" Kayn inhaled sharply. "Ezreal, fuck, why didn't you tell us you want to… you want to die?"
"What?" Now it was Ezreal's turn to be shocked. "I don't want to die!"
What?
"But you just said-!"
"I wanted to say 'I wish I could just turn invisible'!" Ezreal seemed astounded that Kayn could even think about something like that.
Kayn closed his mouth and watched Ezreal who sighed and pinched his nose.
"...I stopped wishing for death months ago. Heartsteel… is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm the happiest I've ever been, Kayn, it's just…"
Ezreal gulped and looked at the poster again.
"...I look just like them."
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Something in Kayn's heart tugged as he remembered the painting in Ezreal's room.
"...your parents? Before they…"
"...you know, I thought they were dead when they first disappeared." Ezreal looked down at his hands. "I was twelve when that happened. And I was seventeen when I discovered they were alive."
"Alive? But they-"
"...they have died since then." Ezreal shrugged. "They only reached out to me once my career ended, at that concert. Money stopped flowing, they were… concerned. "
"More like concerned about their bank accounts."
Ezreal snorted. "It seems easy to say it now. But back then, I was just so happy they were back! They came for me, they'd help me… at least that's what I wished for."
Ezreal leaned on Kayn's shoulder, letting his head rest on him completely.
"When they abandoned me weeks after that, I convinced myself it was my fault. I wasn't enough. I messed up, it was all within reason to leave me alone."
"Okay, but that's bullshit and you know it, right?" Kayn raised his brows.
"I think that's the problem…" Ezreal gulped. "I wanted to forget, I really did, but… everytime I look at myself, everytime I look in the mirror… all I see is them. Saying that they love me. They're proud of me. Lying. "
Kayn could feel as the smaller man started shaking, tears appearing in his eyes again.
"I fucking hate them." Ezreal spat out. "And I hate myself for being just like them."
The room became silent.
The only sound Kayn could hear was his own heart. Thumping. Beating.
Unsure what to do now.
"... I'm sorry, I really uh… unpacked a lot here, did I?" Ezreal laughed sheepishly and put a strand of his hair behind his ear. "I should probably… go and… clean that glass up."
That woke Kayn up.
He immediately huffed and pulled Ezreal into a hug, making the smaller freeze.
"You, popstar prince, are the dumbest person I ever met." Kayn scoffed, looking down at Ezreal who tried his best to look back at him.
" Huh? "
"Don't huh me! You are stupid to think that I would ever mind you telling me all this. Or do you think I don't care, hm? Which one is it?"
"N-no, it's not like-"
"I know. Relax, Ezzie. Don't worry." Kayn sighed and laid down on the mattress, taking Ez down with him.
"You know." Kayn spoke again, looking at the ceiling. "At first I thought someone was kidnapping you."
" What? "
"You heard me!"
Ezreal snorted. "Is this supposed to make me feel better? That's ridiculous and you know it."
"I mean, yea, but imagine being me here! You hear glass shattering and you screaming. What else was I supposed to think?"
"You were worried about me? Kayn, that's adorable." Ezreal smiled. "Maybe I should do that more often-"
"Don't even joke like that!" Kayn hissed and poked Ezreal's cheek, making him yelp. "That was the scariest moment of my life!"
"...wait, really? Including that one time Yone almost killed you with that falling building?"
"Yea." Kayn admitted. "I.. know I'm living a risky life, if I die, you die, but… the thought of you being taken … I just…"
He sighed and shook his head. "Don't you fucking dare tell this to the guys."
"I'm insulted, you assume I'd do something like that. Can I mention the poster though?"
"Ez…"
"Just kidding! Bleh, Kayn being so serious doesn't fit you." Ezreal rolled his eyes. "If it makes you more comfortable, I could tell you a secret too?"
"... don't your whole ass backstory count?"
"Uh, no, that's like boring. I'll tell you something better."
Ezreal sat up and leaned over Kayn, smiling.
Time seemed to slow down as Ezreal's silky green hair flowed down his shoulders. His eyes were back to that beautiful golden hue and his smile…
God.
His soft smile, his little dimples, the way his nose crunched up a little…
…he was a masterpiece.
Kayn's mouth felt dry as Ezreal slowly moved closer to him. His cheeks flushed deep red, he could feel his hot breath on his ear as the other opened his mouth.
"You were always my favourite."
Kayn gulped. "... even better than Ernest?"
Ezreal chuckled and shook his head. He leaned even closer, lips brushing against his cheek.
"Even better than thousands of them."