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It's another summer.
The heat's almost unbearable and the Subaru's cramped and smells like chips, way too much cologne and Sora's artificial strawberry lip gloss.
As always, Eunseok grabs the passenger seat and blasts his entire playlist on their three hour journey, a confusing mismatch of pop, rock and country that threatens to induce Seunghan's headache, just like it does every year.
Mrs. Hong allows it, however -- because how can she say no to her (not so) little perfect son? This is the last summer before he's moving away to his dream university, after all, and what place to spend his holidays at than the vacation home of the small, peaceful town of Rise Creeks , the one place he's spent his childhood summers?
Seunghan doesn't hesitate to step out of the car the second it's parked in front of the expansive vacation home, the building so large it looks more like a mansion rather than a house for a family of three.
Like it always has been, the area's encircled with lush greenery and vibrant flowers, which will become even grander upon stepping to the back.
Seunghan helps Sora and his mom unpack, and there are already voices up front that are all so familiar and drown him deep in nostalgia despite seeing these very same people every year.
"Oh my god, Seokie and Hannie! You guys have grown so tall since I last saw you. And Sora, you've gotten even prettier !" Ms. Park gushes as she appears, a wide smile on her face as she pulls each of them in for a big hug, smelling like her signature jasmine scent. She gives Mrs. Hong the biggest one, because after all they have known each other the longest. "Minhee, what have you been feeding these kids?"
"Same things as usual, Jaeha. They just keep growing," Mrs. Hong laughs, and just like every summer, she encourages the kids to chat with each other while she and Ms. Park catch up on everything they've missed thus far.
Immediately Eunseok starts going at it with Sungchan, the oldest son of the Park family while Sora heads off somewhere to call up her friends from home, no doubt.
Of course, Eunseok and Sungchan include Seunghan in their conversation, but Seunghan feels very much like the middle child that he is, hovering around others but not actually sought out. Liked but not actually prioritized.
But it's another summer, and summers are meant to be his for the taking.
A new person saunters out of the garden in a flannel shirt, shoulders hunched and crashing down Seunghan's train of thought in one fell swoop.
Their shoulder-length hair -- a personal choice they began two summers prior -- shields a bit of their face from view, but when their eyes meet Seunghan's own, a certain type of warmth engulfs him that doesn't come from the scorching sun.
"Jeez," Wonbin starts, looking Seunghan up and down. "Did you get taller or what?"
Seunghan blinks, inhales, wills his heartbeat to calm down. "I didn't. You probably got shorter because of your shitty posture."
"Ooh, burn," Sungchan hisses playfully, eyes darting between his brother and Seunghan like a ping pong ball. He's always been a sucker for drama, for something crazy happening. Always found it funny. That side of him nearly burned out when his father passed away two years ago. "You kinda deserved that though. You always like teasing Seunghan, even more so when we were kids."
Sungchan was right. Earlier summers with the Parks were spent under the wrath of Wonbin and being subjected to his neverending pranks. Wonbin was kind of a little shit back then.
"You basically tortured Seunghan until he grew taller than you," Eunseok adds, because like most summers, Seunghan gets tongue-tied when it comes to Park Wonbin.
"I get it, I was a little mean," Wonbin admits, doing that thing he does with his hair -- that subtle combing through that Seunghan can't look away from whenever he spots it. It doesn't help that it's a habit Wonbin does a lot. "But I did not torture Seunghan."
"You were a dick, to be exact," Seunghan says just to say something. But he isn't mad. It's hard to hate someone who's carved out a special place in your heart just for them since you were ten.
"Fine." Wonbin holds a hand out, deep brown eyes boring into Seunghan's. "Let's call a truce then. My dick acting days are over now."
Eunseok and Sungchan choke on their laughter, which has Seunghan blushing wildly and Wonbin rolling his eyes.
"You guys are a bunch of dirty minded fuckers," Wonbin states, gaze still never leaving Seunghan's. It's another summer, and yet, Seunghan lets himself believe it could possibly mean more. "So, truce?"
"Fine, whatever." Seunghan pretends to be nonchalant as he shakes the older boy's hand, but he's quickly breaking out into a wide grin when Wonbin yanks him close and wraps an arm around his shoulders.
"Shit. You did grow taller," Wonbin swears, casting Eunseok and Sungchan a glance. Like this, his face is so close to Seunghan's, all perfectly sculpted and lips even softer from this angle. "You know what we do to people who get too tall around here."
It takes Seunghan far too long for him to realize what Wonbin means by that, considering this is his seventeenth summer at this place.
It happens way too quickly. Before Seunghan can fight back, he's being grabbed by Eunseok and Wonbin and dragged towards the back of the expansive property, Sungchan racing after them with his phone in hand.
"You guys are a bunch of fuckin' assholes, you know that right!" Seunghan yells, but his voice is barely heard over the commotion and rigorous guffaws coming from the guys currently manhandling him. "You're lucky I don't have my phone on me!"
" Say cheese !" Sungchan grins, all wide and sinister and looking like the Joker's relative. He does this every time , and yet, Seunghan keeps falling for it -- figuratively and literally. "I wanna see those pearly whites."
Seunghan flips him off the best he can before he's quickly splashing into cold water, and while he's a bit pissed, the pool definitely feels good on his flushed, heated skin.
He exhales sharply, wiping his dark drenched locks off his face while he hears a displeased huff coming from the side.
"Did you guys really have to do that? I'm calling my friends y'know," Sora says with narrowed eyes, twirling the ends of her auburn hair. Every summer she dyes the tips of it something crazy. Last year it was blond, and now at sixteen, she preferred it to be a little more natural.
"I'm okay, Sora. Thanks," Seunghan says, still running his fingers through his hair. He isn't the best swimmer so he doesn't attempt any sudden movements, and tries his best to avoid Wonbin's stare. It's hard, however, because the guy is definitely watching him.
Sora just rolls her eyes, as perpetually apathetic as the ' I don't care' scribbled on her grey crop top.
"You know we always throw the guys who grow taller into the pool on our first day here," Eunseok explains, while Seunghan is still dodging Wonbin's gaze. "It's tradition."
"A tradition you wouldn't get since you've been stuck at like, 5'1 since eleven ," Sungchan adds, hands on his hips. He looks like a dad like this, but Seunghan won't tell him that, mostly because it'll just bring up unwanted feelings and peel off old wounds.
Sora pushes her phone into her pocket, walks up to Sungchan, then abruptly shoves him into the water.
"My phone!" Like a comedy, he tosses the device at Eunseok, who then catches it and runs off before Sora can unleash her wrath on him too, and once more Seunghan is being decked head to toe in cool chlorinated water.
It feels nice , but he'd rather not drown, thank you very much.
"Wonbin, my lovely lil bro. Help me up, it's slippery," Sungchan begs as he swims to the edge of the pool, arms outstretched.
Once again Seunghan is ignored, but he tells himself it isn't purposeful. This has happened for many years, and being a part of such a large family would lead to someone being left out sometimes.
And, Seunghan's pretty good at taking care of himself. He's the responsible older brother and the reliable second son. The one who's good at letting things slide and making others think he's okay. The one who is okay.
So Seunghan just smiles, wades next to Sungchan, only to pause when a hand stops in front of him. He looks up, meeting Wonbin's face.
"Come on, Seunghan," Wonbin tells him, and damn it, Seunghan's heart skips a beat.
"What about me?" Sungchan asks.
"You can swim, bitch," Wonbin says, glaring at him. "So swim."
"Once again, I question if we're even related to each other." Regardless, Sungchan gets himself out before long. "M'gonna get the towels. No smooching while I'm away."
It's a fucking joke -- just like the others Sungchan often cracks without so much as a second thought, and yet Seunghan's pulse quickens. He wills himself not to freak out to the highest capacity.
Don't act weird, he repeats to himself over and over as Wonbin grips his hand and yanks him over the pool's edge. They collide, chest to chest and fingers still entwined, and the heat from Wonbin's touch swelters intensely. Seunghan can't take it, but he doesn't wanna let go.
He does, however, when Wonbin's deep brown eyes search his face, questioning embedded in them.
"You good?" Wonbin asks, taking a step back as well. He's smirking too, that amused quirk of his lips that drives Seunghan crazy whenever he sees it. "You kinda zoned out on me there."
It's another summer, and still, Seunghan is entangled deep in the neverending maze that is Park Wonbin.
Seunghan fakes his smirk, before rubbing Wonbin's head. His heart's throbbing a mile a minute, so he resorts to doing something he knows will distract the boy in front of him. "I think you're fuckin' crazy."
Wonbin grimaces, a thing he always did when Seunghan used to ruffle up his hair the same way when they'd been wide-eyed kids. "You better stop."
Seunghan laughs, even though a shiver's starting to make its way up his frame. He's happy, and that's just because Wonbin is there. Maybe that's why he then pats down the older boy's hair, before pushing a wayward strand behind his ear.
Everything appears to slow to a standstill the moment Wonbin's eyes lock with his, Wonbin's bemusement easing into something stoic. Unreadable.
His eyes do that brief ' searching ' thing once more, and Seunghan can only stand there, arms around himself as he shudders, wondering what it means.
"I brought the towels!" It's Sungchan, waving them wildly.
Wonbin drops his gaze, and suddenly he's back to his teasing, smirking self. He spares Seunghan but a glance as he grabs the towels, and Seunghan thinks maybe it would've been better if he'd just left him in that pool.
* * *
Night eventually encroaches on the Park vacation home, and with it comes shining fireflies, Ms. Park's famous (and delicious) lasagna and vivacious chatter intermingled with TV sounds echoing from the living room.
An hour later Sora camps on the sofa with the moms in tow, ready to watch a movie for the night. Sungchan and Eunseok are already racing up the spiralling staircase into Sungchan's bedroom, ready to indulge in his PS5.
Wonbin's nowhere to be seen, and Seunghan kinda hates how he's always super aware of the older's whereabouts, but he also knows at this point that it can't be helped.
"Seunghan, honey, wanna join us for our first night movie night?" Mrs. Hong asks from the sofa, the rollers in her hair making her look like she just stepped out from the 50's. "You used to join us every time when you were younger. You loved doing whatever we were doing."
She's right. Seunghan was a mama's boy, which was more evident when he was a little kid and followed his mom and Ms. Park around the house even when the dads came over to hang out.
"Yeah, you did," Ms. Park adds, her nod so Wonbin-like it just increases Seunghan's need in finding the male. "You and Wonbin. Where is he, by the way?"
"Probably by the pool, screaming into the void like the emo he is," Sora says, popping some buttered popcorn into her mouth.
"Hey!" Seunghan glares at his sister. She just shrugs.
Ms. Park smiles at him, knowing fully well how fond Seunghan is of her youngest son. "Go look for him, will ya? You guys can go hang out. We ladies are gonna have our long overdue girls' night."
" Please don't make me change my mind, you guys," Sora threatens, though she's all cuddled up with the moms with curlers in her hair too, cheeks all puffed up with popcorn.
"Have fun," Seunghan tells them, before slipping out the backdoor. He zips up his hoodie (because summer nights in this town tend to be pretty cold), and strolls over to the backyard where the pool lies.
The water's nearly luminescent under the moonlight, so blue it almost feels as though Seunghan is looking at a live painting at first. But when he catches sight of the silhouette lingering at the corner, their legs dangling over the edge, Seunghan definitely feels like he's witnessing something unreal.
Like Seunghan's presence was felt, Wonbin looks up, the pool's silvery shimmer reflecting off his features. And he looks... peaceful . Like he can't be bothered. His black hair looks even darker here, long and soft and falling around his face in loose waves.
He looks like a dream.
Seunghan isn't one to idolize people. He had a kpop phase back in like, middle school but grew out of it quickly when people looked at him weird for it. But it's hard not to put Wonbin on some sort of pedestal, even when Seunghan knows how wrong it is.
Wonbin's wearing his signature flannel shirt again, his dark shorts riding up toned, tanned thighs that are the results of years being his school's star track athlete and --
Seunghan's breath hitches, and he looks away, hoping he wasn't caught staring.
"Hey, Hong Seunghan," Wonbin calls out, lips curled to form that smirk again, the one where his gums show and all. God, he looks like such a douche whenever he pulls that face, but he also looks a little too good that it sends Seunghan's heart fluttering. "What are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you." Seunghan hates how he can't lie whenever it comes to Park Wonbin.
Wonbin tilts his head to the side. "Looking for me?"
"Yeah." Seunghan steps closer, unable to stay still. It's cold as balls out here, and the magnetic pull that draws him to Wonbin is even stronger , especially with the older looking at him like that. "After we were done eating, you just vanished."
"So you were worried, huh," Wonbin concludes, head still tilted, eyes still trained entirely on Seunghan's frame.
Seunghan sits next to him and runs a hand through his hair. Their shoulders are inches away from brushing, so close yet so far. "Don't get your hopes up. I had to do a head count to even notice you weren't there."
It's a lie and they both know it. Seunghan forces down the way his stomach flip-flops when Wonbin gently shoves his rib.
"Nah. You love me."
Seunghan bites his lip. The goosebumps erupting over his arms aren't from the cold this time around.
It's another summer, and the realization isn't one that's any easier to come to terms with. It just gets easier to feel.
"D'you remember when we were ten and got in this swimming pool for the first time?" Wonbin reminisces, lost in thought. His profile's lit up by the glowing pool, and Seunghan takes that time to watch him. "I dunno, I think you lied about saying you could swim so you could join me, and I got in trouble for that."
The memory plays itself in Seunghan's mind, his dumb kid self trailing after Wonbin into the pool just 'cause the older wanted to swim, and miscalculating just how deep the water was going to be.
He chuckles, which earns him a playful glare from Wonbin. "What?"
"You nearly drowned on me, dumbass," Wonbin replies. "I got scared shitless. Thought you were going to fuckin' die."
I got scared shitless . Seunghan's chest warms up. He smiles. "But I didn't. I was fine."
"Because you clung to me like a life jacket," Wonbin teases.
Seunghan's ears redden as he stares at his lap. "Yeah. Guess I did."
Seunghan doesn't need to tell Wonbin that maybe he liked hanging out with him so much back then because, with the older, he didn't feel like an afterthought. Even when Wonbin treated him like shit a lot of the time, with him, Seunghan felt like he was his favourite.
The water glistens below them, like it's made out of crystals. And Seunghan's back to thinking this is entirely unreal. The surrealness increases at the warm hand on his exposed thigh, and he falters, his heart slowing to a stop beneath his ribcage.
"Hannie," Wonbin says in a voice that can only be described as genuinely serious. "Thank you."
Seunghan freezes, blinks, breath caught in his throat. "For what?"
"I...I know I've been majorly a dick to you for most of our time spent here together, and yet you continued to treat me well despite all of this. And when dad died, you were always there for me -- even when I was stubborn and tried to push you away..." Wonbin answers, palm still steady and sturdy on Seunghan's thigh. It burns, but it burns so good .
"I mean," Seunghan clears his throat. Pretends Wonbin's touch alone isn't driving him insane. "We were kids. And kids are assholes a lot of the time, so."
"Well, can't argue with that," Wonbin laughs, and Seunghan can't help but join in too. Then he's staring right into Seunghan's eyes, totally entrapping his being. "But I still wanna apologize."
Seunghan waves him off, feeling lightheaded. "No worries."
"I really mean it, Seunghan," Wonbin presses. "You -- you were basically my best friend back then. And...I can still say you are. You're my best friend, Seunghan."
His words are truthful and carry a lot of weight, weight that sinks Seunghan further into his despair. They serve as the anchor that forever chains Seunghan to the starting point; the cage that tightens around his heart like a vice, unable to let go.
It's another summer, and Seunghan can't remember one where he wasn't irrevocably in love with Park Wonbin.
"Seunghan?"
Seunghan snaps out of his thoughts and back into reality, which all center around the same boy. "Hm?"
"You zoned out on me. Again ," Wonbin accuses, but he's amused, smile gummy and charming and making Seunghan's heart ache. He stands, takes a step back, then pulls off his shirt.
"Ugh, my eyes." Seunghan pretends he's disgusted by what he sees, when in fact he's the furthest from it.
Wonbin is pretty; all broad shoulders, a sculpted torso and toned limbs as he dives into the translucent pool, his moves as smooth and fluid as a fish in water. And Seunghan is content just watching, even though his heart stings and it's still freezing as hell out here.
But maybe that's just Seunghan's role in this universe. Some people are just meant to be bystanders, to linger in the background as they watch others shine. And Wonbin... Wonbin is someone who deserves to be observed in all his glory.
"Seunghan!" Wonbin suddenly calls out, flipping his hair behind his face. He's grinning broadly, shimmering like stardust.
It's another summer, and Seunghan doesn't think he can ever get used to how beautiful Wonbin is.
"Yeah?"
"Get in, asshat!"
Seunghan blinks in shock, pointing to himself. "W-What? Me ?"
" Yes , you," Wonbin says, floating closer till he gets to the younger's feet. He peers up at him, his eyes bottomless and sensual from this angle. They're so dark . "It's warmer in here. So get in."
It's so stupid. Terribly stupid even, because Seunghan knows close proximity with Park Wonbin only leads to tumultuous emotions and a bruised heart down the road. And everyone knows Wonbin definitely gets off on impulsivity and partaking in things he later regrets. And yet, Seunghan finds himself zipping down his hoodie but leaving his shirt on, before stepping into the pool.
The pool is massive, almost stretching over the entire yard, but all Seunghan can see, feel and breathe is Wonbin.
It doesn't help how close the older is too, just inches away and shirtless, the water glinting off his skin. Seunghan wants to trace his fingers over him, wants to commit every part of Wonbin all to memory.
When he looks up, he catches Wonbin's gaze, and the guy has absolutely noticed that he just stared at his chest. Shit .
Seunghan freaks out, eyes landing on Wonbin's folded shirt beside the pool, which has a necklace on it. The necklace.
Wonbin stares while Seunghan absentmindedly continues observing the piece of jewelry. "You keep looking at it. Want it back?"
"What?" Seunghan shakes his head. " No way . You don't take back presents you give. That's like, fucked up behaviour."
"I was just kidding," Wonbin giggles (giggles ). "Plus, it suits me more than you, anyway."
Wonbin's right; that's why Seunghan bought it for him for his fourteenth birthday with some of his allowance money. It was a silver necklace with a star hanging from it, and wasn't that expensive, but Wonbin wore it nearly every single day since.
"I know," Seunghan says, meeting Wonbin's eyes. "I know because I've known you all my life, Wonbin."
Seunghan doesn't mean to make it come out that way, doesn't mean to make his words come out so serious and sentimental. So sad . But they do, and now that they're out in the open, he can't take them back.
Wonbin halts and swallows, his Adam's Apple bobbing. "I know."
It's another summer, and talking to Wonbin sometimes is like navigating a busy street with your eyes closed. Like screaming your lungs out underwater as you eventually drown, with no one to save you.
Seunghan feels his heart skip a beat just as Wonbin cradles his hand in his, entwining their fingers. He rarely does this, so each time he does, it leaves Seunghan breathless.
Seunghan doesn't think he's alive any longer when Wonbin pulls him into a tight hug, head nestled into his shoulder and fingers in his hair.
"I'm glad you're here, Seunghan. I mean -- you're here every year, but I'm happy I get to see you so many times, y'know?" Wonbin whispers. It's almost like he's saying things just for the sake of talking. Like he's trying to stall the inevitable. "I'm happy you're always around."
Seunghan forces himself to nod. He should say something, do something to dispel the awkward tension between them, but the one thing he's always been good at is being a coward.
Wonbin pats down the taller's hair. "You...you make me happy, Seunghan."
Seunghan can't take it anymore. He pulls away, looks Wonbin in the eye. It's terribly hard to inhale, even harder to swallow.
"Do...do you -- " he gulps, the lump in his throat like a solid rock. Do you like me back? Even love me ?
Something clouds over Wonbin's gaze right then. Something deep and profound that sends something like hope sparking in Seunghan's chest.
But, Wonbin's next words have that hope fizzling out like smoke.
"I hope we can stay best friends for a long time, Seunghan."
Seunghan nods. He's back to navigating a busy street with his eyes closed. Back to screaming his lungs out underwater with no one there to save him. "Y-Yeah. Of course."
"Great." Wonbin smiles at him, and it's another summer of wishing that smile meant something more. "Shit, I think I'm gonna head out now. I'm starting to freeze my arse off in here."
Seunghan chuckles, hoping it doesn't sound as pained and heartbroken as he feels. "Tell me about it."
He watches as Wonbin swims to the edge of the pool and gets off, actions effortless as always. He makes everything look so easy , appearing nothing less than stunning in the process.
But now, as he crouches by the pool with his hands in his long hair, he looks upset.
"Wonbin?" Seunghan questions, and maybe he imagined it, because Wonbin's features relax in the next second.
"Here, hold my hand. I'll help you up," Wonbin advises.
Seunghan wants to say no, maybe just to nurse his ripped heart a little, but he knows this isn't Wonbin's fault and the guy can't control how he feels -- just like how he couldn't control how he fell for him.
So Seunghan nods and allows Wonbin to haul him up. Once again, they collide, chest to chest and faces mere centimeters from each other.
Seunghan takes the initiative to pull himself away from Wonbin's grasp, because if he doesn't he might do something he regrets. And Wonbin already doesn't like him like that.
"We should head back inside," Wonbin says, clearing his throat. "Bet they're all wondering what we're up to by now."
Seunghan can only nod, too emotionally exhausted to say anything at the moment.
They grab their things in silence then walk past the pool, side by side and hands brushing slightly on the way. Neither of them pull away, and Seunghan knows he will think about this again and again in his room later tonight.
It's another summer of wanting and yearning for Park Wonbin, but hopefully by the next one, he'll be able to get over him.
(He doesn't think he ever will.)