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Once upon a Fortnitemares Agent Jones (Jump 63) returned to Fortnite Island and metaphorically experienced that scene from Community where he's carrying pizza boxes into a room and finds absolutely everything on fire. And worse, the pizza girl had made the delivery while riding a raptor and was now demanding a tip or there'd be "consequences." Agent Jones did not need further clarification on what those would be.
After settling his tab, he wandered around until he reached Frenzy Fields, figuring the farm POI was usually a safe place to chill and wait out the storm. Instead, he ran into the woman who was once responsible for signing his paychecks and was not able to build a wall fast enough to hide behind. Possibly because he was playing in Zero Build.
Fortunately, Doctor Slone wasn't interested in fighting and in fact invited Agent Jones to her squad since there was an open spot. She introduced him to their squadmates, Nolan Chance and Antonia, and then filled him in on what the latest reality-ending disaster was.
"Time-travelling vampire hotel tycoon?" Agent Jones shook his head. "Do you ever get the feeling that our villains are determined by Mad Libs?"
"I thought that was made clear during the interview," Doctor Slone said. "You had to sign a waiver and everything."
"Look, it was a long time ago," Agent Jones said.
Doctor Slone went on to explain that they were experimenting with a time travel device of their own, reverse-engineered from the one used by the time-travelling vampire hotel tycoon in question, Kado Thorne. After confirming that neither Midas or Jules was involved in its construction, Agent Jones agreed to help, and their machine summoned objects from Chapter 1 in great numbers.
Enough that Agent Jones started to get suspicious. "Slone," he said, "I think we're spawning teasers for the Chapter 1 map returning."
"That's absurd," Doctor Slone said. "We're currently in the middle of a major nostalgia episode. Why would they immediately go for broke next season?"
"Not enough Fortnite Crew subscriptions?"
"If Shimmerdusk gets shilled any more, she'll have to change her name to Mary Sue."
"Look, I'm just saying, the Dusty Diner sign showed up and it's associated with one of the most iconic locations of Chapter 1." At Doctor Slone's confusion, Agent Jones sighed. "Dusty Divot? Big meteor, big boom? You know, back in my day, it was still called Dusty Depot."
"Tilted's clock tower is literally still on this map," Doctor Slone said. She sighed and realized there was only one way to convince Agent Jones that he shouldn't believe everything he reads on the Internet: BY A SONG. And so she used one of her emotes that had a microphone and began to sing to the tune of "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles, featuring Antonia on synth and backup vocals and Nolan Chance on drums.
I heard you won your first match back in June '18
Hiding in a bush waiting for the match to end
If you got shot you'd scream and beg your squad for help
Oh, oh
They got the last kill and you saw that victory sign
Back in the lobby got that sweet win umbrella
But those days are long gone no matter what you think
Oh, oh
There was a countdown
Oh, oh
Then "The End" event
FORTNITE'S OLD MAP IS NOT COMING BACK
FORTNITE'S OLD MAP IS NOT COMING BACK
ROCKETS CAME AND BROKE SPACETIME
And then we had two full days of bullshit downtime
Refreshing Twitter until there were new updates
Then at 4 AM a new map came to stay
Oh, oh
New for the first time
Oh, oh
But not the last time
FORTNITE'S OLD MAP IS NOT COMING BACK
FORTNITE'S OLD MAP IS NOT COMING BACK
SEASONS NEVER STAY THE SAME
YET HATERS STILL WILL CRY "DEAD GAME"
STREAMERS GO AND POST CLICK BAIT
PUT THE BLAME ON S-A-C
As Doctor Slone began to croon "You are a Fortnite OG" to Agent Jones, Nolan Chance suddenly broke into an incredibly disruptive drum solo. Doctor Slone stopped singing, sighed, and glared at him, then at Antonia when she didn't stop with the synth. "What are you doing?"
"I just wanted to get your attention," Nolan Chance said, "because I found this in the lobby notices."
He then held up a picture of the original Battle Bus. Below was a header that read "NOV 3" with text below that reading "It's time to go back..."
Doctor Slone snatched the notice out of his hands and inspected it. "Huh," she said. "I guess Fortnite's old map is coming back."
The end.