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Yunjin and Kazuha have stayed behind to practice a bit longer and perfect a couple moves that weren’t as smooth as the ones of their members. It feels a little different, a little more intimate when it’s just the two of them in this big room, the only sound being that of their exhausted breathing, the sound of their shoes squeaking and the occasional counting out loud and the word ‘again’.
They’re both lying on the floor of their practice room, not panting anymore but their chests are still rising in a slightly faster rhythm than normally, when Kazuha suddenly speaks up. “Unnie” She says, her voice uncharacteristically serious and even slightly nervous. “Mmh?” Yunjin turns her head to be able to look at the younger girl directly, startled when she’s met with a face full of worry and fear. “Hey, are you-“ She doesn’t get to finish voicing her worries when Kazuha cuts in. “Can I tell you something?”
“You’re scaring me, Zuha-yah” It’s meant to lighten the mood but ends up coming out flat. “Of course you can” She then adds, anxiety boiling inside of her as she imagines what terrible thing the younger girl could possibly tell her about. “You know I like girls, right?” The words come out plainly, like it’s not a big deal even though it kind of is, especially in their career path. Kazuha has never said it straight up but she has hinted at it plenty of times and Yunjin believes herself to have a rather good gaydar so it’s not like she’s really surprised.
“Yeah. Are you coming out to me? Or are you confessing your love to me?” Once again her attempt to lighten the atmosphere fails completely, this time met with a cold silence. Once Yunjin realizes her mistake Kazuha already seems uncharacteristically distant, her glare icy and her face void of any of the affection and gentleness it usually has. “Zuha, I didn’t mean it like that” She starts, sitting up as she takes the younger girl’s hand between her own hands. “You know I wouldn’t- I’m not saying that liking girls means you like every girl around you. It was an awful joke, I’m sorry” She really didn’t mean it in the ‘straight girl who thinks every sapphic wants her’ way, especially since she’s neither straight nor an asshole about stuff like that.
“No, that really wasn’t funny at all” Kazuha agrees and attempts to get her hand away from the other girl’s hands but Yunjin desperately holds on to her. “I’m really sorry, I mean it” She’s aware of how desperate she sounds but she needs the girl to know that she truly didn’t have any bad intentions with her words. “Okay” Kazuha eventually says, not trying to get away from the touch of Yunjin anymore and the older girl pulls her in her lap as she lets out a couple more apologizes.
“So, what was this about again?” She eventually asks and Kazuha lets out a small sound before replying. “Yeah, I’m gay. But there’s this thing…I really like girls but sometimes it’s like…I think that maybe I’m not a girl? But I don’t like girls in the way boys do, I like girls how lesbians like girls…but I don’t think I’m a girl” The words come out a little hesitantly and awkwardly and Yunjin gets why: Kazuha is good at speaking korean but gender and sexuality isn’t really stuff you learn in your language lessons at Hybe. She hums thoughtfully to let the younger girl know that she’s heard her and then thinks about how to ask her questions without scaring her off.
“When you think about who you are, you’re not a girl and you’re not a guy?” Kazuha lets out a small “Right”. “Then, maybe, nonbinary ?” Yunjin says the word ‘nonbinary’ in english, not really sure how to properly say it in korean either. “ Nonbinary?” Kazuha mimics her, her eyebrows raising in a way that has no business being so adorable. She gets her phone and searches for the word, her face expression blank as she scrolls through google.
“That’s-“ She audibly gulps, her breathing getting a little louder and more frantic. “That’s it, I think. Nonbinary ” The word comes out in english again and the way Kazuha lets it sound on her tongue is almost like it’s a forbidden word, something she should under no circumstances say out loud. The older girl doesn’t really know how to feel about that. How could it be so terrible, Yunjin thinks a little selfishly. Why does it make it hard for Kazuha to breathe, as if she’s at the doctors and her doctor Huh Yunjin has just diagnosed her with a fatal disease? She’s aware that living in america makes her view several things differently from the people around her, and yet she doesn’t get the fear of not fitting in like that — she has to be discreet about her sexuality of course but it never was something that actually frightened her the way Kazuha’s gender issue seems to scare her. Does that make Yunjin a terrible person? Does it make her a horrible friend?
“Zuha” Yunjin tries to get the younger girl to calm down and is relieved when Kazuha eventually manages to do just that. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing” She assures her, hugging the girl and feeling sympathy as she feels Kazuha still trembling a little. She kisses the top of her head, rubbing circles on her back in a soothing and constant rhythm. “It doesn’t change anything for you?” Kazuha eventually asks, her voice still frightened and fragile. “Not at all” The older girl assures her and gives her a gentle smile when Kazuha makes a little space between them and they’re facing each other.