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"What do you think?" Carina said expectantly, as she stepped from behind the curtain. "Maya?" She said irritated, her girlfriend had a glazed over look to her, like she was far away, eyes closed. Yet she had picked this dress out and begged Carina to try it on. "Bambina," Carina nudged her with her sock covered foot.
Maya blinked and looked at her, momentarily confused before her senses caught up with her, "it looks good."
"Just good?" Carina couldn't help but sense Maya was distracted. She was fidgeting now, moving around in the seat.
"You look beautiful babe, you should get it."
"That's better."
"Sorry, I'm just a little warm," she tugged at the collar of her shirt. She had already taken off her jacket whilst walking around the shop and her jumper whilst waiting for Carina to try things on, "it looks really good, let's buy it."
"Go and wait outside, cool off, sì?" Carina said, already back behind the curtain to change.
"I wanted to buy it for you," Maya wiped her brow, which was slick with sweat.
"Leave me your card, then, go outside bambina."
If Maya hadn't felt so unwell in that moment she would have insisted on staying but in the time they had been wandering around the shop she had suddenly started to feel terrible. So she slid the card under the curtain and promised to meet her outside. "Excuse me?" Maya asked, her stomach had given a painful squeeze that had sent her immediately nauseous. "Yeah?"
"Where's the bathroom." As luck would have it, it was practically right where they were stood so Maya gave a hasty thank you and dashed for it, cursing when none of the stalls were free. She put her hand to her lower stomach, where the pain was and tried to wait patiently. Finally a stall became free and she rushed in. Even though they were in a very nice department store the bathroom wasn't anything to write home about, and as much as she would have been more comfortable Maya didn't want to put the bags down or kneel. So, letting one hand hand limp with the shopping, she leaned over, waiting to be sick. But nothing happened. She gagged loudly, sure this would be it, stomach really hurting now, sweat pouring from her head but nothing. After five minutes of nothing she gave up, turning to pee instead. She hovered, not trusting the toilet seat and took some deep breaths. Once she was done, she took a moment to hold her stomach again, which was just as painful as it had been before. She looked down it it but it looked okay, not that anything would really indicate from the outside if something was wrong. She fastened her trousers back up, swapped her coat and jumper back to her free hand and exited the cubicle. The bag rested on her feet as she washed her hands and splashed a little water over her face and the back of her neck.
It had been well over five minutes so Maya didn't have long to wait outside before Carina appeared, card and newly purchased dress in hand. "Okay?" She asked, Maya was sat on a bench with her eyes closed again. Maya suppressed a burp and nodded, "Yeah, sorry babe, just got a bit warm," she wafted her t-shirt again, "all good? Did you get it?" She held her hand out for the bag.
"Yeah," Carina looked at Maya, both confusion and concern in her face, "are you okay?" She noted that Maya both looked both flushed and pale, her lips several shades lighter than her cheeks.
"Abso-lutely," it was a little too chipper but Carina decided not to push, Maya would tell her if there was something wrong. "Where next, babe?" She stood, ignoring the pain in her stomach as she did, suppressing another burp.
"Do you want anything?"
She did, but now she wasn't feeling so good she shook her head, her shopping could wait for her to feel better.
"I think we should go to that perfume place for my gucci and then find somewhere for lunch before we go home?" Carina said, testing the waters to see if Maya would push back. But her beautiful wife just nodded and took her hand. "Are you not cold?" She asked, as they walked along brushing her hand along Maya's bare arm.
"Just fine," Maya was appreciative of the cool Seattle air, it had somewhat lessened her nausea and was working on reducing the sweating from what Maya thought was probably a fever.
"Okay."
Evidently, smelling perfumes in a quiet, already heavily perfumed place was not something you should do with a stomach ache and reoccurring bouts of nausea. It was really hard to concentrate on what Carina was having her smell and she felt a little bad when she said, shaking hand pushing hair off her forehead, "whatever you want babe." Carina had frowned at her at this and asked again, as the store colleague opened another cabinet for her, "everything okay?"
Maya nodded then thinking on her feet, and also sort of telling the truth, "sorry, all of the smells have given me a headache." Carina looked at her concerned, and nodded, "you wait outside, I'm probably just going to go for my usual anyway and Debbie here can help." Maya nodded, pulled out her card again and made a swift exit. Sure she did have the beginnings of a headache from being in there but the smells had turned her stomach even more. She dipped out of view of the window and leaned against a wall, only free hand holding onto her stomach again, sure she was going to be sick. But again nothing happened except the pain in her stomach ramping up and more beads of sweat forming.
She knew she should just tell Carina she had started feeling unwell and had a sore belly but it was embarrassing. She was 32 with a sore tummy. Carina would pity her and then she would make them go home, or maybe even to hospital and Maya didn't want either. This was the first day Carina had felt any good since Andrew had died and Maya wanted to spoil her, not spoil the day. Maya also didn't want Carina checking her over. Firstly it was also embarrassing, Carina always did it and she just felt like she was a patient. Not a girlfriend. Having Carina examine her would ruin some of the magic of their relationship. The magic they had just started to regain.
No she would have to deal with it.
No sick came so she eventually turned and leaned against the wall with her back, eyes closed again. Carina found her this way and pouted, squeezing her shoulder. "Hey," Maya pecked her quickly, "did you get something?"
"Yeah, I changed it because my usual, it just," she trailed off, Maya pecked her again, "I'm sorry you don't feel good."
"What, no, babe, no I feel fine, just a little too intense in there."
"Sure?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Okay, well I decided I don't fancy anything from around here so maybe we can just go home?"
"Are you sure babe? What about Spencer's you didn't want to try that?" Maya was torturing herself but Carina came above her needs every time. She could be ill and deflect anywhere. And she was staring to wonder if it was all in her head considering she hadn't even been sick yet, despite fully giving herself permission.
"I suppose I did, but you don't feel good."
"Honey," Maya cupped her cheek, "honestly I'm okay. Tiny headache, its practically gone."
"Sure?" She said again, she had felt the heat radiating off Maya from their two short kisses. Maya nodded, bushed her thumb along her cheek bone and then took her hand, adding the perfume bag to the collection of others. "Okay but I want to actually go somewhere else, not Spencer's."
"Lead the way, beautiful!"
Carina took them to a little Italian bistro that Andrea had insisted she try on her first visit to him in Seattle. It reminded her of him and home. She slotted herself and Maya into the booth that he had picked the first time and felt a surge of emotions that shouldn't have been surprised by, but she was and she turned into Maya. She let out a choked sob burying her face into Maya's neck, until she paused. "Maya?" She sniffed and pulled back, putting her hand straight on Maya's forehead, "oh my god Maya, you're really warm. You have a fever."
"No, its okay, are you okay, you just started crying."
"Andrea and I used to go here, what's wrong? Is it your head?"
"Honestly, I'm okay," Maya held her face and kissed her softly, "do you want to talk about Andrew?" Tummy aches and nausea and no appetite could just be forgotten about whilst she comforted her wife. She had done the only thing she didn't want to do ever, but particularly today, and interrupted Carina's healing. Carina had obviously brought them here for a reason. And that was not to look after an ill girlfriend.
"No, I want to look after my sick girlfriend, so, what's sick, your head?" She put her hand on Maya's head, "your tummy?" She moved it to Maya's stomach and nodded when Maya let out an involuntary hiss of pain as she lightly pressed.
"Car."
"Mnh-mnh, no, come on," she pulled Maya up without waiting for her argument.
"Baby-" Carina prodded her sharply in the stomach, interuptibg her and inducing a wave of nausea that had her leaned over hands on knees.
"Idiota," Carina mumbled, putting her hand on Maya's upper back.
"Keys," Carina held out her hand as they approached Maya's car, the blonde momentarily recovered from the nausea.
"Car, come on-"
"Maya Bishop, so help me, hand me the keys now," she waited, one hand on her hip, one facing palm up, expectant. Maya huffed and handed her them, climbing into her car. They had been using it between them since Andrew had died, Carina struggling to use her own as it had been one of the last places she had been with Andrew. A new car had been ordered but there were delays and Carina hadn't wanted to fo back to driving her old one.
"You need to tell me when you don't feel good." Carina sighed, sounding exasperated.
"Its embarrassing," Maya mumbled, as she slumped a little in the seat, partly to try and find a comfortable position, the other to hide a little. Her face was flushed with embarrassment now too, at Carina finding out she had a sore stomach.
"Its not," it came out with another sigh, which made Maya feel like Carina was embarrassed by her too. She turned away a little as she unbuttoned her jeans and tried to find a comfortable position. As Carina turned the car on she reached over and rubbed gently the smooth skin under Maya's belly button, "It's really not, people get sick," she repeated, all exasperation gone, "let's get you to bed, hmm?"
"I'm okay."
"Uh-huh?" Carina decided not to argue, pulling out of the space, glad Maya's place was only a ten minute drive away. Well it was their place now, and had been for a couple of very difficult months.
"Bed," Carina pointed at the bedroom as she opened the door.
"Honey-"
"Bed or sofa."
"I'm fine, it's just my period." That was less embarrassing than a tummy ache and a temperature.
"Nope, that was last week, please Maya? Just let me check you over."
"Nope."
"Maya," Carina whined.
"I don't need you to examine me, it's a stomach bug or something, I promise," but she sat down at the stern look on Carina's face, choosing the sofa.
"Feet up. Stay." If Maya hadn't been feeling both ill and annoyed she might have joked about not being a dog. But she was pissed at her body for falling ill on that day and annoyed at Carina for finding out. And really she just wasn't feeling very good.
Carina momentarily disappeared and returned with a large plastic tub which she set on the floor next to Maya, a little more forcefully than entirely necessary. Maya jumped a little, keeping her eyes closed. Carina took a deep breath and exhaled the anger, Maya was triggered. She'd said she was embarrassed multiple times and hid most of the car journey home. Anger and annoyance was not the way to approach this, Carina knew. Her dad had probably approached every illness she had with anger. And it had obviously instilled a feeling of embarrassment associated with being cared for when sick. "I'm sorry," Carina whispered, embarrassed and resistive was just what Maya's maladjusted brain reverted to. She ran her hand through Maya's hair and gently stroked her cheek with the back of her finger. "You'll feel better," she knew Maya was hating this.
"I should be caring for you-"
"You have been, so amazingly, and now it's my turn," Carina explained, taking the thermometer from her box, placing it in Maya's ear. She noted the number and placed her fingers on Maya's wrist, turning her other to look at the watch she always had on. She counted the beats under her fingers and did some quick maths, as she looked into the box. She didn't actually know what was wrong with Maya, other than a sore stomach and some nausea. But she didn't want to ask so just decided having a good check of her girlfriend's stomach was a good plan. She made to roll up Maya's top when the blonde clamped her hand on her wrist and looked at her. "Don't."
"Don't what?"
"I don't want you to feel or press or whatever to my belly."
"Why? Is it hurting that bad?" Maybe they would have to go to the hospital after all.
"I'm not one of your patients, it's embarrassing."
"I know you're not, I just want to check you over. I'd do this to Andrea when his stomach hurt all the time. Even when he was thirty." Carina explained, smiling at the memory, "I do it to my own tummy when it hurts."
"I feel like a child."
"I'm sorry, I'll use big words," Carina didn't really know how to help, "you just tell me what I can do."
"You can do what you were going to." She said after a minute, closing her eyes again, like she was bracing herself for something.
"Allora, I'm lifting up your top, and first I just look," Carina explained, deciding describing everything was better to do, "it looks okay, no ecchymosis, no evidence of trauma. No previous scars. No apparent distension or bloating. Next I listen." Carina disappeared and returned with her stethoscope from her work bag. She gently listen across Maya's stomach, "a little more loud and a little faster than if you were feeling well but we expect that with a tummy- sorry, with abdominal discomfort."
"Can I listen?"
"Sure," she put the stethoscope in Maya's ears, guiding Maya's hand with the diaphragm across her stomach, "you want to compare to mine? I'm a little hungry so it might rumble up here," she rubbed below her ribs, "and I'll have fewer because I haven't eaten in a while."
"I'm embarrassed by how loud mine was," Maya admitted, taking the stethoscope out of her ears, after listening to Carina's practically quietly stomach.
"Well you don't feel good and the sick is in your stomach."
"Can you press gently?" Maya knew what was coming next.
"Absolutely, is the pain anywhere specific?"
"My lower tummy."
"I see, in your hypogastric," she traced lightly under Maya's belly button, where her boxer shorts hit, "and inguinal regions. I'll start up here, away from them, and I'll stop if it's hurting."
Maya nodded. "Don't tense," Carina said, feeling nothing but her girlfriend's engaged abs under hand.
"I can't not."
"Because it hurts?"
"Because I have squishy bits," Maya mumbled, rolling onto her side, away from Carina. It had been one of her biggest insecurities growing up. Her dad had always pointed it out. As she had got older her track outfits had become more streamlined for efficiency and speed and with it her stomach had become more on view. And no matter how much conditioning she did her lower stomach would always stick out just a little. And always her dad would have something to say. The worse being he could see her lunch. And since she had always had that insecurity in the back of her mind, alongside his words. Carina took Maya's hand and put it on her stomach, moving it up and down against her skin so it jiggled a little, "same. Most of it is my uterus."
Maya rolled over and took Carina's hand to her stomach, focusing on relaxing as much as she stood. Humming to block out her dad.
"I feel really sick," Maya admitted as Carina pressed away, pleased there was nothing concerning apart from some lower stomach pain, which was to be expected if Maya had picked up something.
"And have you been sick?" Carina circled her hand gently once she was done assessing. Maya shook her head no and explained how she had nearly been sick a few times to no avail. She asked Maya a few more questions before confirming it just seemed to be a stomach virus and a few days rest would have her feeling better. Carina rubbed a little menthol balm on Maya's temples for the headache her girlfriend had admitted to having and disappeared to get some painkillers from their bathroom cabinet.
"I'm sorry," Maya hid her face in her hands as Carina returned to find her stood up, a pool of sick at her feed.
"Its okay, nothing to worry about. You can't control it bambina."
"But I could have, I'll clean it up."
"No, no," Carina was firm, "no I'll do it."
"I don't want you to. Its embarrassing. I couldn't even make it to the bathroom."
"It happens to the best of us, and hey now maybe the sickness will start to ease up."
"Its on my top."
"We can wash it."
Maya nodded then clamped her hands over her mouth, as she was unfortunately sick again, "I got it on you," she said, panting. Before Carina could tell her it was okay she had run away. Carina peeled her top off and dropped it on the floor before following. "Maya?" She tried the bathroom door, finding it was locked. "Open the door bambina."
"I vomited on you."
"You're not feeling good, let me in."
"I can't."
"Please don't feel embarrassed, it happens, we get sick and we can't control when it happens." There was an extended period of silence in which Carina waited, hoping poor triggered Maya would see sense and let her in.
"Carina?"
"Yeah?"
"I need you to go away."
"Bambina."
"I'm sick from the other end." It was so quiet Carina had to strain to hear it.
Carina nodded, she thought this might happen. In fact she was expecting it over Maya vomiting, with the location of the pain. "I will go and clear up. All of this is normal and it happens. Do you want me to leave you a change of clothes?"
"Don't clear up."
"Okay," Carina decided agreeing with sick Maya was easier. She pulled out a pair of pyjamas for her girlfriend and placed them next to the bathroom door, as she knocked, "some nice clean clothes outside, bambina." She wanted to tell her to shout if she needed anything but Carina knew she wouldn't. She left, turning her attention to cleaning, glad her girlfriend was such a clean freak because she found everything she needed in a matter of seconds. She tidied it up, put the thermometer and a bowl next to the bed and tried Maya again, "bambina?"
"I unlocked it."
The clothes had gone and Carina entered to find her curled up on the tile, half dressed. Carina silently finished the task and encouraged her off the floor, holding her tightly in a hug. "You don't need to be embarrassed, you taught me that. Over these last few weeks you have looked after me so well and kissed me when I was snotty and gross. There's no room for embarrassment in this relationship, just love. You got sick, it happens, you got triggered, also happens. Has happened a lot to me recently. I promise there is no judgement happening so no embarrassment needs to happen either. But I understand it does so I promise to help you feel both better and not embarrassed, sì?" She had guided Maya to the bed and tucked her in as she talked.
"You actually got your snot on me."
"Exactly," Carina smiled, wiping Maya's tears, "do you at least feel a little better?"
"My tummy hurts less."
"Good. And you know what's so great about being sick?"
"What?"
"You're very sexy, very in love Italian girlfriend will cuddle you so much you'll think I'll never let go."
"Does she rub bellies too? You know to make them feel better?"
"She absolutely does," Carina said and climbed into bed behind her, gently circling her hand on Maya's stomach as she drifted off. "È imbarazzante quanto ti amo," Carina whispered, letting herself find sleep too, still needing to catch up after all of her grief filled sleepless night.