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Carina wasn't very well. And it was Maya who recognised it. She had woken up with every intention of going on a run, the sun shining in through the Loughton curtains in their room when she heard her wife snoring. And one thing Maya knew, her wife didn't snore. So either she wasn't sleeping next to her wife or her wife had got a cold. This was further confirmed when Maya put her hand on Carina's head and found an abnormal amount of heat radiating from it. Couple it with a cough every so often and Maya knew she had a sick wife. So she forewent the run in favour of waiting for Carina to wake up.
"Maya," Carina burst into tears as soon as she woke up. Maya was right there, had been right there the entire time, which was almost two hours since she woke up.
"Its okay, you're not feeling good, I've got you." She reassured, combing Carina's hair back.
"Migraine. Feel sick."
"Okay, alright," Maya rubbed her back for a few seconds and then got up, "I'm going to get you some medicine."
"Check," Carina cleared her throat wincing in pain, "check I can have it."
"Check if you ca-"
"With the baby," Carina said simply.
"I forgot the rules change when you're pregnant, okay, I'll work it out," Maya hadn't forgotten that Carina was pregnant by any stretch, her hand had been on her wife's stomach, over the baby, the whole time she was waiting for Carina to wake up. What she hadn't clocked was that making Carina feel better, with the usual medicines, would be complicated by their tiny growing human.
Deep down Carina knew that there wasn't going to be a lot of things she could have but when Maya returned, hiding boxes in her hands with a frown, she felt herself wanting to, starting to, cry again. "Ibuprofen," Maya perched on the bed, "is a no."
"Mmhmm," Carina was trying her best to be brave about it, but her head was pounding and ibuprofen sometimes helped.
"Acetaminophen, yes okay, says just fine, and on here too," Maya had the national drug formulary open on her phone, "not known to be harmful. Great," she popped two tablets out and put them on the bedside table.
"Migralieve, not even going to look at, that has codeine. Er," she threw that one on the foor with ibuprofen, "the big one," Maya held up the auto-injector that was full of sumatriptin, her migraine medication as she read the information from the formulary, "manufacturers advise due to lack of research surrounding 5HT1 receptors in pregnancy that it should not be used unless deemed that the risk outweighs the benefit. So no?"
Carina rubbed her eyes, "no."
"Okay, uh, peptobismol," she scanned the bottle, "do not use if you are pregnant or breastfeeding. Shit, sorry babe."
"Its okay," Carina rubbed up and down Maya's leg, "if it gets worse we can call Jo."
"Okay, and for now we'll just holistically manage it," she said, passing the only tablets Carina could have over, "how's my little baby doing?" She put her hand on the duvet over Carina's stomach.
The brunette pulled the covers back and lifted her top, pulling Maya's hand back down, "I don't know, I haven't felt them move yet. But I'm a bit sickly from them. And I got up twice for a pee."
"Is your nausea from the migraine or the baby?" She asked, rubbing Carina's almost non-existent bump with her thumb.
"Hard to tell."
"Okay, uh, do you have a tummy ache?"
"No, its fine, just my head and my chest, I feel so congested and my throat is hurting and I can feel its going to sit on my chest," she answered, Maya having all of the information would help her better look after her.
"Oh throat spray," she disappeared and returned, "nope," she threw it on the floor with the other discarded things in a very un-Maya fashion, "they need to invent more things for pregnant people to have when they have the flu or a cold or whatever, its ridiculous. You get sick too."
Carina smiled and squeezed her wife's hand, "it's fine, Mai, just get me an ice pack and let's cuddle in bed. And an eye mask."
"Right, yeah," Maya opened her bedside drawer and found a mask so Carina wouldn't have to cover her eyes as the day got brighter, her photosensitivity was always bad with her migraines. She found the icepack and wrapped it in a t-shirt before wondering of vaporub would be okay so she went and found their tub and looked over the box. "Babe," she whispered, returning with it still in hand, "what about vaporub? It says consult a doctor or pharmacist."
"Yes, just a little bit," Maya nodded, though Carina couldn't see her and rubbed some on Carina's chest but put more on her own, Carina would be cuddled up most of the day and there was no limit to the amount she could have. Feeling happy they had finally found something that would help, Maya climbed into bed, waited for Carina to cuddle up and put the ice pack on Carina's forehead. Carina gave a shiver before humming in pleasure. "Thank you, bambina." Maya just kissed her cheek and settled in, massaging Carina's scalp. She knew this wouldn't really help with the pain but at least it was something comforting she could do.
Maya could have cursed whoever it was who called her as well as herself for not silencing her phone, when it rang about an hour later. She moved Carina out of her grip, as she reduced the volume and answered it as she was leaving their room, "Bishop speaking."
"Mai, there's a three alarm downtown, 19 are being called in. You didn't answer are you on your way?" It was Andy, calling from her private work number.
"What?" Maya pulled her phone back wondering how she hadn't seen the messages. Then she remembered she hadn't even checked her phone that morning because her wife had been ill. "Shit, sorry Andy, Carina's- I didn't even notice the messages. I'll be ten minutes."
"We'll wait."
"Thank you."
Maya ran back into the bedroom to kiss Carina goodbye, she would be going in her pyjamas to increase efficiency.
"You have to go?" Carina croaked, halting Maya in her tracks.
"I'm so sorry babe, there's been a fire."
"Go, it's okay."
Maya kissed her head, "sleep tight, you'll feel better," Maya then leaned down and pulled back the duvet momentarily and kissed Carina's stomach, "Bye baby, stay cozy in there."
"Be safe."
"I will, love you."
"Love you too," Carina croaked, splinting her throat with her hands. She heard the front door slam shut and burst into tears. She hated this bit of Maya's job the most. Today there was a layer of selfishness to the hate because it had woken her up and taken Maya's cuddling away from her. And particularly now she was pregnant there was another layer of concern that if the worst happened she would have to do this all alone. But Maya would be safe, especially with the baby on its way, Maya would come home to them, she always did, there was nothing to suggest otherwise. "non preoccuparti tesoro, la Mommy tornerà a casa. Prima sarà semplicemente un'eroina." She said hands on her stomach, reassuring herself as much as the tiny baby who had no idea their Mommy had just gone into certain danger.
[Don't worry darling, Mommy will come home. She just has to be a hero first.]
Three alarm fires shouldn't be chaos, but this one appeared to be. The commanding officer was doing a good job but there seemed to be some captains who were poor at organising their teams. That was Maya's estimation anyway, as she triaged patients leaving the building, some carried by her colleagues, some walking, some already on waiting stretchers. She was grateful 19 had been given control of casualty clearing, staying as far away from the fire as possible was what she wanted today. She was a great paramedic. And particularly good at coordinating things.
"Name, date of birth," she asked a patient who was hobbling out. She scribbled them on the card, noted them on the chart she had made and said, "green," as she looped it around his neck and waved him over to Vic and Travis.
"Hey bubba," she cooed at a little one who could be no older than one in the arms of a firefighter.
"I gotta get back in there."
"Come here," Maya rested them on her hip and scribbled Jon doe and the time he was found. She looked him over for injuries before carrying him over to Vic, "this is Vic, she's so nice," she explained, trying to hand him over but he was clinging tightly to her, "hey its okay, it's okay bubba, Vic's gotcha and she'll find Mommy."
"Come on buddy."
Maya smiled when he leaned over and looped his arms around Vic, "he's p3, assess airway then uh see if you can set up an area for alone children with a couple of friendly looking ones." She nodded at her fellow firefighters.
"Got it."
Maya rushed back to her spot and instructed a few more people before yet another potentially orphaned child was brought out to her. She dealt with it and then couldn't stop thinking, as she continued to work, how she hoped their child was never in a situation like this. It made her feel sick and it made her want to wrap their baby in fireproof bubble wrap from the day they were born. The whole time she was working Maya could see herself or Carina or their baby in the victims of this horrible tragedy. She just wanted to get back to them. To hold them tight and never let go.
To triple check the fire alarms.
Carina knew she shouldn't. Knew it would worsen her migraine and increase her anxiety but she couldn't sleep for wondering. Mainly about how much danger her wife was in right now. She turned on the news as soon as she made it to the sofa, comforter in tow. Flicking from the Italian channel Maya had brought her one birthday back to the local TV and then the news channel.
She immediately saw the burning building from above and red firetrucks everywhere. There was someone chattering in the background updating the situation. Multiple casualties. Reported fatalities including an emergency personel. Carina felt the bile rising. Hurried her pace to the bathroom and threw up. Baby, flu or anxiety she wasn't sure but it hadn't been a pleasant experience on her stomach or throat. Her throat burned as she sat back trying her hardest not to think about the dead firefighter being Maya. Carina knew there was no point but she sent Maya a text asking how it was going, hoping to get some communication that the worse hadn't happened.
Eventually she traipsed back to the sofa, eye mask back on, tears freely streaming down her face. She listened closely as someone narrated everything that was happening, holding the firefighter teddy she had stolen from above Maya's turnout locker. It only came out when Maya was in danger. And Maya was definitely in danger now by the sounds of the narration. Her stomach squeezed like it wanted to be sick again but she resisted, needing to focus all her energy at listening to what was happening.
"... speaking of casualties Mitt Monethue is on the ground at the casualty clearing area where injured residents and firefighters alike are being treated. Mitt."
"Thanks Laurie. Yes I'm here at what the emergency services are calling the casualty clearing area and it's chaos. Every two minutes an ambulance arrives and the next patient is carted off to one of the three Seattle hospitals. In fact we can see one now, if you just-"
"Hey-" Carina sprung up. "-hey don't film them. Get away. Don't do that. Don't film them. You're not supposed to be here this is a closed scene. Get away. Don't film them. Stop." Carina let out a sob as she saw Maya, her Maya shooing the film crew away, body blocking them from filming, "get away." Carina laughed, and then sobbed some more, filled with utter relief at the sight of her wife. "Would you like to give a statement, er, lieutenant Bishop." Carina saw the camera focus in on her wife's chest and the badge there.
"No, this is a closed scene get away. Let people be in pain and greive the loss of their house and possessions, the loss of loved ones in peace. You're not welcome here, get out before I have you arrested for obstructing an emergency service."
Carina didn't need to see anymore, Maya looked well and appeared to be out of harms way and protecting her patients from the media. She shut off the telly, grinning at what she had witnessed and curled back up, hoping she'd finally be able to get a little bit of rest now she knew Maya was okay. Now she knew Maya would be coming home.
"Herrera, am I needed?" Maya asked, desperate to get back to Carina.
"Uhm."
"Look," she stepped closer to Andy, dipping her volume, "Carina's pregnant," if Andy was surprised she did a good job of controling it, "and she's come down with like a cold flu thing and she has a migraine, she's just sick, and I would like to get back and check on her if I'm not absolutely necessary here." They had cleared the last patient about twenty minutes ago and she had been helping with clean up since. The building had unfortunately collapsed but was mostly out and it appeared like further away stations were being stood down, firefighters making their way back to vehicles looking exhausted and particularly care warn.
"Yeah, go, it's okay. And Maya, congratulations," Andy said, pulling Maya in for a hug before her friend could dart off, "you're already a great mom."
"Thanks, see you," Maya said and started jogging away. She was at least 6 miles from home, and as much as she could run that easily, getting a cab would be faster. She made it out of the dispersal zone and hailed one down as soon as she could.
"You smell so bad," Carina mumbled, as Maya kissed her forehead, rousing her from her patial sleep.
"Hello to you too."
"No it's making me ill."
"Oh," Maya took several steps back, lifting her top to her nose. She didn't think she smelled too bad, there was a lingering smell of smoke maybe but nothing Carina would outwardly complain about usually.
"Hightened sense of smell," Carina reminded her, "and nausea," she added, throwing up into the bowl she had fetched herself at some point, "and the flu."
"Sorry, babe," Maya said, resisting coming any closer even though she wanted to pat Carina’s back.
"Go shower?" She asked, laying back down.
"Yeah. Okay. Sorry, again."
"Better?" Maya asked, dipping down to kiss Carina.
"Much. Thank you."
"And how about you two, are you feeling any better?"
"Not really, I've slept about an hour. Thrown up three times including the one from before. Had hot sweats and then shivers. Migraine is just as bad. Throat is terrible. My sinuses are full," she felt her face, "I have the cough now."
"Okay," Maya sighed, she had been gone nearly 7 hours and Carina seemed to be worse which was not what she had hoped. "I called Jo."
"When?"
"In the cab on the way home. Good news is she said you can have your injection."
"I can?"
"Mm-hmm but you'll have to be observed at OB for a few hours."
"Okay."
"She also said she can prescribe some pregnancy safe things. And I don't think that would be a bad idea. At all." Maya had been thinking it through in the shower, and all day actually in the brief pauses, how she could best help Carina feel better. It had all boiled down to getting back home and now she was back, it was time to ask for some help.
"I don't want to go to hospital," Carina mumbled.
"But if you feel better?"
"I don't want it, them, to get anything bad from me, through me." Carina admitted.
"Can foetuses catch colds?"
If she wasn't feeling so rotten Carina might have laughed at Maya's misunderstandings, "I meant medication," she clarified, "the placenta filters out the germs," she said, simplifying everything, "but sometimes byproducts from drugs cross the membrane to the baby. It's complicated and not a lot is known because its frowned upon to study drug processes on pregnant women because the foetuses can't consent."
"Oh, wait what? Can't consent. Not it might be bad for them."
"Nope," Carina had once written a paper back in university about this. About how bad America was at protecting pregnant people.
"Wow. So if we don't go, can you ride this out. And keep down enough calories to keep you both well?"
"I should be able to, its been anxiety both times I think. I'll have some dinner. And keep trying to sleep. I'll sleep better now you're back."
"Okay," Maya was a little hesitant but trusted Carina to be the most informed about everything. "Want me to shut up now?" Silence was usually on the agenda for Carina's migraines.
"Just whisper, I saw you."
"Babe?" Maya didn't understand.
"On the news, defending those patients."
"Oh, they aired it?" Carina couldn't see but Maya's face had turned a deep shade of red.
"It was live."
"I might be in Sullivan or Ross' office about that," Maya mumbled, combing Carina's hair back so she could massage her temples, "Where's your ice pack, get you and bubba better?"
"Bubba?"
"I think it might be my nickname for the baby," Maya shrugged, she had used it for the kids she had seen earlier.
"What does it mean?"
"Just baby, I think. Its cutesy."
"I like it. And you were very noble on the TV. I was so proud. My ice pack is in the freezer again."
"Okay," Maya kissed her temple and went to the kitchen, took out the ice pack and glanced at the fridge trying to decide what to make them for dinner. It had been a little tricky recently as Carina had been plagued with some odd food aversions. And particularly a lot of texture issues, which Maya understood to a degree but not when the aldente pasta was too soft and the slice of toast was too floppy. "I'm quite hungry," that was an understatement, she was starving, they hadn't provided them with any good provisions past the box of granola bars that lived in the cab of the fire engine for emergencies, "if I was to get take out, what would you like, what do you and bubba want?"
"Uhmm. I don't know, pasta?"
"What of they cook it wrong?"
"Then pizza, a garlic bread pizza."
"Okay we can do that."
Maya nodded and set to ordering a feast for herself and a little garlic bread for Carina to nibble. She positioned herself back on the floor, twirling Carina's hair around her finger as she worked, adding all sorts to the basket. At some point she moved her hand to the top of Carina's head intending to ease a little discomfort with a head massage when Carina's hands came vice like around her wrist and stopped her after less than ten seconds. "I'm really sorry, my, I'm sorry I don't know the word, cuoio capelluto, where my hair comes from is really hurting. But," she took Maya's hand down to her stomach, "you can here."
Maya nodded and lifted her top out of the way, rubbing Carina's stomach gently, "the word is scalp," Maya informed, "but I preferred yours. Sounds sexy."
"When you're done, can I have more rub?"
Maya abandoned her phone on the coffee table, made sure to cover Carina's stomach back over and got the little tub, applying some to her back and the soles of her feet, having a vague memory of her grandma doing that when she was little before she died or her dad stopped them visiting, Maya was never quite sure of the truth.
After she resumed her couch side vigil, hand back on the baby. "Foods ordered," Maya whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too."
"And," Maya shifted a little, "I love you too," she kissed Carina's stomach below her bellybutton softly. Carina moved her hand down to Maya's head and teased with her fingertips, as Maya kissed again. "Andy knows about you, little one."
"She does?"
Maya nodded, her head on Carina's stomach, "she said I was a good Mom."
"You are," Carina combed her hair, "you came back to us." Carina's voice was thick with emotion, even in its semi-lost state.
Maya nodded, "I always will."
"May-a," Carina groaned, lifting her eye mask slightly, "what are you doing."
"I need to check our smoke alarms and our carbon monoxide." She was carrying the stepladder, rattling away, which is what had woken Carina up, having finally slept after a little bit of food.
"That's going to hurt my head, and you checked them last week." Carina reminded her.
"I have to," Carina sighed, this nearly always happened after a bad fire. It was Maya's anxiety coming out in physical actions. It usually happened when she saw herself or her family in one of the patients she had treated, and Carina was sure that with all of the destruction earlier on had brought this was probably the case. "I need ear plugs then."
Maya nodded, Carina had a migraine, now wasn't the time to check the alarms, they'd be okay for one night. "I'm sorry, I didn't- I was so in my head about keeping you safe."
"Will it make you feel better?"
"You not having a headache so you feel better will make me feel better."
"But," Carina grabbed for Maya's hand and wiggled her arm, "will you sleep, my love?"
"I-" Maya had been considering staying up so she would notice a fire or gas leak, "how can we block your little ears?"
"I need ear plugs and your headphones?"
"Okay," Maya dashed away and returned she gently put each ear plug in Carina's ears and kissed her forehead as she located the over ear headphones, "better?"
"Just be fast, bambina."
"I'll change the batteries first, and then-" she trailed of, Carina didn't need to know.
"How was that?" Maya asked, climbing over Carina ready to cuddle her wife until bedtime. Carina didn't respond, Maya lifted her head and smiled, her wife seemed to have fallen asleep. She kissed her cheek and settled into the cuddle and hopefully a sleep after a long unexpected day.
"Mai," Carina nudged her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Maya asked, stretching, as she sat up.
"I think, I can feel the baby kicking?"
"You can?"
"Mm-hmm, I don't think you'll be able to feel," Maya had put her hand on her stomach, "but it's definitely kicks."
"Babe, this is so exciting," Maya kissed her, "how's are you feeling?"
"The migraine is gone."
"Fantastic."
"So just feeling full of cold, we fell asleep."
"I know, should me you and baby makes three go to bed?"
"Yeah," she stretched, letting Maya pick her up. They both brushed their teeth and were in bed as quickly as possible. "Maya."
"Baby."
"I can't wait until you can feel them."
"Me too. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Any you," she put her hand on top of Carina's, "squirmy baby, I love you too."