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PxG was a change of pace, a place where Rin had to revel in the aftermath of Sae’s words, the same which dug into his skin.
There’s a part of him which wants to ignore it, just let Sae’s insults fester and form the bruise, one amongst many. But there’s another part of him, a deeper part, which still curls into his blanket at night and replays those final moments of the game over and over like a broken record.
He’s sleepless, and his body pays the price for it. Eye bags worse for wear, training the only place where he wasn’t sloppy, his food tray getting picked at until he ultimately threw it out. It’s as though Sae followed him in every step he took— a look of eternal judgement he can’t shake, one that doesn’t allow him to rest.
Out of everybody, Rin didn’t expect him to notice of all people. Maybe Nanase with his over attentive and over caring attitude, maybe Tokimitsu with his endless worries— Rin was a key component of their team after all, something they can’t risk to lose.
Instead it’s Shidou’s bed that creeks at the dead of night, steps quiet as he nudged Rin’s shoulder, well aware that he lays awake. Rin ignores him, feigning sleep as he clutched his blanket tighter, and Shidou doesn’t move, hand on his shoulder for a moment too long.
Rin ultimately relents, because even if he hated the insect with his very being, there’s a guilt that follows with taking Shidou’s rest away with him.
Maybe this is why Sae liked him, he was a lot less difficult.
Rin turns, looking Shidou in the eyes even through the darkness. Sea foam meets amber dawn as Shidou grins, something akin to victory.
“Can’t sleep?”
“Obviously”
“Then come with me, Rin-Chan”
That’s the last whisper he gives before pulling Rin’s covers away from him, shaking his shoulder to force him out of bed. Footsteps softened by his socks as the BlueLock door slid open.
They’re walking down the hall and Rin’s not even sure what hour it is, he just follows Shidou aimlessly down the endless hallways.
There’s a serenity to it all— a foreign feeling of belonging as Shidou pulls him through the BlueLock corridors— his enemy, the one man he’ll always have to fight for first place, choosing him to lead aimlessly to a better place.
Granted, Rin wasn’t sure where Shidou was taking him— but if his smile was anything to tell by, he doesn’t think he’s going to meet his wits end from Shidou’s fists just yet.
Shidou pulls him into a field, one that he recognizes. The lights turn on at the signal that members had entered the arena, but Shidou manually fiddles with the panel to turn them off. The sky is dark above them, stars dancing as the gentle breeze lets itself be known even within the facility.
Shidou tugs him out of his trance, pulling him to the centre of the field and plopping down onto the grass, laying down with a sigh. Rin follows suit, laying next to him.
It’s strange, everything about this is— the fact Shidou had worried enough to bring him here, that Shidou cared enough to notice. That they’re laying next to each other looking at the stars, fingertips almost touching.
Rin swallows hard, because there’s a part of him that wants to flinch away from such care— Shidou was the reason he was like this after all, the praise that so effortlessly left Sae’s lips for the blonde next to him, how he had gotten closer to Sae in a matter of hours than Rin had his entire life.
There’s an ache in his throat water pools in the back of his eyes. He has to take a deep breath to push the tears back. He feels pathetic, to seek subconscious comfort in the very man who sprung the tears.
Because there’s always a piece of him that craves the kind words of someone, a little boy trapped in the body of a teenager, one that sobs and begs for his older brother to care for him like he once did before.
Shidou looks at him, and Rin continues to look up. Shidou hooks his arm around Rin’s own, and Rin ignores the breath that catches in his throat.
“Do you see that, Rin?” He whispers, as if they’re not the only ones in such a vast field, “That’s the Big Dipper!”
And Rin watches here his fingers point, how his hand shifts and brings his finger to Rin’s nose, the closeness between them emphasized by the breathy laugh Shidou gives.
They’re close, too close, and Rin swears he’s seen this exact scene play out in a romance movie before. There’s a palpitating tar in his chest that makes him want to give in and run away at once, his face simmering in the warmth of Shidou’s smile.
Shidou looks at him, eyes shining in the moonlight, a look Rin is capsized in.
“If you were a girl, I’d kiss you right now”
It takes a moment for Rin to process the words, a silence that beats in the air for a moment too long before he swallows thickly, his own voice unrecognizable as he mutters, “What difference does that make?”
Shidou snickers, holding back a laugh as Rin’s face continued to burn,
“Because if you were a girl, it’d be normal to kiss you. But we’re just two dudes watching stars, so it’s not romantic unless one of us makes it romantic—“ Shidou drabbles on, a toothy grin on his face, “But I’ve got the feeling you’re not into guys”
“What gives you that impression?” Rin retorts, almost defensive. He’s not sure why— he doesn’t thinkhe likes guys, he doesn’t like anyone at all. Soccer was the only thing he’d burned into his brain, romance was a gone thought.
“Why? Are ya gay Rin-Chan?” Shidou drawls, lips quirking into a smirk,
And it’s something about the word, gay. So clear and out in the open, torn and seared for everyone to see and understand. No dodging the label or prodding around it— clear and cut for both of them to know.
Weirdly, it makes Rin’s stomach do flips.
“I don’t… I—“
“You don’t know?” Shidou finishes, a knowing look in his eye. Rin nods, and there’s a moment where Sae’s judgement leaves, where the festering bruise stops its ache for just a moment,
“Do you want to kiss me, Rin-Chan?”
Rin doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know what he’d say either. He’s stuck as his chest constricts and there’s a wordless yes in the back of his throat.
It’s weird, all so confusing— it made Rin’s mind spin and his skin tingle, a shortness of breath that makes his chest squeeze.
The stars look down upon them, the moonlight on their skin. There’s a moments hesitance in Rin’s movement as Shidou leans closer, testing the waters as Rin’s nerves spark and his body freezes into place. There’s something serene— a longing that drags him to the searing force that is Shidou Ryuusei, the single person he had sworn to bite and chew, spit into the oblivion of his own jealousy.
Yet he doesn’t push him away when Shidou’s lips meet his own, rough palms against his hands, interlacing their fingers. There’s not a muscle in his body that moves to shove him away, to go back to what they were.
There’s a pull, one which swallows him into oblivion as his body moves towards Shidou’s own, as his hands meet his chest and his hair feathers between their faces, lips locked into a gentle reprieve that has Rin’s mind spinning.
It’s over before Rin can conceptualize it, grab onto what happened and stick it to memory, and Shidou’s back to sitting on the grass and looking up at the stars.
There’s a silence, one that Rin refuses to keep,
“What was that?”
“A good kiss, Rin-Chan”
Rin swallows, words stuck in his throat as he looks down at Shidou, lips curved into a dissatisfied frown.
“Was it just a kiss?” He asks, so soft he can barely hear himself, something that Shidou relishes.
“Do you want it to just be a kiss?”
Rin pauses, an odd feeling in his veins as he mouths,
“No”
So Shidou kisses him again, quick and fleeting, deep and loving, bodies intertwined amidst the faux grass and overhead skies.
They rest in each others arms until daybreak, and Rin eats his first proper meal in weeks.
With Shidou sitting right in-front of him, a knowing smile on his face.