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Buffy ran her finger around the rim of her latte cup. "So, that's the deal. The coven thinks that Willow should be able to break through whatever mojo is keeping your memory locked up." She glanced up at him. "If it is mojo. They won't know until we get there and they can read you."
John broke off a piece of a chocolate muffin and handed the rest of it to Buffy. He took a bite, washing it down with coffee and taking his time responding to her. "Why do I get the feeling you don't want me to do this?" he said finally.
Six months of daily (and nightly) contact with John, as well some residual personality traits that still said "Spike" to her, had sharpened Buffy's ability to read his face and body postures. She put down her cup and placed one hand over his.
"I want to be sure that you want to do it," she said carefully. "It's... it's been good, hasn't it? These past few months? We've been good?"
"It's been bloody amazing," he agreed quickly, turning his hand over and holding hers tightly. "I don't know when I've ever been so happy... "
"I don't know when you've ever been so happy, either," she whispered. "I... I like seeing you happy." She squeezed his hand. "I just don't want it to go away if... when you get your memory back. What if... what if you aren't happy anymore?"
"Buffy... I..." He shook his head. "Why wouldn't I be happy?" A shadow crossed his face. "Don't you want me to remember? To remember you... us?"
"Aren't we an 'us' now?" Her eyes held on to his, trying to say without words how important the relationship they were forging was to her.
"Bloody hell, yes! How can you doubt it?" He lowered his voice when the two other customers nursing their cups of overpriced coffee glanced their way. "How can you doubt it?" he repeated in a quieter tone. "But that's not going to go away just because I remember us from before..." He tilted his head and studied her worried face. "Is it?"
"I don't know," she said. "I just don't know. What if you aren't happy when you get your memories back and remember what it was like to be a vamp? What if you don't want to be human? What if the reason you never called me was because you didn't love me anymore when you popped out of the amulet? What if—"
"Buffy," he interrupted, ignoring the other customers and moving to her side of the table. He knelt in front of her, still holding her hand and wrapping it in both of his. "I can't tell you how I'll feel about being human. I've got no idea. Would I like to have the stamina to make love to you for five hours without letup? I suppose I would. Is that worth giving up being able to take you to the park for picnics on nice afternoons? Or thinking about someday making a family of our own?" He shook his head. "I seriously doubt it." He sighed and stood up, pulling her to her feet and into a loose embrace. "And, as far as not loving you – I'm pretty sure that's not possible. I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you when I can remember loving you then."
Buffy's eyes were brimming. "But... but you didn't come to me. You didn't even let me know you were alive. How can I—"
"I don't know why I didn't call you. I don't know why I didn't jump onto the first jet leaving LA and find you. I don't know why I stayed with a man – a vampire – you tell me I hated. I don't know any of those things." He shook his head and pulled her closer, letting her rest her head on his chest while he nuzzled her hair and murmured too quietly for the interested onlookers to hear. "Maybe I didn't believe that you really loved me and was afraid to find out I was right. Maybe I thought you'd be better off without me. I don't know any of those things."
He pushed her away from his chest and tipped her head up until their eyes locked. "I just know that all the demons and witches in the world couldn't tear me away from you now, and there's no way getting my memories back is going to change that."
"I love you," Buffy said, blinking rapidly. "I love John, I loved Spike, and I'll love whoever you turn out to be when you can remember."
"I believe you," he replied. "I believe you and I'm not worried about what will or won't happen in the future. We're forever, Buffy. Together or apart, we're forever."
"Forever," she echoed, reaching up to kiss him lightly. They stared into each other's eyes a minute longer; satisfied with what they saw there, they broke into smiles.
"So," Buffy said, sitting down and grinning at him. "Are you going eat your half of that muffin?"
The End