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Lord Millions Knives.
Destroyer of Cites.
Culler of Thousands.
He had gone by many names in his long 150 years of attempted genocide.
But today, he held a small faux-leather-bound booklet with the name ‘Nai Saverem’, containing a little card with all sorts of information about him.
Knives can’t help but feel miffed that the card doesn’t respect his true age. Vash, who took it upon himself to do most of the work to get the passports in the first place, had falsified some documents and pulled some strings, making the two of them legally twenty six.
Knives scoffed at the thought. What a juvenile age, in which humans drink themselves to death to drown out the thought of having to live even a moment longer in the hell that they had wrought for themselves.
Though, he is well aware that his identity of Millions Knives being revealed would result in a swift execution, especially now that he had no access to his gate. He would have to play nice with the infestation that was the human race if he ever had hopes of reopening his gate and wreaking havoc on them once again.
He sighed- frustrated and exhausted. These newfangled ‘airports’ were rife with irritating riff-raff. The lights were offensively bright and loud, humans were somehow even less cognizant of their surroundings and continued to bump and shove at him, and God- the smells. There were just so many- humans wearing perfumes made his head spin, and those who refused deodorant made his stomach churn, not to mention the smells of all of the foods within the place.
There were plenty of fast food places, all with different, heavy scents. It was all far too much for him. He was stood at the most offensive one- the Cinnabon, where the sickly sweet smell juxtaposed against the bitter expressions of the workers made him feel uneasy, but Vash absolutely insisted that he needed one.
“Nai, this will be the best thing that you’ve ever had in your entire life I swear!” Vash said with a toothy grin, shoving a cardboard tray containing an oversized cinnamon bun into his hands.
Just the temperature and the smell of the cinnamon bun was enough to deter Knives, who promptly feigned accidentally dropping it on the floor.
“Oops.”
Vash let out a scream of anguish, and they were promptly asked to leave.
***
“Nai, look, it’s so much cheaper this way! And anyway, I already sold our old tickets. And we get to keep the plane when we land!” Vash hummed gleefully, gesturing to the rickety biplane that he had purchased.
“...”
“Do you like it? I bought the blue one because I know you like blue!”
“...”
“Come on Nai! I passed up red to get a blue one, and I saved us money in the process! This is great news, and you’re staring at me like I’m crazy!”
“...”
“Nai. Come on. Talk to me. Tell me how awesome this is.”
“...Vash. I am praying to the non-existent human God that you are telling another one of your heinous jokes.”
Vash just smiled, shaking his head. “Nope! It’s all real! I can see on your face how excited you are! This is so awesome!”
Knives had no words. His only response was a face filled with utter horror, misery, and regret.
***
Knives has never been a religious man outside of recognizing himself as a God.
But that biplane made him understand why humans beg God for mercy.
Despite the horrifying experience that was Vash somehow operating a biplane in the depths of space, they had landed on Earth safely.
Well, they certainly made it there alive.
Knives vowed that his new order for destruction was planes, then humans.
He crawled out of the biplane like a newly hatched lizard, not trusting his legs to hold him up, lest he go crashing down into the… what the fuck.
There are green… things everywhere. They kind of look like worms… holy fuck. No. No no no. No way Vash brought him to a planet with hundreds… thousands… no, millions of little green worms that were going to eat him alive.
So he did what any sane person would do.
He screamed.
And screamed.
And crawled back into the biplane, continuing to scream.
And Vash, with absolutely no sense of self preservation, was just standing there.
“Nai. It’s grass. Y’know… a plant,” Vash said calmly, trying to convince his reactive brother to stop screaming. “Can you… be quiet? You’re being annoying.
A plant.
A plant?
A plant!
Why hadn’t Vash simply said so earlier? This is wondrous news! His sisters, and so very many of them, are free! Free to live, free to roam, free to simply be!
Knives quickly scrambled to peer out of the biplane, greeting his sisters with a grin.
“Oh! Oh, my dear sisters! I apologise if I frightened you, but it is so wonderful to see you be free! Vash, do not be rude and stop standing on them! They have had to experience enough hardship in simply freeing themselves from the tyranny of humans! Oh, my sisters, How glad am I to see you! How- God, you must be so happy! I know that I am-”
“Nai.”
Knives just waved an arm at his brother, continuing to greet his sisters. Vash was simply being rude. “I am so happy to see you free from the dastardly humans- gosh, how many of you are there? It must be so freeing-”
“NAI.”
Once again, Knives simply waved a dismissive hand. “Hush, brother. I am trying to speak to our sisters-”
“NAI. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME TYPE OF PLANT. “
“...Pardon?”
Vash took a deep breath, placing his hands on Knives’ shoulders. “Listen to me very carefully. These are not the same plants that we have on No Man’s Land. These ones cannot think, speak, or even move very much. Do you understand?”
Knives had the worst brother known to man.
Vash was cruel. Deceitful. Evil. Worse than him.
‘Not the same kind of plant’.
Vash had purposefully embarrassed him.
The powerful and perfect Millions Knives simply stood there, staring at his cruel brother.
To say that he was embarrassed would be an understatement.
***
Vash had decided that visiting a zoo might prevent any further misunderstandings when it came to Earth’s life forms.
Knives was less than interested. To come to a planet toting ‘freedom’ only to keep creatures which humans deemed as lesser in cages. It was all too similar to the treatment of his sisters still on No Man’s Land.
Though when his brother insists, there isn’t much Knives can do to say no.
Most people staring down the barrel of Vash’s signature revolver, ironically named Peacebringer, would agree.
And that’s how Millions Knives found himself standing in front of the most horrifying creature that he had ever seen in his entire life, separated only by the glass partition that humans deemed to be enough to encase the monster before him.
A beast as tall as the trees themselves, with a sandy colored coat and smudged brown spots swung its horrifyingly long neck against another of its brethren, a long, purple tongue hanging out of its head, perhaps signifying that it was dazed.
Knives wouldn’t say that he’s afraid of a lot of things. He is a blessed angel, a God in his own right. He can topple cities and kill thousands without much effort.
But this thing. This thing stared into his very soul, and for once, Knives felt the urge to beg Saint Peter to let him into the light of Heaven and free him from the demonic beast in front of him.
Vash told him that this thing was a ‘giraffe’ and that they were herbivores.
Which meant that they ate plants.
The giraffe’s beady, black, all seeing eyes stared into Knives’ pale turquoise.
It’s horrific, fleshy lip lifted to reveal a line of flat teeth along its bottom jaw, but nothing along its top one. This was an animal created to cause its prey pain as it killed and maimed, Knives decided.
Humans had the right idea for once. This horrific beast needed to be kept in this enclosure for the rest of its demonic life.
***
Knives left the zoo traumatised.
Did creatures like that truly roam the Earth, as the tour guide told him that they did?
He no longer felt like the powerful Lord that he once was.
His power meant nothing to the horrors of this world.
Knives decided to do the one thing that he swore he would never do- misuse a plant for his own benefit.
You would want to smoke a blunt after that ordeal, too.