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Loki felt as though he’d been electrocuted, his nerves shaking through his entire body as tension gripped him down to his bones. His jaw was clenched tight as a shot of adrenaline flooded his system as a reaction to… absolutely nothing.
It was just an echo. A horrifying, physical echo beyond his control.
He wasn’t Time Slipping. Not anymore. He’d been rescued from that. Mobius had rescued him from that. But it felt like the whole ordeal was still ongoing regardless. His jaw was clenched so tight he briefly wondered if his teeth would shatter.
“Loki?”
“I’m fine,” Loki said a bit too quickly. Then he repeated his earlier denial of the pain. “I can handle it.”
They were headed back to Mobius’ apartment - a space they both still shared despite Loki now working for the TVA in a much more official (and far less contentious) capacity. Getting him his own space was far down the list of priorities at that moment. He’d only just now been atomically reassembled. Priorities . They had other things to worry about first.
Mobius didn’t believe his denial. He didn’t believe it the first time, either, but calling Loki out on it now wasn’t helpful for either of them at the moment. It was a lie intended to lower the anxiety and make things just a little bit easier. It was not a lie to trick and deceive. It wasn’t malicious . There was a difference, and Mobius understood that.
Loki didn’t do the other kind of lying to Mobius anymore. To others? Sure. But not Mobius. He was one of an extremely select few people who had access behind the curtain of his schemes now. Loki sparked a rebellion in the man’s heart and he intended to foster that flame into a burning inferno. The idea thrilled him.
Another bolt of adrenaline seized Loki and he reached out instinctually, desperately needing something solid to ground him. He ended up clutching Mobius’ sleeve tightly in his fist. He distantly heard a stitch rip above the chaotic static in his mind - a victim of his Asgardian strength - but he couldn’t unclench his hand. The sleeve would just have to be a lost cause.
Mobius reached up with his other hand and soothed over Loki’s knuckles gently. It wasn’t a reprimand. The jacket could be replaced easily. The action was purely meant to comfort. And it did .
Loki leaned forward, bowing his head and resting it against Mobius’ collar bone. He exhaled, a significant amount of tension draining from his body as he did so. Mobius simply continued stroking his hand in calming circles. Loki’s heart rate began to slow down to match the soothing rhythm and he felt a calmness wash over him. It was a detached calmness, but it was far better than terror.
He didn’t need to tell the truth about this. Mobius could tell. He could always tell. Always had. He’d seen through him the moment they met. Loki had tried to intimidate him - he’d threatened to burn the TVA to the ground - and Mobius had responded with a joke. Or at least it had been a joke. Then it’d become a very real offer to help.
Had he actually sparked that rebellion, or were there embers of it smoldering already? It was worth fostering either way. Whatever the case, he wanted to watch this fire roar to life. The potential was intoxicating.
“I’m fine,” Loki said again, forcing himself to straighten up once his heart had returned to its normal beat.
Calmness. Detachment. A semblance of peace.
He wasn’t sure what compelled him to smile at Mobius then. He was incredibly scared, but the idea of lying to Mobius then suddenly felt like an in-joke. Isn’t this funny? You know the truth. I know the truth. But you’re letting me have this because my pride can’t stand this mental collapse. Thank you, my friend.
“Of course,” Mobius said, smiling back but in a softer way - less maniacal, perhaps. “We can handle this.”
The elevator dinged and opened to Mobius’ floor.
“Come on, let’s go,” Mobius said, patting Loki’s hand where it still clung to him.
Loki didn’t let go, though he did loosen his grip. The jacket wasn’t badly damaged. Not much. From this angle it seemed like perhaps a thread or two had popped, but the fabric remained intact. He was so focused on the thread he hadn’t noticed he’d been guided down the hall to Mobius’ door.
His dissociation with the world around him continued as he guided through the door and to the couch. Mobius made sure he was seated comfortably before incredibly gently pulling his sleeve from the deity’s grip. Had Loki still been holding it as tightly as he had been in the elevator, that task would not have been possible. But he was ready to let go. For now .
However, Mobius’ gentle care continued, even once physical contact has been broken. The man went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water at the sink. Loki sat motionless on the couch, at first watching Mobius but then averting his eyes when the shadow of vulnerability began to show itself. Mobius was helping him willingly , and doing so without judgment . That didn’t stop the terror of feeling weak, though. It was a struggle within Loki without any external factors. This was his demon to battle.
Mobius made sure Loki took the glass of water directly from him instead of simply setting it down on the table. Loki would not have reached forward to take it. Even simple tasks felt like too much just then. Eliminating that one step was enough to coax Loki into drinking, which was the overall goal.
It was his first sip of water since being reassembled in the Loom. He hadn’t realized what a dehydrating experience that had been. Being ripped apart at an atomic level sucks the moisture right out of you. Alright. Noted . The TVA had taught him a great many things. Most of it awful.
He’d finished off the glass and Mobius was right there to take it directly from him. One less thing to think about. One less choice to make.
Loki stared off into space for a few moments before intentionally seeking out Mobius. The man was sitting patiently on the adjacent chair, just waiting for Loki to call the shots here and move this forward. Under any other circumstances, Loki would have been thrilled. He loved having control. But that didn’t feel right at the moment. He was too lost.
He simply shrugged at Mobius. What's next? I have no idea, but I don’t know how to ask for help.
Mobius once again understood.
“Think you can shower and change into clean clothes?”
Good question. Could he? He wasn’t sure if he could stand for long. With how the phantom Time Slips impacted him physically, he might fall and get injured. Without access to his powers, he’d heal too slowly for his liking.
“A bath,” Loki said.
His voice was quiet, as though unused in a significant amount of time. Another weakness. I’ve lost my ability to even speak with any power. He’d just been screaming in the War Room perhaps an hour ago. Maybe less. He still didn’t have a grasp of how time flowed here.
“Sure. Need help?” Mobius paused, hearing the unintended misinterpretation and quickly correcting it. “With drawing it, I mean. Filling up the tub with water. You know, give you another few minutes to sit here and relax.”
Mobius didn’t have to be so coy. I’m a hedonist, darling, he wanted to croon. You needn’t be shy. Instead he found himself smiling softly, huffing out a laugh through his nose.
“That would be lovely,” he said, voice gaining back a small bit of strength.
Dear sweet Mobius. What would I do without you?
Mobius left him to draw said bath, and Loki found himself staring off into space once more.
Nothing felt quite real. Perhaps it had something to do with every cell in his body being violently ripped apart and thrown back together in a radioactive chaotic blast of light. Surely. But even if every single cell had been put back together perfectly, this deep sense of unease would still be echoing through his brain. This went deeper than molecules. It was an echo deep within his soul.
As his mind fogged over, he lost track of himself. He’d been told the bath was ready, he was sure, though he couldn’t recall exactly what words Mobius had used, or if he’d walked into the bathroom of his own volition. The next thing he was aware of was the warmth from the water as he slowly lowered himself into the tub. It was like he was feeling each bit of his body for the first time.
Perhaps he was. At least in this configuration. Could he really be sure he was put back together correctly? Perhaps he’d never be that person again. At least he was feeling his body again. Whatever it consisted of now.
He leaned back against the rim of the tub, submerging as much of himself as he could under the warm water. He was maybe a bit too tall for the standard issue TVA tub. It was enough, though. Just enough to feel something.
He shut his eyes, removing one sense from the equation and letting his others recalibrate. Mobius had poured something sweet-smelling in this bath. It certainly wasn’t the standard issue TVA soap. It was sweet in an earthy way - perhaps a candy that Mobius loved so much. Caramel or toffee. Maybe butterscotch? It was an incredibly Mobius scent.
Loki idly considered that the man had probably stolen it off a timeline and he smiled. What a criminal. He’d swiped plenty of magazines and various other trinkets, so it seemed within the realm of possibility.
Those embers had certainly already been there. Perhaps that’s why he spent so much time studying Loki. A rebel recognized himself in another and couldn’t help but be drawn in. Now look at us? We’re burning in this chaos together. There’s no going back.
He couldn’t hear Mobius out in the living room. Instead of being worried about what he might be doing out there, Loki felt relief that there was one less sensory input to process. Whatever Mobius was doing, it was almost assuredly what needed to be done and Loki could just exist in quiet peace.
Time passed differently in the TVA, but he could tell he’d been in the bath a long while. The water was getting cold. The temperature didn’t bother him much, though. It never had. Which was something he’d only understood the past few years now that he was aware of his true heritage.
Regardless, he got out of the bath and changed into the clean pajamas Mobius had set out for him - brown sweatpants with the TVA logo on one of the legs and a tan shirt. They were softer than most TVA issued clothing. While the worker bees in this nightmarish hell had to feel uncomfortable during the day’s work, getting rest was a priority apparently. They needed to be alert after a long night (or whatever) of sleep.
When he entered the living room he noticed Mobius had set out a plate of fruit and another glass of water on the coffee table. How funny that the man whose rebellious flame I wish to fan keeps drowning me in water.
Loki took a single grape from the plate, then drank more water, all without the direction of Mobius. Now that he was coming back into his own senses, he realized he was actually quite nauseous. And tired. One grape was enough for now. Any more and he risked making things worse.
“I think I’d quite like to go to sleep,” Loki said.
“Of course.”
The bedroom was dark and when Mobius reached for the light switch, Loki stopped him with a gentle hand to his wrist. Too much sensory input was still a bit difficult and he feared turning on the light would spark another unexpected shot of adrenaline. He needed this space to be calm - neutral . As few things to process as possible.
He climbed under the plain TVA sheets, annoyed at how familiar they were at this point but grateful for something known to anchor him. He knew this bed. He knew this room . And he didn’t need to overwhelm himself by looking at all of Mobius’ nicknacks ( you thief. I adore you ). He knew they were there. They comforted him from their quiet place in the dark.
His body buzzed as he laid there in the silence. Loki’s eyes eventually fell shut and sleep teased at the periphery of his mind, but he wasn’t quite pulled under. Instead he just laid there and let his body vibrate with the remnant energy from the day’s ordeal. The adrenaline was mostly faded now, but the physical pain lingered deep within him.
Sometime later when he was teetering on the edge of sleep, he heard Mobius carefully sneak back into the room. The man set the plate of fruit and water on the nightstand, then left him again. While Loki wanted things as quiet as possible, the sound of someone actively caring for him was the most comforting thing in the world. It was quite possibly the only sound he could tolerate.
I can handle this. We can handle this .
Sleep soon claimed him and he plunged into a slumber that smelled like sweet earth desserts, felt like familiar sheets, and sounded like careful footsteps on the floor. And he was finally at peace. At least for a while.