Work Text:
"Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading
From all the things that we are
Are not saying
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?"
She intensively regrets wearing the new extra high heels on that day of all days when she has to run to an emergency room, but stopping to take them off would cost even more time which she doesn’t have, so she tries her hardest to ignore her throbbing pain in her feet.
Breathing heavily, she reaches JJ who is standing by the ER door which they are not allowed to pass. Out of breath, she asks: "How bad... is it?" Tears are swelling up in her eyes while she still tries to keep it together.
"I don’t know, they are operating on him now. But... he lost a lot of blood," JJ noticed the panic in Penelope’s eyes. "Everything happened so fast, we didn’t see the unsub pulling the gun from behind his back. Many shots were fired. I had to take cover and didn’t see much, but Luke got the unsub just before he fall to the ground himself." JJ stopped talking because Penelope was sobbing uncontrolled.
"He got shot, didn’t he? Luke got shot?" It sounded not really like a question, more like a worried statement.
JJ nodded slowly, "Yes, and from the sound not just once and some missed the vest. The ambulance was there very quick but he wasn’t conscious or responding." She took a deep breath "I don’t know if there was a pulse, but the doctors said there doing an emergency operation now, so..."
"He must be alive otherwise they wouldn’t operate, right?" Penelope searched for any reassurance in JJs eyes.
Just when she wanted to say something supportive, the doctor came out of the room and both women asked simultaneously with concern in their voices: "HOW IS HE?"
The doctor looked serious from one woman to another and finally said: "He is stable for now, but we will know more in 24 hours. We have done what we could. Now he has to push through. Whoever bandaged his wounds might have saved his life. Otherwise he would have bled out for sure."
With that he left for the next emergency already awaiting him.
"I guess that first aid course finally paid off." JJ said absentminded.
Penelope looked to the door and wished she could see for herself that he was breathing right now.
~~~
After three hours, the team was allowed to visit Luke, who was still unconscious from the operation.
Garcia went in last because she said she wanted to sit with him for a while.
She had to hold back tears again when she saw him lying in the hospital bed even though he seemed to be calm and free of pain, but he was unusually pale.
She slowly sat down on the chair beside the bed and whispered: "What did you do, Newbie? You are not invincible. You can’t catch all the bullets like that. What should Roxy do or Lou when you are gone? What should the team do... I..?"
She was reaching for his hand when suddenly his phone in his jacket started to vibrate.
Startled, she grabbed for it like on autopilot and saw that his mother was calling.
For one moment, she paused but then she decided to pick up the call:
"Hello? This is Penelope Garcia speaking."
"¿Quién? Ah... did you say Penelope?" Asked the woman confused on the other side.
"That is right, Mrs. Alvez. I am sorry but Luke has been injured and is resting right now." She wanted to spare her the gruesome details but felt like she had a right to know the truth to some extent.
"No, that can’t be happening. How is he? Will he be alight?" Asked Luke’s mother in a very worried tone.
Penelope gave her the information she could share at the moment and the name of the hospital before they ended the awkward conversation.
Before Penelope could put the phone away she saw the last played song on Luke’s music app and feeling like some music could be what they both needed right now she pressed play. The music app stated that the song was also marked as the most played song. Penelope listened to the lyrics closely.
"Change the colors of the sky
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive
The ways I loved you
For all the things that never died
To make it through the night
Love will find you"
She started to cry while the song played and wondered why Luke would listen to that song so often. Could it be because of...? She didn’t dare to wish that he might, after all those years and ways she treated him, still have feeling for her. And what would it change? She made a decision back than on the dinner table and she was not planning on changing her mind now, but a feeling she couldn’t quite put her finger on stayed in her heart.
“You can play that again, if you like?” A familiar voice whispers suddenly, which pulls her out of her thoughts.
“You’re awake? How are you?” She tries to search his eyes for any pain but finds just a warm and reassuring look even though he appears still groggy.
“I am fine. I am glad you are here but doesn’t the team need you right now?” He wanted to know.
“For what? The case is closed, you caught the unsub. Of course you did. Don’t you remember?” Penelope worried he might have amnesia.
“I see. I wasn’t sure if I got him before I got down.” He said relieved to know that getting shot at least wasn’t for nothing. After a moment he looked up to Garcia. “Why was my music on?”
She realized she had to explain that she invaded his privacy when she took the call from his mom. “Your mother called and I answered your phone. I thought she should know. And then I saw the song and thought maybe we could both do with some music and it might help you to wake up. I mean, I wasn’t going to kiss you, you know? So I played the song and it worked. You woke up.” she rabbled along.
Luke chuckled, “Damn, I would have preferred the kiss though.” winking at her.
Penelope’s face hardens a little and she looks to the ground. After one deep breath she suddenly asks before she can stop herself: “Do you still love me?”
Luke’s smile fades slowly away and he breathes out nearly unnoticeable “Yes.”
She sighs heavy and is about to get up to leave when he continues: “But that doesn’t mean anything has to change. I love the friendship that we have developed and I wouldn’t want to miss it for a day. I can’t help my feelings but I still can be the friend you deserve too … unconditional. Do you believe me?”
She tries to force out a smile toward him and responds “I am glad you are ok and getting better, we can talk about that another day. You should rest now.” With one sincere touch of his shoulder she turns around and leaves the room leaving him no chance to get another word in.
~~~
A few days later, Luke just got told by the doctor that he can be released the next day since his body is healing rather fast and he can rest from now on at home for another week until slowly returning back to work.
Over the moon to get out of the hospital, he barely notices Penelope coming into his room. "Hey, you look like you are in a good mood." She greets him.
"Yes, tomorrow I can go home and finally sleep in my own bed again." He beamed at her with excitement never liked to stay in a medical bed for too long.
"Well, I hope you take it slow, after all you got lucky this time, you shouldn’t push it." Penelope tried to reason with him while stepping close to his side.
"Hm.. I am glad you came to visit, Penelope. I felt our last conversation ended a bit abrupt." He looked at her, questioning if she remembered what his last words to her were.
She smiled gently and confirmed "I do, and I appreciate your honesty, but I want you to stop waiting for me. I feel otherwise I cannot have this friendship with you."
He looked puzzled "What do you mean? Should I give up hoping there might be a chance for us or should I bury my feelings for you for good?" He sighed while getting more and more worried. "I don’t know if I can do that. Does this mean we can’t even be friends anymore?"
She nodded slightly "It wouldn’t be fair on you. You deserve to be with a girl that is meant for you, that cares and treats you the way you deserve. You don’t deserve my childish behavior and ridicules mood swings."
Her words are slowly suffocating him and he looks lost and out of words to her. How can he just make her believe without forcing it…
"Remember the song you were listening to so often? He said it too, there might be a time when it’s too late and I fear that is now." She tries to gather all the compaction she can, while she knows how much she must hurt him right now with those words.
He is chuckling suddenly which confuses Penelope a lot. "You know, I think that is where the song is wrong for us. It can never be too late. I don’t care how long I have to wait, it has been seven years already, what are seven more years or seventeen? I won’t give up on us. You made me a better person all those years and you gave me a mission: to make you happy. Whatever that means for you, I will do it. And if it means just to be your friend, I can handle that, as long as I know you are happy and fine. Please let me do that for you."
Tears are slowly gathering in Penelope’s eyes. "Why do you have to care so much for me? Why do you always put yourself last? I want you to be happy too, but I can’t give you that. I will never be enough."
"Says who?" Asked Luke grabbing for her hand, needing something to hold on to.
"Ask anyone outside on the street if this makes sense, someone like you with someone like me." She gestures between herself and him.
"What? You know I don’t care, that the only Latin thing about you is your last name. Why is this suddenly an issue?" does Luke slightly hurt want to know.
"I don’t mean the skin color, Dummy." Penelope tries with a little humor to clarify, but Luke still looks puzzled.
"I am not the size people would be used to seeing with a male model like you."
"What? That is your issue?" He braces himself because he wants to say it in the right way so she would understand with no doubt. "I know you don’t think I am that shallow, because when have I ever given you the feeling I care about what others think about me? What others expect me to do or who to be with? The only person I wish has a high opinion about me, is you. I don’t want to disappoint or hurt you. That is all I always thrive for. Why would I care for social expectation or standards that are so wrong in the first place?"
She starts to sob and shakes her head "Why am I not surprised you would say something like this. You are just too perfect."
"It´s me. I can’t see how I could ever be enough for you. I am not saying it’s you." She admits her own self-esteem issues.
"You are perfect for me the way you are. Will you let me try to show you that? To make you believe?" He asks with all the sincerity and emotion he can gather in his voice.
"But I always hurt you. I even let you down on our date. And then I dumped all my private stuff on you. Not thinking once how much I might hurt you with that. I am always mean and dunk on you... why? Why me?"
He smiles honest at her and says "Because I love you for exactly all that."
She blinks in all confusion to him and after a while she responds "You sure know how to follow a difficult mission, don’t you?"
"Do you mean getting you to love me is my life long mission? I would be fine with that." He wipes away her tears and waits for her to catch up.
A silence like after a long fought war breaks between the two and Penelope’s body softens and a surrendering smile appears on her face.
"I wanna be good for you. You deserve that and then some." She slightly touches his face with her hand and sighs. "Why do you have to be the most patient man on earth?"
"As long as I am your man, I don’t care what I ever have to be." With every word, he inches closer to her, fixating her eyes with a questioned look, if that would be it.
If she would finally let him try.
"Well, you might have to be patient still because I don’t know how quick I can believe that I really deserve a man like you." Penelope ghosts with her lips a peck on his and sighs a little being at peace.
"I will make you believe if it’s the last thing I do." Not giving her time to say something in return he firmly presses his lips on hers again and with that seals their faith for good.
Just one word on his mind:
Finally.
"What about now?
Now that we're here
Now that we've come this far
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right beside you
For all my life
I am yours."