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Alexander and Charlotte reluctantly pulled back with lips aching for more, both feeling a bit bashful at the impropriety of the situation, yet neither concerned for it. They sat silently, a hair’s breadth apart, wondering which one of them would be first to acquiesce to their common desire for more.
“I admire you.” Charlotte’s tone was dulcet to Alexander’s ears.
“You admire me?” His disbelief made his voice crack.
“Yes.” She rested her forehead against his. His hand lingered on her neck. “You are raising a child who is not your own as if she were, and I know that you love her as if she were as well.”
He nodded with his head against hers.
“That is honourable. You must give yourself credit for that.” They finally placed some distance between them as their conversation continued. “And Augusta as well. Did you agree to be her guardian because she is Lucy’s niece?”
“Yes. Her father, Augustus, went to school with my brother. We were in London at the same time, attending balls and the like. He and Abigail were already married at that point. Lucy and Abigail were inseparable, and Lucy adored Augusta. I thought, perhaps, looking after her might–” He paused and his voice cracked again. “--might redeem me.”
“You must forgive yourself. Whatever your transgression, it cannot have been so terrible as to warrant a self-punishment lasting nearly a decade.”
“Lucy accused me of pouring treasure into foreign laps and in return I…I…”
“Go on.”
“I called her an adventuress.”
“Well, that is ungentlemanly, certainly, but understandable considering her behaviour.” She took both of his hands in hers this time and realised that in the few moments they had been separated, she missed his touch. “Surely you were both quite angry at the time and said things you did not mean.”
“Yes.”
“And I am certain that, had she lived, you would have made the very best of the situation.”
“You do not know me well enough to make that judgement.”
“Oh? I know you well enough to kiss you but not well enough to make a judgement?”
He grinned. Her challenges to him had been erotic from the very first moment. They were even more so at this moment.
She continued. “Well then, perhaps we should get to know one another better, so that I can.” It was she who leaned first this time, she who placed her hand on his shoulder, she who used the leverage of his body to pull herself closer. The kiss was far less tender, neither waiting for permission before pushing and swaying and daring the other to be the first to desist.
It was Alexander’s urge to touch her breast that made him stop. He clenched his hands to force them away and his lips left hers but refused to comply completely, trailing down her neck to her shoulder before finally obeying the command of his hands. “We must stop, before I lose control completely. I shall ask Mrs. Wheatley to see you home.” He stood. Distance was the only thing that would solve their predicament. She was so intoxicating when near and he was not thinking straight. “Tomorrow, then?”
“Tomorrow.”
“I will wait for you, on the carriageway.”
“I will look for you as I walk.” She smiled shyly. He handed her gloves to her. “When I entered your office this morning to speak with you on Augusta’s behalf, this is not how I envisioned the day would end.”
“No.” He smiled in agreement.
“But I am glad with how it has ended nonetheless.”
“Yes.” They exited to the foyer. “Mrs. Wheatley, would you kindly see Miss Heywood home.”
“Sir.”
“And, Mrs. Wheatley, be sure that you also step outside the carriage so that any passers by see you both.”
“Sir.”
Alexander bowed elegantly and just a bit longer than usual before turning toward his study. Charlotte accepted the footman’s hand into the carriage, sorry that it was not Alexander but understanding his reticence to do so.
The night was interminable.