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Midoriya Izuku has struggled with intrusive thoughts for years, he has not mentioned them to anyone, but according to the internet, he most likely has them because of his anxiety.
When he was younger he didn't know intrusive thoughts were a thing and thought they made him a horrible person, he was so sure he can't be a hero because of them. Thank Kami, he stumbled upon a conversation on the internet where intrusive thoughts were mentioned.
Even if he knew his bad thoughts didn't tell anything about him as a person, he still hated them so much. He just wanted to see a person of color without his brain spewing slurs against his will, he just wanted to go swimming without his brain trying to imagine everyone naked. Kami, he hated his brain.
Sometimes he wondered if there was actually something more wrong with him, what if other people didn't get intrusive thoughts as often as he did, what if theirs weren't so vivid, what if theirs did not affect their dreams. Kami did Izuku HATE it when he sees these terrible dreams, because when he's asleep he can't even attempt to stop the train of thought.
Sometimes Izuku wonders if he can ever be in a relationship, he has so many intrusive thoughts of sexual nature, he would feel awful, being committed to someone and his thoughts always imagining other people. He was demisexual and still his brain always thought about other people sexually, he hated it so much, it made him feel disgusting.
Not to mention when children were the subject of those thoughts (Kami, he hated even thinking about that, it made him physically sick), he felt so disgusting and awful. Sometimes he felt like he should get himself admitted somewhere where he can't hurt anyone, he would never ever do anything to anyone without consent, but his brain just kept working against him.
Then there was the monstrosity called involuntary groinal response. Izuku feels like he might puke counting all the times he'd woken up aroused after seeing an absolutely horrible dream. He hated his brain so much.
-
The day Izuku was adopted by Yamada Hizashi and Aizawa Shouta was the best day of his life. He didn't have to come back to an empty house anymore. Now he had a family.
Except with Shouta-san and Hizashi-san (as they insisted on him calling them) his intrusive thoughts had more material and Izuku felt horrible. He had just woken up from a dream where the two men were doing questionable things with him (he hated it so much, he's not attracted to them, they are his parents, he hates his brain) involuntary groinal response in full power. What if one of them comes in with him hard and- no, nope go away.
Izuku takes deep breaths and gets up, willing his arousal away. Slowly he changes out of his pajamas and into comfortable clothes. Then he stumbles in the kitchen. He wonders if they've had sex there- no, no, no! Where else have they had sex- Kami can't his brain just shut up? Izuku lets out a sigh, trying to collect his thoughts. Breakfast. Something easy and light.
He takes out cereal and milk. Would they notice if he jerked off in the milk- what the fuck? It's not often when Izuku swears, even in his brain, but this was getting ridiculous. His thoughts were ten times worse, but he's not more anxious than usual (except the thoughts were quickly raising his anxiety levels). Maybe the dream he had is making them worse. Kami, he hated this.
So no milk, instead Izuku makes himself some toast and sits down to eat. While he’s eating Hizashi-san joins him (Shouta-san always sleeps long when he has the chance, Izuku wonders if its because he's recovering from sex- Fuck no, not going to think about that)
“How'd you sleep, listener?” Hisashi-san chirps, always the morning person.
“I slept okay”, Izuku mumbles. He wishes he could match Hizashi's energy, but instead his brain works actively against him, ruining his day.
“Aww, are you still a bit sleepy? Don't worry, I'm going to make sure it'll be a rocking day”, Hizashi announces (still quietly to let Shouta sleep) and pats Izuku's hair. He knows for a fact that hand has been on his- no, no, no. He loves headpats and isn't going to let his stupid thoughts ruin it.
After eating Izuku goes to the bathroom (and his brain suggests cutting his genitals off) and brushes his teeth (what if he showed the toothbrush down his throat?)
By noon Izuku was in tears. He had locked himself in his room, because his brain just wouldn't shut up. He doesn't remember when his thoughts had last been this bad. Kami, he hated this.
Intrusive thoughts were filling his head, what if he did this and that and he wonders this and that and Kami Izuku was so done. He just wanted to exist in peace.
At some point he had moved to lean his forehead against the wall. Slowly he raises his head and brings it back down forcefully, the pain clearing his head nicely. He does it again and again, his brain finally quiet. Kami if this is all it took to make his brain shut up, he'd do this forever. Atleast now he wasn't preying on anyone in his thoughts. Now everyone was safe.
“Hey listener, we heard some banging?” Izuku hears from behind the door. He doesn't deserve their worry, he's a horrible person, they should just get rid of him. Without even realizing he's started sobbing loudly.
“Kiddo we are coming in”, Shouta-san announces and after a few seconds the door opens. Izuku doesn't turn to look, it's better if he doesn't so he can't think of anything horrible.
“Hey listener, what's up?” Hizashi-san asks, sounding worried. Izuku wonders if they're into sounding- fuck no. Without even thinking about it, he bangs his head against the wall again.
“Hey, hey kiddo, none of that okay?” Shouta-san protests gently, pulling Izuku to a hug. At first Izuku is about to melt into the hug, but then he remembers how horrible he is and squirms away.
“You don't want to touch me”, Izuku sobs.
“Allright, we don't have to hug, just don't hurt yourself anymore, okay?” Shouta-san advises.
“Why do you think we don't want to touch you?” Hizashi-san questions. They both look so worried, Hizashi more obviously, with tearful eyes and a frown. What if he meant touching the other way- fuck. Izuku resists the urge to bang his head again, but he must've still twitched, because he sees Shouta-san's hand reaching towards him, before stopping.
“Because I'm horrible”, Izuku admits, tears flowing out of his eyes. This was it, they were going to realize how disgusting he is and get rid of him.
“We don't think you're horrible, we think you're awesome, what makes you think that?” Hizashi-san asks. Izuku can't take his worried tearful eyes and looks away.
“I think horrible things, you don't understand you should get rid of me, I'm awful and disgusting”, Izuku confesses, he digs his nails into his arms, he deserves all the pain.
“Allright kiddo, don't do that, I'm going to take a hold of your hands okay? You can say no if it makes you uncomfortable”, Shouta-san offers. Izuku lets out a hysteric giggle.
“You shouldn't worry about you making me uncomfortable, but me making you uncomfortable”, Izuku mumbles, but gives his hands to Shouta-san anyway.
“Izuku, baby, what's making you think of yourself like this?” Hizashi-san asks gently. Izuku lets out another sob.
“I keep thinking horrible things about you and everyone and I hate it”, Izuku weeps, closing his eyes and bracing himself for rejection.
“Kiddo, do you know what intrusive thoughts are?” Shouta-san asks gently. Izuku sobs in relief, maybe they do understand he can’t help himself.
“Uh-huh, that's what they are”, Izuku agrees, his body shaking with anxiety.
“Then you know it's not your fault, right baby?” Hizashi-san consoles.
“Yeah, they just were so bad today that I felt like dying”, Izuku admits, slowly calming down. They understood him, they didn't hate him. Izuku couldn't believe his luck.
“It's perfectly understandable. Have you talked about them to your therapist?” Shouta-san asks.
“Not really, I just don't know how to explain to someone that I keep having horrible thoughts and I know why I have them, but they still make me feel awful”, Izuku confesses.
“Why don't you start with just that?” Shouta-san suggests. Izuku nods, he could try.
“Want a hug, baby? I promise we aren't disgusted”, Hizashi-san asks and soon he has a lapful of sobbing teenager. Izuku would be okay.