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“And how may I address you, mysterious stalking stranger?” Hu Tao asked with pure curiosity, despite her phrasing suggesting otherwise.
“You won’t,” assured Wanderer, face evidently showing that he’s more than happy for their set of encounters to have this one as its sole member.
“Tsk, tsk, that won’t do. Our paths have already crossed, so I’m afraid there’s nothing stopping me from ever mentioning the Fellow Tasteful Hat Enthusiast I met in Sumeru,” remarked the pig-tailed young woman. Wanderer was getting annoyed at how difficult it was to discern whether she’s being sarcastic and condescending or she’s just, what the kids call nowadays, silly and goofy. “Fellow Tasteful Hat Enthusiast does have a certain ring to it…” she continued, ruminating in her own little world. “Too long though… F-T-H-E? Fthee!”
“No.” Wanderer scolded, instantly killing the spark of genius and excitement in the flower shaped pupils. Or was that her iris? Too many unknowns for one person. “Anything but the hat related idiocies, Hat Guy was enough”, he sighed, mumbling the last part to himself.
“Hat Guy?”
Fuck, she has functioning ears.
“That doesn’t do nearly enough justice for your eccentricity,” frowned Hu Tao. “Far too simplistic, and downright insulting.”
“Right, because Fellow Tasteful Hat Enthusiast is so much better,” the puppet sneered.
“Feiyu.”
“…huh?”
“Your name. Well, ok, not your actual name, but it’s what I’m calling you from now on, and you can’t say otherwise~”, sing-songed the lively funeral planner.
“…huh?”
“Oh, right, sorry, “feiyu” means flying fish in Liyuen,”
“I’m Inazuman,”
“Potato-potahto.”
“You just majorly insulted both our countries right now. You know people started wars over this, right?”
“More business for me, then!”
Heh.
"How ignorant..."
“Anyway, you’re clearly not Sumerian, and with the way you carry yourself you kind of seem like a fish out of water. A lone wanderer, desperately trying to find even the smallest of puddles to call home amidst the suffocating air…”
Such painfully cliché dramatics. In fact, they're so painful, the newly-appointed scholar felt a thudding ripple spread from his chest to the rest of his body.
“Also, your sleeves, and back ornamentation kinda look like fins. And you have an Anemo vision. So, you know, fins plus flying equals flying fish!”
Yup. One of the poetic types. Could probably find the meaning of life from a twig. Cringey existentialism aside, he was done with his mission, so he steered the irritating conversation to his goal of getting the fuck out.
“Fins plus flying equals flying fish? Is this the kind of math they teach in Liyuen academies? No wonder you had to rely on a god to manage your economy for thousands of years.”
Ok, he couldn’t help himself. Making fun of pretentious people is a favourite pastime of his. Pettiness satiated, it’s time to finally go.
“Liyuen academies? Please, unlike you Sumerian schoolboys, the people of Liyue don’t need an old, egotistical tight ass looking over their shoulder 24/7 to study and learn,” Hu Tao challenged, lifting her chin up in a proud smirk.
He knows that there’s no point in prolonging this conversation and he would be done with his work much sooner if he just ignored her remark, but something about that crimson stare made his nervous system burn. She was threatening his ego and he had to defend his honor. “I’d much rather be taught by an old, egotistical tight ass who knows what he’s talking about, than a pretentious twat that is apparently only skilled in bullshitting hidden meanings out of marine animals.”
“Ohoho! Mr. Student over here is fighting for his dear professor’s honor. How cute,” coed the brunette, and Wanderer promptly ignored the returning thudding ripple.
“Student? Oh sweetie, I can assure you the people of the Vahumana Darshan learn from me,” he tauntingly assured the director, stepping closer to remind his opponent of their height difference. For intimidation purposes.
“So, what I’m hearing is that you’re admitting to being an old, egotistical tight ass?” Hu Tao poked. Quite literally. On his chest. At every insult. Not sending ripples each time.
But instead of backing down at the director’s physical attacks, Wanderer locked onto the bright flower pupils that he swore were searing actual holes through his skull, because more eye-contact equals higher threat. Who knew Tighnari’s survival lectures would be a useful resource for a centuries old divine creation? “That’s right. I’m old, I’m egotistical, I know what I’m talking about, and I’ve got the tightest ass,” he teased, ending in a slight hiss.
“Oh yea? Bet.”
The puppet felt a warm puff of air on his face, which suddenly made him realize just how close he’d gotten to the self-proclaimed poet. He pulled away quickly, praying that the cold wind from the swift movement was enough to cool down the fever creeping up that he alluded to exhaustion from having to deal with the director’s antics. Wanderer, then, mentally thanked the peculiar brunette’s chattiness for obtaining a thorough explanation as to why the people of Sumeru City were being terrorized by questions of rot and cremation, and swiftly turned around to head back to the House of Daena.
“Leaving already? A shame,” sighed Hu Tao. “I’ll be awaiting our next encounter, dear Feiyu!”
Usually, Wanderer likes to adhere to his role as the “shadow of the Dendro Archon” and move as invisibly as he worked, but, for some reason, he felt compelled to pointedly lift himself off the ground, expelling a slightly bigger whirl of Anemo than usual, and float up to his destination.
“I knew it!”
Seems he made the right choice.