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A warm haze flourished throughout your living room, yellows dotting the hardwood floor through the cream colored curtains. You were drawn to the sound of repetitive knocking at your front door, drowsily shimmying to the door.
A rack of various keys shone from the light, catching the attention of your favorite calendar, hung from a cork board on the wall. It's only a Saturday.
Upon opening the door, you nearly thought you were being pranked until you looked down.
You smiled, although with confusion. Abby stood impatiently, looking up in front of you, her eyes searing with determination. “Hello, It’s me, Abby, remember?” Her face softened. She wore her signature light pink, flower patterned sweater with a regular pair of jeans and sneakers.
“Of course I remember you Abby.” You replied while rubbing your eyes. Abby darted both her hands to hold onto your arm, covered with a blue comfy robe. “Could you be my babysitter, please?”
She pulled you closer. Before you could utter why, she continued. “My big brother Mike is having trouble paying babysitters now…You’re the only person I can go to, so could you?” She softly swayed your arm and waited for a response.
Glancing off to the side, having a staring competition with the beautiful, green swaying basswood tree in your yard, you went back into your mind upon hearing the name Mike.
Mike Schmidt. The two of you grew up together in the current neighborhood you reside in. Went to school together, had a couple play dates, even remembering holding Abby for the first time. You remembered how kind Mrs. and Mr. Schmidt were. You even remembered Garrett. You’d prefer not to.
Remembering Garrett made your chest pang with a familiar feeling of distress.
“Later,” You nervously swallowed that panging sensation. “Later today I’ll come over, alright? I have to get situated first.”
Abby pulled you into a hug using your arm, wrapping her arms around your waist. “I knew I could count on you! There’s so much I wanna catch you up on!” She cheerfully squealed into your robe. All of that tension seeping off of her seemed to disappear. You knelt down, hugging her back in a sigh of relief. There’s still old Abby down in there somewhere.
Opening another door, this time knowing who’s on the other side, made your throat dry with various worst case scenarios flying through your head.
The Schmidt's poor, yellow porch light dimly colored your hunched figure, the evening darkness daring to consume you in its cobalt mist.
I probably look suspicious standing out here. You thought.
Using the spare key Mrs. Schmidt gave you all those years ago, you stuck it into the keyhole, turning it. Your hand trembled.
Opening the door…It’s just Abby again.
Like earlier this morning, she took you by the arm and took you to the couch.
“Mike is in the shower,” Abby leaned in. “He didn’t expect you to come over.” She grinned with good intentions. “Okay.” You replied, attempting to be enthusiastic about this nerve racking situation.
The house was the same as you remembered. Same comfortable couch, same rugs, same family portraits, same…Not the same atmosphere. “Hey Abby, you still draw those pictures?” You inquired, attempting to shift that heavy atmosphere. “Yep. It’s all I ever do. I don’t need to talk when I can use pictures.”
Abby conveniently had her pictures sprawled out on the coffee table. The two of you spent a while going over them. There were drawings of Abby, sometimes by herself, sometimes with Mike. There was more, something about yellow bunnies.
Both of you laughed about all sorts of things, reminiscing felt amazing. Your hands were finally steady.
You look up.
Mike leans against the door frame, his hand firmly onto it. He was dressed in a black, loose sweater, topped off with gray sweatpants. He aged significantly, but in a terrible way. His eyes told a sad tale, a tale you weren’t even sure you could fathom.
“You didn’t tell me we were having company.” He replied flatly. You were ready to sink into the couch until Abby interfered. “They’re our new babysitter, for free, too.” She seemed pretty proud of herself.
Your hands shook again.
Mike smiled weakly, as if he was incapable of displaying a genuine smile. “Did they agree to this?” Abby nodded excitedly.
“It's great to see you again.” Mike ended.
Babysitting Abby wasn’t just easy, but so much fun! Not only would she catch you up on what’s been happening in the Schmidt household, the good and bad, but her behavior improved significantly. “Aunt Jane could never be as fun as you.” Was her favorite phrase to say, usually while the both of you were coloring, playing, or simply relaxing. Mike had a glow to him anytime all three of you went out together as well, although he mostly spoke to Abby.
Her and Mike are hilarious together.
“So what’s Mike been up to today?”
“He cried for five minutes because he dropped his keys trying to put them in the door.”
“Ah! Uh, alright Abby let's get you to bed…”
Abby had been laid to bed by midnight. She watched cartoons with you and Mike until she fell asleep on the couch. Before sleeping, Abby colored a bit, mentioning she hung a picture on the fridge but you hadn’t seen it yet. Because she’s doing so well in school, she’s allowed to stay up until midnight on Fridays as well.
A weird feeling encumbered you after laying her to bed.
Now I’ll have to be alone with Mike.
You weren’t used to this, as Mike worked odd jobs at night and was barely home. Although you were babysitting her every other day, you and Mike hadn’t really connected
at
all
since…
You joined Mike on the couch, him leisurely kicking his feet up while he took a swig of water. “Hey…” he began as he sat up in his seat with a grunt. “I appreciate you doing this for us—Abby. For Abby.” He cleared his throat. “I was just wondering why you’d want to.”
“Abby let me know about your struggles. I couldn’t just stand by…Anymore.” You sighed nervously, wanting to let your concerns out. If you truly cared for Abby and Mike’s wellbeing, you’d be honest.
You two seemed to be on the same page, just waiting for someone to initiate.
He turned, facing you and not the television anymore. The blue light illuminated Mike’s sorrowful eyes.
“I don’t blame you at all.” He ran his hand through his face, then leading up to his hair, massaging. “I was a real shithead back then. Well, I still am but not as bad. You know how people are when traumatic events happen to them.” He ended with a sigh.
That doesn’t justify me leaving you alone to deal with your trauma. You sneered in your head.
You shuffled somewhat closer. Starting to know how Mike truly felt did make you uncomfortable, like an outsider.
You’ve known this man since you were kids, how could you even feel like an outsider in the first place?
“Even then, I shouldn’t have left you. I didn’t know what to do.” You averted your gaze to the television, colorful characters on the screen. “I know. I was young, and angry. I still don’t know how to handle myself.” You felt Mike’s gaze burn into you regardless of your eyes being locked on the television.
“My world has stopped spinning ever since I lost half of my family. I’m directionless.” Quickly your eyes landed on Mike, his tired eyes daring to let his frustrated tears leak.
“I can barely hold a job while Abby suffers because I can barely handle myself . I can barely function, I can barely sleep.” His voice trailed off painfully as he gestured aggressively towards his sunken eyes, black bellowing underneath them.
Your relationship with Mike only teetered once Garrett, his brother, was kidnapped. Although you attempted to console him, he pushed you away. He pushed his parents away. When Abby was born, the both of you came closer to somewhat repairing your relationship. Then, once his parents passed back to back, your relationship was a done deal.
When Garrett passed, Mike constantly picked fights at school, something he never did. He even snapped at you, shaking you up after merely suggesting that he needs to get his act together.
“That boy isn’t right anymore. It’s not safe to be around him.”
The words of your parents echoed through your head, the television sounded louder than before.
Suddenly, you opened your arms, contently smiling towards Mike.
“Tell me what's on your mind. And I know you need this.” You opened your arms more.
Mike looked as if he was going to burst into a full on sob, his face flushing red with disbelief. He took your affection, diving into your arms as he sobbed. Sobbed ugly, and loudly.
“Someone finally understands.” He slurred his words as he made tear droplets into your shirt.
Anything in line of the television was now a light yellow, produced by a manila colored infomercial on the television, selling some product that probably does its job.
Gently, you used your fingertips to massage Mike’s scalp. His hair was soft, and extremely messy. Your free arm was securely around his body, your head against the arm of the couch while Mike laid on you. His head rested peacefully on your chest.
Morning slowly crept through the blinds, aiding the manila color by the television.
“I have an interview for another job this afternoon.” Mike cheerfully whispered. “That’s great!” You played with his hair. “Remember, if anything becomes too much, I’m here to listen, alright?” You reminded him. Mike chuckled bashfully underneath you.
“I’m so thankful you came back.”
You felt a familiar pang in your chest once more. The same feeling you got with Abby.
“And,” Mike paused. “I’ll be a better friend too. Much better than before. You and Abby make me happy to be alive.”
Maybe babysitting involves looking after Mike, too.
Awaking from your sleep, you began to get your belongings together, leaving Mike asleep on the couch. Which was surprising since you had to carefully shuffle from underneath him. The same yellow haze from a week ago gleamed throughout the house.
Checking the Schmidt's wall clock, you realized it was only 8:00 AM.
Doing a double take, you stopped in front of the fridge before you could reach the front door.
A drawing by Abby hung on the door of the fridge.
You, Abby and Mike are drawn hugging, a large, pink heart above you three.