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Beyond their curtains it was still pitch black outside.
Half their bed was empty yet still warm, the sheets had not been straightened in Henry’s typical neurotic manor, and the bathroom light was not on.
Strange .
Something was wrong, but clearly not PPO national crisis level wrong.
Something was not prince wrong, but boyfriend wrong.
The hall light was glowing from outside the door, giving Alex a clue.
Alex Claremont-Diaz: Super Sleuth.
Tired, groggy, and confused, but above all else, concerned, Alex rose from bed.
( He did fix their linens, by the way, thank you very much)
There in their cozy kitchen Henry stood, over the stove before the kettle.
Ah.
“Hey baby” he murmured quietly, a hand coming to rest on Henry’s shoulder and the other on his side, pressing a kiss to his opposite shoulder blade.
The feeling of what was once his own ring and now Alex’s grazing his skin, and the touch of plush lips he knew all too well, grounded Henry in his distress just a bit.
Like an anchor keeping him safe.
“Did I wake you, darling?” It was a redundant question, one he knew the answer to must be a yes , why else would Alex be awake? Be here? But Alex would not accept an apology if he’d offered one, he never did when Henry's insomnia took him as collateral damage- so this was the closest he’d be allowed to come.
“ ‘ts alright” Alex muttered just like always.
“What’s wrong, baby?” He softly whispered.
“Can’t sleep.” Henry chuckled once at the redundancy.
“Making tea?”
“Mhm” Henry hummed.
His voice sounded off. Alex was sure of it now, he had been before but he was sure of it now.
Tight, weak. Shaky.
Familiar signs.
“Hey, can you look at me Hen?” Alex asked.
Henry shook his head.
“Baby, turn around” he sighed.
He turned the man in his arms, who willingly complied.
His eyes and lips were red and swollen, and tear tracks remained on his cheeks.
His lip wobbled a bit.
“Oh, baby-“ Alex whispered, smoothing over his cheeks with his thumbs, hands softly cradling his face.
“What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me. Let me make it better tell me what's wrong” he pleaded.
Henry swallowed and shook his head.
So he was going to be like that.
Alex was familiar with this Henry.
“Okay. Well, what you need is definitely not tea in this case. This is a hot chocolate situation I fear.”.
“I would just like a cup of tea with some milk to calm down, Alex. I swear I’m fine”. Henry argued.
Alex shot him a disbelieving look. “This isn’t fine, and “ a spot of tea ” isn’t going to fix whatever this is. It's okay to not be okay. Don't tell me that you're fine when you need me.”
At Alex's god awful, frankly offensive British accent, Henry cracked a wet smile and a weak chuckle.
“I swear that accent has only gotten worse in our time together,” he smiled.
“See, I think I sound just like your gran. I don’t know what you're talking about. this is an extra marshmallow occasion, actually. I’ve decided. And This is an executive order.” Alex teased, wrapping his arms around Henry’s lower back.
“Ah yes the executive power of the first son, clearly outlined in the constitution.” Henry snarked, but also sighed, relaxing into Alex’s hold, letting his head fall on Alex’s shoulder.
His thumbs began rubbing soft circles in Henry’s back. Like always.
“I gotcha baby, I gotcha.” he promised.
He always did .
“I’m sorry”. Henry whispered.
“Don’t be. You’re not allowed to be.”
They were interrupted by the sound of the kettle announcing itself, causing Alex to untangle them.
Fuck hot chocolate, fuck tea, this was what Henry needed. To be in Alex’s arms, forever, preferably.
Alex produced a few packets of hot chocolate, a canister of rainbow sprinkles, and a bag of marshmallows from the cupboards, as well as a can of whipped cream and a bottle of chocolate syrup from the fridge.
Oh lord.
Within moments, he was producing the spare with two god awful tourist mugs, the steaming moulton of the gods topped with enough whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and sprinkles (and a single Hershey's square that Henry isn’t even sure where Alex produced from on top).
“Shall we make our way to the couch?” Alex proposed.
Henry just slinked down the counters, to seat himself on the kitchen floor.
Alex chuckled. In some ways, long gone is the posh prince Alex thought he couldn’t stand a few years ago. In other ways Henry is still quite the man he met, if not worse. In other ways, Henry was never actually that bad. He loves this man. He loves this man so damn much.
“The floor works too- careful it’s hot!”
Henry looked beside him to Alex, amused. “Yes my love, I can see the steam, thank you.”
“Have you ever even had hot chocolate before?” Alex mused.
“I have”
“Have you had it like this? From a packet?”
“Oh, Absolutely not. Usually Godiva on Christmas Eve, but not since I was a boy. Maybe… maybe actually 10 years”.
Alex chuckled.
“This is better,” Alex assured.
“With you everything is”.
“Aw shit you’re getting sappy on me now? Fuck” Alex whined, petulant child.
Henry took a slow sip.
“Wow, that is sweet ” “That’s the point”.
Henry shook his head and chuckled.
“When I was younger and I couldn’t sleep, like if I had a nightmare or school stress or friends stuff my mom and I would do this. And it always helped and I passed the fuck out right after. We'd make hot cocoa, we'd talk about my feelings, and then I'd feel at least a little better and go out like a light” Alex explained with a sweet smile. Dreamy even.
“I love your mom,” Henry sighed, taking a slow, deep sip.
A little whipped cream deposited itself on his nose, which Alex removed with a loving chuckle.
“Don’t you dare tell her that, it’ll go to her head”
“She’s the president of the United States. How can her ego get worse? She is the leader of the free world” “oh, you’d be surprised… So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong or so I have to pry it out of you with more sugar?” Alex asked, his own coco forgotten to the side, his hand rubbing Henry’s thigh in an attempt to soothe whatever ache was ailing his love.
“I can't fix you if you don't tell me what's broken, baby”.
Henry sighed.
“I had a dream.”
“What kinda nightmare?”
“It wasn’t a nightmare. It was a very nice and good dream. And then I woke up, that's the problem”
“I don’t understand, Hen,” Alex softly inquired.
“I have this recurring dream. Since- since my dad passed.”. Henry swallowed. That sentence never got easier. “Whenever I have a major life event, like my graduations and birthdays and things of the sort, it comes back. Maybe not like, that day, but it comes eventually, it always comes. And he’s there, celebrating it with me. And then I wake up, and-“
Henry’s breath hitched.
“And then I remember he’s not there and it’s not real, and he slips right through my fingers. It's the cruelest, most terrible thing.”.
He hiccuped a single tear, before Alex was taking his cup aside and pulling him into his lap.
“Oh, Hen. Oh baby. I’m so sorry baby, I’m sorry”.
Henry’s wild breath stuttered in his chest, his heart beating wildly against Alex’s chest.
Clinging to him like a lost, scared child.
“Let it out baby, let it out” he whispered, kissing his head.
He didn’t cry too much, just a little, with the soothing circles rubbed on his back and the sweet words whispered in his ear like a balm to the burn.
“I’m sorry-“
“Don’t be sorry, baby. You should have woken me. I love you. I don’t wanna let you hurt alone, ever”.
“Do you want to tell me about this dream, or does it hurt more to do that?”.
A beat passed.
“He met you. This is the first one I’ve had in a long time, and this time he met you.” Henry whispered.
“Oh yeah? Did he like me?” Alex couldn’t avoid the curiosity, he rubbed Henry’s back as he wondered.
“Oh, he adored you” he nearly whined.
“He loved you as much as I do- well. That’s not possible. But he adored you. He told me I chose well, and you two were laughing together, and everything was perfect. Our dads were sitting there, having a beer together, making fun of all the posh arseholes.”
“My dad was there too?” Alex mused out of pure curiosity.
Henry looked distant for a moment.
“It was at our wedding”.
They weren’t engaged. But Alex knew it was coming. Henry didn’t hide his intentions well, not that he minded in the slightest. It was adorable. Henry was just being a perfectionist about the right time, he was sure.
(His money was on their vacation this summer to the lake house. Junes was at his law school graduation party. He was right. For the record. Henry would explain to June that it was Alex's day and he couldn't take the spotlight from him)
“Have you been thinking about it alot lately? That he won’t be there when we get married?”
Henry nodded. “It’s all I can think about lately”. His voice cracked as he spoke.
“Baby… you shoulda told me. I wish we could have talked about this- i didn't know you were going through this… i wish i could have supported you.”
“You've been up to your neck in school work and preparing for the bar. I couldn't…”
“Baby. you're more important than all of that. You gotta let me in so I can take care of you” Alex urged.
Henry nodded but Alex knew. Alex knew he wouldn't listen; he never did.
“Ages ago, after the leak, a few weeks later I had a dream where I came out to him. And he was warm and loving and comforted me. He told me it was okay and he’d love me no matter what and he couldn’t wait to meet the man I loved. It was perfect.” He admitted with a soft sigh. “I’m sure that’s how it would have gone. He loved you and you so much, nothing would have ever changed that. He always sounds wonderful when you tell me about him” Alex agreed.
Henry hiccupped a tear.
Alex didn't know what exactly hit the nerve, but something did.
It was He loved you and you so much, nothing would have ever changed that.
Words Henry told himself for years in his solitary regret of never coming out to his dad, spoken like the truth of god from his lover's lips.
Henry took a minute to collect his breath.
“We didn’t have hot chocolate, but when I couldn’t sleep, we’d walk around the gardens and talk. About anything and everything under the sun. He didn’t have that with Phillip or Bea, they had their own things, and god knows I couldn’t sleep on the best of days before I met you, but that was our special thing”.
“It sounds lovely, hen. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this”. Alex sighed.
“When he got sick, he had a hard time sleeping at night too. The pain from chemo and the fucking cancer itself, it kept him up as much as my insomnia did. So I'd just go into his room, and crawl into his hospital bed with him and talk. Sometimes we'd be up till sunrise, other times we'd fall asleep cuddled up. My father never shied from giving his sons a cuddle. Phillip might have rejected him past 11 but Bea and I never said no to a cuddle with dad” Henry explained.
Henry was a tactile lover. Not just with Alex, but with Bea, Nora and June, and of course Percy. It made sense that he got it from his dad.
“Thank you for talking with me about it”.
“Of course baby, of course. I’ll make you hot cocoa at… 3:47 am, anytime”. Alex promised.
He slid his hand into Henry’s, kissing his knuckles. “I want you to wake me up for these things, okay? You need to let me be there for you. I love you. I want to spend my life with you, you gotta let me in, though. I can’t fix you if I don’t know you’re hurting”
Henry let out a shaky breath.
“I know… I will try.”
“That’s all I want. Just try for me” Alex pleaded..
Henry nodded.
“How are you feeling now, my sweet prince?”. Alex asked, brushing Henry's hair off his forehead.
Henry rolled his eyes at the nickname. “That’s so embarrassing”
Alex smiled.
“Good. That’s the point. Well?”
“I’m… I feel quite a bit better.” He realized.
“Good. Do you think you’ll be able to sleep if we go back to bed?”
“If you hold me, surely”.
Ellen Claremont was right about many things in her life, but talking about your feelings with the one who loves you lost over a cup of hot coco had soothing powers beyond any sleeping pill on the market.
Henry was asleep in Alex's arms before the clock struck 4.