Chapter Text
Its loud. She cant stand the noises.
Mafuyu finds herself standing in an empty void. Is this the empty SEKAI? No... Its cold. And nobody can be found. She stares into the endless void, its eating up her gaze like nothing she sees would matter anyway. She turns around. Before her now, she finds a faceless figure. She can tell its her mother.
"M-Mother..."
Her "mothers" voice is the same as it was ever. Mafuyu can't help but grip onto her arm nervously when she hears it.
"Mafuyu, why wont you come home? You made me very sad by leaving, you know? Come back, Mafuyu. It's only for your best!"
Mafuyu stares at her indifferent. She knows she made this choice... but... she cant help but look at her mothers hand when she reaches out to her. Should she take it? This is what good kids do, do they not? Of course it is. Of course she is a good kid. Of course... she reaches for her mothers hand. Is it by will or not? She can't tell.
"-yu..." ~ "-fuyu!"
Hm? Mafuyu takes her hand back. The void... is lighting up.
"Mafuyu!"
Mafuyu finds herself lying on the couch in Kanade's house. Ah, it was a dream. She slowly sits up and looks over down at her friend, Kanade, who kneels besides her with Mafuyu's hand in hers. Mafuyu feels sweaty, the dream was one she had often these last days.
"Mafuyu! You're finally awake. You were breathing heavily so I- ...I was worried."
Kanade gets up to stand before Mafuyu, making Mafuyu lift her head up to look at her friend. She also lets go of Mafuyus hand with this action, Mafuyu feels wierd...
"Im fine..."
She finally replies after just a few seconds more. Of course... Why was she breathing heavily? It was just a dream. She knew it. She knew she ran away to Kanade for help. Help for what? Help... for...
"Ah, Im glad. What happend, Mafuyu? Did you have a nightmare?"
Mafuyu doesnt reply. She stares down at her hand. She liked the feeling of Kanade's hand... It felt like that one time when she was sick. Kanade always took care of her. Mafuyu looks back up at Kanade and tilts her head. Kanade takes a moment before she gently smiles.
"It's okay, you dont have to tell me."
Kanade seats herself besides Mafuyu. Now on the same height, Kanade talks a bit calmer again.
"Ms. Mochizuki will come soon to take care of the house. I thought about buying something from the store later maybe, we're low on ramen... Do you want anything in particular?"
Mafuyu shakes her head, not even taking the time to think about it.
"No."
"Okay...Uhm... I still wanted to ask you about some lycris... Wait a second, please."
Kanade gets up and comes back with a sheet of paper. She sits down again and hands it to Mafuyu.
"About this part."
Kanade leans closer in to Mafuyu and points her finger at a line on the paper. Mafuyu however seems to be bothered about the fact that Kanade leaned in so suddenly. Why? She doesnt know. But why now of all times? She has been completely fine whenever they were together. Her heart beats heavily in her chest when she feels Kanades hair fall against her shoulder. It hurts, why does her heart ache? Kanade looks at Mafuyu and waits for a reply.
"M-Mafuyu?"
Mafuyu realizes she has just been staring at her friend. She looks back at the paper. What is wrong with her? She felt warmth. It wasn't even Kanade's breath, she felt genuine warmth spread through her head to her chest. It was amlost like listening to a song of Kanade's.
"Sorry."
Mafuyu spends some time in explaining a bit to Kanade, she amlost completely forgets about it again until her thoughts are interrupted by an opening of the front door. Honami walks through and greets them both with a smile when she spots them.
"Good evening, Ms. Yoisaki, Ms. Asahina."
Mafuyu looks away while Kanade gets up to greet Honami. She takes another look at her hand and frowns. Without another word she gets up. Honami and Kanade look back at her suprised when she doesnt say a word, walking straight into Kanade's room and closing the door behind her. Kanade's room is the same as when she first visted it. The blinds are closed, paper is scattered all over the floor and bed, boxes standing on the side and her PC also still seems to be on. Mafuyu sighs, she doesnt know why she came here. She walks over to the PC and traces her fingers along the table. Taking a look on the screen, Nightcord still seems to be opened and Mizuki and Ena also seem to be online for some reason. Mafuyu takes a look over at the headset lying on the table and wonders if she should pick it up and say something. She decides not to. Shortly after, she hears a voice from behind.
"Huh, why are Mizuki and Ena online?"
Mafuyu flinches and turns around quickly. Of course its Kanade, she knew, why did she flinch? Kanade takes a second before she smiles at Mafuyu.
"Should we... say hello?"
Mafuyu takes another look at the screen before she nods silently. Kanade nods in return, sitting down on her chair and disconnecting her headset from her computer so she can have them on speaker with her microphone to talk. Kanade joins their call.
"Mizuki, Ena, good evening."
Just a second later Mizuki and Ena unmute themselves at the same time.
"Kanade?"
"Huh, Kanade? What are you doing here so early?"
"I could ask you both the same thing."
Mafuyu keeps silent for a while before she also speaks.
"Good evening."
Mizuki is the first to answer in a shocked tone.
"Mafuyu?! We didnt hear from you some time!"
Mafuyu doesnt reply. Kanade looks up at her and takes the hint that she'd rather not talk about it for the time being. Kanade quickly changes subject.
"Ah, w-well a lot of things happend. She's just here for the time being. Well, what are you doing here?"
Mizuki takes a moment just making an understanding sound before they begin to chuckle a bit.
"Ah, Enanan wanted to ask about the newest picture, I said it lookes great but for some reason she didnt listen to me and kept working!"
"Hey, you always say they look great, I need honest feedback!"
"Enanan... It was honest feedback."
"No, it wasnt! It looks great. Thats not honest feedback!"
"But anything you make looks great! Im just saying what I think."
"S-Seriously?! I should just not ask you for any feedback in the future!"
Kanade smiles and laughs gently at their "fight" while they go on in the background. It just shows how lively it can be. Mafuyu looks down on Kanade. Ah, her smile, it's... it's... what is it? Why wont her heart tell her why it aches so much? Why it aches only in these moments. She feels like she just wants to embrace Kanade and never let go. Because Kanade will save her, right? Right, this is the only reason. Mafuyu watches for some time until she decides to go back to the livingroom to get her sheet of lycris. Maybe... She could talk about it with them. To no suprise, she meets Honami there. They both are silent for a while before Honami speaks up.
"H-Hello Ms. Asahina. How are you?"
Mafuyu looks at her before she sighs under her breath and decides to go with the usual "good girl act" while putting on a smile...
"Hello. I've been well. It's nice to meet you, Ms. Mochizuki."
Honami smiles a bit.
"That's good. So you're living with Ms. Yoisaki for the time being, I heard. Is everything going alright?"
"Yes, no worries. Im trying not to cause trouble."
"Thats good..."
Honami overthinks for a moment before she speaks a bit clearer.
"Y-You seemed a bit evasive when I came here... Im sorry if I interpreted it wrong but if anything's wrong, please tell me Ms. Asahina."
Mafuyu thinks. She doesnt know why she left so abruptly either. She just looked at Kanade and how happy she seemed when she greeted Honami. It made her heart ache again, but in a way more painful way... Of course, she doesnt know why. But she didnt want this. All she ever does is run in these moments. Running from the pain like she ran from her mother... Mafuyu's look darkens and she looks at the floor. Did she do something wrong? Did her facade fail even here? Honami looks terrified when Mafuyu's look suddenly darkens.
"M-Ms. Asahina? Wh-whats wrong?"
Mafuyu looks back up at Honami. Her facade failed anyway, there's no use anymore.
"I didn't like it... when Kanade got up. I need her near me. I...I ache to be saved."
"G-got up? S-saved?"
Honami doesnt understand. Mafuyu looks back down at her hand. She only felt Kanade's for a mere few seconds but somehow still looks down at it for a third time. It felt so warm, so unspeakably, unbearably, wonderfully warm. A kind of warm which isnt even warm at this point. A kind of warm, which makes you feel safe. A kind of warm, which gives you butterflies...
"I... want her to hold my hand again. I feel saved when she does it. I don't know why. I always want to hold her hand. I always want to hold her! I don't want to see her walk away from me!"
Mafuyu basically yells at this point. Honami still looks at her with a bit more of understanding now.
"You... dont want her to walk away from you? But she never did. She woul-"
"I know! I know she didnt! But I still wanted her by my side! To save me!"
Honami comes back to a gentle smile.
"Oh, I see. You like Ms. Yoisaki very much, dont you?"
Mafuyu stands straight again. Is this even a question? Of course she likes Kanade. Because she will save her. Because she writes songs. Because she was always there for her. Because she... showed her warmth. Because she... gave her... everything when she needed it. Because... she took her in in her most vunerable state. Because... she... loved her like... she did... Mafuyu lets her head down.
"Of course I like Kanade... Because she... Because..."
Why? She just found so many reasons. Because she will save her? No, this is only an excuse she made for herself. She cant even say it. Why? Honami interrupts Mafuyu after she stands there stuttering.
"Because you love her?"
Mafuyu's head shoots straight back up.
"Yes, I love her like..."
A friend?
"...like..."
...
"I love her..."
This hits her deep. Her heart beats strong and loudly. Why does she feel this way? Why does it hurt in the best way? What does it mean to love someone? She doesn't know. Does Mafuyu really love Kanade? And why? How come? Because she was always there for her? Because she helped her when she needed her most? She gasps under her breath, holding onto the fabric above her chest tightly. She gasps one more time when she hears the door open. Both Mafuyu and Honami now look at Kanade. Honami indifferent and Mafuyu visibly shaking.
"H-huh? Whats wrong? Mafuyu, are you okay?"
Kanade rushes to Mafuyu's side and before she can take her arm, Mafuyu steps back. Why would she do that? After she finally figured it out. She stutters when she sees that Kanade seems taken aback by her action.
"Y-you... why are you making me feel like this? What is this? D-Dont touch me!"
"Mafuyu... Wh-what happend?"
Kanade tries to slowly take another step towards her. Mafuyu can already imagine her gentle touch on her shoulder. She goes a bit red and takes another step back. She is terrified of this new feeling she just realized herself. Before she even notices herself, she raises her voice very loudly.
"Get back! Dont touch me!"
Kanade seems suprised at her yell. She lets down her arms and takes three steps back. Mafuyu watches in shock at what she has done. She didnt mean to... Still Kanade talks before she can say anything.
"I... I see... I didnt mean to, Im sorry... Im going to the store."
Kanade knows Mafuyu can be confusing at times, but she also knows that she somehow got to figure out Mafuyu a bit. For now... she doesnt want to be near Kanade. She needs some alone time, perhaps. Does Mafuyu hate Kanade? And why? Kanade doesn't question it. Oh, how she wishes to reassure Mafuyu and hold onto her... But she knows she cannot do this. So she decides to give her time. She turns her back and runs out the door before she can hear anything.
"Wait, Ms. Yoisaki, its raining take an umbrella!"
By this time Kanade was already out the door. Mafuyu looks down on her shaking hands. She lets out a shaky breath and swallows. Honami looks at her.
"Ms. Asahina..."
There is a pause. A long pause. All they're able to hear is Mafuyu's shaky breaths and Honami isnt quite sure if she can say anything further just yet. A solid minute passes.
"...I know. I know I messed up. Im scared... I didn't mean to yell at her... She probably thinks I hate her now."
Mafuyu grips onto her own arms and shakes. Honami puts on a more determined look.
"I know you didnt have any ill intend."
They both just look at each other for a second before Honami claps her hands together, startiling Mafuyu.
"I say you go after her and apologize. It's raining, take an umbrella with you for you both."
Mafuyu hesitates and grips onto her arm more.
"I didnt mean to... I-I love her... I was just panicking."
Honami smiles.
"It's okay. Go and make up with her. She should already be there at the moment."
Mafuyu gets her head higher again and sighs.
"Yes... Yes, I'll apologize."
She looks around the corridor for an umbrella and takes a bigger one to fit both of them under it. She opens the door, looking into the rain and before she leaves, she takes another look back at Honami.
"Thank you... for being a part of saving me."
Honami still didnt quite understand that part but she nods and smiles before Mafuyu closes the door behind her. From Kanade's sight, she checks out a few cups of instant noodles, completely wet from the rain. She also feels her heart beating rapidly from running all the way to this store.
"Thank you for your purchase."
She takes the noodles and holds them under her arm. Before she exits the store, she looks back up at the rain. Its pouring a little heavier now.
"Im already soaked... I guess it doesnt matter now."
She sighs and doesnt make haste this time, just letting the rain soak her even more when she walks back. She cant stop thinking about Mafuyu and about her reaction. Does she hate her? She hopes not... This would be the end to her. She stops at the street and looks left to right. There are some cars far back, she can cross. She looks forward and stops in her tracks when she sees the familiar figure running around the corner from the other side. Oh, she's so happy to see her... but at the same time... does she still hate her? Kanade thinks so for the moment being. But she cannot help but love this girl so dearly... She is so happy to see her at the moment and she'd try her best to make it up to Mafuyu.
"Mafuyu..."
Mafuyu spots the girl standing in the road right away. She smiles brightly, she knows its her genuine smile. She has always used her genuine smile with Kanade. Oh, the relief she feels when she knows she's about to apologize and make up with her love. Mafuyu has already thought of a thousand ways to say "sorry" on her way. But this time... it's genuine, she really wants to make it clear to Kanade that she means it. She herself could never bear to see another day with Kanade looking at her saddend. Mafuyu herself is also completely soaked at this point, she didnt want to use the umbrella just yet and wait for this special moment.
"Kanade..."
Kanade smiles and in her happiness, she forgot she was standing still. She forgot just where she was standing. And... It was this fatal forgetfulness what ruined it all. This fatal, pure moment of just smiling at each other, wanting to tell the other something so badly and only focusing on this thought. It only took a mere second, it only took a mere step. Mafuyu could only get one step closer when both of them were smiling at each other. And the next thing she sees is... red. Mafuyu's eyes get wide before she can even stop smiling and realize what happend.
"......"
Mafuyu doesnt say a word. The car, which has ruined it all, stops. Kanade... shes... not where Mafuyu was smiling at. Its red, everything is red. Oh god. Oh why? Why? She doesnt care about the rain anymore. She doesnt care about people getting out of the car. They stand around that one spot that Mafuyu just wants to run to an weep. And so she does. She's slowly making her way over, sloppily even.
"...No..."
She falls onto her knees right besides the girl she just smiled at. The people around them talk loudly and call the police or an ambulance, Mafuyu can't tell. She doesnt want to hear it either. This beautiful girl... And her glowing silver-white hair gets damped in red. A deep red. Mafuyu can't help it now. She begins to cry, cry like she never has before, cry like its the last tears she has left in this world. The blood on the floor is mixing up with the water from the rain.
"K-Kanade... I-I didn't get... get to t-tell you... I was sorry..."
She takes her once dear friend and first love into her arms. She doesnt care about the blood, she only wants to hold her, to hold onto her for dear life. She's sorry. She's so sorry... But she never will be able to say it again. Did Kanade hate her? Mafuyu hates herself for it. She swears she felt a weak grip at her sleeve, but maybe it was just imagination. There will not be an happy ending. It's not like this is some text where the story can turn out differently by pure magic of writing. Soon, sirens can be heard. Many people yell around.
It's loud. She can't stand the noises.