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“I’m sorry,” Becker starts, as Hailey bandages her bruised and swollen arm. “About the fight. I wouldn’t want to do this if I were you, so I wouldn’t. It… Means a lot?”
Hailey stopped bandaging for a moment, and simply stared. “What?” Becker questioned, turning her head over her shoulder to face her, “Why are you staring at me like you want me to-“
“I don’t want anything from you, Becker.” Hailey replied, cutting her off with absolute certainty. “What?” Becker’s voice went up an octave and choked at the last vowel, and she felt herself start to shake, a shake she halted in its tracks the moment it registered.
“I said, I don’t-“
“Can we not talk… Right now?” This time, Becker couldn’t hold back her lip from quivering. She turned around the other way again, she couldn't face Hailey right now. Not like this.
“Oh…” Hailey stuttered out, “Yeah, sure. If that’s what you need. Sorry to… Ruin the mood!”
“No- Hailey! You didn’t- I’m sorry. For dragging you into all of this. Scott wasn’t home and… Well the guy that I was fighting for is my usual bandage upholder. He wouldn’t have exactly been thrilled."
Hailey simply watched her, and it was then that Becker felt most like she wanted to cry.
Hailey wasn't getting mad.
Everyone always got mad!
Why wouldn't she?
"What did you think about, when you decided to fight them?" Hailey says quietly, biting her lip as she waited for a response.
Becker froze. She had to answer, didn't she? There was no world in which she didn't owe Hailey at least that much.
"Nothing, I guess. I just knew that he said something about my friend that made my blood boil. A lot of people are stronger when they think while upset, angrier, and I… I get it too much. Too extreme. I'm a flash of emotion without thoughts, they're just… Too big for me. I can’t handle them well enough, so I explode. And sometimes I'm scared of myself, because it feels to me like I'm merciless, and if I think that, in my own world where I'm perfect like everyone is in their own heads, what does everyone else think?"
Something wrapped around her mid section. It took a moment to realize what it was, but soon Becker did.
Hailey was hugging her.
"I'm sorry, Becker." She said, "I didn't want to ever make you cry." Wait…
She was crying?
It was only then that she felt the hot tears drop down from her eyes at an incomprehensible speed.
And her shirt was wet…
Hailey was crying too.
"I… I'm sorry for breaking you, Hailey."
"Breaking me?"
"You're fourteen, you shouldn't have to deal with this."
"You're thirteen, and you do!"
"Yeah, I know, but… But I'm already broken."
"Becker… You're not broken. You're wonderful, I want to be like-"
Becker whipped around to face her.
"You don't want you to be like this, Hailey! Ever!"
"Like what?"
"Like me!"
"What's wrong with you? You're funny, and smart, and sweet when you want to be? You're a good person Becker, you're-"
"I'm not! Stop saying that!"
"That you're good? You are! Becker… Please… Just…"
Becker looked to the side, only to have Hailey grab her wrists to face her. God, why was she touching her?
"Look at me, Becker!"
"I didn't give consent for you to touch me Hailey!"
"No! But-"
"Hailey, listen!"
"I'm listening!"
"Let go then!"
"No-"
Becker pulled out of her grip in one smooth motion.
"Why are you so intent on being a bad person, Becker?"
Both girls froze, the words stuck in mid air.
"You wouldn't understand Hailey, you're the good guy. You get to save the world for people, over and over again everyday because you make that day better. I'm not even human anymore. You're perfect… Except, when you're not. And then you shatter others so you stay intact."
"How is that the good guy? This is why I need you Becker- I-"
"The good guy always gets to stay good. No matter what they did. I'm not the good guy Hailey! I've been bad and hurt and inhuman for as long as I could understand what people said to me! I'm always pinned, I'm always in a bad situation, always the wrong place wrong time, and whatever I do I just prove people right!"
"You're not inhuman!"
"Yes, I am, and if you liked me as a person you wouldn't care!"
"I do like you!"
"Really? Like? Hailey, I used to look at you, and only be able to love everything you did! I don't anymore because I don't want you to become inhuman. There's no way back. Except to actually be loved, and I can't be loved by anyone right anymore."
"You… Loved me?"