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Unbelievable things come our way from time to time. Life gives us chances that it’d be a shame to waste. Severus was a man who came from nothing but squalor. He knew everything about how it felt when others saw your filth. When you couldn’t wash it out or hide it. However others could.
He could feel the tall man’s silver eyes burning into him from across the room every Order’s meeting. Studying him. So far yet it felt so up close. Despite how much Sirius could hide it before, he couldn’t fool Severus now. He could see the rot of the man coming from within. Once an effortless beauty now spoiled and deteriorated. The glooming man was slowly becoming sloppy and unshaven. The stale smell of liquor began to linger. Soon even his prized godson would be able to see the slop.
It didn’t surprise Severus when Dumbledore came to talk about his ailment. As irritating as it was, sleeplessness wasn’t something he didn’t have a remedy for. Not something he didn’t expect the disheveled man to have as well. His own insomnia creeped in at certain times, causing him to have the sleeping draught be ready at all times.
That night at the headmaster’s request, he collected the batches of the dark plum coloured potion and flooed his way to the apartment he oh so despised. The stench of the man. The dust that began to set in in the corners. Even after years he couldn’t forget it. He made his way through the dark empty kitchen to where the staircase was. It was the dead of night. The house was quiet besides the creak of the floor beneath the thin man’s footsteps.
As he couldn’t find the man anywhere else in the gloomy house, he made his way straight for the bedroom. The cool air hugging his skin. The shadow’s looming behind. As he got closer he felt the presence. Even in the distance he could feel it. Ever since they met. He could always feel him nearby.
His room was decorated in the sickly crimson colors, full of old junk and lewd muggle posters. The stink of that pathetic childhood rebellion phase was everywhere. As Severus creeped through the door, he spotted the dark figure in front of the open windows. A cool fog fought to come into the wam lit room. The only lit room within that hour.
His dark curls adorned his face as he turned around. His dove gray eyes studying him from head to toe.
‘Here I thought you wouldn’t come’
‘It is a true miracle I bothered’ Snape remarked smoothly, placing a few flasks onto the table by the inviting fireplace. His cold gaze repulsed Severus yet he didn’t leave just yet. ‘This potion is not difficult to come by. Could have sent for someone to pick it up around any brewery. Yet you requested me’ It was strange. That intrigued Severus.
‘Can’t send for an old friend?’ Sirius’ words came out with a mocking tone. Yet his previous attempts to demean Severus have fell flat, looking at his own dire situation. Stuck in a place he loathed. Feeling useless. Something Severus always reminded him of at every meeting. He could see that made Sirius slowly lose his marbles.
Severus has never been alone with him before. Not like this. Not in his bedroom. That night Sirius hadn’t sent for him just to set some petty score or to continue arguing and bickering as they were. It was a different fight for dominance. Something they didn’t know they needed. The rough chapped kiss came in a flash. No words needed. Just all skin and teeth. Biting. Scratching. Sucking until the tended spot turned a shade of blue.
At first Severus was ashamed to let it go on for as long as it did. Yet his coarse touch made him feel like he was finally awake again after a life long slumber. So sinful. So rough. Their kisses were always aggressive. So much as to draw blood from both of their lips.
This didn’t stop them from arguing. Spitting insults at each other. No one suspected a thing. Apart from when their eyes met for too long. The eyes never lie. Nevertheless, the Weasley’s were none the wiser when they settled in. Severus came when everyone’s sleep was deep and left after he was done with the man. Over time, he would notice him give the pale professor a desperate glance as he left his warm bed. Returning to his own sorrowful, sullen corner within the cold, stony castle . Despite being a Griffindore, the courage to ask Severus to stay came after many many visits.
After everything, he stayed. Their history made Severus feel a fool yet here he was. In a bed of his tormentor. Perhaps he loathed himself that much. He shivered as the other whispered how he wasn’t as pious as the others took him to be. Only he would now know. That was something only Sirius was allowed to see. To whisper petty jibes and mouth all over his gaunt figure. Brush his fingers over every bone. He disgusted himself. Severus simply lacked the stomach for the agony he brought upon his own life.
After a certain heated night, there was a first time he felt a string of affection for the now scrawny, disheveled man laying next to him. At first it came in a faint flash inside his chest as he felt the other fidget next to him. Mumbling something to himself in his sleep. After a couple of nights like this he awoke to the man trembling uncontrollably. Like a thin tree in a strong, windy thunder. He sat up, whispering ‘Lumos’ in as much of a collected voice as he could muster, inspecting the other’s concerning state. Sirius’ face was all scrunched up, his voice gasping for air as it coughed out some gibberish. Severus knew night terrors all too well yet never had to deal with someone going through one. As the other began to mewl out a scream he immediately pulled him closer, helping the other bury his head into his shoulder to muffle out his pained scream.
Now the consistent use of the quieting charm made more and more sense to Severus. Apart from their heated visits, he had other things to hide.
As he began instinctively rocking the now wailing man, Severus hummed a low tune into his ear. Reminiscent of his own wound reversing spell. Slowly yet surely he was lulling Sirius back to a sound sleep. His quiet and soft voice helped him continue calming the man down. Wiping his wet tear stained cheeks as he settled him back into bed.
The occurrence has sparked a protective side inside of Severus once again. He liked it. He liked being able to gently take care of something. He didn’t have that much of a chance to do it in his day to day life. Although seeing Sirius in such terror has tugged at his soft heart strings. He liked being able to hold and coo him. Even if he wouldn’t admit it.
Sirius didn’t want to talk about it or give it any explanation for a while. He wasn’t going to argue about it. He didn’t care. Severus just slipped out before the first rays of sunlight and didn’t see him until the evening.
The man became impatient with Severus. Throwing hissy fits when he didn’t come see him some nights. That of course irritated Severus as he was a busy man, having to deal with children on a day to day basis already. However he found himself always wanting to come back. Becoming more irritable himself the longer he stayed away. Sirius still disgusted him. His smug expressions repulsed him. However he enjoyed feeling someone next to him at night. Even with the occasional loud awakenings. Then came a point where they just began sleeping next to each other. No sex. Just feeling the other man’s skin warm up against his own. The crackling of the fireplace that heated up the room. The soft rain tapping outside the stained glass window.
Severus told himself there was nothing serious or romantic about it. Just helped lull the other to sleep on particularly agonizing nights. He enjoyed being held in return. Sirius’ arms became stronger as he got healthier and gobbled less booze. Severus secretly obsessed over his tight grip on him at night. Despite it occasionally feeling like he was clinging onto him for dear life.
Years have passed until they could properly meet again. Before the excruciating battle leading to Voldemort’s fall. At the dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack, he heard the other’s footsteps come close. He recognised the pattern as the ground began to spin from underneath him. Only being brought back to hard earth as he heard the healing lullaby. The one he taught him. The sickly taste of the antidote on his lips nourished his body, washing it of Nagini’s toxin.
He took in the other right in the hospital wing as he woke up. As much as they both wanted to put up some front, to pretend they never thought about each other after Severus’ “betrayal”, they couldn’t wait any longer.
Of course, people found their relationship odd, knowing their background. Severus was looked down on for laying with his tormentor like that. The judgment not being something that was not without reason. He wouldn’t have stayed with the man long if the other didn’t repent for everything. Sobbing into his robe, groveling on his knees. Begging for forgiveness. Severus could only hold onto the past for so long before it began eating him alive. Seeing the repulsive, arrogant boy beg for his forgiveness cleansed the pain away. Over time the people’s confusion faded as well, letting them properly ease into a life together after the war. Picking up the pieces slowly.
Severus peeled open his eyes to a cold autumn morning. It was an ungodly hour, however the first rays of sunlight should have begun painting the dawn sky. Instead the sky was gray and murky. The mist had set itself around their house, obscuring the fields ahead.
Nevertheless, Severus turned his attention more towards the empty space next to him, still faintly warm. Sirius was far from an early bird. In fact he cursed every single morning that came so the strangeness of the situation called for Severus to investigate.
The wooden floors creaked beneath Severus’ bare feet as he wandered through the quiet halls of their house, squinting into every dark corner. He didn’t like it when the house was too quiet. He was used to having a quiet, lonely life before. That changed after Sirius. All it took was one man.
As he passed the front door next to the living room he paused, noticing that the locks were undone. ‘Bugger’ he whispered to himself as he pulled his night robe tighter around himself, pushing the heavy wooden door open.
The icy gust of air hit his face immediately, almost blowing him back. After collecting some more determination, he pushed past the cold breeze and made his way forward. The morning dew on the grass wet his feet as he strode forward. He yelled his lover’s name yet the whistling sound of the wind muffled it out, continuing to blow him back.
He was left with no option but to hopelessly wander further into the dawn’s thick fog, clutching his arms around himself. His feet adjusted to the cold, prickly mud of the English countryside. Sirius used to want to live closer to people. That began to change as his terrors got worse. It was understandable. The auror’s position became more tiresome as he climbed the ranks. Severus’ work within the ministry took most of his time as well, causing him to fall asleep in the office and rarely having time for much else.
The pale man exhaled a sigh of relief as he saw a small hunching figure in the distance, staring ahead at the mist obscured fields. As he ran up closer he noticed that he was in his padfoot form. A large, black dog. Its fur now damp from the dew and the mud.
‘What in Merlin’s name- if you don’t quit pulling these foolish stunts’ he complained, attempting to pull the warg-like creature back on its four feet. ‘Go back inside at once!’ All he got in return was a nuzzle into his hip bone, the heavy creature not budging a single bit. With a defeated sigh Severus ran his slim fingers through the soft, jet fur, holding his dog lover for a little while. ‘What has gotten into you’ Severus crouched on his knees to the sitting dog's level, inspecting his paws. ‘Sirius.. Is that blood?’
With a whimper, the dog had begun transforming itself back into his man form. Ivory skin revealing itself from under the shaggy, matted fur. This made the tiny crimson rivers more visible as they rushed down from his forearms and shoulders. Upon closer examination, he could tell the other had scratched himself too deep. The wounds were fresh. ‘Love’ Severus muttered as he pulled his robe off himself, wrapping it around his nude lover. ‘Come back inside’ He gently pulled him to his feet, guiding him on the path back to their house, now encased in a thick fog in the distance. Sirius didn’t answer him. Just nodded and let himself be guided.
As he sat the trembling man down on the couch, he rushed back to his medical cabinet, dirtying up the polished floors with his muddy feet. Sirius still didn’t bother explaining himself. Just sat there in his robe as Severus applied dittany to the scratches.
‘I didn’t wanna worry you’ He mumbled out as Severus finished up with tending to his wounds.
‘Well you have now’ With another defeated sigh and a pinch on his nose bridge, he sat down next to him. ‘Are you going to explain yourself?’
Sirius looked down at his knees shamefully, only responding when Severus ran his fingers through his hair, leaning into his touch. ‘Do you need a calming draught?’
‘No I uh-… I’m sorry.. That you had to deal with this’ He placed his hand on Severus’, finally looking back at him. ‘I had a bad one again.. I dunno, just something came over me’ He whispered out, his breath hitching when Severus kissed his forearm.
‘You have to go see someone for this’ Severus stated firmly. He was tired of seeing Sirius like this. Tired of coming home to him in this state.
‘No I don’t, it’ll go away.. It always does..’ Sirius rasped, trying to come up with a reason as to refuse the help. ‘I just can’t stop seeing them lately.. Since you’ve been away more, it all just came back’ He looked like a lost puppy with that look. It was rare to see him talk so timidly, making the sight more painful to endure.
Severus tried to gently pull him closer, careful with his touch. Like he was handling a skittish animal. ‘That place. It’s long gone.. It’s only me and you here’
‘I know, I can’t help it’ He nuzzled his face into the thin man’s shoulder, like he used to during every terror. Severus just carefully placed his head on top of his, pressing up against him for a moment. The room was still and dim. Barely any light coming through the open crack in the blinds. The silence felt deafening at some points. ‘Are we going soft?’
‘Just the occasional slip up’ A corner of his mouth curled upward into a smile for just a split second. Severus listened in on the rain softly beginning to tap on the window, attempting to interrupt their peaceful moment. ‘Let’s go upstairs. Judging by your state, you are in a dire need of sleep. I promise, I’ll shoo away any dementors’
‘You know, you look like one from time to time’ Sirius attempted to lighten the mood, jumping from a sudden pinch in response. ‘Arsehole!’
‘Whoever keeps telling you that you are amusing is lying to you’ he responded curtly, carefully pulling the pouting man back onto his feet. ‘We can deal with our little ‘situation’ in the morning… You need to rest’ Sirius didn’t resist the other’s lead, just let himself be guided back to their bedroom. Back into their soft sheets. Back into Severus’ warm arms. With that, he didn’t need nothing else.
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