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“Oh fuck… I’m in love with him.”
That’s how it all started.
The sudden realization left my lips in a panic as the darkness caressed my body less lovingly than the arms collapsed around my waist.
Oh fuck, Ei.
Then brought on the next three weeks of absolute torture. My mental health was depleting almost as quickly as my guilt rose that night.
It wasn’t anything monumental that should have shocked me so. All I was doing was scrolling on a news website, where I saw Him . It was normal, we were all in the news often as pro heroes. But the topic of the article was whether Pro Hero Deku would stay Japan's finest bachelor for much longer.
And then I thought,
Fuck, no. He’s mine.
Then I realized.
Fuck me, I’m in love.
I should have known before now, before I fell in love with this beautiful man that curls against me at night. I should have known before I grew to love this dork of a guy. I should have known since I was six, when I first started picking on Deku. I should have known when we were ten when I wouldn’t let him dance with anyone except me.
I should have known when I got on my knees to beg for his forgiveness .
I should have known.
And now I do, but fuck if my timing isn't hell in my mind.
Because Eijiro crawls into bed with a soft, tired smile, climbing on top of me and all I can think is of my betrayal. Not the way his skin elctrocutes minne, or the way his hands know the perfect path down my body.
All that can run through my head is the fact that, emotionally, I’m cheating on my best friend. And physically, that makes me ill.
I duck out from under his soft grip, his tower of a body falling to the side on the bed as he stares, confused at me.
Tears grow in my eyes and I have no other choice but to bolt and hide in our shared bathroom.
In mine and my fiance’s bathroom .
Fuck, this is a mess .
---
I can’t look at him, can’t talk to him. He looks at me so sad and I have absolutely no idea how to fix this, fix me . I’m broken and a mess and I need to get away.
So I spend my time at work, where I can only avoid my fiance so much.
And fuck me, Izuku transferred to our agency three weeks ago .
But where else am I going to go?
My fiance and best friend, and the object of my very unjust and wrongful desire.
Both at my work, both in my community, both in my bubble.
I can’t handle this.
---
Ei’s angry. I’m angry. We’re both angry.
I’m angry because I hate myself, I’m angry because I’m not worth it to him.
He’s angry because he doesn’t understand my abrupt mood change.
“Katsuki.” His voice is firm and I wobble in my stance.
I’m so weak .
“Katsuki, look at me.” It’s so hard for me to resist, so I don’t, I look. And he’s sad, He’s not angry, he’s sad . That’s my fault . “Are you… Do you not want… to be with me anymore, Katsuki?”
Tears are in my eyes and my jaw drops. He looks pained and I can’t say anything, not a single word. The question is so profound and heartbreaking and I have to hold back an actual physical gasp from the sound of my heart physically ripping in half.
“No?” He spoke after a moment of my wrenching silence. “I don’t either Kats but something wrong. Something’s not giving, baby.”
“Are we breaking up right now?” My voice is empty as I stare, eyes glazed endlessly. My soul is out of my body, my heart is on the floor under Ei’s metaphorical boot and I’m not prepared. I’m not ready .
It’s happening .
I’m going to lose you forever.
“Not if you can talk to me Kats. I don’t want to lose you, tell me whats wrong. Tell me what happened . Did I hurt you? Was it me ?” Eijiro sounded positively pleading and it took everything in my to not fall to the floor and start sobbing.
I’ve always hated the “It’s not you, it’s me” but fuck, it ain’t him.
“I… am in love with Izuku.” The tears fell easily as I stared into his shocked, hurt gaze. His eyes were widened and his mouth was agape only slightly but, fuck, it would have hurt less if I took a chainsaw to my chest.
“Oh,” It’s all he said. He stared at me. An then sat down. “Oh.”
I wanted to follow him, plead, beg, grovel, tell him it would go awya, but my feet were planted to the ground and my mouth wouldnt move.
“I understand Kats. I’ll uh… I’ll move out soon then, get out of your hair-”
How did we get here. How are you saying these, fight, fight, fight. Scare me, yell at me, hit me, please . Do somehting. I can’t handle this.
“I love you still. Too.” What was that? What the fuck? It was all he could say, all he could think. His brain was stopped and the tears were growing. He was ready to drop to the ground and never wake up again but he couldn’t, all he could do was stand there mindlessly and shred his fiance’s heart. “I love you but I love him too and I hate myself for it, but I think I’ve loved him forever.” He was babbling now as Eijiro just looked up at him, a soft frown on his face and his eyes watery.
“I know.” It was quiet, small. But my head whipped over to him from where I had been staring at the floor.
“Hah-?”
“I’ve known you love Izuku, I’ve known that ever since I met you. And I guess I was just selfish in hoping maybe you would never notice because then I wouldn’t lose you but that’s not what you deserve Kats. You deserve to love him-”
“But I love you -” I cut him off, my throat catching as tears fell and fell and my knees grew week. He caught me he always catches me. “I love you, Ei and I don’t think I can ever stop.”
It wasn’t fair to him, to say that. Because we both know I will always be in love with Izuku.
His hand, large hand, cradled my face and his kind gaze my own an I sobbed again, leaning into his warm, safe, comrofting touch.
“I’ll never stop loving you Kats. Never.”
This will never be fair.
“I just want, I just-” I sobbed again and he held me in a tight, soul crushing hug. He body shook lightly against mine and I could inly sob harder as I felt a single, warm drop land on my cold, bare shoulder.
“I know baby. I know.” His voice was one of the missing melodies that I could never live without.
And that wasn’t fair.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I choked on the words, on the underlying meaning and he only nodded against my neck and tugged me impossibly closer.
“I know baby. I’m sorry too.”
---
It’s been a week.
God it’s only been a week.
It’s been hell.
Ei hasn’t moved out so we’ve just been avoiding each other and he eventually took some time off to go visit his family. I’ve been alone in the apartment and god has it been hard. I never realized that losing him would be like losing a piece of my soul .
Ei’s gone and so is my mental headspace. Izuku has noticed, among other colleagues who don’t matter. Izuku has noticed and he’s stepped up.
“So… is why you’ve been so moody the same reason Eiji is off at his parents house for the next week?” His tone was hesitant yet curious. Soft and prodding but careful.
Katsuki slammed his head back, barely reacting as he closed his eyes and grunted in affirmation.
“Did you guys… fight?” He asked more hesitantly this time, sitting on the couch that Ei and I got as a first piece of furniture for this apartment. Our apartment .
“We broke up.” My voice was hoarse and gravelly and I winced when It bounced back to me. Weak, pathetic. Sick.
“What??” His shock was loud to my pounding skull and didn’t lift my mood int he slightest. “No but you guys- You guys were perfect for each other!” Izuku, for some reason, seemed to be personally affected by this change and I could only stare. My calculating gaze running over him, analysing him as he seemed on the verge of a panic attack. “You can’t not be together… what happened Kats?”
I’m not in the right headspace-
“You.”
“Wha-”
“I love you.”
Izuku stared and I got up to grab a glass of water, leaving him to stew. Not yet had my brain caught up to my actions as my emotionality was dulled by the loss of my best friend, part of my soul, piece of me, my better half.
“Kacchan. You guys can’t break up over me.” His tone was so final, so bold and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You think I chose this Deku?” I whip my gaze over to him. “You think I wanted to hurt my best friend like this? I want to marry him! But I love you and I’ve always loved you and I can’t stop . SO I can’t marry him. Because I should only love him but I can’t .”
We both had tears running down our faces and I didn’t understand.
I don’t understand.
“Why the fuck are you crying Deku.” My tone was hard and my glare was sharp and I sure as shit wouldn’t want to fuck me but Deku looked about ready to jump out of a window for me and that doesn’t make sense .
“Kacchan. I’ve loved you since we were four.” He sniffled softly, growing closer. “And I’ve loved Eiji since our second year of high school.”
My eyes were wide and I had to grasp the counter behind me to keep myself from falling on my ass.
“Wha-”
“You can’t break up with him over me Kacchan. You are perfect together and I won’t let you guys bury this over me . Don’t you understand? It would ruin me if you threw this away for me . You can’t .”
He was growing closer and there was nowhere Katsuki to stumble to to add distance.
“Call him, bring him home, and marry him. You both deserve it. I know, I’ve seen you together.” Izuku’s smile was teasing but there were still tears falling down my face and my body was frozen as he lay a soft kiss to my cold, frozen cheek. His warm, plush lips against my skin matched the electricity I felt from Ei grabbing my waist and- and suddenly my brain froze again, on a subconsciously conjured mental image of Ei holding Izuku in his arms and nuzzling into his hair and I’m making dinner and-
I hate this.
Izuku is gone, long gone now. He abandoned my apartment in a rush and I only now realized my phone was in my hand and Ei’s voice was flooding this room.
“Kats? Whats wrong- did something-!”
“Come home. Come home to me Ei, please.” I hung up without a response and dropped my phone to the ground. My knees buckled and my back hit the counter.
I don’t understand.
I can’t handle this.
---
I still don’t understand by the time Ei comes bursting through the door, a worried look on his face and a frntic, searing gaze. He finds me and rushes over, easily cradling me in his large enveloping grasp.
“He told me he loves me.” I said without thinking, looking up to meet his eyes. The eyes full of hurt, of worry, of pain .
I understand the pain .
He masks it quickly and smiles softly. “That’s great Kats. What-”
“He told me he loves you too.”
The silence spoke volumes and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know.
I don’t understand .
Again.
“He told you that?”
I nod, lost now. “He told me it would kill him if we lost us over him.” I choke. It’s hard to breathe.
Eijiro lays a hand on my arm and my throat loosens, I can breathe again, thank you.
“I don’t know, Ei, I don’t understand .”
“I know.”
“I hate your loss , I cna’t do it. I hate your absense. I love you Ei. I love you so much. But I love him too but that’s not fair . This isn’t fair Ei! ” I sob and he sits next to me against the counter. My head falls to his shoulder and his hand finds my hair.
The spot. He finds it, the spot that lulls me into comfort everytime he touches it. I melt for him . Over and over, now is no exception.
My body curls into his.
“You’re always so warm Ei.” I say randomly, melting into him and hopefully becoming part of him. I want to be whole again. I want to feel complete again .
Come home to me, Ei, I need you.
“You’re so quiet.” I say with a frown. I can’t understand and he’s not helping.
“I dont know what to say Kats. I mean, I want you to be happy. I want to be happy with you. But you don’t look happy and I don’t - I don’t know how to make you happy Kats.”
We stayed quiet for a long time.
“He said he loves me?” Ei asked softly, our fingers intertwined.
“He did. Really.” I couldn’t help but laugh softly. “And then he just walked out. He said that and just walked out and I didn’t even know that little Deku had the nerve .”
Ei snickered lightly.
“He kissed my cheek too. Before he left, I mean.” Katsuki didn’t feel right not spilling. He had to. Not out of guilt but he felt Ei should know, would like to know?
Ei’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Wow. That’s surprising honestly.” It seemed something was churning in his head and Ei suddenly shot up, picking me up as well. He was so gentle and strong my heart fell loose from its confines inside my chest and easily landing in the palm of his hands once again. He dropped me otno the plush couch and walked away, tearing through his bags for something.
“Ei?”
“Shh, hold on.”
“Ei!”
He glanced my way before dialling someone and bringing the phone to his ear.
“Can you come over, please?”
Eijiro sighed.
“Okay, see you in a few.”
“Ei, who was that?” I questioned with a raised brow as Ei threw minself onto the couch, head in my lap like a needy dog. “Ei?”
He just nuzzled into my leg and my hands automatically found their way to his hair.
I still don’t understand but hes my lap and I’m not crying .
I yank his hair lightly a he continues to ignore me. “Tch, asshole.”
There a quick few soft raps on the floor and Ei calls for them to come in.
In walks an undeniable ball of fluffy green hair and i have no reaction but to freeze.
“C’mere.” Ei scoots over and pats the spot on the couch next to lying torso. Izuku raises a confused brow but follows along anyway.
Obedient .
Eijiro’s head is still in my lap and he’s now on his back so he’s facing up to look at me.
“Kats told me what you said, Izu.” Ei started and I had absolutely no idea where this was going.
Izuku blushed lightly but nodded despite any embarrassment. “You guys are perfect for each other and I don’t want a silly crush-”
“Shhh, I’m not done.” Ei hushed, lifting a finger to Izuku’s plush lips.
He lingered longer than I expected and I really wasn’t sure what the endgame was here.
“Izuku, I want you to kiss Katsuki.” He spoke authorativley and I choked while Izuku gasped. We both blushed furiously.
“Ei what are you-”
“Shh, Kats, just shut up for once.”
Izuku looked between us with a soft, curious, frightened look.
He looks like a lost little bunny.
“Eiji, are you sure?” He stared holes into Eis head, who was just smiling softly, coaxingly.
“Go on, don’t be shy.”
Judging off the way Izuku's questioning glance was directed towards me, I understand that he was completely out of the loop as well.
But Ei was never much of an act out of a jealous rage kind of person and I also know he would never set us up like this if he didn’t have something full of heart on his mind.
So, I curled a finger in my own direction, giving the hither sign and Izuku padded over slowly before sending an unsure look to Ei and then bending down in a flash to peck me on the lips. He pulled away faster then he came down and my eyes flutter open in shock, as the had reflexively closed because of Izuku’s attack.
“Izuku, kiss him. Don’t be scared. Just kiss him, okay bun?” Now Ei’s hand was holding Deku’s and I watched in fascination as Deku’s shoulders dropped and he stooped to my level before leaning in slowly, attempting to let me participate this time.
It was weird, with the weight of Ei’s head in my lap and his gaze on us but our lips brushed softly before I pushed forward. Izuku gasped softly and I happily took the opportunity to explore his mouth with my own.
It was euphoric.
His lips were soft and like clay against my own and his little noise, he made a little noise that had me absolutely pulling him in closer to feel more of him on me. I felt Ei’s gaze on us and that only pushed me further to make this the best kiss of Izuku’s fucking life.
It was a few more seconds before he pulled away, mouth agape and eyes fluttered closed. They opened slowly and the blush along his cheeks matched the glazed look in his eyes.
My gaze darted from my- from Izuku’s blissed out expression to my fiancés look.
He looked… pleased. Proud. I’m not sure if my eyes are working. Maybe Deku broke my brain.
Before I could say anything though, Ei was off my lap and infront of Izuku. He was no longer looking at me, his fierce red eyes met unsure green ones.
Ei’s big, soft hand hesitantly melded onto Izuku’s cheek. Deku gasped and Ei smiled softly.
“Izu…”
I watched, enraptured, as Ei’s eyes fell down to Izuku’s lip and back up to his big round eyes.
“Can I please kiss you?”
Izuku didn’t say anything but slammed his mouth shut and nodded hastily.
Ei chuckled and I watched an actual shiver run up Izuku’s spine from the pleasant sound.
And then Ei leaned in. Izuku stayed still in his spot, frozen with wide eyes as Ei got closer and closer.
Eijiro laughed lowly, pulling Izuku closer to him and leaning down so their lips were barely brushing.
“Relax, bunny.”
Izuku went to say something but Ei was on him before he could.
I watched with rapt attention as Izuku sighed into the kiss, leaning into him and throwing his arms around Ei’s neck. The redhead smiled into the kiss and grabbed him softly by the waist to bring him closer so now they were chest to chest and Ei was positively preening at Izu’s pleasant reactions to his touch.
Holy fuck they’re cute.
Together.
Their kiss was soft, yet sensual and held my rapt attention until the very end when Ei pulled back and Izu followed with a tiny whine.
The green headed man blinked his eyes open and pulled away with a furious blush.
Ei sighed easily, pulling Izuku up to sit on the couch with him before smiling at both of us.
Izuku’s tinier form was stuffed into Ei’s side and the redhead’s large hand was rested on the inside of my thigh comfortably.
“Yeah, I think this will work very well.”
“Eiji-“ Deku started but was stopped by Ei’s small, quick, silencing kiss on his very surprised lips.
“Yeah okay.” He sighed breathily after pulling away from the short kiss.
“So what does this mean, Ei?” I asked, dodging another silencing kiss in order to get some real answers.
“I love you.” He spoke earnestly, staring into my eyes (my soul, actually). He held the stare (so he doesn’t need a kiss to silence us…) before moving on to Deku, whose eyes were darting between us insecurely. “And I’ve liked you for a very long time.”
“Y-You have!?” Izuku blinked, trying to move to stare at Ei face to face but the boulder wouldn't budge.
“I actually never realized until Kats said he loved you because I was so tunnel vision on loving him . But I woke up and I realized, I was hiding my feelings for from even myself and I didnt even realize.” Ei was sacrificial but he sounded so sincere, this couldn’t be made up. Not with the way he’s staring at Deku now, no way.
“You… You mean it?” Izuku asked meekly, tears in his big round eyes.
Ei smiled softly and kissed him one more time, holding him gently and squeezing my thigh amidst it.
I blushed a little when I realized how much I liked watching these two kiss.
“So we all… like each other? Why the fuck have I been crying then?!” I shouted.
I hate crying .
“Because none of us know how to use our big boy words.” Ei responded with another squeeze to my thigh and I glowered at him. Izuku hid his giggle behind a cough when I glared down at him.
“Asshole. I hate you.”
He rolled his eyes fondly. “Aww, baby what did I do?”
“You haven’t kissed me yet.”
“Oh such a salty cracker.”
He leaned over Izuku to give me a peck but I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, glaring at him as I devoured his lips in a rough, teeth clashing kiss.
He smiled into it and grabbed my neck, squeezing it lightly before kissing me back with a matched passion.
Izuku’s little gasp had us breaking apart and we looked down at the man, who was suddenly flushed red by the attention. “Carry on…” He said a small, teasing voice although I’m sure we all understood how much we liked each other by now.
“We’re going to need to have a real, honest talk soon to get things out in the open and off our chests but for now, how about we watch a movie?”
“Just don’t let pipsqueak here choose the movie-“
“And why not??”
“Because you suck ass at-“
“Kats.”
“Who are you my mom?!?”
“No, but I can be your da-“
“Don’t you dare finish that if you ever want to touch my ass again.”
“Okay, sorry babe.”
“You will be.”
“BABE I’M SORRY, please pretty boy I love your ass…”
“Stop it you shroom.”
“But how will you know if I don’t tell you?”
“Don’t doubt your skills.”
Ei waggled his brows and I sighed loudly while Izu just stayed curled between us with a bright smile.
“I’m picking the movie.”
“NO.”